0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:16,000
...:::: SiliconChip ::::...
1
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:13,500
Jack And Jill [2011]
1
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,121
BOTH: And we were born
on September 15...
2
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,672
1989.
3
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,499
And... And she's the older...
Older twin.
4
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,001
I'm older by 10 minutes.
She's... Ten minutes.
5
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,757
Cause she had
an umbilical cord
6
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,303
wrapped around her neck.
7
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,632
And she, like, shoved me in
there and wouldn't let me out.
8
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,216
I was, like, kicking her in,
9
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,097
shoving her more in my mom,
10
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,721
so that's why she came
out, like, later. Yeah.
11
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,522
And... She came out
the bigger twin, too.
12
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,817
Well, I came out a pound
heavier than Kara,
13
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,986
so that's why
I'm an inch taller now.
14
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,280
She's always been,
like, a pound heavier.
15
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,447
No.
16
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:05,907
So, yeah, it's... You know,
17
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,951
I love being twins, man.
It's, uh...
18
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,279
It's basically like you
have a bag of spare parts.
19
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,363
Yeah. You know what I mean?
20
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,914
It's, like, I need a
kidney down the road,
21
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,992
I know he's got one,
so I'm always like,
22
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,622
"Hey, stay healthy, dude.
Eat right."
23
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,580
When we were kids, we had
our own secret language
24
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:22,257
that only me and my
brother understood.
25
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,418
Ooh.
26
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,761
Eee.
27
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,219
Ooh.
28
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,676
I guess, when we were kids,
we thought we were whales.
29
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,348
Like, when things are bad,
30
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,771
we don't really got to say
anything to each other.
31
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,439
We just make these sounds.
It's like...
32
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,733
(BOTH GRUNTING)
33
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:42,561
So, I just graduated
from Harvard,
34
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,396
and I'm starting a new job
35
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,152
at a law firm
in Southern California,
36
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,199
so I'm really happy about that.
37
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:51,779
And I got a job at Hooters.
I'm happy, too.
38
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,614
(CHUCKLING) Hooters!
39
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,450
Being a twin is like
being a married couple,
40
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,534
and you can't divorce her.
41
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,792
Even, like! I mean, I love
her when we're together.
42
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,589
Well, actually, more so
when we're distant.
43
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,341
She loves nature, like me.
44
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:07,386
She loves donating her
time to charities.
45
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,013
And she loves eating healthy,
so that's awesome.
46
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,965
She's my best friend.
47
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,347
My best friend is my boyfriend.
48
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,596
(I GOT YOU, BABE PLAYING)
49
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:25,278
♪ They say we're young
and we don't know
50
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:30,076
♪ We won't find out
till we grow
51
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,989
♪ Well, I don't know
if all that's true
52
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:39,873
♪ 'Cause you got me
and, baby, I got you
53
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:44,298
♪ Babe (CRYING)
54
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,625
♪ I got you, babe
55
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,216
(FARTS)
56
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,509
♪ I got you, babe
57
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,132
(EXTENDED FART)
58
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,472
♪ I got you, babe
59
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,681
♪ And when I'm sad
60
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,309
♪ You're a clown
61
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,979
♪ And if I get scared
62
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:07,234
♪ You're always around
63
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,691
♪ So let them say
your hair's too long
64
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,401
♪ 'Cause I don't care
65
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:15,454
♪ With you I can't go wrong
66
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,582
♪ Babe
67
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,040
♪ I got you, babe
68
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,336
(BALL WHOOSHING)
69
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:27,633
♪ I got you, babe ♪
70
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,087
Pepto-Bismol, take 43.
71
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,796
And action!
72
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,054
Please, why do I have
to have such diarrhea?
73
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,558
You need to drink the pink.
74
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,977
Hold it. Cut! Cut! Jack!
What is he doing?
75
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,433
Jack, are you watching this'?
76
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,401
What do you mean, "Cut", man?
77
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,353
I... I got to be at
Sesame Street by 1:00.
78
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,572
Hey, hey, hey, Reeg, do
you really have diarrhea?
79
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,694
'Cause you lost weight
or something.
80
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,817
Why does the stomach
have all the good lines'?
81
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:54,901
Uh-huh.
82
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,328
"Drink the pink." That's funny.
83
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,450
I'm sorry, Jack.
84
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,406
The Dunkin' Donut people
want to talk to us.
85
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,741
Okay, well, I got to
86
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:01,950
Regis, it's going to be fine.
87
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,785
Yeah, and you'll take
care of that, and, uh...
88
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,746
Thank you very much.
I didn't need that, but cool.
89
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,331
I got some bad news.
90
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,132
We may lose Dunkin' Donuts.
91
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,552
What do you mean "lose"?
They didn't like our pitches?
92
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,007
They want Al Pacino.
93
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,264
Al Pacino to do a commercial?
Mmm-hmm.
94
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,640
The Godfather Al Pacino?
95
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:20,097
They got this new coffee
drink, the Dunkaccino.
96
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,269
Uh-huh.
97
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,346
Dunkaccino, Al Pacino,
they sound alike.
98
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,353
Yes. Well, they think
it'll be a home run.
99
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,649
Of course
it would be a home run
100
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,227
if he would ever do it,
which he won't.
101
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,482
Yeah, well, never say never.
102
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,858
Remember, you didn't think
we could get Brad Pitt
103
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,359
to do that Radio Shack
commercial.
104
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,781
I was right.
105
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,658
Well, you can't be
right all the time.
106
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,452
Uh-huh. Look, bottom line,
107
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,201
they're going to give us one month to
make this whole Pacino thing happen,
108
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,327
or they're going
to go elsewhere.
109
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,787
We can't lose Dunkin' Donuts.
110
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,163
They're our biggest client.
111
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,664
(SIGHS) Damn it.
112
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,166
We're going to go
bankrupt, buddy.
113
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,373
And we have 200 employees
relying on us.
114
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,709
(GRUNTING)
115
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,593
Try to have a good
Thanksgiving, okay?
116
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,053
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
117
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,550
What do you think?
Would Al Pacino
118
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,303
ever do a Dunkin' Donuts
commercial?
119
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,430
(LAUGHING) What?
120
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,718
Yeah.
121
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,474
Shut up.
122
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,930
Did my wife call? Uh, yeah.
123
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:05,980
You're all set for the cruise.
124
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,353
You guys leave a week
after Hanukkah.
125
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,150
Okay, all right.
There's some good news.
126
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,694
Yeah. She converted, right'?
That's so cool.
127
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,316
She doesn't look Jewish at all.
128
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,324
Wow. That was anti-Semitic.
129
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:16,900
What? No, I just...
130
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,155
See, I can say that, you can't.
131
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,282
You're not Jewish.
132
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,863
No, but I'm close.
133
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,197
What... What does that mean?
134
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,497
I'm an atheist.
135
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,205
You're two for two right there.
What? No...
136
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,002
Anyways, did my sister say
137
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,421
what time she's
flying in tomorrow?
138
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:30,830
Yeah, I was supposed
to pick her up at noon,
139
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,086
but she switched
the flight to earlier,
140
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,337
so now she gets in
at 4:00 in the morning.
141
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,459
Why?
142
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,756
Something about jet lag
143
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,801
She never listens.
She gains three hours.
144
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,099
Every year, she acts like
she's flying to New Zealand.
145
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,342
She's a freak, man.
146
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,427
Yeah, again,
you can't say that.
147
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,763
No, I...
148
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,106
(ALARM BEEPING)
149
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,604
(GRUNTS)
150
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,362
Honey... Yeah?
151
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,655
Try complimenting her.
152
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,283
Huh? Yeah. What?
153
00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,822
To avoid fighting.
154
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,198
Just focus
on something positive.
155
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,703
Tell Jill that
she has nice shoes.
156
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,825
Nice shoes. That's good.
157
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,000
That'll work.
158
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,328
I love you, honey.
I love you, too.
159
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,837
And I love my sister.
160
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,290
And I can keep my cool.
161
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,625
It's only four days.
162
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,544
JACK: I love my sister.
163
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:17,843
I love her shoes.
164
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,967
I love my sister.
I love her shoes.
165
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:28,896
JILL: Well, I just...
166
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,066
I can't find him anywhere.
167
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,360
Does he know
what terminal it is'?
168
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,652
I...
169
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,071
Okay, okay, I see him.
170
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,364
All right, I'm hanging up.
171
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,483
How are we doing?
172
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,361
Where were you?
173
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,242
I've been waiting
forever for you.
174
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,868
This place is creeping me out.
175
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,999
Why so many bags?
Are the Knicks traveling with you'?
176
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,371
What is with this?
Mom always said,
177
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,953
"it's better to have it
and not need it"
178
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,458
"than to need it
and not have it."
179
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,671
Oh, yeah, she did say that.
180
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,794
I remember that. That was cool.
181
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,382
Are you going bald?
182
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,584
Huh? No, no, no, no.
183
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,590
You're getting fatter, and
your hair doesn't realize
184
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,044
that it needs
to cover more face.
185
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,343
Okay. Where'd you put the car?
186
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,099
JACK: You really had
to bring your bird?
187
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,301
JILL: Yeah,
she's my best friend.
188
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,385
(SQUAWKS)
189
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,478
Anyways, Jill, I was thinking...
Yeah?
190
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,101
The house is going
to be very crowded
191
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,183
'cause we got the kids,
and all the guests
192
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,939
are coming by,
and blah, blah, blah.
193
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,736
So, there's this new hotel,
194
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:17,778
a Hilton that they
just built down...
195
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,277
But I want to spend time
with Sofie and Gary.
196
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,359
Why, do you not want me
to stay with you?
197
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,410
No, no, no, no. Of course
I want you to stay with us.
198
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,658
I was just...
I was just saying.
199
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,580
Okay, I'll stay with you, then.
200
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,538
It's too bad, 'cause the hotel
was starting to sound fun.
201
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,452
(SIGHS) Why are you doing that?
202
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,082
Why do you sigh so loud?
203
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:37,040
I just really, really
love your shoes.
204
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,632
You are so weird.
205
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,301
Isn't he weird, Poopsie?
206
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,295
POOPSIE: Where were you?
(LAUGHS)
207
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,264
Poopsie gets it.
208
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,261
Yeah. Poopsie really gets it.
209
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,306
(STRAINED SQUAWKING)
She always did get it.
210
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,386
I... It's just...
211
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,346
She always loved getting it.
212
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,315
And then your dad and I
went to the soup kitchen,
213
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,859
and they gave us Otto
214
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,028
to bring to Thanksgiving
dinner this year.
215
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,068
Thanks again for having me.
It's very nice.
216
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,070
Are you going to eat
dinner with us tonight'?
217
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,484
Yes, he is, honey.
218
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:05,906
And what about tomorrow night'?
219
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,989
Tomorrow, Otto's going
to go back home...
220
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:10,073
Less.
221
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,079
Sorry.
222
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:16,539
Uh, Sofia, show Otto
your karate moves.
223
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,878
(EXHALES)
224
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,334
You know, why don't...
Why don't you go wake up Jill?
225
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:22,920
What? It's 5:30.
226
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,092
She's here. That's
the important thing.
227
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,297
It counts as a day.
228
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,265
So what? She's sleeping. Jack...
229
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,932
All right, I'll go check on Jill.
Thank you.
230
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,888
(FIERCE GRUNTING)
231
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:34,974
(SCREAMING)
232
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,024
It's okay, Otto.
It's just her...
233
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,116
(WHISPERING) Jill.
234
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,903
Wake up.
235
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,493
Okay, stay sleeping
236
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,745
Jet lag.
237
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,701
I have a gun! Oh, my God!
238
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,328
(SQUAWKING) (JILL WHIMPERS)
239
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,212
You see, I live alone.
240
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,383
Poopsie's trained
to watch out for me.
241
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,506
Don't sneak up
like that, all right'?
242
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,004
Where were you?
243
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,638
(CHUCKLING) I don't...
244
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,223
Come downstairs.
Uh, the food's ready.
245
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,593
Can you just lay down
with me for five minutes?
246
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,595
I'm not laying down
with you. No.
247
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,101
Come on. I just want
some twin time.
248
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,525
I'm a grown man.
I'm not laying next to you.
249
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,898
Just have Poopsie lay with you.
I... I don't know.
250
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,771
Aw. All right.
251
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,575
I'll take a bath, and I'll meet
you downstairs in an hour.
252
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,402
(GRUNTS)
253
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,321
Good looking out, Poopsie.
254
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,332
Don't forget your sweat shadow.
255
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,833
What?
256
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,711
All right, just take your
bath and all that stuff,
257
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,835
and then burn those sheets.
258
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,341
(ALL LAUGHING)
259
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,834
Hey, GUYS
260
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,924
Jill! You look amazing.
261
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,597
Aw. Macy's, Marshalls.
262
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,593
Hey, where am I sitting?
263
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:53,718
What do you mean?
264
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,930
'Cause, usually,
I sit next to you.
265
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,764
So all of a sudden, I'm...
I'm not going to sit here?
266
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,104
Oh, uh, would you...
267
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,435
I thought you could
sit down here.
268
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,610
I always sit next to Jack.
269
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,154
(STUTTERING) ls there a
reason I'm moving? No.
270
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,278
Jill, if you'd like, you could sit here.
I'd be happy to move.
271
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,701
Oh, that's okay. You're fine.
272
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,870
If you want to... If you...
Do you want to sit here?
273
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,072
I don't know.
274
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,118
Okay, you just sit in my chair.
How's that?
275
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,247
There you go.
All right, thank you.
276
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,294
Gary, is that you?
277
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,411
Yes, it is.
278
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,506
Look how handsome you are.
Thank you.
279
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,798
It's so nice to see you.
280
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,751
Look at this leaf.
Look at this.
281
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,178
You have it taped on you?
282
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,379
That's so cute. Yes.
283
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,509
Why did he do that?
284
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,840
He likes tape.
285
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,301
Hey. Sofie, is that you,
or is that you?
286
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,803
(JILL LAUGHING)
287
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,558
Good to see you, Erin.
288
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,184
Good to see you, Jill.
How was your flight?
289
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:40,641
Oh, the house looks amazing.
290
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,270
You got a new chandelier?
291
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,768
Yeah, yeah.
292
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,566
I loved the old one.
293
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,735
Oh. JILL: SO,
294
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,987
how's every body’s
Gobble-Gobble Day'?
295
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,818
Great. Excellent.
296
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,738
By the way, Jill,
this is Otto. Otto.
297
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,118
Nice to meet you.
298
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,791
(LOUDLY) Nice to meet you.
299
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,420
JILL: (WHISPERING)
He's homeless, right?
300
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,873
He seems clean,
but you should put
301
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:07,334
one of those toilet seat
protectors underneath him
302
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,091
to make sure he doesn't
ruin the chair.
303
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,264
Are you whispering with
a bullhorn or something'?
304
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,761
Everybody hears you.
305
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:18,015
No, they can't,
Mr. Hearing Expert.
306
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,307
JILL: So...
Pass that down, Daddy.
307
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,858
I'm allowed out here
once a year,
308
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:24,934
so I tend to miss things.
309
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,520
What's going on? Anything new'?
310
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,449
Well, Sofie just got her
green belt in karate.
311
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,702
How come I didn't
know about this?
312
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,620
I didn't even know she did karate.
What... I mean,
313
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,995
I feel like I'm in the
Twilight Zone right now.
314
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,873
I'm like Jimmy Stewart
at the end of that movie,
315
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,545
the one where... They...
They're in Pottersville.
316
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,589
What... What is that...
That movie called?
317
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,132
It's a Wonderful Life?
318
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,676
No, no, with Jimmy Stewart.
319
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:52,470
The... The one where he meets
the angel and he's mad.
320
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,593
It's a Wonderful Life.
321
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,094
Why do you keep saying that?
322
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:58,393
No, the one where
he falls in the pool
323
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,221
and he sings Buffalo Gals.
324
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,897
He gets all the money
at the end,
325
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,942
and he finds out that his
life really is wonderful.
326
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,020
Star Wars.
327
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,529
They play it every Christmas.
328
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,154
You must have saw it before
Jack made you convert.
329
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,617
What? What are you
doing right now?
330
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,162
Your brother didn't
make me do anything, Jill.
331
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,414
Everyone has to be
like Jack over here.
332
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,911
Even poor Gary.
333
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,084
JAC K: What?
What does that mean?
334
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,287
You made him switch
from being Indian.
335
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,712
What is wrong with you?
336
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,540
We adopted him when
he was 10 days old.
337
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,000
This is all he knows.
338
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,424
Did you ever think maybe
he tapes things to himself
339
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,756
'cause he doesn't
feel connected?
340
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,806
You know, to his real parents'?
341
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,010
That was very smart.
I just thought of that.
342
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,595
Isn't it? That was interesting.
343
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,563
Aunt Jill? Yes, sweetheart.
344
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,639
Yes, Sofie.
345
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,979
Do you and Daddy
have twin powers?
346
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,603
(STUTTERING) What's this?
What is twin powers?
347
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,279
It's this thing we saw
on 60 Minutes.
348
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,903
Some twins have strange powers,
349
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,450
and they can feel
when the other one's hurt.
350
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,405
Oh, Jack and I can do that.
351
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,955
What? Why are you
making a face?
352
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,034
When we were kids, you felt
it when I broke my ankle.
353
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,373
I felt it 'cause
you fell on my head.
354
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,499
(LAUGHS)
355
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:08,921
You like that one? Yeah.
356
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,874
All right, good, good.
Oh, please!
357
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,800
Tell me you don't feel this.
358
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,382
I didn't feel it.
Maybe if you did it harder.
359
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,430
Little harder.
360
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,100
No, Jill. Stop it.
361
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,052
He's kidding. What?
362
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,846
(GROANING)
363
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:26,894
Donkey fight!
364
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,896
Jill, are you okay?
Yeah, no, I'm fine.
365
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,898
Gary, that was...
He didn't 100% connect.
366
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,319
Feel that, Daddy?
367
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,648
I... I actually did
feel something there.
368
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:35,857
Pride in my son.
369
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,613
Oh, will you stop it already?
370
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,195
These sweet potatoes need salt.
371
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,576
I'm so sick of that.
372
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,000
Why are you so afraid to
admit that we are connected?
373
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,167
Face it.
374
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,211
We shared Mom's womb.
375
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,755
We were womb-mates.
376
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,086
Oh, that is just disgusting.
377
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,258
ERIN: I have an idea.
378
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,460
On the show,
there were these twins,
379
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,920
and they finished
each other's sentences.
380
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,346
Jack, maybe you could
start a sentence,
381
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,423
and Jill, you could finish it.
No. No.
382
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,133
Come on, Daddy, please!
Please, Daddy, please!
383
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:03,217
KIDS: Please. Oh, my God.
384
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,520
Ready to receive mental images.
385
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,347
Beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep...
386
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,273
All right, will you stop?
You're scaring him.
387
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,147
That's just noises
she's making.
388
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,061
JACK: Okay, ready? Yes.
389
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:18,776
I'm very tired, so I'm going to
390
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,860
Go to the supermarket.
391
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,329
No, I'm going to sleep.
392
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,827
What is... Why would I go to
a supermarket if I was tired'?
393
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,121
That's what I would do.
394
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,543
The cold air
always wakes you up.
395
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:29,710
Isn't it nice when it's...
396
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,379
You go over there in
the frozen food section?
397
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,797
(SNEEZES) God bless...
398
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,673
You! God bless you!
399
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,885
I finished your sentence.
Got you, Pagogo.
400
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,379
What's Pagogo?
401
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,509
Oh, it's... It's a name
402
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,807
that Aunt Jill used to call your
dad when they were growing up.
403
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:46,227
I was Pokee, and your
father was Pagogo.
404
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,304
We had our own secret language.
405
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,395
Ook maga do do, Pagogo.
406
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,064
I have no idea
what those words mean,
407
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,487
nor have I ever known
what those words meant.
408
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,698
You do know what they mean,
and you're lying right now.
409
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,775
"Ook maga do do"
means "I love you."
410
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,652
"Bongi" means "thank you."
411
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,861
"Klapa" means "left."
412
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,448
Hey, do you remember what
"Locky mocky koko" means'?
413
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,621
Mmm. What does it mean again?
414
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:09,872
Jack, don't.
415
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:14,005
It means, "I can't
stand you being here!"
416
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,418
This is really awkward.
I'm going to go.
417
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,629
(WHIMPERS) Dessert is coming.
418
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:21,754
I'm full.
419
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:23,931
Okay...
420
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,350
I love how nice we are
to this homeless man,
421
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,678
a person we don't even know,
422
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,762
who probably is pretending
to be homeless!
423
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:30,938
You don't look homeless to me!
424
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,890
You're fat! You're al-Qaeda!
425
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,517
(DOOR CLOSES)
426
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,523
Sofia, why don't you
go upstairs?
427
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,196
No, Mom, this is my favorite
part of Thanksgiving.
428
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,941
You know what? I'm leaving.
429
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,991
I'm leaving. That's it.
That's it. I'm going.
430
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,865
I am going!
I hope you're happy!
431
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,780
I'm sleeping out here
in the woods!
432
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,832
At least the animals
will be nice.
433
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,204
(YELLS) (POOPSIE SQUAWKING)
434
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,163
Jill! He's even turning
the kids against me!
435
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,755
Are you okay?
Jill, are you all right?
436
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,798
No. See, the kids love you.
437
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,876
And I love them.
And that's the only reason
438
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,303
that I come
back here every year.
439
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,214
Jack, apologize.
440
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:08,389
I'm sorry that you make everybody
uncomfortable. I really am.
441
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,643
Jack.
442
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,142
All right. I'm sorry about
what I said back there.
443
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,939
I didn't mean it.
I... I love you.
444
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,440
I just feel abandoned.
445
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,859
I'm all alone in the Bronx.
446
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,982
I don't have any family
with me any more.
447
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,187
We didn't abandon you.
448
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,649
I told you, you can Skype
us any time you want.
449
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:23,984
I don't even know
what that means.
450
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,569
What is Skype?
It sounds anti-Semitic.
451
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,653
What is it?
452
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:28,738
It's just this Internet thing.
453
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,494
I don't get that!
454
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,122
You know I don't
have a calculator.
455
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,710
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
ERIN: Do you know what?
456
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,416
Our home is your home.
457
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,923
So let's go back.
I have some ice cream.
458
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,883
I don't know, Erin.
I'm too upset.
459
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,210
I can't eat right now.
460
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,170
What flavor? Chocolate.
461
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,847
No. You have maple walnut?
I don't like chocolate.
462
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,550
ERIN: I... I didn't know
you liked maple walnut
463
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,597
Hang in there, brother.
(STARTLED GRUNT)
464
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,770
She's only here till Sunday.
465
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,692
AL: What is done
cannot now be amended!
466
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,145
Yeah, Ted, I'm looking
at it right now.
467
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,946
So, this was two nights ago?
468
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,402
(CELL PHONE RINGING) If I
did take the kingdom
469
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:07,827
from your sons, to make amends,
470
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,748
I give it to your daughter.
471
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,792
(RINGING CONTINUES)
472
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,669
(ANGRILY) Will you get that?
473
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,037
Whoa.
474
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,373
You have a phone in your hand!
475
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:25,838
You are told before the play
starts not to have it ring!
476
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,055
Shut all cell phones off!
477
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,677
This is what the man said!
478
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,885
Yeah, this guy's going to do
a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.
479
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:34,766
This has got to stop.
480
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,309
I'm losing my mind.
481
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,141
Help me.
482
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,313
Where am I?
483
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,023
Thank you.
Thank you all for coming.
484
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,570
Yeah.
485
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,569
How do you know Pacino's
going to a Laker game'?
486
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:47,654
Well, yeah, get the tickets,
487
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,201
but how am I even going
to get near the guy'?
488
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,154
He's going to have
security or something.
489
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,114
I'm not telling my wife
to wear something trashy
490
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,369
just 'cause it would
save our company.
491
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,916
Unless she wants to.
I mean, that's her thing
492
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:57,956
No...
493
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,833
I'm hanging up the phone.
Goodbye.
494
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,590
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
495
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,759
Excuse me, Mrs. Erin,
the magnolia branch
496
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,677
in the backyard
could fall off any time.
497
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,504
I mean, I don't want
anyone to get hurt.
498
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,635
Should I take it down now'?
499
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:10,886
Oh, oh, yeah, sure, sure.
500
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,182
Whatever...
Whatever you think, Felipe.
501
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,259
Okay...
502
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,719
Oh, did you have
a nice Thanksgiving?
503
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,937
Yeah, I had the whole
family come over.
504
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,565
Even my Aunt Rosa snuck
across the border.
505
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,818
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
506
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,029
Who are you?
Are you a gardener or something?
507
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,532
No, I... I don't
just do gardening.
508
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,734
I do impressions, too.
509
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:33,701
When Immigration shows up, I do
a great impression of a tree.
510
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,330
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
(ALL LAUGHING)
511
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,662
Oh, strong. All right.
512
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:41,917
Jay Leno better watch his back.
513
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,380
You know it. (CHUCKLING)
514
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,041
Nice to meet you, señorita.
515
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,501
Okay, nice to meet you.
516
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,466
JILL: What is he doing?
517
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,547
(CHUCKLES) What is his problem?
518
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,141
Oh, oh! Jack, Jack, Jack!
519
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,388
I put a little list together
520
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,096
of things I want to
do before I leave, so...
521
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,981
Oh, my God.
I got to touch that?
522
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,229
Yeah.
523
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,227
"Studio tour, beach,"
524
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,691
"horseback riding,
get on a game show."
525
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,614
You can't get through
all this stuff.
526
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:09,906
You're leaving Sunday.
527
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:11,905
I don't know.
528
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,032
What do you mean, you don't know?
You know.
529
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,618
I just wanted to
have fun out here,
530
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,540
and, you know,
we fought last night.
531
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,369
I just... I feel really
weird leaving like that.
532
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:22,999
What do you mean?
It was a great night.
533
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,923
We... We ate food, we ran in the woods.
It was fun.
534
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,218
I just... Maybe I should
stay out through Hanukkah.
535
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,129
Mom's gone now,
536
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,135
so there's really nothing
for me to go back to.
537
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,215
Stay, then! Stay!
538
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,843
She can't stay.
Because of your airline ticket.
539
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,018
It's, like,
the busiest time of year.
540
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,471
We'll never get you
a return flight.
541
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,557
That's why I used my twin hunch
542
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,142
in knowing that we would fight,
543
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,852
and I have
an open-ended ticket.
544
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,061
(LAUGHS)
545
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,897
KIDS: (CHANTING) Hanukkah!
Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah!
546
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,118
(BOTH TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
547
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,661
He's going to be mad.
548
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,158
I don't know where
we parked the car.
549
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,161
(BOTH LAUGHING) I don't know.
550
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,208
JILL: I just want to go on with
them because they look scared.
551
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,035
I know if I was riding
with them, they would...
552
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,621
I know you say
I weigh too much,
553
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:05,876
but I don't think I do.
554
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:09,334
(NEIGHING) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
555
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,715
Okay, I'm ready! Let's go!
556
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,341
Oh, my God!
557
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:16,015
Oh, God! Look, I'm so sorry.
558
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,387
I weigh too much.
559
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,638
You were right!
560
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,098
(IMITATING SIREN WAILING)
561
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,012
(CHITTERING)
562
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:23,348
Gary...
563
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,566
At least put a helmet
on that thing.
564
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,186
♪ With your fancy friends
565
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,897
♪ I'm telling you
it's got to be the end
566
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,699
♪ Don't bring me down
567
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:37,028
♪ No, no, no, no, no
568
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:39,910
♪ Ooh-ooh, hoo... ♪
569
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,033
What are you doing?
570
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,207
Why can't I just lay with you?
571
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,412
(soss)
572
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,042
You're a weirdo!
573
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,382
All right, welcome back
to The Price Is Right.
574
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,675
Let's find out who's next.
575
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,088
Jill Sadelstein, come on down!
576
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:59,259
You're the next contestant
on The Price is Right.
577
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,968
All right, Jill, go ahead and spin
the wheel, whenever you're ready.
578
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,223
You are the best, Drew.
579
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,021
This is awesome, guys!
580
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,097
Go ahead and...
581
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,398
Are you married or not?
582
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:07,726
(CHUCKLES) Uh, no.
Go ahead and...
583
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:08,900
Whoo-whoo! (CROWD CHEERING)
584
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,273
(APPLAUSE)
585
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,729
Jill, go ahead
and spin the wheel.
586
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,234
No, because I know
once I spin it,
587
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:14,907
I don't get to be
near you any more.
588
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:16,609
On. (LAUGHS)
589
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:17,784
All right. All right.
590
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:18,952
Hey, Gary, Sofie.
591
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,746
Come on, guys, one dollar!
592
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,410
One dollar. Good luck to you.
One dollar's the winner!
593
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,616
Whoo! (LOUD THUD)
594
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:24,996
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
595
00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,579
I never saw that before.
596
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,584
Uh, hey, just give her
a bunch of prizes.
597
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,506
We'll be right back right
after this. Don't go away.
598
00:21:31,582 --> 00:21:32,629
Call an ambulance.
599
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,709
(THE PRICE IS RIGHT
THEME PLAYING)
600
00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:34,923
(KIDS LAUGHING)
601
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,629
JILL: It banged me good.
602
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,966
Then, when I hit the floor,
that's when I really went out.
603
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:41,972
But when I came to,
it was good.
604
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,473
They had prizes for me.
605
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,975
Say hello to my little friend!
606
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,438
Do you want
to play rough? Okay.
607
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:52,316
(KIDS CHEERING OUTSIDE)
608
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,611
(JILL SHOUTING)
609
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,109
What is she doing now?
610
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,941
(ENGINE REVVING)
611
00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,947
(KIDS CHEERING)
612
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,152
I don't know...
613
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,284
Whoa! It's hard to hold on.
614
00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,240
Please don't destroy my pool.
615
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:06,083
I've got it now. I...
616
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,624
(SCREAMS)
617
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,125
(KIDS CHEERING)
618
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:13,295
(JILL LAUGHING)
619
00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:14,591
JILL: Ow, my head!
620
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:17,754
(LIGHT ORCHESTRA MUSIC
PLAYING ON SCREEN)
621
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,141
MAN ON SCREEN:
But it's such a waste.
622
00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:28,643
A full moon, an empty yacht.
623
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:29,974
MAN 2: I'll throw up.
624
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:31,183
I'll be.
625
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:34,271
(JACK AND JILL CHOKING)
626
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:35,980
MAN 1: About the roadhouse...
627
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,279
They have a Cuban band
that's the berries.
628
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:41,653
Let's go there,
blindfold the orchestra,
629
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,328
and tango till dawn.
630
00:22:43,529 --> 00:22:44,781
MAN 2: Do you know
something, Mr. Fielding?
631
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:45,865
MAN 1 : What?
632
00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:46,949
MAN 2: You're dynamite.
633
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,158
(WHISPERS) Daddy.
634
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:51,541
You and Jill are so alike.
635
00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:54,215
We are nothing alike,
I promise you.
636
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,969
(JACK AND JILL LAUGHING)
637
00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:07,261
WOMAN ON SCREEN: Well?
638
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:11,057
MAN ON SCREEN:
I'm not quite sure.
639
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:12,733
Would you try it again?
640
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,025
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
641
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:15,523
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
642
00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:18,607
(LAUGHING FORCEFULLY)
643
00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:23,365
(WHISPERS)
Just watch the movie.
644
00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:27,699
MAN: I got a funny
sensation in my toes.
645
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,785
Like someone was barbecuing
them over a slow flame.
646
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:37,590
I think you're on
the right track.
647
00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,384
(JACK AND JILL FART)
648
00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:41,554
WOMAN ON SCREEN I must be.
649
00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:43,631
Your glasses are
beginning to steam up.
650
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:49,887
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
651
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,147
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
652
00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:56,067
Hello?
653
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,736
Shh! (LOUDLY) Mrs. Applebaum.
654
00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:59,609
Hi. Yeah, no...
655
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,689
(WHISPERING)
What are you doing?
656
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:01,945
It wasn't an emergency.
657
00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:03,571
I just wanted to see
how my plants were doing.
658
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:05,244
Please stop talking!
659
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:07,113
Okay, and you turned the heat off?
Turn off the phone.
660
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,994
All the way off, though?
661
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:10,199
Jill, Jill!
662
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,284
Yeah, I can't hear her.
I'm trying to...
663
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,620
I'm on the phone.
664
00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:15,500
Well, get off the phone,
you psycho!
665
00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:19,424
No, don't cry.
666
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:20,626
You know what?
667
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:21,801
Don't run away. You just...
668
00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:22,924
Don't go in the woods. Jill!
669
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:23,970
I can't believe it.
670
00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:26,094
Hey!
671
00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:28,141
It's the last night
of Hanukkah!
672
00:24:28,217 --> 00:24:29,434
Come on, already!
673
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:30,477
It's happy time!
674
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:32,020
Dude, way to yell at a chick.
675
00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:33,097
That's awesome.
676
00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,306
That was a chick?
677
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:36,859
JACK: Yeah, that was a chick.
Really.
678
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:39,316
(MOTOR REVVING OUTSIDE)
679
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:41,068
JILL: Hey! The brake.
680
00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:42,607
FELIPE: Hey, hey, I can do it!
681
00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:43,942
It's all right! I got it!
I can do it!
682
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,025
It's all right!
683
00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:46,156
FELIPE: Hey, I can do it.
684
00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:47,452
JILL: It's okay.
685
00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,121
It goes fast.
686
00:24:49,196 --> 00:24:50,448
I'm getting it on him.
687
00:24:50,739 --> 00:24:52,286
She's crazy.
688
00:24:52,366 --> 00:24:53,993
She's crazy.
She's never leaving.
689
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:56,795
Well, she was going to leave
until you called her "psycho."
690
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:59,339
She's forwarding
her mail to us now!
691
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:01,463
Highlights magazine.
692
00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:03,840
Birdy magazine
addressed to Poopsie!
693
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,341
Okay, okay.
694
00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:07,344
Did you ever think
that maybe she's lonely
695
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:10,017
and she needs someone to
get her through the holidays'?
696
00:25:10,092 --> 00:25:12,015
She needs a guy.
697
00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:14,188
She needs a guy!
No, no, no, no.
698
00:25:14,263 --> 00:25:15,480
If we don't get her a guy
by New Year's,
699
00:25:15,556 --> 00:25:17,103
she's gonna come
on the cruise ship with us.
700
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:19,810
We'll be locked on a boat for
seven days! I'll kill myself!
701
00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:21,486
Do not get involved
in her love life.
702
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:24,648
Aunt Jill, why don't
you have any kids'?
703
00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:26,700
Gary, did you make
your bed this morning?
704
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:28,527
It's okay, Erin.
You don't have to...
705
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:29,657
I can tell him.
706
00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:31,660
Gary, I have all the equipment
707
00:25:31,739 --> 00:25:34,208
and it seems to be
functioning well.
708
00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:36,581
I get a little reminder
every 30 days or so.
709
00:25:37,411 --> 00:25:40,460
But the point is, Gary,
I was never married.
710
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:42,382
Why?
711
00:25:42,458 --> 00:25:45,007
Well, everyone
loved your father.
712
00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:46,553
He was more of a gadfly.
713
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:48,221
Me, I kept to myself,
714
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:50,516
made sure Grandma
and Grandpa were okay.
715
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,685
But everybody loves Aunt Jill
just as much as Daddy.
716
00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:54,728
Or more.
717
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,521
Don't say that.
718
00:25:56,597 --> 00:25:59,851
Your father, he might act
tough, but he has thin skin.
719
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:01,185
You'd hurt his feelings.
720
00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:03,362
Aunt Jill, did you date boys'?
721
00:26:03,437 --> 00:26:05,030
I liked boys.
722
00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,733
They just, they...
They never liked me back.
723
00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:11,070
My friend Mimi's mom dates boys
she meets on the computer.
724
00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,497
Oh, I've heard of this.
Yeah, I would do that.
725
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:17,042
It's just, I don't know how
to use a computer or a radar.
726
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:18,369
Or a robot or whatever.
727
00:26:18,452 --> 00:26:19,624
Well, let's show her!
728
00:26:19,703 --> 00:26:21,376
Jack. No, no, no.
729
00:26:21,455 --> 00:26:22,877
Uh, Sofie's the one
who brought it up.
730
00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:24,208
It's her. She did it.
731
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:26,089
I would do it.
I mean, what the heck'?
732
00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:27,545
It's no biggie.
Let's go for it.
733
00:26:27,628 --> 00:26:29,926
I need a man.
734
00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:31,723
JILL: So many to choose from.
735
00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:32,925
Match.com.
736
00:26:33,008 --> 00:26:34,225
That's a good one.
737
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:35,598
Uh, eHarmony, I've heard of.
738
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,099
They have commercials.
739
00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:38,931
MySoul-Mate.net.
740
00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:41,563
I like that because
I got a little soul.
741
00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:42,814
(LAUGHS)
742
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:46,405
Okay, so it says to
press here to register
743
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,528
for your perfect soul mate.
744
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:51,906
SOFIA: No't like that.
745
00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:53,407
No. Like this.
746
00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:55,948
(GASPS) What are you,
a computer whiz?
747
00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:58,659
You would think he'd be the
genius, being from India.
748
00:26:59,243 --> 00:27:00,916
Now, India's, uh,
749
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,246
really amazing lately.
750
00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:03,797
They're just leading the pack.
751
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:05,124
I read in Time magazine,
they're number one.
752
00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:06,707
China's number two
753
00:27:06,708 --> 00:27:08,301
The Jews, we're back
to number three. Okay.
754
00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:09,378
Four is Germany,
755
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:10,587
so let's watch out, everyone.
756
00:27:10,671 --> 00:27:11,763
All right, all right, listen,
757
00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:12,840
you got to pick
a username, Jill,
758
00:27:12,923 --> 00:27:13,924
so just do that.
759
00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:15,475
A username?
760
00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:17,098
Uh, how about Manilow?
761
00:27:17,177 --> 00:27:18,975
'Cause he can use me
anytime he wants to.
762
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:20,647
(LAUGHS)
763
00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:22,599
Just kidding. I hope
you didn't understand that.
764
00:27:22,683 --> 00:27:24,606
It's a little risqué
for your age.
765
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:25,902
Okay, now you load
your profile picture
766
00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,446
that Sofie took of you.
767
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:29,114
Mmm-hmm, can't wait to see this
768
00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:30,862
My picture is embarrassing.
769
00:27:30,941 --> 00:27:31,942
Put it up.
770
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:37,698
Is it too va-va-voomish?
771
00:27:38,699 --> 00:27:39,825
No, it's very natural.
772
00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:41,455
Ah, maybe I should
have gone with
773
00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:42,661
peanut butter and jelly.
774
00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:44,291
This... I like it, I like it.
775
00:27:44,371 --> 00:27:46,044
Forget it. I'm committing
to it. So, what?
776
00:27:46,373 --> 00:27:47,340
If somebody likes me,
777
00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:49,009
the little envelope thing
will be blinking?
778
00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:51,337
I just, I love this so much.
779
00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:54,299
I crave this, family time.
780
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:57,760
It's why you have a family.
781
00:28:00,721 --> 00:28:02,974
A ham this good only comes
once a generation.
782
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:04,649
Like me.
783
00:28:04,725 --> 00:28:07,478
I give this ham four rings.
784
00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:09,359
That's a hell of
a good ham right there.
785
00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:11,736
Whose idea was the wig?
786
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:14,701
Oh, that was his choice.
787
00:28:14,776 --> 00:28:16,995
I think it's great that Shaq
doesn't look like Shaq at all,
788
00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:19,823
that he looks like
Al Sharpton on HGH.
789
00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:21,454
♪ Ham-a-lam-a-ding-dong,
ham-a-lam-a-ding-dong... ♪
790
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:22,876
Turn the TV off.
791
00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:24,870
So, how long does it take
792
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:27,001
to get a response on one of
those computer dating things'?
793
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,172
I'm, uh, I'm new to this.
794
00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:29,545
I mean, it can take,
795
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,218
it can take a day,
it can take a week.
796
00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:33,136
You know what I mean?
For someone like her...
797
00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,013
What was that? What was...
798
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,385
Why'd you say, "like her"?
799
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:37,717
Someone like her.
800
00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:40,222
Like, uh, in her 40s,
still single.
801
00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:42,270
You know what I mean?
Incredibly homely.
802
00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:44,732
Wow, you hate your job,
don't you?
803
00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:46,854
No. I only said that 'cause
you said that one time.
804
00:28:46,934 --> 00:28:48,402
I can say that
'cause I'm her twin.
805
00:28:48,602 --> 00:28:50,195
Hey, Jack,
Laker game tomorrow night.
806
00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,068
We got to make
that Pacino thing happen.
807
00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:53,740
Every body’s really nervous
around here.
808
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:55,237
Yeah, I know, I know.
809
00:28:55,317 --> 00:28:56,739
What's this about a twin?
810
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:58,240
Oh, Jack. He has a twin sister.
811
00:28:58,445 --> 00:28:59,617
Are you kidding me?
812
00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:01,539
You never told me
you had a twin sister
813
00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:03,037
No, no, I mean, she's...
814
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:04,538
Identical or fraternal?
815
00:29:04,618 --> 00:29:06,416
Nocturnal, like a bat.
816
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:08,042
(LAUGHS)
817
00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:09,543
Really?
818
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,671
I'll pack my stuff up, man.
819
00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:20,926
How we doing in here?
820
00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:29,400
Hey, what happened?
821
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:32,104
Aunt Jill checked to see
if any boys liked her.
822
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:34,440
The blinking thing
never blinked.
823
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:36,446
Oh, that's awful.
824
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:38,531
If people could only see
825
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:40,578
how good she can
open a pickle jar...
826
00:29:40,654 --> 00:29:41,746
Yeah, I know.
827
00:29:41,822 --> 00:29:43,244
You're right.
828
00:29:43,323 --> 00:29:45,166
Okay, see you guys.
829
00:29:52,332 --> 00:29:55,085
Okay, where do I find
desperate guys'?
830
00:29:55,168 --> 00:29:57,796
Twitter, Maxim,
831
00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,677
Craigs list.
832
00:30:01,550 --> 00:30:02,767
Oh, yeah.
833
00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:04,937
Casual Encounters.
834
00:30:05,012 --> 00:30:07,106
All right, savages, get ready.
835
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:10,229
Anyone wanting
to meet a nice...
836
00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:11,936
No, I need someone immediately.
837
00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:13,771
Not "nice."
838
00:30:13,854 --> 00:30:17,108
Um... Anyone wanting to meet
839
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:21,991
a sexy gymnast model...
840
00:30:22,070 --> 00:30:25,074
No, I can't lie so much.
841
00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:26,409
Uh...
842
00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:28,960
A hot...
843
00:30:30,037 --> 00:30:32,085
Hi, Poopsie.
844
00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:35,338
Yeah, "hot" works.
845
00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:36,714
Crazy...
846
00:30:40,422 --> 00:30:41,639
Hey!
847
00:30:42,758 --> 00:30:44,431
Personal masseuse...
848
00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:46,478
Oh. I pull really hard.
849
00:30:46,553 --> 00:30:47,645
Watch your mother.
850
00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,018
She's going to have relief.
851
00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,144
Mmm-hmm. What happened?
852
00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:51,475
Is she sleeping or something?
853
00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:53,481
Knockout
854
00:30:53,727 --> 00:30:55,695
One dollar. Good luck to you.
One dollar's the winner!
855
00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:57,023
Whoo! (LOUD THUD)
856
00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:58,277
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
857
00:30:59,358 --> 00:31:02,658
For the night of your life,
858
00:31:02,736 --> 00:31:05,034
go to Manilow
859
00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:08,993
at mySoul-Mate.net.
860
00:31:10,744 --> 00:31:13,418
Oh, man, I'm really
throwing her to the wolves.
861
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,041
But it has to be done.
862
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,671
(MOUSE CLICKS)
863
00:31:17,751 --> 00:31:19,879
Wow.
864
00:31:19,961 --> 00:31:21,713
We're not going to tell
anyone about this, are we'?
865
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,891
(IMITATING SIREN WAILING)
POOPSIE: Where were you?
866
00:31:23,965 --> 00:31:26,809
I trust you can
keep a secret, kid!
867
00:31:27,928 --> 00:31:29,020
JILL: You guys!
868
00:31:29,096 --> 00:31:30,894
You guys!
Are you sitting down'?
869
00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:33,816
I got over 100 responses
on the computer!
870
00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:34,893
(SHRIEKS)
871
00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:36,398
Whoa-ho-ho!
872
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,526
Look at Miss Popular,
all of a sudden.
873
00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:40,073
I mean, some of them
are weirdoes,
874
00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:41,650
but some of them are so nice!
875
00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:44,907
I wrote one guy back,
and we're going out tonight!
876
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:46,078
Oh, my God!
877
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,747
Whoa! I love it!
878
00:31:47,823 --> 00:31:48,915
Oh, my God!
879
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:50,742
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
880
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:52,749
I'm so scared. I don't know
what I'm going to wear.
881
00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:53,795
Oh, I'll help you.
I'll help you.
882
00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:55,213
I'm freaking out.
883
00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:56,881
I feel like Julia Roberts
in that movie.
884
00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:58,174
Pretty Woman.
885
00:31:58,250 --> 00:31:59,877
No, no, no, the one
where she's a hooker.
886
00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,086
What's the name of that one?
887
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:02,546
Uh, Pretty Woman? No, no, no!
888
00:32:02,629 --> 00:32:03,676
Why are you saying that?
889
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:04,756
No, the other one.
890
00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:06,342
What's the matter with you?
891
00:32:07,134 --> 00:32:08,932
What's she going to wear?
892
00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:11,184
What are you
going to wear, Daddy'?
893
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:12,897
In Hell.
894
00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:16,393
Shut up.
895
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:18,562
This is like waiting
for the queen.
896
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:20,067
Yeah, yeah. Well, let's see
what's taking her so long.
897
00:32:20,147 --> 00:32:21,740
Go up there, speed her along.
898
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:23,067
Come on, go, go, go.
(KIDS EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)
899
00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:24,743
(DOORBELL RINGS)
900
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:25,944
I'm answering it!
901
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,654
JILL: Funbucket's here!
902
00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:28,909
Funbucket?
903
00:32:28,989 --> 00:32:29,990
JILL: Oh, tell him
I'm not ready!
904
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,074
Tell him I'm not home!
905
00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:32,330
She'll be right down.
906
00:32:32,409 --> 00:32:34,912
JILL: No! No, it won't zip!
It won't zip!
907
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,464
HEY- HEY...
908
00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:39,457
Are you Funbucket?
909
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,675
Yeah, that's me.
910
00:32:40,834 --> 00:32:42,461
You don't look like
a Funbucket.
911
00:32:42,544 --> 00:32:45,673
I was picturing someone
more fun or buckety.
912
00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:48,675
You're not the crazy,
hot masseuse, are you?
913
00:32:48,758 --> 00:32:49,930
I want you to tell me
right up front,
914
00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:51,637
'cause if you are,
I'm not paying for dinner.
915
00:32:52,179 --> 00:32:53,476
Come here.
916
00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,978
If you mention Craigslist
to her or do anything
917
00:32:56,057 --> 00:32:57,434
that hurts her,
I will stick my foot...
918
00:32:57,517 --> 00:32:58,769
Funbucket?
919
00:32:59,478 --> 00:33:00,650
Manilow?
920
00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,573
(SOMEWHERE IN THE NIGHT
PLAYING)
921
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:13,117
♪ Somewhere in the night,
we will know
922
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,626
♪ Everything lovers can know
923
00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:22,130
♪ You're my song
924
00:33:22,209 --> 00:33:26,555
♪ Music too magic to end
925
00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:30,180
♪ I'll play you
over and over... ♪
926
00:33:31,176 --> 00:33:32,894
So, yeah, you know what?
927
00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:34,186
I'll be up-front with you.
928
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:38,312
I live in the Bronx and
I don't have any children.
929
00:33:38,391 --> 00:33:40,189
In all honesty,
the clock's ticking,
930
00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:41,520
so if dinner works,
931
00:33:41,603 --> 00:33:43,526
we got to get to work.
I'm kidding you.
932
00:33:43,605 --> 00:33:45,983
I just said that 'cause
I'm very nervous right now
933
00:33:46,066 --> 00:33:47,363
and I just keep
talking so much.
934
00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:49,035
My mouth is moving.
935
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:50,657
I don't even realize
how much it's moving.
936
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,374
It's... I'm not even feeling it.
It's cottony.
937
00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:56,998
So, is this your first date
on mySoul-Mate.net?
938
00:33:57,077 --> 00:33:58,329
Yes.
939
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,714
Assuming it's really happening
940
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,542
and not some sort of
terrifying nightmare.
941
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:05,002
(CHUCKLES) I know.
942
00:34:05,085 --> 00:34:06,382
What do you do for a living'?
943
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:07,508
Don't tell me. I don't want...
944
00:34:07,587 --> 00:34:08,554
I want to play 20 Questions.
945
00:34:08,630 --> 00:34:09,722
Remember that game?
946
00:34:09,798 --> 00:34:11,345
When we were little?
20 Questions?
947
00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:13,051
Okay, first question.
Animal, mineral...
948
00:34:13,134 --> 00:34:14,101
I'm going to go
to the bathroom.
949
00:34:14,177 --> 00:34:15,349
Okay...
950
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:18,139
See you.
951
00:34:23,979 --> 00:34:25,652
Um, should I take away
your salads?
952
00:34:26,481 --> 00:34:30,577
Oh, I think he's just waiting
for his to cool off.
953
00:34:30,652 --> 00:34:33,246
So, we'll just, um...
Just a few more minutes.
954
00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:34,664
Thank you.
955
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:38,539
(KNOCKING)
956
00:34:38,618 --> 00:34:41,713
Hello? Hello?
957
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:48,004
Funbucket? Funbucket?
958
00:34:50,839 --> 00:34:52,182
Hello?
959
00:35:01,975 --> 00:35:04,319
He must have gone out
to get some air.
960
00:35:15,739 --> 00:35:16,956
Good job.
961
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:19,291
You're alive!
962
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:20,619
How did it go?
963
00:35:20,702 --> 00:35:23,581
Oh, it was... It was fine.
964
00:35:23,663 --> 00:35:25,290
He didn't try anything funny
with you, did he'?
965
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,966
No, no.
966
00:35:27,042 --> 00:35:28,134
Does he want to go out again?
967
00:35:28,209 --> 00:35:29,426
Is he your prince?
968
00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:30,628
Are you his princess?
969
00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:31,804
SOFIA: Did he ask
for your number?
970
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,132
Did he kiss you good night?
971
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:35,467
(SCREAMING) Oh, will you
kids stop it already?
972
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:36,927
It was just a date!
973
00:35:37,010 --> 00:35:40,310
Why do you put so much
pressure on me?
974
00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:43,312
(SOBBING) Why are
there so many stairs?
975
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:46,315
I miss your old chandelier!
976
00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:48,488
No one's ever going to love me!
977
00:35:48,563 --> 00:35:50,156
I'm a loser!
978
00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:53,117
Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.
979
00:35:53,193 --> 00:35:54,319
Why?
980
00:35:54,402 --> 00:35:56,029
Why are you an idiot?
981
00:35:57,405 --> 00:36:01,751
(IN SING-SONG) Busted, disgusted,
never to be trusted.
982
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:07,131
Hi, Jill.
983
00:36:07,374 --> 00:36:09,217
It's okay, it's...
984
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:11,674
We've all had bad dates.
985
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:13,179
Whatever.
986
00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:14,506
He was such a...
987
00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:16,887
I thought he was cool
for a second.
988
00:36:17,217 --> 00:36:18,639
Jack feels like
you deserve to go out
989
00:36:18,718 --> 00:36:20,436
with a guy
who treats you right.
990
00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:21,980
So guess who is taking you
991
00:36:22,055 --> 00:36:23,773
to the Lakers game
tomorrow night.
992
00:36:24,474 --> 00:36:26,772
Hairfingers23 from
the computer?
993
00:36:27,435 --> 00:36:29,938
No, actually, I'm your date.
994
00:36:30,438 --> 00:36:33,112
I love that, Pagogo!
995
00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:34,943
Ook maga do do!
996
00:36:35,026 --> 00:36:36,118
That sounds great.
997
00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:38,322
Finally some twin time.
998
00:36:38,405 --> 00:36:41,659
Oh, pali wali, zoom gali gali.
999
00:36:41,741 --> 00:36:44,540
That means, "I want to
choke on my own vomit."
1000
00:36:44,619 --> 00:36:45,666
Does it?
1001
00:36:45,745 --> 00:36:46,837
L... I'm a little rusty.
1002
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,506
I don't remember everything.
1003
00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:51,464
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1004
00:36:58,133 --> 00:36:59,806
Oh, my God, look at these guys.
1005
00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,227
They're huge.
1006
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:02,474
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're too big.
1007
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:03,806
It's freaky. Will you stop'?
1008
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:05,060
It's weird. Stop it.
1009
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,562
No, it's...
Where do they buy pants'?
1010
00:37:06,641 --> 00:37:07,688
Just please keep walking.
1011
00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:09,314
I'm sorry.
1012
00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:11,271
It's like
nuclear-power-plant big.
1013
00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:12,355
That's... That's big.
1014
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,317
John, we're so close here.
1015
00:37:15,984 --> 00:37:17,452
Hey. You got us in the game.
1016
00:37:17,527 --> 00:37:19,325
What's, uh...
1017
00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:20,906
What's going on
with the beard, man'?
1018
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:22,328
I'm doing research.
1019
00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:23,579
I don't want to be
recognized, okay'?
1020
00:37:23,825 --> 00:37:26,203
(CROWD CHEERING)
1021
00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:42,101
Who is that?
Hey, Jill, don't go nuts,
1022
00:37:42,177 --> 00:37:44,100
but I'm gonna try
and talk to Al Pacino.
1023
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:45,522
MAN: It's Pacino!
1024
00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:47,065
Al Pacino, the movie actor?
1025
00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:48,767
Yes, yes, stay calm.
1026
00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:51,110
What do you think
people are thinking here,
1027
00:37:51,186 --> 00:37:52,438
that I'm sitting with my rabbi?
1028
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,443
Hey, guys, big game tonight.
1029
00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:55,865
Yeah. How you doing, Johnny'?
1030
00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:56,941
How are you? Huge fan.
1031
00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:58,242
Good to see you. Thank you.
1032
00:37:58,318 --> 00:37:59,786
And, uh, Mr. Pacino,
1033
00:37:59,861 --> 00:38:02,080
I actually met you one
time at a movie premiere.
1034
00:38:06,493 --> 00:38:07,790
He's thirsty.
1035
00:38:07,869 --> 00:38:09,086
Okay...
1036
00:38:09,162 --> 00:38:10,584
It was Cats & Dogs 3,
1037
00:38:10,663 --> 00:38:13,086
and we were sitting
in the same row.
1038
00:38:13,166 --> 00:38:14,793
One of your kids
knocked over your popcorn,
1039
00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:16,423
and I gave you mine.
1040
00:38:16,503 --> 00:38:18,756
And you called me "Popcorn"
the rest of the night.
1041
00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:20,090
Popcorn.
1042
00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:22,050
Yes.
Yeah, nice to see you again.
1043
00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:23,475
Hey, what's with the beard?
1044
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:25,224
You look a little
like Bin Laden.
1045
00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:27,806
I was kind of thinking Castro, myself.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
1046
00:38:27,889 --> 00:38:29,106
No, no, it's like
1047
00:38:29,182 --> 00:38:31,184
the cough drops guy,
the Smith Brothers.
1048
00:38:31,684 --> 00:38:33,652
Who is that?
Is that your wife'?
1049
00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,150
No, no, no, that's
my sister Jill.
1050
00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:36,447
She's in from the Bronx.
1051
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:38,116
Hey, Al, do you think
you'd ever...
1052
00:38:38,191 --> 00:38:39,158
Dulcinea.
1053
00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:40,281
What's that?
1054
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,407
You're from the Bronx?
1055
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:42,487
Yeah, born and bred.
1056
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:43,822
Throggs Neck, the nice part.
1057
00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:44,997
Al, I got a question for you,
1058
00:38:45,073 --> 00:38:46,165
and I know it's a long shot.
1059
00:38:46,241 --> 00:38:47,458
Well, I'm from the Bronx.
1060
00:38:47,534 --> 00:38:48,660
Oh, okay. Did you know that?
1061
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:50,586
Yeah, to be honest, I don't
know much about you.
1062
00:38:50,662 --> 00:38:52,084
I haven't seen
a lot of your movies,
1063
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:53,631
but I hear you're very serious.
1064
00:38:53,706 --> 00:38:55,504
Well, you know... Okay.
1065
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:56,800
Hey, is Ryan Seacrest here?
1066
00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:58,093
Have you seen him?
Do you know him?
1067
00:38:58,419 --> 00:38:59,887
I'm sorry, who-crest?
1068
00:39:00,088 --> 00:39:01,556
Al, would you ever
consider doing a...
1069
00:39:01,631 --> 00:39:03,633
Eh, who is your friend?
Was he in Duran Duran?
1070
00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:04,683
Were you in Duran Duran?
1071
00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:06,887
Yes. Yes, I was.
1072
00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:09,556
So, tell me, how long are
you gonna be in L.A.?
1073
00:39:09,764 --> 00:39:11,812
Oh, my God.
Is that John Stamos? Who?
1074
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:14,023
Pagogo, Pagogo, let's
go before he gets away!
1075
00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:15,695
I want to see him
up close! Please!
1076
00:39:15,770 --> 00:39:17,317
Oh, so, Al,
I'm gonna get a hold
1077
00:39:17,397 --> 00:39:18,398
of your agent, if that's cool.
1078
00:39:18,523 --> 00:39:20,901
ANNOUNCER: Time to play ball.
1079
00:39:21,401 --> 00:39:22,994
(CROWD GROANS)
1080
00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:24,495
When's the marching band
come out?
1081
00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:26,118
Uh, that's not going to happen.
1082
00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:27,289
No?
1083
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:29,083
JACK: Here we go. Here we go.
1084
00:39:30,952 --> 00:39:32,545
ANNOUNCER: Kobe Bryant!
1085
00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,748
(CROWD CHEERING)
1086
00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:50,521
Compliments of Mr. Pacino.
1087
00:39:50,597 --> 00:39:52,144
What's this?
1088
00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:00,528
(LAUGHS) I can't believe this.
1089
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,109
This is insane, man!
1090
00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:04,239
You got to call him!
Oh, cool your buns.
1091
00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:07,163
You know I'm still hurting from
the whole Funbucket fiasco.
1092
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:08,740
No, but Pacino liked you!
1093
00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:10,746
I swear to God,
he really liked you!
1094
00:40:11,159 --> 00:40:12,456
Oh, will you stop already?
1095
00:40:12,535 --> 00:40:15,254
You know all he wants to do is
play Twister with your sister.
1096
00:40:15,622 --> 00:40:17,716
Jill, will you just
do this for me?
1097
00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:20,919
You know, maybe I'll be ready
to date again in a few weeks.
1098
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:22,845
We'll sit and talk about
it on New Year's.
1099
00:40:23,296 --> 00:40:24,639
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1100
00:40:27,967 --> 00:40:29,560
New Year's?
1101
00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,434
But you're not gonna
be here on New Year's,
1102
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:32,729
'cause that's
after our birthday.
1103
00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:34,607
Which is when you're leaving.
1104
00:40:34,682 --> 00:40:36,810
Yeah. Uh, I guess so.
1105
00:40:37,310 --> 00:40:40,063
So, if New Year's comes up...
Mmm-hmm.
1106
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:42,069
Just tell Jill that
one more passenger
1107
00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:43,900
on the cruise ship, it'll sink.
1108
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:45,109
I'm not telling her that.
1109
00:40:45,193 --> 00:40:47,070
Tell her... You got
to tell her something.
1110
00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:48,279
I'm not having her
come to Europe.
1111
00:40:48,363 --> 00:40:49,364
It's the kids' first trip.
1112
00:40:49,656 --> 00:40:51,124
Hey, how are we doing in here?
1113
00:40:51,199 --> 00:40:52,621
It's 6:32.
1114
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:56,079
Forty-three years ago at this
very time, you were born.
1115
00:40:56,162 --> 00:40:57,755
Happy birthday, Number One.
1116
00:40:57,830 --> 00:40:59,082
Okay, thank you.
1117
00:40:59,165 --> 00:41:00,917
Aw, happy birthday, you guys.
Okay.
1118
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,468
No, no, no, not yet, not yet!
1119
00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:04,261
I wasn't born yet. I'm 6:33.
1120
00:41:04,337 --> 00:41:06,305
I'm still 42, Erin. Oh, God.
1121
00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:07,633
So how does it feel, old man?
1122
00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:09,092
Getting rickety in the bones?
1123
00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:10,768
(LAUGHS)
1124
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:12,436
I'm so bummed that
you're leaving tomorrow.
1125
00:41:12,512 --> 00:41:13,764
I'm going to miss you.
1126
00:41:13,846 --> 00:41:15,439
Oh, yeah. Oh, God.
1127
00:41:15,515 --> 00:41:16,767
I'm going to miss...
1128
00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:18,146
I'm going to miss
you guys, too.
1129
00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:19,398
Especially on New Year's.
1130
00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:21,445
Get the violins going, yeah.
1131
00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:24,824
It's just, every year, I'd
go with Mom to Valentino's.
1132
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,322
It's the restaurant, Erin,
where my mother met my father.
1133
00:41:28,444 --> 00:41:29,821
Oh, I knew that was
going to be big.
1134
00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:31,618
Don't throw it out.
1135
00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:33,416
We can make
a birthday candle with it.
1136
00:41:37,078 --> 00:41:39,001
Hey, we're only
40 minutes late, guys.
1137
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:40,957
I hope they sing
Happy Birthday to us.
1138
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:42,963
Yeah, I hope we still have
our table there, Slick.
1139
00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:44,339
Why is it so dark in here?
1140
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:45,796
Are we going to get
killed or something'?
1141
00:41:45,878 --> 00:41:47,471
ALL: Surprise!
1142
00:41:47,547 --> 00:41:48,969
Oh, my God.
1143
00:41:49,048 --> 00:41:50,516
Jack, we got you.
1144
00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:52,309
You are having a party for us?
1145
00:41:52,385 --> 00:41:54,183
Oh, coolness!
1146
00:41:54,262 --> 00:41:55,730
Every body’s here.
1147
00:41:55,805 --> 00:41:58,604
And I just had to meet
your twin sister.
1148
00:41:58,933 --> 00:42:00,651
Very nice to see you.
1149
00:42:00,727 --> 00:42:03,321
I mean, you guys
really do look alike.
1150
00:42:03,396 --> 00:42:04,818
I say that all the time.
1151
00:42:04,897 --> 00:42:06,149
He says no.
1152
00:42:06,232 --> 00:42:07,859
Jill, I want
to introduce you around.
1153
00:42:07,942 --> 00:42:10,320
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) This is
going to be a bad night.
1154
00:42:10,403 --> 00:42:12,201
This is going to be
an awful, awful night.
1155
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,281
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1156
00:42:13,573 --> 00:42:14,870
Really, it's fascinating.
1157
00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:16,542
So, how does it work,
Mr. Subway Sandwich?
1158
00:42:16,617 --> 00:42:17,834
Just, well, just tell me more.
1159
00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:18,957
Just Jared's fine.
1160
00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:20,459
Call you Jared? Okay, sure.
1161
00:42:20,747 --> 00:42:22,499
It's just,
10 sandwiches a day...
1162
00:42:22,582 --> 00:42:24,550
To me, that seems too much,
almost like a job.
1163
00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:25,717
I couldn't do that.
1164
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:27,045
I don't eat that many. No?
1165
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:28,801
Okay, okay,
here's the situation.
1166
00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:31,011
You're here, there's
not a Subway in sight.
1167
00:42:31,090 --> 00:42:32,387
You're at a steakhouse
like this.
1168
00:42:32,467 --> 00:42:33,844
What do you eat?
What do you eat'?
1169
00:42:33,926 --> 00:42:35,553
I eat other things.
Oh, you do'?
1170
00:42:35,636 --> 00:42:36,728
You do'? I knew
you were cheating.
1171
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,602
That's why there's so
much goo left on you.
1172
00:42:38,931 --> 00:42:40,023
What?
1173
00:42:40,099 --> 00:42:41,351
I miss the old Jared,
1174
00:42:41,434 --> 00:42:43,402
the 400-pound Jared
that scared us.
1175
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:44,650
I don't miss that one at all.
1176
00:42:45,146 --> 00:42:47,399
Well, I'm sure you don't.
But if he was around, he'd be with me
1177
00:42:47,482 --> 00:42:48,779
and not with the two hookers.
1178
00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:53,746
JILL: Well, yeah,
we love musicals.
1179
00:42:53,821 --> 00:42:55,038
You know what?
1180
00:42:55,114 --> 00:42:56,411
You're the Sham-Wow man, right?
1181
00:42:56,491 --> 00:42:57,993
Yeah. Funny story.
1182
00:42:58,159 --> 00:43:00,787
Uh, Jack used to be a bed-wetter.
MEN: No!
1183
00:43:00,870 --> 00:43:02,918
He could have used one
of these Sham-Wow things
1184
00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:04,715
20 years ago for
his pee puddles.
1185
00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:06,384
(LAUGHING)
1186
00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:07,711
Oh, there's Mr. Yellow Sheets!
1187
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:10,047
(ALL LAUGHING)
1188
00:43:10,129 --> 00:43:11,676
BILLY: Where you
going, Puddles?
1189
00:43:12,632 --> 00:43:15,101
All right,
nice to meet you all.
1190
00:43:15,176 --> 00:43:17,474
Am I crazy or is she hot?
1191
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:19,104
You're crazy.
1192
00:43:19,347 --> 00:43:21,224
IRVIN: It's Jack with boobs.
1193
00:43:21,307 --> 00:43:23,105
Jack with boobs. That's right.
1194
00:43:23,184 --> 00:43:24,481
There he is!
1195
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:27,109
Dude, did you set
this whole thing up'?
1196
00:43:27,188 --> 00:43:28,280
Yeah, we got through it, man.
1197
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:29,573
It came out pretty dope,
I think.
1198
00:43:29,649 --> 00:43:31,196
It's amazing. Hey, Jill.
1199
00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:33,786
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Come here for a sec.
1200
00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:35,113
Okay, nice to see you.
1201
00:43:35,196 --> 00:43:36,573
What's going on?
1202
00:43:36,656 --> 00:43:38,579
Did I ever tell you
Todd is an atheist?
1203
00:43:38,866 --> 00:43:39,867
A what?
1204
00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:41,411
Oh, God.
1205
00:43:41,494 --> 00:43:42,746
(CHUCKLES)
Have a great time, guys.
1206
00:43:42,829 --> 00:43:44,957
No. How could
there be a Grand Canyon
1207
00:43:45,039 --> 00:43:46,461
if God didn't exist?
1208
00:43:46,541 --> 00:43:48,088
Right. (STUTTERS)
That's a very good point.
1209
00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:49,635
I'm just saying,
you know, maybe...
1210
00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:53,135
Maybe God wouldn't have given you a
rat face if you believed in him.
1211
00:43:53,214 --> 00:43:54,306
I don't have a rat face.
1212
00:43:54,382 --> 00:43:56,009
Yes, you do have a rat face!
It's scary.
1213
00:43:56,092 --> 00:43:57,469
McENROE: Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
1214
00:43:57,552 --> 00:43:58,519
This guy doesn't
believe in God?
1215
00:43:58,594 --> 00:43:59,641
No!
1216
00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:00,972
No, no, I'm just saying
1217
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:02,602
that there's not real proof.
1218
00:44:02,682 --> 00:44:05,982
Idiots like you
really make me mad!
1219
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:07,482
Fight! Fight! Fight him!
1220
00:44:07,562 --> 00:44:08,984
(CHANTING) Fight! Fight! Fight!
1221
00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,815
Because I'm about
to US Open your skull!
1222
00:44:10,898 --> 00:44:13,321
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
1223
00:44:13,401 --> 00:44:16,996
ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you
1224
00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:21,292
♪ Happy birth...
1225
00:44:21,367 --> 00:44:26,168
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jack...
1226
00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:28,341
♪ And Jill
1227
00:44:28,416 --> 00:44:33,388
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1228
00:44:33,588 --> 00:44:35,135
Come on, make a wish,
you twins.
1229
00:44:35,214 --> 00:44:36,966
Okay, let's do it.
Where's the other cake?
1230
00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:38,718
There's not enough candles for both of us.
All right, Jill.
1231
00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:40,849
One cake's enough.
Make the wish.
1232
00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:43,640
Mom and Dad always
got us two cakes.
1233
00:44:44,557 --> 00:44:46,480
Made us both feel special.
1234
00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:48,311
I don't think Mom and Dad
would like this.
1235
00:44:48,394 --> 00:44:50,362
Make the wish already!
I'm hungry!
1236
00:44:50,605 --> 00:44:51,697
(EXHALES)
Will you stop already?
1237
00:44:51,772 --> 00:44:52,864
Blow out the candles.
1238
00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,408
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1239
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:02,041
(CHEERING)
1240
00:45:06,621 --> 00:45:07,873
Whoa!
1241
00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:09,924
Funny meeting you here.
1242
00:45:11,626 --> 00:45:13,674
Don't be startled.
It's only me.
1243
00:45:14,295 --> 00:45:15,342
(LAUGHS)
1244
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:18,178
AL: It's always the same thing.
1245
00:45:18,257 --> 00:45:19,224
It's L.A.
1246
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,517
I never know where I am.
1247
00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:21,719
It's a wilderness here.
1248
00:45:21,802 --> 00:45:23,850
I mean, in the Bronx,
1249
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:25,853
you got the streets,
you got the numbers.
1250
00:45:25,932 --> 00:45:28,230
You got 187th, 188th.
1251
00:45:28,309 --> 00:45:29,856
Yeah, right, in order.
It follows in sequence.
1252
00:45:29,936 --> 00:45:32,280
Here, you got the palm trees,
and they all look alike.
1253
00:45:34,523 --> 00:45:36,491
I have no idea where we are.
1254
00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:38,869
You really don't? I don't.
1255
00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:41,368
Lucky... Lucky for us,
I got the panic button.
1256
00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:43,033
You have a panic button?
1257
00:45:43,115 --> 00:45:45,493
Yeah, and we'll soon find
out where we are, huh?
1258
00:45:45,993 --> 00:45:47,836
(ALARM BLARING)
1259
00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:50,881
There we go. That's a house.
1260
00:45:50,957 --> 00:45:52,083
That's not a bakery.
1261
00:45:52,166 --> 00:45:53,338
Whether we go
in a bakery, a house,
1262
00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:54,418
what difference does it make?
1263
00:45:54,502 --> 00:45:55,674
It makes a difference!
1264
00:45:55,962 --> 00:45:57,885
What do you mean?
There's a bakery in the house.
1265
00:45:57,964 --> 00:45:59,432
Get out of town! Come on.
1266
00:45:59,507 --> 00:46:01,009
I'm not going to your house.
1267
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:02,768
I want to see
a birthday cake soon
1268
00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:04,766
or I'm taking pepper spray out.
I'm not kidding.
1269
00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:07,689
O ye of little faith.
1270
00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:09,392
What is that, a Shakespeare'?
1271
00:46:09,558 --> 00:46:11,105
No, that was Jesus.
1272
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:12,983
Okay, birthday girl.
1273
00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:14,651
Oh, my God. Here it is.
1274
00:46:14,981 --> 00:46:16,107
You name it,
1275
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:18,909
Xavier, my guy, will bake it.
1276
00:46:18,985 --> 00:46:20,202
(LAUGHS)
1277
00:46:20,361 --> 00:46:21,613
Oh, my God!
1278
00:46:21,696 --> 00:46:23,744
Look, I made her happy.
I love this!
1279
00:46:23,823 --> 00:46:24,915
made you happy...
1280
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:30,004
♪ To dream
the impossible dream ♪
1281
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:31,296
Nutcracker.
1282
00:46:31,372 --> 00:46:34,296
No. That? That's, uh,
Man of La Mancha.
1283
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:36,969
They offered me the part of
Don Quixote on Broadway.
1284
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:38,591
Ooh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah.
1285
00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:40,298
But, you know, I'm just,
uh, I'm not there yet,
1286
00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:42,258
so I'm mulling it over,
you know?
1287
00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:45,140
I love that. That's where the, uh,
man's in the tower ringing the bell'?
1288
00:46:45,386 --> 00:46:46,763
That's Quasimodo.
1289
00:46:46,846 --> 00:46:48,644
That's Hunchback of Notre-Dame.
1290
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:50,942
See, this is Don Quixote.
1291
00:46:51,017 --> 00:46:54,317
Don Quixote meets
this, uh, fallen woman
1292
00:46:54,395 --> 00:46:56,773
who he thinks is his
lost love Dulcinea.
1293
00:46:56,856 --> 00:46:58,108
Right.
1294
00:46:58,190 --> 00:46:59,783
And he can't
straighten his back,
1295
00:46:59,859 --> 00:47:01,281
so he keeps ringing the bell.
1296
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:02,452
And he has a sidekick.
1297
00:47:02,528 --> 00:47:03,996
It was a mouse.
1298
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:05,698
Okay, moving on.
1299
00:47:05,781 --> 00:47:09,081
Listen, Bronx, I got a
birthday surprise for you.
1300
00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:11,291
Another one? Yeah.
1301
00:47:11,370 --> 00:47:13,247
It's my
1302
00:47:14,373 --> 00:47:17,047
original stickball stick.
1303
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:19,299
Oh. Come with me a second.
1304
00:47:19,378 --> 00:47:20,846
Let me just eat some cake.
This is so good.
1305
00:47:20,921 --> 00:47:22,343
Leave it.
You've been eating enough.
1306
00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:23,470
We really have to stop now?
1307
00:47:23,549 --> 00:47:24,641
Xavier!
1308
00:47:24,717 --> 00:47:26,139
Oui, monsieur?
1309
00:47:26,218 --> 00:47:27,219
Ha!
1310
00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,305
He's going to throw the ball,
1311
00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:32,016
and you are going to take this
stick with two hands, right?
1312
00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:33,191
And you're going to hit it.
1313
00:47:33,267 --> 00:47:35,315
Do I have to play
this weird game?
1314
00:47:35,394 --> 00:47:37,567
It's not weird.
Jill, it's in you.
1315
00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:40,365
It's in your DNA.
Just think Bronx.
1316
00:47:40,441 --> 00:47:41,863
Let it just float.
1317
00:47:41,942 --> 00:47:43,319
Okay, okay, okay...
1318
00:47:43,402 --> 00:47:45,200
Can you do me a favor
and not hold me like this?
1319
00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:46,906
All right. I'm just
trying to show you.
1320
00:47:46,989 --> 00:47:49,868
Okay, all you got to do is
make contact, that's all.
1321
00:47:49,950 --> 00:47:52,624
I feel like this is your game
and it's not my game.
1322
00:47:52,912 --> 00:47:55,210
If you want to play my game,
Hungry Hungry Hippos, Sabaday.
1323
00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:56,381
Do you have that here?
1324
00:47:56,457 --> 00:47:57,629
That's coming.
(SPEAKING MOCK FRENCH)
1325
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:58,967
Goobledy gibble globbity!
1326
00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:00,044
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1327
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,970
What language are you speaking?
1328
00:48:02,254 --> 00:48:03,346
Just throw it.
1329
00:48:03,422 --> 00:48:05,220
Oui, oui. Okay.
1330
00:48:05,299 --> 00:48:06,642
Come on, no batter here, pitcher!
No batter!
1331
00:48:06,717 --> 00:48:08,014
I just don't know
why we're doing this.
1332
00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:09,311
Oh! Whoa!
1333
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:13,599
JILL: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1334
00:48:13,682 --> 00:48:15,309
I am so sorry!
1335
00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:18,195
I'm sure you have
others, though.
1336
00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:22,029
Uh, you'd think it, but,
uh, oddly enough, I don't.
1337
00:48:22,108 --> 00:48:23,234
But I have you.
1338
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:24,569
You don't have me. I...
1339
00:48:24,652 --> 00:48:25,699
I'd rather have you.
1340
00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:27,246
I'm sorry. I'm going to go.
1341
00:48:27,321 --> 00:48:29,744
I just... I had fun,
but I'm so tired.
1342
00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:31,326
It's 8:30 in the morning,
my time.
1343
00:48:31,659 --> 00:48:33,536
Do you know what time
it is for me?
1344
00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:36,209
It is time for my salvation.
1345
00:48:36,372 --> 00:48:40,343
Because finally,
I found the one woman,
1346
00:48:40,584 --> 00:48:43,133
with all her rough-hewn charm,
1347
00:48:43,546 --> 00:48:45,514
who will lead me back...
1348
00:48:47,133 --> 00:48:49,010
to sanity.
1349
00:48:51,470 --> 00:48:52,642
You're sick.
1350
00:48:52,721 --> 00:48:53,813
You're a sweetie.
1351
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:55,099
I saw what you were doing
1352
00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:56,809
with the stick
and it was gross.
1353
00:48:57,143 --> 00:48:58,440
Thank you, Sabaday.
1354
00:48:58,519 --> 00:48:59,941
Wait a minute, where do
you think you're going?
1355
00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:02,398
I'm not your wham-bam-eggs-
and-ham type.
1356
00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:03,607
But you don't have a car.
1357
00:49:03,691 --> 00:49:04,692
(DOOR CLOSES)
1358
00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:11,783
POOPSIE:
Why are you ignoring me?
1359
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:17,292
What happened to me?
1360
00:49:17,455 --> 00:49:18,502
What's this?
1361
00:49:18,831 --> 00:49:20,458
Help me!
1362
00:49:21,542 --> 00:49:22,794
Where were you?
1363
00:49:23,419 --> 00:49:24,545
What do you mean?
1364
00:49:25,004 --> 00:49:27,302
I was here, bird.
1365
00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:30,430
Felipe.
1366
00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:32,728
Miss Jill?
What you doing out here'?
1367
00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:35,644
I stayed out here because I
didn't want to go in the house.
1368
00:49:35,723 --> 00:49:37,771
And Erin tried to make me
come back in and I wouldn't.
1369
00:49:38,017 --> 00:49:40,736
He yelled at me
'cause I rejected Al Pacino.
1370
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:44,320
Well, if you need something to
do, I'm just fixing the timer
1371
00:49:44,398 --> 00:49:46,571
and heading off to
a big family picnic.
1372
00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:48,990
We play soccer, eat,
1373
00:49:49,069 --> 00:49:50,912
steal white people's wallets...
1374
00:49:51,363 --> 00:49:52,455
What did you say?
1375
00:49:52,698 --> 00:49:54,450
I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
1376
00:49:54,533 --> 00:49:56,001
(CHUCKLES) We don't eat.
1377
00:49:56,076 --> 00:49:57,828
(LAUGHS) Oh, stop it.
1378
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:59,459
POOPSIE: Why won't you help me?
1379
00:49:59,538 --> 00:50:01,415
What are you doing?
Put Poopsie down!
1380
00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:03,884
It flew in my bread.
1381
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,258
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1382
00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:12,259
Hey, Rosa!
1383
00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:13,344
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
1384
00:50:13,427 --> 00:50:14,679
This is my friend, Jill.
1385
00:50:14,762 --> 00:50:16,309
Hi. That's my father,
1386
00:50:16,388 --> 00:50:19,688
my mama, my brother Juan,
my other brother Juan,
1387
00:50:19,767 --> 00:50:21,144
Juan Jr.,
1388
00:50:21,227 --> 00:50:24,527
my sister Juanita,
my grandma Juangelina,
1389
00:50:24,939 --> 00:50:26,361
and that... I'm kidding!
1390
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:27,487
(LAUGHING)
1391
00:50:27,566 --> 00:50:28,863
I was going to say,
1392
00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:30,195
that's a lot of Juans!
1393
00:50:30,402 --> 00:50:31,779
FELIPE: We're not
all named Juan.
1394
00:50:31,946 --> 00:50:33,823
Hey, niños!
Look, these are my kids.
1395
00:50:33,906 --> 00:50:36,830
José, José Jr. Y Josefina
1396
00:50:36,909 --> 00:50:38,502
They are beautiful.
1397
00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:39,920
Hi. Hi.
1398
00:50:39,995 --> 00:50:41,622
They all look like
my wife, thank God.
1399
00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:43,382
Your wife'? I need to meet her.
1400
00:50:43,457 --> 00:50:44,629
Where is she?
1401
00:50:44,917 --> 00:50:47,170
Well, she passed away
four years ago.
1402
00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:48,713
I'm so sorry.
1403
00:50:48,796 --> 00:50:50,013
I lost my mother recently.
1404
00:50:50,089 --> 00:50:51,181
No, that's all right.
1405
00:50:51,257 --> 00:50:53,601
I love talking about my wife.
1406
00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:56,395
And I know she's up there
1407
00:50:56,470 --> 00:50:58,313
sneaking into Heaven right now.
1408
00:51:00,266 --> 00:51:02,018
It's a joke! It's a joke!
1409
00:51:02,434 --> 00:51:03,811
(LAUGHING) Your father's bad.
1410
00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:06,317
He's bad! He's very bad!
1411
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,528
Ready for the best
Mexican food you ever had'?
1412
00:51:08,607 --> 00:51:10,359
I never had Mexican food.
1413
00:51:10,442 --> 00:51:11,568
What?
1414
00:51:11,652 --> 00:51:13,245
I'm sorry. It's not my fault.
1415
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,243
Uh, they don't
serve it at my deli.
1416
00:51:15,322 --> 00:51:16,574
Well, today is your lucky day.
1417
00:51:16,657 --> 00:51:17,658
Okay...
1418
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:19,034
Taste. Cool.
1419
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:21,207
WOW!
1420
00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:22,539
That's chile relleno.
1421
00:51:22,621 --> 00:51:23,588
It looks like a knish.
1422
00:51:23,664 --> 00:51:24,665
(LAUGHS)
1423
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,089
Never had Mexican food.
(CHUCKLES)
1424
00:51:28,335 --> 00:51:30,337
It's very, very good.
1425
00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:34,054
(THUDS)
1426
00:51:34,133 --> 00:51:35,806
I'm kidding. Are you okay'?
1427
00:51:36,093 --> 00:51:37,265
Yeah, I'm fine.
1428
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:38,391
Heads up.
1429
00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:39,642
What is this thing?
1430
00:51:39,722 --> 00:51:41,190
No, no, no, no, no, no!
1431
00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:42,941
It's too hot.
1432
00:51:43,017 --> 00:51:44,064
Just like you.
1433
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:46,237
Oh, Felipe, easy.
1434
00:51:49,523 --> 00:51:50,740
Come on, Jill!
1435
00:51:50,899 --> 00:51:52,071
Come on!
1436
00:51:54,653 --> 00:51:56,405
(CROWD GROANS)
1437
00:51:56,488 --> 00:51:57,705
(LAUGHS)
1438
00:51:58,032 --> 00:51:59,875
(CHEERING EXCITEDLY)
1439
00:52:04,496 --> 00:52:06,043
(LAUGHS)
MAN: Get Jill out there!
1440
00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:08,216
(ALL CHEERING)
1441
00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:37,621
(HISSES)
1442
00:52:38,364 --> 00:52:39,490
Come on, Jill, run!
1443
00:52:39,865 --> 00:52:40,866
Run!
1444
00:52:42,409 --> 00:52:43,752
(CROWD GROANS)
1445
00:52:44,244 --> 00:52:45,996
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1446
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,082
Jalapeños. Jalapeños.
1447
00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:50,592
Okay, this is yours.
1448
00:52:51,543 --> 00:52:54,638
(CROWD CHANTING IN SPANISH)
1449
00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:56,386
(CROWD GROANS)
1450
00:52:57,383 --> 00:52:58,509
JILL: What happened?
1451
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,469
Jalapeños! Jalapeños!
Jalapeños?
1452
00:53:00,552 --> 00:53:02,099
Did I get it?
1453
00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:04,815
Jalapeños.
1454
00:53:05,224 --> 00:53:06,726
Go! Run!
1455
00:53:07,059 --> 00:53:08,777
(LAUGHING)
1456
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:15,822
Shoot that! Shoot that!
1457
00:53:19,738 --> 00:53:20,739
(ALL CHEERING)
1458
00:53:20,823 --> 00:53:21,949
Goal!
1459
00:53:22,866 --> 00:53:24,368
Whoa!
1460
00:53:24,910 --> 00:53:26,412
(LAUGHING)
1461
00:53:28,664 --> 00:53:29,711
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1462
00:53:29,790 --> 00:53:32,088
It's not a guy.
1463
00:53:32,584 --> 00:53:34,427
Felipe, I love it!
1464
00:53:34,753 --> 00:53:36,130
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1465
00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:38,553
Hey, hey, hey.
1466
00:53:38,632 --> 00:53:40,134
AL: Hey, Mr. Popcorn.
1467
00:53:40,592 --> 00:53:42,014
Is that Al Pacino?
1468
00:53:42,094 --> 00:53:43,767
Are you kidding me?
How you doing?
1469
00:53:43,846 --> 00:53:45,564
Listen, I got a little
something here
1470
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:47,687
for Ms. Sadelstein.
1471
00:53:48,100 --> 00:53:49,693
My God, she's not
here right now.
1472
00:53:49,768 --> 00:53:51,486
Oh, that's our loss, isn't it?
1473
00:53:51,812 --> 00:53:55,066
Have you any idea when she
might be coming home'?
1474
00:53:55,149 --> 00:53:56,526
Hopefully soon.
1475
00:53:56,608 --> 00:53:58,326
You know what, I hope so.
I'm waiting on her, too.
1476
00:53:58,819 --> 00:54:00,241
And I wanted to tell you, Al,
1477
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:01,617
if she wasn't receptive
the other night...
1478
00:54:03,949 --> 00:54:05,371
Oh, my God!
I know she's in here, Popcorn.
1479
00:54:05,492 --> 00:54:07,745
How'd you get over the fence?
Jill, come on!
1480
00:54:07,828 --> 00:54:09,751
You want me to get you
something to eat or...
1481
00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:12,424
All I want to do
is make you happy!
1482
00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:13,716
Uh-huh. I want to see you.
1483
00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:15,920
I want to know that you exist.
1484
00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:18,131
That I'm not just
imagining you!
1485
00:54:18,297 --> 00:54:19,674
Al, she really isn't here.
1486
00:54:19,757 --> 00:54:20,758
Uh, for real
1487
00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:22,684
This it? Yeah.
1488
00:54:23,135 --> 00:54:24,261
She sleeps here?
1489
00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:25,516
She does. She sleeps there.
1490
00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:29,983
Ooh, God, sorry you
have to see that.
1491
00:54:30,517 --> 00:54:31,643
She sleeps with someone?
1492
00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:33,362
No, no, no, no, that's a bird.
1493
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,067
That's not a human.
No problems.
1494
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:36,941
Look at this.
1495
00:54:37,024 --> 00:54:38,901
Isn't that something? Yeah.
1496
00:54:38,984 --> 00:54:40,361
How does this happen?
1497
00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:42,241
Al, I wouldn't lay there.
1498
00:54:42,321 --> 00:54:43,948
That's not, uh...
1499
00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:46,534
(SIGHING)
1500
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,037
She leaves an after-scent.
1501
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:52,293
Hey, Popcorn, you know,
1502
00:54:52,372 --> 00:54:54,795
you're not really giving me
any confidence here.
1503
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:56,126
About what? Where is she?
1504
00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:57,553
Al, I don't know where...
1505
00:54:57,628 --> 00:54:58,629
Where you hiding her?
1506
00:54:58,712 --> 00:54:59,759
She's coming back,
she just is not
1507
00:54:59,838 --> 00:55:01,385
here right... Hey, Jill!
1508
00:55:01,465 --> 00:55:03,308
Lot of places to hide.
Hey, Jill!
1509
00:55:03,675 --> 00:55:05,894
Al, she's coming back,
I swear to you.
1510
00:55:05,969 --> 00:55:08,222
She got an 8:00 flight
tonight, so I promise.
1511
00:55:08,555 --> 00:55:09,681
What? She's leaving'?
1512
00:55:10,390 --> 00:55:11,391
Uh...
1513
00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:13,686
Come here.
1514
00:55:13,894 --> 00:55:14,941
Come to you?
1515
00:55:15,020 --> 00:55:16,897
Yeah, come, come.
We gotta talk.
1516
00:55:17,564 --> 00:55:18,861
Yeah.
1517
00:55:20,692 --> 00:55:21,909
You want to turn my name into
1518
00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:24,488
some coffee-drink
chocolate-doughnut thing'?
1519
00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:25,663
Well, yeah.
1520
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:27,116
Tastefully, though. I think...
1521
00:55:27,199 --> 00:55:28,621
Then you get me the girl.
1522
00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:29,956
Get you the girl?
1523
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:32,208
Get me the girl.
1524
00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:35,003
"Get" is a strong word.
1525
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:36,675
'Cause this is my sister
we're talking about.
1526
00:55:36,917 --> 00:55:38,134
You don't understand!
1527
00:55:38,210 --> 00:55:39,257
Well, I want to understand.
1528
00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:40,428
You don't understand!
1529
00:55:40,504 --> 00:55:42,848
Go ahead, go ahead.
Tell me what I need to know.
1530
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:44,721
Your sister and I... Yeah?
1531
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,928
We grew up on the same streets.
1532
00:55:47,219 --> 00:55:48,687
We breathed the same Bronx air.
1533
00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:49,809
Yes, yes, yes.
1534
00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:53,108
When I look at her, I see me.
1535
00:55:53,809 --> 00:55:55,732
When I look at her,
I see me, too. Just...
1536
00:55:55,811 --> 00:55:57,028
I know what you mean.
1537
00:55:57,271 --> 00:55:59,273
I see what I was.
1538
00:56:02,401 --> 00:56:04,745
I'm lost, Popcorn.
1539
00:56:05,654 --> 00:56:06,780
I am.
1540
00:56:06,947 --> 00:56:09,120
I go visit my kids,
1541
00:56:09,741 --> 00:56:11,414
I can't find them.
1542
00:56:11,952 --> 00:56:13,875
Lend up talking to lemon trees.
1543
00:56:14,830 --> 00:56:16,082
You know what? I'm lost now.
1544
00:56:16,164 --> 00:56:17,165
What does...
1545
00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:18,216
Jill... Yes?
1546
00:56:18,292 --> 00:56:19,509
Is going to get me there.
1547
00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:21,212
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1548
00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:22,797
I just want a shot.
1549
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,473
You understand?
Let's get you a shot.
1550
00:56:24,798 --> 00:56:26,391
Right.
Only way to get you a shot
1551
00:56:26,466 --> 00:56:30,346
is to have my sister stay
even longer out here,
1552
00:56:30,429 --> 00:56:32,648
which is amazing news for me.
1553
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:36,526
JILL: It's so warm to
be the holiday season.
1554
00:56:36,602 --> 00:56:40,232
But thank you.
I really had an amazing time.
1555
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,107
Too bad you're
taking off tonight.
1556
00:56:42,357 --> 00:56:44,405
I... Well, I have to.
He's abusive to me.
1557
00:56:44,484 --> 00:56:47,033
Not physically, 'cause I would
hurt him, but mentally.
1558
00:56:47,112 --> 00:56:49,410
And, it's time to go. I know.
1559
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,079
Maybe next time you're...
(STOMACH GURGLING)
1560
00:56:54,244 --> 00:56:56,588
Maybe next time you're
here, if you ever...
1561
00:56:56,663 --> 00:56:57,710
(STOMACH GURGLING)
1562
00:56:58,123 --> 00:57:00,342
Yes? That's... What?
If I ever what?
1563
00:57:00,626 --> 00:57:03,095
Well, maybe next time
you're here, if...
1564
00:57:03,170 --> 00:57:04,422
(STOMACH GURGLING)
1565
00:57:04,671 --> 00:57:07,550
Your engine...
Your engine seems to be...
1566
00:57:07,633 --> 00:57:09,260
It's a diesel truck,
I'm guessing, right'?
1567
00:57:09,343 --> 00:57:10,435
No. Uh...
1568
00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:11,929
If you ever want to see
a movie or something...
1569
00:57:12,012 --> 00:57:13,434
(STOMACH GURGLING) Oh, my God.
1570
00:57:13,513 --> 00:57:16,062
(FARTS) Okay. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, just hold the thought.
1571
00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:17,814
I have... I have to go!
1572
00:57:17,893 --> 00:57:19,440
I have to really go!
What did I say'?
1573
00:57:19,519 --> 00:57:22,363
Oh, no, it's not you,
it's the chimichangas!
1574
00:57:23,106 --> 00:57:25,200
They're making a run
for the border!
1575
00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:28,779
Oh, you're throwing
chimichanga bombs? (LAUGHS)
1576
00:57:29,196 --> 00:57:30,869
Oh! Oh, God!
1577
00:57:31,365 --> 00:57:33,242
Jill, where were you?
1578
00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:34,869
(MOANING)
1579
00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:36,704
Aw, she's not talking
to us still, I guess.
1580
00:57:36,870 --> 00:57:39,919
I am not talking to you!
I am talking to Erin!
1581
00:57:39,998 --> 00:57:42,922
Erin, I got to go make
some chocolate squirties!
1582
00:57:43,001 --> 00:57:44,218
Oh, God!
1583
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:46,262
Oh! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
1584
00:57:46,338 --> 00:57:47,885
Oh, please get there. Yes.
1585
00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:51,472
Hey, Jill, can I talk
to you for a second?
1586
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:55,146
No! My bags are packed
and there's nothing left to...
1587
00:57:55,222 --> 00:57:57,270
(PARTS) ...say.
1588
00:57:57,349 --> 00:57:58,601
(LOUD FART)
1589
00:57:58,684 --> 00:58:00,311
I spent the day
at Felipe's picnic,
1590
00:58:00,394 --> 00:58:01,941
where I finally felt welcome.
1591
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:03,067
(FARTS LOUDLY)
1592
00:58:03,146 --> 00:58:04,238
By everybody.
1593
00:58:04,856 --> 00:58:08,110
I tried this new food
for the very first time.
1594
00:58:08,193 --> 00:58:11,823
(FARTING)
1595
00:58:12,072 --> 00:58:13,619
I'm guessing Mexican?
1596
00:58:14,241 --> 00:58:17,541
Yes, Mexican,
Mr. Food Detective!
1597
00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:19,496
And Felipe treated me like a...
1598
00:58:19,579 --> 00:58:21,673
(CONTINUAL SPUTTERING FARTS)
1599
00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:23,671
What, is Evel Knievel
doing wheelies in there?
1600
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:25,423
(STAMMERS)
1601
00:58:26,086 --> 00:58:27,303
(TOILET FLUSHES)
1602
00:58:27,838 --> 00:58:29,681
Hey, so I just wanted to
talk to you about last night
1603
00:58:29,756 --> 00:58:31,599
and everything, and...
1604
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:32,722
Oh, my God.
1605
00:58:33,552 --> 00:58:35,429
Wow, I, uh...
1606
00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,101
(SIGHS)
1607
00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:41,901
I was thinking about last night
1608
00:58:41,977 --> 00:58:43,900
and all that stuff
you were saying, and...
1609
00:58:45,188 --> 00:58:46,235
Are you hot or something?
1610
00:58:46,398 --> 00:58:48,241
I just have to, uh...
1611
00:58:48,608 --> 00:58:50,360
God Almighty!
1612
00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:53,621
I would love for you to
stay a few extra days.
1613
00:58:53,697 --> 00:58:54,823
No, I'm going home.
1614
00:58:54,906 --> 00:58:57,034
I already told them to turn
my electricity back on.
1615
00:58:57,576 --> 00:58:59,920
You can't be alone on...
1616
00:58:59,995 --> 00:59:01,417
You can't be alone
on New Year's.
1617
00:59:01,496 --> 00:59:03,214
Come on, that's just not right.
1618
00:59:03,290 --> 00:59:04,883
You want me to stay that long'?
1619
00:59:04,958 --> 00:59:06,960
I thought you were going
on your big cruise.
1620
00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:12,016
Jill, I want you to come
1621
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:15,970
on the cruise with us.
1622
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:19,473
Pagogo, I can't believe it.
Of course I'll come with you.
1623
00:59:19,806 --> 00:59:23,026
Thank you! Yes! I mean, of...
You want... Yes!
1624
00:59:23,477 --> 00:59:25,855
(KIDS CHEERING)
Yes! Oh... Oh, my God!
1625
00:59:25,937 --> 00:59:28,565
Poopsie, Poopsie, we're
cruising through Europe!
1626
00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:34,989
(VACATION PLAYING)
1627
00:59:35,947 --> 00:59:37,870
Welcome to Royal
Caribbean International.
1628
00:59:42,454 --> 00:59:46,425
♪ Vacation, all I ever wanted
Vacation, had to get away ♪
1629
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:49,800
Oh, Poopsie, we're not
in the Bronx any more.
1630
00:59:50,128 --> 00:59:52,176
This boat has everything!
Oh, my God!
1631
00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:54,049
TODD: Hello?
What took you so long to pick up'?
1632
00:59:54,341 --> 00:59:56,264
Jack, Pacino's called
here three times.
1633
00:59:56,343 --> 00:59:58,266
What do you want me to tell the
Dunkin' Donuts people, all right'?
1634
00:59:58,345 --> 01:00:00,939
We got five days, Jack, to get
Scarface or they move on.
1635
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:02,273
I know, I know.
1636
01:00:02,390 --> 01:00:05,064
Oh, my God!
There's a pool on a boat?
1637
01:00:05,519 --> 01:00:07,192
Do you want me to get AI
Pacino on the phone now'?
1638
01:00:07,521 --> 01:00:10,274
Tell Pacino I'll call him
tonight at 5:30, okay'?
1639
01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:12,030
And just one more thing.
Yeah, what?
1640
01:00:12,484 --> 01:00:14,703
God told me your feet were
on my desk, so get them off!
1641
01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:24,963
All you can eat.
1642
01:00:25,038 --> 01:00:26,585
Go for it, Poopsie.
1643
01:00:26,665 --> 01:00:27,791
Have a chocolate bath.
1644
01:00:27,874 --> 01:00:29,171
(GURGLING) Where were you?
1645
01:00:29,376 --> 01:00:30,923
(ALARM BEEPS)
Oh! All right, it's 5:30.
1646
01:00:31,002 --> 01:00:32,629
I got to make a call. To who?
1647
01:00:32,712 --> 01:00:35,966
Uh, I got one last business
call to make and then
1648
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,801
that's it for me.
I love you. Be back.
1649
01:00:41,054 --> 01:00:44,433
Amongst this princely heap,
if any here,
1650
01:00:44,516 --> 01:00:46,189
by false intelligence...
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
1651
01:00:46,852 --> 01:00:48,024
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
1652
01:00:49,271 --> 01:00:50,523
Hold me a foe
1653
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:53,283
if I unwittingly...
(RINGING CONTINUES)
1654
01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:58,747
or in my rage, committed
aught that is hardly borne
1655
01:00:58,822 --> 01:01:02,827
by any in this princely
presence, I do reconcile
1656
01:01:03,201 --> 01:01:06,580
(RINGING CONTINUES)
myself to his friendly peace.
1657
01:01:08,540 --> 01:01:10,588
'Tis death to me
to be at enmity,
1658
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:13,303
and desire all good men's love.
1659
01:01:13,879 --> 01:01:15,256
Where were you, Popcorn?
1660
01:01:15,589 --> 01:01:16,761
What do you mean? It's 5:30.
1661
01:01:16,965 --> 01:01:20,595
No, no, it's 9:30 my time.
I was waiting for you at 5:30.
1662
01:01:20,886 --> 01:01:22,513
Oh, it's four hours
the other way.
1663
01:01:22,596 --> 01:01:24,348
I just... I got confused. I...
1664
01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:25,850
Okay, whatever,
whatever, whatever.
1665
01:01:25,932 --> 01:01:27,479
What's going on?
How's she doing'?
1666
01:01:27,893 --> 01:01:30,271
We're, uh, we're, uh, we're coming along.
That's how we're doing.
1667
01:01:30,812 --> 01:01:32,155
Coming along?
What does that mean, "coming along"?
1668
01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:34,198
What does that mean?
MAN: Come on, wrap it up!
1669
01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:36,864
It means we're getting there.
1670
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,240
We just need
a little more time.
1671
01:01:38,612 --> 01:01:40,740
Put her on the phone.
I want to hear her voice.
1672
01:01:40,822 --> 01:01:42,039
Ah, she's not here right now.
1673
01:01:42,115 --> 01:01:44,584
This reminds me of that
boat movie with Leonardo.
1674
01:01:45,076 --> 01:01:47,499
ERIN: Titanic?
JILL: No, the one with the iceberg.
1675
01:01:47,579 --> 01:01:49,832
Who is that?
That was, uh, Poopsie.
1676
01:01:50,165 --> 01:01:51,712
Why won't you let me talk...
(MURMURING)
1677
01:01:51,791 --> 01:01:53,714
Hey, can you... You got to be quiet.
I can't hear him!
1678
01:01:53,793 --> 01:01:55,466
All right? Please. Please!
1679
01:01:55,879 --> 01:01:57,927
Yeah, listen,
you get me this girl,
1680
01:01:58,423 --> 01:02:01,142
or you don't get that Dunkaccino
commercial, you understand?
1681
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:03,015
Don't you know me?
1682
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,939
Don't you know
I would use all my power,
1683
01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:07,266
all the power I have,
1684
01:02:07,349 --> 01:02:09,317
to keep a commercial
like that from happening'?
1685
01:02:09,643 --> 01:02:10,735
Don't you know that?
1686
01:02:10,977 --> 01:02:13,230
Is he seriously breaking
out The Godfather?
1687
01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:15,482
I swear to God,
I'm going to cry.
1688
01:02:15,732 --> 01:02:17,200
Put her on!
1689
01:02:17,484 --> 01:02:19,578
(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Put her on!
1690
01:02:19,653 --> 01:02:20,825
(VOCIFEROUS SHOUTS) Pacino!
1691
01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:22,030
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
1692
01:02:22,113 --> 01:02:23,831
Hang on for a second.
I'll put her on.
1693
01:02:26,034 --> 01:02:27,081
(MIMICKING JILL) Hello'?
1694
01:02:27,619 --> 01:02:30,543
Jill, my darling,
just to hear your voice.
1695
01:02:30,956 --> 01:02:33,175
What are they doing?
Why are they trying to keep us apart?
1696
01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:35,252
Nobody's keeping
me apart from anybody.
1697
01:02:35,335 --> 01:02:37,087
I'm my own person.
You remember that.
1698
01:02:37,170 --> 01:02:38,467
Oh, I know
you're your own person.
1699
01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:40,010
Nobody's like you.
1700
01:02:40,340 --> 01:02:41,341
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
1701
01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:43,518
Would you like
a little privacy?
1702
01:02:43,593 --> 01:02:44,765
I could finish up for you.
1703
01:02:44,844 --> 01:02:45,936
No, no, it's okay. It's okay.
1704
01:02:46,012 --> 01:02:49,141
Nobody wants to see you.
But thanks, anyway.
1705
01:02:49,683 --> 01:02:50,684
Jill.
1706
01:02:51,309 --> 01:02:53,186
Can you meet me
when you dock in Spain'?
1707
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:55,568
But what about
your Shakespeare show'?
1708
01:02:55,647 --> 01:02:56,864
Don't you have that to do?
1709
01:02:57,190 --> 01:02:58,362
You kidding? This is L.A.
1710
01:02:58,441 --> 01:03:00,239
They got Bruce Jenner
playing Lord Rivers.
1711
01:03:02,404 --> 01:03:03,997
Yeah, I don't think so.
1712
01:03:04,281 --> 01:03:05,749
Darling, put your brother on.
1713
01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:07,041
Okay. Here he is.
1714
01:03:07,492 --> 01:03:08,789
(NORMAL VOICE)
Hello. Jack's back.
1715
01:03:08,994 --> 01:03:12,089
Popcorn, we did it! We did it!
1716
01:03:12,163 --> 01:03:13,415
I'm coming,
I'm coming to get her!
1717
01:03:13,832 --> 01:03:16,085
You're coming to get her?
She just said, "I don't think so," I thought.
1718
01:03:16,501 --> 01:03:18,344
I can smell horny
across an ocean.
1719
01:03:18,420 --> 01:03:19,512
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
1720
01:03:19,713 --> 01:03:20,965
Here's how
it's going to go down.
1721
01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:24,385
9:00 p.m. tomorrow,
top deck, portside.
1722
01:03:24,926 --> 01:03:26,052
I'll be there.
1723
01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:28,021
(MOANS QUIETLY)
1724
01:03:28,388 --> 01:03:29,981
Audience, could you
tell me where I was?
1725
01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:31,433
WOMAN: "But he, poor soul."
1726
01:03:31,516 --> 01:03:33,644
But he, poor soul,
1727
01:03:33,727 --> 01:03:35,980
by your first order died.
1728
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:38,235
ANNOUNCER OVER PA:
Good afternoon, passengers.
1729
01:03:38,315 --> 01:03:40,943
Hope you all are enjoying our
Royal Caribbean activities.
1730
01:03:41,026 --> 01:03:42,824
And for those of you
going ashore later,
1731
01:03:42,902 --> 01:03:45,655
we will be arriving in
beautiful Majorca by sunset.
1732
01:03:45,739 --> 01:03:47,707
ERIN: Come on, sweetie. Go!
1733
01:03:47,907 --> 01:03:49,534
Jump! Jump!
1734
01:03:49,743 --> 01:03:51,996
JILL: Oh, no, no, she's good.
1735
01:03:52,078 --> 01:03:54,251
Pagogo, why don't these guys
know how to jump rope?
1736
01:03:54,331 --> 01:03:55,332
Why didn't you teach them?
1737
01:03:55,415 --> 01:03:57,543
We were the double dutch
kings in our neighborhood,
1738
01:03:57,625 --> 01:03:59,377
and these guys can't
do a single wing-ding.
1739
01:03:59,461 --> 01:04:01,054
Daddy, you know
how to jump rope'?
1740
01:04:01,171 --> 01:04:02,673
No, I don't know
how to jump rope
1741
01:04:02,756 --> 01:04:03,928
Your father likes to pretend
1742
01:04:04,007 --> 01:04:05,680
his life started in California.
1743
01:04:05,759 --> 01:04:07,727
We were champs.
Everyone loved us in the neighborhood.
1744
01:04:07,802 --> 01:04:09,145
Come on, Daddy, please.
1745
01:04:09,429 --> 01:04:10,555
No. No, no. Bring it over here!
1746
01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:12,607
CiCi, Rodney, kick it!
1747
01:04:12,891 --> 01:04:15,189
Get up here. Get up here.
I, uh...
1748
01:04:15,268 --> 01:04:17,487
Do it, do it. Yes!
1749
01:04:17,562 --> 01:04:20,190
Oh! JILL: Let's go! Come on!
1750
01:04:20,273 --> 01:04:22,241
Here's the twin power.
Bring it!
1751
01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:23,694
Oh, my God. Okay.
1752
01:04:23,777 --> 01:04:25,996
(IT'S TRICKY PLAYING)
1753
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:27,622
(PEOPLE GASPING)
1754
01:04:28,073 --> 01:04:29,040
WOW!
1755
01:04:29,115 --> 01:04:30,207
Do "The Mummy."
1756
01:04:30,408 --> 01:04:31,785
(CHEERING)
1757
01:04:31,910 --> 01:04:33,127
(LAUGHING)
1758
01:04:33,453 --> 01:04:34,921
Come on, turn up the heat.
1759
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:37,381
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme
1760
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:39,209
♪ To rock a rhyme
That's right on time
1761
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:41,010
♪ It's tricky, tricky, huh! I
1762
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:43,217
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
1763
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:47,346
(LAUGHING)
1764
01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:49,011
That was all your father.
1765
01:04:49,135 --> 01:04:50,227
That was you!
1766
01:04:50,303 --> 01:04:51,555
You were great, Pokee.
1767
01:04:51,721 --> 01:04:52,893
Now she's Pokee?
1768
01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:54,064
She's always been Pokee.
1769
01:04:54,140 --> 01:04:56,984
I was thinking,
tonight, portside,
1770
01:04:57,060 --> 01:04:59,904
you could go on that deck,
check out the stars,
1771
01:04:59,979 --> 01:05:01,856
put on something gorgeous,
'cause there might be
1772
01:05:01,940 --> 01:05:03,692
a handsome surprise
waiting for you.
1773
01:05:03,775 --> 01:05:06,244
Oh, really? You going to
introduce me to my Mr. Right?
1774
01:05:06,694 --> 01:05:08,321
Uh, maybe.
1775
01:05:08,655 --> 01:05:10,077
Oh, really?
1776
01:05:10,156 --> 01:05:13,251
It's not Al Pacino, is it?
1777
01:05:13,326 --> 01:05:14,919
Why, is it Al Pacino?
1778
01:05:14,994 --> 01:05:16,416
No, no, it's not.
1779
01:05:16,663 --> 01:05:18,131
'Cause that would just
hurt me at this point.
1780
01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:19,423
But it's not, so...
1781
01:05:19,749 --> 01:05:22,502
Treating me like some sort
of prosti-twin, that's bad.
1782
01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:25,680
It's not. It's not. It's not.
It's not, all right?
1783
01:05:25,755 --> 01:05:27,348
All right! Then why are
you getting so angry?
1784
01:05:27,424 --> 01:05:28,767
Why are you so annoying?
1785
01:05:28,967 --> 01:05:29,968
JILL: What? Jack!
1786
01:05:30,051 --> 01:05:32,349
Why would you say that?
We were just having fun!
1787
01:05:32,429 --> 01:05:34,898
We never have fun when you're around!
I'm sorry!
1788
01:05:35,014 --> 01:05:38,109
Oh, no, no! You... This is you, man!
This is on you! Go, go!
1789
01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:39,686
You're out of your mind!
You're out of your mind!
1790
01:05:39,769 --> 01:05:42,067
JACK: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
(SQUAWKS DRUNKENLY)
1791
01:05:45,358 --> 01:05:47,326
Let's see. Pit stain.
1792
01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:50,037
Pit stain.
1793
01:05:51,990 --> 01:05:53,082
I don't know what that is.
1794
01:05:54,033 --> 01:05:55,706
Okay, clean.
1795
01:06:01,875 --> 01:06:04,799
You tell anybody, I will
fry you up and eat you.
1796
01:06:04,878 --> 01:06:05,879
(SQUAWKS) Huh'?
1797
01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:06,963
Yeah.
1798
01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:13,075
(SIGHS)
1799
01:07:21,454 --> 01:07:23,172
All right, where is he, man?
1800
01:07:23,248 --> 01:07:24,841
He said portside, I'm portside.
1801
01:07:24,916 --> 01:07:26,509
Where am I supposed to be?
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
1802
01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:27,927
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
1803
01:07:28,962 --> 01:07:31,556
Cheesecake! Huh!
1804
01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:34,221
(MIMICKING JILL) Oh! Holy crap!
1805
01:07:34,634 --> 01:07:37,137
Just climb on
the ladder, there!
1806
01:07:37,762 --> 01:07:40,390
Don't you think maybe
you should land that thing?
1807
01:07:40,473 --> 01:07:42,100
That would be easier for me!
1808
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,898
It's safer to hover!
1809
01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:46,817
WOW!
1810
01:07:47,981 --> 01:07:50,404
Yeah! Whoa!
1811
01:07:50,483 --> 01:07:52,531
AL: Xavier, look at her go!
1812
01:08:00,660 --> 01:08:02,378
Ho! Lam back!
1813
01:08:02,453 --> 01:08:03,454
Ah...
1814
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:05,040
Señorita, I was gone too long?
1815
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:06,591
No, not at all.
1816
01:08:06,666 --> 01:08:08,418
It's, uh...
Really good to see you again.
1817
01:08:08,585 --> 01:08:11,464
So, what is different about
you tonight? I don't know.
1818
01:08:11,838 --> 01:08:13,715
Nothing. No, no, no, no.
1819
01:08:13,798 --> 01:08:15,721
There's something...
Did you drop some weight'?
1820
01:08:16,134 --> 01:08:17,727
Maybe that's it. Yeah, I'm looking thinner.
Yeah, I think so.
1821
01:08:17,802 --> 01:08:19,019
That's probably
what you're seeing.
1822
01:08:19,220 --> 01:08:21,439
I think you're more
feminine or something.
1823
01:08:21,514 --> 01:08:23,437
A little more... Less muscular.
1824
01:08:24,017 --> 01:08:26,736
I don't agree, but, uh... Okay.
1825
01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:28,187
(SPEAKING MOCK SPANISH)
1826
01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:29,898
Gloobledy globble bibbly blop.
1827
01:08:30,481 --> 01:08:32,575
Blobbledobble... gibbledy blip.
1828
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,823
Hibbledy globb, shoelace
1829
01:08:38,656 --> 01:08:40,954
This is the heavy, hard stuff
or how are we doing here?
1830
01:08:41,034 --> 01:08:42,206
What is this?
1831
01:08:42,535 --> 01:08:45,163
AL: One for the lady.
¡Qué lindo!
1832
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:46,372
That's enough for me.
1833
01:08:46,539 --> 01:08:47,586
Who's Poopsie?
1834
01:08:47,665 --> 01:08:49,338
I keep hearing,
"Poopsie, Poopsie."
1835
01:08:49,751 --> 01:08:51,253
Poopsie is my bird.
1836
01:08:51,544 --> 01:08:52,841
Ah?
1837
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:54,092
I used to raise pigeons.
1838
01:08:54,672 --> 01:08:55,969
Really? Yeah.
1839
01:08:56,049 --> 01:08:57,676
No, I'm sorry. That was Brando.
1840
01:08:58,051 --> 01:09:00,520
Oh! (GIGGLES)
1841
01:09:01,596 --> 01:09:02,643
Are you ticklish?
1842
01:09:02,722 --> 01:09:03,723
No.
1843
01:09:04,057 --> 01:09:05,650
Oh! I said I'm not, so...
1844
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:06,851
No, no, it's just that
1845
01:09:07,060 --> 01:09:10,234
Stella Adler, the great acting
teacher, once wrote in a book,
1846
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:13,692
the only way you can really get
to know somebody is if you,
1847
01:09:13,775 --> 01:09:17,120
uh, watch their behavior
when they're being tickled.
1848
01:09:17,487 --> 01:09:18,659
Would you do me the honor
1849
01:09:18,738 --> 01:09:20,615
and just lift up
those girlie arms'?
1850
01:09:20,907 --> 01:09:24,332
I just haven't shaved under
there in many, many years.
1851
01:09:24,410 --> 01:09:25,377
You don't want to see that.
1852
01:09:25,453 --> 01:09:27,171
We're in Europe.
It doesn't matter.
1853
01:09:27,246 --> 01:09:29,499
I think even here, they might
be, like, "What is that?"
1854
01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:32,631
No, no, not here.
Give me a try.
1855
01:09:32,877 --> 01:09:34,003
Okay, so, here we go.
1856
01:09:34,587 --> 01:09:35,804
Oh, my God.
1857
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:37,257
Ah! Look at us.
1858
01:09:37,590 --> 01:09:39,684
(MAKING GOOFY NOISES)
(GIGGLING)
1859
01:09:42,762 --> 01:09:43,763
(LAUGHS)
1860
01:09:44,764 --> 01:09:47,108
(NORMAL VOICE) All right!
Stop it! What?
1861
01:09:50,269 --> 01:09:51,361
What was that?
1862
01:09:51,729 --> 01:09:54,653
Just... (MIMICKING JILL) I don't really...
I didn't like that.
1863
01:09:54,732 --> 01:09:56,029
I'm sorry. That was powerful.
1864
01:09:56,109 --> 01:09:58,282
And it just came out
of you like, "Boom!"
1865
01:09:58,444 --> 01:09:59,912
(MUTTERING)
1866
01:10:00,238 --> 01:10:01,911
(BABBLING)
1867
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:04,208
You know, what?
We're better with just... Oh!
1868
01:10:04,283 --> 01:10:06,251
AL: Whoa. Whoa!
1869
01:10:07,453 --> 01:10:09,251
I don't even know
where Jack is right now.
1870
01:10:09,330 --> 01:10:12,254
He's avoiding me.
That's where he is.
1871
01:10:12,458 --> 01:10:13,630
Can I work in with you guys?
1872
01:10:14,377 --> 01:10:15,799
Sure. Knock yourself out.
1873
01:10:16,295 --> 01:10:18,718
I think he hates
'cause I talk so much.
1874
01:10:18,798 --> 01:10:20,641
It bothers him, you know?
1875
01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:22,435
But when I'm in the Bronx,
1876
01:10:22,510 --> 01:10:24,888
I have no one else
to talk to but Poopsie,
1877
01:10:24,971 --> 01:10:28,646
so when I'm around other humans, I...
I tend to blab a lot.
1878
01:10:28,850 --> 01:10:30,898
No, you don't. I do, I do.
1879
01:10:30,977 --> 01:10:33,230
Will you throw
a couple more 45s on'?
1880
01:10:33,312 --> 01:10:35,110
Erin, he was being
so nice to me,
1881
01:10:35,189 --> 01:10:37,032
and then I had to
bring up the Pacino thing,
1882
01:10:37,108 --> 01:10:38,325
because“. I don't know.
1883
01:10:38,401 --> 01:10:41,371
I do that. It's just 'cause
I'm insecure, you know'?
1884
01:10:41,446 --> 01:10:44,996
I feel like the only reason
he brought me on this cruise
1885
01:10:45,074 --> 01:10:47,497
is for some Pacino-related
shenanigans
1886
01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:49,170
and it just gets in my head.
1887
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:50,963
He told me he wanted you
to come on this cruise
1888
01:10:51,038 --> 01:10:53,132
because he didn't want you to
spend your first New Year's Eve
1889
01:10:53,207 --> 01:10:54,459
without your mom alone.
1890
01:10:55,084 --> 01:10:56,336
He said that?
1891
01:10:56,836 --> 01:10:57,837
Yeah.
1892
01:10:59,589 --> 01:11:01,933
Oh, my God, that
means so much to me.
1893
01:11:02,175 --> 01:11:05,304
Why didn't I use my twin
powers to know that?
1894
01:11:05,386 --> 01:11:07,935
Do they not work when
you're out of the country'?
1895
01:11:08,181 --> 01:11:09,228
Maybe they don't.
1896
01:11:09,515 --> 01:11:11,313
That's why he was mad!
1897
01:11:11,392 --> 01:11:14,191
'Cause he was being good to me, and I...
I did what I did
1898
01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:16,113
and I'm a jerk,
and I have to call him.
1899
01:11:16,272 --> 01:11:18,570
And I'm gonna straighten the
whole family vacation out,
1900
01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:20,364
I promise. This is so cool!
TRAINER: Push!
1901
01:11:20,735 --> 01:11:22,032
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
1902
01:11:23,279 --> 01:11:25,202
Push! Push harder!
1903
01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:27,617
I was pushing it!
1904
01:11:28,201 --> 01:11:29,874
(I'M A BELIEVER PLAYING)
1905
01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,998
(GRUNTING) Hey! Hey!
1906
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:36,880
All right! Al Pacino!
Al, Al Pacino!
1907
01:11:37,168 --> 01:11:39,512
Al Pacino! (LAUGHS)
Now you got it!
1908
01:11:39,587 --> 01:11:41,840
JACK: All right, let's have...
Here you go!
1909
01:11:42,173 --> 01:11:43,800
Boom! Ah, yeah!
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1910
01:11:43,925 --> 01:11:46,019
Oh, I always come on the short end of that.
I'm getting a call.
1911
01:11:46,093 --> 01:11:47,640
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
1912
01:11:47,970 --> 01:11:50,098
Hello. Hello?
1913
01:11:50,181 --> 01:11:51,273
Hello?
1914
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:52,980
I don't understand.
1915
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:54,936
Are you mocking
my voice right now'?
1916
01:11:55,061 --> 01:11:56,313
No, no, no, I'm not.
1917
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:57,988
I... I can't talk right now.
1918
01:11:58,356 --> 01:12:00,905
Okay, don't talk, then.
Just listen.
1919
01:12:01,275 --> 01:12:04,370
I just want
to tell you I'm sorry.
1920
01:12:04,445 --> 01:12:07,494
I'm... I'm the reason
we're fighting right now.
1921
01:12:07,573 --> 01:12:09,667
And... And I never
thank you enough
1922
01:12:09,742 --> 01:12:12,416
for doing all you do
for me, so thank you.
1923
01:12:12,620 --> 01:12:13,746
Who is that, your brother? Yeah.
1924
01:12:14,413 --> 01:12:15,505
Who is that, Jack?
1925
01:12:15,665 --> 01:12:17,383
That's, uh...
It's... It's nobody!
1926
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:21,338
Hey, Popcorn,
we're having fun here!
1927
01:12:22,129 --> 01:12:23,676
Are you with Al Pacino?
1928
01:12:23,798 --> 01:12:26,051
No, no, I'm not! I just...
1929
01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:28,010
I said I can't talk
right now, weirdo!
1930
01:12:28,636 --> 01:12:30,013
Please tell me you're not doing
1931
01:12:30,096 --> 01:12:31,268
what I think you're doing.
1932
01:12:31,681 --> 01:12:34,275
I said I can't talk,
so I'm hanging up!
1933
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:36,148
Jack, speak in
your regular voice
1934
01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:37,649
or I'll know the real reason
1935
01:12:37,728 --> 01:12:39,446
why you brought me
on this cruise.
1936
01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:40,989
I can't always do what you want
1937
01:12:41,065 --> 01:12:42,282
when you want it! Bye!
1938
01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:15,808
(GROANS)
1939
01:13:17,727 --> 01:13:19,570
I mean, come on!
1940
01:13:21,147 --> 01:13:23,024
AL: Hey, what's
Popcorn's problem'?
1941
01:13:23,357 --> 01:13:26,110
Mayor McCheesy doesn't
like his new script'?
1942
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:28,454
Oh, get over yourself.
1943
01:13:28,529 --> 01:13:30,827
My brother's very good
at what he does.
1944
01:13:30,990 --> 01:13:33,334
He's going to write a book
one day, you'll see.
1945
01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,707
Oh, yes, he's an author.
I forgot, that's right.
1946
01:13:35,786 --> 01:13:38,710
He's got a whole novel in him
about Desenex foot powder.
1947
01:13:38,998 --> 01:13:40,090
Ooh! Oh!
1948
01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:41,418
So funny.
1949
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:43,844
(GRUNTS) Okay. Yes.
1950
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:47,511
Oh, that's the Bronx girl
coming back.
1951
01:13:47,673 --> 01:13:51,348
Now, you take back what
you said about Pagogo!
1952
01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:53,179
Go ahead, do it.
1953
01:13:53,346 --> 01:13:54,598
Defend the honor
1954
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:58,310
of that self-deluded,
sycophantic, bitter hack.
1955
01:13:59,310 --> 01:14:00,402
(SCREAMS)
1956
01:14:00,478 --> 01:14:01,900
(GRUNTS)
1957
01:14:03,856 --> 01:14:05,779
Are you okay? Get off of me.
1958
01:14:06,150 --> 01:14:07,322
Okay. It's not okay.
1959
01:14:07,526 --> 01:14:08,778
I'm sorry.
1960
01:14:08,861 --> 01:14:09,953
I know... What could I do?
1961
01:14:10,029 --> 01:14:11,531
You know, you had that, uh...
1962
01:14:11,614 --> 01:14:13,161
You had a broken bottle
and were coming at me.
1963
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:14,457
Yeah, yeah, well,
get away from me.
1964
01:14:14,533 --> 01:14:15,910
AL: All right.
Just let me breathe for a second.
1965
01:14:15,993 --> 01:14:17,961
I just... I need my own space.
1966
01:14:18,245 --> 01:14:19,497
Back up.
Okay, all right, I'm backing up.
1967
01:14:19,580 --> 01:14:20,877
Back up! All right!
1968
01:14:20,957 --> 01:14:22,425
Oh, geez. Hey...
You don't hit a girl
1969
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:24,047
with a chair on the first date!
1970
01:14:24,502 --> 01:14:27,005
It's amazing
the way you stick up
1971
01:14:27,088 --> 01:14:29,182
for your brother. It's just...
1972
01:14:29,256 --> 01:14:30,303
Well, I got to do that.
1973
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:32,306
Don't I at least owe him that?
1974
01:14:32,385 --> 01:14:35,309
'Cause all I ever do is take things
from him and ruin things and...
1975
01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:36,731
Well, that's his point
of view, you know.
1976
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:39,685
I mean, that's the way
he makes you see yourself.
1977
01:14:40,559 --> 01:14:41,731
You want to know what I see?
1978
01:14:42,019 --> 01:14:43,191
Yes, I want to
know what you see.
1979
01:14:43,270 --> 01:14:44,692
You can get any girl
in the world,
1980
01:14:44,772 --> 01:14:45,864
and why would you want me?
1981
01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:47,362
Answer that. It makes no sense.
1982
01:14:49,318 --> 01:14:52,538
Well, I see an angel
with a broken wing.
1983
01:14:53,072 --> 01:14:55,495
I see a brother who
all he got all his life
1984
01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:57,167
was everything.
1985
01:14:57,410 --> 01:14:59,788
All the glory,
all the accolades,
1986
01:15:00,413 --> 01:15:02,006
everything since they were two.
1987
01:15:02,915 --> 01:15:08,422
I... I see a girl
who wants recognition
1988
01:15:09,088 --> 01:15:10,886
but just never gets it,
1989
01:15:10,965 --> 01:15:13,434
yet she has a heart so big,
1990
01:15:14,635 --> 01:15:16,057
she finds happiness
1991
01:15:17,430 --> 01:15:19,148
in seeing her brother
receive it all.
1992
01:15:20,766 --> 01:15:23,815
Yeah, yeah, but come on,
aren't I a pain in the butt?
1993
01:15:23,894 --> 01:15:26,568
I mean, don't I
annoy everybody?
1994
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:29,029
You got so much love
in you, Jill,
1995
01:15:29,108 --> 01:15:31,452
so much to give.
1996
01:15:31,986 --> 01:15:34,614
You just need someone
to give it to.
1997
01:15:38,492 --> 01:15:41,291
♪ To dream
1998
01:15:44,081 --> 01:15:46,300
♪ The impossible dream
1999
01:15:48,627 --> 01:15:50,470
♪ To fight
2000
01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:54,808
♪ The unbeatable foe
2001
01:15:55,426 --> 01:16:01,399
♪ To bear with
unbearable sorrow ♪
2002
01:16:01,766 --> 01:16:03,018
Dulcinea.
2003
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:05,148
(SOBBING) Dulci-what-a'?
2004
01:16:05,227 --> 01:16:08,777
You are Dulcinea from the
Broadway play they offered me
2005
01:16:09,231 --> 01:16:13,327
and I am the Man of La Mancha.
2006
01:16:13,486 --> 01:16:14,533
Oh.
2007
01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:15,996
You got me there.
2008
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,036
I'm taking the part!
2009
01:16:18,115 --> 01:16:19,458
What about my brother?
2010
01:16:19,533 --> 01:16:21,877
What do I do? What do I say'?
2011
01:16:21,994 --> 01:16:23,246
Ah, your brother.
2012
01:16:23,329 --> 01:16:25,752
Oh, I don't know there's
much you can do about him.
2013
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:26,957
I mean, not that
he doesn't love you.
2014
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:30,261
He loves you, I'm sure, but
it's a kind of deathbed love,
2015
01:16:30,544 --> 01:16:33,514
the kind of love he'll look
back on when it's too late.
2016
01:16:33,881 --> 01:16:34,928
Hey, listen, I'm gonna
do Man of La Mancha.
2017
01:16:35,007 --> 01:16:36,600
No, no, no, I got to fix it.
2018
01:16:36,675 --> 01:16:39,428
I got to fix it now,
now I got to fix it.
2019
01:16:39,512 --> 01:16:40,559
Hey, where are you going?
2020
01:16:40,638 --> 01:16:41,855
Back to the ship.
2021
01:16:42,014 --> 01:16:44,767
Would you stay if I did
your brother's commercial'?
2022
01:16:44,850 --> 01:16:46,397
Oh, the heck with
that commercial.
2023
01:16:46,477 --> 01:16:48,445
I'm going to see my womb-mate.
2024
01:16:49,522 --> 01:16:51,149
(HELICOPTER HOVERING)
2025
01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:53,030
(NORMAL VOICE) Come on,
come on, pick up the phone.
2026
01:16:53,109 --> 01:16:54,452
ELECTRONIC VOICE: You have
reached the voice mailbox of...
2027
01:16:54,527 --> 01:16:56,495
JILL: (ON RECORDING)
What is this? How do you...
2028
01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:58,322
ELECTRONIC VOICE: To leave
a voice message, press one.
2029
01:16:58,405 --> 01:16:59,531
Oh, God.
2030
01:17:00,866 --> 01:17:01,992
Jill!
2031
01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:05,296
Jill, open up!
2032
01:17:05,371 --> 01:17:06,463
Jack?
2033
01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:08,253
Um, what are you wearing?
2034
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:11,548
You were with Al Pacino,
weren't you?
2035
01:17:12,753 --> 01:17:14,881
Wow, you're good.
2036
01:17:15,214 --> 01:17:16,466
Jill was right.
2037
01:17:16,549 --> 01:17:18,051
You are a weirdo.
2038
01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:19,552
I know I am.
2039
01:17:19,885 --> 01:17:21,307
Where is she? Where's Jill?
2040
01:17:21,720 --> 01:17:24,644
She went home,
and nowl know why.
2041
01:17:25,766 --> 01:17:27,268
She went home?
2042
01:17:29,186 --> 01:17:31,814
Oh, God, what am I going to do?
2043
01:17:33,774 --> 01:17:39,076
♪ Good-bye, good-bye
2044
01:17:39,530 --> 01:17:42,909
♪ Good-bye, my love
2045
01:17:44,869 --> 01:17:47,748
♪ I can't hide
2046
01:17:47,997 --> 01:17:50,591
♪ Can't hide
2047
01:17:50,833 --> 01:17:54,838
♪ Can't hide what has come
2048
01:17:55,254 --> 01:17:56,801
MAN: Happy New Year!
2049
01:17:56,881 --> 01:17:58,178
WOMAN: Happy New Year!
2050
01:17:58,257 --> 01:18:02,683
♪ I have to go
2051
01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:06,140
♪ And leave you alone
2052
01:18:06,390 --> 01:18:08,893
♪ But always know
2053
01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:14,194
♪ Always know
2054
01:18:15,065 --> 01:18:19,115
Going in alone is fine,
Mom, and I'm not alone.
2055
01:18:19,195 --> 01:18:20,663
I'm with you.
2056
01:18:25,159 --> 01:18:27,457
♪ Good-bye
2057
01:18:27,953 --> 01:18:30,251
♪ Good-bye ♪
2058
01:18:30,372 --> 01:18:32,295
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
2059
01:18:32,708 --> 01:18:34,927
Hey, well, guess what,
I'm not wearing underwear.
2060
01:18:35,002 --> 01:18:36,049
It's New Year's Eve.
2061
01:18:36,128 --> 01:18:37,721
(ALL LAUGHING)
2062
01:18:37,796 --> 01:18:39,218
Let's have some fun.
2063
01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:46,980
Yo, you guys.
Is that Jill Sadelstein?
2064
01:18:48,224 --> 01:18:49,897
She was absolutely
the biggest loser
2065
01:18:49,975 --> 01:18:51,522
in our high school.
2066
01:18:51,602 --> 01:18:53,650
I mean, didn't she marry that
bird and move to the jungle?
2067
01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:54,901
(ALL LAUGHING)
2068
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:58,401
OMG, she's here alone tonight.
2069
01:18:58,484 --> 01:19:00,157
The loserness continues.
2070
01:19:00,236 --> 01:19:01,658
(ALL LAUGHING)
2071
01:19:02,863 --> 01:19:04,080
Hey, Jill.
2072
01:19:05,407 --> 01:19:07,409
Oh, hey! Happy New Year, guys
2073
01:19:07,493 --> 01:19:08,995
Where you been hiding, hon?
2074
01:19:09,286 --> 01:19:12,961
I was visiting my brother
for Thanksgiving, and he...
2075
01:19:13,040 --> 01:19:15,759
I just decided to stay out
there with him for a while.
2076
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:17,803
Yeah, he must have loved that.
2077
01:19:17,878 --> 01:19:18,879
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
2078
01:19:18,963 --> 01:19:22,513
For your information, Carol,
he begged me to stay,
2079
01:19:22,591 --> 01:19:25,390
but I'm just too exhausted
from being on game shows
2080
01:19:25,469 --> 01:19:27,642
and dating movie stars.
2081
01:19:27,721 --> 01:19:30,019
Oh, who'd you hook up
with, Rob Schneider?
2082
01:19:30,099 --> 01:19:31,271
(ALL LAUGHING)
2083
01:19:31,350 --> 01:19:32,567
I like him.
2084
01:19:32,768 --> 01:19:34,862
God, you're hot. (MONICA SIGHS)
2085
01:19:34,937 --> 01:19:36,610
You know, I don't like
to kiss and tell,
2086
01:19:36,689 --> 01:19:40,410
but I was with Sir Al
Pacino for a whole night.
2087
01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,370
Aw, honey, it must
not have worked out
2088
01:19:43,445 --> 01:19:44,867
since you're all alone tonight.
2089
01:19:44,989 --> 01:19:46,161
Yeah. Aren't you'?
2090
01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:47,958
JACK: She's not alone.
2091
01:19:48,284 --> 01:19:49,536
She's with her family.
2092
01:19:50,244 --> 01:19:51,996
Jack? Jill.
2093
01:19:52,288 --> 01:19:53,710
What are you doing here?
2094
01:19:53,789 --> 01:19:55,132
(WHISPERING) That's Jack.
2095
01:19:55,207 --> 01:19:57,335
I just... I realized
2096
01:19:58,043 --> 01:20:00,592
there's something that I...
I want to tell you so much.
2097
01:20:00,671 --> 01:20:03,390
I just... I don't
know how to say...
2098
01:20:05,009 --> 01:20:06,101
What?
2099
01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:10,644
Ook maga do do, Pokee.
2100
01:20:10,889 --> 01:20:12,015
Oh, my God.
2101
01:20:12,099 --> 01:20:16,400
Ook maga do do blarda,
blarda, blarda.
2102
01:20:16,854 --> 01:20:20,734
Mama Pandoree bon Papa
Pandoree long bada-bada.
2103
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:23,656
Bada-Bada, I know.
2104
01:20:23,902 --> 01:20:25,745
JACK: Pagogo Tu lray
2105
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,994
Nah ee Pokee Para mee.
2106
01:20:30,743 --> 01:20:32,586
But most important,
2107
01:20:33,412 --> 01:20:34,584
Bongi
2108
01:20:35,914 --> 01:20:38,167
Bongi que Mahjongee.
2109
01:20:39,209 --> 01:20:41,758
Of course, I love those guys.
2110
01:20:41,837 --> 01:20:45,717
Bongi para rumpernickel
pumpernickel.
2111
01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:48,348
That's freaking beautiful.
2112
01:20:48,427 --> 01:20:50,475
(SOBBING) It's just
Just beautiful.
2113
01:20:50,763 --> 01:20:52,060
Para Kaya!
2114
01:20:52,139 --> 01:20:53,482
(LAUGHING)
2115
01:20:54,099 --> 01:20:55,772
Ook maga do do.
2116
01:20:56,518 --> 01:20:59,692
Coodlee me, coodlee me.
2117
01:21:00,689 --> 01:21:05,160
I'm so happy, so happy...
2118
01:21:05,235 --> 01:21:06,487
(MOUTHING) Thank you.
2119
01:21:11,784 --> 01:21:13,457
So, what, are you,
like, his wife?
2120
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:15,086
Is that Monica?
2121
01:21:15,454 --> 01:21:17,707
Yeah. Hi, I'm... I'm Erin.
Nice to meet you.
2122
01:21:18,499 --> 01:21:20,922
Well, I guess he settled
for second best.
2123
01:21:21,251 --> 01:21:24,846
Because I dumped his sorry
butt in high school.
2124
01:21:25,130 --> 01:21:27,132
(ALL LAUGHING) Yes, I did.
2125
01:21:27,466 --> 01:21:28,513
Don't worry, Erin.
2126
01:21:28,592 --> 01:21:30,515
They used to call her
"The Cheese Tray"
2127
01:21:30,594 --> 01:21:32,722
'cause she got passed
around at all the parties.
2128
01:21:33,305 --> 01:21:34,978
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2129
01:21:35,057 --> 01:21:36,149
Oh, we're getting busy.
2130
01:21:36,308 --> 01:21:37,560
I'm right here.
2131
01:21:38,435 --> 01:21:40,108
(SCREAMS) What are you doing?
2132
01:21:40,604 --> 01:21:41,696
(ERIN SQUEALING)
2133
01:21:42,064 --> 01:21:43,862
(ALL SHOUTING) What did I do?
2134
01:21:44,233 --> 01:21:45,735
Don't you touch
my sister-in-law.
2135
01:21:45,859 --> 01:21:47,577
Knock her out,
Jill, knock her out!
2136
01:21:47,653 --> 01:21:48,825
(ALL SHOUTING)
2137
01:21:48,904 --> 01:21:50,281
Oh, my God! You okay?
2138
01:21:50,364 --> 01:21:51,991
(JILL SCREAMING)
2139
01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:53,496
ALL: Oh!
2140
01:21:54,118 --> 01:21:55,415
(ALL GASP)
2141
01:21:55,494 --> 01:21:56,837
Muleteers!
2142
01:21:58,539 --> 01:22:00,337
Prepare to do battle.
2143
01:22:01,875 --> 01:22:04,424
Oh, my God,
is that Colonel Sanders?
2144
01:22:05,129 --> 01:22:06,802
Al, what is this?
2145
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:07,927
Why do you look like that?
2146
01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:09,974
He... He's doing
Man of La Mancha now,
2147
01:22:10,050 --> 01:22:11,597
so he always stays
in character.
2148
01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:13,102
Milady.
2149
01:22:13,178 --> 01:22:15,601
Al, I'm so sorry.
2150
01:22:15,681 --> 01:22:18,400
I thought I made it clear,
we're not meant to be.
2151
01:22:18,851 --> 01:22:20,353
Pokee, Klapa!
2152
01:22:20,519 --> 01:22:21,486
(GRUNTS)
2153
01:22:21,562 --> 01:22:24,532
(ALL GASP) It's...
It's not you, it's me.
2154
01:22:24,731 --> 01:22:26,529
Dulcinea. Yes?
2155
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:30,905
Your purity befits a knight
more worthy than I.
2156
01:22:31,655 --> 01:22:32,998
Go to him.
2157
01:22:33,740 --> 01:22:34,912
He waits for you.
2158
01:22:35,159 --> 01:22:36,502
(STAMMERS)
2159
01:22:36,743 --> 01:22:38,290
Pagogo, where's the knight?
2160
01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:40,293
You'll just have to see
Jill, come on.
2161
01:22:40,372 --> 01:22:42,090
There's a knight?
Oh, my God, there's a knight?
2162
01:22:42,166 --> 01:22:44,464
Yeah, yeah. There's a knight!
There's a knight!
2163
01:22:44,710 --> 01:22:48,340
Ah! It's a foul monster! Ah!
2164
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:50,508
Al, that's a ceiling fan.
2165
01:22:50,591 --> 01:22:55,097
No, it's a whirling,
five-arm beast.
2166
01:22:56,221 --> 01:22:57,814
JILL: What is this?
2167
01:22:57,890 --> 01:22:59,767
What? Oh.
2168
01:23:01,059 --> 01:23:02,811
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
2169
01:23:03,312 --> 01:23:04,905
FELIPE: She's going to show up.
JILL: Wha... What the...
2170
01:23:05,230 --> 01:23:07,232
Felipe, what is this?
2171
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:10,156
I don't understand.
What is going on here'?
2172
01:23:10,402 --> 01:23:13,030
What is happening? What...
2173
01:23:13,155 --> 01:23:15,374
Felipe, how did you do this?
2174
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:17,918
What? This is... Jill.
2175
01:23:17,993 --> 01:23:19,415
Hi, guys, hi.
2176
01:23:19,495 --> 01:23:21,247
What are you doing here?
2177
01:23:21,830 --> 01:23:23,423
Jill, before you left,
2178
01:23:25,083 --> 01:23:27,336
what I was trying to tell you,
2179
01:23:27,419 --> 01:23:30,263
while you were dropping
chimichanga bombs...
2180
01:23:30,464 --> 01:23:32,592
That was awful, I'm sorry.
2181
01:23:33,425 --> 01:23:35,519
Is that you make me feel like,
2182
01:23:35,594 --> 01:23:38,723
like I just climbed out of
the trunk of my cousin's car
2183
01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:42,901
after driving 1,100 miles
across the border.
2184
01:23:43,894 --> 01:23:44,941
Huh?
2185
01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:46,863
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
2186
01:23:46,939 --> 01:23:48,191
(ALL LAUGHING)
2187
01:23:48,273 --> 01:23:50,696
I was going to say, "He's
ruining the mood," but... Yeah.
2188
01:23:51,652 --> 01:23:52,949
But not about you.
2189
01:23:54,321 --> 01:23:55,447
What?
2190
01:23:56,031 --> 01:23:57,408
I love you, Jill.
2191
01:23:57,491 --> 01:23:59,118
I... I love you.
2192
01:24:00,827 --> 01:24:02,795
You love me? Yeah, I love you.
2193
01:24:02,871 --> 01:24:04,214
Somebody loves me.
2194
01:24:04,581 --> 01:24:06,003
I love you, Jill.
2195
01:24:06,083 --> 01:24:08,757
Will you convert
to Judaism for me?
2196
01:24:08,961 --> 01:24:10,133
What?
2197
01:24:10,212 --> 01:24:12,135
I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
2198
01:24:12,422 --> 01:24:13,890
Oh, Felipe!
2199
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:15,218
I love you, Jill.
2200
01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:16,973
All right, all right,
he said he loved you.
2201
01:24:17,052 --> 01:24:18,975
Don't kill him! Come on!
2202
01:24:19,054 --> 01:24:20,226
JILL: I love you.
2203
01:24:20,639 --> 01:24:22,312
What are you doing?
2204
01:24:23,308 --> 01:24:25,026
Jack, jump in here
and lay with me.
2205
01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,396
Lay with me.
JACK: Oh, just lay with Felipe.
2206
01:24:27,479 --> 01:24:28,776
Can't you do that'?
2207
01:24:29,106 --> 01:24:31,234
NARRATOR: Something's
brewing at D'in' D.
2208
01:24:33,151 --> 01:24:34,323
WOW!
2209
01:24:34,403 --> 01:24:35,529
Al Pacino!
2210
01:24:35,612 --> 01:24:38,161
It's not Al any more,
it's Dunk.
2211
01:24:38,574 --> 01:24:39,951
Dunk Accino?
2212
01:24:40,033 --> 01:24:41,580
Don't mind if I do.
2213
01:24:41,660 --> 01:24:44,083
♪ What's my name?
♪ Dunkaccino
2214
01:24:44,162 --> 01:24:46,665
♪ It's a whole new game
♪ Dunkaccino
2215
01:24:46,748 --> 01:24:49,046
♪ You want creamy goodness,
I'm your friend
2216
01:24:49,126 --> 01:24:51,220
♪ Say hello
to my chocolate blend
2217
01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:53,593
♪ Attica, hoo-wah, latte lite
2218
01:24:53,964 --> 01:24:55,932
♪ This whole trial
is out of sight
2219
01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:58,435
♪ They pulled me back in
with hazelnut, too
2220
01:24:58,760 --> 01:25:00,808
♪ Caramel swirl...
l know it was you
2221
01:25:01,138 --> 01:25:03,482
♪ Everyone wants my Dunkaccino
2222
01:25:03,557 --> 01:25:05,685
♪ Can't get enough
of my Dunkaccino
2223
01:25:05,976 --> 01:25:08,274
♪ Kids from seven
to seventeen-0
2224
01:25:08,353 --> 01:25:10,606
♪ Lining up for my Dunkaccino
2225
01:25:10,689 --> 01:25:12,942
♪ What's my name?
♪ Dunkaccino
2226
01:25:13,025 --> 01:25:15,403
♪ A-Dunka-Dunka
Dunka-Dunka-Dunkaccino ♪
2227
01:25:18,697 --> 01:25:19,914
And, boom, there you have it.
2228
01:25:19,990 --> 01:25:21,162
It's actually 32 seconds,
2229
01:25:21,241 --> 01:25:22,333
so I got to lose two seconds.
2230
01:25:22,409 --> 01:25:24,127
Maybe you can tell me what,
what part you would lose,
2231
01:25:24,202 --> 01:25:26,546
but I think we are
getting there.
2232
01:25:27,873 --> 01:25:29,045
Burn this.
2233
01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:30,717
I'm sorry?
2234
01:25:32,836 --> 01:25:36,932
This must never
be seen by anyone.
2235
01:25:37,299 --> 01:25:39,927
If you didn't like all those
close-ups, we can, we can...
2236
01:25:40,010 --> 01:25:41,136
This is not the final cut.
2237
01:25:41,219 --> 01:25:42,266
There's no doubt,
we can, we can...
2238
01:25:42,346 --> 01:25:43,723
All copies.
2239
01:25:45,849 --> 01:25:47,099
Destroy them.
2240
01:25:47,100 --> 01:25:48,693
You want me to play it again?
Has anybody seen this?
2241
01:25:48,769 --> 01:25:50,146
Nobody has seen this.
2242
01:25:50,228 --> 01:25:52,196
They have to be found
and talked to.
2243
01:25:52,272 --> 01:25:54,775
All right, to be honest,
I showed my wife.
2244
01:25:54,858 --> 01:25:57,236
(CHUCKLING) She couldn't believe...
No good, no good.
2245
01:25:58,654 --> 01:26:00,782
So I used to be fatter,
and so what he would do...
2246
01:26:00,864 --> 01:26:02,616
Picture him way bigger, like...
2247
01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:04,997
So what would happen is we'd
get together on Thanksgiving.
2248
01:26:05,077 --> 01:26:06,545
He'd kind of gather
the family around,
2249
01:26:06,620 --> 01:26:08,918
and, and so I would have to go,
2250
01:26:09,456 --> 01:26:11,800
"This is me before
Ultra Slim Fast."
2251
01:26:11,875 --> 01:26:13,548
"And this is me now!"
2252
01:26:13,627 --> 01:26:14,844
And everybody
would laugh at him
2253
01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:15,967
and he'd go cry
in the other room.
2254
01:26:16,338 --> 01:26:18,511
I'm Larry, this is
my brother Dave.
2255
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:21,764
We used to be triplets,
but he ate the other one.
2256
01:26:23,095 --> 01:26:24,438
Let me tell you, I don't,
I don't really like getting
2257
01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:25,685
into fights with him
because I really...
2258
01:26:25,764 --> 01:26:27,516
I don't like closing
my fist on him,
2259
01:26:27,599 --> 01:26:28,600
so when we get into fights,
2260
01:26:28,684 --> 01:26:30,186
we look like sissies
when we fight each other.
2261
01:26:30,268 --> 01:26:32,066
You know, 'cause I don't,
I don't really like...
2262
01:26:32,145 --> 01:26:33,863
It's kind of that...
The schoolyard fight
2263
01:26:33,939 --> 01:26:34,986
when you see two girls.
2264
01:26:42,906 --> 01:26:44,203
She's my baby girl,
she knows that.
2265
01:26:44,282 --> 01:26:45,875
We're like a husband-and-wife
relationship.
2266
01:26:45,951 --> 01:26:47,544
We fight and then we come together.
That's sick, okay?
2267
01:26:47,619 --> 01:26:49,087
I mean, not in a sick way.
You shouldn't say that
2268
01:26:49,162 --> 01:26:50,789
like that, that's sick.
Not in a sick way.
2269
01:26:51,289 --> 01:26:52,916
I don't like my brother.
2270
01:26:52,999 --> 01:26:55,752
I have a deep, intense
dislike for my brother.
2271
01:26:55,836 --> 01:26:56,883
He's a bad guy.
2272
01:26:57,295 --> 01:26:58,512
I know what the problem is.
2273
01:26:58,588 --> 01:27:01,057
He didn't say anything
about it, did he?
2274
01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:04,808
He don't like the mustache
'cause he can't grow one.
2275
01:27:05,303 --> 01:27:06,771
Well, usually, when we
celebrate a birthday,
2276
01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:08,064
usually it's more
than one cake.
2277
01:27:08,140 --> 01:27:09,107
It's four cakes.
It's usually four.
2278
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:10,399
Yeah. It's usually four cakes.
2279
01:27:10,475 --> 01:27:12,694
There's right hand, left
hand, right hand, left hand.
2280
01:27:12,769 --> 01:27:14,237
Or one for me and one for him
2281
01:27:14,312 --> 01:27:15,359
and two for his girlfriend.
2282
01:27:15,439 --> 01:27:16,486
Yeah, yeah.
2283
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:17,695
She was actually living in L.A.
2284
01:27:17,774 --> 01:27:20,072
And I was in Kentucky doing
the race at that moment.
2285
01:27:20,152 --> 01:27:21,404
I was tired. Yeah.
2286
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:22,578
'Cause I did not
train properly.
2287
01:27:22,654 --> 01:27:23,655
And I started feeling,
like, these pains
2288
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:25,741
or something like that, and
it was, like, weird, so...
2289
01:27:25,824 --> 01:27:29,169
So, yeah. I mean, that's my
part of, like, ESPN or ESP.
2290
01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:30,370
Whatever it's called. It's ESP.
2291
01:27:30,454 --> 01:27:32,456
Okay, whatever.
ESPN is the network for sports.
2292
01:27:32,831 --> 01:27:34,424
(BOTH SPEAKING SECRET LANGUAGE)
2293
01:27:37,627 --> 01:27:39,004
You figure it out.
2294
01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:40,923
Well, you know,
I'm married, so...
2295
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:42,098
Yeah, we don't
have girl issues.
2296
01:27:42,174 --> 01:27:43,300
Yeah, well, I...
Sometimes, though,
2297
01:27:43,383 --> 01:27:45,010
I do try to hook him up
with someone.
2298
01:27:45,093 --> 01:27:46,185
I mean, if they come up to me
2299
01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:48,605
and they're like, they like
me, I'm like, "Oh, sorry,"
2300
01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:50,933
and then I'm like, "Hey,
look at this guy, though."
2301
01:27:51,016 --> 01:27:54,486
And so, I mean, he's kind
of like the backup twin.
2302
01:27:54,561 --> 01:27:55,858
I don't care, I take it.
2303
01:27:56,104 --> 01:27:57,321
I said, "Look, dude,
I don't think I can..."
2304
01:27:57,397 --> 01:27:58,694
"I don't think
I can go on this date,"
2305
01:27:58,774 --> 01:28:00,902
"but I can't,
can't break the date."
2306
01:28:00,984 --> 01:28:03,078
"'Cause, you know,
it's got to happen,"
2307
01:28:03,153 --> 01:28:04,530
"it's got to happen tonight."
2308
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:05,705
I said, "Well,
Rog, you know..."
2309
01:28:05,781 --> 01:28:06,828
You said... What'd you...
What'd you tell me?
2310
01:28:06,907 --> 01:28:08,625
"How does the girl look?
How does she look?"
2311
01:28:08,700 --> 01:28:10,077
I said, "Dude, she's
a 10, she's hot."
2312
01:28:10,160 --> 01:28:11,628
"She's hot?" "She's hot."
2313
01:28:12,204 --> 01:28:13,376
I said, "Well,
you know, send me."
2314
01:28:13,455 --> 01:28:16,925
"I'll put, I'll put her on
ice for the night, you know."
2315
01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:19,253
"Send me out, I'll make sure
everything's good for you,"
2316
01:28:19,336 --> 01:28:21,338
"you know, and you'll be
good to go next week."
2317
01:28:21,421 --> 01:28:22,923
So I did.
He went out with the girl.
2318
01:28:23,006 --> 01:28:24,053
It was smooth, right?
2319
01:28:24,132 --> 01:28:26,009
She... I think she fell in love
with him on the first date.
2320
01:28:26,092 --> 01:28:28,345
What's funny is, my brother
ended up dating this girl
2321
01:28:28,428 --> 01:28:29,850
for, like, four...
What, like three and a half years?
2322
01:28:29,930 --> 01:28:30,977
Yeah, it was like
three and a half years.
2323
01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:33,730
She never knew we switched
on the very first date.
2324
01:28:33,809 --> 01:28:35,937
She said, "The best time of
my life was the first date."
2325
01:28:36,019 --> 01:28:38,272
There you go.
I was like, "Oh, come on."
2326
01:28:38,563 --> 01:28:40,986
Growing up with long
hair, full Afros.
2327
01:28:41,066 --> 01:28:43,990
Oh, yeah, fine,
with some platform shoes,
2328
01:28:44,069 --> 01:28:45,286
something you'd remember.
2329
01:28:45,362 --> 01:28:47,080
You stole my good pair.
2330
01:28:47,781 --> 01:28:50,580
All right, let's move,
let's move.
2331
01:28:50,909 --> 01:28:53,162
♪ It's tricky, it's tricky
2332
01:28:53,245 --> 01:28:54,792
♪ Tricky, tricky, tricky
2333
01:28:54,871 --> 01:28:56,373
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme
2334
01:28:56,456 --> 01:28:58,458
♪ To rock a rhyme
that's right on time
2335
01:28:58,542 --> 01:28:59,759
♪ It's tricky
2336
01:28:59,835 --> 01:29:02,338
♪ T-T-T- Tricky, tricky, tricky
2337
01:29:06,341 --> 01:29:07,433
(BOTH GIGGLING)
2338
01:29:09,803 --> 01:29:11,350
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme
2339
01:29:11,429 --> 01:29:13,557
♪ To rock a rhyme
that's right on time
2340
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:14,937
♪ It's tricky, tricky, huh! I
2341
01:29:15,016 --> 01:29:16,233
Ah! (LAUGHS)
2342
01:29:16,935 --> 01:29:20,064
The best thing about being
twins is, when I fall,
2343
01:29:20,146 --> 01:29:23,366
when I feel sad, Elijah
just picks me right back up
2344
01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:25,660
and that's just helpful to me.
2345
01:29:26,820 --> 01:29:28,367
Love my twin. Love my twin.
2346
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:32,368
Love you, sis. Love you.
2347
01:29:34,953 --> 01:29:37,172
I love us. (BOTH LAUGHING)
2348
01:29:40,208 --> 01:29:41,551
You smell.
2349
01:29:42,294 --> 01:29:44,513
I love this guy.
I can't imagine life without my brother.
2350
01:29:44,588 --> 01:29:45,965
(BOTH LAUGH)
2351
01:29:46,131 --> 01:29:48,259
But we love each other.
Yeah, but we love each other, right, okay.
2352
01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:49,969
You're my only friend.
2353
01:29:50,051 --> 01:29:52,099
(LAUGHS) That's so sad.
2354
01:29:52,846 --> 01:29:54,189
It was cool, man.
I love my brother
2355
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:55,607
I love you, man.
2356
01:29:55,849 --> 01:29:57,977
No matter how bad he is, no
matter what he does wrong,
2357
01:29:58,059 --> 01:29:59,686
he's still my brother
and he's still number one.
2358
01:29:59,811 --> 01:30:01,313
(ALL SPEAKING SECRET LANGUAGE)
2359
01:30:05,066 --> 01:30:06,238
Without a twin
2360
01:30:06,318 --> 01:30:07,365
you're useless.
2361
01:30:07,569 --> 01:30:08,912
We're good to go. Triplets? No.
2362
01:30:08,987 --> 01:30:10,660
No, nah. Nasty, ugly.
2363
01:30:10,739 --> 01:30:12,241
Uh-uh, finite. Uh-uh.
2364
01:30:12,324 --> 01:30:13,576
No, done. No, we're done.
2365
01:30:13,658 --> 01:30:14,659
Twins. Yes.
2366
01:30:14,743 --> 01:30:16,086
Keep 'em. Let's go.
2367
01:30:17,203 --> 01:30:18,955
(MAN LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)
2368
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:23,419
(PUFFING)
2369
01:30:32,385 --> 01:30:34,353
(GRUNTING)
I got to get this pin...
2370
01:30:36,556 --> 01:30:37,557
(MIMICS POPPING)
2371
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:39,393
(MIMICKING AIR ESCAPING)