1 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,415 That logo music just 2 00:00:35,416 --> 00:00:37,708 gets you pumped, right? 3 00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:40,143 I'm sorry, I'm just excited to be here. 4 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:41,291 It's been a while. 5 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,916 For a long time, I wasn't sure I'd ever be back. 6 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:45,957 Disney bought Fox, there was a whole 7 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,125 boring rights issue, 8 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:48,166 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 9 00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:50,833 But then, it turned out they wanted me, 10 00:00:51,416 --> 00:00:53,958 the one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie. 11 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,166 Much less a franchise. 12 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,916 Marvel is so stupid! 13 00:00:59,041 --> 00:01:00,999 Look, we know the title of this thing, so 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,160 I know what you're wondering. 15 00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:04,207 How are we going to do this without 16 00:01:04,208 --> 00:01:06,041 dishonoring Logan's memory? 17 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,000 And I'll tell you how. 18 00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,333 We're not. 19 00:01:11,291 --> 00:01:11,500 Holy. 20 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,791 I'm going to let you in on a little secret. 21 00:01:14,791 --> 00:01:16,250 Wolverine is not dead. 22 00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:19,999 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story, 23 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,999 but that's not how regenerative healing factors work. 24 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,707 You think I want to be out here in 25 00:01:24,708 --> 00:01:26,708 beautiful downtown North Dakota, 26 00:01:26,916 --> 00:01:28,396 digging up the one and only Wolverine? 27 00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:29,875 No, thank you. 28 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,125 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 29 00:01:32,708 --> 00:01:34,040 He may not be living his best life, but 30 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:36,833 he sure as hell ain't dead. 31 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,000 Bingo. 32 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,000 Yahtzee. 33 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,416 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 34 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:56,500 Damn it! 35 00:01:57,666 --> 00:01:59,833 Son of a bitch! 36 00:02:02,041 --> 00:02:08,166 Fuck! Motherfucker! 37 00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,333 My world is fucked! 38 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:12,500 That was weird. 39 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:14,958 I'm much calmer now. 40 00:02:16,083 --> 00:02:18,000 Look, I'm not a man of science, 41 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,416 but you seem incredibly passed away. 42 00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:26,416 But it's good to see ya. 43 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,082 I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to 44 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,083 ride with you, Log'. 45 00:02:30,291 --> 00:02:33,416 You and me getting into a Deadpool and a Wolverine. 46 00:02:33,791 --> 00:02:35,083 Just fucking shit up. 47 00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:40,041 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos, the residuals? 48 00:02:40,708 --> 00:02:41,708 G'day mate! 49 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,374 There's nothing that'll bring me back to 50 00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:45,958 life faster than a big bag of Marvel cash. 51 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,791 Me too, Hugh. 52 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,750 No, no, no, no. 53 00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:56,416 Ugh, he had to get all noble and die for real. 54 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,291 God damn it! 55 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:04,000 I could really use your help right now. 56 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,000 Wait! 57 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,000 I'm warning you! I'm not alone! 58 00:03:17,041 --> 00:03:18,291 Wade Winston Wilson! 59 00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:21,833 You're under arrest by the Time Variance Authority. 60 00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,708 With too many crimes for this, come out! 61 00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:26,790 We're giving you the courtesy... 62 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,458 Death by day player. 63 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,000 Last chance! 64 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,458 Throw out your weapons and come out peacefully! 65 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,208 I'm not gonna give you my weapons! 66 00:03:35,666 --> 00:03:37,416 But I promise not to use them. 67 00:03:38,666 --> 00:03:41,083 There are 206 bones in the human body. 68 00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:43,541 207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl. 69 00:03:44,666 --> 00:03:46,000 Here we go, maximum effort. 70 00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:41,375 I am soaking wet right now. 71 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,541 To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this. 72 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:49,500 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia, 73 00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:52,125 it isn't who I am, it isn't who I wanna be. 74 00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:53,583 Who I wanna be? 75 00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:55,458 Well, to help you understand that, 76 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,500 I gotta take you back. 77 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,041 My little joy ride I took through space and time, 78 00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:02,166 to the day that changed everything. 79 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,791 I can't believe I'm finally here. 80 00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:18,541 I've waited for this moment for so long. 81 00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:22,000 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 82 00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:27,207 I firmly believe that my services could be of great use 83 00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:28,208 to your organization. 84 00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:30,915 Now, I know I was caught smash-turbating 85 00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:32,166 in the lobby of Stark Tower. 86 00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:32,875 Smash-turbating? 87 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:33,375 I'm sure you did that. 88 00:07:33,416 --> 00:07:34,832 I'm sorry, what was that? 89 00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:35,833 No, I'm sorry. 90 00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:39,290 That's when you get those toy hulk hands, right? 91 00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:41,091 And then you just, you look down and you just, 92 00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:44,957 you brace yourself and you ravage the midsection. 93 00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:47,333 I get it, okay, thank you. The picture's painted. 94 00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:48,375 You get the gist. 95 00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:50,000 What exactly brings you here today? 96 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:55,166 Well, okay, I care. 97 00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:58,124 I know I turn everything into a joke, 98 00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:02,875 but I care and I want to use that feeling 99 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,125 for something important. 100 00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:07,875 I want to matter. 101 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,083 And to show my girl that I matter. 102 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:16,499 And, you know, I feel like I'm wasting 103 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,500 the good stuff here. 104 00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:19,250 Is the man not going to be joining us? 105 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:19,458 The man? 106 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,833 Yeah, I should say this if he's going to. 107 00:08:22,166 --> 00:08:23,207 As far as you can tell 108 00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,583 right now, I'm the man. 109 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,000 The man is me. 110 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,708 I am the man in this circumstance. 111 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,260 And he doesn't do this kind of thing anymore. 112 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,083 - Cameos? - Meetings. 113 00:08:33,666 --> 00:08:34,666 Entry-level meetings. 114 00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:35,208 Entry-level? 115 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,500 Aren't you the chauffeur, maybe? 116 00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:39,500 Common misconception, 117 00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:42,375 I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver. 118 00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:45,000 I quickly pivoted to the head of security. 119 00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:45,914 The head of security? 120 00:08:45,915 --> 00:08:47,476 The head of security, of course, yes, yes, yes, yes. 121 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:50,333 And while I am vetting your resume. 122 00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,124 You seem to have left out whether or not 123 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:54,333 you had any experience as a member of a team. 124 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,625 Could you maybe add a little bit of perspective? 125 00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:58,124 Oh, yes, of course. 126 00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:00,750 I was Special Forces, but I was mainly, 127 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,000 I was team leader, founder, really, of X-Force. 128 00:09:03,541 --> 00:09:05,083 Sadly, they all perished in action. 129 00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:06,495 How exactly did that happen? 130 00:09:06,875 --> 00:09:09,874 Well, the police say gravity, but just between us, 131 00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:11,475 they didn't test well in the focus group. 132 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:12,708 Particularly Cable. 133 00:09:13,666 --> 00:09:15,540 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I can see this isn't going on. 134 00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:16,041 Please stop writing. 135 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,416 I'm just, I want to be an Avenger. 136 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,875 I want to be an Avenger. 137 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:25,820 Why do you want to be an Avenger? 138 00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:28,833 Look around you, I mean, they're the best of the best. 139 00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:32,416 And what they do matters. I need to be an Avenger. 140 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,290 Sir, that girl is kind of had a bit of a shtick, 141 00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:38,374 and if I don't, you know, turn things around 142 00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:41,082 and do something with my gifts, I don't think it's going 143 00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:43,208 to really work out for me, and I wouldn't blame her. 144 00:09:45,041 --> 00:09:48,790 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes 145 00:09:48,791 --> 00:09:51,540 that stand for something more than just fighting 146 00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:52,958 and wearing costumes. 147 00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:55,958 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 148 00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:57,291 I'm sorry, us? 149 00:09:57,541 --> 00:09:59,333 I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger. 150 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,573 Avengers adjacent, technically. 151 00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:03,791 Oh, what's your superpower? Is it parallel parking? 152 00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:06,333 I am so sorry. That was cruel. 153 00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:08,791 I lash out when I'm nervous. It won't happen again. 154 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,401 - Let's cut to the chase. - Please. 155 00:10:10,458 --> 00:10:11,749 You just said moments ago 156 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,333 that you wanted to be an Avenger 157 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,875 because you need it. 158 00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:17,375 Yes, sir, I do. 159 00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:20,500 But the Avengers don't do the job because they need it. 160 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,350 They do the job because people need them. 161 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,080 Do you see the distinction? 162 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,458 Yes, sir. 163 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,358 Please, Mr. Hogan, I don't want to spend 164 00:10:31,359 --> 00:10:33,829 the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony. 165 00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:38,333 All right. 166 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:41,000 Oh, my God. You're standing. 167 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,458 Yeah, now's the time that we stand. 168 00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:43,291 Damn it. 169 00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:44,665 The problem might be that 170 00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:46,916 you're reaching a little too high. 171 00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:49,183 Aim for the middle and you'll never miss. 172 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,570 I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying. 173 00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,832 But not everybody's a world-saving type. 174 00:10:54,833 --> 00:10:57,375 I'm not. I'm happy. Right? 175 00:10:57,625 --> 00:10:58,625 I found my place. 176 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:00,625 Find your place. 177 00:11:01,958 --> 00:11:03,125 All right. Get back out there. 178 00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,000 We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck. 179 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,458 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 180 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,708 Fetch the car. I want to hit Shake Shack. 181 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,540 Rejection makes me hung-y. 182 00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,125 No, no, no. Please. 183 00:11:17,666 --> 00:11:18,958 No, no, no. Okay. 184 00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:23,125 You know what they say? 185 00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:24,791 When one door closes, 186 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,583 your locker at work opens. 187 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,124 Let's go sell some certified 188 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:40,958 pre-owned vehicles, motherf... 189 00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:45,833 Technically, the carnival's not a minivan. 190 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:48,791 It's an MPV. 191 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,333 So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey? 192 00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:52,815 The Odyssey? That's a great question. 193 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,250 It doesn't fucking suck. 194 00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,326 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 195 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,416 I'm sorry, Tammy. I don't have kids. 196 00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,526 Not that I haven't dreamt of that. 197 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,583 You don't have a lot of vaginal sex. 198 00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:08,916 - You'll get them next time, pal. - Yeah. 199 00:12:08,958 --> 00:12:11,291 And look, you can always go back to super-heroing. 200 00:12:11,583 --> 00:12:13,623 I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit. 201 00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:16,500 I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 202 00:12:17,041 --> 00:12:19,707 I keep it in my locker in case we need to settle up again. 203 00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:22,375 Hey, hey, hey. What is that doing in there? 204 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:24,208 I'm done. 205 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,000 I'm done. 206 00:12:27,416 --> 00:12:29,208 And I'm fine with being done. 207 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,125 Look, is sales the best match? 208 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:31,916 Probably not. 209 00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:34,291 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? 210 00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:35,541 Fuck no! 211 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:37,910 This is the right fit for me. 212 00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,500 - Sugar Bear, it is. - Okay, Mr. Wilson. 213 00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:44,416 I'm just saying, once a month, we could go on a little mission. 214 00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:47,125 We're human beings. We crave purpose. 215 00:12:47,958 --> 00:12:49,333 After all, we're Deadpool. 216 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,249 Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool. 217 00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:53,583 I'm not even Deadpool anymore. 218 00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:57,333 Well, if we're gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 219 00:12:57,750 --> 00:13:00,458 A few years ago, a friend of mine got his nipples pierced 220 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:04,583 with a titanium chain that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 221 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,833 Are you feeling "Grumplestiltskin" because it's your birthday? 222 00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:15,041 What? 223 00:13:15,958 --> 00:13:16,958 No. 224 00:13:17,791 --> 00:13:18,791 No. 225 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,850 Surprise! 226 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:27,000 Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed. 227 00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:28,541 Get in here. 228 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,666 This was six years ago. You'd all be dead. 229 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:34,040 So then, he gets out of the cab, and you would not believe it. 230 00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:36,166 I turn around, and what do I find? 231 00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:37,250 - Airpods. - Airpods! 232 00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:39,410 - Crazy stories. - Every time. 233 00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:41,208 - Come on. - Every single time. 234 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:44,791 Make any sales today? 235 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,250 You know I didn't. 236 00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:49,833 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy or whatever it is you do? 237 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,915 The rent is due in 3 days Wade, 238 00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:53,596 - and I can't keep carrying you. - Relax. 239 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,582 I have the money. I sold some old blood 240 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:58,250 pressure medication I found lying around. 241 00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:00,249 You're trying to kill me, motherfucker. 242 00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:02,540 I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker. 243 00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,957 I pray every day that fire finds your 244 00:14:05,958 --> 00:14:07,915 body and finishes the job 245 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:10,082 God didn't have the nuts to do. 246 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,124 That's hurtful. If you could hear the look on my face, 247 00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:13,625 you'd smell how sad I am. 248 00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:14,833 You watching me good? 249 00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:16,458 Great British break-off. 250 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:17,833 Oh, God damn. 251 00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,500 That show stood between me and suicide for ten years. 252 00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:21,750 Those are my feelings. 253 00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:23,582 On abortion, religious freedom, animal 254 00:14:23,583 --> 00:14:25,707 rights, privacy rights, vaccines, free 255 00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:27,375 market capitalism, global climate change. 256 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,726 No, no, no, no, no speaking lines Buck. 257 00:14:30,708 --> 00:14:32,375 Hi, you, Kyo. Hi, Wade. 258 00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:34,208 Nice, fake o'clock shadow. 259 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,583 It's a summer balayage from the French. 260 00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:40,040 It's meant to mimic the natural 261 00:14:40,041 --> 00:14:41,750 highlights of the sun. 262 00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:43,476 It's a toupee. It's a hair system. 263 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,083 I love your hair system, Wade. 264 00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,375 Thank you. 265 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:50,415 - Want to do some cocaine? - Hey, cocaine is 266 00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:51,083 the one thing that 267 00:14:51,084 --> 00:14:52,458 Feig said is off-limits. 268 00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,749 - What about Bolivian watching? - They know 269 00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:56,500 all the slang terms. They have a list. 270 00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:58,416 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 271 00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:00,258 - White girl interrupted? - Even Forrest Bump. 272 00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:01,000 - Bugger Sugar. - I wouldn't... 273 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,333 even try powdered go nuts. 274 00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:03,000 Do you want to build a... 275 00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:05,458 - snowman? - Yes, but I can't. 276 00:15:07,416 --> 00:15:09,166 - Hold here. - Here? 277 00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:12,458 - What happened? - That's the Fun part. 278 00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:15,708 - Thanks for coming. - Yeah. 279 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,583 - How's work? - Oh, I got a promotion. 280 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:21,375 - No way. - Yeah. 281 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,040 It's mind-numbing middle 282 00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:24,166 management, but I'm happy. 283 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,458 That's great. 284 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,860 - You seeing anyone? - How are you? 285 00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:32,666 Um, yeah. Guy from work. 286 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:34,875 - Dermit. - Dermit? 287 00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:36,916 - He's kind. - Good. 288 00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:38,333 Likes to go hiking. 289 00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:40,250 Hasn't gotten me shot yet. 290 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,375 Well... It's the early days. 291 00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,291 How about you? You seeing anyone? 292 00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:50,624 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom 293 00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:52,500 apartment. Share bed with Blind Al. 294 00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:57,500 - All right. - All right. 295 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,291 Happy birthday to you. 296 00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:05,500 Okay, okay, okay. 297 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,582 Birthdays. 298 00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:09,915 Every spin around the moon 299 00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:11,000 is a new adventure indeed. 300 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,041 - Sun, dumb-ass! - Okay, round-earther! 301 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,875 - Where was I? - The Adventure of Life. 302 00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:19,625 Right. It's been a challenging few years. 303 00:16:20,416 --> 00:16:21,957 I haven't seen you guys in a while. 304 00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:23,833 Been through a lot. Change of life. 305 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,100 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 306 00:16:28,916 --> 00:16:30,556 I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 307 00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:34,333 But I'm happy. 308 00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:37,082 You know, that's because of 309 00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,000 each and every one of you. 310 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,999 I guess what I'm trying to say is how 311 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,874 proud I am, how grateful I am, 312 00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:44,832 to be standing in a room with every 313 00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:46,666 single person I love. 314 00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:53,916 I'm the luckiest man alive. 315 00:16:56,541 --> 00:16:58,458 - Make a wish, buddy. - 10-4, good buddy. 316 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,166 Going down. 317 00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:10,208 - Wade Wilson? - Oh, yeah. Dancers. 318 00:17:10,666 --> 00:17:12,499 Dopinder must have ordered you. 319 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,980 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 320 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,874 Never mind. Take your clothes off, but leave the helmets. 321 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:21,208 And this isn't Pretty Woman, we're kissing... 322 00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:22,976 What song do you guys normally dance to? 323 00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:25,665 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 324 00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:26,666 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 325 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:28,660 Is that supposed to be scary? 326 00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:31,708 Pegging isn't new for me friend-o, but it is for Disney. 327 00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:35,666 Look, I've never been a natural bottom. 328 00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:37,750 So we're going to take things real slow, 329 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,916 and I want some crazy eye contact. 330 00:17:40,208 --> 00:17:41,250 Not you, you. 331 00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:42,458 I can't see your eyes through 332 00:17:42,459 --> 00:17:43,624 the mask, but I can feel it. 333 00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:44,957 We're going to move on down the hallway 334 00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,249 so we can spare a cleanup on Isle Hassel. 335 00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:48,790 How does everyone feel about this plan? 336 00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:50,082 - I don't like you. - Yes. 337 00:17:50,083 --> 00:17:51,290 Let's hold on to that attitude, 338 00:17:51,291 --> 00:17:53,000 and we're going to do it angry. 339 00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:12,750 Mr. Wilson. 340 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:17,333 You appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 341 00:18:17,791 --> 00:18:19,541 I wasn't unconscious. Who are you? 342 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,458 I go by the name of Paradox, Mr. Paradox, 343 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:27,333 and you're sitting here at the TVA, the Time Variance Authority. 344 00:18:28,125 --> 00:18:30,208 We're really a watchdog organization. 345 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,040 Except we're more lighthearted than that sounds, 346 00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:36,000 with sort of throwback ironic twist. 347 00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:38,415 And we're in charge of defending what's 348 00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,750 known as the sacred timeline. 349 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,290 Holy fuck, that is a shit ton of exposition for a three-quel. 350 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:45,665 Is this because I used Cable's Time Machine 351 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,874 brought a couple of people back to life, 352 00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:49,165 then I destroyed it. 353 00:18:49,166 --> 00:18:50,166 That was a long time ago. 354 00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:52,458 Yes, we're aware of your abuse of your timeline. 355 00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:55,708 You were so abusive of it. 356 00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:59,000 No, it has nothing to do with that. Walk with me. 357 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:07,290 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell 358 00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:09,375 you that you're special. 359 00:19:10,291 --> 00:19:13,457 In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose, 360 00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:15,375 a purpose unclear even to me, 361 00:19:15,583 --> 00:19:20,458 but one that could save the entire sacred timeline 362 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,291 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, 363 00:19:23,666 --> 00:19:27,750 which may very well need to be avenged. 364 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,415 This sacred timeline, I assume I'm going 365 00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:36,000 to marvel at how cinematic it feels, 366 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:40,666 gratuitous cameos, indiscriminate use of variants, the whole package? 367 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,583 Oh, you tell me. 368 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,500 Cap... 369 00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,333 You are no longer lost, Wade. 370 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,458 You can be a hero among heroes. 371 00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:05,500 We've been surveilling you for quite a while. 372 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:06,583 The subway station. 373 00:20:06,833 --> 00:20:08,250 A TVA outpost, yes. 374 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,583 And what is that? 375 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:15,375 Is that me? Is that Thor? 376 00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:17,458 Is he crying? 377 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,708 Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 378 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,832 That happens in the distant future. 379 00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:22,541 Why is Thor crying? 380 00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:24,540 Do not speak to her. Stop that. 381 00:20:24,541 --> 00:20:26,791 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity, 382 00:20:27,375 --> 00:20:29,457 the opportunity you sought years ago but 383 00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:30,618 for which you were not ready. 384 00:20:30,875 --> 00:20:32,333 We believe you're ready now, 385 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:34,374 ready for a chance to leave your timeline 386 00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:37,249 and join the greatest universe of all. 387 00:20:37,250 --> 00:20:39,040 I am about to give you the thing you've always wanted. 388 00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,499 I smell what you're stepping in. 389 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,083 The power in the Marvel Universe is about to change forever. 390 00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:46,500 I am the Messiah. 391 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,625 I am... 392 00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:53,791 Marvel Jesus. 393 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:56,500 Excuse me. 394 00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:58,000 Just goin' over here. 395 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:02,500 Suck it, Fox. 396 00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:03,916 I'm going to Disneyland. 397 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:05,500 Get fucked! 398 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:09,875 Where do I sign? 399 00:21:10,208 --> 00:21:11,540 Oh, no need for paper work. 400 00:21:11,541 --> 00:21:13,625 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 401 00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:17,791 There is one thing I will need, though. 402 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,833 Oh, fuck off. 403 00:21:23,666 --> 00:21:24,875 Adorn me, Beardo. 404 00:21:46,333 --> 00:21:47,333 Fuckin-A! 405 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,000 It's perfect. 406 00:21:49,625 --> 00:21:52,500 FYI, your tailor is a predator, but I love it. 407 00:21:52,791 --> 00:21:55,497 Snug, no camel toe, new car smell, 408 00:21:55,498 --> 00:21:58,921 and adamantium katanas? You shouldn't have. 409 00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:01,375 Go ahead. Take it in. 410 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,166 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 411 00:22:04,666 --> 00:22:06,146 That guy knows what I'm talking about. 412 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,332 His clothes say middle management 413 00:22:08,333 --> 00:22:10,375 but his eyes say fucky-fucky. 414 00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:12,208 Yes, you look very nice. 415 00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:14,707 Nice? Your buddy here is ready to throw 416 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:15,832 it all away for me. 417 00:22:15,833 --> 00:22:16,833 You calling your wife? 418 00:22:16,916 --> 00:22:17,083 HR. 419 00:22:17,084 --> 00:22:18,166 Is your wife working HR? 420 00:22:18,458 --> 00:22:20,416 I'm really glad you're taking this so well. 421 00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:22,458 Oh, I'm taking it well. 422 00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:25,332 I have never had a problem traveling for work. 423 00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:27,083 That said, we should talk vacation days. 424 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:30,040 I'm more of a one-week-on, one-week-off kind of guy. 425 00:22:30,041 --> 00:22:31,481 I think it's what they do in Denmark. 426 00:22:31,666 --> 00:22:33,626 You'll never see a Danish flag in the moon, but... 427 00:22:34,208 --> 00:22:35,288 God damn it, they're happy. 428 00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:38,332 Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire Phone there 429 00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,458 and zip me back home so I can let my friends know 430 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:42,416 that they've been upgraded... to Disciples. 431 00:22:42,958 --> 00:22:45,500 Yep. You don't quite understand. 432 00:22:46,583 --> 00:22:48,415 You will not be returning to your home 433 00:22:48,416 --> 00:22:50,833 because there will be no home to return to. 434 00:22:51,125 --> 00:22:52,916 Come again, this time in my ears? 435 00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:00,125 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 436 00:23:01,041 --> 00:23:03,999 That is what happens when a universe 437 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,083 loses their anchor-being. 438 00:23:06,333 --> 00:23:08,416 See how it decays from the inside? 439 00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,790 This is how a reality dies. 440 00:23:10,791 --> 00:23:11,500 What's an anchor-being? 441 00:23:11,708 --> 00:23:13,915 An anchor-being is an entity of such vital importance 442 00:23:13,916 --> 00:23:16,082 that when they die, their whole world 443 00:23:16,083 --> 00:23:18,041 slowly withers out of existence. 444 00:23:18,916 --> 00:23:21,041 You've just won the lottery because I didn't die. 445 00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:23,543 It's just a little midlife crisis, I'm better now. 446 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:30,916 Oh, my God! 447 00:23:31,291 --> 00:23:32,540 Oh, not to laugh. 448 00:23:32,541 --> 00:23:35,082 Can you imagine if you were the anchor-being? 449 00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:36,083 Yeah. 450 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:39,458 No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson. 451 00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,416 Your anchor-being died in an act of self-sacrifice 452 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:47,125 so epic that it sent shivers down the timeline. 453 00:23:47,875 --> 00:23:55,125 I am referring, of course, to Logan, the Wolverine. 454 00:24:11,875 --> 00:24:14,708 Oh, this is what it feels like. 455 00:24:16,125 --> 00:24:17,125 Logan. 456 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:19,208 Of course. 457 00:24:24,666 --> 00:24:26,500 The guy forks for hands! 458 00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:28,208 That Wolverine! 459 00:24:29,708 --> 00:24:30,500 Yeah, I got it. 460 00:24:30,501 --> 00:24:33,165 You can turn your retro graphics of death off now. 461 00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:33,458 Make it stop. 462 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,290 We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. 463 00:24:35,291 --> 00:24:36,583 We certainly can't stop it. 464 00:24:38,625 --> 00:24:39,625 How long have we got? 465 00:24:39,791 --> 00:24:41,875 In most cases, a couple thousand years. 466 00:24:42,166 --> 00:24:42,958 Well, sweet. 467 00:24:42,959 --> 00:24:45,166 Most cases aren't fast enough, not for me. 468 00:24:45,875 --> 00:24:46,875 What does that mean? 469 00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:49,624 It means that I have been tasked with 470 00:24:49,625 --> 00:24:51,749 overseeing the end of your universe 471 00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,165 and regardless of what the pencil pushers 472 00:24:53,166 --> 00:24:54,166 upstairs would prefer, 473 00:24:54,666 --> 00:24:57,999 I will not waste my life watching it die 474 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,208 slowly of natural causes. 475 00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,291 We used to just prune these things, 476 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:02,458 simple, elegant, efficient, 477 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,250 but I'm told the TVA doesn't like to do that anymore. 478 00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:06,041 Well, I do. 479 00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:07,957 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, 480 00:25:07,958 --> 00:25:10,624 the multiverse does not need a babysitter. 481 00:25:10,625 --> 00:25:12,291 We need a mercy killer. 482 00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:16,333 And in this instance, I am the mercy killer. 483 00:25:20,875 --> 00:25:23,707 What in the macguffin is that? 484 00:25:23,708 --> 00:25:25,666 That's a time-ripper, Mr. Wilson. 485 00:25:26,208 --> 00:25:27,208 An accelerant. 486 00:25:27,750 --> 00:25:29,707 Once completed, it will allow me to 487 00:25:29,708 --> 00:25:32,100 destroy the space-time matrix of your universe. 488 00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:34,749 You see, I don't want to work for the TVA. 489 00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:36,875 I want to be the TVA. 490 00:25:37,125 --> 00:25:38,957 And the first step involves showing this 491 00:25:38,958 --> 00:25:41,999 organization how much more efficient it can become. 492 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,625 I will be giving your universe a swift and compassionate end. 493 00:25:46,041 --> 00:25:47,540 And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing. 494 00:25:47,541 --> 00:25:48,582 It'll be over just like this. 495 00:25:48,583 --> 00:25:49,583 Oh, what's that? 496 00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:51,750 Trust me. 497 00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:06,428 You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 498 00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:08,666 In your parlance, yes. 499 00:26:09,250 --> 00:26:10,570 Two in the heart, one in the head. 500 00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:12,270 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 501 00:26:12,708 --> 00:26:14,207 You can either rejoin your loved ones and 502 00:26:14,208 --> 00:26:17,540 collectively cease to exist in, let's say, 72 hours, 503 00:26:17,541 --> 00:26:21,500 or you join the sacred timeline. 504 00:26:21,791 --> 00:26:25,333 And you end your days of insignificance and mediocrity. 505 00:26:26,541 --> 00:26:27,541 Wade. 506 00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:31,700 Wade, you can finally... finally matter. 507 00:26:42,333 --> 00:26:43,791 That's all I've ever really wanted. 508 00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:45,250 I know. 509 00:26:46,041 --> 00:26:47,041 I know. 510 00:26:48,083 --> 00:26:51,041 And you know, I'm nothing if not morally flexible. 511 00:26:54,041 --> 00:26:55,041 Yep, yep. 512 00:26:57,541 --> 00:26:58,541 I'll do it. 513 00:26:58,625 --> 00:26:59,125 Wise choice. 514 00:26:59,625 --> 00:27:00,458 The sacred timeline is happy to have you. 515 00:27:00,500 --> 00:27:02,915 I was talking about finding the Wolverine 516 00:27:02,916 --> 00:27:04,500 and breaking your fucking nose. 517 00:27:17,500 --> 00:27:18,541 Find him. 518 00:27:19,666 --> 00:27:20,125 Find him! 519 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:22,333 And boy, did he ever. 520 00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:25,291 Which brings us back to this. 521 00:27:27,750 --> 00:27:29,208 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 522 00:27:36,708 --> 00:27:38,875 Ow, my own fucking arm. 523 00:27:42,708 --> 00:27:45,625 - Now we're talking! - Not like this! 524 00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:50,540 I'm sorry! "Wolverineing" is hard! 525 00:27:50,541 --> 00:27:51,541 Make it stop! 526 00:27:51,791 --> 00:27:52,791 Mangold tried! 527 00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:57,250 You sick fuck! 528 00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,999 Logan was a hero and the only thing 529 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,541 worth a shit to ever come out of Canada! 530 00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:11,999 Get my country's name 531 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,000 out of your fucking mouth. 532 00:28:15,416 --> 00:28:16,416 And my sword. 533 00:28:16,583 --> 00:28:17,583 Gimme that. 534 00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:22,541 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 535 00:28:23,458 --> 00:28:24,458 An alive one. 536 00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,791 Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out. 537 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:35,500 Logan! 538 00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:40,375 I'm gonna need you to come with me. 539 00:28:41,708 --> 00:28:42,708 Who's asking? 540 00:28:45,125 --> 00:28:46,885 Well, look at this little "Hairy Lou Retton". 541 00:28:47,333 --> 00:28:48,875 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 542 00:28:49,291 --> 00:28:52,458 Yes, you did, comic-accurate short king. 543 00:28:52,500 --> 00:28:54,708 Such a cute wi-dou, wovee. 544 00:28:54,958 --> 00:28:56,791 Cue the fucking montage, baby. 545 00:28:57,333 --> 00:29:00,083 Oh boy! Everything seems to be on fire. 546 00:29:00,541 --> 00:29:01,541 You have a dragon? 547 00:29:02,333 --> 00:29:04,458 Ooh, you have anchor-being written all over. 548 00:29:14,791 --> 00:29:15,791 Patch. 549 00:29:17,083 --> 00:29:18,458 Now we're talking. 550 00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:20,500 Ooh, yeah. 551 00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:23,833 That's the whole goddamn package right there. 552 00:29:25,625 --> 00:29:27,875 I'm auditioning anchor-beings. 553 00:29:28,458 --> 00:29:30,916 Oh, that's gonna need some coconut oil. 554 00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:37,000 What in the fuck? 555 00:29:37,458 --> 00:29:38,541 Are you okay? 556 00:29:39,458 --> 00:29:40,458 Oh, yes, yes. 557 00:29:40,791 --> 00:29:42,874 Classic John Byrne brown and tan... 558 00:29:42,875 --> 00:29:44,595 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit, no? 559 00:29:46,500 --> 00:29:49,458 I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, and I will not... 560 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:02,500 It's not you... we're just going in a different direction. 561 00:30:05,750 --> 00:30:08,040 You know, from behind, you look a little bit like Henry... 562 00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:09,041 Oh, my fuck! 563 00:30:09,666 --> 00:30:12,458 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 564 00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:15,583 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity, 565 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,375 this just feels right. 566 00:30:17,916 --> 00:30:19,457 We will treat you so much better than 567 00:30:19,458 --> 00:30:21,040 those shit-fucks down the street 568 00:30:21,041 --> 00:30:22,041 You were just leaving. 569 00:30:22,250 --> 00:30:24,583 No, sir, not while the fate of my universe is at... 570 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:30,416 This one looks promising. 571 00:30:31,125 --> 00:30:32,125 Down you go. 572 00:30:33,166 --> 00:30:34,166 Again. 573 00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:37,250 I told you, you're not welcome here. 574 00:30:37,666 --> 00:30:38,786 You're not welcome anywhere. 575 00:30:39,208 --> 00:30:40,458 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 576 00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:41,582 Just give me one more 577 00:30:41,583 --> 00:30:42,623 drink and then I'll leave. 578 00:30:43,333 --> 00:30:44,333 That's not how it works. 579 00:30:45,041 --> 00:30:47,000 It does now. Leave the bottle. 580 00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:48,291 I know you, bub? 581 00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:50,208 Nope. But I know you. 582 00:30:51,083 --> 00:30:52,083 Everybody knows me. 583 00:30:53,958 --> 00:30:54,958 I'm the Wolverine. 584 00:30:55,166 --> 00:30:59,750 Yes, you are, and I'm gonna need you to come with me right now. 585 00:31:01,041 --> 00:31:02,415 Look, lady, I'm not interested. 586 00:31:02,416 --> 00:31:03,416 Really getting into your cuffs... 587 00:31:03,417 --> 00:31:04,875 Why would I go with you? 588 00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:09,250 Because, unfortunately, I need you. 589 00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:13,250 And even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 590 00:31:14,166 --> 00:31:15,375 You two gonna fuck or fight? 591 00:31:19,833 --> 00:31:20,993 You gonna take that from him? 592 00:31:21,283 --> 00:31:22,283 Yep. 593 00:31:22,500 --> 00:31:23,957 I can tell you that sort 594 00:31:23,958 --> 00:31:24,999 of don't get too close, 595 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,625 I'll only break your heart by going here. 596 00:31:26,958 --> 00:31:28,082 But every other Wolverine would have 597 00:31:28,083 --> 00:31:29,332 really hurt me by now. 598 00:31:29,333 --> 00:31:31,958 And I'm sort of on the tic-tic, so, upsy-daisy, here we go. 599 00:31:35,625 --> 00:31:36,625 Oh. 600 00:31:38,041 --> 00:31:41,040 Whiskey-dick of the claws. It's quite common in Wolverines over 40. 601 00:31:41,041 --> 00:31:41,583 You don't want this. 602 00:31:41,833 --> 00:31:42,833 You're right. I don't. 603 00:31:43,208 --> 00:31:44,208 And you don't want this. 604 00:31:44,625 --> 00:31:47,351 Unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead... 605 00:31:47,375 --> 00:31:48,583 I suggest you reconsider. 606 00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:50,500 Let's go, Peanut. 607 00:31:55,083 --> 00:31:56,958 Oh, hold-on, hold-on. 608 00:31:57,625 --> 00:31:58,625 Watch this. 609 00:31:59,625 --> 00:32:00,625 All right. 610 00:32:00,833 --> 00:32:02,708 That's a little... easy. 611 00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:07,958 Good God. 612 00:32:08,791 --> 00:32:10,351 Thirsty little honey-badger, aren't you? 613 00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:12,500 It's okay. Keep going. 614 00:32:13,208 --> 00:32:15,000 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 615 00:32:19,866 --> 00:32:21,958 I guess you'll have to do... 616 00:32:22,875 --> 00:32:23,875 Okay. 617 00:32:25,250 --> 00:32:25,708 Ooh. 618 00:32:26,250 --> 00:32:27,291 Look at those jammies. 619 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,666 That only took 20 fucking years. 620 00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:33,458 One anchor-being coming right up! 621 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:35,291 On your left, baby girl. 622 00:32:36,083 --> 00:32:39,040 This Logan has the same... "he can do anything even musicals" -look. 623 00:32:39,041 --> 00:32:41,665 Bonus! He's actually wearing a costume 624 00:32:41,666 --> 00:32:44,106 like he's not embarrassed to be on a superhero movie for once. 625 00:32:44,375 --> 00:32:45,375 I don't understand. 626 00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:46,866 You said my universe is dying, 627 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:49,541 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 628 00:32:49,791 --> 00:32:51,083 Well, problem solved. 629 00:32:51,750 --> 00:32:52,166 My God. 630 00:32:52,541 --> 00:32:55,249 You actually think you can replace an 631 00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:57,291 anchor-being with this? 632 00:32:58,916 --> 00:33:01,250 I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine B-T-Dubs, 633 00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:03,707 but you have outdone yourself and brought 634 00:33:03,708 --> 00:33:05,250 me the worst Wolverine. 635 00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:06,823 What do you mean the worst one? 636 00:33:06,875 --> 00:33:09,249 Mr. Wilson, this Wolverine... 637 00:33:09,250 --> 00:33:11,416 let down his entire world. 638 00:33:12,500 --> 00:33:14,380 He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 639 00:33:14,708 --> 00:33:18,124 And what he did... well, some things are 640 00:33:18,125 --> 00:33:19,125 just beyond forgiveness. 641 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:25,625 Okay. How do I make this right? I'll do anything. 642 00:33:26,333 --> 00:33:29,083 I gave you a chance at greatness, 643 00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:31,874 because my superiors deemed you special. 644 00:33:31,875 --> 00:33:33,207 Clearly not special in a good way, 645 00:33:33,208 --> 00:33:36,624 but apparently you have some important future purpose to serve. 646 00:33:36,625 --> 00:33:37,666 With Thor, he holds me. 647 00:33:37,958 --> 00:33:39,500 But I did my duty. 648 00:33:39,875 --> 00:33:41,708 I gave you the opportunity to be somebody, 649 00:33:41,958 --> 00:33:43,957 and instead of accepting my offering with 650 00:33:43,958 --> 00:33:46,083 humility and gratitude, you broke my nose. 651 00:33:46,583 --> 00:33:47,250 It looks great. 652 00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:49,499 And decimated dozens of my men with the 653 00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:50,833 exumed corpse of a hero, 654 00:33:51,041 --> 00:33:53,332 dishonoring not only his remains, but his memory. 655 00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:54,333 What are you, Internet? 656 00:33:54,500 --> 00:33:56,416 Your world is dying! 657 00:33:56,875 --> 00:33:57,875 Thank you very much. 658 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,208 And there's no stopping it. 659 00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:04,457 The humane thing to do to make it quick! 660 00:34:04,458 --> 00:34:07,291 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish? 661 00:34:07,625 --> 00:34:08,500 I'm eating my feelings. 662 00:34:08,501 --> 00:34:10,540 I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about, 663 00:34:10,541 --> 00:34:12,874 because that hairy thunder cunt from 664 00:34:12,875 --> 00:34:15,374 down-under cunt finally dies, and he's standing 665 00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:16,666 right behind me, isn't he? 666 00:34:17,333 --> 00:34:18,573 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 667 00:34:19,250 --> 00:34:20,770 You're joining at a bit of a low point. 668 00:34:21,583 --> 00:34:23,375 As for you, I want to talk to your boss. 669 00:34:23,708 --> 00:34:24,458 I want you to get him on the phone, 670 00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:27,165 and you tell him, her, or them that 671 00:34:27,166 --> 00:34:29,083 Marvel H. Christ isn't playing. 672 00:34:34,666 --> 00:34:35,666 Holy shit. 673 00:34:36,583 --> 00:34:39,916 I just heard a symphony of butt holes clenching all at once. 674 00:34:40,291 --> 00:34:41,291 You're off-grid. 675 00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:43,874 Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here. 676 00:34:43,875 --> 00:34:44,875 Well, I'll tell you what. 677 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,415 I have a black belt in Karen, and I'm 678 00:34:47,416 --> 00:34:48,000 going to go upstairs, 679 00:34:48,291 --> 00:34:48,916 and I'm going to tell 680 00:34:48,917 --> 00:34:50,000 them all about you and... 681 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:52,458 Oh, silence is nice. 682 00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:54,499 What the fuck did he go? 683 00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:55,125 To the trash heap. 684 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:56,500 You'll fit right in. 685 00:34:59,125 --> 00:35:00,125 That was close. 686 00:35:21,458 --> 00:35:23,500 Don't just stand there, you ape. 687 00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:25,958 Give me a hand up. 688 00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:28,500 No, I'm actually okay. Thank you! 689 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,624 Where the hell are we? 690 00:35:32,625 --> 00:35:33,625 I don't know. 691 00:35:33,916 --> 00:35:35,290 It looks kind of Mad Maxie. 692 00:35:35,291 --> 00:35:37,125 But that would be IP infringement, right? 693 00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:38,500 Fucking jokes. 694 00:35:42,500 --> 00:35:44,833 Were you even listening back there? 695 00:35:45,166 --> 00:35:47,500 We don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole. 696 00:35:47,958 --> 00:35:50,318 - Everyone I know is going to die. - Not my fucking problem! 697 00:35:51,125 --> 00:35:52,165 Well, is that all you got? 698 00:35:53,208 --> 00:35:55,291 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 699 00:35:57,958 --> 00:35:58,458 Come again? 700 00:35:58,833 --> 00:36:00,250 Yeah, I heard all about you. 701 00:36:00,833 --> 00:36:02,375 How you screwed up everything, 702 00:36:02,916 --> 00:36:05,677 You should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 703 00:36:05,791 --> 00:36:07,958 You backstabbing son of a bitch! 704 00:36:13,850 --> 00:36:15,500 Are you ready to be calm now? 705 00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:23,833 Rest in pieces Fox. 706 00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:41,041 I don't want to fight you, peanut. 707 00:36:42,458 --> 00:36:43,750 Doesn't matter what you did. 708 00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:45,291 I just need your help. 709 00:36:47,083 --> 00:36:48,583 I don't fucking care. 710 00:36:58,791 --> 00:36:59,791 This is gonna hurt. 711 00:37:03,500 --> 00:37:04,500 Alright! 712 00:37:05,458 --> 00:37:06,458 Fuck it! 713 00:37:07,500 --> 00:37:09,125 Let's give the people what they came for. 714 00:37:10,291 --> 00:37:11,291 Let's fucking go. 715 00:37:13,125 --> 00:37:14,625 Get your special sock out, nerds. 716 00:37:15,250 --> 00:37:16,250 This gonna get good. 717 00:38:17,325 --> 00:38:18,325 Baby knife! 718 00:38:23,458 --> 00:38:25,416 Let's see you grow your fucking head back! 719 00:38:25,500 --> 00:38:27,582 I can fix it! I can fix it! 720 00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:29,250 It's what? Whatever it is that you did. 721 00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:31,458 Whatever made you so bad. 722 00:38:32,291 --> 00:38:33,375 Those... those... 723 00:38:33,833 --> 00:38:36,083 Pricks! In the TPA you heard them. 724 00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:38,624 They have the power to end my universe. 725 00:38:38,625 --> 00:38:41,375 But they also have the power to change yours. 726 00:38:43,500 --> 00:38:44,500 We get back there. 727 00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:45,875 And we can fix your world. 728 00:38:46,625 --> 00:38:47,625 Together. 729 00:38:49,125 --> 00:38:50,125 I promise. 730 00:38:51,666 --> 00:38:52,666 They can fix it. 731 00:38:54,125 --> 00:38:56,833 Hey! We fight each other, we lose. 732 00:38:57,583 --> 00:38:58,583 Dear God, it's him. 733 00:38:58,708 --> 00:39:00,583 - Who? - The One. 734 00:39:01,458 --> 00:39:03,500 The superhero equivalent to comfort-food or molly. 735 00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:07,750 White guy's answer to all their disappointments and another A-lister. 736 00:39:08,291 --> 00:39:09,291 Fair warning, gorgeous. 737 00:39:09,791 --> 00:39:11,791 You're going to encounter some indelicate language. 738 00:39:11,875 --> 00:39:15,833 A smidge of ass play, but we've been prohibited from using cocaine... on camera. 739 00:39:16,291 --> 00:39:17,583 - They're coming. - Who's they? 740 00:39:24,741 --> 00:39:26,250 Oh, they're driving angry. 741 00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:34,333 Now that's a superhero lead! 742 00:39:40,858 --> 00:39:42,358 I got this. 743 00:40:05,875 --> 00:40:06,875 Stay close. 744 00:40:07,833 --> 00:40:08,833 Aye-aye Captain. 745 00:40:09,958 --> 00:40:11,208 You got this. 746 00:40:13,875 --> 00:40:16,875 Cassandra is going to be giddy when she sees what we caught. 747 00:40:18,041 --> 00:40:20,041 You can't run. Everybody knows that. 748 00:40:20,416 --> 00:40:22,458 You see anyone running, dick-for-brains? 749 00:40:23,958 --> 00:40:25,638 You're not going to love what happens next. 750 00:40:25,708 --> 00:40:26,708 Oh, oh my God. 751 00:40:27,833 --> 00:40:29,875 Oh my God He's going to say it. 752 00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:32,665 Ha! Oh my God! He's going to say it! 753 00:40:32,666 --> 00:40:34,300 - Say, what? - Avengers, assemb... 754 00:40:34,350 --> 00:40:35,600 Flame on! 755 00:40:58,333 --> 00:40:59,500 Oh! Fuck! 756 00:41:04,458 --> 00:41:06,375 - We don't know that guy. - We thought we did. 757 00:41:06,916 --> 00:41:08,083 I know you. 758 00:41:08,583 --> 00:41:09,583 Holy sh... 759 00:41:11,750 --> 00:41:17,000 - Sabretooth, your brother. - Ready to die! 760 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,708 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time! 761 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,000 You look ridiculous. 762 00:41:22,833 --> 00:41:25,083 People have waited decades for this fight. 763 00:41:25,291 --> 00:41:26,582 It's not going to be easy. 764 00:41:26,583 --> 00:41:27,041 Baby knife! 765 00:41:27,042 --> 00:41:28,750 Shoot the double, take him down. 766 00:41:29,083 --> 00:41:31,083 Side control, then full mount and 767 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:34,374 ground and pound 'til he makes no sound because he's dead. 768 00:41:34,375 --> 00:41:36,208 - Shut the fuck up. - Oh my God. 769 00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:37,916 Okay, good luck. I'm a huge fan. 770 00:41:50,916 --> 00:41:51,916 What is it, girl? 771 00:41:52,416 --> 00:41:53,576 Is there trouble at the well? 772 00:41:59,541 --> 00:42:00,541 Big trouble. 773 00:42:01,125 --> 00:42:02,125 Behold! 774 00:42:02,583 --> 00:42:06,625 The head of your precious queen, Furiosa! 775 00:42:07,750 --> 00:42:08,833 I have the Wolverine. 776 00:42:09,833 --> 00:42:12,125 I alone control her. 777 00:42:12,916 --> 00:42:14,041 You come for me! 778 00:42:15,458 --> 00:42:17,166 You come for her. 779 00:42:19,666 --> 00:42:21,415 So sorry. I know it's pronounced him. 780 00:42:21,416 --> 00:42:23,291 I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear. 781 00:42:23,458 --> 00:42:24,083 Who's next? 782 00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:26,041 Toad! You're up. 783 00:42:34,458 --> 00:42:35,458 Uh-oh. 784 00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:36,500 Holy shi... 785 00:42:47,791 --> 00:42:48,791 God of Thunder. 786 00:42:53,416 --> 00:42:54,416 When was I asleep? 787 00:42:54,833 --> 00:42:56,000 Not all of you was asleep. 788 00:42:56,875 --> 00:42:57,875 Don't bother. 789 00:42:58,375 --> 00:42:59,375 They're very thorough. 790 00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:02,060 If you know where we are, start talking. 791 00:43:03,166 --> 00:43:04,166 You're in the void. 792 00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:05,916 Think of it as purgatory. 793 00:43:07,291 --> 00:43:09,083 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard 794 00:43:09,625 --> 00:43:12,876 where anything useless goes before it gets annihilated forever 795 00:43:12,877 --> 00:43:17,282 and where the TVA sends people that don't play nice with the rest of the multiverse. 796 00:43:17,541 --> 00:43:18,666 - Like you? - And you. 797 00:43:18,750 --> 00:43:19,830 What does the annihilating? 798 00:43:20,916 --> 00:43:21,916 Alioth. 799 00:43:22,125 --> 00:43:25,458 Alioth is in this thing? From Loki season one episode five? 800 00:43:25,791 --> 00:43:27,416 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 801 00:43:28,416 --> 00:43:29,416 Most, don't make it. 802 00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:31,161 There's a resistance though. 803 00:43:32,166 --> 00:43:34,375 Other people like us that manage to survive, 804 00:43:35,166 --> 00:43:38,583 they're hiding out in the border lands trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 805 00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:40,250 Then that's where we go. 806 00:43:40,875 --> 00:43:44,458 We? Us? A team? The answer is yes! Shake on it. 807 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:45,375 Fuck! 808 00:43:45,750 --> 00:43:48,333 You nicked it! Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 809 00:43:48,708 --> 00:43:51,625 These others can help us get back to the TVA. They can fix things. 810 00:43:53,916 --> 00:43:54,916 Something funny, Bub? 811 00:43:55,375 --> 00:43:57,055 She might have something to say about that. 812 00:43:57,583 --> 00:43:58,583 Who's she? 813 00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:00,750 In the void. 814 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,333 You're either food for Alioth or you work for her. 815 00:45:17,875 --> 00:45:19,458 Oh, Paul Rudd finally aged. 816 00:45:20,833 --> 00:45:23,000 Oh, you must be this year's Juggernaut. Thank you! 817 00:45:23,083 --> 00:45:25,375 I'd keep your voices down. She don't like the chatter. 818 00:45:25,666 --> 00:45:27,166 She's gonna love you. 819 00:45:43,083 --> 00:45:44,083 Is it Charles? 820 00:45:44,791 --> 00:45:46,750 Hey, hey, Chuck, it's us! 821 00:45:47,041 --> 00:45:48,041 That's not Chuck. 822 00:45:48,458 --> 00:45:49,458 Ah, shit. 823 00:45:50,750 --> 00:45:52,250 Oh, ableism, great. 824 00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:54,666 That's not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 825 00:45:55,208 --> 00:45:56,208 A Wolverine. 826 00:45:57,083 --> 00:45:59,166 I wondered when I'd get one of you. 827 00:46:00,250 --> 00:46:01,500 You're one of Xavier's. 828 00:46:01,541 --> 00:46:02,708 You know him, you know Chuck? 829 00:46:03,125 --> 00:46:04,125 Oh, I knew him. 830 00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:05,500 We shared a womb. 831 00:46:06,333 --> 00:46:09,458 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow with my umbilical cord. 832 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,666 Amen... I've never loved roommates. 833 00:46:12,208 --> 00:46:16,457 Mine's blind, except she could see cocaine for some reason. 834 00:46:16,458 --> 00:46:17,738 You wanna chime in, Your Majesty? 835 00:46:18,083 --> 00:46:19,375 I'm dying here. 836 00:46:19,416 --> 00:46:20,416 Who are you? 837 00:46:20,791 --> 00:46:23,208 Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova. 838 00:46:23,750 --> 00:46:25,350 - Bullshit. - Must've been an anal birth. 839 00:46:25,625 --> 00:46:26,750 You two are cute. 840 00:46:27,833 --> 00:46:29,291 I have a good feeling about this. 841 00:46:32,541 --> 00:46:34,665 And I've been trying to catch this little firefly... 842 00:46:34,666 --> 00:46:37,166 for years, haven't I, Johnny? 843 00:46:39,541 --> 00:46:41,341 You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 844 00:46:41,458 --> 00:46:43,916 Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 845 00:46:43,958 --> 00:46:44,708 Maybe shut up now. 846 00:46:44,709 --> 00:46:46,589 - Yeah, maybe don't - We were just talking here. 847 00:46:46,708 --> 00:46:49,999 Yeah, Johnny told us you're a psychotic, megalomaniacal asshole. 848 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,875 His word's not mine. Hell bent, on domination and pain. 849 00:46:54,458 --> 00:46:57,000 - You said all that about me. - No, no! 850 00:46:57,500 --> 00:46:58,540 I didn't say any of that! 851 00:46:58,541 --> 00:46:59,666 Get some stones, Johnny! 852 00:47:01,583 --> 00:47:02,750 I'll let her intimidate you. 853 00:47:03,833 --> 00:47:05,000 Like you said in the convoy. 854 00:47:05,416 --> 00:47:07,166 This finger-licking, dead inside, 855 00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:10,166 pixie slab of third-rate dime store nut milk 856 00:47:10,291 --> 00:47:14,125 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring and kick rocks all the way to bald-hell. 857 00:47:14,166 --> 00:47:17,415 I have never said any of those words in my entire life! 858 00:47:17,416 --> 00:47:18,416 The modesty! 859 00:47:18,541 --> 00:47:22,875 People think I'm a shit-talker, but this guy... next level. 860 00:47:22,916 --> 00:47:23,516 What? 861 00:47:23,541 --> 00:47:26,208 I don't even know what half of that means! 862 00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:28,541 My hat's off to you, sir, truly. 863 00:47:29,125 --> 00:47:32,916 I didn't... he's... that's... I, I, I don't... 864 00:47:37,591 --> 00:47:39,124 Not my favorite Chris. 865 00:47:39,125 --> 00:47:41,750 You stupid piece of shit, you just got him fucking killed! 866 00:47:42,041 --> 00:47:43,166 Hey, we're all grieving! 867 00:47:43,666 --> 00:47:45,546 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 868 00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:49,333 Alioth is hungry. 869 00:47:51,041 --> 00:47:52,361 There's been some kind of mistake. 870 00:47:52,708 --> 00:47:54,375 Big Yellow is a backup anchor-being, 871 00:47:54,666 --> 00:47:56,708 and I'm Marvel Jesus, MJ if you're nasty. 872 00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:59,481 This may be hard to hear, but there's another British villain. 873 00:47:59,916 --> 00:48:02,250 He's gonna destroy my universe, and I'm gonna stop him. 874 00:48:02,291 --> 00:48:04,791 Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as a world-saving type. 875 00:48:07,750 --> 00:48:08,750 Did I hit a nerve? 876 00:48:09,958 --> 00:48:11,278 I didn't want it to come to this. 877 00:48:12,250 --> 00:48:14,999 Either you help us, or my friend here is gonna sing the entire 878 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,500 second act of "Music Man", with zero warmup. 879 00:48:18,500 --> 00:48:19,540 Where'd you get the chair? 880 00:48:19,958 --> 00:48:21,958 Once in a while, I do get a Charles through here. 881 00:48:22,791 --> 00:48:24,625 Nevermind, though, no. 882 00:48:25,750 --> 00:48:27,416 He didn't care to find me. 883 00:48:27,916 --> 00:48:30,708 Ah, Gen-Z, and their trauma-bragging! 884 00:48:31,291 --> 00:48:33,749 Can't you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment 885 00:48:33,750 --> 00:48:35,333 or cancer like the rest of us? 886 00:48:35,666 --> 00:48:38,750 But I'm not like the rest of you... Except maybe the Wolverine. 887 00:48:39,541 --> 00:48:41,791 Now we could be truly terrifying together. 888 00:48:42,166 --> 00:48:43,250 You're that scary, huh? 889 00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:47,666 The TVA certainly thought so. They sent me here before I could walk. 890 00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:50,778 And you know, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. 891 00:48:51,666 --> 00:48:52,541 I love it here. 892 00:48:52,542 --> 00:48:53,708 You live in a garbage dump. 893 00:48:54,208 --> 00:48:56,541 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 894 00:48:57,291 --> 00:48:58,458 The void is a paradise. 895 00:48:59,166 --> 00:49:02,583 I can wield my power here without shame. 896 00:49:03,458 --> 00:49:06,500 Unfortunately, I had no Chales Xavier to teach me temperance. 897 00:49:07,333 --> 00:49:08,333 What about your Charles? 898 00:49:09,250 --> 00:49:10,250 Did he protect you? 899 00:49:11,375 --> 00:49:12,875 Did he make you feel safe? 900 00:49:13,583 --> 00:49:15,041 We're mutants, we're never safe. 901 00:49:24,750 --> 00:49:27,499 I don't want the smoke. I don't have any beef with you. 902 00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:30,458 I just want to save my friends. I just, I want to go home. 903 00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:32,958 - Well, the thing is, I could get you home. - Good. 904 00:49:33,250 --> 00:49:34,250 But I don't want to. 905 00:49:34,416 --> 00:49:35,416 Not good. 906 00:49:38,916 --> 00:49:40,833 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 907 00:49:41,375 --> 00:49:44,916 Uh, your fingers are inside me, but not in a good way. 908 00:49:45,166 --> 00:49:47,666 My brother could enter one's mind with a thought. 909 00:49:48,500 --> 00:49:50,208 I have to get my hands dirty. 910 00:49:50,916 --> 00:49:52,208 Oh, gosh. 911 00:49:53,625 --> 00:49:54,625 I've got you. 912 00:49:57,625 --> 00:49:58,625 I've got you. 913 00:50:04,166 --> 00:50:06,333 You're not here. 914 00:50:06,875 --> 00:50:10,000 - I'm right here. - No, you're not, I can't. 915 00:50:10,125 --> 00:50:11,291 I'm right here. 916 00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:13,250 Then show me you gotta do something. 917 00:50:14,916 --> 00:50:15,916 Show you what? 918 00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:19,833 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 919 00:50:20,458 --> 00:50:22,207 Ever since they turned 920 00:50:22,208 --> 00:50:23,500 you down, you took a knee. 921 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,125 Baby, you never got back up. 922 00:50:28,708 --> 00:50:30,188 I know you're going through something. 923 00:50:30,875 --> 00:50:32,125 Let me go through it with you. 924 00:50:34,041 --> 00:50:35,481 - Your crazy matches... - My crazy... 925 00:50:39,500 --> 00:50:40,500 Where'd you go? 926 00:50:41,250 --> 00:50:42,250 Oh my God. 927 00:50:45,583 --> 00:50:46,875 You just say it, okay? 928 00:50:48,458 --> 00:50:49,499 Say, "I don't want you... 929 00:50:49,500 --> 00:50:50,820 I don't want to be with you." 930 00:50:51,916 --> 00:50:53,499 Go ahead, say it, say it, say it, say it. 931 00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:55,940 You don't want to be with me. Tell me that and I'll walk away. 932 00:50:56,125 --> 00:50:57,125 Say, "I don't want you." 933 00:51:04,958 --> 00:51:06,833 You'll never fucking matter. 934 00:51:11,458 --> 00:51:12,458 What? 935 00:51:13,583 --> 00:51:15,500 You'll never fucking matter. 936 00:51:22,416 --> 00:51:24,448 You'll 937 00:51:24,449 --> 00:51:26,191 never 938 00:51:26,192 --> 00:51:28,515 fucking 939 00:51:28,516 --> 00:51:30,548 matter. 940 00:51:33,166 --> 00:51:34,375 She never said that. 941 00:51:34,500 --> 00:51:37,041 No, but I bet she thought it. 942 00:51:39,666 --> 00:51:40,666 You are so mean! 943 00:51:41,250 --> 00:51:43,625 My brain could taste your fingers and they tasted like hate. 944 00:51:44,458 --> 00:51:46,750 And we're in God's where's the intimacy coordinator? 945 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,041 You're so lost, Mr. Wilson. 946 00:51:50,250 --> 00:51:51,833 Long before you came here. 947 00:51:53,833 --> 00:51:56,458 This is Baby Knife, she's gonna fuck you in the face now. 948 00:51:56,500 --> 00:51:59,208 If you want to kill me, it's going to take more than a little bit. 949 00:51:59,791 --> 00:52:00,791 How about six? 950 00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:04,375 Ah, my boy, quick and strong. 951 00:52:05,208 --> 00:52:07,875 That's my big boy! Yes you are! 952 00:52:14,166 --> 00:52:15,541 Well, this has been fun, 953 00:52:15,916 --> 00:52:17,916 but the big guy needs to eat and the rent is due. 954 00:52:21,708 --> 00:52:23,291 By the way, you're the rent. 955 00:52:46,708 --> 00:52:47,916 - Coming or what? - Coming! 956 00:53:08,541 --> 00:53:09,582 What you thinking about? 957 00:53:09,583 --> 00:53:10,749 Get the fuck off of me. 958 00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:11,166 Shh, shh. 959 00:53:11,583 --> 00:53:12,250 Almost done. 960 00:53:12,333 --> 00:53:13,333 Almost done what? 961 00:53:13,500 --> 00:53:16,166 - Getting my knife out of your buttocks. - Ah, fuck! 962 00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:18,666 Go, get your mind out of my pants. 963 00:53:19,208 --> 00:53:19,875 I'm telling Blake. 964 00:53:20,125 --> 00:53:21,125 New rules. 965 00:53:21,666 --> 00:53:22,583 I talk now. 966 00:53:22,584 --> 00:53:24,142 That's gonna be very hard on the audience. 967 00:53:24,166 --> 00:53:25,458 Shut the fuck up! 968 00:53:25,875 --> 00:53:27,583 Let me fucking think. 969 00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:29,625 We gotta get back to paradox, right? 970 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,000 Right? 971 00:53:33,541 --> 00:53:35,665 "Je m'excuse"... Am I allowed to speak now or... 972 00:53:35,666 --> 00:53:37,208 Just nod, asshole. 973 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,000 Right. 974 00:53:40,458 --> 00:53:43,934 Then we find the Others that poor kid Johnny was talking about before you got him killed. 975 00:53:43,958 --> 00:53:45,041 Poor kid!? He's like 50! 976 00:53:45,375 --> 00:53:47,332 If there's a chance they know how to get out of here, 977 00:53:47,333 --> 00:53:51,208 we find him and make those TVA fuckers fix my shit like you fucking promised. 978 00:53:51,666 --> 00:53:52,666 I smell Quest. 979 00:53:55,583 --> 00:53:56,583 I smell food. 980 00:53:59,583 --> 00:54:03,208 So what made you finally wear an honest to God costume? 981 00:54:05,041 --> 00:54:06,708 Mine's red so they can't see me bleed. 982 00:54:07,250 --> 00:54:09,999 But I can see how yellow would be useful too. 983 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:11,240 Have you been checked for ADHD? 984 00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:17,041 But I've had several STDs, which were probably caused by ADHD. 985 00:54:18,966 --> 00:54:20,541 What are you looking for? 986 00:54:21,208 --> 00:54:22,208 Oh, fuck. Fuck. 987 00:54:23,833 --> 00:54:24,666 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 988 00:54:24,667 --> 00:54:26,665 That's rubbing alcohol. You don't wanna drink... 989 00:54:26,666 --> 00:54:28,166 Yeah, there you go. Fuck that liver. 990 00:54:31,250 --> 00:54:32,250 Okay. 991 00:54:32,875 --> 00:54:33,875 What the fuck are those? 992 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:38,041 Back in civilian life I wear a toupee. But nobody knows. 993 00:54:41,125 --> 00:54:43,000 Everybody knows. 994 00:54:45,833 --> 00:54:47,165 Wanna talk about what's haunting you 995 00:54:47,166 --> 00:54:49,250 or should we wait for a third act flashback? 996 00:54:50,208 --> 00:54:51,208 Go fuck yourself. 997 00:54:54,566 --> 00:54:55,566 You know, 998 00:54:57,500 --> 00:55:01,875 in my world, you're... well regarded. 999 00:55:02,583 --> 00:55:03,583 Yeah, well, not in mine. 1000 00:55:04,875 --> 00:55:06,665 They don't like me much in mine either. 1001 00:55:06,666 --> 00:55:07,666 You don't say. 1002 00:55:08,416 --> 00:55:09,456 I want it to be something. 1003 00:55:09,625 --> 00:55:12,458 You know, I've... Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1004 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:14,000 Fuck the Avengers. 1005 00:55:14,291 --> 00:55:17,208 I didn't make the cut though. Same with the X-Men. 1006 00:55:19,666 --> 00:55:21,947 - My girlfriend left me like this. - You had a girlfriend? 1007 00:55:22,500 --> 00:55:23,500 Yeah. 1008 00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:26,666 Vanessa, when we met, she was a dancer. 1009 00:55:27,958 --> 00:55:31,000 I mean, we had a whole life... It was good. 1010 00:55:32,083 --> 00:55:36,791 But oh boy, I just... fuck that right up. 1011 00:55:38,041 --> 00:55:39,958 But you, you were an X-Men. 1012 00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:42,000 Fuck that, you were the X-Men. 1013 00:55:44,283 --> 00:55:45,283 The Wolverine 1014 00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:49,123 He's a hero in that world. 1015 00:55:51,541 --> 00:55:54,625 Yeah, well... he ain't shit in mine. 1016 00:56:00,375 --> 00:56:02,291 You said Logan was a hero, what happened? 1017 00:56:03,666 --> 00:56:04,666 He died. 1018 00:56:05,541 --> 00:56:06,541 How? 1019 00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,290 Well, technically you were chest fucked by a tree, 1020 00:56:09,291 --> 00:56:12,125 but really he just ran out of batteries trying to save someone. 1021 00:56:12,625 --> 00:56:12,833 Who? 1022 00:56:13,625 --> 00:56:16,458 The shit heels that grew in a lab called her X-23. 1023 00:56:16,958 --> 00:56:18,541 But she was just a kid. 1024 00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:22,541 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1025 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:24,458 He died trying to save her. 1026 00:56:24,791 --> 00:56:25,791 It was beautiful. 1027 00:56:26,583 --> 00:56:28,625 Look, "mijo", I know you're hurt. 1028 00:56:29,583 --> 00:56:31,958 My blind, elderly African-American roommate, 1029 00:56:32,291 --> 00:56:34,791 Blind Al, always says that pain teaches us who we are. 1030 00:56:35,166 --> 00:56:37,915 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain instead of running from it. 1031 00:56:37,916 --> 00:56:39,333 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she's wise. 1032 00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:41,791 No, no, that's her name, you call her Blind Al. 1033 00:56:42,375 --> 00:56:43,375 Well, she's blind. 1034 00:57:20,958 --> 00:57:21,958 Look at you. 1035 00:57:22,250 --> 00:57:23,250 She's coming with us. 1036 00:57:23,416 --> 00:57:24,000 No, she's not. 1037 00:57:24,208 --> 00:57:25,083 Oh, yes, she is. 1038 00:57:25,085 --> 00:57:26,458 - Fuck no. - Oh, yes 1039 00:57:27,833 --> 00:57:28,833 Sorry about that. 1040 00:57:29,541 --> 00:57:30,541 Come here, girl. 1041 00:57:31,666 --> 00:57:32,666 Who are you? 1042 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,000 I'm Deadpool. 1043 00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:35,780 And I guess you're Deadpool too. 1044 00:57:36,166 --> 00:57:37,766 But in here, everybody calls me Nicepool. 1045 00:57:38,333 --> 00:57:40,733 Oh my goodness, wait until you see Ladypool. She is gorgeous! 1046 00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:44,208 She just had a baby too and... can't even tell. 1047 00:57:44,541 --> 00:57:45,976 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 1048 00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:47,000 That's okay. 1049 00:57:47,583 --> 00:57:49,458 - I identify as a feminist. - Right. 1050 00:57:51,791 --> 00:57:55,415 Are those gold-plated, 50 caliber Desert Eagle Pistoleros? 1051 00:57:55,416 --> 00:57:57,625 Of course... To match my ear huggy. 1052 00:57:57,958 --> 00:57:58,958 Can I have them? 1053 00:57:59,625 --> 00:58:01,000 Over my dead body. 1054 00:58:01,500 --> 00:58:02,500 You're fun. 1055 00:58:02,541 --> 00:58:04,707 And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins. 1056 00:58:04,708 --> 00:58:06,541 AKA Dogpool. 1057 00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:10,541 Be careful where you put your hand. She's 90% G-Spot, and she'll let you know it. 1058 00:58:11,083 --> 00:58:14,332 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second 1059 00:58:14,333 --> 00:58:16,416 and she starts shopping for a new papa. 1060 00:58:16,958 --> 00:58:18,999 If you can't be a responsible pet owner, 1061 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:20,920 then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn. 1062 00:58:21,875 --> 00:58:23,250 Guilty on all charges, your honor. 1063 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:25,000 Shan't happen again. 1064 00:58:25,125 --> 00:58:26,125 Why are you so nice? 1065 00:58:26,666 --> 00:58:27,833 It costs nothing to be kind. 1066 00:58:28,333 --> 00:58:30,458 - Shutting the fuck up is also free. - "Caliente". 1067 00:58:30,500 --> 00:58:31,500 This is Logan. 1068 00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:34,141 He's usually shirtless, but he's let himself go since the divorce. 1069 00:58:36,083 --> 00:58:37,083 Where's your mask? 1070 00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:40,800 Come on, guys. 1071 00:58:42,500 --> 00:58:43,500 Oh, this guy. 1072 00:58:43,625 --> 00:58:45,145 We're looking for a group of survivors. 1073 00:58:45,416 --> 00:58:46,416 Oh, they're out there. 1074 00:58:46,583 --> 00:58:49,583 But Merk to Merk, you better hope that you don't run into the Deadpool core. 1075 00:58:49,916 --> 00:58:53,999 Yeah, they're crazy. They will chop you up into a thousand pieces and hide you all over the void. 1076 00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:57,684 If they could only process their childhood trauma, they'd go on one heck of a healing journey. 1077 00:58:57,708 --> 00:59:00,101 Look, we're headed for the Borderlands. You know where it is? 1078 00:59:00,125 --> 00:59:02,041 Borderlands, yeah, that's 12 clicks... 1079 00:59:02,625 --> 00:59:04,500 do West. I can lend you my ride if you like. 1080 00:59:04,875 --> 00:59:06,075 It would be my honor. 1081 00:59:09,958 --> 00:59:10,666 Oh, no, no, no, no, 1082 00:59:10,667 --> 00:59:11,916 no, no, absolutely not. 1083 00:59:12,416 --> 00:59:13,458 Uh-uh, what the? 1084 00:59:13,500 --> 00:59:14,375 No, no. 1085 00:59:14,376 --> 00:59:16,125 - Just get in the car. - This isn't a car. 1086 00:59:16,500 --> 00:59:18,708 This is a Honda fucking Odyssey. 1087 00:59:19,125 --> 00:59:20,583 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1088 00:59:21,125 --> 00:59:22,249 Dated infotainment system. 1089 00:59:22,250 --> 00:59:25,516 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia was making a comeback, 1090 00:59:25,517 --> 00:59:27,781 they invented the Honda Odyssey... to compete. 1091 00:59:28,250 --> 00:59:30,750 Get in the fucking car. 1092 00:59:31,166 --> 00:59:32,566 She'll get you there safe and sound. 1093 00:59:33,083 --> 00:59:34,532 Ol' Betsy always does. 1094 00:59:34,533 --> 00:59:37,375 You're gonna have to give him a dog back though. 1095 00:59:37,750 --> 00:59:40,375 I know, listen. Yes child. 1096 00:59:40,791 --> 00:59:43,249 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, 1097 00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:46,166 or if something should happen to you, I'd love to be her papa. 1098 00:59:47,083 --> 00:59:48,500 What would ever happen to me? 1099 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,000 Lots of stuff. 1100 00:59:53,875 --> 00:59:55,333 No, we're running away. 1101 00:59:55,625 --> 00:59:58,291 Don't, the corn was too dense, girl. 1102 00:59:59,708 --> 01:00:00,708 Fuck! 1103 01:00:28,500 --> 01:00:31,208 Okay, I'm just gonna ask. 1104 01:00:31,458 --> 01:00:32,458 What's with the suit? 1105 01:00:32,625 --> 01:00:35,041 First thing I did when I flamed out, I took mine off. 1106 01:00:35,083 --> 01:00:36,499 - Drop it. - It's not that ugly. 1107 01:00:36,500 --> 01:00:38,392 - Stop talking about my sui... - Did you make it yourself? 1108 01:00:38,416 --> 01:00:39,874 - Been there. - Quit now. 1109 01:00:39,875 --> 01:00:42,708 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fucking bitches. 1110 01:00:43,208 --> 01:00:44,832 They are not your friends, I'll tell you that. 1111 01:00:44,833 --> 01:00:46,980 Friends don't let friends leave the house looking 1112 01:00:46,981 --> 01:00:49,040 like they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1113 01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:50,184 Shut the fuck up about the suit. 1114 01:00:50,208 --> 01:00:51,041 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1115 01:00:51,042 --> 01:00:53,684 Watch your frown lines, angel baby. I'm just trying to bond a little bit. 1116 01:00:53,708 --> 01:00:55,267 Yeah, well then talk about something else. 1117 01:00:55,291 --> 01:00:56,291 Fine. 1118 01:01:03,008 --> 01:01:04,008 Stop it. 1119 01:01:05,958 --> 01:01:06,916 If they can fix your world. 1120 01:01:06,917 --> 01:01:08,707 What's the first thing you're gonna do when you get out of here? 1121 01:01:08,708 --> 01:01:11,708 Some rubbing-alcohol shots? Maybe a wiper-fluid chaser? 1122 01:01:11,958 --> 01:01:12,958 What did you say? 1123 01:01:13,125 --> 01:01:13,916 So when you get back, 1124 01:01:13,917 --> 01:01:16,637 - what's the first thing you're gonna do? - No, no, no, before that. 1125 01:01:17,416 --> 01:01:19,000 If they can fix your world? 1126 01:01:23,166 --> 01:01:25,915 - What do you mean "if"? - I mean... 1127 01:01:25,916 --> 01:01:26,541 You lied to me. 1128 01:01:26,750 --> 01:01:29,309 You don't have a fucking clue if they can help me fix things, do you? 1129 01:01:29,333 --> 01:01:31,250 No, I mean... No, fuck! 1130 01:01:32,375 --> 01:01:32,708 Fuck! 1131 01:01:33,250 --> 01:01:34,499 - I didn't lie. - You lied. 1132 01:01:34,500 --> 01:01:36,333 No, I made an educated wish. 1133 01:01:38,375 --> 01:01:39,541 Because I need you. 1134 01:01:40,833 --> 01:01:42,500 This, this is why. 1135 01:01:43,041 --> 01:01:44,041 Right here. 1136 01:01:44,750 --> 01:01:46,430 Because if we don't do something, they die. 1137 01:01:46,583 --> 01:01:48,250 I don't know anything about saving worlds. 1138 01:01:48,875 --> 01:01:50,041 And why would I even care? 1139 01:01:50,500 --> 01:01:53,333 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1140 01:01:53,916 --> 01:01:57,916 It's only nine people, and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1141 01:01:59,125 --> 01:02:00,665 I know how to fuck people up for money, 1142 01:02:00,666 --> 01:02:03,000 but you, you, know how to save them. 1143 01:02:04,333 --> 01:02:05,653 At least the other Wolverine did. 1144 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:07,000 Oh, fuck! 1145 01:02:07,208 --> 01:02:09,083 I guess I'm stuck with the worst one. 1146 01:02:09,541 --> 01:02:11,957 Did you say you made an 1147 01:02:11,958 --> 01:02:14,875 educated fucking wish? 1148 01:02:15,208 --> 01:02:17,083 They call me the Merc with the Mouth. 1149 01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:21,458 They don't call me Truthful Timmy, the blow job queen of Saskatoon. 1150 01:02:25,375 --> 01:02:26,375 One more word. 1151 01:02:27,666 --> 01:02:29,291 Please give me one. 1152 01:02:32,333 --> 01:02:33,333 Gubernatorial. 1153 01:02:37,125 --> 01:02:38,565 You know what? You're a fucking joke. 1154 01:02:40,250 --> 01:02:41,915 No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. 1155 01:02:41,916 --> 01:02:43,796 Or the X-Men... and they'll take fuckin' anyone! 1156 01:02:44,500 --> 01:02:46,165 I mean, you are a 1157 01:02:46,166 --> 01:02:49,583 ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1158 01:02:50,291 --> 01:02:52,207 I have never met 1159 01:02:52,208 --> 01:02:54,625 a sadder, more attention-starved, 1160 01:02:54,833 --> 01:02:57,499 jabbering little prick in my entire life. 1161 01:02:57,500 --> 01:02:58,416 And that says a lot, 1162 01:02:58,417 --> 01:03:01,791 because I've been alive for more than 200 fucking years. 1163 01:03:02,166 --> 01:03:05,290 I'll tell ya, that bald chick was right about one thing. 1164 01:03:05,291 --> 01:03:07,458 You will never save the world. 1165 01:03:07,916 --> 01:03:12,166 You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper. 1166 01:03:12,666 --> 01:03:15,041 Motherfucker, I wish I could say you'll die alone, 1167 01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:19,625 but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, except that's on all of us. 1168 01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:26,250 You got nothing to say, 'Mouth? 1169 01:03:35,166 --> 01:03:36,500 I'm gonna fight you now. 1170 01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:51,000 How are you? 1171 01:03:51,166 --> 01:03:52,416 Not talkin' now, are you? 1172 01:03:59,291 --> 01:04:00,333 You dirty bitch! 1173 01:04:34,166 --> 01:04:35,166 No, no, no. 1174 01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:01,166 I take it all back, the Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1175 01:05:01,875 --> 01:05:03,166 Too bad you don't, needle dick. 1176 01:05:03,458 --> 01:05:05,000 Oh, we're just getting started, bub. 1177 01:06:03,041 --> 01:06:04,041 Thor! 1178 01:06:07,625 --> 01:06:08,041 Where are we? 1179 01:06:08,583 --> 01:06:11,458 No clue, but I like it here. 1180 01:07:10,166 --> 01:07:13,125 Okay, look at you... all. 1181 01:07:13,750 --> 01:07:14,750 You must be the Others. 1182 01:07:15,666 --> 01:07:16,666 Terrific. 1183 01:07:16,875 --> 01:07:20,250 So just to refresh, you are one... 1184 01:07:20,500 --> 01:07:21,707 - Elektra. - Elektra, yes. 1185 01:07:21,708 --> 01:07:22,708 Who could forget? 1186 01:07:23,458 --> 01:07:26,166 And you, I was not expecting to see you here, 1187 01:07:26,541 --> 01:07:28,791 thought you were... you know, retired. 1188 01:07:30,583 --> 01:07:31,583 Retarded? 1189 01:07:32,833 --> 01:07:33,833 Retired. 1190 01:07:33,875 --> 01:07:36,309 I'm already in the void. I'm not trying to get canceled again. 1191 01:07:36,333 --> 01:07:37,733 - I don't like you. - You never did. 1192 01:07:39,583 --> 01:07:43,125 And who's this succulent reminder of my own inadequacies? 1193 01:07:43,791 --> 01:07:47,208 Look at you. You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1194 01:07:48,250 --> 01:07:49,250 The name's Remy LeBeau. 1195 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,666 "Le Diable Blanc", but you can call me the Gambit. 1196 01:07:52,708 --> 01:07:55,250 It's been a while since I've seen Sling Blade hit me again. 1197 01:07:56,583 --> 01:07:57,666 They call me the Gambit. 1198 01:07:57,750 --> 01:07:58,208 Do they? 1199 01:07:58,209 --> 01:08:01,689 Are you sure you didn't just really, really want them to, but it never quite worked out? 1200 01:08:04,291 --> 01:08:06,166 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1201 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:10,041 But I can tell you now, it's just a common courtesy to ask 1202 01:08:10,541 --> 01:08:12,021 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1203 01:08:12,500 --> 01:08:13,980 It's a good thing I don't give a fuck. 1204 01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:23,000 So embarrassing. 1205 01:08:24,958 --> 01:08:26,707 Well, now that that's settled, look, we came a long 1206 01:08:26,708 --> 01:08:27,708 way to find you three. 1207 01:08:27,958 --> 01:08:29,398 - There's four of us. - There's four? 1208 01:08:29,666 --> 01:08:30,666 Wait, is it Magneto? 1209 01:08:31,291 --> 01:08:33,750 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, 1210 01:08:33,791 --> 01:08:35,375 because with him, - He's dead Fuck! 1211 01:08:35,458 --> 01:08:36,790 Now Disney gets cheap? 1212 01:08:36,791 --> 01:08:37,541 It's like Pinocchio 1213 01:08:37,542 --> 01:08:40,250 jammed his face in my ass and started lying like crazy. 1214 01:08:43,666 --> 01:08:45,833 Not a single word... what do you do exactly? 1215 01:08:46,666 --> 01:08:47,666 Charge the playing cards. 1216 01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:48,958 Make them go boom. 1217 01:08:49,250 --> 01:08:51,041 Your power is close-up magic, that's good. 1218 01:08:51,375 --> 01:08:52,655 We're not totally fucked at all. 1219 01:08:53,041 --> 01:08:54,250 Who brought us here? 1220 01:08:54,791 --> 01:08:55,791 That would be me. 1221 01:09:05,958 --> 01:09:07,416 Don't make me regret it. 1222 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,541 Holy shit, Logan, that's her, that's X-23. 1223 01:09:12,458 --> 01:09:13,698 She's the one I told you about. 1224 01:09:18,500 --> 01:09:20,250 How did you all get stuck in the void? 1225 01:09:20,666 --> 01:09:21,866 There was a knock at the door, 1226 01:09:22,250 --> 01:09:23,500 TVA sent me here. 1227 01:09:23,541 --> 01:09:23,958 Me too. 1228 01:09:24,208 --> 01:09:26,500 Maybe I was born here, so it's hard to know for sure. 1229 01:09:27,166 --> 01:09:29,041 TVA decided our universe was dying, 1230 01:09:30,291 --> 01:09:32,091 and I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1231 01:09:35,041 --> 01:09:36,583 People like us don't go quietly. 1232 01:09:37,333 --> 01:09:38,916 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1233 01:09:39,958 --> 01:09:41,625 The answer is yes, I'm in. 1234 01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:42,500 In what? 1235 01:09:42,875 --> 01:09:43,875 A team. 1236 01:09:43,958 --> 01:09:45,666 Me, you, you and me, all of us together. 1237 01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:47,374 Let's get the fuck out of this place. 1238 01:09:47,375 --> 01:09:50,500 - Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar. - It was an educated wish! 1239 01:09:51,208 --> 01:09:52,208 Look! 1240 01:09:54,250 --> 01:09:55,708 We've been inside Cassandra's lair. 1241 01:09:56,208 --> 01:09:58,625 The only way out of the void is through her. 1242 01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:00,000 She can get us home. 1243 01:10:00,250 --> 01:10:01,000 She told us. 1244 01:10:01,001 --> 01:10:04,083 Wait a minute, you've been inside? And you made it out alive? 1245 01:10:04,375 --> 01:10:06,208 Bullshit. Nobody's ever done that. 1246 01:10:06,250 --> 01:10:07,582 - We did. - Every time one of us... 1247 01:10:07,583 --> 01:10:09,916 has gone up against her, they die. 1248 01:10:10,708 --> 01:10:11,749 The Punisher, 1249 01:10:11,750 --> 01:10:13,250 the Quicksilver, the Daredevil. 1250 01:10:13,750 --> 01:10:15,541 - Daredevil, I'm so sorry. - It's fine. 1251 01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:16,800 Okay. 1252 01:10:18,833 --> 01:10:20,833 Even that sweet baby angel, Johnny Storm, 1253 01:10:21,916 --> 01:10:24,500 he up and going missing like, what, two days ago? 1254 01:10:25,416 --> 01:10:26,916 Ah, that's so sad. 1255 01:10:27,833 --> 01:10:30,291 Whoever this Johnny feller is, I'm sure he's thriving. 1256 01:10:31,666 --> 01:10:34,083 Look, there's strength in numbers, all right? 1257 01:10:34,291 --> 01:10:37,082 Us, plus you guys, we can put Cassandra over our knee 1258 01:10:37,083 --> 01:10:38,643 and force her to let us out of the void. 1259 01:10:38,875 --> 01:10:40,499 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1260 01:10:40,500 --> 01:10:42,166 - I don't feel that at all. - I'm good. 1261 01:10:42,208 --> 01:10:44,082 Gnawing a your gut like a coked up tape-worm. 1262 01:10:44,083 --> 01:10:45,934 It's like you're holding up a mirror to my soul. 1263 01:10:45,958 --> 01:10:48,118 You guys may not have been able to save your universes, 1264 01:10:48,833 --> 01:10:52,333 but you can avenge them. It's what Johnny would have wanted. 1265 01:10:52,583 --> 01:10:55,083 Wait, you knew Johnny? 1266 01:10:56,125 --> 01:10:57,125 Oh yeah. 1267 01:10:57,708 --> 01:10:59,499 Dick head here, talked him into a team-up. 1268 01:10:59,500 --> 01:11:01,999 And Johnny came down with a little case of "the deads". 1269 01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,374 No, no, no, no, we don't know that. 1270 01:11:03,375 --> 01:11:04,416 It was just a flesh wound. 1271 01:11:04,625 --> 01:11:05,665 He may have survived. 1272 01:11:05,666 --> 01:11:06,999 If he survived that, 1273 01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:10,125 - he is praying for death. - Thank you, Dr. Wolverine. 1274 01:11:10,250 --> 01:11:10,750 Spill-it! 1275 01:11:10,916 --> 01:11:13,500 What you do to Johnny, huh? Talk, or I'm gonna start dealing. 1276 01:11:13,791 --> 01:11:15,291 Okay, okay, hey, hey, hey. 1277 01:11:15,791 --> 01:11:18,541 Okay, he ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra, 1278 01:11:19,250 --> 01:11:20,875 and she zip-zapped his skin, 1279 01:11:21,166 --> 01:11:24,957 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground, while the soil greedily drank his blood. 1280 01:11:24,958 --> 01:11:27,125 It was horrible. He was like a brother to me. 1281 01:11:28,000 --> 01:11:30,499 Look, he died before he could make a difference, 1282 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:35,916 but maybe you couldn't save your world, but Jesus Christ, you could save mine. 1283 01:11:36,250 --> 01:11:37,957 I don't give a shit about your world, 1284 01:11:37,958 --> 01:11:40,749 but if these two made it out of there alive, 1285 01:11:40,750 --> 01:11:43,750 maybe together, we could get back in and take her down. 1286 01:11:43,791 --> 01:11:46,666 Where I come from... We call that suicide, "chère". 1287 01:11:46,750 --> 01:11:49,707 If we can block her psychic powers, we can get a leg up. 1288 01:11:49,708 --> 01:11:50,250 I know it. 1289 01:11:50,708 --> 01:11:51,916 Now, I know Magneto's dead, 1290 01:11:52,833 --> 01:11:56,000 but I venture a guess that his helmet is lying around here somewhere. 1291 01:11:56,041 --> 01:11:57,441 - Cassandra melted a helmet. - Fuck! 1292 01:11:57,500 --> 01:11:59,000 - After did she killed him. - Fuuuck! 1293 01:11:59,375 --> 01:12:00,415 She don't play. 1294 01:12:00,416 --> 01:12:01,790 She knows that helmet was the only way 1295 01:12:01,791 --> 01:12:03,208 to protect anyone from her powers. 1296 01:12:03,583 --> 01:12:05,517 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut's, 1297 01:12:05,541 --> 01:12:06,958 but he works for Cassandra. 1298 01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:08,874 - Juggernauts helmet, that's it. - And we know that lid... 1299 01:12:08,875 --> 01:12:11,582 ain't coming off without 'dat dong come off wid'it. 1300 01:12:11,583 --> 01:12:13,540 I'm so sorry, beautiful, I want this to be gentle. 1301 01:12:13,541 --> 01:12:14,791 Who is your dialect coach? 1302 01:12:15,166 --> 01:12:15,708 The minions? 1303 01:12:16,166 --> 01:12:18,958 I feel like we're missing critical exposition here. 1304 01:12:20,625 --> 01:12:22,500 I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of hiding. 1305 01:12:24,625 --> 01:12:26,265 Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1306 01:12:26,750 --> 01:12:28,457 Or never learned about us. 1307 01:12:28,458 --> 01:12:29,541 The heroes we were. 1308 01:12:29,958 --> 01:12:32,208 - Lives we saved. - Or wanted to save. 1309 01:12:32,875 --> 01:12:34,333 Maybe these two are our chance, 1310 01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:38,208 to be remembered the way we deserve. 1311 01:12:39,958 --> 01:12:40,291 Yes. 1312 01:12:40,708 --> 01:12:41,708 An ending 1313 01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:43,191 Legacy. 1314 01:12:43,583 --> 01:12:45,583 Yes, yes, let this man cook. 1315 01:12:45,916 --> 01:12:47,156 This is what I'm talking about. 1316 01:12:47,250 --> 01:12:50,374 Big slow-motion fight, sad music, everybody working together. 1317 01:12:50,375 --> 01:12:52,295 Who knows if you live or die, that sort of thing. 1318 01:12:52,416 --> 01:12:52,875 Who's ready? 1319 01:12:53,166 --> 01:12:54,166 I was born ready. 1320 01:12:54,541 --> 01:12:55,583 Yes, Gambit? 1321 01:12:55,625 --> 01:12:56,583 I ain't know my daddy, 1322 01:12:56,584 --> 01:12:58,375 but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1323 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:00,458 Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1324 01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,582 Yeah, he was laying dem buttery nuts all up in my mamma 1325 01:13:02,583 --> 01:13:04,663 and I shot out up there and I said, "What's up, doc?" 1326 01:13:05,500 --> 01:13:06,791 Johnny must've loved you. 1327 01:13:07,166 --> 01:13:08,916 X-23, what's it gonna be? 1328 01:13:09,458 --> 01:13:10,458 The name's Laura. 1329 01:13:10,583 --> 01:13:11,750 Let's fucking go. 1330 01:13:11,833 --> 01:13:13,458 Let's fucking go. 1331 01:13:13,916 --> 01:13:14,999 So, let's kick it and go. 1332 01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:16,165 Yeah, we're doing this. 1333 01:13:16,166 --> 01:13:17,499 You're all fucking dead. 1334 01:13:17,500 --> 01:13:19,083 My god, read the room. 1335 01:13:30,375 --> 01:13:32,500 I'm not looking for company. 1336 01:13:33,250 --> 01:13:34,583 Get out of here. 1337 01:13:35,833 --> 01:13:38,875 You remind me of him... Angry, drunk, mean. 1338 01:13:39,291 --> 01:13:41,131 - Sounds like a great guy. - I wasn't finished. 1339 01:13:43,291 --> 01:13:44,691 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1340 01:13:47,291 --> 01:13:48,458 Couldn't help it. 1341 01:13:52,291 --> 01:13:55,375 You might not know it, but you're a good man, Logan. 1342 01:13:56,458 --> 01:14:00,541 You might not know it, but apparently I'm the worst Logan. 1343 01:14:02,916 --> 01:14:04,375 I got to have a life because of you. 1344 01:14:07,666 --> 01:14:08,946 I got to grow up because of you. 1345 01:14:11,416 --> 01:14:12,416 A lot of kids did. 1346 01:14:12,916 --> 01:14:14,958 A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me. 1347 01:14:17,125 --> 01:14:18,458 Trust me, kid, I'm no hero. 1348 01:14:20,083 --> 01:14:21,166 That suit says different. 1349 01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:23,458 Yeah, you like it? 1350 01:14:26,333 --> 01:14:29,583 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1351 01:14:30,166 --> 01:14:32,375 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1352 01:14:34,958 --> 01:14:35,958 All of them. 1353 01:14:37,208 --> 01:14:38,750 Wanted me to be part of the team. 1354 01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:42,760 Told them they all looked fucking ridiculous. 1355 01:14:43,666 --> 01:14:48,250 I couldn't have them thinking I wanted to be there. 1356 01:14:53,833 --> 01:14:57,166 And then one day, while I was off on my own, the humans came. 1357 01:14:58,291 --> 01:14:59,291 And went mutant hunting. 1358 01:15:00,875 --> 01:15:01,875 I can guess the rest. 1359 01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:03,416 No, no, let me. 1360 01:15:04,550 --> 01:15:05,550 Let me say it. 1361 01:15:07,833 --> 01:15:10,166 I need to say it. 1362 01:15:12,291 --> 01:15:15,291 By the time I stumbled home shit-faced from the bar, it was too late. 1363 01:15:19,541 --> 01:15:20,708 They were dead, every... 1364 01:15:27,650 --> 01:15:31,208 This suit's all I got to remind me of who they were. 1365 01:15:32,508 --> 01:15:33,508 And what I did. 1366 01:15:46,833 --> 01:15:48,313 We're headed to Cassandra's at sun up. 1367 01:15:49,416 --> 01:15:50,875 Have fun, not my fight. 1368 01:15:54,083 --> 01:15:56,500 We won't pull this off without you. 1369 01:16:03,208 --> 01:16:05,875 Hey, whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1370 01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:10,300 You were always the wrong guy. 1371 01:16:37,041 --> 01:16:37,250 What? 1372 01:16:37,875 --> 01:16:39,000 Alioth didn't get them. 1373 01:16:40,291 --> 01:16:42,211 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1374 01:16:42,541 --> 01:16:43,166 They got away. 1375 01:16:43,416 --> 01:16:44,833 - Did they find the Others? - No. 1376 01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:47,708 - Good, all right. - The Others found them. 1377 01:16:47,750 --> 01:16:49,500 Oh, very cute, well done, Pyro. 1378 01:16:49,750 --> 01:16:51,351 Classic bait-and-switch, you really got me there. 1379 01:16:51,375 --> 01:16:52,375 Relax. 1380 01:16:53,083 --> 01:16:55,208 If they come after Nova, she'll handle it. 1381 01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,416 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1382 01:16:57,625 --> 01:16:59,705 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1383 01:16:59,916 --> 01:17:01,756 Thank God she's never chosen to leave the void. 1384 01:17:01,958 --> 01:17:04,500 The time-ripper is hours away from completion. 1385 01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:05,833 I cannot take any chances. 1386 01:17:06,250 --> 01:17:07,875 Maybe not, but I can. 1387 01:17:08,583 --> 01:17:09,208 For a price. 1388 01:17:09,541 --> 01:17:11,309 Why do you have to say it, in that silly voice? 1389 01:17:11,333 --> 01:17:12,333 It's so icky. 1390 01:17:12,500 --> 01:17:13,458 You want it done or not? 1391 01:17:13,500 --> 01:17:15,000 All right, your price. Take her out. 1392 01:17:17,125 --> 01:17:18,125 Mutants. 1393 01:17:40,250 --> 01:17:41,332 Look at that, yeah. 1394 01:17:41,333 --> 01:17:42,665 See them big ole hands come closing? 1395 01:17:42,666 --> 01:17:44,290 I don' wan' to end up inside dat? 1396 01:17:44,291 --> 01:17:45,582 What Gambit's trying to say is 1397 01:17:45,583 --> 01:17:48,458 getting Juggernaut's helmet ain't gonna be easy. 1398 01:17:48,666 --> 01:17:51,083 I'm just making stuff up with this. Yeah, tilt up to Blade. 1399 01:17:56,833 --> 01:17:58,233 Where do you get that little beauty? 1400 01:17:58,708 --> 01:18:00,250 That's Punisher's 18-4. 1401 01:18:00,791 --> 01:18:01,333 Which Punisher? 1402 01:18:01,625 --> 01:18:02,865 There's been like five of them. 1403 01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:04,036 There's only been one Blade. 1404 01:18:04,875 --> 01:18:06,315 There's only ever gonna be one Blade. 1405 01:19:18,625 --> 01:19:20,125 Oh, this is gonna be good. 1406 01:19:20,666 --> 01:19:22,625 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 1407 01:19:23,458 --> 01:19:25,416 Whoo, I'm about to make a name for myself here. 1408 01:19:25,791 --> 01:19:27,624 I don't think you guys walk away from this. 1409 01:19:27,625 --> 01:19:29,825 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1410 01:19:29,875 --> 01:19:32,075 When you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1411 01:19:32,208 --> 01:19:33,666 You just stay on our six, get inside. 1412 01:19:34,458 --> 01:19:35,858 We'll make sure you get the package. 1413 01:19:36,875 --> 01:19:37,875 And we'll get our ending. 1414 01:21:21,083 --> 01:21:23,203 Some motherfucker's still trying to ice skate up here. 1415 01:21:30,083 --> 01:21:32,000 You two escaping I could live with, 1416 01:21:32,458 --> 01:21:34,750 but coming back, willingly. 1417 01:21:36,916 --> 01:21:38,125 Boys are so silly. 1418 01:21:38,625 --> 01:21:39,666 I just need to get home. 1419 01:21:39,916 --> 01:21:41,916 Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid. 1420 01:21:42,458 --> 01:21:45,750 It's death or enslavement. "à la carte", of course. 1421 01:21:46,083 --> 01:21:47,083 Upsy daisy! 1422 01:21:52,833 --> 01:21:55,583 Finally, it's nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1423 01:21:55,875 --> 01:21:56,875 Not my strong suit. 1424 01:22:15,750 --> 01:22:16,750 Shouldn't have done dat. 1425 01:22:36,916 --> 01:22:37,916 Adios, pendejo. 1426 01:22:40,166 --> 01:22:42,166 You are an interesting one, aren't you? 1427 01:22:43,375 --> 01:22:46,041 I do feel like you get lost behind all of this. 1428 01:22:49,625 --> 01:22:51,791 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in the void. 1429 01:22:53,000 --> 01:22:57,541 But you, what's going on in here? 1430 01:23:11,666 --> 01:23:12,666 Interesting. 1431 01:23:13,958 --> 01:23:16,083 Not what I expected back here. 1432 01:23:16,916 --> 01:23:17,916 Behind the anger. 1433 01:23:22,291 --> 01:23:23,958 You're hiding... from them, 1434 01:23:24,916 --> 01:23:26,916 from all the ones you let down. 1435 01:23:29,750 --> 01:23:30,750 So much pain. 1436 01:23:33,625 --> 01:23:34,625 I walked away. 1437 01:23:35,958 --> 01:23:38,500 They called after me and I walked away. 1438 01:23:39,750 --> 01:23:40,750 I always do. 1439 01:23:41,416 --> 01:23:42,416 I know. 1440 01:23:44,458 --> 01:23:47,041 That's not all you did, is it? 1441 01:23:50,875 --> 01:23:53,916 You found them, the X-Men. 1442 01:23:59,875 --> 01:24:00,875 Dead. 1443 01:24:06,083 --> 01:24:07,125 What did you do? 1444 01:24:10,083 --> 01:24:13,000 I started killing... and I couldn't stop. 1445 01:24:13,458 --> 01:24:14,458 I didn't want to stop. 1446 01:24:16,291 --> 01:24:18,458 All those bad men. 1447 01:24:22,666 --> 01:24:23,958 It's not just the bad ones. 1448 01:24:25,875 --> 01:24:26,875 My little animal. 1449 01:24:29,875 --> 01:24:32,416 I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 1450 01:24:39,666 --> 01:24:41,166 Just once... 1451 01:24:42,458 --> 01:24:45,083 I want to be the man that Charles thought I was. 1452 01:24:46,291 --> 01:24:52,875 Logan, in the void you can be, what you are. 1453 01:24:54,375 --> 01:24:56,333 I just want to be free. 1454 01:24:57,625 --> 01:24:59,291 I can set you free. 1455 01:25:10,291 --> 01:25:15,544 I can silence all those voices. 1456 01:25:22,958 --> 01:25:23,958 I've got you. 1457 01:25:25,958 --> 01:25:26,958 I've got you. 1458 01:25:27,583 --> 01:25:28,583 No... 1459 01:25:29,638 --> 01:25:30,808 I got you. 1460 01:25:39,875 --> 01:25:40,875 Get... It... Off! 1461 01:25:41,875 --> 01:25:44,750 You're gonna send us home or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off. 1462 01:25:45,083 --> 01:25:46,083 Why are you laughing? 1463 01:25:46,458 --> 01:25:48,499 I can't send you unless you 1464 01:25:48,500 --> 01:25:50,041 get this thing off my head. 1465 01:25:50,875 --> 01:25:52,250 And as soon as you do that, 1466 01:25:52,541 --> 01:25:54,999 I'm going to boil your brains on an atomic level 1467 01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:58,124 whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 1468 01:25:58,125 --> 01:25:59,458 There's an Enya box set? 1469 01:25:59,500 --> 01:26:02,000 Either you kill me or I kill you. 1470 01:26:02,958 --> 01:26:04,125 Both wonderful options. 1471 01:26:04,958 --> 01:26:05,958 You want me to do it? 1472 01:26:06,500 --> 01:26:07,540 No, I'll do it. 1473 01:26:07,541 --> 01:26:09,790 I have her neck right here, it's really no problem. 1474 01:26:09,791 --> 01:26:10,458 You'll screw it up. 1475 01:26:10,459 --> 01:26:13,000 Oh come on, Mr. PG-13 except the last one. 1476 01:26:14,041 --> 01:26:15,041 What the fuck? 1477 01:26:16,458 --> 01:26:17,582 No, no, no. 1478 01:26:17,583 --> 01:26:19,500 You have no idea what it's like. 1479 01:26:20,291 --> 01:26:22,500 Day after day, shovel the shit. 1480 01:26:23,041 --> 01:26:24,041 Fetch the meats. 1481 01:26:24,583 --> 01:26:26,416 I have spent my entire... 1482 01:26:29,416 --> 01:26:30,541 Not everyone gets a speech. 1483 01:26:32,958 --> 01:26:33,958 She's gonna die. 1484 01:26:34,166 --> 01:26:35,806 Okay, hey, hey. If I take this helmet off, 1485 01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:37,200 you promise you won't kill us. 1486 01:26:37,708 --> 01:26:40,000 I promise I will kill you first. 1487 01:26:40,541 --> 01:26:41,625 Why are you like this? 1488 01:26:41,916 --> 01:26:42,916 I wish I knew. 1489 01:26:43,458 --> 01:26:43,875 Take it off. 1490 01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:45,416 - What? - Take it off. 1491 01:26:45,458 --> 01:26:46,333 - Why? - Just take it off. 1492 01:26:46,375 --> 01:26:48,083 This is our only chance to fix our shit. 1493 01:26:48,166 --> 01:26:49,166 Take it off! 1494 01:26:51,208 --> 01:26:52,208 I am wearing a suit. 1495 01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:54,874 And that means a lot of things, 1496 01:26:54,875 --> 01:26:58,166 but most of all, it means I'm an X-Man. 1497 01:26:59,750 --> 01:27:00,750 And I know your brother. 1498 01:27:03,208 --> 01:27:04,957 As much as I wanna fucking kill you, 1499 01:27:04,958 --> 01:27:07,166 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you. 1500 01:27:07,541 --> 01:27:10,416 He would not let me stand here and watch you die. 1501 01:27:13,000 --> 01:27:14,000 Take your hands off. 1502 01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:16,916 This is for him. 1503 01:27:17,750 --> 01:27:19,916 This is for Charles. 1504 01:27:31,666 --> 01:27:33,208 Don't you dare do me like Johnny. 1505 01:27:39,958 --> 01:27:40,958 My brother loved you. 1506 01:27:42,875 --> 01:27:43,875 He loved all of us? 1507 01:27:45,666 --> 01:27:47,875 Hmm. Must be nice. 1508 01:27:49,291 --> 01:27:50,411 He would have loved you too. 1509 01:27:53,333 --> 01:27:54,375 If he knew about you, 1510 01:27:56,333 --> 01:27:58,540 if he knew where you were, he would have torn a 1511 01:27:58,541 --> 01:28:01,000 hole in the fucking universe to bring you home. 1512 01:28:05,041 --> 01:28:06,041 This is home. 1513 01:28:07,208 --> 01:28:08,541 At least let us save his. 1514 01:28:13,083 --> 01:28:14,625 You wanna hear something crazy? 1515 01:28:16,958 --> 01:28:19,750 An a mature magician rolled through here a while back. 1516 01:28:20,625 --> 01:28:21,916 I killed him, of course, 1517 01:28:22,916 --> 01:28:24,916 wore his skin around for four days. 1518 01:28:26,291 --> 01:28:32,625 But I found this little trinket on his lovely fingers. 1519 01:28:33,125 --> 01:28:34,125 Strange... 1520 01:28:37,375 --> 01:28:38,625 Marvel sparkle circle. 1521 01:28:39,083 --> 01:28:41,625 - What is that? - This is your way home. 1522 01:28:42,125 --> 01:28:45,750 I do owe you for saving my life, but let's keep things interesting. 1523 01:28:46,166 --> 01:28:49,083 I'd say you have about four seconds before you're Alioth's food. 1524 01:28:53,975 --> 01:28:54,975 Race you. 1525 01:30:18,416 --> 01:30:20,416 You got a standard three year 1526 01:30:20,500 --> 01:30:21,541 bumper-to-bumper warranty. 1527 01:30:21,916 --> 01:30:23,250 Glad you gave us a second chance. 1528 01:30:23,791 --> 01:30:25,415 And don't worry, Wade and I are a team, 1529 01:30:25,416 --> 01:30:26,816 so I'll see he gets half the comi... 1530 01:30:28,875 --> 01:30:31,707 That feels like a Kia 1531 01:30:31,708 --> 01:30:33,708 It's that kid's car, wasn't it? 1532 01:30:35,875 --> 01:30:38,166 Holy shit, that's Deadpool. 1533 01:30:39,008 --> 01:30:39,750 That's Wolverine. 1534 01:30:39,751 --> 01:30:40,875 You damn straight it is. 1535 01:30:41,333 --> 01:30:43,082 Fox killed him. Disney brought him back. 1536 01:30:43,083 --> 01:30:44,833 They're gonna make him do this till he's 90. 1537 01:30:45,583 --> 01:30:46,583 Let's go. 1538 01:30:47,250 --> 01:30:49,000 - I'll clock you out. - Forever. 1539 01:30:50,791 --> 01:30:51,791 Forever. 1540 01:30:59,041 --> 01:31:00,041 Wakey wakey. 1541 01:31:00,458 --> 01:31:01,458 God. 1542 01:31:03,166 --> 01:31:05,540 Now you put all these bullets in my belly 1543 01:31:05,541 --> 01:31:07,916 and I'm gonna find out why. 1544 01:31:08,625 --> 01:31:09,625 Whoa, whoa! 1545 01:31:10,708 --> 01:31:11,708 I'll just say it! 1546 01:31:12,416 --> 01:31:14,333 You don't have to stick your fingers in me. 1547 01:31:14,625 --> 01:31:16,416 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 1548 01:31:17,333 --> 01:31:18,333 Fine. 1549 01:31:19,308 --> 01:31:20,308 Really? 1550 01:31:21,083 --> 01:31:22,083 Hands in pockets. 1551 01:31:23,958 --> 01:31:24,958 A guy named Paradox. 1552 01:31:25,958 --> 01:31:27,358 He said he'd get me out of the void. 1553 01:31:27,500 --> 01:31:28,860 All I know is he works for the TVA. 1554 01:31:29,291 --> 01:31:31,458 The TVA? We had an agreement. 1555 01:31:31,708 --> 01:31:33,000 I don't think this guy cares. 1556 01:31:33,666 --> 01:31:35,416 Huh, he will. 1557 01:31:36,333 --> 01:31:39,375 Hey people, how much longer before the time-ripper is active? 1558 01:31:39,666 --> 01:31:41,146 We're running the final safety checks. 1559 01:31:41,791 --> 01:31:44,392 Oh, okay, all right, thanks for all your hard work, Ralph, tip-top! 1560 01:31:44,416 --> 01:31:45,416 Really? 1561 01:31:45,750 --> 01:31:48,458 No, you drooling boob. No, we have company, 1562 01:31:48,708 --> 01:31:49,708 cancel the safety checks. 1563 01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,166 We need to be live now. 1564 01:31:51,625 --> 01:31:53,000 Oh, I hate you so much! 1565 01:31:55,791 --> 01:31:57,833 No, stop, piss off, you're too late. 1566 01:31:57,966 --> 01:31:58,966 You're fucking done. 1567 01:31:59,083 --> 01:32:01,582 - Why was Thor crying? - How dare you? 1568 01:32:01,583 --> 01:32:03,208 No one comes back from the void. 1569 01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:04,750 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 1570 01:32:13,875 --> 01:32:15,625 Paradox, we have a problem. 1571 01:32:18,666 --> 01:32:19,666 Paradox? 1572 01:32:22,291 --> 01:32:24,625 Well, you are dourier than you looked in Pyro's head, 1573 01:32:25,041 --> 01:32:26,125 you tried to kill me. 1574 01:32:26,375 --> 01:32:27,458 I literally have no idea. 1575 01:32:28,708 --> 01:32:31,625 You come for the king, you better kill the king. 1576 01:32:32,041 --> 01:32:35,291 Oh, welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 1577 01:32:35,625 --> 01:32:37,666 You know she doesn't wash that hand. 1578 01:32:38,041 --> 01:32:40,041 Oh, what's this? 1579 01:32:42,125 --> 01:32:44,333 A time-ripper? Naughty boy. 1580 01:32:44,375 --> 01:32:45,707 Oh no, we're on it, we're gonna head down 1581 01:32:45,708 --> 01:32:46,999 and dismantle that thing now. 1582 01:32:47,000 --> 01:32:48,960 We got you, boo, you just keep playing those keys. 1583 01:32:49,458 --> 01:32:51,000 I don't want to destroy it. 1584 01:32:51,625 --> 01:32:52,916 I want to use it. 1585 01:32:53,541 --> 01:32:55,666 Now shoo, mommy and daddy are having a conversation. 1586 01:33:01,750 --> 01:33:03,875 You know, the funny thing is... 1587 01:33:04,625 --> 01:33:05,875 I was happy in the void. 1588 01:33:07,208 --> 01:33:09,958 You sent no trash to me, Alioth and I cleaned it up. 1589 01:33:10,375 --> 01:33:12,000 Everyone was happy. 1590 01:33:13,083 --> 01:33:15,791 And you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 1591 01:33:16,375 --> 01:33:18,125 And so now the fence must come down. 1592 01:33:19,416 --> 01:33:20,976 I'm going to use your little time-ripper 1593 01:33:21,500 --> 01:33:23,083 and I'm going to destroy this universe 1594 01:33:24,125 --> 01:33:26,875 and the next and the next and the next 1595 01:33:27,000 --> 01:33:29,416 until all that's left is the void. 1596 01:33:30,708 --> 01:33:32,375 And I get to play God. 1597 01:33:33,125 --> 01:33:34,125 Come on. 1598 01:33:34,791 --> 01:33:36,124 Now, who are going to show me how to use 1599 01:33:36,125 --> 01:33:37,416 this fancy gadget of yours 1600 01:33:37,625 --> 01:33:40,666 Don't worry, I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed. 1601 01:33:44,500 --> 01:33:46,940 Sorry to bother, madam, but there's something you need to see. 1602 01:33:47,375 --> 01:33:49,791 We're getting indications of an unsanctioned time-ripper 1603 01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:51,708 activating on Earth 10005. 1604 01:33:54,000 --> 01:33:56,625 - Whose district is that? - Paradox. 1605 01:34:07,666 --> 01:34:09,958 Thank you so much for your help, darling. 1606 01:34:10,708 --> 01:34:12,583 God, good to get out of that head. 1607 01:34:12,916 --> 01:34:14,125 What a mess. 1608 01:34:22,791 --> 01:34:23,000 Stop. 1609 01:34:23,666 --> 01:34:25,426 Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear. 1610 01:34:25,583 --> 01:34:26,583 Go, go, go, go. 1611 01:34:26,916 --> 01:34:27,916 Oh my God. 1612 01:34:32,791 --> 01:34:34,875 Oh my God. 1613 01:34:45,833 --> 01:34:46,833 Come on, girl. 1614 01:34:53,791 --> 01:34:55,041 Come on, girl. 1615 01:35:10,250 --> 01:35:13,625 That's my girl, we don't have to be apart ever, ever again. 1616 01:35:14,083 --> 01:35:14,791 Never, ever again. 1617 01:35:15,083 --> 01:35:16,083 - Sorry. - Fuck! 1618 01:35:17,208 --> 01:35:19,000 What's cafe gratitude doing here? 1619 01:35:19,250 --> 01:35:20,250 Sorry about that. 1620 01:35:20,458 --> 01:35:23,708 Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. I'll handle him... 1621 01:35:24,333 --> 01:35:25,540 Come here, girl. Papa is here. 1622 01:35:25,541 --> 01:35:27,791 Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. 1623 01:35:28,583 --> 01:35:30,375 She can decide who her papa is. 1624 01:35:30,833 --> 01:35:32,033 What's it gonna be, girl, huh? 1625 01:35:32,083 --> 01:35:34,500 Original recipe? Or "Van Milder" here? 1626 01:35:34,958 --> 01:35:35,958 Oh, it's funny. 1627 01:35:36,208 --> 01:35:37,958 I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 1628 01:35:38,583 --> 01:35:39,583 The proposal. 1629 01:35:41,583 --> 01:35:42,583 The fuck was that? 1630 01:35:42,791 --> 01:35:44,125 Bitch, you think that's what I do? 1631 01:35:44,250 --> 01:35:45,250 Both of you, shut up. 1632 01:35:46,375 --> 01:35:48,083 - You smell something? - Yeah, you. 1633 01:35:49,375 --> 01:35:50,491 A lot of you. 1634 01:36:05,916 --> 01:36:07,956 I told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 1635 01:36:19,791 --> 01:36:20,791 That's bad. 1636 01:36:42,916 --> 01:36:44,458 I take it they're not friendly. 1637 01:36:44,708 --> 01:36:45,458 Goodness, no. 1638 01:36:45,666 --> 01:36:46,666 Sorry about this, boys. 1639 01:36:46,916 --> 01:36:47,375 Mission over. 1640 01:36:47,416 --> 01:36:50,625 Cause of death, 100. Kill thirsty Deadpools. 1641 01:36:50,875 --> 01:36:52,625 They're dumb, but they can fight. 1642 01:36:53,083 --> 01:36:54,957 Not me though. I'd love to get in the mix, 1643 01:36:54,958 --> 01:36:57,791 but I have low bone density and I have to keep my face safe. 1644 01:36:59,000 --> 01:36:59,416 Hold please. 1645 01:36:59,417 --> 01:37:00,083 Oh, God. 1646 01:37:00,083 --> 01:37:01,083 All right, look. 1647 01:37:01,916 --> 01:37:02,916 Guys! 1648 01:37:04,166 --> 01:37:05,333 Deadpool Prime here. 1649 01:37:06,125 --> 01:37:07,374 Our fight isn't with you. 1650 01:37:07,375 --> 01:37:08,750 Hey, when I want your opinion, 1651 01:37:09,083 --> 01:37:11,291 I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth. 1652 01:37:11,333 --> 01:37:12,875 That's Kidpool, she's the dirtiest. 1653 01:37:13,125 --> 01:37:16,166 - Can we just be done? - Ooh, we're just getting started. 1654 01:37:16,208 --> 01:37:16,750 No, no, no, no, no. 1655 01:37:17,000 --> 01:37:19,166 With the whole multiverse thing. 1656 01:37:20,750 --> 01:37:21,750 It's not great. 1657 01:37:22,000 --> 01:37:26,791 It's just been miss after miss after miss. 1658 01:37:27,500 --> 01:37:30,749 Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first and they did it best. 1659 01:37:30,750 --> 01:37:33,375 The gays knew it, but we didn't listen. 1660 01:37:34,083 --> 01:37:36,999 Let's just take the I and move on. 1661 01:37:37,000 --> 01:37:39,291 I think it's been steadily great since Endgame. 1662 01:37:39,541 --> 01:37:42,582 What are you talking about? The multiverse is over. 1663 01:37:42,583 --> 01:37:45,000 Cassandy's gonna destroy the fuck out of every timelime. 1664 01:37:45,958 --> 01:37:47,290 Y'all can't do shit about it. 1665 01:37:47,291 --> 01:37:47,958 Do you not get it? 1666 01:37:48,208 --> 01:37:50,684 If we don't get down to the subway, and stop her or we all die. 1667 01:37:50,708 --> 01:37:52,750 Say the boss lady don't want no disturbance. 1668 01:37:53,000 --> 01:37:54,280 You wanna get down to the subway? 1669 01:37:54,541 --> 01:37:55,791 You gotta go through us! 1670 01:37:55,875 --> 01:37:56,875 Uzi time, baby. 1671 01:37:57,375 --> 01:37:58,125 Uzi time, baby. 1672 01:37:58,375 --> 01:37:59,375 Look alive. 1673 01:38:07,541 --> 01:38:09,458 I think I'm hit. 1674 01:38:09,833 --> 01:38:11,458 No shit?! You did that on purpose! 1675 01:38:11,708 --> 01:38:12,875 I did no such thing! 1676 01:38:13,208 --> 01:38:14,208 Listen to me, gorgeous. 1677 01:38:14,375 --> 01:38:16,095 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 1678 01:38:16,208 --> 01:38:17,208 Regenerate? 1679 01:38:22,625 --> 01:38:25,457 You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? 1680 01:38:25,458 --> 01:38:25,750 I'm okay. 1681 01:38:26,083 --> 01:38:28,666 How dare you, you insensitive son of a bitch. 1682 01:38:28,958 --> 01:38:30,878 How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate? 1683 01:38:31,041 --> 01:38:32,083 I'm not a medicine woman. 1684 01:38:32,708 --> 01:38:35,083 Look, a donut cart. They're practically hospitals. 1685 01:38:35,375 --> 01:38:37,255 - They sell portable triage units. - They don't. 1686 01:38:37,291 --> 01:38:39,000 - I'm gonna get you to safety. - He's not. 1687 01:38:39,083 --> 01:38:40,083 Deep breath. 1688 01:38:48,541 --> 01:38:50,416 Hey, why are we stopping? 1689 01:38:50,833 --> 01:38:53,250 Just catching my breath. Are your legs on vacation? 1690 01:38:53,791 --> 01:38:54,791 You're dead weight. 1691 01:38:55,083 --> 01:38:56,250 Just because I'm paralyzed. 1692 01:38:56,583 --> 01:38:58,500 We all have problems. Listen to me. 1693 01:38:59,041 --> 01:39:00,041 You're gonna live. 1694 01:39:00,958 --> 01:39:01,958 Look at me, Nicepool. 1695 01:39:06,333 --> 01:39:07,333 You're gonna live. 1696 01:39:08,083 --> 01:39:09,083 Say it. 1697 01:39:09,833 --> 01:39:10,833 I'm gonna live. 1698 01:39:11,625 --> 01:39:12,625 Say it with me. 1699 01:39:13,083 --> 01:39:13,916 You're gonna live. 1700 01:39:13,966 --> 01:39:14,966 I'm gonna live. 1701 01:39:15,708 --> 01:39:16,708 Ha ha. 1702 01:39:17,500 --> 01:39:18,958 Say it louder! 1703 01:39:19,416 --> 01:39:20,416 I'm gonna live. 1704 01:39:27,375 --> 01:39:30,375 Hold your fire. 1705 01:39:32,708 --> 01:39:33,708 Sweet little puppy. 1706 01:39:45,583 --> 01:39:47,000 I don't think he's gonna make it. 1707 01:39:47,833 --> 01:39:49,166 God, he loved his face. 1708 01:39:49,958 --> 01:39:51,750 I could taste his final thought. 1709 01:39:52,291 --> 01:39:53,291 He was so afraid. 1710 01:39:54,000 --> 01:39:55,000 But he died a hero. 1711 01:39:55,125 --> 01:39:57,082 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 1712 01:39:57,083 --> 01:39:58,458 All I have to remember him by 1713 01:39:59,958 --> 01:40:01,874 are these two gold-plated, 1714 01:40:01,875 --> 01:40:03,541 50 caliber desert eagle pistoleros. 1715 01:40:03,958 --> 01:40:06,125 This is for him. Are you ready? 1716 01:40:07,166 --> 01:40:10,166 I get to kill 100 yous? Fuck yeah, I'm ready. 1717 01:40:11,583 --> 01:40:14,083 - You don't wanna see this, bub. - That's a good girl. 1718 01:40:51,208 --> 01:40:52,208 Holy shit. 1719 01:40:52,791 --> 01:40:54,631 You saved the good stuff for special occasions? 1720 01:40:55,050 --> 01:40:56,050 Killing mostly. 1721 01:40:56,458 --> 01:40:58,750 What's the wind resistance on those blow job handles? 1722 01:41:00,333 --> 01:41:02,791 Sorry, I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous! 1723 01:41:03,500 --> 01:41:05,833 All right, let's do this. Maximum effort. 1724 01:42:13,375 --> 01:42:14,375 Mother fucker! 1725 01:42:15,208 --> 01:42:16,208 I wish I was deaf! 1726 01:42:52,458 --> 01:42:55,375 Come on, I blew it. 1727 01:42:55,791 --> 01:42:57,119 After all that, the only thing 1728 01:42:57,120 --> 01:42:58,183 you're gonna remember is 1729 01:42:58,184 --> 01:42:59,246 that god-awful dismount. 1730 01:43:04,000 --> 01:43:06,208 What are you laughing at, little fucker? 1731 01:43:07,833 --> 01:43:08,833 Uh-oh. 1732 01:43:13,000 --> 01:43:14,208 I guess these ones regenerate. 1733 01:43:16,708 --> 01:43:18,875 Come on, we don't have time for this! 1734 01:43:19,375 --> 01:43:21,291 Deadpools, stand down! 1735 01:43:32,083 --> 01:43:33,625 This Deadpool is with me. 1736 01:43:33,875 --> 01:43:34,875 Oh no. 1737 01:43:35,250 --> 01:43:36,041 Holy shit. 1738 01:43:36,208 --> 01:43:37,208 That's fucking Peter. 1739 01:43:41,000 --> 01:43:42,375 Wait, you guys know Peter? 1740 01:43:42,833 --> 01:43:44,833 Are you kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 1741 01:43:45,041 --> 01:43:48,625 Shit, Peter's a god damn legend in every Deadpool's world. 1742 01:43:48,958 --> 01:43:50,875 Peter-san, hay! 1743 01:44:06,541 --> 01:44:07,541 Enjoy my Peter! 1744 01:44:35,500 --> 01:44:36,458 Oh, now you're here. 1745 01:44:36,459 --> 01:44:39,083 - Oh well, you're too late, it's all over. - Not yet, it's not. 1746 01:44:39,125 --> 01:44:40,565 No, no, no, no, but we're very close. 1747 01:44:41,000 --> 01:44:42,120 Homestretch, folks, promise. 1748 01:44:42,458 --> 01:44:43,750 Quick, let's have the stakes. 1749 01:44:44,041 --> 01:44:45,517 If she steals the time-ripper's energy, 1750 01:44:45,541 --> 01:44:48,040 she has the power to shred the fabric of all the realities 1751 01:44:48,041 --> 01:44:49,666 until there is nothing left but the void. 1752 01:44:50,041 --> 01:44:51,750 - How do we shut it down? - I don't know. 1753 01:44:53,779 --> 01:44:54,779 How about now? 1754 01:44:55,208 --> 01:44:56,915 The mask is really intimidating, huh? 1755 01:44:56,916 --> 01:44:58,916 It's like Batman except he can move his neck. 1756 01:44:58,958 --> 01:45:00,916 Okay, look, look, look, look, look. 1757 01:45:01,666 --> 01:45:04,041 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 1758 01:45:04,333 --> 01:45:07,375 It is powered by twin matter and antimatter feeds 1759 01:45:07,458 --> 01:45:08,624 converging inside the device. 1760 01:45:08,625 --> 01:45:11,040 Now Cassandra Nova is redirecting the Ripper's power 1761 01:45:11,041 --> 01:45:13,416 to eliminate all timelines, starting with this one. 1762 01:45:13,625 --> 01:45:14,915 Theoretically, you could stop her 1763 01:45:14,916 --> 01:45:16,916 by short circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 1764 01:45:17,041 --> 01:45:19,624 One of you would create a circuit between the two feeds, 1765 01:45:19,625 --> 01:45:22,666 then the released power would destroy the machine. 1766 01:45:22,875 --> 01:45:24,583 - But, well... - Come on, man! 1767 01:45:24,750 --> 01:45:26,625 If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out. 1768 01:45:27,000 --> 01:45:30,000 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 1769 01:45:30,375 --> 01:45:31,000 I could live with that. 1770 01:45:31,000 --> 01:45:32,000 I could live with that too, actually... 1771 01:45:32,001 --> 01:45:33,841 we survive anything. We're like cockroaches. 1772 01:45:34,208 --> 01:45:35,208 Not this time. 1773 01:45:35,250 --> 01:45:37,458 This is matter and antimatter. 1774 01:45:38,000 --> 01:45:39,874 They do not play nicely with each other. 1775 01:45:39,875 --> 01:45:42,541 When they mix in your body, you will be atomized. 1776 01:45:43,333 --> 01:45:45,213 Trust the laws of physics if you don't trust me. 1777 01:45:45,708 --> 01:45:47,517 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit, 1778 01:45:47,541 --> 01:45:49,541 You will die down there. 1779 01:46:15,291 --> 01:46:16,791 Hold up, hold up. 1780 01:46:17,291 --> 01:46:18,571 You heard that asshole upstairs. 1781 01:46:18,875 --> 01:46:22,416 Even if we pull this off, we're dead, permanently. 1782 01:46:23,458 --> 01:46:25,083 - That's why it's gotta be me. - What? 1783 01:46:29,375 --> 01:46:32,625 Look, man, you didn't ask for any of this. 1784 01:46:33,458 --> 01:46:34,458 You were right. 1785 01:46:35,125 --> 01:46:36,125 I lied. 1786 01:46:37,000 --> 01:46:38,166 I lied right to your face. 1787 01:46:38,791 --> 01:46:40,500 Just to get you to help me, you did. 1788 01:46:41,000 --> 01:46:42,291 You didn't lie. 1789 01:46:44,541 --> 01:46:46,083 You made an educated wish. 1790 01:46:49,666 --> 01:46:50,666 Come on. 1791 01:46:51,833 --> 01:46:53,291 You got a whole world to go back to. 1792 01:46:55,208 --> 01:46:56,208 I got nothing. 1793 01:46:58,166 --> 01:46:59,166 I got nothing. 1794 01:47:03,500 --> 01:47:04,916 Give me this. 1795 01:47:12,175 --> 01:47:13,175 Hey. 1796 01:47:18,166 --> 01:47:20,291 I waited a long time for this team-up. 1797 01:47:22,083 --> 01:47:23,083 You know something? 1798 01:47:25,291 --> 01:47:26,458 You're the best Wolverine. 1799 01:47:35,666 --> 01:47:36,866 Say hi to your friends for me. 1800 01:47:50,250 --> 01:47:51,540 Open the door. 1801 01:47:51,541 --> 01:47:54,333 I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 1802 01:47:54,625 --> 01:47:55,875 Why are you fucking doing this? 1803 01:47:56,375 --> 01:47:58,708 Because I'm Marvel Jesus. 1804 01:48:01,083 --> 01:48:02,083 Or Spock. 1805 01:48:03,166 --> 01:48:04,166 Hard to say. 1806 01:48:08,291 --> 01:48:09,291 Hey! 1807 01:48:10,375 --> 01:48:11,375 You're fucking idiot! 1808 01:48:17,291 --> 01:48:18,458 Sorry, I'm just stalling. 1809 01:48:19,041 --> 01:48:20,791 I think I'm nervous about dying. 1810 01:48:21,666 --> 01:48:22,666 This should be me. 1811 01:48:23,625 --> 01:48:25,291 Say hi to my friends for me, Peanut. 1812 01:48:25,666 --> 01:48:25,958 Wade? 1813 01:48:26,500 --> 01:48:27,915 You wanna be an annoying prick? 1814 01:48:27,916 --> 01:48:28,666 You're just sorry. 1815 01:48:28,875 --> 01:48:30,625 You're gonna die again, you dumb fuck! 1816 01:48:37,833 --> 01:48:39,375 Hey, you don't need to do this. 1817 01:48:39,875 --> 01:48:41,625 I'm not doing it because I need it. 1818 01:48:42,916 --> 01:48:44,166 I'm doing it because they do. 1819 01:48:55,541 --> 01:48:56,541 No! 1820 01:49:13,208 --> 01:49:14,208 No! 1821 01:49:26,375 --> 01:49:27,375 He's not gonna make it. 1822 01:49:36,583 --> 01:49:37,583 It's over. 1823 01:50:45,041 --> 01:50:48,708 The Wolverine is a hero in my world. 1824 01:50:51,500 --> 01:50:53,375 Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1825 01:50:55,333 --> 01:50:57,291 You were always the wrong guy. 1826 01:50:58,491 --> 01:50:59,491 Till you weren't. 1827 01:51:02,233 --> 01:51:03,233 Wade. 1828 01:51:05,958 --> 01:51:09,916 Wade, you can finally, finally, matter. 1829 01:51:26,125 --> 01:51:27,125 Vanessa. 1830 01:51:29,822 --> 01:51:31,215 I wanna see Vanessa. 1831 01:51:37,458 --> 01:51:40,208 For the first time in my life, I'm proud... 1832 01:51:40,908 --> 01:51:41,908 to wear this suit. 1833 01:51:42,833 --> 01:51:44,541 It means I'm an X-Men. 1834 01:51:46,958 --> 01:51:48,833 I am The X-Man. 1835 01:52:33,133 --> 01:52:34,133 Paradox! 1836 01:52:36,708 --> 01:52:37,708 You've been busy. 1837 01:52:38,250 --> 01:52:39,208 Well, somebody had to be. 1838 01:52:39,209 --> 01:52:41,125 We had some strange readings from this location. 1839 01:52:41,500 --> 01:52:42,707 You wouldn't know anything 1840 01:52:42,708 --> 01:52:44,468 about an unsanctioned time-ripper, would you? 1841 01:52:45,375 --> 01:52:46,832 No, no, I wouldn't know anything 1842 01:52:46,833 --> 01:52:48,375 about an unsanctioned time-ripper. 1843 01:52:48,791 --> 01:52:50,191 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova, 1844 01:52:50,291 --> 01:52:53,375 because I was assured that she was safely held in the void. 1845 01:52:53,583 --> 01:52:56,041 But no, she was here and she fondled my brain. 1846 01:52:56,375 --> 01:52:58,392 - How did she let this happen? - You weren't involved at all? 1847 01:52:58,416 --> 01:53:00,458 In stopping her, yes, yes, I was. 1848 01:53:01,083 --> 01:53:02,083 But not nearly enough. 1849 01:53:02,750 --> 01:53:04,875 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 1850 01:53:05,750 --> 01:53:08,041 My men, my friends... 1851 01:53:10,041 --> 01:53:11,415 I warned them, but they would be 1852 01:53:11,416 --> 01:53:14,041 completely obliterated if they went, but they went anyway, like... 1853 01:53:16,041 --> 01:53:17,041 like heroes. 1854 01:53:18,958 --> 01:53:20,541 Because that's who they were. 1855 01:53:23,375 --> 01:53:24,875 They just did what they had to do. 1856 01:53:26,625 --> 01:53:28,083 With no concern for their own safety. 1857 01:53:31,791 --> 01:53:35,124 The fact that we are all still standing here 1858 01:53:35,125 --> 01:53:37,666 is a testament to their heroism. 1859 01:53:41,541 --> 01:53:44,250 Anyway, there's nothing you nor I can do to bring them back now. 1860 01:53:45,875 --> 01:53:48,333 - He has risen, baby girl! - Fuck! 1861 01:54:08,416 --> 01:54:09,536 Found your new anchor-being. 1862 01:54:09,708 --> 01:54:11,833 And we're doing just fine you piece of shit. 1863 01:54:13,916 --> 01:54:15,000 Fine indeed. 1864 01:54:15,541 --> 01:54:19,208 All right, put your greasy tits away, you preening slut. 1865 01:54:20,500 --> 01:54:22,791 I don't understand. How are you two still alive? 1866 01:54:23,166 --> 01:54:25,083 You're right, one of us would have been killed. 1867 01:54:25,666 --> 01:54:28,166 But you put a Deadpool and a Wolverine together, 1868 01:54:28,583 --> 01:54:30,500 make them hold hands while listening to Madonna? 1869 01:54:31,166 --> 01:54:32,875 Indestructible motherfucker! 1870 01:54:33,416 --> 01:54:35,500 Let's get this Deadpool variant back to the void. 1871 01:54:35,750 --> 01:54:36,750 Wait, hold on, what? 1872 01:54:36,875 --> 01:54:38,416 Nope, actually, this one's homegrown. 1873 01:54:38,875 --> 01:54:40,208 Like me, he belongs here. 1874 01:54:41,250 --> 01:54:42,250 And you are? 1875 01:54:42,291 --> 01:54:44,375 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 1876 01:54:46,375 --> 01:54:47,375 And I hope that you do. 1877 01:54:53,916 --> 01:54:55,458 What the fuck is happening here? 1878 01:54:55,500 --> 01:54:56,875 You are under judgment 1879 01:54:57,291 --> 01:54:59,166 for operating an unsanctioned time-ripper. 1880 01:54:59,167 --> 01:54:59,583 Take him. 1881 01:54:59,625 --> 01:55:01,916 I was just doing what you don't have the guts to do. 1882 01:55:02,333 --> 01:55:04,958 Get off, get off, your filthy hands off me! 1883 01:55:07,250 --> 01:55:08,500 I'm grateful, gentlemen. 1884 01:55:09,791 --> 01:55:10,791 Let's hold the bows. 1885 01:55:11,041 --> 01:55:13,624 You led an Omega level mutant to this timeline. 1886 01:55:13,625 --> 01:55:14,000 You're welcome. 1887 01:55:14,625 --> 01:55:16,708 And you shouldn't even be near this timeline. 1888 01:55:16,958 --> 01:55:17,166 He's welcome. 1889 01:55:17,500 --> 01:55:20,583 And you look damn good in that suit. 1890 01:55:20,958 --> 01:55:21,958 I'm so sorry. 1891 01:55:26,541 --> 01:55:27,621 I wanna show you something. 1892 01:55:29,125 --> 01:55:29,750 Something huge. 1893 01:55:30,125 --> 01:55:32,041 That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 1894 01:55:33,708 --> 01:55:34,708 Do you see that? 1895 01:55:35,416 --> 01:55:37,000 Your universe is regenerating. 1896 01:55:38,083 --> 01:55:41,500 Whatever you did here, you not only saved your world, 1897 01:55:42,208 --> 01:55:44,291 you spared your timeline from extinction. 1898 01:55:46,583 --> 01:55:47,583 I'd rest up. 1899 01:55:48,000 --> 01:55:50,200 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 1900 01:55:50,500 --> 01:55:51,708 Till you're 90. 1901 01:55:52,625 --> 01:55:53,625 Wait! 1902 01:55:54,541 --> 01:55:55,976 We couldn't have made it out of the void 1903 01:55:56,000 --> 01:55:59,415 without some help from some people 1904 01:55:59,416 --> 01:56:01,666 that the world kinda forgot. 1905 01:56:02,541 --> 01:56:04,541 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way 1906 01:56:05,083 --> 01:56:06,083 to bring them home? 1907 01:56:07,833 --> 01:56:08,833 I'll see what I can do. 1908 01:56:09,291 --> 01:56:13,082 And I promised my friend here that the TVA could undo 1909 01:56:13,083 --> 01:56:15,208 some pretty awful shit in his timeline. 1910 01:56:15,708 --> 01:56:16,788 What would you say to that? 1911 01:56:17,125 --> 01:56:18,125 Change the past? 1912 01:56:19,333 --> 01:56:20,533 He did help me save the world. 1913 01:56:21,000 --> 01:56:23,416 And his past made him the man who did it. 1914 01:56:24,541 --> 01:56:26,625 There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 1915 01:56:28,250 --> 01:56:30,583 Logan. 1916 01:56:33,041 --> 01:56:34,125 - Shawarma? - I could eat. 1917 01:56:43,541 --> 01:56:46,083 You know the Avengers discovered Shawarma. 1918 01:56:47,241 --> 01:56:48,541 They'd be lucky to have you. 1919 01:56:58,666 --> 01:56:59,666 Fuck off! 1920 01:57:01,041 --> 01:57:02,241 Come here my little cuntchkin, 1921 01:57:02,708 --> 01:57:05,250 Yes that's you, you're a survivor! 1922 01:57:06,208 --> 01:57:08,583 All is right in the world. 1923 01:57:10,291 --> 01:57:11,291 Yes it is. 1924 01:57:12,916 --> 01:57:14,116 So what are you gonna do next? 1925 01:57:15,833 --> 01:57:17,541 I'll figure it out. I always do. 1926 01:57:18,833 --> 01:57:19,833 Alright. 1927 01:57:20,833 --> 01:57:21,993 I'll probably see you around? 1928 01:57:26,866 --> 01:57:27,866 Probably not. 1929 01:57:31,125 --> 01:57:32,125 See you, bub. 1930 01:57:41,725 --> 01:57:42,725 Logan! 1931 01:57:49,166 --> 01:57:51,083 Al, I'm back. 1932 01:57:51,833 --> 01:57:54,332 About damn time, you holdin'? 1933 01:57:54,333 --> 01:57:56,040 I'm all out of devil's dandruff 1934 01:57:56,041 --> 01:57:58,208 and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator. 1935 01:57:58,291 --> 01:57:59,291 Thank you, Al. 1936 01:57:59,416 --> 01:58:00,416 We have company. 1937 01:58:01,000 --> 01:58:03,791 Althea, this is Logan. 1938 01:58:04,375 --> 01:58:05,625 Nice to meet you, Logan. 1939 01:58:05,833 --> 01:58:06,666 Nice to meet you too. 1940 01:58:06,708 --> 01:58:10,000 And this little ancient, anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 1941 01:58:10,250 --> 01:58:12,125 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 1942 01:58:12,666 --> 01:58:14,386 You wanna treat yourself to a little stroke? 1943 01:58:15,166 --> 01:58:16,708 Get the tongue. 1944 01:58:17,500 --> 01:58:18,708 Oh my God, motherfucker! 1945 01:58:19,375 --> 01:58:21,583 Right... it's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, 1946 01:58:22,125 --> 01:58:26,666 angrily, in a bed of gonorrhea, and didn't stop till the sun came up. 1947 01:58:28,500 --> 01:58:29,875 Everyone wants to matter. 1948 01:58:30,875 --> 01:58:33,208 Turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 1949 01:58:34,333 --> 01:58:36,291 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 1950 01:58:37,291 --> 01:58:40,208 And if you're lucky, you'll find a few friends. 1951 01:58:41,291 --> 01:58:44,833 Old friends and some new ones too. 1952 01:58:49,333 --> 01:58:51,375 Give me the fucking dog, talk to the girl. 1953 01:59:02,208 --> 01:59:03,208 Oh, hi. 1954 01:59:03,500 --> 01:59:04,500 Hi. 1955 01:59:06,541 --> 01:59:07,750 You've been busy. 1956 01:59:11,041 --> 01:59:12,041 I did it for you. 1957 01:59:14,166 --> 01:59:17,083 If you don't want me, I did it for you. 1958 01:59:26,258 --> 01:59:29,458 Turns out... I am the world's saving type. 1959 01:59:30,250 --> 01:59:32,166 Just look around this table if you want proof. 1960 01:59:33,250 --> 01:59:34,250 The best part? 1961 01:59:35,250 --> 01:59:36,875 Sometimes the people we save... 1962 01:59:37,791 --> 01:59:39,291 well, they save us right back. 1963 02:00:19,875 --> 02:00:21,500 {\an9}You are not the only one with gifts. 1964 02:00:22,041 --> 02:00:23,041 {\an9}What is this place? 1965 02:00:52,250 --> 02:00:53,250 {\an9}Nice suit! 1966 02:00:53,333 --> 02:00:54,333 {\an9}Listen Stan Lee! 1967 02:01:01,916 --> 02:01:04,415 {\an9}I really like the art 1968 02:01:04,416 --> 02:01:05,416 {\an9}in the Deadpool comics. 1969 02:01:05,708 --> 02:01:06,333 {\an9}You know, I just always 1970 02:01:06,334 --> 02:01:07,666 {\an9}felt kind of a kinship to him. 1971 02:01:08,166 --> 02:01:10,375 {\an9}I like to play that guy someday. 1972 02:01:38,166 --> 02:01:40,415 {\an9}I was there for three weeks 1973 02:01:40,416 --> 02:01:41,791 {\an9}before I shot a single thing. 1974 02:01:42,500 --> 02:01:43,458 {\an9}For that first day of 1975 02:01:43,459 --> 02:01:46,166 {\an9}shooting, I was so nervous, man. 1976 02:01:46,833 --> 02:01:47,625 {\an9}Everyone was sort of 1977 02:01:47,625 --> 02:01:48,625 {\an9}going, "Who's this guy?" 1978 02:01:48,958 --> 02:01:50,318 {\an9}You know, there was a lot of that. 1979 02:01:51,041 --> 02:01:52,000 {\an9}You know, he was going to deliver 1980 02:01:52,001 --> 02:01:53,207 {\an9}and you can feel all 1981 02:01:53,208 --> 02:01:54,208 {\an9}that kind of pressure. 1982 02:01:56,000 --> 02:01:57,416 {\an9}Always the suit's fault. 1983 02:01:58,083 --> 02:01:59,375 {\an9}Never the actor. 1984 02:02:07,833 --> 02:02:09,033 {\an9}- This is... - The only way. 1985 02:02:18,375 --> 02:02:20,000 {\an9}Oh, this is what it feels like. 1986 02:02:23,166 --> 02:02:24,500 {\an9}And there's the lights. 1987 02:02:25,000 --> 02:02:26,000 {\an9}Medical research. 1988 02:02:26,875 --> 02:02:27,875 {\an9}Bye, video. 1989 02:02:28,083 --> 02:02:29,083 {\an9}Bye. 1990 02:06:42,458 --> 02:06:45,082 I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors 1991 02:06:45,083 --> 02:06:46,166 that I got Johnny killed. 1992 02:06:47,541 --> 02:06:48,541 Let's look at the tape. 1993 02:06:49,625 --> 02:06:52,416 In the void, you're either food for Alioth 1994 02:06:53,125 --> 02:06:54,125 or you work for her. 1995 02:06:57,416 --> 02:06:58,416 Go on, Johnny. 1996 02:06:58,833 --> 02:07:00,000 And I'll tell you who her is. 1997 02:07:00,541 --> 02:07:01,541 Cassandra Nova, a 1998 02:07:01,542 --> 02:07:03,416 megalomaniacal psychotic asshole. 1999 02:07:03,791 --> 02:07:05,707 A finger-licking dead-inside pixie slab 2000 02:07:05,708 --> 02:07:07,582 at third rate dime store nut-milk. 2001 02:07:07,583 --> 02:07:09,226 - And I'll tell you what she can do. - I'm listening. 2002 02:07:09,250 --> 02:07:11,124 She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean 2003 02:07:11,125 --> 02:07:12,833 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2004 02:07:13,041 --> 02:07:15,249 In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin 2005 02:07:15,250 --> 02:07:17,166 and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2006 02:07:17,458 --> 02:07:19,298 If the last thing I do with this, God forsaken, 2007 02:07:19,500 --> 02:07:21,915 cum-gutter existence, is light that fuck box on 2008 02:07:21,916 --> 02:07:23,166 fire I still won't die happy. 2009 02:07:23,416 --> 02:07:25,208 Holy shit, girl, you crazy! 2010 02:07:25,458 --> 02:07:26,083 That's right, Wade. 2011 02:07:26,333 --> 02:07:29,207 I won't be happy until I've urinated on a freshly barbecued corpse 2012 02:07:29,208 --> 02:07:33,000 and husk-fuck that charred remains while gargling Juggernauts jugger-nuts. 2013 02:07:33,041 --> 02:07:33,291 Wow. 2014 02:07:33,750 --> 02:07:34,625 And you can quote me. 2015 02:07:34,625 --> 02:07:35,625 Okay. 2016 02:07:35,708 --> 02:07:36,958 Gotcha, fuck face.