1 00:00:34,249 --> 00:00:36,752 ♪ Can't you see it's all over ♪ 2 00:00:36,793 --> 00:00:39,505 ♪ For you and me, girl ♪ 3 00:00:41,507 --> 00:00:47,513 ♪ There's a time for love and a time for letting me be, baby 4 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:54,646 ♪ Jane, you're playing a game called ♪ 5 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:58,776 ♪ How hard you get by its real name ♪ 6 00:00:58,776 --> 00:01:04,532 ♪ Making believe that you just don't feel the same ♪ 7 00:01:04,574 --> 00:01:07,661 ♪ Ah, Jane ♪ 8 00:01:44,575 --> 00:01:46,577 Guys, we gotta get outta here. 9 00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:18,862 You guys aren't supposed to be out of your bunks. 10 00:02:19,363 --> 00:02:20,864 You're in trouble. 11 00:02:26,496 --> 00:02:29,999 Wake up! 12 00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:32,627 ♪ Standing in the rain with his head hung low ♪ 13 00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:35,130 ♪ Couldn't get a ticket it was a sold-out show ♪ 14 00:02:35,130 --> 00:02:38,884 ♪ Heard the roar of the crowd he could picture the scene ♪ 15 00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:42,889 ♪ Put his head to the wall and like a distant scream ♪ - I'm up! 16 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,266 ♪ He heard one guitar ♪ 17 00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,267 ♪ It just blew him away ♪ 18 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,773 You guys! 19 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,778 Let's go, girls! You look hot. 20 00:02:57,278 --> 00:03:01,283 The bunk 5 boys are gonna freak out when they see you at kick ball. Let's go. 21 00:03:15,924 --> 00:03:17,425 Ow! 22 00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:31,941 All right, let's go. 23 00:03:45,581 --> 00:03:47,833 Good morning, everybody. 24 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,044 Well, it's the last day of camp... 25 00:03:50,086 --> 00:03:53,089 and it will be sad to shut down WCFW for the summer. 26 00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:56,593 But not to worry, because those of you in the Bethesda/Chevy Chase area... 27 00:03:57,094 --> 00:04:01,599 Can hear me all winter long on Jewish Day School Radio 89.9 F.M... 28 00:04:02,099 --> 00:04:03,601 "The Fox." 29 00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:06,562 For those select few of you who went all summer, 30 00:04:06,604 --> 00:04:09,607 all eight weeks without finding that special someone, 31 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:12,569 today is your day, 'cause you don't wanna go back home... 32 00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:16,113 and lie to your friends about a summer romance that didn't even happen. 33 00:04:16,614 --> 00:04:18,574 And you don't want to be the one person... 34 00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:22,620 who doesn't have anyone to kiss tonight after the talent show. 35 00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:26,375 So, seize the day, Camp Firewood, because it's your last. 36 00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:08,170 Coop, do you like watching me and Andy make out? 37 00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:12,633 No. What a weird thing to say. 38 00:05:12,675 --> 00:05:16,179 - You look so sexy in this sweatshirt. - Uh-huh. 39 00:05:16,221 --> 00:05:18,139 - Your ass is so hot. - Stop it! 40 00:05:18,181 --> 00:05:20,434 - Do you want to be my boyfriend? - No. 41 00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:23,937 I get it. It's very funny. Stop. 42 00:05:26,941 --> 00:05:29,944 Oh, Coop, you know I'm just kidding. 43 00:05:29,986 --> 00:05:32,947 I know, and it's very, very funny. 44 00:05:32,989 --> 00:05:35,909 Okay. I'm sorry. 45 00:05:35,951 --> 00:05:39,413 - Want me to make it up to you? - No, you've done enough already. 46 00:05:39,454 --> 00:05:43,708 - I'm gonna find you a woman today. - Honestly, don't worry about it. 47 00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:47,921 No. And I'm not gonna rest until my mission is accomplished, okay? 48 00:05:47,963 --> 00:05:53,594 Okay. then I'll cancel that order of onions and Limburger cheese I made for lunch today. 49 00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:57,348 - Ha-ha. - Yeah. 50 00:05:57,348 --> 00:06:02,103 - I want you inside me. - What? 51 00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:04,731 Hey, what's up? I was just... 52 00:06:04,856 --> 00:06:06,358 from before. 53 00:06:10,988 --> 00:06:14,951 Coop, were you just talking to Katie? What was that? 54 00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:19,497 That was, bar none, the longest conversation I've had with her in six years of camp. 55 00:06:19,539 --> 00:06:22,500 Does she want to fuck me? Is that what she was asking you about? 56 00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:24,961 Because, tell her that I will. In fact... 57 00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:27,464 no, don't tell her that I will. Tell her that I might. 58 00:06:27,506 --> 00:06:30,009 Victor, I hate to break it to you, but your name didn't even come up. 59 00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:31,969 She definitely wants to fuck me. 60 00:06:32,011 --> 00:06:35,014 Why else would she be talking to you? 61 00:06:35,515 --> 00:06:37,517 - No offense. - None taken. 62 00:06:40,145 --> 00:06:42,147 Hello. Hi. 63 00:06:42,647 --> 00:06:44,733 - Uh, hi. - Hi. I'm Beth. 64 00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:46,777 Nice to meet you. I'm Henry. 65 00:06:47,152 --> 00:06:49,655 I've been seeing you around, so I thought I'd take a chance... 66 00:06:50,156 --> 00:06:52,283 and introduce myself. 67 00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:03,170 - Thank you. - So... 68 00:07:05,047 --> 00:07:07,550 So, you work at the camp? 69 00:07:07,675 --> 00:07:09,677 - I'm the camp director. How about yourself? - Me? 70 00:07:10,178 --> 00:07:12,888 - I don't work over there. - No, I know. 71 00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:15,557 I'm the director. I would know... 72 00:07:15,683 --> 00:07:18,185 - if you were... - Right. You would know that. 73 00:07:20,563 --> 00:07:23,566 I teach astrophysics over at the college in the school year. 74 00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:26,069 And I came here this summer just to, you know, 75 00:07:26,569 --> 00:07:28,071 relax and reflect. 76 00:07:28,572 --> 00:07:31,325 Wow! You're a professor. What do you teach? 77 00:07:31,825 --> 00:07:33,827 Well, like I said before, astrophysics. 78 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:39,333 I study space, stars, comets and that kind of thing. 79 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,170 "Space... the final frontier." 80 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,965 Right. Thanks for everything. 81 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,218 Hey! You know what? It would be a great idea... 82 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:53,098 if you came by the camp and taught the campers about space. 83 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,977 - No, I couldn't... - They'd love it. 84 00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:57,979 No, I couldn't possibly. 85 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,982 - It would be just... - I said no! 86 00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:03,109 Sorry. that was... 87 00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:20,587 Oh, Coop. Look at Abby. 88 00:08:20,629 --> 00:08:22,631 Oh, she wants to fuck me. So help me God. 89 00:08:22,672 --> 00:08:25,092 She wants to fuck me. 90 00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:27,136 And this time, Victor, I'm sure it's true. 91 00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:32,141 I have to admit. Abby Bernstein is one of the only berry bushes... 92 00:08:32,183 --> 00:08:34,602 that I have yet to pollinate, if you get my meaning. 93 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:37,647 You mean, she's the only girl at camp you haven't done it with yet? 94 00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:39,607 That's exactly what I mean. 95 00:08:39,648 --> 00:08:42,151 Hey, Gene. Any mashed potatoes? 96 00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,159 Gary! Bring out the taters! 97 00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:53,121 Here they are. Hey, Gary. 98 00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:55,666 - Hey, dude, what's up? - Hey, guys. 99 00:08:55,707 --> 00:08:58,627 What'd you say, shithead? 100 00:08:58,669 --> 00:09:02,131 I said, "hey, guys." What's your glitz, Gene? 101 00:09:02,173 --> 00:09:05,677 Listen to me, you fucked-up little cigarette-smoking piece of shit. 102 00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:08,179 I was in the Vietnam war. 103 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,640 - I know. - Oh, yeah. 104 00:09:10,682 --> 00:09:14,687 The 'Nam. 105 00:09:14,812 --> 00:09:16,814 Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me... 106 00:09:17,314 --> 00:09:21,319 as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. 107 00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:23,404 My name is Keith Stack. 108 00:09:23,446 --> 00:09:27,451 From Millburn, New Jersey. State bird: The Mosquito. 109 00:09:27,576 --> 00:09:30,579 And as you may have heard, I am recently... 110 00:09:30,621 --> 00:09:34,083 a crowned class-b Dungeon Master. 111 00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,585 So if any of you would like to play "D & D" today, 112 00:09:36,627 --> 00:09:40,590 please speak now or forever hold your peace. 113 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,344 Anyone? 114 00:09:44,344 --> 00:09:48,181 Alexa, maybe you'd like to join in? 115 00:09:48,223 --> 00:09:51,226 We do need a druid, and you have definitely cast... 116 00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:53,771 a level-five charm spell on me. 117 00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:56,232 In your dreams, douche bag. 118 00:09:56,732 --> 00:09:59,736 Douche bags are hygienic products. I take that as a compliment. 119 00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:02,989 - Thank you. - Ewww! Ewww! 120 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,503 Well, we made it to the end of the summer in one piece, 121 00:10:17,004 --> 00:10:19,506 Except for a few campers who are lepers. 122 00:10:19,548 --> 00:10:21,509 Good one, Beth. 123 00:10:23,511 --> 00:10:26,013 Thank you, Gene. 124 00:10:31,269 --> 00:10:36,275 Excuse me. Could you tell me where I could find the, uh... 125 00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:41,280 How do I put this? The, uh, sci-fi, 126 00:10:41,322 --> 00:10:44,283 nerdy, indoor kids? 127 00:10:44,784 --> 00:10:47,287 - Bunk 3. - Oh, yeah. thanks. 128 00:10:52,292 --> 00:10:55,295 Hey, guys. 129 00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:58,299 I'm associate Professor Neumann. 130 00:10:58,799 --> 00:11:01,302 Who'd like to spend the last day at camp doing science projects? 131 00:11:04,305 --> 00:11:07,058 Okay, okay. Okay, cool. 132 00:11:13,315 --> 00:11:16,318 I've seen more fucked-up shit happen in five minutes out there... 133 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,779 than you'll see in your whole fucking life. 134 00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:22,575 Gene, I'm really sorry, you know. If I could change history, I would. 135 00:11:22,617 --> 00:11:26,329 Fuck you! We need to make eight gallons of bug juice by snack hour. 136 00:11:26,371 --> 00:11:29,333 Do you know where the powder packets are? 137 00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:33,337 In the pantry over the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream! 138 00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:35,338 Wait. 139 00:11:36,339 --> 00:11:38,342 Ignore that last comment. 140 00:11:38,383 --> 00:11:40,344 - Did you say dick cream? - No. 141 00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:42,846 I said stick team. 142 00:11:43,347 --> 00:11:45,850 You know, stickball? Forget about it. Go away! Leave me alone. 143 00:11:48,352 --> 00:11:50,355 I'm pretty sure he said dick cream, but... 144 00:11:50,396 --> 00:11:52,857 Victor. 145 00:11:53,358 --> 00:11:56,862 I need you and Neil to take The Eagles out on Moose river. I made them a promise. 146 00:11:57,362 --> 00:11:59,865 It's the last day of camp. It's not gonna work for me. 147 00:11:59,907 --> 00:12:01,825 - It's not gonna work for you? - No. 148 00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:05,496 It's not gonna work for you. Okay, how about this as a compromise? 149 00:12:05,538 --> 00:12:08,791 The Eagles are going to go out on Moose river... 150 00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:12,003 - and you and Neil are going to take them. - What? 151 00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:15,007 Everybody focus up. All eyes here. 152 00:12:15,007 --> 00:12:18,010 I would like to announce that Ben and I are planning to produce a musical number... 153 00:12:18,052 --> 00:12:21,305 from godspell for the talent show tonight. 154 00:12:21,347 --> 00:12:24,517 I'm sorry. Ben is producing, I am directing/choreographing. 155 00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:27,520 I'm speaking from personal experience, but if you can't carry a tune... 156 00:12:27,562 --> 00:12:30,023 don't come to the audition and waste our time. 157 00:12:30,023 --> 00:12:32,526 - We're serious. - And bring a lot of movement clothes, 158 00:12:33,026 --> 00:12:36,530 A.K.A. jazz shoes, dance belts, lycras, et al. 159 00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:38,532 and seriously, F.Y.I., you guys, 160 00:12:38,532 --> 00:12:41,536 this is not an excuse to get out of your regular activities. 161 00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:44,539 This is an excuse to do some good musical theater. 162 00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:47,042 So, be prepared, be enthusiastic... 163 00:12:47,042 --> 00:12:50,545 and leave your bullshit attitude and baggage at the door, 'cause we don't need it! 164 00:12:50,587 --> 00:12:52,548 Hey, you guys! 165 00:12:52,923 --> 00:12:57,428 Oh, I was thinking maybe we could take a walk later, 166 00:12:57,470 --> 00:13:00,431 maybe go out to Gunner's Pass one last time. 167 00:13:00,932 --> 00:13:03,392 Goddamn it, Katie! You're suffocating me! 168 00:13:03,433 --> 00:13:05,394 I'm chokin', all right? Give me some breathing room. 169 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:09,440 I just want to spend some time with you. It's our last day at camp. 170 00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:12,735 - My butt itches. - What are you talking about? 171 00:13:12,735 --> 00:13:15,905 - We're soul mates, right? - What? Yeah. 172 00:13:15,947 --> 00:13:19,952 Whatever, if you want. J.J., save me a waffle, man. 173 00:13:20,452 --> 00:13:22,413 Andy, I'm serious. Come on. 174 00:13:22,454 --> 00:13:25,958 I just want it to be special. Fuck you, dyke! 175 00:13:26,459 --> 00:13:29,462 - Why are you being such an asshole? - I gotta finish my breakfast. 176 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:32,966 I love you, baby. So good talking to you. 177 00:13:35,468 --> 00:13:37,471 Yeah, see you in macrame. 178 00:13:46,856 --> 00:13:49,233 One last, successful B.K.F.S.T... 179 00:13:49,734 --> 00:13:52,195 becomes one for the record books. 180 00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:55,240 And with t-minus 11 hours to the big talent show, 181 00:13:55,282 --> 00:13:58,285 we sail on aboard the good ship Firewood... 182 00:13:58,285 --> 00:14:01,247 toward a little oasis that I like to call... 183 00:14:01,288 --> 00:14:04,709 morning activity time. 184 00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:06,711 What's going on with Silas? 185 00:14:06,753 --> 00:14:09,881 You didn't hear? He got kicked out of camp. - Why? 186 00:14:09,881 --> 00:14:13,760 He snuck into the office and videotaped himself jerking off. - You're kidding! 187 00:14:14,011 --> 00:14:15,512 - Where's the tape? - He hid it. 188 00:14:16,013 --> 00:14:21,018 - We gotta get that tape. - It's a subject matter I'm sure you're familiar with, McKinley. 189 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,812 - Shut up, J.J. - You shut up. 190 00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:24,689 - You shut up. - You shut up. 191 00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,912 One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. 192 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,416 And one, and one. Step aside. Step aside. 193 00:14:55,305 --> 00:14:56,806 All right. Stop it! 194 00:14:59,059 --> 00:15:03,063 Okay, kids. Um, today we're going to use... 195 00:15:03,105 --> 00:15:06,066 some crayons... 196 00:15:06,442 --> 00:15:09,445 to make some decorations for the talent show. 197 00:15:14,951 --> 00:15:17,454 - Is that your wedding ring, Gail? - Um, no. 198 00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:21,083 I mean, yes, actually. Yes, it is. It was. 199 00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:24,211 It was. It used to be, I mean, legally. 200 00:15:24,462 --> 00:15:28,466 It's so twisted. His lawyer won't even call me now. 201 00:15:28,841 --> 00:15:31,970 - Where are the crayons? - The crayons are... 202 00:15:32,095 --> 00:15:34,848 the crayon is right there. 203 00:15:35,098 --> 00:15:37,601 We could draw with the markers. 204 00:15:37,643 --> 00:15:40,604 Listen, Valerie, 205 00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:43,065 I need you to be helpful here, okay? 206 00:15:43,107 --> 00:15:46,110 I do not need you to undermine me, okay? 207 00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:49,364 But there's only one crayon, and it's brown. 208 00:15:49,405 --> 00:15:52,117 There are literally hundreds of colored markers. 209 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:07,883 Hey. 210 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,387 Going on your trip? 211 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,015 Yep. 212 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,517 Sucks dick we never got to know each other. 213 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,770 Yeah. 214 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,647 You got a stick of gum, Victor? 215 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,150 I thought you'd never ask. 216 00:16:40,794 --> 00:16:44,548 Abby! My trip... it doesn't come back until tomorrow. 217 00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,551 - Don't go. - I can't, because Beth told me... 218 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,141 Let's go. 219 00:16:53,182 --> 00:16:57,437 ♪ Get ready get set, baby ♪ I'll be back tonight. 220 00:16:57,562 --> 00:17:00,065 ♪ Leaving tomorrow so get ready ♪ 221 00:17:00,566 --> 00:17:04,570 ♪ Get ready get set, baby ♪ Tonight. 222 00:17:04,612 --> 00:17:06,572 Ah! 223 00:17:06,572 --> 00:17:10,576 This is "The Beekeeper" here on Camp Firewood radio. 224 00:17:10,576 --> 00:17:15,207 I've got my drones working hard on a breakfast time rock... Hey. 225 00:17:15,248 --> 00:17:19,211 - Arty, I need you to take a shower. - Okay. 226 00:17:19,711 --> 00:17:22,715 Your parents are coming tomorrow. I don't want to get in trouble. 227 00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:25,718 - Sure. - You haven't taken a shower once yet this summer. 228 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:29,721 - Fine. No problem. - Arty, take a shower. 229 00:17:30,222 --> 00:17:32,224 You're covered in dirt. 230 00:17:32,266 --> 00:17:34,226 Fine. 231 00:17:36,228 --> 00:17:38,606 This is Arty Solomon here. 232 00:17:38,648 --> 00:17:40,942 Alias, "The Beekeeper." 233 00:17:40,984 --> 00:17:45,989 - You guys, I'm really gonna miss this place. - Me too. 234 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:51,745 Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today we'll meet again... 235 00:17:51,787 --> 00:17:53,497 and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into. 236 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:56,459 - Yeah! - What time you wanna meet? 237 00:17:56,501 --> 00:17:59,003 - You mean ten years from now? - Yeah. 238 00:17:59,254 --> 00:18:01,256 Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it. 239 00:18:01,298 --> 00:18:04,051 Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00 or 9:30? 240 00:18:04,051 --> 00:18:06,762 Let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30. 241 00:18:06,804 --> 00:18:09,139 Why don't we say 9:30, 242 00:18:09,139 --> 00:18:11,642 and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30? 243 00:18:12,143 --> 00:18:16,147 We're gonna be in our late 20's. I don't see any reason we can't be places on time. 244 00:18:16,272 --> 00:18:19,276 Okay, it's settled. 9:30 it is. 245 00:18:19,317 --> 00:18:22,237 - All agreed? - Agreed. 246 00:18:22,279 --> 00:18:25,240 Great, 'cause I have something at 11:00. 247 00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:28,244 You've got a trapper keeper full of appointments, right? 248 00:18:28,285 --> 00:18:31,789 No, I have something at 11:00 that I can't change 'cause I already moved it twice. 249 00:18:35,919 --> 00:18:37,921 What are you looking at? 250 00:18:37,921 --> 00:18:40,924 Is there a U.F.O. in the sky? 251 00:18:40,924 --> 00:18:44,929 No, no. It's nothing you need worry about... 252 00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:50,935 Yet. 253 00:18:57,316 --> 00:19:01,320 Andy? Are you gonna clean that up? 254 00:19:01,362 --> 00:19:03,781 Oh, yeah, I will. 255 00:19:03,823 --> 00:19:07,285 Uh, I just got... I don't have time now. 256 00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:10,455 Clean it up and come to my office for the meeting. 257 00:19:10,956 --> 00:19:12,958 I gotta... 258 00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:44,117 Damn! 259 00:20:03,263 --> 00:20:07,267 - Gail, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay. 260 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:12,273 It's just that my husband Ron... 261 00:20:12,315 --> 00:20:14,817 You know... no, he's my ex-husband. 262 00:20:14,859 --> 00:20:17,278 I guess I have to get used to that. 263 00:20:17,779 --> 00:20:20,282 I have to get used to saying ex, ex, ex. 264 00:20:20,657 --> 00:20:24,035 He's my ex, ex-husband. 265 00:20:24,035 --> 00:20:28,540 You know, it's just that I thought, like... 266 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,044 when Jonas and I separated, I thought everything was lost. 267 00:20:32,085 --> 00:20:33,795 And then I met Ron... 268 00:20:33,795 --> 00:20:39,301 and it just seemed like everything was gonna work out, you know? 269 00:20:39,427 --> 00:20:43,181 Keep going. We're with you. I'm a total wreck! I don't even know where the crayons are. 270 00:20:43,556 --> 00:20:48,061 - I know, I know. Gail, listen to me. - I'm a loser. What? 271 00:20:48,103 --> 00:20:52,566 - Ron's who he is and you can't change that. - I know. 272 00:20:52,608 --> 00:20:54,568 Okay? 273 00:20:54,568 --> 00:20:57,321 - Gail, listen to me. Look at me. - I am. 274 00:20:57,363 --> 00:21:00,074 Gail, look at me. Gail, look at me. 275 00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,577 I want you to say "okay." 276 00:21:04,079 --> 00:21:06,081 - Why? - I want you to say "okay." 277 00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:11,086 - Okay. - Okay. Good. 278 00:21:11,086 --> 00:21:13,339 I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all... 279 00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:15,341 for making the last eight weeks, 280 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,344 without rival, the best summer of my entire life. 281 00:21:20,722 --> 00:21:22,682 Okay, let's get to business. 282 00:21:22,724 --> 00:21:25,727 Coop, the camp goat took a shit in the infirmary. 283 00:21:26,228 --> 00:21:28,230 - I need you to take care of that, please. - That's impossible! 284 00:21:28,272 --> 00:21:32,193 It is possible, and it happened... on my shoes. 285 00:21:32,234 --> 00:21:35,738 Abby, bunk 8 wants to watch The China Syndrome again, so run the betamax. 286 00:21:36,239 --> 00:21:39,200 - Again? - What can I say? They love it. McKinley. 287 00:21:39,242 --> 00:21:43,121 Four lower campers are stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you yesterday. 288 00:21:43,497 --> 00:21:46,500 Could you get to it now? And last, but certainly not least, 289 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,378 tonight is the big talent show. 290 00:21:49,753 --> 00:21:52,255 We have a lot of hard work ahead of us. A few ground rules... 291 00:21:52,631 --> 00:21:55,133 Hey. Hey! 292 00:21:55,634 --> 00:21:58,637 I'm serious here. I am not joking around. 293 00:21:59,138 --> 00:22:02,642 I am not jok... I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here. 294 00:22:02,683 --> 00:22:05,520 I am no Ruth Buzzi standing here! 295 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,278 Steve? What you got there? 296 00:22:14,530 --> 00:22:17,533 I have been programmed... 297 00:22:17,575 --> 00:22:19,493 by my galactic master... 298 00:22:19,535 --> 00:22:21,537 not to talk to earth denizens... 299 00:22:21,787 --> 00:22:25,792 of classifications J.J. and McKinley-I-zoid. 300 00:22:30,172 --> 00:22:33,675 - Your brother is such a freak. - I know. 301 00:22:33,717 --> 00:22:36,178 Katie, you're hot, right? 302 00:22:36,679 --> 00:22:40,683 By all accounts, you would be considered "hot." Is that correct? 303 00:22:40,725 --> 00:22:42,685 Uh, I suppose so. 304 00:22:43,186 --> 00:22:48,692 So if one wanted to be hot and make a good impression, what would you wear? 305 00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:51,195 You put on a clean pair of pants? 306 00:22:51,695 --> 00:22:54,698 Beth, come on. Pants? Are you kidding? 307 00:22:55,199 --> 00:22:57,201 Yes. Pants. 308 00:22:57,243 --> 00:22:59,203 Of course I'm kidding. 309 00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:02,207 You didn't get I'm kidding? Unless you're kidding. 310 00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:06,712 'cause pants, Katie. Come on, please. Pants. 311 00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:09,214 So would you... slacks? Pants? 312 00:23:09,715 --> 00:23:12,718 I don't know. I think I'd wear a sexy dress or something. 313 00:23:13,219 --> 00:23:15,221 That? Oh, you're good. Sexy dress. 314 00:23:15,263 --> 00:23:18,224 Okay. Uh, that's "a." 315 00:23:18,224 --> 00:23:22,728 Um, what else... what else would one do if one were... 316 00:23:22,770 --> 00:23:25,731 I'd do my hair. Oh, get out of town! 317 00:23:25,731 --> 00:23:29,736 I'm not getting out of town, and I'm serious. And I'd use a little mousse. 318 00:23:30,236 --> 00:23:33,740 Moose, as in... 319 00:23:34,241 --> 00:23:36,994 No, as "mousse" for your hair. Right! Right! 320 00:23:37,369 --> 00:23:40,372 - Okay. Wait a minute, Beth. Are you... - What? 321 00:23:40,623 --> 00:23:42,625 Huh? What's up? 322 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,504 You dog! You have a crush on somebody! 323 00:23:46,504 --> 00:23:50,884 - I do have a crush. I just don't believe he's interested. - What? 324 00:23:50,925 --> 00:23:55,264 Beth, do not worry. Come with me and I will mousse you up. 325 00:24:01,020 --> 00:24:04,399 Hey, Andy, can I take out the motorboat and drive around the lake? 326 00:24:04,524 --> 00:24:08,403 - Sure. - Wow! Thanks. 327 00:24:08,903 --> 00:24:13,408 Just make sure you fill it up with gas when you're done, and watch out... 328 00:24:13,450 --> 00:24:15,411 Yeah, whatever. 329 00:24:22,418 --> 00:24:25,422 Man, I'd give anything for two minutes in the closet with Lindsay. 330 00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:30,928 - What about Katie? - Who? 331 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:33,430 Excellent. 332 00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:49,196 Hey. Whatcha writin' on? 333 00:24:49,238 --> 00:24:51,157 My "gurnal." 334 00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:53,701 I write my thoughts in it every day. 335 00:24:53,743 --> 00:24:56,705 Oh, you mean a journal. 336 00:24:56,746 --> 00:24:58,665 Yeah, whatever. 337 00:24:58,707 --> 00:25:01,210 Guess I'm not all smart like you. 338 00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:03,671 Can I see what you're writing? 339 00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:08,217 Only three people are allowed to look at this... Me, myself and I. 340 00:25:08,259 --> 00:25:10,219 But I want you to share it with me. 341 00:25:13,223 --> 00:25:15,225 Hey! 342 00:25:18,979 --> 00:25:21,982 Let's see. Debbie Waxman? 343 00:25:22,483 --> 00:25:25,987 No. she makes that weird piggy face when she talks, you know? 344 00:25:26,028 --> 00:25:29,991 Yeah. okay, good. No piggy face. 345 00:25:31,993 --> 00:25:34,454 - Rachel Schwartz. - No. 346 00:25:34,496 --> 00:25:37,499 - Come on, she's a slut. She'll go. - I'll pass. 347 00:25:37,541 --> 00:25:40,461 - Yeah, you're not really a slut type. - Yes, I am. 348 00:25:40,503 --> 00:25:44,507 I love sluts. Sluts rock. It's just gotta be the right slut. 349 00:25:44,882 --> 00:25:46,885 What about Susie? 350 00:25:48,762 --> 00:25:51,723 Yeah. I could go for Susie. 351 00:25:51,765 --> 00:25:54,017 She and I went out my first summer here. 352 00:25:54,059 --> 00:25:56,270 - When you were ten? - Yeah, we were ten, 353 00:25:56,395 --> 00:25:58,397 But we were into some heavy shit. 354 00:25:58,898 --> 00:26:00,524 Did you go all the way? 355 00:26:01,025 --> 00:26:04,028 You bet we went all the way. We went all the way back too. 356 00:26:04,070 --> 00:26:06,489 We did doggy style, pony style. 357 00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:10,410 Style council. That's a good band. They're hot now. Human league. 358 00:26:10,452 --> 00:26:12,913 They have some good stuff. 359 00:26:12,913 --> 00:26:16,417 League of nations. That brings in the whole thing of united nations. 360 00:26:16,666 --> 00:26:19,169 That brings in the whole category of countries. 361 00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:22,673 Where to start? Well, the obvious one. 362 00:26:22,673 --> 00:26:27,178 The birthplace of spaghetti and pasta, all the oily stuff... Italy. 363 00:26:27,428 --> 00:26:29,931 - Now you go. - Um... 364 00:26:30,431 --> 00:26:33,434 - How about Italy? - Yeah, good! It's safe. 365 00:26:33,476 --> 00:26:36,438 I kind of paved the way with that one, but... 366 00:26:39,941 --> 00:26:41,443 What? 367 00:26:41,944 --> 00:26:43,946 - What? - Hey, guys. 368 00:26:45,573 --> 00:26:47,575 - Hi, Nancy. - Hi, Katie. 369 00:26:47,617 --> 00:26:49,577 Coop, goat shit. 370 00:26:57,210 --> 00:26:59,213 Whoo-hoo! Ow! 371 00:27:08,348 --> 00:27:10,850 Andy! Help me! 372 00:27:10,975 --> 00:27:12,978 - You french great. - Andy! 373 00:27:13,478 --> 00:27:17,482 - You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man. - Andy, help me! 374 00:27:17,524 --> 00:27:21,487 - I can't swim! - Cut it out, bobby. You're fine. 375 00:27:21,529 --> 00:27:24,866 For chrissake, Andy, help me, I'm drowning. 376 00:27:30,622 --> 00:27:34,126 No, you can't hear the ocean, but you can learn a great deal about our world. 377 00:27:35,627 --> 00:27:38,756 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Beth. 378 00:27:38,797 --> 00:27:41,842 Like the new look. Tres chic. 379 00:27:41,884 --> 00:27:44,886 - Thank you, Henry. - Please, call me Henry. 380 00:27:44,928 --> 00:27:46,889 Okay, Henry it is. 381 00:27:47,389 --> 00:27:50,392 I see you decided to come teach the campers, Henry. 382 00:27:50,434 --> 00:27:53,396 Yeah. I'm sorry I snapped at you before. 383 00:27:53,896 --> 00:27:56,858 I'm a little shy around children. But it's been great! 384 00:27:56,900 --> 00:27:59,903 I've got them making miniature black holes with paper clips and soot. 385 00:27:59,945 --> 00:28:02,864 What you do is so fascinating! 386 00:28:02,906 --> 00:28:06,910 - You really like astrophysics? - I love it! It's my biggest hobby. I love it. 387 00:28:06,952 --> 00:28:11,916 Really? Okay. Who's your favorite astrophysicist? 388 00:28:11,958 --> 00:28:15,420 My fav... I totally know this one. 389 00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:17,422 Okay, any... 390 00:28:21,927 --> 00:28:24,430 - What time is it? - Um... 391 00:28:24,471 --> 00:28:26,390 9:00, 9:30. 392 00:28:26,432 --> 00:28:30,436 I'm so late. I have to go meet Jim... Stansel. 393 00:28:30,478 --> 00:28:33,439 - You know Jim? He's that guy. - Uh-huh. 394 00:28:33,940 --> 00:28:36,943 - So I'll talk to you later. Okay? - Okay. 395 00:28:36,985 --> 00:28:39,947 Okay. Okay. Later, then. 396 00:28:44,577 --> 00:28:47,580 Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? 397 00:28:47,622 --> 00:28:49,582 Um... if I can't find him, 398 00:28:49,582 --> 00:28:52,085 I'm telling Beth that you let him drown. 399 00:28:52,585 --> 00:28:56,089 - I was busy. - It's your job to make sure kids don't drown. 400 00:28:56,131 --> 00:28:58,091 Lindsay, I need like 20 minutes, all right? 401 00:28:58,592 --> 00:29:01,095 Gotta talk to this kid. 402 00:29:01,595 --> 00:29:03,597 Andy, where are we going? 403 00:29:04,098 --> 00:29:05,600 To a big, secret pizza party. 404 00:29:06,100 --> 00:29:08,478 Wow! Cool. I love pizza. 405 00:29:08,519 --> 00:29:11,481 Yeah, well... 406 00:29:16,861 --> 00:29:19,364 Nancy! Hello. 407 00:29:19,489 --> 00:29:23,869 If I was looking for a book on astrophysics, where would I find one? 408 00:29:24,244 --> 00:29:27,247 Off the top of my head, I'd have to say a bookstore. 409 00:29:27,372 --> 00:29:29,875 - Or a library. - Right. 410 00:29:29,875 --> 00:29:31,877 Just curious. Keep up the good work. 411 00:29:32,128 --> 00:29:33,629 Okay. 412 00:29:36,257 --> 00:29:38,718 Excuse me. Uh, Nancy. 413 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,137 Say I wanted to get a book on, um... 414 00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:43,515 What? 415 00:29:44,016 --> 00:29:47,519 - Camp directing, I guess. Would that be... - Henry. 416 00:29:47,770 --> 00:29:50,272 Henry! Library. 417 00:29:50,773 --> 00:29:54,861 Ooh. Thank you! 418 00:29:54,902 --> 00:29:58,907 Beth! Beth! 419 00:29:59,282 --> 00:30:02,411 If you're going into town, can you pick me up something at the drugstore? 420 00:30:02,536 --> 00:30:06,790 Beth, come on. My husband's coming today and I need some lube. 421 00:30:06,832 --> 00:30:08,793 For my pussy. 422 00:30:12,296 --> 00:30:14,257 Oh, cool! 423 00:30:14,299 --> 00:30:17,802 Beth's going into town. Let's go! Wait, wait! 424 00:30:22,057 --> 00:30:24,685 No, no, no. No, no, no, no. 425 00:30:24,810 --> 00:30:27,313 Come on, Coop! Come on! 426 00:30:34,571 --> 00:30:36,072 Whoo! 427 00:30:36,573 --> 00:30:38,575 Whoo! 428 00:30:38,951 --> 00:30:40,452 ♪ Got a feeling tonight ♪ 429 00:30:40,952 --> 00:30:43,955 ♪ Though her daddy's makin' trouble it'll be all right ♪ 430 00:30:44,205 --> 00:30:46,666 ♪ I'm working hard I don't know why ♪ 431 00:30:46,708 --> 00:30:50,212 ♪ I'm like a working-class dog and I just get by ♪ 432 00:30:50,462 --> 00:30:53,966 ♪ Tonight I'm going out for a minute ♪ 433 00:30:57,094 --> 00:30:59,097 ♪ You know we're living on the brink ♪ 434 00:30:59,597 --> 00:31:02,600 ♪ Second by second by minute by minute ♪ 435 00:31:03,101 --> 00:31:06,104 ♪ Love is all right tonight ♪ 436 00:31:15,114 --> 00:31:19,994 ♪ Love is all right ♪ 437 00:31:21,871 --> 00:31:25,876 ♪ Love is all right ♪ 438 00:31:26,376 --> 00:31:27,878 ♪ Tonight ♪ 439 00:31:44,521 --> 00:31:46,523 Come on. 440 00:31:55,033 --> 00:31:57,786 ♪ All right ♪ 441 00:31:57,827 --> 00:32:00,706 ♪ It's gonna be all right ♪ 442 00:32:00,747 --> 00:32:03,625 ♪ It's gonna be all right ♪ 443 00:32:03,667 --> 00:32:06,545 ♪ It's gonna be all right ♪ 444 00:32:08,047 --> 00:32:12,301 ♪ Love is all right tonight ♪ 445 00:32:13,802 --> 00:32:17,807 ♪ Baby, we're gonna be all right ♪ 446 00:32:18,182 --> 00:32:20,643 Hey, guys, how was Waterville? 447 00:32:20,685 --> 00:32:23,187 - It was really fun. - It's always fun to get away from camp, 448 00:32:23,688 --> 00:32:25,690 even for an hour. 449 00:32:27,192 --> 00:32:29,945 Katie! I'll see you later maybe? 450 00:32:29,987 --> 00:32:32,698 Definitely. 451 00:32:35,826 --> 00:32:37,828 Guys, wait up! 452 00:32:45,962 --> 00:32:47,923 How far away is this goddamn river? 453 00:32:47,965 --> 00:32:51,468 It's at least two hours, Vic. Try to forget about Abby. 454 00:32:51,510 --> 00:32:54,472 I can't, Neil, okay? This is my only chance. 455 00:32:54,972 --> 00:32:56,474 What are you talking about? 456 00:32:56,974 --> 00:32:59,477 I'm gonna tell you something, but I swear to God, if you tell anybody... 457 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:03,231 - I swear to God! - What? Wha... 458 00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:09,238 - I'm a virgin. - Wha... 459 00:33:09,738 --> 00:33:12,199 You're joking. Right, dude? 460 00:33:12,241 --> 00:33:16,245 You're the stallion. You've had like 50 or 60 women, so I mean... 461 00:33:16,287 --> 00:33:20,250 Actually, it's closer to... zero. 462 00:33:21,751 --> 00:33:24,212 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 463 00:33:24,254 --> 00:33:26,256 You're a loser. You are a loser! 464 00:33:26,298 --> 00:33:29,051 Oh, my God. Don't. I... 465 00:33:29,051 --> 00:33:31,762 you're such a loser. 466 00:33:40,980 --> 00:33:43,441 - What? - What? 467 00:33:43,483 --> 00:33:45,485 You listen to me, Mr. Kickass. 468 00:33:45,985 --> 00:33:47,987 Mr. Rubber Burner. 469 00:33:47,987 --> 00:33:50,490 You wipe that hotshot grin off your face or I'll shoot it off you. 470 00:33:50,532 --> 00:33:52,993 You got that? Now finish up them taters. 471 00:33:53,493 --> 00:33:55,746 - I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters. - Come on. What? 472 00:33:55,788 --> 00:33:57,998 - Finish up the taters. - Then what did you say? 473 00:33:57,998 --> 00:34:01,002 - Then what did I say? - You said you were gonna go fondle your sweaters. 474 00:34:01,502 --> 00:34:04,005 I... no, I didn't. 475 00:34:04,005 --> 00:34:06,007 I said I'm gonna fondue with cheddar. 476 00:34:06,007 --> 00:34:08,510 I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight. 477 00:34:08,552 --> 00:34:12,639 - No, Gene, that is not what you said. - It is what I said. 478 00:34:12,681 --> 00:34:15,142 Fondue with cheddar. 479 00:34:15,184 --> 00:34:17,144 Okay, fine. 480 00:34:20,648 --> 00:34:22,775 Okay, see you later. 481 00:34:22,817 --> 00:34:25,737 See ya. 482 00:34:25,779 --> 00:34:28,782 I'm just gonna stop by my bunk for a real quick sec. 483 00:34:31,785 --> 00:34:34,288 Maybe you should talk to him. 484 00:34:34,413 --> 00:34:39,419 So rabbi Rothstein says, "sim, sim, sim, sim, ata..." 485 00:34:39,919 --> 00:34:41,880 Hey, McKinley. 486 00:34:41,921 --> 00:34:44,925 - Did you take that shower yet? - Yeah, of course. 487 00:34:44,966 --> 00:34:47,469 - Did you? - No. 488 00:34:47,469 --> 00:34:49,930 Take a shower. 489 00:34:52,433 --> 00:34:55,436 Sorry, folks for the "coitus interuptus," if you will. 490 00:34:55,561 --> 00:34:58,064 I know you're all hungry for the picnic, 491 00:34:58,064 --> 00:35:00,567 so don't eat too many barbecued bovine muscles. 492 00:35:00,608 --> 00:35:03,069 Those being hamburgers. Thank you. 493 00:35:07,323 --> 00:35:10,326 Gail, if I could just interject something here. 494 00:35:10,452 --> 00:35:14,706 This is gonna sound like I'm putting down my own gender, 495 00:35:14,748 --> 00:35:18,961 but the truth is, a lot of the time men can be real... 496 00:35:19,003 --> 00:35:21,964 and excuse the Yiddish... insensitive schmucks. 497 00:35:22,214 --> 00:35:24,717 - It's true. - I know. 498 00:35:25,218 --> 00:35:29,222 I know. It's just that I'm 34 years old. 499 00:35:29,597 --> 00:35:31,099 You know? 500 00:35:31,099 --> 00:35:34,603 I'm just afraid I'm never gonna meet anybody. 501 00:35:35,103 --> 00:35:37,106 - Shh. Just breathe. Shh. - It's so sad. 502 00:35:39,108 --> 00:35:43,112 Breathe. Shh. Just breathe. 503 00:35:43,154 --> 00:35:45,907 Oh, God! 504 00:35:45,949 --> 00:35:48,618 Your hands are magic. 505 00:35:48,743 --> 00:35:51,747 - There you go. - You, my friend, are a magician. 506 00:35:57,378 --> 00:35:59,338 Okay! 507 00:35:59,380 --> 00:36:02,884 Everyone! Immediately! Out of the van. 508 00:36:02,926 --> 00:36:05,387 Get out of the van. Out. Out. 509 00:36:06,888 --> 00:36:08,390 - What are you doing? - I'm going back to camp. 510 00:36:08,890 --> 00:36:11,852 - I'll come back in the morning and pick you up. - Wait a second. 511 00:36:11,894 --> 00:36:16,148 - What, Neil? - Wait a minute. You can't get there and back by sunup. 512 00:36:16,649 --> 00:36:20,153 I am going to be with Abby Bernstein tonight. And if you don't like it, you know what? 513 00:36:20,194 --> 00:36:23,656 You could just go ahead and fuck yourself! 514 00:36:23,698 --> 00:36:25,408 Hey! 515 00:36:29,163 --> 00:36:32,791 You're making a big mistake, Victor Pulak. 516 00:36:32,833 --> 00:36:35,043 A big mistake. 517 00:36:35,418 --> 00:36:38,422 ♪ Even though we ain't got money ♪ 518 00:36:38,463 --> 00:36:41,425 ♪ I'm so in love with you, honey ♪ 519 00:36:41,550 --> 00:36:44,053 ♪ And everything will bring a chain ♪ 520 00:36:44,094 --> 00:36:47,056 ♪ Of love, yeah ♪ 521 00:36:47,557 --> 00:36:50,059 ♪ In the morning when I rise ♪ 522 00:36:50,101 --> 00:36:52,062 ♪ Bring a... ♪ Oh, God! 523 00:36:53,563 --> 00:36:55,065 Oh, shit! 524 00:36:56,566 --> 00:36:58,569 Abby! 525 00:36:58,819 --> 00:37:01,572 ♪ In the morning when I rise ♪ 526 00:37:01,614 --> 00:37:04,325 ♪ You bring a tear of joy to my eyes ♪ 527 00:37:06,369 --> 00:37:09,289 Hey, Abby. 528 00:37:09,330 --> 00:37:12,834 - I thought this was a different bunk. - No. 529 00:37:12,959 --> 00:37:15,462 - Am I bothering you? - No, not at all. 530 00:37:15,963 --> 00:37:18,465 You wanna come sit on the bed? 531 00:37:39,488 --> 00:37:41,949 ♪ Even though we ain't got money ♪ 532 00:37:41,991 --> 00:37:45,495 ♪ I'm so in love with you, honey ♪ That sucks! 533 00:37:45,537 --> 00:37:48,456 ♪ And everything will bring a chain ♪ 534 00:37:48,498 --> 00:37:52,503 ♪ Of love ♪ Wait for me, Abby Bernstein. Wait for me, my darling. 535 00:37:53,003 --> 00:37:55,506 ♪ And in the morning when I rise ♪ Wait. 536 00:37:55,548 --> 00:37:58,467 What? What? 537 00:37:58,509 --> 00:38:00,511 I just want to take off my shirt. 538 00:38:02,262 --> 00:38:05,266 - Where are we going? - I don't know. Victor took the maps. 539 00:38:05,766 --> 00:38:08,269 - Shut up and paddle. - I want Victor back. 540 00:38:08,769 --> 00:38:12,273 - We all want him back, Sammy, but he's not coming back. - My name isn't Sammy. 541 00:38:12,774 --> 00:38:15,777 We'll die without him. He's the only one who can navigate the river. 542 00:38:15,819 --> 00:38:18,280 Fine, you're right. I'll find the son of a gun. 543 00:38:18,780 --> 00:38:22,785 I'll bring him back here if it's the last thing I do, dead or alive. 544 00:38:22,826 --> 00:38:24,537 Alive. We want him alive. 545 00:38:24,578 --> 00:38:27,039 Okay. Wait here. 546 00:38:33,046 --> 00:38:36,049 Okay. Okay. 547 00:38:36,550 --> 00:38:38,051 All right. 548 00:39:01,202 --> 00:39:05,206 ♪ I was born to love I was born to dream ♪ 549 00:39:05,331 --> 00:39:08,209 ♪ The kinkiest boy you've ever seen ♪ 550 00:39:08,251 --> 00:39:11,922 ♪ I gotta do it my way ♪ 551 00:39:11,963 --> 00:39:15,551 ♪ Or no way at all ♪ 552 00:39:15,592 --> 00:39:19,096 ♪ So why don't you turn me loose ♪ 553 00:39:19,597 --> 00:39:22,308 ♪ Turn me loose ♪ 554 00:39:22,350 --> 00:39:26,229 ♪ I've gotta do it my way ♪ 555 00:39:26,354 --> 00:39:30,858 ♪ I wanna fly ♪ 556 00:39:41,995 --> 00:39:43,997 Ahh! 557 00:39:53,883 --> 00:39:55,635 Oh, my God! 558 00:39:56,136 --> 00:39:58,638 Look at Lindsay's chicken wings. 559 00:39:59,139 --> 00:40:00,766 Debbie Epstein has, like, playboy titties! 560 00:40:01,016 --> 00:40:04,520 - It's just like klute! - Holy shit, you guys! Look, look, look. 561 00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:08,524 Bend over, yes. Take 'em off, take 'em off. Yes! Yes! 562 00:40:08,566 --> 00:40:12,028 Guys, I'm gonna catch up with you later, okay? 563 00:40:14,531 --> 00:40:16,491 Dude, that's kind of sad. 564 00:40:16,533 --> 00:40:20,037 He gets so uncomfortable whenever we talk openly about sexual issues. 565 00:40:20,078 --> 00:40:22,498 You know, he's never been with a girl before. 566 00:40:22,539 --> 00:40:24,917 McKinley needs to experience the ultimate. 567 00:40:25,042 --> 00:40:26,544 I think you know what I'm talking about. 568 00:40:27,044 --> 00:40:29,047 You mean penis in vagina? 569 00:40:29,088 --> 00:40:31,508 No, dickhead. Sex. 570 00:40:31,549 --> 00:40:34,553 Oh, oh, oh. 571 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,183 They're total nymphos! Throw the ball! 572 00:40:39,224 --> 00:40:41,644 Yes! 573 00:40:41,685 --> 00:40:45,565 I'm sure we can convince one of the girls from bunk 10 to boink McKinley. 574 00:40:46,065 --> 00:40:48,526 They're really horny this summer. 575 00:40:48,568 --> 00:40:51,196 Where did he go, anyway? - I don't know. 576 00:40:51,696 --> 00:40:54,199 - Probably went to write his mommy and daddy a letter. - What a fag! 577 00:40:54,241 --> 00:40:57,202 - Who are we gonna set him up with? - How about Debbie? 578 00:40:57,244 --> 00:40:59,245 - No, she's got mono. - Right. 579 00:40:59,287 --> 00:41:01,164 - How about Debbie? - Who? 580 00:41:01,206 --> 00:41:05,210 - You know, Debbie Debbie. - Oh, Debbie Debbie. No, she's his cousin. 581 00:41:05,252 --> 00:41:09,214 - How about tall Debbie? - Too tall. 582 00:41:09,465 --> 00:41:12,969 How about Debbie freeman? She's in heat! 583 00:41:13,469 --> 00:41:16,472 - She wants to french. - No, you shithead. She wants to get boned. 584 00:41:16,514 --> 00:41:19,309 - Then I want her. - You're being ridiculous. 585 00:41:19,351 --> 00:41:21,853 I'm not being ridiculous! I'm just saying I want her. 586 00:41:21,895 --> 00:41:23,814 This isn't about you. This is about McKinley. 587 00:41:23,855 --> 00:41:27,860 Haven't you been listening to what we've been saying? We're trying to get our friend laid. 588 00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:32,365 - Ah! point taken. - Okay. Tonight... 589 00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:35,368 - Get McKinley laid. - Come hell or high water? 590 00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:37,329 Secret handshake? 591 00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:39,873 Get McKinley laid! 592 00:42:02,272 --> 00:42:03,774 As everybody knows, 593 00:42:04,275 --> 00:42:08,905 today is the big culminating, climactic softball game... 594 00:42:08,946 --> 00:42:12,408 - against evil Camp Tiger Claw. - Boo! 595 00:42:12,909 --> 00:42:14,911 We have put together an unlikely... 596 00:42:15,162 --> 00:42:18,665 team of misfits, and we've been training like crazy all summer. 597 00:42:19,166 --> 00:42:21,669 Yeah, it's a motley crew that you'd think... 598 00:42:22,169 --> 00:42:23,671 would never be able to win a single game. 599 00:42:24,171 --> 00:42:27,174 We had a kooky training period where it seemed like... 600 00:42:27,215 --> 00:42:30,177 it seemed like nothing was gonna go right. But, guys, 601 00:42:30,302 --> 00:42:32,263 somehow we made it to the finals. 602 00:42:32,304 --> 00:42:36,684 So I say, when those anonymously evil campers from Tiger Claw get here, 603 00:42:37,185 --> 00:42:40,688 we give it our best shot, and we try to come from behind at the last minute... 604 00:42:40,730 --> 00:42:43,692 with some weird trick play that we made up and we win the game. 605 00:42:43,733 --> 00:42:46,194 What do you say, team? 606 00:42:46,445 --> 00:42:47,946 It sounds like well-worn territory. 607 00:42:48,447 --> 00:42:50,449 The whole thing feels kind of trite. I say we forget it. 608 00:42:50,699 --> 00:42:53,202 - Is that how everybody feels? - Yeah. 609 00:42:53,244 --> 00:42:54,954 Well, it's fine with me. 610 00:43:06,467 --> 00:43:09,970 So listen, they just aren't into it. It's kind of trite. 611 00:43:10,012 --> 00:43:12,473 Yeah, you're right. No problem, man. 612 00:43:12,515 --> 00:43:15,476 It's sort of hackneyed. Tried and done before. 613 00:43:15,518 --> 00:43:17,479 See you later, man. 614 00:43:21,483 --> 00:43:23,986 It's no big deal. they were totally cool. 615 00:43:24,027 --> 00:43:25,988 Okay? All right. 616 00:43:32,745 --> 00:43:35,749 Susie is gonna score with McKinley. 617 00:43:36,249 --> 00:43:38,752 Then he's gonna need some eyewitnesses for verification. 618 00:43:38,877 --> 00:43:40,379 Let's go! 619 00:43:46,761 --> 00:43:50,598 Why does she still have her clothes on? 620 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:54,393 - Looks like she's playing the flute. - Oh, wow. kinky. 621 00:43:59,023 --> 00:44:01,484 As bared witness by myself, 622 00:44:01,526 --> 00:44:06,031 All of Camp Firewood and the higher power, however you define it, 623 00:44:06,406 --> 00:44:09,409 I hereby consecrate and sanctify the union... 624 00:44:09,660 --> 00:44:12,121 of McKinley and Ben. 625 00:44:12,162 --> 00:44:15,416 May their majestic and blessed love... 626 00:44:15,458 --> 00:44:18,669 flourish all the days of their lives. 627 00:44:20,171 --> 00:44:22,173 - Amen. - Amen. 628 00:44:22,424 --> 00:44:24,050 Amen. 629 00:44:27,930 --> 00:44:30,432 McKinley's a fag. 630 00:44:30,933 --> 00:44:34,437 - McKinley's a fag with Ben! - What are we gonna do? 631 00:44:35,730 --> 00:44:38,024 Capture the flag! 632 00:44:50,663 --> 00:44:53,666 Hey, aren't you gonna eat anything? 633 00:44:54,167 --> 00:44:55,668 I'm not hungry. 634 00:44:58,171 --> 00:45:01,675 So, you haven't made many friends this summer, have you? 635 00:45:01,716 --> 00:45:04,136 No, I have not. 636 00:45:04,177 --> 00:45:08,057 - Let's drop the robot voice, shall we? - Okay. 637 00:45:08,432 --> 00:45:12,061 - This your first summer here? - Fifth. You were my counselor... 638 00:45:12,186 --> 00:45:14,147 - three times. - Now I'm the camp director. 639 00:45:14,188 --> 00:45:17,692 If there's anything I can do to make your last day more enjoyable, let me know. 640 00:45:17,734 --> 00:45:19,653 Really? 641 00:45:19,694 --> 00:45:23,197 I have an idea. How about whatever you've been working on is your talent tonight? 642 00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:26,159 That way, the other campers can get to know you. 643 00:45:26,201 --> 00:45:30,080 - It's not a song or anything. - It's okay. I'll have Susie put you on the list. 644 00:45:30,580 --> 00:45:33,083 Oh, God! Thank you! 645 00:45:34,585 --> 00:45:37,463 - How was the waterfront this morning? - It was good. 646 00:45:37,963 --> 00:45:40,842 We gonna get a chance to spend time together? 647 00:45:40,883 --> 00:45:43,720 Are you gonna pound this into my face all day? 648 00:45:43,761 --> 00:45:46,181 Sorry. 649 00:45:46,222 --> 00:45:49,184 Apology accepted. 650 00:45:49,226 --> 00:45:52,730 Guess what. A bunch of us went into town and got ice cream and hamburgers... 651 00:45:52,771 --> 00:45:54,732 It smells like the ribs are ready. 652 00:45:59,237 --> 00:46:02,949 Beth, I may regret saying this, 653 00:46:02,991 --> 00:46:07,996 - but how dare you usurp my authority as producer... - Hmpf! 654 00:46:08,038 --> 00:46:09,998 Director/choreographer of the talent show? 655 00:46:10,499 --> 00:46:13,002 You were wrong to do that! 656 00:46:13,127 --> 00:46:15,588 I have been busting my balls, woman! 657 00:46:15,630 --> 00:46:18,633 I am telling you, the musical numbers are a mess, 658 00:46:19,133 --> 00:46:21,594 my kids are a bunch of amateurs, 659 00:46:21,636 --> 00:46:24,890 and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak... 660 00:46:24,931 --> 00:46:28,143 prancing around on stage making my life a living hell! 661 00:46:30,145 --> 00:46:32,773 All right, I'll put him last. 662 00:46:33,024 --> 00:46:35,026 Good. 663 00:46:35,526 --> 00:46:37,528 Oh, she always wins! 664 00:46:39,531 --> 00:46:42,534 Don't pick it up, stupid! 665 00:46:42,576 --> 00:46:45,370 Stop picking it up! 666 00:46:45,412 --> 00:46:48,123 You see? this is us, 667 00:46:48,165 --> 00:46:53,670 and we're traveling around the sun. 668 00:46:54,171 --> 00:46:59,677 That's a 1.3 million mile trip every year! 669 00:46:59,718 --> 00:47:02,138 Radical. 670 00:47:02,179 --> 00:47:05,683 You might say that each and every one of us... 671 00:47:05,725 --> 00:47:09,187 is a crew member here on spaceship earth. 672 00:47:09,688 --> 00:47:12,190 - When would we say that? - Any time. 673 00:47:12,232 --> 00:47:15,152 Dinner. Literally any time. 674 00:47:15,194 --> 00:47:19,073 You're amazing. I hope I can come to your college and you can be my professor. 675 00:47:19,115 --> 00:47:22,535 Actually, I, uh... 676 00:47:22,577 --> 00:47:26,081 I'm just an associate professor. 677 00:47:26,331 --> 00:47:28,333 - What does that mean? - Melvyn! 678 00:47:28,375 --> 00:47:30,335 No, no, it's all right. 679 00:47:30,585 --> 00:47:32,838 it means, Melvyn... 680 00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:35,090 It means that I'm... 681 00:47:39,095 --> 00:47:41,097 less than. 682 00:47:48,605 --> 00:47:50,607 Oh, God! 683 00:47:54,236 --> 00:47:56,739 Hey! What's goin' on? 684 00:47:58,366 --> 00:48:00,869 Hey, Beth. We're just having ourselves a little cry. 685 00:48:05,624 --> 00:48:07,584 I know what this group needs. 686 00:48:07,626 --> 00:48:10,629 How 'bout we grab some lunch and watch the "capture the flag" game? 687 00:48:10,671 --> 00:48:14,508 - What do you say? - I think we'll take a rain check, Beth. 688 00:48:15,009 --> 00:48:19,012 - We're in the middle of some pretty interesting stuff. - I'll make you a deal. 689 00:48:19,388 --> 00:48:21,849 You come watch the "capture the flag game" with the normal kids, 690 00:48:21,890 --> 00:48:25,394 and then you can have the whole rest of the day to learn about planets, stars, 691 00:48:25,895 --> 00:48:28,898 pulsars, heliocentricity, gravitational collapse... 692 00:48:29,274 --> 00:48:30,733 and the science of celestial mechanics... 693 00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:33,778 as shown through the work of the 19th century scientists... 694 00:48:33,820 --> 00:48:38,283 Alexis Clairaut, Jean d'Alembert and Pierre Laplace. 695 00:48:38,325 --> 00:48:41,036 - Okay? Ready? - Okay! 696 00:48:41,412 --> 00:48:44,040 Break! 697 00:48:47,043 --> 00:48:51,047 Gee, I was really impressed by some of the stuff you said back there. 698 00:48:51,089 --> 00:48:55,511 - Oh, it was... - No, Beth, you know what you're talking about. 699 00:48:55,552 --> 00:48:57,554 I don't know where you find the time to learn about astrophysics. 700 00:48:58,055 --> 00:49:01,559 I mean, with camp payroll and insurance to deal with. 701 00:49:02,059 --> 00:49:05,063 Keeping parents happy, supervising a young staff. 702 00:49:05,104 --> 00:49:08,024 - Keeping everyone fed. - Wow. 703 00:49:08,066 --> 00:49:12,070 It was in 1908 that the first American summer camps were founded in the Catskills. 704 00:49:15,324 --> 00:49:18,327 - Is there any more corn? - What? 705 00:49:18,828 --> 00:49:21,831 - More corn. - Oh, dude. 706 00:49:21,873 --> 00:49:24,834 - You got... - What, dude? 707 00:49:24,959 --> 00:49:27,462 What? What are you doing with your hand? 708 00:49:27,504 --> 00:49:30,048 On your face. You, uh... 709 00:49:30,090 --> 00:49:33,052 Cat got your tongue, Andy? What is it? 710 00:49:33,093 --> 00:49:35,846 You have barbecue sauce all over your face. 711 00:49:35,971 --> 00:49:38,975 - I know that. So? - It's pretty foul. 712 00:49:39,350 --> 00:49:44,856 It's just barbecue sauce. Come on. I wanna make out. 713 00:49:47,358 --> 00:49:49,360 Okay, but not here. 714 00:49:55,867 --> 00:49:58,328 What's it like being a professor? 715 00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:03,375 - What do they say, "publish or perish"? - Well, perish mostly. 716 00:50:03,417 --> 00:50:05,878 I'm up for tenure this fall. 717 00:50:06,379 --> 00:50:08,881 If I don't make my mark soon, I could end up out of work. 718 00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:11,885 But you're so talented! 719 00:50:12,385 --> 00:50:14,387 Tell that to my dean. 720 00:50:15,889 --> 00:50:19,393 Okay. Okay, what's his address? 721 00:50:19,435 --> 00:50:22,354 You serious? 56 Linden Lane. 722 00:50:22,396 --> 00:50:25,983 - Okay. City? - God, you're really... Augusta. 723 00:50:26,025 --> 00:50:29,028 - State? - I can't believe... well, Maine, of course. 724 00:50:29,529 --> 00:50:33,492 - ZIP? - This is... 04139. 725 00:50:33,533 --> 00:50:36,036 - Does he have an apartment number? - No! 726 00:50:36,537 --> 00:50:41,041 Beth, this is incredible. I don't know how to thank you. 727 00:50:41,083 --> 00:50:44,545 You already have, Henry. You already have. 728 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:57,184 This is crazy. This is crazy. 729 00:52:01,795 --> 00:52:04,298 That's it, Lars. 730 00:52:04,799 --> 00:52:06,801 Good. Keep your feet together. 731 00:52:06,843 --> 00:52:08,428 You got it. Good. 732 00:52:11,681 --> 00:52:13,642 Aah! 733 00:52:13,683 --> 00:52:17,312 You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore. 734 00:52:19,565 --> 00:52:21,066 Whatever! 735 00:52:26,072 --> 00:52:28,908 Damn it! 736 00:52:28,950 --> 00:52:31,578 Is it my turn yet? 737 00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:46,343 So, this is where I come when I want to think. 738 00:52:46,385 --> 00:52:48,345 Wow! 739 00:52:48,846 --> 00:52:51,349 It's very... 740 00:52:51,390 --> 00:52:53,851 Barn-like. 741 00:52:58,356 --> 00:53:00,817 You know, it's weird, Coop. 742 00:53:00,859 --> 00:53:04,363 I was supposed to be in the woods with Andy this afternoon, but... 743 00:53:04,404 --> 00:53:08,868 Oh. I'm sorry. We can go back. We should go back. 744 00:53:08,909 --> 00:53:12,371 No, no! It's okay. I can see him later. 745 00:53:18,378 --> 00:53:21,381 Give me your hand. 746 00:53:26,512 --> 00:53:28,472 It's cold. 747 00:53:28,514 --> 00:53:31,517 Yeah. I'm freezing. 748 00:53:32,018 --> 00:53:33,520 Do you want my sweatshirt? 749 00:53:33,561 --> 00:53:35,897 Do you mind? 750 00:53:51,414 --> 00:53:55,419 Okay, Coop, now I'm colder than I was before when I said I was cold. 751 00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,423 Well, do you want my flannel? 752 00:54:00,925 --> 00:54:03,427 Yeah. 753 00:54:12,061 --> 00:54:16,065 This is cool! It's really a great shirt. I love it. 754 00:54:16,107 --> 00:54:19,068 It's my favorite shirt. 755 00:54:19,569 --> 00:54:22,572 So... you're gonna have to give it back. 756 00:54:22,614 --> 00:54:24,574 Now? 757 00:54:25,075 --> 00:54:27,077 Yeah. 758 00:54:35,586 --> 00:54:38,047 What are we doing? 759 00:54:38,089 --> 00:54:41,593 - Do you mean like switching our shirts? - No. 760 00:54:42,094 --> 00:54:44,596 What are we doing? 761 00:54:44,638 --> 00:54:46,598 I don't know. 762 00:55:05,744 --> 00:55:09,624 Okay, so I'm Ron and I'm calling you. Here we go. Ring, ring. 763 00:55:09,999 --> 00:55:12,001 Hello? Hi, Gail. 764 00:55:12,043 --> 00:55:13,962 It's me, Ron. 765 00:55:14,003 --> 00:55:18,467 Hi, Ron. What do you want? Um, well... 766 00:55:18,508 --> 00:55:23,013 I'm ready to give our marriage another shot. What do you say? 767 00:55:24,515 --> 00:55:27,018 Um... 768 00:55:27,143 --> 00:55:29,145 Be strong, Gail! 769 00:55:29,270 --> 00:55:33,525 - No. - No, Ron, it's over. 770 00:55:33,566 --> 00:55:37,779 Good-bye. 771 00:55:45,787 --> 00:55:48,290 Hi, mom. Could you get dad? 772 00:55:48,332 --> 00:55:50,751 Just get him. 773 00:55:50,793 --> 00:55:54,797 Hi, dad. Okay, are you guys sitting down? 774 00:55:55,297 --> 00:55:58,301 I met somebody. Well, she's got this other boyfriend, 775 00:55:58,342 --> 00:56:00,803 but, well, it's just a matter of time, I think. 776 00:56:03,431 --> 00:56:05,934 Her name is Katie, and she's really great. 777 00:56:05,976 --> 00:56:08,896 And, um... what? I don't think so. 778 00:56:08,937 --> 00:56:11,899 She might be. She's got a pretty big nose. 779 00:56:11,941 --> 00:56:14,944 Well, I know how you guys worry that I have trouble meeting girls. 780 00:56:14,986 --> 00:56:17,405 And I'm just saying, worry no more. 781 00:56:17,447 --> 00:56:21,451 Well, I should get going. she's probably looking for me. 782 00:56:21,493 --> 00:56:25,455 Okay, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Bye-bye. 783 00:56:27,458 --> 00:56:29,919 This feels so good. 784 00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,964 Maybe you shouldn't jump the gun just yet, Coop. 785 00:56:33,339 --> 00:56:36,342 Very good, very good. 786 00:56:36,384 --> 00:56:38,845 A-plus for comedy, Beth. 787 00:56:39,346 --> 00:56:41,848 Ruth Buzzi better watch her back. 788 00:56:41,890 --> 00:56:44,852 Beth! "Jump the gun." 789 00:56:49,732 --> 00:56:52,610 ♪ Day by day ♪ 790 00:56:52,652 --> 00:56:55,447 ♪ Day by day ♪ 791 00:56:55,488 --> 00:57:00,869 Okay, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theater, you guys. 792 00:57:00,911 --> 00:57:04,415 God, am I at the Cleveland playhouse or something? 793 00:57:04,415 --> 00:57:07,834 Your craft is a muscle! You need to exercise it! 794 00:57:07,876 --> 00:57:11,254 Take a break! Think about what you've done. 795 00:57:11,755 --> 00:57:14,508 Gee, Susie, have you seen Katie anywhere? 796 00:57:14,550 --> 00:57:16,969 No. why? 797 00:57:17,011 --> 00:57:19,263 No particular reason. But if you see her, will you tell her I'm looking for her? 798 00:57:19,764 --> 00:57:22,517 - Sure. - Okay. 799 00:57:24,519 --> 00:57:27,022 All right, with passion! 800 00:57:29,650 --> 00:57:32,152 Katie! Are you in here? 801 00:57:32,277 --> 00:57:33,779 Oh, hi. 802 00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:37,283 Um, I want to talk to you later, okay? 803 00:57:37,658 --> 00:57:40,662 Oh, yeah. Sure. 804 00:57:50,923 --> 00:57:55,428 Dinner! 805 00:57:55,678 --> 00:57:58,681 - Have you seen J.J. and Gary? Do you know where they are? - Don't know. 806 00:57:58,723 --> 00:58:01,685 I'm a little worried they might have found out about us. - Hey! 807 00:58:01,935 --> 00:58:03,436 McKinley and Ben! 808 00:58:05,314 --> 00:58:08,192 This is for you. 809 00:58:11,695 --> 00:58:14,198 It's a chaise lounge. 810 00:58:14,448 --> 00:58:17,952 We didn't know if maybe you guys already had one. We have the receipt if you do. 811 00:58:17,994 --> 00:58:20,413 No, we don't have one. Thank you! 812 00:58:20,455 --> 00:58:22,958 It goes with the chenille throw cloth Beth's sister gave us. 813 00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:26,670 Okay, everybody, attention. I've got an announcement. 814 00:58:26,712 --> 00:58:29,215 I know you're all getting ready for the big talent show tonight, 815 00:58:29,256 --> 00:58:32,760 but the following campers need to put their trunks out... 816 00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:36,221 so the early bus to Boston can pick them up at 7:30 a.m. 817 00:58:36,263 --> 00:58:41,268 Amanda Klein, Jessica Azaria, 818 00:58:41,268 --> 00:58:46,232 Ira Stevenberg, Sol Zimmerstein, 819 00:58:47,734 --> 00:58:52,114 uh, David... Ben Gurion. 820 00:58:54,116 --> 00:58:57,620 Cookin' slop for the grunts in 'Nam was easier than this. 821 00:58:57,661 --> 00:59:01,123 We had no place being over there. 822 00:59:01,165 --> 00:59:03,084 It was a war we couldn't win, Gene. 823 00:59:03,126 --> 00:59:08,131 Yeah, well I'm gonna go smear some mud on my ass. 824 00:59:08,173 --> 00:59:10,509 What? 825 00:59:11,009 --> 00:59:16,474 I said, "I hear my bud's in class." 826 00:59:16,515 --> 00:59:19,769 I gotta go and call my bud and see how his grades are. 827 00:59:19,811 --> 00:59:23,022 - I, I gotta go. go away, leave me alone. - Gene, hold on. 828 00:59:23,523 --> 00:59:28,028 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, but don't lie about it. 829 00:59:28,070 --> 00:59:32,366 I mean, you clearly said, "smear mud on my ass." 830 00:59:32,408 --> 00:59:38,414 And I'll tell you something. If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass. 831 00:59:38,456 --> 00:59:40,792 Just be honest about it. 832 00:59:40,917 --> 00:59:44,421 Look, Gene, I've never told anyone this before. 833 00:59:44,462 --> 00:59:48,425 But I can suck my own dick. And I do it. 834 00:59:48,801 --> 00:59:51,303 A lot. 835 00:59:51,679 --> 00:59:53,681 There, I said it. I was honest. 836 00:59:53,723 --> 00:59:56,017 And you know what, Gene? 837 00:59:56,059 --> 00:59:59,062 Being honest makes you feel better. 838 01:00:00,313 --> 01:00:04,817 Hey, Katie, wait. I'm sorry about before. 839 01:00:04,859 --> 01:00:07,320 - I hope that wasn't bad timing. - No. 840 01:00:07,445 --> 01:00:09,405 - Coop, we have to talk. - Sure. 841 01:00:09,447 --> 01:00:13,452 I was thinking that what happened between us before was a mistake. 842 01:00:13,493 --> 01:00:15,913 - And, uh... - What? 843 01:00:15,954 --> 01:00:17,956 I wasn't thinking straight. It was wrong. 844 01:00:18,457 --> 01:00:23,462 No, it wasn't wrong. Katie, why are you doing this? 845 01:00:23,963 --> 01:00:25,923 I'm really sorry. 846 01:00:25,965 --> 01:00:28,968 Come on! This is a joke, right? 847 01:00:29,010 --> 01:00:31,429 I have a boyfriend, Coop. 848 01:00:31,471 --> 01:00:35,976 And I can't... I can't do this. I'm sorry. 849 01:00:40,982 --> 01:00:43,067 Wait, Katie! 850 01:00:43,109 --> 01:00:46,863 When we first started hanging out together this morning... 851 01:00:46,905 --> 01:00:48,823 we were just friends. 852 01:00:48,865 --> 01:00:52,369 But things change, and I've fallen in love with you. 853 01:00:52,870 --> 01:00:55,998 And I just, I just know that if you gave me a chance, 854 01:00:56,499 --> 01:00:58,960 I could make you feel so good. 855 01:00:59,001 --> 01:01:02,338 So I'm coming to you, not as your buddy, 856 01:01:02,380 --> 01:01:05,008 and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man. 857 01:01:05,508 --> 01:01:07,969 A man who loves a woman, 858 01:01:08,011 --> 01:01:11,014 and who wants to hold her, and provide for her, 859 01:01:11,056 --> 01:01:13,017 and, yes, have sex with her. 860 01:01:13,267 --> 01:01:16,270 But, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh. 861 01:01:16,312 --> 01:01:18,356 And I love the way your hair smells. 862 01:01:18,397 --> 01:01:22,402 And I love it that sometimes for no reason, you're late for shul. 863 01:01:22,652 --> 01:01:25,989 And I don't care that you're bowlegged and bilingual. 864 01:01:26,031 --> 01:01:29,034 All I know is I would have said "no" to every person on your list... 865 01:01:29,076 --> 01:01:32,036 because I've always wanted you. 866 01:01:34,414 --> 01:01:37,417 Coop, I don't know what to say. 867 01:01:40,421 --> 01:01:42,673 Coop, wait! 868 01:01:44,175 --> 01:01:47,678 Rachael Clipperhofferman, 869 01:01:49,180 --> 01:01:51,182 - Steven Schenk... - Beth! 870 01:01:51,433 --> 01:01:54,936 - Can I make a quick announcement before we finish up? - Sure thing. 871 01:01:59,316 --> 01:02:03,321 I want to thank all of you for a terrific summer. 872 01:02:03,362 --> 01:02:05,823 Cooking for all you nice people... 873 01:02:06,199 --> 01:02:10,453 has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam war. 874 01:02:10,495 --> 01:02:12,956 Have a great winter! I'm gonna go hump the fridge! 875 01:02:13,331 --> 01:02:15,584 What? 876 01:02:19,588 --> 01:02:24,594 Yes, folks, it's true. I said, "I'm gonna go hump the fridge." 877 01:02:26,471 --> 01:02:31,560 What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream. 878 01:02:31,601 --> 01:02:36,607 I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. 879 01:02:36,857 --> 01:02:40,361 You're probably asking yourselves, "isn't he a weirdo, 880 01:02:40,403 --> 01:02:42,363 outcast, loose cannon?" 881 01:02:44,240 --> 01:02:47,702 Maybe. I don't think so. 882 01:02:47,744 --> 01:02:51,748 I want to introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend. 883 01:02:54,251 --> 01:02:56,754 I don't know who he is, but I do know this. 884 01:02:57,254 --> 01:03:02,259 At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, 885 01:03:02,301 --> 01:03:06,263 He was there to show me a new way. 886 01:03:08,265 --> 01:03:10,768 Because I couldn't hide from him. 887 01:03:11,769 --> 01:03:14,773 And I can be proud of who I am. 888 01:03:16,775 --> 01:03:20,279 I put it to you, Camp Firewood, 889 01:03:20,779 --> 01:03:25,284 As we spend our last dinner together: Be proud of who you are! 890 01:03:27,662 --> 01:03:30,665 Look at me, ma! 891 01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:34,502 I made it! I'm okay! 892 01:03:44,430 --> 01:03:46,432 Now, if you don't mind, 893 01:03:48,434 --> 01:03:51,938 I have some unfinished business to attend to. 894 01:04:07,956 --> 01:04:11,960 Great! 895 01:04:25,850 --> 01:04:28,853 Hey! Hey! 896 01:04:33,107 --> 01:04:36,110 You fuckin' assholes! Let me go! 897 01:04:38,113 --> 01:04:41,074 No! No! No! 898 01:04:41,116 --> 01:04:43,619 Please, stop! No, no, no! 899 01:04:43,660 --> 01:04:47,122 No! No! 900 01:04:57,008 --> 01:05:01,096 Oh, Henry, I'm so happy. 901 01:05:01,138 --> 01:05:04,141 But what will become of us tomorrow? 902 01:05:04,183 --> 01:05:07,103 Hey, you. Penny for your thoughts. 903 01:05:07,144 --> 01:05:10,148 Beth, tomorrow's the least of our problems. 904 01:05:10,648 --> 01:05:14,152 Don't tell me. Don't even tell me you have crabs. 905 01:05:14,653 --> 01:05:17,114 No. Well, yes, but that's not the point. 906 01:05:17,155 --> 01:05:20,117 - What is the point? - This isn't the time or the place to discuss it. 907 01:05:20,159 --> 01:05:24,163 Beth, meet me at the picnic table in ten seconds. I'll tell you all about it. 908 01:05:24,205 --> 01:05:26,624 Okay. 909 01:05:35,676 --> 01:05:40,139 Beth, hello. Thanks for coming. Let's get right to it. 910 01:05:40,180 --> 01:05:42,683 You may recall ten seconds ago, I asked you to join me here by the picnic table... 911 01:05:43,184 --> 01:05:44,685 so I could tell you what's going on. 912 01:05:45,186 --> 01:05:49,691 Well, earlier today, I saw what I thought was possibly a planet, 913 01:05:49,733 --> 01:05:53,028 also possibly a meteor in the evening sky. 914 01:05:53,070 --> 01:05:56,280 I now believe that object was none other... 915 01:05:56,322 --> 01:06:00,326 than a renegade piece of Skylab, the NASA space station. 916 01:06:00,368 --> 01:06:03,830 - And it's heading right for the camp. - Oh, my God! 917 01:06:04,331 --> 01:06:08,335 And there's more. We have no way of pinpointing exactly where it's going to land. 918 01:06:08,836 --> 01:06:10,796 - It could kill us all! - Jesus! 919 01:06:10,838 --> 01:06:13,800 Wait a minute! There might be a way... 920 01:06:13,841 --> 01:06:16,803 to build a homemade Skylab tracking device! 921 01:06:16,844 --> 01:06:20,473 - Which accomplishes? - We could surmise the location of impact. 922 01:06:20,515 --> 01:06:23,477 We could avert a tragedy on the scale of the Hindenburg. 923 01:06:23,518 --> 01:06:26,855 - Beth, will you help us? - Anything you need. 924 01:06:26,897 --> 01:06:29,608 Let's do it! 925 01:06:29,734 --> 01:06:31,235 Hey, Andy? 926 01:06:31,736 --> 01:06:34,489 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure. 927 01:06:34,739 --> 01:06:36,241 - Okay, well... - Time's up. 928 01:06:36,741 --> 01:06:38,743 You said a second. 929 01:06:38,869 --> 01:06:42,372 - I want to ask you something. - So you want to talk for more than a second? 930 01:06:42,498 --> 01:06:45,459 - Yeah. - What is it then? like a couple minutes? 931 01:06:45,501 --> 01:06:48,254 - No. yeah, at most, say, like three minutes. - Fine. 932 01:06:48,629 --> 01:06:51,633 - Do you really love Katie? - Not really. 933 01:06:51,758 --> 01:06:53,718 Because I really love her, man. 934 01:06:53,760 --> 01:06:57,764 And if you have one ounce of decency, you will do the right thing and let her go. 935 01:06:57,806 --> 01:06:59,516 - No way! - No way? 936 01:06:59,892 --> 01:07:03,020 Fuck no, dude. She's hot! In fact, fuck off. 937 01:07:03,062 --> 01:07:05,606 I will not fuck off. 938 01:07:05,648 --> 01:07:08,401 You're making a really big mistake, buddy, 939 01:07:08,443 --> 01:07:11,154 because that woman is not your plaything. 940 01:07:11,404 --> 01:07:15,909 Coop, seriously... Fuck off. 941 01:07:16,034 --> 01:07:20,039 - I'm sick of talking about this with you. - God! 942 01:07:27,671 --> 01:07:29,923 Whoa! 943 01:07:36,931 --> 01:07:39,934 So this is the Skylab tracking device? 944 01:07:39,976 --> 01:07:41,895 Is this gonna save my camp? 945 01:07:41,936 --> 01:07:44,689 I don't know. But if it does, we'll all be heroes. 946 01:07:44,731 --> 01:07:47,609 In fact, I just got word that if we pull this off, 947 01:07:47,651 --> 01:07:50,404 I could be up for the Hopkins prize for physics. 948 01:07:50,446 --> 01:07:54,951 The Hopkins! Baby, what a dream. You'll finally get your tenure. 949 01:08:09,717 --> 01:08:11,719 Be proud of who you are. 950 01:08:12,220 --> 01:08:14,180 Huh? 951 01:08:14,222 --> 01:08:17,684 - Gene? - Shh. 952 01:08:17,726 --> 01:08:21,730 - It isn't about the girl. - It isn't? 953 01:08:22,230 --> 01:08:24,233 Well, it is, 954 01:08:25,734 --> 01:08:29,739 but see if you can follow me here. 955 01:08:29,780 --> 01:08:32,742 It... 956 01:08:33,243 --> 01:08:35,245 isn't. 957 01:08:36,246 --> 01:08:38,707 Oh. 958 01:08:38,749 --> 01:08:42,753 So it is and it isn't. 959 01:08:49,260 --> 01:08:53,263 You are ready to be taught the new way. 960 01:08:55,266 --> 01:09:00,772 Will you help teach me about this... 961 01:09:00,813 --> 01:09:04,776 What is it? a "new way"? 962 01:09:43,193 --> 01:09:45,195 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 963 01:09:45,445 --> 01:09:50,451 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 964 01:09:50,493 --> 01:09:55,456 ♪ Nothing to fear it's only desire ♪ 965 01:09:55,498 --> 01:09:57,459 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 966 01:09:57,959 --> 01:10:02,464 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 967 01:10:02,506 --> 01:10:05,968 ♪ Higher, higher ♪ 968 01:10:06,010 --> 01:10:09,430 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 969 01:10:09,472 --> 01:10:14,727 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 970 01:10:15,728 --> 01:10:19,357 ♪ Nothing to fear it's only desire ♪ 971 01:10:19,399 --> 01:10:22,860 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 972 01:10:22,902 --> 01:10:25,363 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 973 01:10:33,372 --> 01:10:34,790 Abby. 974 01:10:35,291 --> 01:10:38,294 Abby. Abby, my lover, my friend. Abby! 975 01:10:46,428 --> 01:10:50,140 - Hey, Neil, what's up? - Victor abandoned the raft trip, 976 01:10:50,182 --> 01:10:52,685 and now the kids are about to go over devil's canyon rapids! 977 01:10:57,440 --> 01:10:59,692 - Where did he go? - He wanted to get back to camp. 978 01:10:59,734 --> 01:11:01,861 So you left the campers alone on the river? 979 01:11:01,861 --> 01:11:03,905 Only Victor knows how to navigate those rapids. 980 01:11:03,947 --> 01:11:06,450 We've got to find him and get him back to that river. 981 01:11:06,491 --> 01:11:09,328 It's him! Victor! Victor! 982 01:11:09,828 --> 01:11:11,830 - We lost him, goddamn it! - I've got him! 983 01:11:12,331 --> 01:11:14,166 - Where is he? - He's calling from inside the camp. 984 01:11:14,208 --> 01:11:17,712 The only other phone is in the infirmary! We gotta go! 985 01:11:20,465 --> 01:11:22,467 Ahhh. 986 01:11:26,346 --> 01:11:27,848 Beth, what's the matter? 987 01:11:28,348 --> 01:11:31,352 The phone! Where's the fucking phone? 988 01:11:31,852 --> 01:11:34,856 In the back room. 989 01:11:51,373 --> 01:11:54,376 We're losing time! 990 01:11:59,632 --> 01:12:02,635 My baby! 991 01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:05,763 I want to make love to you! 992 01:12:06,264 --> 01:12:08,266 Abby! 993 01:12:09,768 --> 01:12:11,269 Abby? 994 01:12:13,272 --> 01:12:14,731 Moose? 995 01:12:14,773 --> 01:12:17,526 Um, you're gonna think this is so shallow, 996 01:12:17,568 --> 01:12:20,279 - but what was your name again? - Oh, my God. 997 01:12:20,780 --> 01:12:24,284 Do you have any idea... 998 01:12:24,325 --> 01:12:27,787 what I had to go through to see you? 999 01:12:28,288 --> 01:12:31,291 You snooze, you lose, dude. 1000 01:12:33,293 --> 01:12:37,798 Victor Pulak, there's a raft of campers about to go over devil's canyon rapids! 1001 01:12:39,425 --> 01:12:42,929 Are you gonna be part of the problem, or are you the solution? 1002 01:12:49,311 --> 01:12:51,772 Let's go. 1003 01:12:51,814 --> 01:12:54,817 Let's go! 1004 01:12:59,697 --> 01:13:01,199 Here we go. 1005 01:13:05,704 --> 01:13:09,166 - Oh, fuck my cock! - What does it say? 1006 01:13:09,208 --> 01:13:12,711 According to this readout, Skylab is going to land directly on the rec hall. 1007 01:13:12,753 --> 01:13:14,672 Oh, no. When? 1008 01:13:14,714 --> 01:13:17,174 - Sometime in the next 90 minutes. - Oh, my God! 1009 01:13:17,215 --> 01:13:20,719 - That's only one mix tape. - The talent show's starting right now! 1010 01:13:21,220 --> 01:13:24,348 - Good evening, Firewood! - Are you ready for some talent? 1011 01:13:27,226 --> 01:13:30,104 - Beth, we have to evacuate the rec hall immediately! - Yeah. 1012 01:13:30,230 --> 01:13:32,065 Victor! 1013 01:13:32,107 --> 01:13:33,859 Come on! 1014 01:13:37,488 --> 01:13:39,490 Stand back. 1015 01:13:41,992 --> 01:13:43,995 Whoa! Whoa! 1016 01:13:44,495 --> 01:13:49,501 You're a master, Vic. What the... what the fu... what? 1017 01:13:49,542 --> 01:13:52,003 You're doing it. You're actually doing it. 1018 01:13:52,504 --> 01:13:56,008 Oh! You saved them! You saved them! 1019 01:13:59,386 --> 01:14:03,391 Victor Pulak, You're okay by me. 1020 01:14:03,433 --> 01:14:05,393 I'm okay, you're okay. 1021 01:14:05,894 --> 01:14:10,399 And Neil, next time we go camping, you drive the Van. 1022 01:14:27,918 --> 01:14:30,170 I wish there was another way. Maybe we should just let them die. 1023 01:14:30,671 --> 01:14:32,172 No! My friend, Jimmy's, in there. 1024 01:14:32,673 --> 01:14:34,675 - You have a friend? - I'm kidding. 1025 01:14:34,925 --> 01:14:36,927 Wait a minute. 1026 01:14:39,931 --> 01:14:41,891 - No. - What? 1027 01:14:41,933 --> 01:14:45,436 Well, there might be a way that we could use our device... 1028 01:14:45,477 --> 01:14:49,440 to slightly change its direction, but... 1029 01:14:49,482 --> 01:14:51,401 no, it's impossible. 1030 01:14:51,442 --> 01:14:53,403 Why? What's the problem? 1031 01:14:53,445 --> 01:14:55,906 In order to do it, we would somehow have to be able... 1032 01:14:55,947 --> 01:14:58,951 to repeatedly generate random numbers between one and twenty... 1033 01:14:59,451 --> 01:15:00,953 in order to calibrate the deferential. 1034 01:15:01,453 --> 01:15:05,958 That would take some sort of super mainframe computer and we don't have one. 1035 01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:08,711 So all is lost. 1036 01:15:08,753 --> 01:15:11,423 No, it's not. 1037 01:15:11,464 --> 01:15:14,968 Any dungeon master worth his weight in geldings... 1038 01:15:15,010 --> 01:15:18,472 goes nowhere without his... 1039 01:15:20,474 --> 01:15:22,435 20-sided die. 1040 01:15:22,476 --> 01:15:26,355 I'd like to introduce us to the emcee for the evening. 1041 01:15:26,856 --> 01:15:31,862 We brought him all the way from Kutscher's Country Club in the Catskill mountains. 1042 01:15:31,903 --> 01:15:35,365 Wait! I have some bad news! 1043 01:15:36,992 --> 01:15:39,495 And my bad news is... 1044 01:15:44,125 --> 01:15:49,130 and my bad news is... there is no bad news. I was just joking. 1045 01:15:49,506 --> 01:15:51,466 Good one, Beth. 1046 01:15:51,508 --> 01:15:55,512 Let's give a Firewood welcome to Mr. Alan Shemper! 1047 01:15:58,766 --> 01:16:00,726 Thank you very much. 1048 01:16:00,768 --> 01:16:05,273 Hello, Camp Firewood. Thank you for having me. 1049 01:16:05,648 --> 01:16:10,654 I went to sleep-away camp so long ago that it was the stone age. 1050 01:16:11,655 --> 01:16:13,656 Seriously, it wasn't the stone age. 1051 01:16:13,698 --> 01:16:16,117 It was the ice age! 1052 01:16:16,159 --> 01:16:19,788 No, really, it was the stone age. But, folks, 1053 01:16:20,288 --> 01:16:24,001 actually I went to camp Machnudin... 1054 01:16:24,043 --> 01:16:26,045 in the pine hills of Westchester, New York. 1055 01:16:26,086 --> 01:16:28,005 And that was so long ago... 1056 01:16:28,047 --> 01:16:32,051 for breakfast we had to eat scrambled pterodactyl eggs... 1057 01:16:32,093 --> 01:16:35,055 and Raptor bacon! 1058 01:16:35,180 --> 01:16:38,433 Back then we didn't have cots, we had slabs. 1059 01:16:39,935 --> 01:16:43,188 Instead of sleeping bags, we had sleeping pelts. 1060 01:16:51,322 --> 01:16:56,328 Our first act hails all the way from over in bunk 2. 1061 01:16:56,828 --> 01:17:01,834 And his name is Roger, The Master Broom Balancer. 1062 01:17:14,723 --> 01:17:16,225 Holy cow! 1063 01:17:17,851 --> 01:17:20,855 Right here, right here. 1064 01:17:20,896 --> 01:17:23,357 Let's pray to God this works. 1065 01:17:24,859 --> 01:17:27,737 ♪ Love will pervade us till death separates us ♪ 1066 01:17:27,779 --> 01:17:31,241 ♪ We're friends friends, friends ♪ 1067 01:17:31,283 --> 01:17:34,703 That's from us to bunk 7! 1068 01:17:34,745 --> 01:17:36,955 - Nine or six, what was it? - Nine! 1069 01:17:36,997 --> 01:17:41,501 Okay. We're getting closer. Give me another. Seven. 1070 01:17:41,543 --> 01:17:44,338 White folks are so stupid when they get mad. 1071 01:17:44,379 --> 01:17:47,883 They be like, "hey, asshole, I'm going to kick your behind." 1072 01:17:47,925 --> 01:17:50,886 But the brothers don't even need to raise their voice. 1073 01:17:50,928 --> 01:17:53,890 These motherfuckers be like, "don't make me say it twice." 1074 01:17:54,390 --> 01:17:55,892 That's true, that's true. 1075 01:17:55,934 --> 01:17:57,894 I hate white people! 1076 01:17:58,395 --> 01:18:02,900 Be that as it may, this next act is a guy named Bert Flugalman. 1077 01:18:02,941 --> 01:18:05,402 But it says here that you all know him as... 1078 01:18:05,903 --> 01:18:08,656 Mooooose! 1079 01:18:25,549 --> 01:18:27,510 Gail. 1080 01:18:27,551 --> 01:18:31,055 - Gail. - Ron. 1081 01:18:33,933 --> 01:18:35,435 What are you doing here? 1082 01:18:35,685 --> 01:18:38,188 I've been thinking about you a lot. 1083 01:18:38,689 --> 01:18:41,191 And I want you back. 1084 01:18:45,071 --> 01:18:48,032 Ron... I love you, 1085 01:18:48,074 --> 01:18:51,578 and I want to be with you, but... 1086 01:18:53,580 --> 01:18:56,083 I've just had too many woulda-coulda-shouldas in my life. 1087 01:18:56,124 --> 01:18:58,544 Well, I'm just... 1088 01:18:58,585 --> 01:19:02,590 I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know? 1089 01:19:02,631 --> 01:19:06,094 And if you can't handle that, then to hell with you! 1090 01:19:06,219 --> 01:19:09,221 You'll come back to me, Gail. I know you will. 1091 01:19:15,102 --> 01:19:18,106 I don't think so, Ronald von Kleinenshtein. 1092 01:19:18,147 --> 01:19:20,608 I really don't think so. 1093 01:19:27,241 --> 01:19:30,870 And now, Camp Fizzie-poo, performing the song... 1094 01:19:30,911 --> 01:19:34,373 "Day by day" from the musical godspell, 1095 01:19:34,415 --> 01:19:36,376 is Susie's drama group. 1096 01:19:37,877 --> 01:19:39,379 Before we start, I'd just like to say... 1097 01:19:39,879 --> 01:19:41,882 that the campers you're about to see suck dick. 1098 01:19:41,923 --> 01:19:43,884 Nevertheless, please welcome them. 1099 01:19:56,898 --> 01:20:00,402 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1100 01:20:00,444 --> 01:20:03,864 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1101 01:20:03,906 --> 01:20:10,913 ♪ Oh, dear Lord three things I pray ♪ 1102 01:20:12,790 --> 01:20:15,293 ♪ To see thee more clearly ♪ 1103 01:20:15,794 --> 01:20:18,296 ♪ To love thee more dearly ♪ 1104 01:20:19,172 --> 01:20:23,302 ♪ Follow thee more nearly ♪ 1105 01:20:23,802 --> 01:20:25,429 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1106 01:20:27,306 --> 01:20:30,810 ♪ Day by day ♪ ♪ Day by day ♪ 1107 01:20:30,852 --> 01:20:33,313 ♪ Day by day ♪ 1108 01:20:33,813 --> 01:20:39,569 ♪ Oh, dear Lord three things I pray ♪ 1109 01:20:41,946 --> 01:20:43,948 ♪ To see thee more clearly ♪ 1110 01:20:44,449 --> 01:20:48,412 ♪ Love thee more dearly ♪ 1111 01:20:48,453 --> 01:20:53,459 ♪ Follow thee more nearly day by day ♪ 1112 01:20:55,211 --> 01:21:02,844 ♪ Day by day by day by day by day ♪ 1113 01:21:03,970 --> 01:21:07,432 Boo! 1114 01:21:07,474 --> 01:21:10,477 Well, well, well, I can honestly say... 1115 01:21:10,978 --> 01:21:13,439 that there is no Broadway ditty... 1116 01:21:13,481 --> 01:21:17,986 closer to my heart than the one you just heard, "day bidet." 1117 01:21:18,361 --> 01:21:19,821 Give me another. 1118 01:21:19,863 --> 01:21:21,865 - Twenty. - There's not much time left. 1119 01:21:22,240 --> 01:21:26,745 When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. 1120 01:21:26,787 --> 01:21:30,750 Or as we used to call it, arts and "farts" and crafts. 1121 01:21:30,875 --> 01:21:33,377 We used to make drawings. 1122 01:21:33,503 --> 01:21:35,505 Cave drawings! 1123 01:21:35,755 --> 01:21:39,217 Which is my way of saying we were cavemen. 1124 01:21:39,259 --> 01:21:42,763 I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying... 1125 01:21:42,804 --> 01:21:46,225 "Sticks and stones may break my bones," and meaning it! 1126 01:21:46,267 --> 01:21:51,272 I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! 1127 01:21:51,314 --> 01:21:55,276 And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet. 1128 01:21:55,652 --> 01:21:58,405 His name was Ugh, and he walked on all fours! 1129 01:21:58,447 --> 01:22:01,783 There were two epidemics when I went to camp. 1130 01:22:01,825 --> 01:22:05,162 Head lice and the plague... the bubonic plague. 1131 01:22:30,063 --> 01:22:32,566 ♪ When you look into his eyes ♪ 1132 01:22:32,942 --> 01:22:35,444 ♪ It comes to you as no surprise ♪ 1133 01:22:36,570 --> 01:22:39,532 ♪ I was the same ♪ 1134 01:22:39,574 --> 01:22:43,078 Katie, I came here to tell you I'm leaving. 1135 01:22:45,080 --> 01:22:47,040 - Uh, what? - Yeah. 1136 01:22:47,082 --> 01:22:50,586 I've grown up a lot since before dinner when we last talked. 1137 01:22:50,628 --> 01:22:54,548 - Where are you going? - I don't know. 1138 01:22:54,590 --> 01:22:59,095 Maybe see the world. I got a couple more weeks before school starts. 1139 01:22:59,596 --> 01:23:03,475 - But... - Hey. 1140 01:23:04,476 --> 01:23:07,479 I want you to have this. 1141 01:23:12,735 --> 01:23:16,114 Hurry up! I think I can see it coming towards us! 1142 01:23:20,118 --> 01:23:23,121 And finally, ladies and germs, is a dude... 1143 01:23:23,163 --> 01:23:27,626 who goes by the name of... "Steve." 1144 01:23:27,668 --> 01:23:31,005 Let's give him a hand. 1145 01:23:41,140 --> 01:23:44,143 Come on, do something. Or get the fuck off the stage! 1146 01:24:09,546 --> 01:24:12,049 Is that wind? 1147 01:24:29,318 --> 01:24:31,820 Oh, my God. 1148 01:24:36,450 --> 01:24:38,411 Coop? 1149 01:24:38,453 --> 01:24:41,706 Coop, Coop, don't leave. 1150 01:24:41,748 --> 01:24:44,960 Coop! Coop, I love you! 1151 01:24:46,962 --> 01:24:50,424 Yeah, I didn't know it until this very moment for sure, 1152 01:24:50,466 --> 01:24:54,971 but now I know, and it feels like nothing I've ever known before. 1153 01:24:55,012 --> 01:24:56,931 It feels so good. I love you. 1154 01:24:56,973 --> 01:24:59,809 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 1155 01:24:59,851 --> 01:25:05,106 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 1156 01:25:05,356 --> 01:25:10,487 ♪ Nothing to fear it's only desire ♪ 1157 01:25:10,528 --> 01:25:12,989 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 1158 01:25:14,116 --> 01:25:17,995 ♪ Into this fever into this fire ♪ 1159 01:25:18,245 --> 01:25:21,499 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 1160 01:25:21,540 --> 01:25:25,962 ♪ There's nothing evil ♪ 1161 01:25:26,004 --> 01:25:28,006 ♪ Taking it higher and higher ♪ 1162 01:25:28,256 --> 01:25:30,217 How do I know it's real this time? 1163 01:25:30,258 --> 01:25:33,262 Because I'm telling you. That's all I can do. 1164 01:25:33,303 --> 01:25:35,222 I love you. 1165 01:25:35,264 --> 01:25:39,769 - Say it again. - I love you, I love you, Gerald Cooperberg! 1166 01:25:44,023 --> 01:25:47,027 ♪ Show me the fever ♪ 1167 01:25:47,277 --> 01:25:51,531 ♪ Into the fire taking it higher and higher ♪ 1168 01:25:56,537 --> 01:25:59,040 It's working! 1169 01:26:20,188 --> 01:26:23,024 Way to go, guys! 1170 01:26:23,024 --> 01:26:25,819 Beth, we did it. 1171 01:26:39,333 --> 01:26:40,834 Whoo! 1172 01:26:59,980 --> 01:27:03,985 Baby, that was beautiful! 1173 01:27:35,686 --> 01:27:41,067 You better write to me. I'm gonna miss you so much! 1174 01:27:46,448 --> 01:27:48,950 Beth! Beth! I got it! 1175 01:27:48,992 --> 01:27:51,411 The Hopkins award! 1176 01:27:51,453 --> 01:27:56,459 And, NASA's hiring me to go to work for them at Cape Canaveral, Florida. 1177 01:27:56,959 --> 01:27:58,960 I'll have a whole new life! 1178 01:27:59,461 --> 01:28:01,421 That's wonderful. 1179 01:28:01,463 --> 01:28:05,467 I knew this would happen. I would meet you, fall in love and you would leave me. 1180 01:28:05,968 --> 01:28:08,471 Wait, hold on, Beth. I've already told them, 1181 01:28:08,512 --> 01:28:10,932 I need an apartment for two people. 1182 01:28:10,973 --> 01:28:14,436 - And they'll fly you back here every summer. - Fuck you! 1183 01:28:14,477 --> 01:28:19,483 And, Beth, I know we've been having trouble with, you know... 1184 01:28:19,524 --> 01:28:22,486 but I was thinking when the time comes, we can adopt. 1185 01:28:22,528 --> 01:28:25,448 Shh. It's happened. 1186 01:28:25,489 --> 01:28:27,492 I'm pregnant. We're gonna have a baby. 1187 01:28:27,992 --> 01:28:31,496 Oh. Oh, baby! 1188 01:28:31,621 --> 01:28:34,124 - Good-bye, Beth. - Oh, hey! 1189 01:28:34,624 --> 01:28:36,627 Looks like everything worked out for you two. 1190 01:28:37,127 --> 01:28:39,129 Yeah, it's the best thing that's ever happened in my life. 1191 01:28:39,171 --> 01:28:41,131 I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because we want you... 1192 01:28:41,173 --> 01:28:44,135 to be the guest of honor at our wedding next week. 1193 01:28:44,635 --> 01:28:46,637 We would be delighted. But I hope it's not Jumbo shrimp... 1194 01:28:46,679 --> 01:28:50,141 because I'm allergic to oxymorons. 1195 01:28:53,645 --> 01:28:55,647 - Bye. - Bye. 1196 01:29:12,916 --> 01:29:15,419 We saved everyone's life and they'll never know it. 1197 01:29:15,461 --> 01:29:17,421 I almost like it better that way. 1198 01:29:17,922 --> 01:29:19,924 It was us rolling the dice that diverted it, right? 1199 01:29:20,424 --> 01:29:23,886 - Not the enormous gust of wind, right? - Right. 1200 01:29:23,928 --> 01:29:27,431 I feel like this entire summer, which kind of sucked, 1201 01:29:27,473 --> 01:29:30,935 has been rejuvenated by the events of the past 24 hours. 1202 01:29:30,977 --> 01:29:35,940 Yeah, it's like... well, forget it. 1203 01:29:35,982 --> 01:29:37,942 - You know what? - What? 1204 01:29:38,443 --> 01:29:42,447 You guys are my best friends. Well, my only friends. 1205 01:29:42,489 --> 01:29:45,451 - Yeah. - Nanoo-nanoo. 1206 01:29:52,458 --> 01:29:54,919 - So, this is it, babe. - Yep. 1207 01:29:54,961 --> 01:29:58,715 So, obviously I think we should get together in the city next weekend. 1208 01:29:58,757 --> 01:30:03,387 - I'll call my parents, and you can talk to your dad and Kim. - Listen. 1209 01:30:03,429 --> 01:30:07,975 Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic. 1210 01:30:08,017 --> 01:30:10,937 No doubt about it. And that's great. 1211 01:30:10,979 --> 01:30:14,441 But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: 1212 01:30:14,482 --> 01:30:17,486 Andy's really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too. 1213 01:30:17,986 --> 01:30:22,449 But Andy is like cut from marble. He's gorgeous. 1214 01:30:22,491 --> 01:30:26,496 He's like this beautiful face and this incredible body, 1215 01:30:26,537 --> 01:30:30,500 and I genuinely don't care that he's kind of lame. 1216 01:30:30,750 --> 01:30:33,753 I don't even care that he cheats on me. 1217 01:30:34,254 --> 01:30:37,216 And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. 1218 01:30:37,257 --> 01:30:40,261 And maybe it will be a different story like when I'm ready to get married. 1219 01:30:40,302 --> 01:30:44,265 But right now, I'm entirely about sex. I just want Andy. 1220 01:30:44,765 --> 01:30:46,726 - Yeah. - I wanna take him, 1221 01:30:46,768 --> 01:30:50,772 And grab him and just fuck his brains out, you know? 1222 01:30:50,814 --> 01:30:53,316 So that's where my priorities are right now. 1223 01:30:53,358 --> 01:30:56,069 Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you. 1224 01:30:56,110 --> 01:30:58,780 But you're really nice. Everybody thinks so. 1225 01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:03,285 And I'm sorry if this isn't the direction you saw things going between us. 1226 01:31:03,326 --> 01:31:06,330 I still totally want to be friends. 1227 01:31:06,371 --> 01:31:09,291 You better write me a letter, okay? 1228 01:31:09,333 --> 01:31:11,752 Sure. 1229 01:31:11,794 --> 01:31:14,172 Cool? 1230 01:31:17,175 --> 01:31:20,178 Katie, let's go. 1231 01:31:38,323 --> 01:31:41,326 - How you doing? - Good.