1 00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:14,901 Everybody asks why I started at the end 2 00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:17,002 and worked back to the beginning. 3 00:01:17,003 --> 00:01:19,123 The reason is simple. 4 00:01:19,283 --> 00:01:25,183 I couldn't understand the beginning until I had reached the end. 5 00:01:25,323 --> 00:01:28,562 There were too many pieces of the puzzle missing. 6 00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:31,483 Too much she would never tell. 7 00:01:32,883 --> 00:01:37,442 I could sell these things. People want to buy them. 8 00:01:37,443 --> 00:01:39,962 But I'd set all this on fire first. 9 00:01:39,963 --> 00:01:43,242 She'd like that. That's what she would do. 10 00:01:43,243 --> 00:01:46,363 She'd make it just to burn it. 11 00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:52,762 I couldn't afford this one, but the beginning deserved something special. 12 00:01:52,763 --> 00:01:56,402 But how do I show that nothing, not a taste... 13 00:01:56,403 --> 00:02:00,082 not a smell, not even the color of the sky... 14 00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:05,482 has ever been as clear and sharp as it was when I belonged to her. 15 00:02:05,483 --> 00:02:09,842 I don't know how to express that being with someone so dangerous... 16 00:02:09,843 --> 00:02:13,523 was the last time that I felt safe. 17 00:02:47,563 --> 00:02:51,282 The Santa Anas blew in hot from the desert that fall. 18 00:02:51,283 --> 00:02:54,483 Only the oleanders thrived. 19 00:02:57,683 --> 00:03:01,402 Maybe the wind was the reason my mother did what she did. 20 00:03:01,403 --> 00:03:07,293 If it was, I wouldn't have known. I lived in her shadow then. 21 00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:12,242 She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. 22 00:03:12,243 --> 00:03:15,122 Everybody thinks that when they're small... 23 00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:21,233 but she was the most beautiful woman most people had ever seen. 24 00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:24,722 He came into our lives without warning. 25 00:03:24,723 --> 00:03:28,242 She ignored him at first. He wasn't her type. 26 00:03:28,243 --> 00:03:31,522 We laughed about him, his persistence. 27 00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:38,363 "Never let a man spend the night," she said. Never apologize, never explain. 28 00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:44,643 She was breaking all her rules. And it would change everything. 29 00:03:49,843 --> 00:03:52,483 What are you doing up here? 30 00:03:52,963 --> 00:03:55,283 Come sit next to me. 31 00:03:56,163 --> 00:03:59,873 It's the best place to feel the wind. 32 00:04:00,043 --> 00:04:02,473 I can feel it from here. 33 00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:04,603 No, you can't. 34 00:04:08,203 --> 00:04:09,963 It's ok. 35 00:04:15,443 --> 00:04:17,322 You should get some sleep. 36 00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:20,682 I never sleep. I've been up here for hours. 37 00:04:20,683 --> 00:04:26,242 I had the most amazing ideia for how to use my Polaroids in the Newport show. 38 00:04:26,243 --> 00:04:31,273 I'm gonna skip work today. Keep going until I finish. 39 00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:34,802 You're still coming to parents' night, aren't you? 40 00:04:34,803 --> 00:04:37,843 Oh, God, I forgot. 41 00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:42,783 I made plans to go to Greta's opening. 42 00:04:43,323 --> 00:04:45,723 All the other parents go. 43 00:04:45,923 --> 00:04:50,842 What can they tell me about you that I don't already know? 44 00:04:50,843 --> 00:04:56,003 Time's up! Pencils down. Papers, please. Thank you. 45 00:04:57,243 --> 00:05:00,243 Thank you. Time, Astrid. 46 00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:02,803 Thank you. 47 00:05:04,523 --> 00:05:07,282 Is your mother coming tonight? 48 00:05:07,283 --> 00:05:10,043 No. She has other plans. 49 00:05:10,203 --> 00:05:12,922 More important than parents' night? 50 00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:17,922 She's an artist. She doesn't care about things like parents' night. 51 00:05:17,923 --> 00:05:24,042 Right. And don't forget, you guys, chapters 17 and 18 for tomorrow. 52 00:05:24,043 --> 00:05:26,133 Finished my mug shots. 53 00:05:26,203 --> 00:05:28,013 What do you think? 54 00:05:29,003 --> 00:05:30,202 They're great. 55 00:05:30,203 --> 00:05:33,643 No. You're not looking. 56 00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:40,903 You can't be an artist if you don't see. Why do you think they're great? 57 00:05:46,883 --> 00:05:48,843 I don't know. 58 00:05:50,163 --> 00:05:52,003 They're lonely. 59 00:05:56,363 --> 00:05:58,653 It's me in the center. 60 00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:01,842 It's our secret. You can't tell anybody. 61 00:06:01,843 --> 00:06:06,243 I won't. I never tell our secrets. 62 00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:13,202 It's the deer-in-the-headlights look. Hilarious. 63 00:06:13,203 --> 00:06:16,562 - How long has this been going on? - Couple months. 64 00:06:16,563 --> 00:06:21,453 - His wife's gonna figure it out. - She's an idiot. 65 00:06:21,523 --> 00:06:23,123 Cinema Scene. 66 00:06:24,883 --> 00:06:27,213 It's Barry Kolker again. 67 00:06:30,043 --> 00:06:35,562 Tell him I was killed in a climbing accident in the Himalayas. 68 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:38,653 Barry, she's still out of town. 69 00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:55,122 We don't have any eggs. 70 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,523 We never have any eggs. 71 00:07:03,563 --> 00:07:06,482 Barry can take us out to breakfast. 72 00:07:06,483 --> 00:07:08,322 Barry spent the night? 73 00:07:08,323 --> 00:07:10,003 Yeah. 74 00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:15,443 Excuse me. 75 00:07:55,123 --> 00:07:57,162 I bet he's still out of town. 76 00:07:57,163 --> 00:08:01,162 I called the magazine. He got back three days ago. 77 00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:04,042 He's probably working. He doesn't call then. 78 00:08:04,043 --> 00:08:10,353 He doesn't call when he's getting what he wants from somebody else. 79 00:08:27,163 --> 00:08:29,682 I don't think you should do this. 80 00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,122 He'll get mad. 81 00:08:31,123 --> 00:08:37,433 - I'll just say we were in the neighborhood. - He won't believe us. 82 00:09:54,643 --> 00:09:56,723 You're not my type. 83 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,363 You're not my type. 84 00:10:18,683 --> 00:10:20,013 What happened? 85 00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:22,923 He has a date. 86 00:10:23,283 --> 00:10:27,442 He made love to me and then said I had to leave... 87 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:29,843 because he has a date. 88 00:10:36,923 --> 00:10:40,242 - No! Get away from me. - Get her out! 89 00:10:40,243 --> 00:10:43,442 - You have no right! - You're under arrest... 90 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,962 for the murder of Barry Kolker. - They can't keep me! 91 00:10:46,963 --> 00:10:49,493 I'll be back in an hour! 92 00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:25,962 You must be Astrid? I'm Miss Martinez from Children's Services to pick you up. 93 00:11:25,963 --> 00:11:30,322 If you need more time, I can give you 15 minutes, but that's it. 94 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:34,122 I'm not going. I'm waiting for my mother to come home. 95 00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:39,773 Your mother won't be coming home. At least not for a while. 96 00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:59,682 - Any legal cause why sentence of judgment should not now be imposed? 97 00:11:59,683 --> 00:12:03,762 Therefore, in accordance with the laws of Calif�rnia... 98 00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:08,322 I sentence you to the term prescribed by law for murder. 99 00:12:08,323 --> 00:12:13,943 Not less than 35 years to life in a maximum-security prison. 100 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:04,402 - Hey! - Hello, Starr. How are you? 101 00:13:04,403 --> 00:13:07,213 Well, I'm fine! How are you? 102 00:13:08,563 --> 00:13:10,122 - Good to see you. - You too. 103 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:14,042 Y'all must be starving. I hope you like olive loaf. 104 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,762 - I made enough to feed an army. - Astrid? 105 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,722 - How was traffic? - Bad downtown... 106 00:13:18,723 --> 00:13:22,642 but it cleared up pretty fast. - Oh, good. 107 00:13:22,643 --> 00:13:26,722 There you go. Astrid Magnussen, this is Starr Thomas. 108 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,082 It is so nice to meet you, Astrid. 109 00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:33,362 Come on in! Here, let me help you with that. Was it a long drive? 110 00:13:33,363 --> 00:13:34,642 - Yeah. - Yeah? 111 00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:39,682 I hope you didn't bring a ton of stuff. You'll share a room with my daughter. 112 00:13:39,683 --> 00:13:42,882 This is our home. This is where we have company. 113 00:13:42,883 --> 00:13:45,842 Then in here is the kitchen and whatnot. 114 00:13:45,843 --> 00:13:48,962 The boys sleep here. We don't have enough bedrooms. 115 00:13:48,963 --> 00:13:51,602 That's Davey in the glasses, and Owen. 116 00:13:51,603 --> 00:13:54,322 This is Astrid. Boys, you say hi? 117 00:13:54,323 --> 00:13:58,283 Carolee? I said, get out here right now. 118 00:13:58,483 --> 00:14:00,843 Let's just go in there. 119 00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:06,553 This is Carolee, my daughter. 120 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,362 Make some room, ok? 121 00:14:09,363 --> 00:14:13,042 This is where you'll sleep. She'll clean up. Don't worry. 122 00:14:13,043 --> 00:14:18,522 Just don't mind her. She's hormonal. The problem is she hasn't been saved. 123 00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:19,762 What about you? 124 00:14:19,763 --> 00:14:20,683 What? 125 00:14:20,883 --> 00:14:24,482 Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? 126 00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:25,842 I don't know. 127 00:14:25,843 --> 00:14:28,322 When you do, he'll be waiting. Ok? 128 00:14:28,323 --> 00:14:31,922 This is where Ray and I sleep, and the bathroom's here. 129 00:14:31,923 --> 00:14:34,213 Let's go back in here. 130 00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:40,082 Ray's home late tonight. It's poker night. Don't talk to him about Jesus. 131 00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:46,703 He acts like he's the repo man or something, not a carpenter like him. 132 00:14:59,763 --> 00:15:02,362 You must be the new addition. 133 00:15:02,363 --> 00:15:04,123 I'm Ray. 134 00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:10,283 Or Uncle Ray, but that's Starr's ideia. 135 00:15:10,483 --> 00:15:12,363 Not mine. 136 00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:16,562 I'm Astrid. 137 00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:19,583 It's nice to meet you, Astrid. 138 00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:21,923 You coming in? 139 00:15:26,803 --> 00:15:28,603 Well, how come? 140 00:15:29,043 --> 00:15:30,643 I'm thinking. 141 00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:34,043 Oh, what about? 142 00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:40,163 My mother. 143 00:15:42,323 --> 00:15:49,783 Starr was telling me about her. She's doing time for killing her boyfriend, right? 144 00:15:50,003 --> 00:15:53,363 Yeah, well, those things happen. 145 00:15:56,563 --> 00:16:00,033 You come in when you're ready, ok? 146 00:16:06,163 --> 00:16:12,923 That slut said I was grounded, like she's the mother in The Brady Bunch. 147 00:16:13,323 --> 00:16:15,203 Listen to that. 148 00:16:16,923 --> 00:16:20,803 Saved by Jesus. She's such a hypocrite. 149 00:16:20,963 --> 00:16:24,482 They shouldn't be doing it. They're not even married. 150 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:28,122 Reverend Daniels always blah-blahing about Jesus. 151 00:16:28,123 --> 00:16:32,593 All he really wants to do is look at her ass. 152 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:36,762 Don't forget to leave the window open. 153 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,842 Don't look at me like that. 154 00:16:38,843 --> 00:16:44,523 You're no different than I am. You just don't know it yet. 155 00:17:05,643 --> 00:17:08,283 I'm gonna kill you, Ingrid! 156 00:17:08,563 --> 00:17:11,483 I'm gonna strangle you, bitch! 157 00:17:12,243 --> 00:17:15,323 You bloody bitch! 158 00:17:19,883 --> 00:17:23,242 Sin is a virus. That's what Reverend Thomas says. 159 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:27,653 It's infecting the whole country like the clap. 160 00:17:27,723 --> 00:17:29,522 We've got every excuse. 161 00:17:29,523 --> 00:17:35,402 What's wrong if I shovel coke up my nose or want to feel good? Who does it hurt? 162 00:17:35,403 --> 00:17:40,883 Well, it hurts us. And it hurts Jesus. Because it's wrong. 163 00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:44,082 I don't know how you swallow that. 164 00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:50,762 "He who believeth in me, though he was dead, yet will he live." Don't forget it. 165 00:17:50,763 --> 00:17:52,053 Here we are. 166 00:17:52,163 --> 00:17:57,842 It's a miracle I'm not dead. They took my kids away. I was an alcoholic... 167 00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:01,962 a cokehead. I was dancing topless. - People are staring. 168 00:18:01,963 --> 00:18:04,123 Oh, Astrid, look! 169 00:18:04,723 --> 00:18:09,602 Look at that. That is gonna go perfect with your new shoes. 170 00:18:09,603 --> 00:18:11,322 I mean, I thought: 171 00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:16,242 "Who cares if I hang my tits in a stranger's face? It's nobody's business." 172 00:18:16,243 --> 00:18:20,543 You know what? This is gonna be good on you. 173 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:23,963 Astrid, those are ugly shoes. 174 00:18:24,123 --> 00:18:26,642 Snakes don't bite above the ankle. 175 00:18:26,643 --> 00:18:32,543 You're better off being bitten by snakes than dressing for them. 176 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:37,842 We need to get her a bra. Carolee had her first bra when she was 9. 177 00:18:37,843 --> 00:18:43,922 You don't want them hanging to your knees when you're 30. Try it on. 178 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:49,473 Carolee, will Ray love that? Look at that. That is so nice! 179 00:18:50,403 --> 00:18:52,242 Hurry, Astrid, it's here! 180 00:18:52,243 --> 00:18:54,842 I told you you were gonna miss it. 181 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:58,483 Astrid. This one's for you. 182 00:19:01,203 --> 00:19:02,642 Who's it from? 183 00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:04,443 My mother. 184 00:19:04,883 --> 00:19:08,523 I didn't think she knew where I was. 185 00:19:09,723 --> 00:19:13,002 Dear Astrid, have you been getting my letters? 186 00:19:13,003 --> 00:19:17,042 It's been six months. Why don't you write? 187 00:19:17,043 --> 00:19:20,802 It's only a few minutes before they turn out the lights. 188 00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:24,802 I can hear the women screaming in their cells. 189 00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:30,322 We're both in prison, you and I, punished for our strength and our independence. 190 00:19:30,323 --> 00:19:32,602 Don't forget who you are. 191 00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:37,042 The best part of me is well-hidden and you have to do the same. 192 00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:40,903 Remember it all, every insult, every tear. 193 00:19:51,683 --> 00:19:53,563 What are you doing? 194 00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:58,243 I'm writing a letter to my mother. 195 00:19:58,283 --> 00:20:00,442 You ever write your dad? 196 00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:02,922 I don't know where he is. 197 00:20:02,923 --> 00:20:04,603 I never met him. 198 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,042 He left when I was 2. 199 00:20:07,043 --> 00:20:11,122 - Your mother tell you much about him? - No. 200 00:20:11,123 --> 00:20:15,562 - Well, aren't you curious? - I think about what he would think of me. 201 00:20:15,563 --> 00:20:20,322 He probably thinks you're still 2. That's how I remember my son, Seth. 202 00:20:20,323 --> 00:20:22,803 - You have a son? - Yeah. 203 00:20:22,963 --> 00:20:26,763 - Hey, Ray. - Hey, Patty. 204 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,162 So you're going to the Jesus show? 205 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:36,442 - Aren't you coming? - To Bible study? No. 206 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:42,042 In my opinion, if there's a God, he sure as hell ain't worth praying to. 207 00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:45,362 That sounds like something my mother would say. 208 00:20:45,363 --> 00:20:48,362 She wouldn't take me to the Christmas pageant. 209 00:20:48,363 --> 00:20:52,213 She made me beg a ride off another kid. 210 00:20:53,243 --> 00:20:54,763 Hey, Ray. 211 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,763 Leanne, hi! 212 00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:02,713 How you doing, Reverend? I don't think he likes me very much. 213 00:21:04,883 --> 00:21:07,242 Why don't you and Starr get married? 214 00:21:07,243 --> 00:21:09,482 'Cause I'm already married. 215 00:21:09,483 --> 00:21:14,162 - Astrid, come on in. We're starting. - Ok, I'm coming. 216 00:21:14,163 --> 00:21:16,243 Where's your wife? 217 00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:18,603 Who knows? 218 00:21:18,763 --> 00:21:23,543 I haven't seen her or my son in over five years. 219 00:21:37,043 --> 00:21:41,562 I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 220 00:21:41,563 --> 00:21:44,003 Amen. 221 00:21:54,483 --> 00:21:57,053 Do you believe in God now? 222 00:21:58,203 --> 00:22:03,543 Maybe it's not such a bad thing to believe in something. 223 00:22:03,603 --> 00:22:07,043 - It's better to know things. - Why? 224 00:22:07,043 --> 00:22:14,153 What does it get you? Does it tell you the difference between right or wrong? 225 00:22:15,443 --> 00:22:18,533 She didn't kill that guy alone. 226 00:22:19,443 --> 00:22:23,503 I knew what my mother was doing, you know? 227 00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:29,223 I could've saved his life, but I didn't. 228 00:22:54,723 --> 00:22:56,323 Come on. 229 00:23:08,403 --> 00:23:12,082 I'm gonna kill you, Ingrid! Open the door! 230 00:23:12,083 --> 00:23:15,562 Think there was something valuable on that hard disk? 231 00:23:15,563 --> 00:23:21,323 Maybe a collection of essays due at the publisher's this fall. 232 00:23:22,363 --> 00:23:25,362 You bloody bitch! You can't do this to me! 233 00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:28,413 You don't know what I can do. 234 00:23:29,243 --> 00:23:35,243 Fill out your registration slips. Know your inmate's number. 235 00:23:36,563 --> 00:23:39,763 No number, no visit. 236 00:23:39,923 --> 00:23:41,723 Hey, baby. 237 00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:01,523 Astrid Magnussen? 238 00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:05,243 Astrid? 239 00:24:05,763 --> 00:24:07,443 Follow me. 240 00:24:26,043 --> 00:24:27,963 Mama! 241 00:24:32,803 --> 00:24:35,643 No, no, no, no, no. 242 00:24:35,803 --> 00:24:37,683 Don't cry. 243 00:24:37,843 --> 00:24:42,493 We're not like that. We're the Vikings. Remember? 244 00:24:47,003 --> 00:24:49,403 You're so beautiful. 245 00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:52,082 Prison agrees with me. 246 00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:54,042 There's no hypocrisy here. 247 00:24:54,043 --> 00:24:58,003 Kill or be killed, and everybody knows it. 248 00:24:59,363 --> 00:25:01,123 Do they hurt you? 249 00:25:02,243 --> 00:25:04,983 Not as much as I hurt them. 250 00:25:07,243 --> 00:25:11,362 I won't be in here forever. I promise you that. 251 00:25:11,363 --> 00:25:16,663 One day you'll look out your window and I'll be there. 252 00:25:17,243 --> 00:25:20,003 Your hair smells like clover. 253 00:25:21,683 --> 00:25:28,103 I wanna remember you just like this, in that sadly hopeful pink dress. 254 00:25:29,203 --> 00:25:33,233 - Starr picked it out. - Of course she did. 255 00:25:36,363 --> 00:25:37,843 What's that? 256 00:25:39,603 --> 00:25:42,643 Nothing. It's just a cross. 257 00:25:42,803 --> 00:25:45,083 I know it's a cross. 258 00:25:47,443 --> 00:25:49,843 Why are you wearing it? 259 00:25:51,403 --> 00:25:54,283 It's a present from Starr. 260 00:25:54,603 --> 00:25:56,722 She force you to go to church? 261 00:25:56,723 --> 00:26:00,722 They're really nice people. It's called the Assembly of God. 262 00:26:00,723 --> 00:26:06,322 To join you have to accept Christ as your personal savior. And you're baptized. 263 00:26:06,323 --> 00:26:13,162 They call it being washed in the blood of the Lamb. But really, it's just water. 264 00:26:13,163 --> 00:26:17,122 Have you accepted Christ as your personal savior? 265 00:26:17,123 --> 00:26:23,202 - There's nothing wrong with Christians. - Are you out of your mind? 266 00:26:23,203 --> 00:26:28,042 How did this happen? I raised you, not Bible-thumping trailer trash. 267 00:26:28,043 --> 00:26:30,722 I raised you to think for yourself. 268 00:26:30,723 --> 00:26:32,883 No, you didn't. 269 00:26:36,323 --> 00:26:38,802 You raised me to think like you. 270 00:26:38,803 --> 00:26:44,722 Maybe thinking for yourself isn't so great. Reverend Daniels says it's evil. 271 00:26:44,723 --> 00:26:50,482 Evil? If thinking for yourself is evil, then every artist is evil. 272 00:26:50,483 --> 00:26:55,842 Is that what you believe, now that you're washed in the blood of the Lamb? 273 00:26:55,843 --> 00:27:00,733 - Man's ability to reason is evil? Am I evil? - No. 274 00:27:01,883 --> 00:27:03,683 No. 275 00:27:04,643 --> 00:27:08,562 But killing people who don't want you is evil. 276 00:27:08,563 --> 00:27:10,602 We pray for your redemption. 277 00:27:10,603 --> 00:27:14,522 Fuck my redemption. I don't want it. I regret nothing. 278 00:27:14,523 --> 00:27:20,482 Attention. Visiting hours are over. Visitors, return to the holding area. 279 00:27:20,483 --> 00:27:24,682 It's good that you're trying to identify evil, Astrid. 280 00:27:24,683 --> 00:27:26,643 But evil is tricky. 281 00:27:26,803 --> 00:27:31,762 Just when you think you know what it is, it changes its form. 282 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:35,762 Learning its nature takes a lifetime of study. 283 00:27:35,763 --> 00:27:40,203 I will not lose you. Not to them. 284 00:27:41,203 --> 00:27:44,002 Those people are the enemy, Astrid. 285 00:27:44,003 --> 00:27:46,962 - Visiting hours are over. - Write to me. 286 00:27:46,963 --> 00:27:48,802 - Time's up. - Write to me... 287 00:27:48,803 --> 00:27:51,562 at least once a week. - I love you. 288 00:27:51,563 --> 00:27:56,693 I'm the only person you know who can keep you honest. 289 00:27:56,723 --> 00:27:59,123 - Ok? - Ok. 290 00:28:01,643 --> 00:28:05,603 Don't forget who you are, Astrid. 291 00:28:06,163 --> 00:28:10,643 You're my daughter and you're perfect, remember? 292 00:28:41,203 --> 00:28:43,183 How far away is it? 293 00:28:43,203 --> 00:28:46,403 About a mile. Maybe two. 294 00:28:46,963 --> 00:28:48,882 Shouldn't we pack up and go? 295 00:28:48,883 --> 00:28:53,113 No, not yet. The wind's still in our favor. 296 00:28:56,283 --> 00:28:59,653 My mother used to love fire season. 297 00:29:00,563 --> 00:29:04,882 She made me decide what I'd take if we had to go. 298 00:29:04,883 --> 00:29:09,602 She said if I was brave, I wouldn't take anything. 299 00:29:09,603 --> 00:29:11,882 Your mother sounds tough. 300 00:29:11,883 --> 00:29:13,243 Not like you. 301 00:29:14,963 --> 00:29:16,963 What am I like? 302 00:29:17,683 --> 00:29:20,923 You? You're a sweetheart. 303 00:29:28,603 --> 00:29:30,523 Astrid, honey? 304 00:29:31,283 --> 00:29:33,003 Astrid? 305 00:29:34,403 --> 00:29:37,353 You come on in here a minute? 306 00:29:43,603 --> 00:29:46,553 Well, sit down. I won't bite. 307 00:29:50,723 --> 00:29:57,703 You having fun here, aren't you? Making yourself at home, getting comfortable? 308 00:29:58,483 --> 00:30:01,543 Little too comfortable, I'd say. 309 00:30:01,963 --> 00:30:06,922 I might not be a genius, but I get your game. And it takes one to know one. 310 00:30:06,923 --> 00:30:09,842 - One what? - Always hanging around... 311 00:30:09,843 --> 00:30:14,002 handling his tools. "What's this for, Ray? Can I help you?" 312 00:30:14,003 --> 00:30:16,403 We're not doing anything. 313 00:30:16,923 --> 00:30:19,282 I'm calling Children's Services. 314 00:30:19,283 --> 00:30:21,162 - It's all over. - But... 315 00:30:21,163 --> 00:30:23,083 Don't "but" me. 316 00:30:24,243 --> 00:30:28,882 He is a man. And he sees what he sees, and he does what he can. 317 00:30:28,883 --> 00:30:31,162 I've got a nice thing going here. 318 00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:33,282 Ray's the best man I ever had. 319 00:30:33,283 --> 00:30:38,642 And I've lived too long and come too far to blow it now. 320 00:30:38,643 --> 00:30:41,003 I never had a father... 321 00:30:41,163 --> 00:30:42,763 Don't. 322 00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:48,482 I've got myself and my kids to worry about. We hardly know each other. 323 00:30:48,483 --> 00:30:51,013 I don't owe you a thing. 324 00:30:53,003 --> 00:30:55,559 Jesus would give me a chance. 325 00:30:55,559 --> 00:30:59,523 Well, I'm not Jesus. Not even close. 326 00:31:03,363 --> 00:31:05,683 He might be mad... 327 00:31:05,923 --> 00:31:11,122 if he knew you sent me away because you were jealous. 328 00:31:11,123 --> 00:31:16,703 You're trying to make him a prisoner. He's gonna hate you. 329 00:31:17,323 --> 00:31:18,682 What do you know? 330 00:31:18,683 --> 00:31:22,802 I know that men don't like women who try to own them. 331 00:31:22,803 --> 00:31:29,523 I like you. I like the kids. I would never do anything to screw it up. 332 00:31:30,563 --> 00:31:33,682 You swear you're not interested in him? 333 00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:35,723 I swear to God. 334 00:31:40,563 --> 00:31:44,603 - There. Did you see it? - I'm not sure. 335 00:31:45,163 --> 00:31:47,762 - See anything yet? - It's just starting. 336 00:31:47,763 --> 00:31:50,482 But we should be getting 40 an hour soon. 337 00:31:50,483 --> 00:31:54,482 The Quadrantid is the shortest meteorite shower, but the densest. 338 00:31:54,483 --> 00:31:56,713 Except for the Perseids. 339 00:32:05,643 --> 00:32:08,873 You and Starr, you having a beef? 340 00:32:10,683 --> 00:32:12,163 No. 341 00:32:13,203 --> 00:32:14,723 Why? 342 00:32:16,683 --> 00:32:19,083 Just something she said. 343 00:32:24,003 --> 00:32:27,303 I guess it's hard getting older... 344 00:32:27,363 --> 00:32:30,873 pretty girl coming up in the house. 345 00:32:31,123 --> 00:32:35,243 Ray, honey? What are you doing out here? 346 00:32:35,403 --> 00:32:38,673 Nothing, baby. Just having a smoke. 347 00:32:46,083 --> 00:32:48,203 Looking at the stars. 348 00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:58,362 And this is $40, not even $40 a month. 349 00:32:58,363 --> 00:33:01,762 - Forty dollars is $40. - You waste $200 in one night. 350 00:33:01,763 --> 00:33:04,922 - You've been doing it weekly. - I won last week. 351 00:33:04,923 --> 00:33:07,842 What else are you doing with the money, Ray? 352 00:33:07,843 --> 00:33:11,122 - You can't even look at me. - I'm looking right at you. 353 00:33:11,123 --> 00:33:14,762 You weren't. And you've got your car out there. 354 00:33:14,763 --> 00:33:17,322 God knows what you spend on that. 355 00:33:17,323 --> 00:33:19,442 That comes out of my pocket. 356 00:33:19,443 --> 00:33:21,882 - Don't ruin this. - Ruin what? 357 00:33:21,883 --> 00:33:23,882 You didn't come in till 3:00 in the morning. 358 00:33:23,883 --> 00:33:27,562 - I was with John. - She's drinking again. 359 00:33:27,563 --> 00:33:31,033 And who else? I saw you eyeing her. 360 00:33:47,003 --> 00:33:49,522 Thought you all were going to a movie. 361 00:33:49,523 --> 00:33:51,953 I had a lot of homework. 362 00:33:53,283 --> 00:33:58,943 - How come you aren't playing poker? - The game got cancelled. 363 00:34:00,563 --> 00:34:04,843 - They coming home soon? - Not too long. 364 00:34:07,563 --> 00:34:11,553 Well, there's plenty of food if you want. 365 00:34:11,563 --> 00:34:13,323 Thanks. 366 00:34:51,923 --> 00:34:54,003 This isn't right. 367 00:35:42,563 --> 00:35:44,403 Is everyone gone? 368 00:35:47,963 --> 00:35:51,922 - It is my business! This is my house! - It is not! 369 00:35:51,923 --> 00:35:55,562 - Get out of my room! - You abide by the laws I put down! 370 00:35:55,563 --> 00:36:00,602 I am not gonna get out! I waited up for you. I want to know who you were with! 371 00:36:00,603 --> 00:36:03,762 Don't give me your shit. You stayed up to drink. 372 00:36:03,763 --> 00:36:09,073 - I stayed up to catch you, you whore! - You should know. 373 00:36:09,523 --> 00:36:13,373 Try it again, I'll take you out, bitch. 374 00:36:14,243 --> 00:36:18,922 Carolee! You walk out that door, don't you bother coming back. 375 00:36:18,923 --> 00:36:25,082 Why the hell would I want to? I've been down this road with you before, Mom. 376 00:36:25,083 --> 00:36:29,283 Sorry, Davey. I can't go through this again. 377 00:36:30,403 --> 00:36:32,043 Carolee. 378 00:36:42,363 --> 00:36:47,402 You used to like it before you started doing that bitch. Admit it, bastard! 379 00:36:47,403 --> 00:36:49,522 - You're screwing her! - You need to call your sponsor. 380 00:36:49,523 --> 00:36:52,482 - Screw my sponsor! - Go back to bed. 381 00:36:52,483 --> 00:36:56,282 I should've gotten rid of her. Know what I'm gonna do? 382 00:36:56,283 --> 00:36:58,722 I'm gonna go in there and cash her check. 383 00:36:58,723 --> 00:37:03,363 Hey, Starr. Starr. Hey! Starr! Give me that gun. 384 00:37:04,323 --> 00:37:08,593 - What the hell is wrong with you? - Get off! 385 00:37:09,483 --> 00:37:12,083 Starr! Starr! 386 00:37:14,083 --> 00:37:17,202 Get off of me, goddamn it! Get off of me! 387 00:37:17,203 --> 00:37:21,763 No, Ray! Goddamn it, Ray. Get off of me! 388 00:37:37,363 --> 00:37:43,402 No, don't cry. We're not like that. We're the Vikings, remember? 389 00:37:43,403 --> 00:37:48,083 Astrid? Can you talk to me? Astrid? 390 00:37:48,243 --> 00:37:53,682 Astrid? Can you talk to me? Astrid. Talk to me. Can you talk to me? 391 00:37:53,683 --> 00:37:58,482 She's coming around. This boy saved your life. If he hadn't called 911... 392 00:37:58,483 --> 00:38:01,602 you'd be dead. - Who did this to you, Astrid? 393 00:38:01,603 --> 00:38:04,693 - Who shot you? - I don't know. 394 00:38:05,083 --> 00:38:07,103 Hey, watch your feet. 395 00:38:07,123 --> 00:38:09,283 - Ok, rug. - Got it. 396 00:38:10,843 --> 00:38:16,403 - Where's Ray, Davey? - He's gone. They're both gone. 397 00:38:18,003 --> 00:38:22,083 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ruined it. 398 00:38:22,243 --> 00:38:25,522 Doesn't matter. Something would have. 399 00:38:25,523 --> 00:38:27,483 Bye, Astrid. 400 00:38:27,643 --> 00:38:28,842 Ok. One step. 401 00:38:28,843 --> 00:38:31,663 - Davey. - We got you, Astrid. 402 00:38:32,083 --> 00:38:33,923 Ok, step. 403 00:38:38,803 --> 00:38:40,483 We got her. 404 00:38:43,443 --> 00:38:46,603 It's ok. We got you. 405 00:39:20,843 --> 00:39:25,562 We'd prefer to find a permanent place, but we have so many children right now. 406 00:39:25,563 --> 00:39:29,202 You need special attention, which you'll get at McKinney Hall. 407 00:39:29,203 --> 00:39:33,233 They have all sorts of activities for kids. 408 00:39:40,043 --> 00:39:44,413 You're dead, bitch! You hear me? You're dead. 409 00:39:44,523 --> 00:39:48,642 Don't ever look at my boyfriend again. You hear me? 410 00:39:48,643 --> 00:39:52,323 You look at my boyfriend, you're dead! 411 00:41:02,043 --> 00:41:09,773 Next time you and your friends jump me, I'll cut your throats when you're sleeping. 412 00:41:23,243 --> 00:41:28,103 - What do you want? - I was looking at your picture. 413 00:41:29,563 --> 00:41:30,883 It's good. 414 00:41:33,043 --> 00:41:34,403 Who is it? 415 00:41:40,643 --> 00:41:46,303 - How come you chopped off your hair? - None of your business. 416 00:41:48,203 --> 00:41:52,362 - You're still beautiful. - Looks don't interest me. 417 00:41:52,363 --> 00:41:57,353 That's easy for you to say. You've never been ugly. 418 00:42:20,563 --> 00:42:25,923 Look. It's the puta. She's so ugly now. 419 00:43:02,483 --> 00:43:04,283 You're not ugly. 420 00:43:12,483 --> 00:43:16,722 You write as if you're surprised to find me still beautiful even here. 421 00:43:16,723 --> 00:43:20,042 Our beauty is our power, our strength. 422 00:43:20,043 --> 00:43:23,922 We can't allow them to change us, to lessen us. 423 00:43:23,923 --> 00:43:29,963 I will never grant them that satisfaction and neither should you. 424 00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:41,683 So is this your first time in Mac? 425 00:43:43,003 --> 00:43:46,283 Figured. You're so unfriendly. 426 00:43:46,963 --> 00:43:51,762 - Life's easier without friends. - Maybe. I like it here. 427 00:43:51,763 --> 00:43:59,173 It's better than being in a foster home. It's the floor you can't fall below. 428 00:44:03,123 --> 00:44:05,963 - What's that? - A letter. 429 00:44:06,163 --> 00:44:09,723 - From who? - My mother. 430 00:44:10,723 --> 00:44:14,823 - And where is she? - In prison. For murder. 431 00:44:15,323 --> 00:44:19,143 - And your father? - Don't know the guy. 432 00:44:21,443 --> 00:44:23,243 How about you? 433 00:44:23,643 --> 00:44:25,353 They were junkies. 434 00:44:25,363 --> 00:44:28,882 She OD'd when I was 6. He disappeared a couple years later. 435 00:44:28,883 --> 00:44:32,482 - I was born addicted to heroin. - Really? What was that like? 436 00:44:32,483 --> 00:44:39,023 I don't know. I was out of rehab by the time I was six months old. 437 00:44:39,403 --> 00:44:40,843 So... 438 00:44:43,163 --> 00:44:46,162 - What's the deal? Are you gay? - What? 439 00:44:46,163 --> 00:44:53,543 I don't know. I get this feeling from you, like you're not interested in guys. 440 00:44:53,923 --> 00:44:56,202 You're right. I'm not. 441 00:44:56,203 --> 00:45:00,882 You think that's funny? I'm sick of this. I'm not gonna let you do this again. 442 00:45:00,883 --> 00:45:03,962 Why don't you shut up? You're not even in this. 443 00:45:03,963 --> 00:45:06,442 - Cut it out. - She does this shit. 444 00:45:06,443 --> 00:45:10,162 I'll beat your ass. Wait until we get off the van. 445 00:45:10,163 --> 00:45:14,053 - Back off. - I'm gonna push you farther. 446 00:45:16,723 --> 00:45:20,362 - What if they catch us? - They'd put us in McKinney Hall. 447 00:45:20,363 --> 00:45:22,403 - Hurry. - Come on. 448 00:45:23,123 --> 00:45:24,863 Come on, come on. 449 00:45:27,043 --> 00:45:29,023 The guy's a genius. 450 00:45:29,523 --> 00:45:33,643 I started out copying his stuff, but no... 451 00:45:33,803 --> 00:45:36,133 I could never touch him. 452 00:45:37,523 --> 00:45:41,683 He's great. But you're better. 453 00:45:44,483 --> 00:45:46,243 You're insane. 454 00:45:49,843 --> 00:45:55,682 No, I'm not. I mean, he's a great cartoonist, but you're an artist. 455 00:45:55,683 --> 00:45:58,083 What's the difference? 456 00:45:58,243 --> 00:46:02,643 Well, that's like asking why a joke is funny. 457 00:46:02,803 --> 00:46:07,442 Either it's funny or it's not. You're either an artist or you're not. 458 00:46:07,443 --> 00:46:09,003 You are. 459 00:46:32,203 --> 00:46:36,783 It's hard because they keep moving. That's good. 460 00:46:37,843 --> 00:46:40,443 Don't look. I'm not done. 461 00:47:43,963 --> 00:47:48,233 - There's another one. Do you see it? - Yeah. 462 00:47:55,043 --> 00:47:58,802 The Lyrids shower is visible most of the night. 463 00:47:58,803 --> 00:48:01,343 The brightest star is Vega. 464 00:48:01,683 --> 00:48:05,802 But you can't look right at it or you'll miss the fainter meteors. 465 00:48:05,803 --> 00:48:08,963 You can trace them back to Lyra. 466 00:48:10,443 --> 00:48:12,943 How do you know all that? 467 00:48:15,763 --> 00:48:17,983 A kid I used to know. 468 00:48:29,163 --> 00:48:33,603 I used to have a foster home right over there. 469 00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:41,103 It's nice living on the beach. 470 00:48:47,043 --> 00:48:50,483 Do you ever think about your father? 471 00:48:52,563 --> 00:48:55,483 Not really. He was an asshole. 472 00:48:59,403 --> 00:49:02,153 I think about mine sometimes. 473 00:49:03,803 --> 00:49:06,242 That when I'm an artist... 474 00:49:06,243 --> 00:49:12,373 he'll read about me in the papers and he'll want to meet me. 475 00:49:18,683 --> 00:49:20,563 I'm not gay. 476 00:49:23,323 --> 00:49:24,723 I know that. 477 00:49:49,843 --> 00:49:53,963 I'll show you the one that he did of me. 478 00:49:59,603 --> 00:50:02,643 It's right here. 479 00:50:03,163 --> 00:50:06,633 They're not bad, for what they are. 480 00:50:07,043 --> 00:50:10,483 For what they are? What are they? 481 00:50:11,163 --> 00:50:13,203 Cartoons. 482 00:50:13,723 --> 00:50:15,322 No, they're not. 483 00:50:15,323 --> 00:50:19,722 They're so much more than that. I mean, he's really talented. 484 00:50:19,723 --> 00:50:22,962 - Don't do it again, Astrid. - Do what? 485 00:50:22,963 --> 00:50:27,442 Attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention... 486 00:50:27,443 --> 00:50:29,743 because you're lonely. 487 00:50:30,363 --> 00:50:35,922 Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. 488 00:50:35,923 --> 00:50:40,402 The best you can do is know yourself. Know what you want. 489 00:50:40,403 --> 00:50:43,762 And don't let the cattle get in the way. 490 00:50:43,763 --> 00:50:48,242 You're not talking about me. You're talking about yourself. 491 00:50:48,243 --> 00:50:53,522 Sometimes I get the feeling you don't even want me to be happy. 492 00:50:53,523 --> 00:50:57,163 Why wouldn't I want you to be happy? 493 00:51:05,523 --> 00:51:09,793 - Where are they sending you? - I don't know. 494 00:51:12,763 --> 00:51:14,243 Look. 495 00:51:18,003 --> 00:51:21,042 The comic book store will hold letters for me. 496 00:51:21,043 --> 00:51:25,043 Wherever they take you, keep checking there. 497 00:52:23,643 --> 00:52:26,962 Why do we have to go to M�xico to buy this stuff? 498 00:52:26,963 --> 00:52:29,323 It isn't FDA approved. 499 00:52:31,203 --> 00:52:34,963 - What's it called? - DMSO. 500 00:52:36,123 --> 00:52:41,483 - What's it for? - All sorts of things. 501 00:52:45,763 --> 00:52:52,642 You'll like these people. She's an actress and he does something with television. 502 00:52:52,643 --> 00:52:57,883 - Do they have any kids? - No. They're looking to adopt. 503 00:53:47,163 --> 00:53:49,842 She's had an incredibly hard time. 504 00:53:49,843 --> 00:53:54,682 She's very smart. She's just missed a lot of school. 505 00:53:54,683 --> 00:53:58,362 - You don't have to decide immediately. - Ok. 506 00:53:58,363 --> 00:54:00,723 Just talk to her. 507 00:54:00,883 --> 00:54:05,913 If you're uncomfortable in any way, just let me know. 508 00:54:18,043 --> 00:54:19,963 There you are. 509 00:54:21,723 --> 00:54:28,482 I'm really sorry Mark couldn't be here to meet you. He's filming in Nova Scotia. 510 00:54:28,483 --> 00:54:31,922 Well, this is it. I left it plain on purpose... 511 00:54:31,923 --> 00:54:37,882 because I thought that way, you know, you could put your own things up. 512 00:54:37,883 --> 00:54:42,202 - I like the D�rer watercolor. - You know who D�rer is? 513 00:54:42,203 --> 00:54:46,162 - My mother's an artist. - Oh, that's right. Of course. 514 00:54:46,163 --> 00:54:51,922 Of course. They said that. Hey, listen. Do you want some tea or something? 515 00:54:51,923 --> 00:54:57,442 Or Pepsi. I bought Pepsi. I didn't know what you'd drink. We have juice. 516 00:54:57,443 --> 00:55:01,722 I could make you a smoothie, if you like. Would you like a smoothie? 517 00:55:01,723 --> 00:55:03,043 Tea is fine. 518 00:55:07,643 --> 00:55:12,443 Ok. I look, I look. Stop. Look... 519 00:55:15,123 --> 00:55:16,803 And now I die. 520 00:55:22,163 --> 00:55:26,042 - You were really good. - Do you know what a nightmare it is? 521 00:55:26,043 --> 00:55:30,482 I mean, you spend all this time getting ready, ages getting ready... 522 00:55:30,483 --> 00:55:34,442 drag yourself to this audition. They look at you for two seconds... 523 00:55:34,443 --> 00:55:40,082 and tell you that you're too ethnic, or too classic, too something. 524 00:55:40,083 --> 00:55:41,923 Too ethnic? 525 00:55:42,523 --> 00:55:47,203 It means brunette. And too classic means old. 526 00:55:47,363 --> 00:55:51,723 And too small, breasts. 527 00:55:53,283 --> 00:55:58,523 - Why do you do it, then? - What? Give up show business? 528 00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:15,043 Come on! 529 00:56:25,243 --> 00:56:30,763 - Well, here. To your first run at the beach. - Never again. 530 00:56:30,803 --> 00:56:34,562 - How's your shoulder? You ok? - Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. 531 00:56:34,563 --> 00:56:39,493 No, you did really well. You did really, really well. 532 00:56:52,083 --> 00:56:53,683 What was... 533 00:56:53,963 --> 00:56:57,483 the best day of your life? 534 00:57:02,843 --> 00:57:04,363 Today. 535 00:57:06,843 --> 00:57:11,962 - What should we do later? - I don't know. What do you want to do? 536 00:57:11,963 --> 00:57:13,363 Swim? 537 00:57:13,763 --> 00:57:15,243 Ok. 538 00:57:17,083 --> 00:57:18,843 Oh, my God! 539 00:57:19,443 --> 00:57:21,683 He's back early. 540 00:57:26,963 --> 00:57:28,323 Mark. 541 00:57:29,003 --> 00:57:30,003 Hey. 542 00:57:32,163 --> 00:57:33,803 Hi. 543 00:57:43,243 --> 00:57:45,483 You must be Astrid. 544 00:57:46,483 --> 00:57:49,082 It took us three hours to get him back. 545 00:57:49,083 --> 00:57:53,562 The whole film crew's in there. He still almost chickens out. 546 00:57:53,563 --> 00:57:57,762 I think he thought it was gonna come back and finish him off. 547 00:57:57,763 --> 00:58:00,762 - What would you have done if it had? - Ducked. 548 00:58:00,763 --> 00:58:02,403 Come on. 549 00:58:03,883 --> 00:58:06,403 Ok, here we go. 550 00:58:06,563 --> 00:58:10,183 Perfect. Just, just right there. Thanks. 551 00:58:17,843 --> 00:58:19,922 - Well, cheers. - Cheers. 552 00:58:19,923 --> 00:58:21,883 Cheers, Astrid. 553 00:58:22,963 --> 00:58:26,162 So we've got some catching up to do. 554 00:58:26,163 --> 00:58:29,202 Claire tells me you're quite an artist. 555 00:58:29,203 --> 00:58:31,842 - Not really... - She's wonderful. 556 00:58:31,843 --> 00:58:36,322 In fact, Tricia Day accepted Astrid for one of her watercolor classes. 557 00:58:36,323 --> 00:58:39,162 - At the museum? - She loves Astrid's work. 558 00:58:39,163 --> 00:58:41,763 You should show him. 559 00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:50,482 They're really, really beautiful. 560 00:58:50,483 --> 00:58:53,402 She's never even studied. She's self-taught. 561 00:58:53,403 --> 00:58:55,243 Is that right? 562 00:59:02,323 --> 00:59:04,063 Is she all right? 563 00:59:09,523 --> 00:59:12,282 - I know you're perfect. - I'm not perfect. 564 00:59:12,283 --> 00:59:14,722 Of course you are. You're my daughter. 565 00:59:14,723 --> 00:59:16,203 Hey. 566 00:59:17,203 --> 00:59:20,803 - Are you ok? - Yeah. Just thinking. 567 00:59:25,163 --> 00:59:28,683 - Are you getting my letters? - Yes. 568 00:59:28,843 --> 00:59:32,383 - I can never be sure. - I get them. 569 00:59:35,483 --> 00:59:38,562 Why doesn't she have any children? 570 00:59:38,563 --> 00:59:40,923 She can't have them. 571 00:59:41,923 --> 00:59:44,183 You dress like her now. 572 00:59:47,043 --> 00:59:49,403 She takes me shopping. 573 00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:54,293 What's her husband like? 574 00:59:56,163 --> 00:59:58,003 He's nice. 575 00:59:58,163 --> 01:00:00,563 He's gone a lot. 576 01:00:02,123 --> 01:00:06,253 So you spend most of your time with Claire? 577 01:00:06,883 --> 01:00:08,323 Yeah. 578 01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:11,743 I'd like to meet her. 579 01:00:11,923 --> 01:00:13,163 Why? 580 01:00:14,323 --> 01:00:17,273 Because you don't want me to. 581 01:00:22,163 --> 01:00:24,643 Who did this belong to? 582 01:00:25,123 --> 01:00:29,482 That was my great aunt's on my father's side. 583 01:00:29,483 --> 01:00:33,922 She was a field nurse at Ypres. Very, very brave woman. 584 01:00:33,923 --> 01:00:36,283 It's pretty, isn't it? 585 01:00:39,643 --> 01:00:42,962 - And whose was this? - It was my mother's. 586 01:00:42,963 --> 01:00:48,642 My father gave it to her. My parents were completely inseparable. 587 01:00:48,643 --> 01:00:51,383 Not at all like Mark and I. 588 01:00:53,243 --> 01:00:57,813 I hate it when he has to go away for so long. 589 01:00:58,403 --> 01:01:03,913 - Why don't you go with him? - He says it slows him down. 590 01:01:07,083 --> 01:01:11,922 - I think it's because he's having an affair. - He wouldn't have an affair. 591 01:01:11,923 --> 01:01:14,123 He loves you. 592 01:01:14,323 --> 01:01:19,442 Yeah, I know. If he did, I would never know about it. 593 01:01:19,443 --> 01:01:21,522 You're just being paranoid. 594 01:01:21,523 --> 01:01:27,003 Yeah, that's what he says. That can be very negative. 595 01:01:39,923 --> 01:01:43,042 - Should I put this here? - Yeah, perfect. 596 01:01:43,043 --> 01:01:45,323 Everything ready inside? 597 01:01:51,603 --> 01:01:55,603 - You're leaving tomorrow? - In the morning. 598 01:01:56,563 --> 01:02:00,322 I bet Claire would love to go with you. 599 01:02:00,323 --> 01:02:04,203 Coordinating our schedules is difficult. 600 01:02:04,363 --> 01:02:07,842 She's not working. I mean, she could fit into yours. 601 01:02:07,843 --> 01:02:12,882 What about you? Doesn't she need to be here for you? 602 01:02:12,883 --> 01:02:14,083 Yeah. 603 01:02:15,803 --> 01:02:20,683 How is she these days, when I'm gone? She ok? 604 01:02:20,883 --> 01:02:22,403 She's fine. 605 01:02:22,563 --> 01:02:25,483 - Why do you ask? - No reason. 606 01:02:45,683 --> 01:02:48,083 You're back early. 607 01:02:50,083 --> 01:02:53,202 How long has my mother been writing you? 608 01:02:53,203 --> 01:02:58,202 Not long. We've only written to each other a couple of times. 609 01:02:58,203 --> 01:03:02,642 - Why didn't you tell me? - She asked me not to. 610 01:03:02,643 --> 01:03:06,843 Well, she thought that you wouldn't like it. 611 01:03:09,163 --> 01:03:13,483 Her letter was so powerful. 612 01:03:13,683 --> 01:03:15,563 She's so strong. 613 01:03:15,723 --> 01:03:19,763 And God, she's talented. 614 01:03:22,603 --> 01:03:24,513 We'd like to meet. 615 01:03:26,963 --> 01:03:29,003 Whose ideia was that? 616 01:03:29,403 --> 01:03:30,603 Mine. 617 01:03:32,283 --> 01:03:34,403 I bet. 618 01:03:36,563 --> 01:03:40,242 - You know, I really love your work. - What have you seen? 619 01:03:40,243 --> 01:03:42,642 Astrid showed me the collages... 620 01:03:42,643 --> 01:03:45,922 and some of your earlier work in the catalogues. 621 01:03:45,923 --> 01:03:49,042 Oh, I love the Polaroid installation. 622 01:03:49,043 --> 01:03:50,843 Really? Why? 623 01:03:53,363 --> 01:03:54,823 I don't know. 624 01:03:55,563 --> 01:03:57,363 Well, because... 625 01:03:57,523 --> 01:03:59,923 Well, because it's great. 626 01:04:01,523 --> 01:04:07,123 - I'm actually very visual myself. - A kindred spirit. 627 01:04:08,723 --> 01:04:12,783 It must be difficult for you to work here. 628 01:04:13,043 --> 01:04:17,082 It is. I spend so much time fighting off sexual advances... 629 01:04:17,083 --> 01:04:20,003 I hardly have time to think. 630 01:04:21,843 --> 01:04:23,513 That was a joke. 631 01:04:27,083 --> 01:04:31,673 - Jailbird humor is hard to get sometimes. - Sorry. 632 01:04:32,243 --> 01:04:34,803 So, you're an actress. 633 01:04:35,163 --> 01:04:39,803 - So glamorous. - No, my career is a disaster. 634 01:04:40,363 --> 01:04:44,722 I think it's the process. It, you know, may be too painful for me. 635 01:04:44,723 --> 01:04:47,402 You're such a sensitive person, it's... 636 01:04:47,403 --> 01:04:51,242 All that rejection has gotta be hard on your self-esteem. 637 01:04:51,243 --> 01:04:56,442 I'm a typical Pisces, but that's why Astrid and I get on so well. 638 01:04:56,443 --> 01:04:59,962 Scorpio and Pisces understand each other. 639 01:04:59,963 --> 01:05:02,002 You're into astrology? 640 01:05:02,003 --> 01:05:07,383 She's not into astrology just because she knows our signs. 641 01:05:08,003 --> 01:05:11,922 Astrid and I used to understand each other. 642 01:05:11,923 --> 01:05:14,762 But she's become so secretive. 643 01:05:14,763 --> 01:05:21,183 Astrid isn't secretive at all. We talk about everything, all the time. 644 01:05:21,723 --> 01:05:24,003 We just love her. 645 01:05:24,163 --> 01:05:26,443 She's doing so well. 646 01:05:26,603 --> 01:05:28,562 She's on the honor roll... 647 01:05:28,563 --> 01:05:33,202 and we're just working to keep that old grade point average up. 648 01:05:33,203 --> 01:05:36,402 Put a pyramid over her desk. It improves memory. 649 01:05:36,403 --> 01:05:40,642 - My memory's fine. - A pyramid? I hadn't thought of that. 650 01:05:40,643 --> 01:05:43,703 I do practice feng shui, though. 651 01:05:43,763 --> 01:05:46,482 You never mentioned that in your letters. 652 01:05:46,483 --> 01:05:51,513 How about your husband? Is he into feng shui as well? 653 01:05:51,523 --> 01:05:54,602 No, he's into frequent flier miles. 654 01:05:54,603 --> 01:05:57,403 He's gone half the time. 655 01:05:57,723 --> 01:06:03,303 That's not so bad, you know? And now that I have Astrid... 656 01:06:03,923 --> 01:06:06,802 She must be a great comfort to you... 657 01:06:06,803 --> 01:06:11,213 not being able to have children of your own. 658 01:06:11,523 --> 01:06:14,643 Yeah. Yeah. She is. 659 01:06:19,723 --> 01:06:24,523 Would you mind letting us talk alone, sweetie? 660 01:06:24,963 --> 01:06:27,363 Grown-up things. 661 01:06:28,203 --> 01:06:32,203 - Don't we have to go? - No, it's ok. 662 01:06:32,643 --> 01:06:34,043 We have time. 663 01:06:52,523 --> 01:06:54,843 Love humiliates you. 664 01:06:55,003 --> 01:06:57,283 Hatred cradles you. 665 01:06:58,043 --> 01:06:59,723 It's soothing. 666 01:07:01,763 --> 01:07:04,193 What did you say to her? 667 01:07:04,443 --> 01:07:07,762 She's having trouble with her husband. 668 01:07:07,763 --> 01:07:12,042 It's not you, is it? I know you have an attraction for older men. 669 01:07:12,043 --> 01:07:14,523 No, it's not me. 670 01:07:14,683 --> 01:07:17,762 - You leave her alone. - But it's such fun. 671 01:07:17,763 --> 01:07:19,403 Easy, but fun. 672 01:07:19,603 --> 01:07:24,442 In my present situation I have to get fun where I can. 673 01:07:24,443 --> 01:07:27,602 God, how can you stand to live with poor Claire? 674 01:07:27,603 --> 01:07:31,722 Did you know there's an entire order called the Poor Clares? 675 01:07:31,723 --> 01:07:34,713 She is a genuinely nice person. 676 01:07:37,043 --> 01:07:39,922 You don't know what it's been like. 677 01:07:39,923 --> 01:07:44,293 - If you love me, you'll help me. - Help you? 678 01:07:46,643 --> 01:07:52,722 I would rather see you in the worst kind of foster hell than living with that woman. 679 01:07:52,723 --> 01:07:55,602 What can you possibly learn from her? 680 01:07:55,603 --> 01:07:57,903 How to pine artistically? 681 01:07:58,723 --> 01:08:02,323 Twenty-seven names for tears? 682 01:08:04,603 --> 01:08:07,403 All I can say is... 683 01:08:08,963 --> 01:08:11,803 keep your bags packed. 684 01:08:13,323 --> 01:08:16,842 I don't feel like it. I'm a stranger in my own house. 685 01:08:16,843 --> 01:08:19,922 You live here and I stay here once in a while. 686 01:08:19,923 --> 01:08:22,682 - Maybe if you gave a little bit. - I give. 687 01:08:22,683 --> 01:08:26,162 Why can't I give to her, why can't I be here? 688 01:08:26,163 --> 01:08:30,442 - Because I work! Because I have a job. - That's not fair. 689 01:08:30,443 --> 01:08:33,722 I give you everything you ask for and it's not enough. 690 01:08:33,723 --> 01:08:37,083 No, not everything. Not everything. 691 01:08:37,243 --> 01:08:39,962 You promised things would change. 692 01:08:39,963 --> 01:08:44,882 - Mark, I'm trying, you know I'm trying. - Trying's not good enough. 693 01:08:44,883 --> 01:08:48,162 You're falling apart. We are back to where we started. 694 01:08:48,163 --> 01:08:53,322 It is not working out and I think we should send her back. 695 01:08:53,323 --> 01:08:55,562 You can't just send her back. 696 01:08:55,563 --> 01:08:58,562 - Where's she gonna go? - They'll find someplace. 697 01:08:58,563 --> 01:09:02,802 You're gonna send her away? You take everything away, don't you? 698 01:09:02,803 --> 01:09:07,562 - You just leave me with nothing. - Jesus Christ, you are such a bad actress. 699 01:09:07,563 --> 01:09:10,163 I really almost forgot. 700 01:09:11,243 --> 01:09:14,043 Ok, ok. 701 01:09:14,403 --> 01:09:18,002 All right, I'll send her back, ok? We can try that. 702 01:09:18,003 --> 01:09:21,602 Just don't go, ok? Just don't leave me. 703 01:09:21,603 --> 01:09:25,013 Unlike you, Claire, I work. Remember? 704 01:09:25,443 --> 01:09:29,163 And she going with you, your girlfriend? 705 01:09:29,843 --> 01:09:32,863 I've had it with this, Claire. 706 01:09:33,043 --> 01:09:35,043 I've really had it. 707 01:09:39,363 --> 01:09:41,203 Astrid? 708 01:10:00,123 --> 01:10:01,203 Astrid. 709 01:10:06,323 --> 01:10:08,883 Astrid, please. 710 01:10:42,843 --> 01:10:44,483 Claire? 711 01:10:46,523 --> 01:10:48,723 Are you awake? 712 01:11:02,003 --> 01:11:03,523 I'm sorry. 713 01:11:05,043 --> 01:11:06,853 Are you all right? 714 01:11:08,443 --> 01:11:09,923 Yeah. 715 01:11:11,683 --> 01:11:16,563 Take my advice. Stay away from broken people. 716 01:11:18,643 --> 01:11:21,003 You can't send me back. 717 01:11:21,483 --> 01:11:24,333 He's not coming back, Astrid. 718 01:11:25,803 --> 01:11:28,523 He's gonna divorce me. 719 01:11:28,723 --> 01:11:33,373 You know, Claire, it wouldn't be the worst thing. 720 01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:42,283 I'm cold. 721 01:11:43,843 --> 01:11:46,003 Real cold. 722 01:11:47,683 --> 01:11:50,162 Here. Get in here with me. 723 01:11:50,163 --> 01:11:52,363 Come on. 724 01:11:59,403 --> 01:12:00,683 Ok. 725 01:12:01,923 --> 01:12:04,723 Stay with me, ok? 726 01:12:08,723 --> 01:12:11,883 Stay with me, please. 727 01:12:25,203 --> 01:12:26,643 Claire. 728 01:12:30,203 --> 01:12:31,843 Claire. 729 01:12:52,043 --> 01:12:54,273 Claire, wake up! Claire! 730 01:12:57,043 --> 01:12:58,563 God! 731 01:13:05,723 --> 01:13:08,243 Claire, please. 732 01:13:11,123 --> 01:13:13,363 No! 733 01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:35,603 Astrid. 734 01:13:59,963 --> 01:14:01,563 What is it? 735 01:14:01,763 --> 01:14:03,362 I'm back in Mac. 736 01:14:03,363 --> 01:14:06,213 - Didn't they tell you? - No. 737 01:14:06,323 --> 01:14:08,163 Claire's dead. 738 01:14:08,323 --> 01:14:10,803 She killed herself. 739 01:14:11,243 --> 01:14:14,263 - I'm sorry. - No, you're not. 740 01:14:15,563 --> 01:14:20,802 - You poisoned her too, but with words. - I told her what she already knew. 741 01:14:20,803 --> 01:14:22,893 You were just jealous. 742 01:14:22,963 --> 01:14:27,442 Of course I was jealous. I live in a cell with a woman... 743 01:14:27,443 --> 01:14:31,643 who has a vocabulary of 25 words. 744 01:14:32,203 --> 01:14:34,522 Why do you think they got you? 745 01:14:34,523 --> 01:14:38,162 To create a perfect family? People get babies for that. 746 01:14:38,163 --> 01:14:40,722 Not teenagers recovering from bullet wounds. 747 01:14:40,723 --> 01:14:44,682 You were on suicide watch. Don't think it's the first time she tried it. 748 01:14:44,683 --> 01:14:48,842 It's just the first time she pulled it off. 749 01:14:48,843 --> 01:14:51,603 I'm not coming back. 750 01:14:51,763 --> 01:14:54,482 I wanted to tell you that in person. 751 01:14:54,483 --> 01:14:57,643 I'm gonna leave you here, alone. 752 01:15:00,723 --> 01:15:02,882 I know you think I'm cruel. 753 01:15:02,883 --> 01:15:05,682 I'm trying to protect you from those people. 754 01:15:05,683 --> 01:15:10,602 Those people are not the enemy, Mother. We are. You and me. 755 01:15:10,603 --> 01:15:13,933 They don't hurt us. We hurt them. 756 01:15:29,883 --> 01:15:32,363 You still ignoring me? 757 01:15:37,603 --> 01:15:41,522 I turn 18 Saturday. I'm going to Nova lorque. 758 01:15:41,523 --> 01:15:44,042 I want you to come with me. 759 01:15:44,043 --> 01:15:45,803 I can't. 760 01:15:46,003 --> 01:15:49,883 Sure you can. Just leave. 761 01:16:02,603 --> 01:16:04,883 Is it your mother? 762 01:16:12,803 --> 01:16:14,403 Come on. 763 01:16:14,563 --> 01:16:18,962 I'll get a job. We'll find a place to live. We'll be like we always talked about. 764 01:16:18,963 --> 01:16:24,813 I don't wanna go to Nova lorque. I don't wanna be with you. 765 01:16:55,603 --> 01:16:59,842 She was with us for three years. Her parents took her back. 766 01:16:59,843 --> 01:17:02,442 We think you'd really like it with us. 767 01:17:02,443 --> 01:17:07,303 There are lots of kids your age in our neighborhood. 768 01:17:10,203 --> 01:17:11,923 Excuse me. 769 01:17:15,843 --> 01:17:20,962 Look. Don't worry about it. She's had a very hard time recently. 770 01:17:20,963 --> 01:17:26,023 Let me just go talk to her, ok? You're doing fine. 771 01:17:29,363 --> 01:17:31,642 So, what's wrong this time? 772 01:17:31,643 --> 01:17:34,123 I'm too old for them. 773 01:17:38,563 --> 01:17:41,383 Look, the Greenways are great. 774 01:17:41,683 --> 01:17:46,162 They've got a nice house with an extra bedroom for you. 775 01:17:46,163 --> 01:17:48,523 They go to church. 776 01:17:48,683 --> 01:17:50,323 Schools are good. 777 01:17:50,323 --> 01:17:54,643 They don't smoke. He makes his own beer. 778 01:17:56,483 --> 01:17:57,763 I want her. 779 01:18:08,403 --> 01:18:11,683 Workers of the world, arise. 780 01:18:13,763 --> 01:18:20,733 You've got nothing to lose but Visa card, Happy Meal, and Kotex with wings. 781 01:18:22,643 --> 01:18:24,483 Christ, Thursday. 782 01:18:32,723 --> 01:18:37,402 - Hey, lazy cows, you want smoke? - I quit for the baby, Rena. 783 01:18:37,403 --> 01:18:40,803 Why? You don't keep it, thank God. 784 01:18:42,243 --> 01:18:45,082 Hey, you, cheerleader. You want smoke? 785 01:18:45,083 --> 01:18:47,803 Russian cigarettes. No cancer. 786 01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:08,843 Clothes. 787 01:19:11,443 --> 01:19:15,853 - That really is a nice color. - It's gorgeous. 788 01:19:18,323 --> 01:19:21,963 - What's it made of? - I don't know. 789 01:19:22,163 --> 01:19:25,642 Why don't you just try it on and see how you look? 790 01:19:25,643 --> 01:19:29,002 - It's really nice. - Ok, thank you. 791 01:19:29,003 --> 01:19:32,962 Hey, that's my dress. These are all mine. 792 01:19:32,963 --> 01:19:38,042 So? You get good price for them. What do you need expensive clothes for? 793 01:19:38,043 --> 01:19:41,922 - Melrose Place call you to be a star? - Someone gave them to me. 794 01:19:41,923 --> 01:19:45,682 Even better. All profit. That's why I love this country. 795 01:19:45,683 --> 01:19:48,402 Because it loves money like I love money. 796 01:19:48,403 --> 01:19:52,463 - Hey. You make a price, I take 25%. - No. 797 01:19:53,643 --> 01:19:57,122 What, you think you're gonna sell it all by yourself? 798 01:19:57,123 --> 01:20:04,002 I pay for stall, storage, gas. They pay you, you pay me. You still make profit. 799 01:20:04,003 --> 01:20:05,443 Hey. 800 01:20:06,083 --> 01:20:10,402 Dead person who give you thing don't care. The past is gone. 801 01:20:10,403 --> 01:20:14,883 Sentimental is stupid. It's smart to make money. 802 01:20:15,483 --> 01:20:18,843 There's no price. How about $20? 803 01:20:19,003 --> 01:20:23,002 It's a Marc Jacobs dress. It's been worn once. 804 01:20:23,003 --> 01:20:25,563 - Fifty? - A hundred. 805 01:20:29,523 --> 01:20:32,803 Thank you. Let's go. 806 01:20:35,403 --> 01:20:37,482 - How was last night? - It was fun. 807 01:20:37,483 --> 01:20:39,082 - Yeah? - What'd you do? 808 01:20:39,083 --> 01:20:42,442 - Watched TV. - Who were you with last night? 809 01:20:42,443 --> 01:20:44,202 - You know who I saw? - Who? 810 01:20:44,203 --> 01:20:46,083 I saw Danny. 811 01:20:46,243 --> 01:20:49,322 - Don't you think Astrid would like him? - No. 812 01:20:49,323 --> 01:20:51,043 Astrid? 813 01:20:53,163 --> 01:20:56,463 - I'm Hannah. This is Julie. - Hi. 814 01:20:56,563 --> 01:21:00,402 We went to your house. The lady said you'd be here, so... 815 01:21:00,403 --> 01:21:02,423 We visit your mother. 816 01:21:02,483 --> 01:21:06,093 She's our project in Women's Studies. 817 01:21:06,883 --> 01:21:09,922 - What does she want? - She didn't send us. 818 01:21:09,923 --> 01:21:11,442 We came on our own. 819 01:21:11,443 --> 01:21:16,042 She asked us to mail you the interview, her show at Bergamot. 820 01:21:16,043 --> 01:21:19,122 We thought we could deliver it and see if maybe... 821 01:21:19,123 --> 01:21:22,043 - Is that it? - Yeah. 822 01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:26,763 Excuse me. 823 01:21:29,043 --> 01:21:33,682 - What do you talk about? - All kinds of things. Art, music... 824 01:21:33,683 --> 01:21:35,633 She talks about you. 825 01:21:35,723 --> 01:21:37,043 Really? 826 01:21:38,803 --> 01:21:40,613 What does she say? 827 01:21:41,123 --> 01:21:43,282 Well, that you're in a... 828 01:21:43,283 --> 01:21:46,163 You know, fostered. 829 01:21:47,443 --> 01:21:50,962 Look, she feels really terrible about what's happened. 830 01:21:50,963 --> 01:21:55,713 So you thought you'd come out and what? Adopt me? 831 01:21:57,003 --> 01:22:00,853 You don't think she killed him, do you? 832 01:22:01,123 --> 01:22:03,442 Something you should know. 833 01:22:03,443 --> 01:22:06,043 She did. I was there. 834 01:22:09,123 --> 01:22:12,842 Oleander's poisonous. I don't know why people grow it. 835 01:22:12,843 --> 01:22:16,082 - Open the door! - How dare you? You have no right! 836 01:22:16,083 --> 01:22:21,793 They can't keep me. Don't worry, I'll be back in an hour! 837 01:23:04,563 --> 01:23:06,523 Who is that? 838 01:23:08,083 --> 01:23:09,643 I don't know. 839 01:23:09,843 --> 01:23:13,482 - You draw her all the time. - I think her name was Annie. 840 01:23:13,483 --> 01:23:18,473 She's someone I remember. I don't know who she was. 841 01:23:20,963 --> 01:23:23,363 Check it out, you guys. 842 01:23:23,563 --> 01:23:25,963 Rodeo Drive refugee. 843 01:23:26,243 --> 01:23:28,682 Excuse me, are you Rena Gruschenko? 844 01:23:28,683 --> 01:23:32,162 Gruschenka. If you come from INS, I have a green card. 845 01:23:32,163 --> 01:23:36,953 I have been all over this junkyard looking for you. 846 01:23:37,763 --> 01:23:43,383 You must be Astrid. I'm Susan Valeris, your mother's lawyer. 847 01:23:45,563 --> 01:23:47,043 Cigarette? 848 01:23:50,163 --> 01:23:52,882 - Don't know why I never quit. - I do. 849 01:23:52,883 --> 01:23:56,242 All the prisoners smoke. You can offer them one. 850 01:23:56,243 --> 01:23:59,322 Your mother's proud of you for not quitting school. 851 01:23:59,323 --> 01:24:03,762 You graduate soon. Are you making any plans for your future? 852 01:24:03,763 --> 01:24:07,753 Yeah. I thought I'd be a criminal lawyer. 853 01:24:07,763 --> 01:24:08,723 Really? 854 01:24:08,883 --> 01:24:13,053 Either that or a hooker or garbage collector. 855 01:24:13,723 --> 01:24:16,322 Your mother said you'd be difficult. 856 01:24:16,323 --> 01:24:20,882 - Mother knows best. - You've been through a terrible ordeal. 857 01:24:20,883 --> 01:24:25,602 Three foster homes, the shooting, the suicide of a foster mother. 858 01:24:25,603 --> 01:24:27,682 I understand you were close. 859 01:24:27,683 --> 01:24:31,402 Did you ask your client about her involvement with that? 860 01:24:31,403 --> 01:24:35,442 You can't blame her for the death of a woman she met once. 861 01:24:35,443 --> 01:24:37,962 But I do blame her, Susan. 862 01:24:37,963 --> 01:24:40,783 That's pretty cynical, Astrid. 863 01:24:41,083 --> 01:24:45,282 You want me to lie for her in court, is that it? 864 01:24:45,283 --> 01:24:48,003 Why do you hate her, Astrid? 865 01:24:49,283 --> 01:24:51,882 Because you think she committed murder? 866 01:24:51,883 --> 01:24:54,402 Or because you feel abandoned? 867 01:24:54,403 --> 01:24:57,323 Talk to her. People do change. 868 01:24:58,643 --> 01:25:04,282 You should hear the way she talks about you. She worries about you. 869 01:25:04,283 --> 01:25:07,122 She asked me to find out if there's anything you need. 870 01:25:07,123 --> 01:25:09,803 Money for college? Car? 871 01:25:10,443 --> 01:25:15,473 There's money behind her. Just tell me what you want. 872 01:25:45,443 --> 01:25:47,643 You are stupid girl. 873 01:25:49,043 --> 01:25:53,003 You walk away from money to punish mother. 874 01:25:53,243 --> 01:25:54,603 You want car? 875 01:25:55,963 --> 01:25:59,543 You want art college? All costs money. 876 01:26:01,363 --> 01:26:07,533 You don't know anything about this, Rena, so just stay out of it. 877 01:26:09,803 --> 01:26:14,202 - I have plan for you, anyway. - Yeah? What's that? 878 01:26:14,203 --> 01:26:16,443 Niki leave soon. 879 01:26:17,203 --> 01:26:19,673 And Yvonne is stupid girl. 880 01:26:19,723 --> 01:26:21,763 Making third baby. 881 01:26:21,923 --> 01:26:26,242 Every time she look at the window to see baby's face, baby gone. 882 01:26:26,243 --> 01:26:30,163 Then she cries like it's a big surprise. 883 01:26:30,483 --> 01:26:33,843 But you, you're a special girl. 884 01:26:36,883 --> 01:26:40,003 You stay, I make you partner. 885 01:26:41,403 --> 01:26:43,563 Stay here? 886 01:26:44,443 --> 01:26:47,673 What, you got better place to go? 887 01:26:52,963 --> 01:26:54,802 Then go see mother. 888 01:26:54,803 --> 01:26:58,162 She need something from you, you need something from her. 889 01:26:58,163 --> 01:26:59,803 Go get it. 890 01:27:05,003 --> 01:27:06,883 Here she comes. 891 01:27:15,203 --> 01:27:16,963 Astrid, my God! 892 01:27:17,123 --> 01:27:21,423 What's wrong, Mom? You don't like my outfit? 893 01:27:22,283 --> 01:27:25,993 I'll leave you two alone for a while. 894 01:27:37,363 --> 01:27:42,642 So, what's the story? We didn't go to M�xico to buy DMSO? 895 01:27:42,643 --> 01:27:44,882 Barry beat you? He raped me? 896 01:27:44,883 --> 01:27:48,802 How bad does he have to be to get you out of jail? 897 01:27:48,803 --> 01:27:53,562 I can't believe what's happened to you. When I get out, I'll make it up. 898 01:27:53,563 --> 01:27:56,273 Who said you're getting out? 899 01:27:56,403 --> 01:28:01,082 I said I'd talk to you. I didn't say I'd do it. 900 01:28:01,083 --> 01:28:03,242 Then what do you want? 901 01:28:03,243 --> 01:28:07,003 I have a deal to make. A trade. 902 01:28:08,403 --> 01:28:13,253 You tell me the truth, I'll lie for you in court. 903 01:28:14,643 --> 01:28:18,362 - The truth about what? - Everything you kept from me. 904 01:28:18,363 --> 01:28:22,833 - And if I don't? - Then you can rot in here. 905 01:28:23,203 --> 01:28:25,882 I hate this look, by the way. 906 01:28:25,883 --> 01:28:32,293 You're a Sunset Boulevard motel, a $20 hooker in the back of a car. 907 01:28:35,283 --> 01:28:37,683 Why did you murder Barry? 908 01:28:39,483 --> 01:28:42,562 If I submit to this, you'll testify? 909 01:28:42,563 --> 01:28:44,283 Yes. 910 01:28:47,083 --> 01:28:50,143 Self-defense. He was killing me. 911 01:28:51,763 --> 01:28:55,322 Claire did nothing to you. Why'd you go after her? 912 01:28:55,323 --> 01:29:00,803 Claire went after herself. I just showed her how to do it. 913 01:29:02,003 --> 01:29:03,813 Who was my father? 914 01:29:05,683 --> 01:29:09,122 Why do you always ask that? It's ancient history. 915 01:29:09,123 --> 01:29:12,663 It's my ancient history. Who was he? 916 01:29:12,963 --> 01:29:15,433 His name was Klaus Anders. 917 01:29:15,483 --> 01:29:18,953 - What'd he do? - He was an artist. 918 01:29:20,883 --> 01:29:22,643 How did you meet? 919 01:29:22,803 --> 01:29:27,243 At Venice Beach, at a party. He had the drugs. 920 01:29:28,403 --> 01:29:30,443 Did you love him? 921 01:29:31,083 --> 01:29:34,362 It was a long time ago. I'm not the same person. 922 01:29:34,363 --> 01:29:38,842 Liar. You're exactly the same. Answer the question. 923 01:29:38,843 --> 01:29:42,362 You're such a child, taking my propaganda for truth. 924 01:29:42,363 --> 01:29:45,973 So set me straight. Did you love him? 925 01:29:48,043 --> 01:29:52,362 We had a very sexual relationship. One overlooks many things. 926 01:29:52,363 --> 01:29:55,362 You worshipped him. I read it in your journal. 927 01:29:55,363 --> 01:30:00,562 "Worship" isn't exactly the word we're looking for here. 928 01:30:00,563 --> 01:30:02,523 Who is Annie? 929 01:30:03,923 --> 01:30:04,883 What? 930 01:30:05,043 --> 01:30:07,563 Who is Annie, Mother? 931 01:30:12,483 --> 01:30:16,682 She was a neighbor who took in kids, did people's laundry. 932 01:30:16,683 --> 01:30:22,723 - What did she look like? - Dark, curly hair, freckles. 933 01:30:24,083 --> 01:30:26,563 Did she take care of me? 934 01:30:32,763 --> 01:30:36,623 How can you possibly have remembered this? 935 01:30:42,603 --> 01:30:45,203 It will only hurt you. 936 01:30:49,963 --> 01:30:53,043 Imagine my life for a moment. 937 01:30:53,203 --> 01:30:59,043 How unprepared I was to be the mother of a small child. 938 01:30:59,443 --> 01:31:06,033 I was used to having time to think and you just wanted, wanted, wanted. 939 01:31:06,323 --> 01:31:08,843 I felt like a hostage. 940 01:31:09,003 --> 01:31:12,653 Can you understand how desperate I was? 941 01:31:25,363 --> 01:31:29,042 I dropped you off at her house one afternoon... 942 01:31:29,043 --> 01:31:32,863 to go to the beach with some friends. 943 01:31:33,443 --> 01:31:36,293 And one thing led to another. 944 01:31:37,843 --> 01:31:40,693 They had a place in Ensenada. 945 01:31:41,403 --> 01:31:43,523 It was wonderful. 946 01:31:44,003 --> 01:31:45,802 You can't imagine. 947 01:31:45,803 --> 01:31:48,242 To take a nap in the afternoon... 948 01:31:48,243 --> 01:31:52,602 to make love all day if I wanted and not have to think: 949 01:31:52,603 --> 01:31:56,402 What's Astrid doing? Where's Astrid? Mommy, Mommy... 950 01:31:56,403 --> 01:31:58,762 clinging to me like a spider. 951 01:31:58,763 --> 01:32:03,963 At the end, I just wanted to throw you against a wall. 952 01:32:08,603 --> 01:32:10,883 How long were you gone? 953 01:32:13,443 --> 01:32:15,563 About a year. 954 01:32:16,363 --> 01:32:18,933 Give or take a few months. 955 01:32:20,043 --> 01:32:23,642 - My God. - You're not asking the right question. 956 01:32:23,643 --> 01:32:28,282 Don't ask me why I left. Ask me why I came back. 957 01:32:28,283 --> 01:32:30,362 You should've been sterilized. 958 01:32:30,363 --> 01:32:33,402 I could've left you there but I didn't. 959 01:32:33,403 --> 01:32:38,503 Don't you understand? For once, I did the right thing. 960 01:32:38,563 --> 01:32:41,282 When I came back, you knew me. 961 01:32:41,283 --> 01:32:46,522 You were sitting by the door. You looked up and you reached for me. 962 01:32:46,523 --> 01:32:49,802 It was as if you'd been waiting for me all along. 963 01:32:49,803 --> 01:32:53,802 I was always waiting for you. That's the constant in my life. 964 01:32:53,803 --> 01:32:56,322 Waiting for you. Will you come back? 965 01:32:56,323 --> 01:33:01,442 Will you forget that you tied me up in front of a store or left me on a bus? 966 01:33:01,443 --> 01:33:04,263 - Are you still waiting? - No. 967 01:33:04,723 --> 01:33:09,962 I stopped when Claire showed me what it felt like to be loved. 968 01:33:09,963 --> 01:33:13,202 What did you think? That I would amuse you? 969 01:33:13,203 --> 01:33:15,682 That's what babies are like, Mother. 970 01:33:15,683 --> 01:33:18,722 Did you think we'd talk about Joseph Brodsky? 971 01:33:18,723 --> 01:33:22,322 I thought Klaus and I would live happily ever after. 972 01:33:22,323 --> 01:33:25,682 Adam and Eve in a vine-covered shack. I was crazy. 973 01:33:25,683 --> 01:33:28,722 - You were in love with him. - I was, all right? 974 01:33:28,723 --> 01:33:32,082 I was in love with him, baby makes three and all that crap. 975 01:33:32,083 --> 01:33:34,482 Then why did you leave him? 976 01:33:34,483 --> 01:33:40,063 - Why did you leave him? - I didn't leave him. He left me. 977 01:33:41,723 --> 01:33:44,362 You wanna know about your father? 978 01:33:44,363 --> 01:33:47,802 He left us when you were six months old for another woman. 979 01:33:47,803 --> 01:33:52,562 I never saw him again until he came looking for you when you were 8. 980 01:33:52,563 --> 01:33:54,922 - He came to see me? - Yes, he did. 981 01:33:54,923 --> 01:34:00,322 But it was too late. Why should I let him see you after what he did to me? 982 01:34:00,323 --> 01:34:04,882 It wasn't about you! It was about me and I wanted to see him! 983 01:34:04,883 --> 01:34:10,082 My whole life I've wanted to see him. That decision was mine, not yours! 984 01:34:10,083 --> 01:34:14,773 Everything's always been about you, never about me. 985 01:34:15,403 --> 01:34:19,762 I knew you were gonna kill Barry, but you didn't even care. 986 01:34:19,763 --> 01:34:24,402 You didn't give a damn about what that would do to me. 987 01:34:24,403 --> 01:34:27,442 I'll say whatever Susan wants, but I gotta go. 988 01:34:27,443 --> 01:34:32,242 You don't just walk away from me. I made you. I'm in your blood. 989 01:34:32,243 --> 01:34:36,002 You don't go anywhere until I let you go. 990 01:34:36,003 --> 01:34:38,283 Then let me go. 991 01:34:42,723 --> 01:34:47,523 You look at me and you don't like what you see. 992 01:34:48,323 --> 01:34:53,762 But this is the price, Mother. The price of belonging to you. 993 01:34:53,763 --> 01:34:57,193 If I could, I'd take it all back. 994 01:34:58,123 --> 01:34:59,963 I would. 995 01:35:01,843 --> 01:35:06,003 Then tell me you don't want me to testify. 996 01:35:06,203 --> 01:35:09,843 Tell me you don't want me like this. 997 01:35:13,883 --> 01:35:17,362 Tell me you would sacrifice the rest of your life... 998 01:35:17,363 --> 01:35:20,623 to have me back the way I was. 999 01:35:31,603 --> 01:35:35,073 Listen, forget it. A deal's a deal. 1000 01:35:36,563 --> 01:35:39,373 Let's just leave it at that. 1001 01:35:59,483 --> 01:36:02,962 Excuse me. It's probably a waste of time... 1002 01:36:02,963 --> 01:36:08,082 but I'm looking for someone who used to come here. His name's Paul Trout. 1003 01:36:08,083 --> 01:36:10,323 - You Astrid? - Yeah. 1004 01:36:19,283 --> 01:36:21,573 He said you'd turn up. 1005 01:36:25,563 --> 01:36:27,443 Thanks. 1006 01:37:53,363 --> 01:37:56,763 - What's going on? - I don't know. 1007 01:38:01,843 --> 01:38:06,283 - Excuse me. Is it a recess? - No. Jury's out. 1008 01:38:20,523 --> 01:38:23,473 Don't you need me to testify? 1009 01:38:24,363 --> 01:38:28,113 Your mother told me to leave you alone. 1010 01:39:15,643 --> 01:39:17,443 What happened? 1011 01:39:20,483 --> 01:39:22,843 She let me go. 1012 01:39:39,803 --> 01:39:42,682 Two years after Paul and I moved to Nova lorque... 1013 01:39:42,683 --> 01:39:45,522 I received a letter from my mother. 1014 01:39:45,523 --> 01:39:51,603 In it was the Los Angeles Times Magazine, my mother on the cover. 1015 01:39:51,763 --> 01:39:55,562 A Santa Monica gallery had mounted a showing of her work. 1016 01:39:55,563 --> 01:39:57,802 The Times included seven pages... 1017 01:39:57,803 --> 01:40:01,843 of her hauntingly distant prison collages. 1018 01:40:02,763 --> 01:40:08,843 She stares out from the cover, the bars of her cell behind her. 1019 01:40:09,363 --> 01:40:11,043 Beautiful. 1020 01:40:11,203 --> 01:40:13,203 Dangerous. 1021 01:40:13,443 --> 01:40:15,283 Proud. 1022 01:40:16,403 --> 01:40:21,842 The Times said she was close to winning a retrial after a first failed appeal. 1023 01:40:21,843 --> 01:40:25,003 They called her show a triumph. 1024 01:40:28,323 --> 01:40:33,722 It's too much to imagine her tempering her joy with a moment of grief... 1025 01:40:33,723 --> 01:40:37,823 a moment for what that triumph had cost. 1026 01:40:37,963 --> 01:40:42,163 These suitcases are a map of that country... 1027 01:40:42,323 --> 01:40:46,323 a terrible country I will never revisit. 1028 01:40:50,123 --> 01:40:52,003 Even so... 1029 01:40:53,163 --> 01:40:56,433 I find myself thinking of her... 1030 01:40:56,843 --> 01:41:00,123 wanting to feel that wind. 1031 01:41:01,563 --> 01:41:04,003 It's a secret wanting... 1032 01:41:04,283 --> 01:41:07,242 like a song I can't stop humming... 1033 01:41:07,243 --> 01:41:11,033 or loving someone you can never have. 1034 01:41:14,563 --> 01:41:18,243 No matter how much she's damaged me... 1035 01:41:19,203 --> 01:41:22,333 no matter how flawed she is... 1036 01:41:22,963 --> 01:41:26,163 I know my mother loves me.