1 00:00:36,616 --> 00:00:39,278 [Dog Yips, Pants] 2 00:00:41,154 --> 00:00:43,247 [Man Narrating] You know, there's nothing like the experience... 3 00:00:43,323 --> 00:00:46,258 of raising your first dog. 4 00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:50,422 Simple joy of walking side by side with your buddy out in the fresh air... 5 00:00:50,497 --> 00:00:52,522 throwin' a stick. 6 00:00:52,599 --> 00:00:56,228 Spending some quiet time- just you and your very best friend. 7 00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:05,610 Of course, that wasn't my experience. 8 00:01:05,679 --> 00:01:08,204 - That kid's not even me. - [Dog Barks] 9 00:01:12,386 --> 00:01:16,007 That's me, and that crazy hound I'm chasing is Marley... 10 00:01:16,089 --> 00:01:19,352 - the world's worst dog- - Sorry! 11 00:01:19,426 --> 00:01:21,360 - Or so I thought. - Marley! 12 00:01:21,428 --> 00:01:23,794 But our story begins before Marley was born- 13 00:01:23,864 --> 00:01:26,765 Four years before, on my wedding day- 14 00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:29,961 which also happened to be the day of the worst freak spring blizzard... 15 00:01:30,036 --> 00:01:31,970 in the history of southern Michigan. 16 00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:35,303 Same day our car broke down. We didn't care. 17 00:01:35,375 --> 00:01:37,741 [Whispering] Ooh. God, that feels so good. 18 00:01:39,346 --> 00:01:41,439 Ohh! [Exhales] 19 00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:43,449 Wow. So, what do you think- 20 00:01:43,517 --> 00:01:45,951 What do you think that means- a blizzard on your wedding day? 21 00:01:46,019 --> 00:01:48,214 Is that good luck? Is that bad luck? 22 00:01:48,288 --> 00:01:50,688 I think- I think it's good luck. 23 00:01:52,993 --> 00:01:55,655 - How did I get you? - What? 24 00:01:55,729 --> 00:01:59,324 No, honestly. How did I- How did I get that lucky? 25 00:01:59,399 --> 00:02:01,993 Well, you know... 26 00:02:02,068 --> 00:02:04,195 I get asked that question all the time. 27 00:02:04,271 --> 00:02:07,138 - [Chuckles] - Come on. 28 00:02:07,207 --> 00:02:09,835 Are you kidding, honey? 29 00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:11,844 You're part of the plan. 30 00:02:11,912 --> 00:02:15,541 - The plan? - Mm-hmm. My plan. Step one- 31 00:02:15,615 --> 00:02:20,985 Meet an incredibly sweet, smart, sexy man. 32 00:02:21,054 --> 00:02:23,488 Done. Step two? 33 00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:25,991 - Marry you instead. - [Groans] 34 00:02:26,059 --> 00:02:29,119 Oh, now-And step three- 35 00:02:29,196 --> 00:02:32,029 - No, I don't think I can take any more steps. - You don't wanna hear step three? 36 00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:34,032 - Yeah. What's step three? - It's easy. 37 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:37,069 - Be gentle. - Move someplace warmer. 38 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:39,002 [Whispering] I knew you were gonna say that. 39 00:03:02,829 --> 00:03:06,731 Shiny, happy people laughing 40 00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:14,535 Meet me in the crowd 41 00:03:14,608 --> 00:03:18,442 People, people 42 00:03:18,512 --> 00:03:21,709 Throw your love around 43 00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:26,115 Love me, love me 44 00:03:26,186 --> 00:03:29,747 Take it into town 45 00:03:29,823 --> 00:03:33,657 Happy, happy 46 00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:36,753 Put it in the ground 47 00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:41,665 Where the flowers grow 48 00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:48,940 Gold and silver shine 49 00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:56,679 Shiny, happy people holding hands 50 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,878 Shiny, happy people 51 00:03:59,953 --> 00:04:02,786 - Thank you. - All right, you know you got this, right? 52 00:04:02,856 --> 00:04:06,451 - Oh, yeah. I got it. - Who are you? 53 00:04:06,526 --> 00:04:09,393 - I'm John Grogan? - No, you're John friggin' Grogan... 54 00:04:09,462 --> 00:04:11,430 who's about to get a job as a reporter... 55 00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:14,956 for a major metropolitan newspaper. 56 00:04:15,035 --> 00:04:18,027 - Mmm. Mmm. - Good. Good. But now I don't feel like getting out of the car. 57 00:04:18,104 --> 00:04:20,299 - You have to. No, baby. - Maybe we'll just drive around the block. 58 00:04:20,373 --> 00:04:22,739 Come on, get out of the car. Get out. 59 00:04:24,744 --> 00:04:27,975 - Now, who am I again? - Oh, please. 60 00:04:28,048 --> 00:04:31,176 [Man] Sebastian says you won some kind of award. 61 00:04:31,251 --> 00:04:34,186 Mitchie. I have a Mitchie. 62 00:04:34,254 --> 00:04:37,155 It's like a Pulitzer, but from western Michigan. 63 00:04:37,223 --> 00:04:39,885 A Mitchie. 64 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,485 So, tell me-What made you leave the estimable... 65 00:04:42,562 --> 00:04:45,122 Kalamazoo Gazette? 66 00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:48,531 Well, as you know, Sebastian and I were in college together... 67 00:04:48,602 --> 00:04:51,469 And he w- He was- 68 00:04:51,538 --> 00:04:54,006 He was always saying how great south Florida is... 69 00:04:54,074 --> 00:04:58,511 and that maybe my wife and I might enjoy it here, so we decided to come down here. 70 00:04:58,578 --> 00:05:01,206 - Are you a comedian too? - Excuse me? 71 00:05:01,281 --> 00:05:03,715 Like your friend over here. 72 00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:07,048 - No. - He's walking a very thin line. 73 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,281 It's a good thing he knows how to write. 74 00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:11,950 So your wife is Jenny Havens? 75 00:05:12,025 --> 00:05:15,791 Yes. Jenny Grogan- 'Cause we're married. She took my name. 76 00:05:15,862 --> 00:05:18,956 - She get the job at the Post? - Yes, she did. 77 00:05:19,032 --> 00:05:22,001 - Why didn't they want you over there? - Well, I didn't apply. 78 00:05:22,068 --> 00:05:24,002 Jenny's more of a feature writer... 79 00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:26,004 and I'm more of a straight news writer. 80 00:05:26,072 --> 00:05:28,563 - I thought this would be a better fit for that. - You think you're better... 81 00:05:28,642 --> 00:05:32,544 than the six journalism school graduates that came here looking for work this morning? 82 00:05:32,612 --> 00:05:34,546 I don't know if I'm better. I- 83 00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:37,674 What I do know is that I have a tendency to surprise myself. 84 00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:41,278 Ten years ago I was doing bong hits and playing Donkey Kong. 85 00:05:41,354 --> 00:05:44,016 I never dreamed I'd get into college, but I did... 86 00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:46,888 and I graduated with honors. 87 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,690 And I never thought I'd get a job at a real newspaper, but I did. 88 00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:51,731 And I certainly never thought I'd get a girl... 89 00:05:51,798 --> 00:05:54,323 like Jenny Havens to marry me, but I did. 90 00:05:58,138 --> 00:06:01,437 - So? - They've already got a guy on the metro desk. 91 00:06:01,508 --> 00:06:03,442 - [Groans] - Yeah. 92 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:05,944 - I'm sorry, honey. - Mmm. So they're putting me on a little thing... 93 00:06:06,012 --> 00:06:08,742 they like to call Desert Storm. 94 00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:10,908 - You got the job? - I got the job. 95 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,282 You got the job, baby! Ooh! 96 00:06:13,353 --> 00:06:15,184 John Grogan, I knew it! 97 00:06:15,255 --> 00:06:17,689 I just knew it! Okay, Look. 98 00:06:17,757 --> 00:06:19,918 Watch this. Look. See what happens? 99 00:06:19,993 --> 00:06:21,927 "Job. Done." 100 00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:24,463 - Okay, so what's next? Lunch? - House. 101 00:06:24,531 --> 00:06:25,964 - House. - House. 102 00:06:45,719 --> 00:06:48,483 [Man On TV]... planes that can transmit remote television pictures... 103 00:06:48,555 --> 00:06:51,023 of Iraqi ships and other targets. 104 00:06:51,091 --> 00:06:54,583 Did- Did you get to the quote about the speed bumps yet? 105 00:06:54,661 --> 00:06:58,028 - "'If they save even one life"'- - "'... it would be worth it.' 106 00:06:58,098 --> 00:07:01,431 And with that, Jan Dickerson's eyes filled with tears." 107 00:07:01,501 --> 00:07:03,435 - Filled with tears. [Chuckles] - You like that? 108 00:07:03,503 --> 00:07:05,437 - Or is it too corny? - Yeah. No. 109 00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:08,565 Is it a little over the top? 110 00:07:08,641 --> 00:07:11,439 Hey, honey, what happened to the, uh- the Desert Storm piece? 111 00:07:11,511 --> 00:07:15,277 - That's it. The injured girl's dad's in Kuwait. - Oh. 112 00:07:15,348 --> 00:07:17,282 - Is that not in there? - Uh- 113 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:19,978 Uh-uh. I think they cut that. 114 00:07:20,053 --> 00:07:22,487 They-They spelled your name wrong. 115 00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:26,150 - "John Gorgon." - You're kidding. Let me see that. 116 00:07:26,226 --> 00:07:27,488 - Forget it. - Are you joking? 117 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,585 Forget it. You know what? It's good. It's really good. 118 00:07:29,662 --> 00:07:31,823 It's got the facts. It's got color. 119 00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:33,991 - It's a really solid piece. - Thanks. 120 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:37,730 Well, I mean, I tried to breathe some life into it, you know- 121 00:07:37,804 --> 00:07:41,672 - Yes. - I like this article. I'm almost done with yours. 122 00:07:41,741 --> 00:07:44,608 This idea of voting machines sounds really efficient. 123 00:07:44,677 --> 00:07:46,702 Well, when you get to the next page, you'll see... 124 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:50,682 - that I talk about what could happen. - Hey, it- Oh, okay. I see. 125 00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:53,514 - It continues. - Yeah. 126 00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:57,456 But actually, the rest of it... 127 00:07:57,524 --> 00:07:59,458 is really just okay. 128 00:07:59,526 --> 00:08:01,756 - It's actually kind of boring. - No, no. I- It's- 129 00:08:01,828 --> 00:08:03,819 - I'm enjoying this. - Mmm. 130 00:08:05,098 --> 00:08:08,829 Wow. They really gave you a lot of space. 131 00:08:11,738 --> 00:08:14,730 Oh, damn. Killed another one. 132 00:08:14,808 --> 00:08:19,040 How am I ever supposed to take care of a kid if I can't even keep a plant alive? 133 00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:21,706 - [Elevator Bell Dings] - Well, what'd you expect, man? 134 00:08:21,781 --> 00:08:24,443 You bought a house- A house with a spare room. 135 00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:26,451 What's the matter with a spare room? 136 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:29,545 It's empty, John, that's what's wrong with it. You know what else is empty? 137 00:08:29,622 --> 00:08:31,556 [Together] Her womb. 138 00:08:31,624 --> 00:08:33,854 - I'm just worried that Jenny's at, like, step seven. - What? 139 00:08:33,927 --> 00:08:36,725 She's got her whole life organized and planned out... 140 00:08:36,796 --> 00:08:38,821 - according to these steps. - Okay, that's scary. 141 00:08:38,898 --> 00:08:42,766 [Mutters] Unbelievable. You want my advice? Get her, like, a bird. 142 00:08:42,836 --> 00:08:44,770 - [Groans] - Or a puppy or something. 143 00:08:44,838 --> 00:08:48,069 - A parakeet or something? - Something other than you that she has to take care of. 144 00:08:48,141 --> 00:08:50,871 You got a kid, you're a dad. You're not you anymore. 145 00:08:50,944 --> 00:08:53,936 - You got a dog, you're a- - [Together] Master. 146 00:08:54,013 --> 00:08:55,947 - You're still a guy. - Still got a life. 147 00:08:56,015 --> 00:08:58,142 - Exactly. - And a dog. 148 00:08:58,218 --> 00:09:00,709 Yeah, but you've stopped her clock for a few years. 149 00:09:00,787 --> 00:09:03,449 - I've never had a dog. - There's nothin' to it. You feed 'em. 150 00:09:03,523 --> 00:09:05,548 You walk 'em. You let 'em out every now and again. 151 00:09:05,625 --> 00:09:09,083 But it doesn't really matter. You're not the one that's gonna take care of it, Jenny is. 152 00:09:09,162 --> 00:09:10,891 - [Editor] Sebastian! - Yo. 153 00:09:10,964 --> 00:09:13,023 Your travel's been approved. Hit the road. 154 00:09:13,099 --> 00:09:15,727 - Where you goin'? - I'm going to Colombia. 155 00:09:15,802 --> 00:09:20,171 I got a guy down there says he can put me next to Pablo Escobar. 156 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,174 I'm doin' a piece- 157 00:09:22,242 --> 00:09:25,803 I follow a single coca leaf from the jungle to the streets of Miami. 158 00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:28,746 That sounds like a good idea. You gotta be careful down there- 159 00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:31,784 - Gorman! - G-Grogan. 160 00:09:31,851 --> 00:09:34,615 Groden. There's a fire in the county dump- 161 00:09:34,687 --> 00:09:36,985 - Methane leak. - Methane? 162 00:09:37,056 --> 00:09:39,149 Yeah. I want two paragraphs for the Blotter. 163 00:09:41,794 --> 00:09:45,560 [Whispering] Methane. Woodward and Bernstein, eat your heart out. 164 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,760 What kind of dog? 165 00:09:49,836 --> 00:09:52,498 - You remember Caroline? - The nurse? 166 00:09:52,572 --> 00:09:54,699 She was a nursery school teacher. I don't know. 167 00:09:54,774 --> 00:09:58,266 Anyway, she had this great dog- Daisy. 168 00:09:58,344 --> 00:10:00,335 It was a Labradoodle. 169 00:10:00,413 --> 00:10:03,780 Labradoodle? You mean a Labrador. 170 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:05,977 All right. Get her a Labrador. 171 00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:08,680 Supposed to be just like kids, only easier to train. 172 00:10:09,889 --> 00:10:12,915 Labradoodle? Come on. 173 00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:15,150 [Barking] 174 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,434 This does not smell like an I HOP. 175 00:10:22,502 --> 00:10:24,970 I know. We got a little surprise first. 176 00:10:25,038 --> 00:10:29,236 - Here we go. Now, I want you to walk right here, my dear. - Okay. 177 00:10:29,309 --> 00:10:31,539 - Come on. - [Chuckling] Oh, God. 178 00:10:31,611 --> 00:10:33,545 - [Muttering] - Okay. 179 00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:35,604 - You Grogan? - Yes. 180 00:10:35,682 --> 00:10:37,946 - Expected you an hour ago. - You're gonna like this. 181 00:10:38,017 --> 00:10:40,212 Okay, step up. Sorry. 182 00:10:40,286 --> 00:10:42,220 - Sorry about the mess- - [Indistinct] 183 00:10:42,288 --> 00:10:46,054 - And the noise and the smell. - [Laughs] What's happening? 184 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:48,525 Come on. 185 00:10:48,594 --> 00:10:50,528 - Can I look? - No, no. Just-Almost. Almost. 186 00:10:50,596 --> 00:10:52,587 - Okay. Okay. Ready? - Really? 187 00:10:52,665 --> 00:10:56,499 One, two, three. Go. Happy birthday. 188 00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:58,560 [Jenny] What? 189 00:10:58,638 --> 00:11:00,572 God, they're adorable. 190 00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:04,573 Oh, my- My birthday's not for a month. 191 00:11:04,644 --> 00:11:07,204 [Woman] That's okay. They can't leave for three weeks anyway. 192 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,214 [Yipping] 193 00:11:09,282 --> 00:11:13,048 - We didn't discuss this. - I know, but it's a surprise. You can't. 194 00:11:13,119 --> 00:11:15,952 - [Jenny] Hi, guys. - Just adopted the mom last month. 195 00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:19,355 Family that gave her up didn't even know she was pregnant. 196 00:11:19,425 --> 00:11:22,826 - Are you sure we're ready for this? - Well, like I told you... 197 00:11:22,895 --> 00:11:25,420 you gotta wait three weeks for them to be weaned before you can bring 'em home. 198 00:11:25,498 --> 00:11:27,227 - I'm not even gonna be here. - Why? 199 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:30,098 - I'll be in Gainesville, covering that trial. - Oh, that's right. 200 00:11:30,169 --> 00:11:32,137 That's okay. It'll give me a chance to bond with him... 201 00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:33,934 - and get a head start on training 'em- - That's true. 202 00:11:34,007 --> 00:11:37,340 - Get 'em squared away before you get home. - That's true. 203 00:11:37,410 --> 00:11:39,776 - Well, how are we gonna pick one? - Girls are 300. 204 00:11:39,846 --> 00:11:42,747 Boys are 275. 205 00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:47,013 Except for that little guy there. Him you could have for 200 even. 206 00:11:47,086 --> 00:11:51,284 This one? You're so sweet. You're like a little clearance puppy. 207 00:11:51,357 --> 00:11:53,757 - Hello, puppy. - This one likes you. 208 00:11:53,826 --> 00:11:56,192 Clearance Puppy likes you. 209 00:11:56,262 --> 00:11:59,425 - Well, that's your guy. - Aw. 210 00:11:59,499 --> 00:12:01,433 I was gonna pick you anyway. 211 00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:03,765 Don't tell anybody. Don't tell the others. 212 00:12:07,073 --> 00:12:11,339 - [Brakes Squeal] - We gotta double-time it just a little here, honey. 213 00:12:11,411 --> 00:12:13,641 - Really wish I didn't have to go. - Are you kidding me? 214 00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:15,977 It's gonna be great. You spent eight months on this trial. 215 00:12:16,049 --> 00:12:17,983 - Honestly, I'm jealous. - Really? 216 00:12:18,051 --> 00:12:19,985 Tax evasion? That's what makes you jealous? 217 00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:22,112 Well, it's sexier than speed bumps. 218 00:12:22,188 --> 00:12:24,622 - Okay, you call me the minute you get him home. - Okay. Okay. 219 00:12:24,690 --> 00:12:28,217 - We also have to come up with a name for him. - Yes. Let's brainstorm it. 220 00:12:28,294 --> 00:12:30,819 I'll just call him Clearance Puppy till you get back. 221 00:12:30,897 --> 00:12:33,695 - Are you gonna be okay? - You're worried about me with a puppy? 222 00:12:33,766 --> 00:12:34,994 - I am. - Me, John friggin' Grogan? 223 00:12:35,068 --> 00:12:37,400 - I know. - Good-bye. I love you. You look pretty. 224 00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:39,131 - Thank you. I love you. Bye. - Okay. Bye. 225 00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:47,209 How ya doin' there, buddy? 226 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,840 Kind of a big day for you. 227 00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:53,613 Let's listen to the radio. 228 00:12:53,686 --> 00:12:56,120 Awkward silences. 229 00:12:56,189 --> 00:13:00,023 - One love - You like that? You like Bob Marley? 230 00:13:00,093 --> 00:13:04,154 - Let's get together and - Bob. That be a good name? 231 00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:08,166 - Feel all right - Bob. Bob. Come here, Bob. Or Robert? 232 00:13:08,234 --> 00:13:10,498 When you got older. More dignified. 233 00:13:10,570 --> 00:13:12,697 - The children cryin' - Marley? 234 00:13:12,772 --> 00:13:14,763 - Sayin' give thanks and praise - You like that. 235 00:13:14,841 --> 00:13:16,536 That has a nice ring to it. 236 00:13:16,609 --> 00:13:18,804 - Feel all right - Okay. Whoa. 237 00:13:18,878 --> 00:13:21,142 It's better if you ride shotgun. 238 00:13:21,214 --> 00:13:24,308 - Because we don't wanna have a car crash- - And feel all right 239 00:13:24,383 --> 00:13:26,715 our first real day together. 240 00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:29,220 Let them all pass all their 241 00:13:29,288 --> 00:13:31,222 Dirty remarks 242 00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:34,282 - Okay, come here. Come here. - There is one question 243 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,158 It's a big day. You can ride over here. 244 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:39,664 Maybe it's okay today. Just this one time. 245 00:13:39,732 --> 00:13:42,530 [Police Radio Chatter] 246 00:13:42,602 --> 00:13:44,900 We get pulled over, we explain- 247 00:13:44,971 --> 00:13:47,872 We explain what the circumstances are. 248 00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:50,170 To save his own beliefs 249 00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,244 - One love- - [Radio Off] 250 00:13:53,312 --> 00:13:55,542 [Indistinct Conversations] 251 00:13:55,615 --> 00:13:58,482 - What happened? - The Millers got robbed. 252 00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:01,918 Again? Good thing I got a watchdog. 253 00:14:01,988 --> 00:14:04,149 Hey, buddy. He's got some teeth. 254 00:14:04,223 --> 00:14:06,157 Oh, yeah. 255 00:14:06,225 --> 00:14:08,159 I'll get him some water. 256 00:14:08,227 --> 00:14:10,388 You're not gonna keep him in the backyard, are you? 257 00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:13,364 I'm gonna keep him in the garage till I get him house trained. 258 00:14:13,432 --> 00:14:17,232 - Hmm. - No, Marley, Marley, Marley. No, no. 259 00:14:18,571 --> 00:14:20,436 No, no, no, no. 260 00:14:20,506 --> 00:14:23,498 You've had enough food, Marley. You've had two bowls of kibble. 261 00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:27,307 You had half a seat belt in the car. 262 00:14:28,881 --> 00:14:33,341 Huh. H-How are you still eating? 263 00:14:36,489 --> 00:14:39,458 I don't understand where you can put it. 264 00:14:39,525 --> 00:14:44,019 Here's the little box where Marley's gonna bunk down. 265 00:14:44,096 --> 00:14:46,030 Pretty cozy. 266 00:14:46,098 --> 00:14:49,465 - All right. Good night. - [Whines] 267 00:14:51,671 --> 00:14:53,764 You're gonna be okay. 268 00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:55,807 I'm just right inside. 269 00:14:56,809 --> 00:14:58,743 Sleep tight. 270 00:14:58,811 --> 00:15:01,371 [Door Shuts] 271 00:15:01,447 --> 00:15:03,813 [Marley Squealing] 272 00:15:10,056 --> 00:15:12,524 [Squealing Continues] 273 00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:16,124 [Barking, Howling] 274 00:15:24,203 --> 00:15:26,603 [Barking, Howling Continue] 275 00:15:26,672 --> 00:15:29,106 All right. 276 00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:32,810 Come on, Marley. 277 00:15:32,878 --> 00:15:35,210 You're killin' me, you know that? 278 00:15:37,149 --> 00:15:39,743 [Lapping] 279 00:15:45,057 --> 00:15:47,025 [Exhales, Groans] 280 00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:54,956 Oh, we got some cleanin' up to do before the missus gets back. 281 00:15:56,669 --> 00:15:57,465 All right. 282 00:15:57,536 --> 00:15:59,561 I'm off to the airport... 283 00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:03,200 and you're gonna ride out the rain right in your little box. 284 00:16:03,276 --> 00:16:05,767 [Thunderclap] 285 00:16:05,845 --> 00:16:09,372 It's just a little thunder. Back in a flash. 286 00:16:12,285 --> 00:16:16,517 - [Whining] - [Thunder Rumbling] 287 00:16:18,824 --> 00:16:21,224 [Barking, Squealing] 288 00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:28,700 [Clattering] 289 00:16:35,675 --> 00:16:38,235 - [Grunting] Get in. Here. - Oh, my God! 290 00:16:38,311 --> 00:16:41,542 - Oh! - Aaah. 291 00:16:41,614 --> 00:16:43,673 - Hi. - How are you? 292 00:16:43,749 --> 00:16:45,683 - How's my puppy? - I'm okay. 293 00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:48,845 A little tired, but trying to stay dry. 294 00:16:48,921 --> 00:16:51,754 - [Chuckles] No, really. How is he? - Waiting for you. 295 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:04,997 [Marley Yapping, Squealing] 296 00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:09,007 Do you hear that? Is that- I think that's Marley. 297 00:17:16,682 --> 00:17:18,547 Oh, my God. [Gasps] 298 00:17:18,617 --> 00:17:20,517 Oh, my God. Look at this! 299 00:17:20,586 --> 00:17:23,180 - [Gasps] - This is not how I left it. 300 00:17:23,255 --> 00:17:25,348 - How long did you leave him? - I left him for maybe an hour. 301 00:17:25,424 --> 00:17:27,517 Tops. Did he eat the drywall? 302 00:17:29,028 --> 00:17:31,121 - Oh, that's not right. - Wow. 303 00:17:31,197 --> 00:17:33,358 That's one little dog did that. 304 00:17:33,432 --> 00:17:36,094 Oh, honey, you're shaking. 305 00:17:36,168 --> 00:17:39,535 - Does thunder scare you, mister? - [Whines] 306 00:17:39,605 --> 00:17:42,369 Oh, ho. Sweet boy. 307 00:17:42,441 --> 00:17:44,773 Oh, look at us. 308 00:17:46,946 --> 00:17:50,438 So I'm in this cave and- and I can feel the machine guns. 309 00:17:50,516 --> 00:17:52,416 There's, like, nine of them around me. 310 00:17:52,485 --> 00:17:55,079 - What, like AK-47 s? - Kalashnikov. 311 00:17:55,154 --> 00:17:57,384 - And then Escobar comes in and says- - Escobar? 312 00:17:57,456 --> 00:18:02,052 El Padrino-Yeah. He says, "I read your piece on Gadhafi... 313 00:18:02,128 --> 00:18:05,325 and I think you captured his narcissism perfectly." 314 00:18:06,399 --> 00:18:09,061 - Can you believe that? - Some of it. 315 00:18:09,135 --> 00:18:11,000 Man, I wish you could have been there. 316 00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:14,767 But then who's gonna cover the power struggle down at the Rotary Club in Delray? 317 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,240 Oh, it's been just crazy. 318 00:18:17,309 --> 00:18:21,006 - Your time will come, amigo. - I'll drink to that. 319 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,981 - That was crazy. Oh, my God. - [Gasps] 320 00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:26,643 - Oh, my God! - That is the cutest thing I've ever seen. 321 00:18:26,719 --> 00:18:28,744 - Hey. - [John] Say hello, Marley. 322 00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:30,311 - Hey, little Marley. - Can I hold him? 323 00:18:30,389 --> 00:18:31,822 Of course. Here you go. 324 00:18:31,891 --> 00:18:33,984 - He's so cute. - Oh, I love their puppy breath. 325 00:18:34,059 --> 00:18:38,189 - [Clears Throat] - Oh. Have you guys met my buddy Sebastian? 326 00:18:38,264 --> 00:18:40,425 Sebastian. Viviana. Nice to meet you. 327 00:18:40,499 --> 00:18:42,990 - Hi. I'm Shannon. - Hey, he's a beauty, isn't he? 328 00:18:43,068 --> 00:18:47,164 - He's adorable. - I think the "puppy instead of a baby" idea is working. 329 00:18:47,239 --> 00:18:50,436 - Yeah, it's certainly working for me. - Can I take him home with me? 330 00:18:50,509 --> 00:18:52,340 You're so cute. Yes, you are. 331 00:18:52,411 --> 00:18:56,006 I can't let you have the puppy, but you might have a shot with the big dog. 332 00:18:56,081 --> 00:18:58,049 - I'm easy. - Oh, you're easy. 333 00:18:58,117 --> 00:19:00,017 And I do tricks. I'm paper trained. 334 00:19:00,085 --> 00:19:02,349 - [Cooing] - [Yapping] 335 00:19:04,256 --> 00:19:06,281 Marley! Marley! 336 00:19:06,358 --> 00:19:09,327 - [Woman] Come back, puppy. - Marley! Marley! 337 00:19:16,569 --> 00:19:18,537 Marley! 338 00:19:18,604 --> 00:19:21,129 Marley. Marley! 339 00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:30,373 - Marley! - [Women] Puppy! 340 00:19:37,756 --> 00:19:39,986 - Got him. Thanks. - You have got to be more careful, man. 341 00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:43,927 It's our first week together, so we're still working out the kinks. 342 00:19:43,996 --> 00:19:47,090 You really shouldn't bring a dog down to the dog beach until he's trained. 343 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:48,929 Okay, can I get the dog back? 344 00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:51,731 Never let him off leash unless you have complete confidence. 345 00:19:51,804 --> 00:19:53,635 - Okay. - This is the only beach in two counties... 346 00:19:53,706 --> 00:19:55,537 - where dogs aren't banned. - All right. 347 00:19:55,608 --> 00:19:58,668 Cops see anybody peeing or pooping down by the water, they'll shut us down. 348 00:19:58,744 --> 00:20:02,111 - [Chuckling] - Why is that funny to you? 349 00:20:03,182 --> 00:20:05,446 I'm just very immature. 350 00:20:05,518 --> 00:20:07,611 Calvin! 351 00:20:09,922 --> 00:20:12,015 See? Aren't you glad you're not Calvin? 352 00:20:12,091 --> 00:20:14,457 See how easy you got it? 353 00:20:17,663 --> 00:20:19,631 [Jenny] Marley, stop! 354 00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:22,132 Marley. Marley. 355 00:20:22,201 --> 00:20:24,726 Honey, the dog's got my- 356 00:20:24,803 --> 00:20:27,533 [John] Marley, no. 357 00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:29,597 Marley, you can't go through a screen door. 358 00:20:33,345 --> 00:20:36,178 We're rockin' the suburbs 359 00:20:36,248 --> 00:20:39,081 Around the block just one more time 360 00:20:39,151 --> 00:20:41,483 We're rockin' the suburbs 361 00:20:41,554 --> 00:20:44,318 - We part the shades and face some facts - Happy Thanksgiving. 362 00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:45,721 - You too. - They got better looking fescue 363 00:20:45,791 --> 00:20:48,385 - [Barks] - Marley! [Groans] 364 00:20:49,628 --> 00:20:52,119 It just seems like that there's other guys. 365 00:20:52,197 --> 00:20:55,564 - Like, I don't understand why you thought of me. - I'm in a bind. 366 00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:57,465 Yeah, but I'm a reporter. I'm not a columnist. 367 00:20:57,536 --> 00:20:59,766 John, you get better pay... 368 00:20:59,838 --> 00:21:02,898 you can pick your own hours and choose your own topics. 369 00:21:02,975 --> 00:21:05,739 - Why are you hesitating? - No, I'm thinking. 370 00:21:05,811 --> 00:21:09,338 No, you're hesitating. I'm offering you a promotion, and you're hesitating. 371 00:21:09,415 --> 00:21:10,973 I never saw myself as a columnist. 372 00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:14,349 Well, think of it as one of those times when you surprise yourself. 373 00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:17,821 - Okay. - John, it's only a couple of times a week... 374 00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:19,824 till I get a replacement for Jerry. 375 00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:22,588 Then you can go back to doing whatever the hell it was you were doing. 376 00:21:22,661 --> 00:21:26,495 - What were you doing? - Obituaries, methane leaks. 377 00:21:26,565 --> 00:21:28,226 - Are you okay with this? - Yes. 378 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,097 - You don't seem very thrilled. - No, it's a promotion. 379 00:21:30,169 --> 00:21:34,629 - We could take away the raise in pay if you like. - No, no. I'm-Thank you. 380 00:21:34,707 --> 00:21:37,107 All right. Now you're talking. Go on. Get to work. 381 00:21:37,176 --> 00:21:40,668 Oh! Marley. I think he dislocated my shoulder. 382 00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:43,306 God. He doesn't even heel. 383 00:21:43,382 --> 00:21:46,283 He doesn't walk. He just sprints. 384 00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:48,820 Marley- God. [Exhales] 385 00:21:48,887 --> 00:21:51,117 Marley, stop. 386 00:21:52,691 --> 00:21:54,852 I had to pull him off three dogs today. 387 00:21:54,927 --> 00:21:57,418 - Poodles? - Among others. 388 00:21:57,496 --> 00:21:59,487 I say we give him away to a farm. 389 00:21:59,565 --> 00:22:03,092 Isn't that usually what you do with dogs that are out of control? 390 00:22:03,168 --> 00:22:06,604 Well, usually you- Usually you train them. 391 00:22:06,672 --> 00:22:09,266 Or you train 'em. Come on. Down. Go on. 392 00:22:09,341 --> 00:22:12,037 What are you doing? 393 00:22:12,111 --> 00:22:14,545 Arnie gave me a column. 394 00:22:14,613 --> 00:22:17,548 Are you kidding? Baby, that's great. 395 00:22:17,616 --> 00:22:19,550 Oh, yeah. It's a big honor. 396 00:22:19,618 --> 00:22:21,552 I get to write about zoning laws... 397 00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:23,588 and give my opinion on yard sales. 398 00:22:23,656 --> 00:22:26,591 Whoa. Down, boy. Easy with the enthusiasm. 399 00:22:26,659 --> 00:22:30,390 Well, no, it's just, I don't even read this crap when other people write it. 400 00:22:30,462 --> 00:22:34,899 Now I'm supposed to, you know, write two columns a week? 401 00:22:34,967 --> 00:22:37,231 And you got nothin' for Tuesday. 402 00:22:37,302 --> 00:22:39,736 No. I got nothin' for Tuesday. 403 00:22:39,805 --> 00:22:41,966 I bet you're gonna think of something. 404 00:22:43,776 --> 00:22:47,234 Now, see, this gives me a little inspiration, but it's not for a column. 405 00:22:47,312 --> 00:22:48,370 It's more like- 406 00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:51,014 Look at Marley. Now he's eating the floor. 407 00:22:51,083 --> 00:22:53,984 Marley, stop. 408 00:22:54,053 --> 00:22:56,044 Marley, you're incorrigible. 409 00:22:56,121 --> 00:22:58,817 Incorrigible? I don't believe in that word. 410 00:22:58,891 --> 00:23:00,859 Every dog wants to learn. 411 00:23:00,926 --> 00:23:03,087 Hey, come here, baby. 412 00:23:03,162 --> 00:23:05,756 Yes, you're a good girl. You're a good girl. 413 00:23:05,831 --> 00:23:07,765 Yes, you are. 414 00:23:07,833 --> 00:23:10,427 'Course, they can't learn if their parents are weak-willed. 415 00:23:10,502 --> 00:23:13,027 Yeah. Well, I'm pretty strong-willed, but- 416 00:23:13,105 --> 00:23:16,541 - Marley- - Say hello to Marley. 417 00:23:16,608 --> 00:23:18,974 So which of you is gonna be the trainer? 418 00:23:19,044 --> 00:23:22,411 Well, we both thought we would, 'cause we'd like him to listen to both of us at home. 419 00:23:22,481 --> 00:23:25,041 - We're married too. Yeah. - No, no, no, no. 420 00:23:25,117 --> 00:23:27,051 A dog can only have one master. 421 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,816 Which one of you has the most natural authority in your own relationship? 422 00:23:32,357 --> 00:23:34,587 Well, maybe I'll stand over there for the beginning. 423 00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:36,753 I thought so. Shall we? 424 00:23:38,731 --> 00:23:42,167 - Geez! - All right, sit. 425 00:23:42,234 --> 00:23:44,600 Sit. Sit. [Grunts] 426 00:23:44,670 --> 00:23:46,661 - [Whistling] - Sit. Marley. 427 00:23:46,739 --> 00:23:49,105 Okay. Marley- Marley, sit. 428 00:23:49,174 --> 00:23:53,110 This, class, is a classic example of a dog... 429 00:23:53,178 --> 00:23:56,147 who has foolishly been allowed to believe... 430 00:23:56,215 --> 00:23:59,810 he is the alpha male of the pack... 431 00:23:59,885 --> 00:24:02,911 and therefore, he can never be a happy animal. 432 00:24:02,988 --> 00:24:05,422 Yeah. He looks pretty miserable. 433 00:24:05,491 --> 00:24:09,484 You, joker, rotate in. 434 00:24:09,561 --> 00:24:11,825 And lose the sunglasses. 435 00:24:11,897 --> 00:24:13,922 Dog likes to be looked at in the eye. 436 00:24:13,999 --> 00:24:16,559 - Jawohl. - I got it. 437 00:24:16,635 --> 00:24:17,863 - Okay. - Okay. You got him? 438 00:24:17,936 --> 00:24:18,868 - Yeah. - Okay. 439 00:24:18,937 --> 00:24:21,201 So. Collar your dogs. 440 00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:25,139 [Woman] Good boy. 441 00:24:26,411 --> 00:24:28,845 All right, dogs on the left. 442 00:24:28,914 --> 00:24:31,212 On the count of three. 443 00:24:31,283 --> 00:24:34,309 One, two, three. Let's go. 444 00:24:36,188 --> 00:24:38,952 - Very nice. Very good. - [Mouthing Words] 445 00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:42,852 - Good. - [Barking] 446 00:24:42,928 --> 00:24:44,862 - Hey! - Correct him! 447 00:24:44,930 --> 00:24:46,955 - Whoa! - Rein in that dog. 448 00:24:47,032 --> 00:24:49,125 All right. All right, class. 449 00:24:49,201 --> 00:24:51,135 Come on. Let's line up again. 450 00:24:51,203 --> 00:24:54,639 Class, it's a simple question of having confidence... 451 00:24:54,706 --> 00:24:56,833 in your own authority. 452 00:24:56,909 --> 00:24:59,878 I shall now demonstrate a simple walk. 453 00:24:59,945 --> 00:25:02,038 - All right? - [Barks] 454 00:25:02,114 --> 00:25:04,048 Mr. Grogan? 455 00:25:04,116 --> 00:25:06,141 - Sorry. - May I? 456 00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:08,652 All right, even an unruly dog... 457 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,245 likes to obey his leader. 458 00:25:11,323 --> 00:25:14,724 Marley, heel. 459 00:25:17,296 --> 00:25:18,763 - Yeah. - [Barks] 460 00:25:18,831 --> 00:25:21,061 Marley. Marley! 461 00:25:21,133 --> 00:25:24,933 - [Marley Barking] - Marley! Marley! 462 00:25:26,471 --> 00:25:29,065 Marley. [Blows Whistle] 463 00:25:34,446 --> 00:25:36,744 Careful. Marley, no! 464 00:25:36,815 --> 00:25:38,840 - Marley! - [Groans] 465 00:25:40,853 --> 00:25:43,720 [Groaning] 466 00:25:43,789 --> 00:25:46,883 Aaah! That's it. He is out. 467 00:25:46,959 --> 00:25:49,018 Sorry. Usually he does this with poodles. 468 00:25:49,094 --> 00:25:52,086 That dog is a bad influence on the others. 469 00:25:53,165 --> 00:25:55,793 Now, leg humping is like a virus. 470 00:25:55,868 --> 00:25:58,860 Once it takes hold of the group- No. 471 00:25:58,937 --> 00:26:01,405 - [John] Okay. - He has got to go. 472 00:26:01,473 --> 00:26:04,601 It was maybe your hair. 473 00:26:04,676 --> 00:26:08,009 - Reminded him of a poodle. - Never bring him back. 474 00:26:09,514 --> 00:26:12,210 Right from the beginning she had me in her sights. 475 00:26:12,284 --> 00:26:14,980 - I know. She really did. - Marley wouldn't take any of her crap. 476 00:26:15,053 --> 00:26:17,180 That's why he got kicked out. 477 00:26:17,256 --> 00:26:20,419 You are now the world's worst dog. 478 00:26:20,492 --> 00:26:22,653 You've been kicked out of obedience school. 479 00:26:22,728 --> 00:26:25,663 You know, there is something else that we could do. 480 00:26:25,731 --> 00:26:28,393 No, I know. We just-We get a- 481 00:26:30,469 --> 00:26:35,497 No. No, no, no, no, no. I'm smiling, but I'm serious. No. 482 00:26:37,075 --> 00:26:39,509 [John] It's not gonna be so bad, buddy. 483 00:26:39,578 --> 00:26:42,069 You'll see. Sex is overrated. 484 00:26:43,348 --> 00:26:47,341 Aw, I can't tell you that, 'cause you know it's a lie. 485 00:26:47,419 --> 00:26:49,649 Poor son of a bitch. 486 00:26:49,721 --> 00:26:53,157 Okay. You wanna come up? Yeah. That's the least I can do. 487 00:26:53,225 --> 00:26:55,455 - Marley! - Get a little fresh air. 488 00:26:55,527 --> 00:26:59,429 Oh, gosh. It's like he's walking the plank. 489 00:26:59,498 --> 00:27:01,728 I mean, that's what breaks my heart, is he's so happy. 490 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,030 - He doesn't know what's coming. - Honey, he's gonna be fine. 491 00:27:05,671 --> 00:27:08,162 - Oh, no, no, no. That makes me nervous. - He's okay. 492 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,037 He's just getting a little air. 493 00:27:14,513 --> 00:27:17,038 - It's like Of Mice and Men. - [Groans] 494 00:27:17,115 --> 00:27:19,675 - No, Marley- - Oh, John, please- 495 00:27:21,219 --> 00:27:23,380 - Oh, my God. - He's makin' a break for it. 496 00:27:23,455 --> 00:27:26,117 - [Squeaks] - He's onto our evil plan. 497 00:27:26,191 --> 00:27:29,058 - Pull over. - I can't stop here. I can't. 498 00:27:29,127 --> 00:27:32,494 - Honey, pull over. - I'm trying to. There's a ton of traffic. 499 00:27:32,564 --> 00:27:35,658 [Horns Honking] 500 00:27:35,734 --> 00:27:38,635 - Pull over! - All right, all right. All right. 501 00:27:40,372 --> 00:27:44,001 - Jesus. - I need a little help here. 502 00:27:44,076 --> 00:27:45,634 Hey, get a leash. 503 00:27:45,711 --> 00:27:49,670 - Shut up. - He's losing his balls today. Cut him some slack. 504 00:27:49,748 --> 00:27:51,773 - [Horns Honking] - You got him? Careful. Careful. 505 00:27:58,256 --> 00:28:01,225 This is a rough draft, 'cause I'd like to take another pass at it. 506 00:28:05,630 --> 00:28:07,825 You know, the beginning, I think I might want- 507 00:28:07,899 --> 00:28:10,595 I think we can maybe lose that, 'cause I think it gets a little bit "jokey." 508 00:28:13,605 --> 00:28:16,438 I just reread it, and I didn't think it really worked at all. I'm sorry. 509 00:28:16,508 --> 00:28:18,908 - I'm gonna go back and do the zoning piece. - Wait. Wait a minute. 510 00:28:18,977 --> 00:28:21,104 What are you apologizing for? This stuff is hysterical. 511 00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:24,376 - Really? - I'm laughing my head off at this. 512 00:28:24,449 --> 00:28:26,940 The-The getting kicked out of obedience school... 513 00:28:27,019 --> 00:28:28,953 the humping, the great escape- 514 00:28:29,021 --> 00:28:31,683 That's really funny stuff. I'm laughing my ass off. 515 00:28:31,757 --> 00:28:33,691 It's hysterical stuff. 516 00:28:33,759 --> 00:28:35,590 Run it- the way it is. 517 00:28:37,529 --> 00:28:39,724 Thanks. 518 00:28:39,798 --> 00:28:42,892 Listen. You know what makes it work? 519 00:28:42,968 --> 00:28:46,404 What makes it work is that you put yourself into it. I like that. 520 00:28:46,471 --> 00:28:49,304 - Good. - Look, I know you're a reporter and all... 521 00:28:49,374 --> 00:28:51,604 but could you do a few more things like this? 522 00:28:51,676 --> 00:28:53,109 - Sure. - Great. 523 00:28:53,178 --> 00:28:56,739 - Okay, great. - And tell your dog not to feel too bad. 524 00:28:56,815 --> 00:28:59,875 Sooner or later, we all lose our balls. 525 00:28:59,951 --> 00:29:01,919 Hey, good to know. 526 00:29:23,909 --> 00:29:25,604 [John Narrating] Woke up to a kiss from Marley. 527 00:29:25,677 --> 00:29:27,338 Went for a walk that turned into a run. 528 00:29:27,412 --> 00:29:30,404 Took an airboat ride. Wrote a column about the death of the Everglades. 529 00:29:30,482 --> 00:29:31,972 Planted an orange tree in the backyard. 530 00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:34,917 Threw sticks for Marley in the park. Watched him swim in the bay. 531 00:29:34,986 --> 00:29:37,978 Watched him steal some guy's Frisbee. Bought a new Frisbee for the guy. 532 00:29:38,056 --> 00:29:40,183 Gave Marley a bath. Went to work with writers' block. 533 00:29:40,258 --> 00:29:42,749 Hoped for inspiration to strike. Nada. 534 00:29:42,828 --> 00:29:45,023 Got a new shirt. Got a new keyboard. 535 00:29:45,097 --> 00:29:47,861 Got the same old paycheck. Went wind surfing with Sebastian. 536 00:29:47,933 --> 00:29:50,800 Met his new girlfriend Sasha. Met his other new girlfriend Angie. 537 00:29:50,869 --> 00:29:52,769 Watched models posing in the surf. 538 00:29:52,838 --> 00:29:54,499 Wrote a column about the growth of South Beach. 539 00:29:54,573 --> 00:29:57,474 Interviewed Gloria and Emilio Estefan at the Cordozo Hotel. 540 00:29:57,542 --> 00:29:59,703 Introduced them to Jenny, who gushed like a teenager. 541 00:29:59,778 --> 00:30:02,338 Went shopping at the mall. Bought a Sharper Image pillow. 542 00:30:02,414 --> 00:30:04,678 Slept like a baby. Caught Marley eating the pillow. 543 00:30:04,749 --> 00:30:08,048 Hid the evidence from Jenny. Cleaned up Marley's vomit in the kitchen. 544 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,453 Helped Jenny make dinner. Overcooked the spaghetti. Got into a food fight. 545 00:30:11,523 --> 00:30:14,356 Proofread Jenny's column. Read Sebastian's latest opus. 546 00:30:14,426 --> 00:30:16,860 Went running with Marley to burn off frustration. 547 00:30:16,928 --> 00:30:19,556 Didn't see him chew through the leash. Chased him 15 blocks. 548 00:30:19,631 --> 00:30:21,326 Had to call Jenny for a ride. 549 00:30:21,399 --> 00:30:24,459 Wrote a column about gas prices. Wrote a column about water prices. 550 00:30:24,536 --> 00:30:27,869 Found one tiny orange on our tree. Jenny very pleased with herself. 551 00:30:27,939 --> 00:30:31,670 Found my first gray hair. Found Jenny's first gray hair. Bought Jenny flowers. 552 00:30:31,743 --> 00:30:35,304 Rescued our new mailman from Marley. Rescued a U.P.S. Guy from Marley. 553 00:30:35,380 --> 00:30:39,146 Invited my parents to visit. Took them out to dinner at a cool place on South Beach. 554 00:30:39,217 --> 00:30:41,879 Got into a fight with Dad over the check. Got into a fight with Dad about money. 555 00:30:41,953 --> 00:30:43,716 Got into a fight with Jenny about all the fighting. 556 00:30:43,788 --> 00:30:45,483 Drove my parents to the airport. 557 00:30:45,557 --> 00:30:47,354 Listened to them complain about not having grandchildren. 558 00:30:47,425 --> 00:30:49,393 Tracked a hurricane heading for south Florida. 559 00:30:49,461 --> 00:30:52,919 Hid in the bathroom during the hurricane. Sat in the dark for three days. 560 00:30:52,998 --> 00:30:55,899 Wrote a column about looters. Wrote a column about volunteers. 561 00:30:55,967 --> 00:30:57,832 Wrote a column about the beauty of air conditioning. 562 00:30:57,903 --> 00:30:59,700 Watched Marley dig for buried treasure. 563 00:30:59,771 --> 00:31:03,104 Spent Christmas with Jen's sister and her family in Orlando. 564 00:31:03,175 --> 00:31:06,406 Left Marley at their house to go to Disney World. Had to buy 'em new baby furniture. 565 00:31:06,478 --> 00:31:08,844 Saw Jen light up around the little girls. 566 00:31:08,914 --> 00:31:11,712 Got a flat driving home. Wrote a column about state troopers. 567 00:31:11,783 --> 00:31:15,048 Wrote a column about toll booths. Went to dinner to celebrate Jenny's raise. 568 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,883 Tied Marley to the table. 569 00:31:18,190 --> 00:31:20,055 - [Clamoring] - Marley, come here! 570 00:31:20,125 --> 00:31:23,424 Chased Marley and the table. Caught the table. 571 00:31:23,495 --> 00:31:25,224 Wrote a column about Marley pulling the table. 572 00:31:25,297 --> 00:31:28,425 Tried to write a column about anything but Marley. Nada. 573 00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:30,900 Picked oranges from our tree. Made orange juice. 574 00:31:30,969 --> 00:31:34,405 Drove down to Miami for Bark in the Park Night at the Marlins game. 575 00:31:34,472 --> 00:31:36,599 Brought Marley, who turned out to be a real baseball fan. 576 00:31:36,675 --> 00:31:39,143 Tried to stop him from chasing a foul ball in the stands. 577 00:31:39,211 --> 00:31:41,372 Tried to stop him from chasing a foul ball on the field. 578 00:31:41,446 --> 00:31:44,415 Wrote a column about the ball game. Took crap from Sebastian about it. 579 00:31:44,482 --> 00:31:46,211 Met his new girlfriend. Can't remember her name. 580 00:31:46,284 --> 00:31:48,878 Went snorkeling with them. Cut my leg on a piece of coral. 581 00:31:48,954 --> 00:31:51,787 Went to the emergency room. Wrote a column about hospitals. 582 00:31:51,856 --> 00:31:55,622 Went to an Easter egg hunt at Jenny's boss's house in Boca. Drank mimosas. 583 00:31:55,694 --> 00:31:58,254 Met a doctor who does three liposuctions a day. 584 00:31:58,330 --> 00:32:02,061 Wrote a column about nannies in Boca. Wrote a column about the women of Boca. 585 00:32:02,133 --> 00:32:04,601 Wrote a column about writing columns. 586 00:32:04,669 --> 00:32:07,331 Came home to find Jenny dancing with Marley. 587 00:32:10,675 --> 00:32:14,236 Tried to think of reasons not to have a baby now. 588 00:32:14,312 --> 00:32:16,177 Nada. 589 00:32:19,184 --> 00:32:21,152 Why don't you just let him off the leash? 590 00:32:21,219 --> 00:32:24,416 Because although I love him, I don't trust him. 591 00:32:24,489 --> 00:32:26,423 Honey, it's been two years. He's never had an accident. 592 00:32:26,491 --> 00:32:28,425 I know, 'cause I never let him off the leash. 593 00:32:28,493 --> 00:32:31,724 We're not gonna be the guys who get Dog Beach shut down, are we, Marley? 594 00:32:31,796 --> 00:32:33,923 Nope. 595 00:32:33,999 --> 00:32:37,435 Okay. So what's next? 596 00:32:37,502 --> 00:32:39,663 Um, ice cream? 597 00:32:39,738 --> 00:32:41,672 No. I mean on your list. 598 00:32:41,740 --> 00:32:43,401 - My list? - Jen, the list- 599 00:32:43,475 --> 00:32:46,501 Your little play list that you had when we got married that had the game plan. 600 00:32:46,578 --> 00:32:48,876 - It was basically my marching orders. - My plan? 601 00:32:48,947 --> 00:32:52,713 Your plan. I wanna know what's next. Scare me. 602 00:32:52,784 --> 00:32:55,116 - You really wanna know? - Hit me. 603 00:32:55,186 --> 00:32:59,953 - Well, it's a toss-up between the new roof- - Very practical. 604 00:33:01,026 --> 00:33:03,961 And, uh- and a baby. 605 00:33:05,630 --> 00:33:07,564 [Exhales] 606 00:33:11,436 --> 00:33:13,700 I could live with a few leaks. 607 00:33:14,906 --> 00:33:17,136 - Really? - Yeah, a couple. 608 00:33:17,208 --> 00:33:20,006 But you know, a couple leaks turn into maybe one big leak... 609 00:33:20,078 --> 00:33:23,377 and then that big leak becomes a very big responsibility. 610 00:33:23,448 --> 00:33:26,645 - That's true. - We may want to think about fixing a lot of things... 611 00:33:26,718 --> 00:33:29,118 - before we start- - Well, honey, we already fixed Marley. 612 00:33:29,187 --> 00:33:32,884 If we fix too many more things, then I think this conversation becomes moot. 613 00:33:32,957 --> 00:33:35,824 John, are you serious? 614 00:33:35,894 --> 00:33:38,055 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. 615 00:33:38,129 --> 00:33:40,689 - You realize we're not talking about an actual roof here. - Yes. 616 00:33:40,765 --> 00:33:43,131 I got that. About halfway through I picked it up. 617 00:33:43,201 --> 00:33:45,169 Good metaphor though. 618 00:33:45,236 --> 00:33:48,933 And you're not just saying this 'cause you think it'll lead to some funny columns? 619 00:33:49,007 --> 00:33:51,669 Honey, come on. I mean, if I get some funny columns... 620 00:33:51,743 --> 00:33:54,405 that's collateral damage I think we can live with. 621 00:33:54,479 --> 00:33:57,573 I mean, I'm ready... if you are. 622 00:33:57,649 --> 00:33:59,879 Well, instead of trying to have a baby... 623 00:33:59,951 --> 00:34:04,251 why don't just stop trying not to have one? 624 00:34:04,322 --> 00:34:07,291 - Okay, if I'm following you correctly, and I think I am- - Uh-huh. 625 00:34:07,359 --> 00:34:10,692 This is the part-We head back, we take it off, we get it on. 626 00:34:10,762 --> 00:34:13,322 Yes, but you'll- It'll have a little more romance than that. 627 00:34:13,398 --> 00:34:17,767 - Yeah, we'll get some candles, some Sade of course. - Sade? 628 00:34:17,836 --> 00:34:21,203 [Sade Playing] 629 00:34:23,975 --> 00:34:25,101 - Honey? - Yeah? 630 00:34:25,176 --> 00:34:27,371 - Did you have kibble today? - [Panting] 631 00:34:27,445 --> 00:34:29,811 Marley, come on. Marley, go. 632 00:34:29,881 --> 00:34:31,815 Honey, he's a dog. He won't know what he's looking at. 633 00:34:31,883 --> 00:34:34,511 No, no, trust me. He knows, and he resents the hell out of me. 634 00:34:34,586 --> 00:34:37,646 - Go on, Marley. You have to go. - Oh, baby, please focus. Focus. 635 00:34:37,722 --> 00:34:39,690 - Okay. All right. - Mm-hmm. 636 00:34:44,329 --> 00:34:47,730 Good. Good. It's even better than the last one. 637 00:34:47,799 --> 00:34:49,892 - Thank you. - You're very good, Grogan. 638 00:34:49,968 --> 00:34:52,994 I like that piece you did in Boca last week on the woman. 639 00:34:53,071 --> 00:34:55,505 - What'd you call her? - "Boca-hantas." 640 00:34:55,573 --> 00:34:58,633 - Is that true- She had her boobs done four times? - That's what she said. 641 00:34:58,710 --> 00:35:02,043 Hysterical. And is that true about you and your wife? 642 00:35:02,113 --> 00:35:05,640 - You're trying to have a kid? - Well, you know, we're not really trying... 643 00:35:05,717 --> 00:35:07,685 - 'cause we don't wanna- - How does that work? 644 00:35:07,752 --> 00:35:10,220 - What do you mean? - Well, I mean, you having sex? 645 00:35:10,288 --> 00:35:12,483 - Yeah. - Did you pull the goalie? 646 00:35:12,557 --> 00:35:14,286 - Yeah. - Then you're trying. 647 00:35:14,359 --> 00:35:17,157 Congratulations. Good work. 648 00:35:17,228 --> 00:35:19,423 "Not trying" trying? 649 00:35:19,497 --> 00:35:22,432 Oh, yeah. 'Course, you'd know that if you ever read my column. 650 00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:25,663 Hey, all due respect, but does anybody ever read your column? 651 00:35:25,737 --> 00:35:28,365 Come on. I bring Marley out here to help you run your game... 652 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:31,273 on these poor girls, and this is the thanks we get. 653 00:35:31,342 --> 00:35:34,607 - How long you been at it? - A few months. 654 00:35:34,679 --> 00:35:37,341 - What changed your mind? - Well, here's the thing. 655 00:35:37,415 --> 00:35:39,713 I'm actually married to someone... 656 00:35:39,784 --> 00:35:42,344 and I care about what she wants. 657 00:35:42,420 --> 00:35:44,354 Well, is it what you want? 658 00:35:44,422 --> 00:35:46,185 Yeah. 659 00:35:46,257 --> 00:35:50,284 - I guess that answers my other question. - Yeah? 660 00:35:50,361 --> 00:35:52,295 I'm about to do a piece on the growth... 661 00:35:52,363 --> 00:35:54,729 of the domestic drug trade for the Times magazine. 662 00:35:54,799 --> 00:35:57,495 - You're freelancing for the New York Times? - Yeah. 663 00:35:57,569 --> 00:35:59,833 Yeah, but it's a big story. 664 00:35:59,904 --> 00:36:03,169 Too big for one guy and, uh, I was hoping you'd write it with me. 665 00:36:04,809 --> 00:36:06,800 Are you kidding me? 666 00:36:06,878 --> 00:36:10,041 - Be a chance for us to work together. - Yeah, I would love that. 667 00:36:10,114 --> 00:36:12,810 Of course, it will be a lot of work, a lot of travel. 668 00:36:12,884 --> 00:36:15,250 I would hope so. 669 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,517 Maybe not the best job for, uh, somebody with a kid on the way. 670 00:36:18,590 --> 00:36:22,993 Well, that's not necessarily happening right this very second. 671 00:36:23,061 --> 00:36:25,962 - [Phone Rings] - Let me talk it-There she is. 672 00:36:27,432 --> 00:36:29,900 - Honey, how are you? - [Jenny] Hi. 673 00:36:29,968 --> 00:36:33,870 I'm just calling to let you know that there's a naked woman in your bed. 674 00:36:33,938 --> 00:36:37,601 Why don't the two of you get started, and I'll be there as soon as I can? 675 00:36:37,675 --> 00:36:40,439 [Chuckling] Oh, very funny. 676 00:36:40,512 --> 00:36:42,537 But seriously, can you come home now? 677 00:36:42,614 --> 00:36:44,548 [Door Opens] 678 00:36:46,150 --> 00:36:49,244 Hey. We're home. 679 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,312 [Jenny] Hi. 680 00:36:52,390 --> 00:36:56,520 You know the baby thing? I've been thinking, maybe we should take a break. 681 00:36:58,363 --> 00:37:03,562 You know? Obviously it's not working, and maybe it's nature's way... 682 00:37:03,635 --> 00:37:05,933 of saying now's not the right timing. 683 00:37:07,505 --> 00:37:12,101 I mean, maybe it's a sign that we're not quite ready for this, that- 684 00:37:12,176 --> 00:37:14,041 - I mean, have we really thought this- - John. 685 00:37:15,046 --> 00:37:17,412 I'm pregnant. 686 00:37:18,516 --> 00:37:20,450 - Great. - Mm-hmm. 687 00:37:20,518 --> 00:37:24,079 Wow. Great. Really? 688 00:37:24,155 --> 00:37:25,213 - Yeah. - Yes. 689 00:37:25,290 --> 00:37:27,224 You were-You were just saying- 690 00:37:27,292 --> 00:37:29,317 No, don't worry. That was, like- 691 00:37:29,394 --> 00:37:31,453 It sounds so awkward now, like I just have this, like... 692 00:37:31,529 --> 00:37:35,556 very, you know, idiotic soliloquy that doesn't apply... 693 00:37:35,633 --> 00:37:37,624 and I'm really excited. 694 00:37:37,702 --> 00:37:39,761 - Do you want to start over? - I would love to. 695 00:37:39,837 --> 00:37:41,270 - That would be great. Can we? - By all means. 696 00:37:41,339 --> 00:37:44,172 Good. 697 00:37:45,843 --> 00:37:49,939 - I'm pregnant. - What? No! 698 00:37:50,014 --> 00:37:52,244 - Yes! [Laughs] - [Squeals, Laughs] 699 00:37:52,317 --> 00:37:54,842 Listen. Don't make the same mistake I did. 700 00:37:54,919 --> 00:37:57,683 - What? - There's gonna come a time very soon... 701 00:37:57,755 --> 00:38:01,384 - where her ankles are gonna swell up. - No, I'm ready for that. 702 00:38:01,459 --> 00:38:03,723 - She's gonna have blotches all over her face. - Yeah. 703 00:38:03,795 --> 00:38:05,729 She'll be 40 pounds overweight. 704 00:38:05,797 --> 00:38:08,322 - She'll be throwing up all the time. - I'm not ready for that. 705 00:38:08,399 --> 00:38:10,333 She's gonna look at you and she's gonna say... 706 00:38:10,401 --> 00:38:12,767 "You bastard. You did this to me." 707 00:38:12,837 --> 00:38:15,704 What-What happened to the glow? The-You know, the- 708 00:38:15,773 --> 00:38:18,298 There's no glow. Get her a gift. 709 00:38:18,376 --> 00:38:20,708 That'll dissipate some of the anger. 710 00:38:20,778 --> 00:38:22,769 Uh, earrings, uh, bracelet- 711 00:38:22,847 --> 00:38:24,781 That's thoughtful. It's a good idea. 712 00:38:24,849 --> 00:38:28,012 - Maybe I'll get on it right now. - There's a jewelry store on the corner. 713 00:38:28,086 --> 00:38:29,314 - All right. - Mention my name. 714 00:38:31,923 --> 00:38:34,016 Oh, John. 715 00:38:34,092 --> 00:38:36,856 It's just beautiful. 716 00:38:36,928 --> 00:38:39,795 It's just... beautiful. 717 00:38:39,864 --> 00:38:41,798 Honey, thank you. 718 00:38:41,866 --> 00:38:43,993 You're welcome. I was just walking by this-Thinking of you- 719 00:38:44,068 --> 00:38:46,036 - Yeah? - And I saw that in the window and I go... 720 00:38:46,104 --> 00:38:48,800 - "I'm getting this." - That's so sweet. 721 00:38:48,873 --> 00:38:51,637 - Yeah, well- Do you like it? - I love it. 722 00:38:51,709 --> 00:38:54,769 Yeah, well, put it on. Or let me put it on. I think it's better luck. 723 00:38:54,846 --> 00:38:56,541 - Where'd it go? - What'd you do with it? 724 00:38:56,614 --> 00:38:58,377 - You just set it down, I thought. - I just had it. 725 00:38:58,449 --> 00:39:00,007 - Did you drop it? - No, I put it right here. 726 00:39:00,084 --> 00:39:02,211 It didn't just disappear. 727 00:39:02,286 --> 00:39:04,220 Oh, God. 728 00:39:06,791 --> 00:39:09,487 - Marley. No- Marley, spit it out. - No, no. 729 00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,824 [Whispering] Go to the kitchen. Go to the kitchen. 730 00:39:11,896 --> 00:39:13,830 Marley, I have a treat. 731 00:39:13,898 --> 00:39:16,492 Come here. 732 00:39:16,567 --> 00:39:19,400 Stay. Marley, stay. 733 00:39:19,470 --> 00:39:22,837 Good boy. Yeah. 734 00:39:25,309 --> 00:39:29,405 - [Rattles] - Marley! 735 00:39:32,250 --> 00:39:34,775 Marley! 736 00:39:34,852 --> 00:39:37,116 Come here, Marley. 737 00:39:38,756 --> 00:39:40,951 Geez. 738 00:39:44,262 --> 00:39:46,662 - Marley, drop it. - Marley. 739 00:39:46,731 --> 00:39:50,189 - Marley. - Is it there? Oh, honey, I don't see it. 740 00:39:53,137 --> 00:39:56,436 Marley, you gotta lay off the mangoes. 741 00:39:57,675 --> 00:40:00,166 You know, years ago, when I imagined my life... 742 00:40:00,244 --> 00:40:02,735 somehow standing in the backyard... 743 00:40:02,814 --> 00:40:06,648 hosing down your crap, looking for my wife's swallowed, recycled... 744 00:40:06,718 --> 00:40:09,949 ass-kissing gift never jumped to mind. 745 00:40:10,021 --> 00:40:11,955 Which shows you gotta dream big... 746 00:40:12,023 --> 00:40:14,116 'cause- Oh. Jackpot. 747 00:40:14,392 --> 00:40:19,125 My, that's a lovely necklace. So shiny. 748 00:40:19,197 --> 00:40:23,463 - Yes, it is. - And how's that crazy dog of yours? 749 00:40:23,534 --> 00:40:25,832 I read your columns every week. 750 00:40:25,903 --> 00:40:27,928 - Oh. - Oh. So you're the one. 751 00:40:28,005 --> 00:40:31,634 - [Laughs] - I think you'll get a kick out of next week's column. 752 00:40:31,709 --> 00:40:34,439 The heartbeat'll be very fast- Like a little train. That's normal. 753 00:40:34,512 --> 00:40:36,639 Is it- Is it too early to tell the sex? 754 00:40:36,714 --> 00:40:38,511 I- Not that I care. 755 00:40:38,583 --> 00:40:42,110 Can be male, female- Whatever sex he wants. 756 00:40:42,186 --> 00:40:44,586 - [Laughs] - Unambiguous genitalia... 757 00:40:44,655 --> 00:40:47,453 - if I had my druthers, but- - Shh. Hang on. 758 00:40:50,495 --> 00:40:52,725 Sometimes you can't hear it, depending on how the baby's lying. 759 00:40:52,797 --> 00:40:55,163 - You're 10 weeks, right? - Monday I'll be 10 weeks. 760 00:40:55,233 --> 00:40:58,600 Hmm. Well, might be a little too early for that. 761 00:40:58,669 --> 00:41:01,331 Let's go right to the sonogram. Did you bring your blank tape? 762 00:41:01,405 --> 00:41:03,930 - Oh, yes. - Yes. Yes. 763 00:41:04,008 --> 00:41:06,442 - That's warm. - Mm-hmm. 764 00:41:06,511 --> 00:41:08,945 - Let's get a good picture for you first, huh? - Okay. 765 00:41:09,013 --> 00:41:12,107 It'll be right up on the monitor here. 766 00:41:19,056 --> 00:41:21,490 Excuse me. I'll be just a minute. 767 00:41:22,727 --> 00:41:24,695 [Door Opens] 768 00:41:30,434 --> 00:41:32,368 [Door Opens] 769 00:41:32,436 --> 00:41:34,370 - Hey, guys. - Hi. 770 00:41:34,438 --> 00:41:37,635 Let's take a look at your baby, shall we? 771 00:41:39,677 --> 00:41:41,645 All right. 772 00:41:43,748 --> 00:41:45,648 [Typing] 773 00:41:48,519 --> 00:41:50,487 Is there anything in there? 774 00:41:53,724 --> 00:41:56,318 Not what you would expect to see at 10 weeks. 775 00:41:56,394 --> 00:41:58,385 I'm not- I'm not quite 10 weeks. 776 00:41:58,462 --> 00:42:01,761 At Monday it's still, I guess, nine weeks. 777 00:42:01,833 --> 00:42:04,563 Nine weeks. 778 00:42:04,635 --> 00:42:07,126 There's no heartbeat, Jen. 779 00:42:09,407 --> 00:42:12,137 I'm very, very sorry. 780 00:42:12,210 --> 00:42:14,940 These things-They happen sometimes. We don't know why. 781 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,014 You're young. You have your health. 782 00:42:18,082 --> 00:42:20,812 Couple months, you guys can try again. 783 00:42:20,885 --> 00:42:23,786 I'm sorry. All right, I'm gonna- 784 00:42:23,855 --> 00:42:26,847 I'll leave you guys alone for a moment and we'll talk some more. 785 00:42:26,924 --> 00:42:29,017 I'm very sorry. 786 00:42:30,595 --> 00:42:32,586 [Door Opens] 787 00:42:35,766 --> 00:42:37,961 [Door Closes] 788 00:42:49,847 --> 00:42:52,839 Well, in a couple months we can try again, okay? 789 00:43:18,209 --> 00:43:20,200 You want some tea? 790 00:43:23,714 --> 00:43:27,309 You know what I was thinking- That we, uh- 791 00:43:27,385 --> 00:43:29,512 We still have those tickets from your parents... 792 00:43:29,587 --> 00:43:32,613 for the honeymoon in Ireland. 793 00:43:32,690 --> 00:43:36,592 We could finally do that. Maybe take some time off. 794 00:43:38,129 --> 00:43:40,222 Jenny? 795 00:43:47,805 --> 00:43:50,069 [Sniffles] 796 00:43:51,342 --> 00:43:53,776 [Weeping] 797 00:44:19,937 --> 00:44:22,371 [Barking] 798 00:44:23,975 --> 00:44:27,536 - Oh, he's... big. - Oh, yeah. He's a hundred pounds. 799 00:44:27,611 --> 00:44:30,205 - Now, he just wants to say hello here. - Yeah. 800 00:44:30,281 --> 00:44:32,749 - He loves people. - Just be calm. You just stay still. 801 00:44:32,817 --> 00:44:34,682 And you're a dog person, right? 802 00:44:34,752 --> 00:44:37,243 - Actually, I'm- - Ready? Here we go. 803 00:44:37,321 --> 00:44:38,720 - Go on, you can say hello. - [Barking] 804 00:44:38,789 --> 00:44:40,814 No, no, don't let him do that. Sorry. Sorry. 805 00:44:40,891 --> 00:44:42,916 All you have to do is- You just knee him if he does that. 806 00:44:42,994 --> 00:44:44,586 That shouldn't happen all the time. Just when you walk through the door. 807 00:44:44,662 --> 00:44:48,029 But here, read this. This'll tell you everything you need to know. 808 00:44:48,099 --> 00:44:50,158 - I've got the bags here. - Have you got everything? 809 00:44:50,234 --> 00:44:53,169 - Thank you. Come on, honey. - Can you get that door? 810 00:44:53,237 --> 00:44:55,432 - I got it. - Okay. Here we are. 811 00:44:55,506 --> 00:44:57,201 - [Jenny] Honey, we're really late. - Oh! Marley. Marley. 812 00:44:57,274 --> 00:44:59,868 [Jenny Narrating] Debby, welcome to our home. 813 00:44:59,944 --> 00:45:03,107 Marley is a spirited dog who loves interaction. 814 00:45:03,180 --> 00:45:05,876 We've never left him before, but we are sure he'll behave... 815 00:45:05,950 --> 00:45:07,884 just as he does when we're at home. 816 00:45:11,288 --> 00:45:14,121 There are just a few things about Marley you're gonna need to know. 817 00:45:14,191 --> 00:45:16,557 - [Barking] - He eats three times a day. 818 00:45:17,828 --> 00:45:20,262 If he looks starved, feed him again. 819 00:45:21,999 --> 00:45:24,866 Now, of course, all of this food is gonna have to go somewhere... 820 00:45:24,935 --> 00:45:28,871 so use the blue pooper scooper, and watch your step. 821 00:45:28,939 --> 00:45:31,737 Don't worry about the color. He likes mangoes. 822 00:45:31,809 --> 00:45:34,039 Marley is not allowed to drink out of the toilet... 823 00:45:34,111 --> 00:45:36,545 so be sure to keep the lid closed... 824 00:45:36,614 --> 00:45:38,548 - and the brick on the lid. - [Screams] 825 00:45:38,616 --> 00:45:40,550 You know, actually, you might want... 826 00:45:40,618 --> 00:45:42,552 to just keep the bathroom door shut in general. 827 00:45:42,620 --> 00:45:45,282 Like most dogs, Marley needs a lot of exercise... 828 00:45:45,356 --> 00:45:50,293 so try to take him for a walk or a run every morning and every evening. 829 00:45:50,361 --> 00:45:52,659 - Marley, let go! - [Snarling] 830 00:45:52,730 --> 00:45:55,130 Let go. Let go. Let go. Aaah! Marley, no! 831 00:45:55,199 --> 00:45:58,566 And be sure to lock the doors and windows before you go to sleep. 832 00:45:58,636 --> 00:46:00,001 Shoo! Shoo! 833 00:46:00,071 --> 00:46:02,562 But don't worry. Marley is an excellent watchdog. 834 00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,574 - [Thunder Rumbling] - [Howling] 835 00:46:04,642 --> 00:46:07,634 You can rest easy at night knowing he's on the job. 836 00:46:07,711 --> 00:46:09,975 Thunderstorms are his weak point. 837 00:46:10,047 --> 00:46:12,675 You can give him sedatives if you think a storm is arriving. 838 00:46:12,750 --> 00:46:16,277 Okay. Here you go. Marley. Marley, come back here. 839 00:46:16,353 --> 00:46:19,789 He doesn't like them, so push them down his throat as far as they go. 840 00:46:19,857 --> 00:46:23,088 Welcome. Welcome. I'm Mrs. Butterly. 841 00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:27,620 Now finally, we do not allow Marley to get up on any piece of furniture... 842 00:46:27,698 --> 00:46:29,825 chew on anything except his toys. 843 00:46:31,535 --> 00:46:35,301 Other than that, enjoy him. Love, Jenny and John. 844 00:46:35,506 --> 00:46:40,102 We serve tea every day at 4:00, and dinner at 6:00 sharp. 845 00:46:40,177 --> 00:46:44,307 Oh, and these blankets are woolen. Good heat in 'em. 846 00:46:44,381 --> 00:46:47,441 - So-So they're electric? - Oh, not in this house. 847 00:46:47,518 --> 00:46:51,181 My brother died in a fire, God rest his soul. 848 00:46:51,255 --> 00:46:54,952 In this room, actually. 849 00:46:55,025 --> 00:46:57,721 Oh, not to worry. It's been re-papered. 850 00:46:57,795 --> 00:47:00,229 Well, good night to ya both. 851 00:47:00,297 --> 00:47:02,231 - And God bless you. - God bless. 852 00:47:02,299 --> 00:47:04,631 Thank you. You- Bless you. 853 00:47:08,472 --> 00:47:11,305 - That was just weird. - [Springs Squeak] 854 00:47:12,877 --> 00:47:15,004 [Squeaking] 855 00:47:15,079 --> 00:47:16,740 Oh, gosh. 856 00:47:16,814 --> 00:47:21,114 Honey, I- I know that we haven't had sex since-You know. 857 00:47:21,185 --> 00:47:25,053 But I don't think we're breaking that streak tonight. 858 00:47:25,122 --> 00:47:27,056 No, no. I don't- 859 00:47:27,124 --> 00:47:29,058 I don't want to break the streak here. 860 00:47:29,126 --> 00:47:31,754 This doesn't feel- I mean, I think I could... 861 00:47:31,829 --> 00:47:36,198 you know, handle God watching, and his mother, but- 862 00:47:36,267 --> 00:47:40,260 But not- not this little porcelain pontiff right here. 863 00:47:40,337 --> 00:47:43,738 [Whispering] It's July, and I think I can see my breath. 864 00:47:43,807 --> 00:47:46,708 - Honey, I can't feel my toes. - That's not good. 865 00:47:46,777 --> 00:47:49,337 I wanna check on that. 866 00:47:49,413 --> 00:47:51,347 [Chuckles] 867 00:47:51,415 --> 00:47:53,747 - [Springs Squeaking] - Oh, good God, shush. 868 00:47:53,817 --> 00:47:58,447 It's not the bed. It's the shrieks of oversexed souls in hell. 869 00:47:58,522 --> 00:48:00,683 [Chuckles] 870 00:48:01,692 --> 00:48:03,819 Don't you want to join them? 871 00:48:05,729 --> 00:48:07,663 Really? 872 00:48:07,731 --> 00:48:09,926 Mm-hmm. 873 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,991 We don't have to. 874 00:48:12,069 --> 00:48:16,267 I know, but the idea that it hasn't happened here in 50 years is just- 875 00:48:16,340 --> 00:48:18,968 [Inhales] It's kind of turning me on. 876 00:48:23,347 --> 00:48:25,713 Honey, I missed you. 877 00:48:29,553 --> 00:48:32,454 [Springs Squeaking] 878 00:48:36,327 --> 00:48:38,318 [Marley Barking] 879 00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,800 [Barking Continues] 880 00:48:48,205 --> 00:48:50,537 [Whining, Panting] 881 00:48:51,976 --> 00:48:53,910 Marley! Hi, honey. 882 00:48:53,978 --> 00:48:55,912 - Marley. - Ohh. 883 00:48:55,980 --> 00:48:57,914 Come here. 884 00:48:57,982 --> 00:48:59,347 - We missed you so much. - [John] Hey, Debby. 885 00:48:59,416 --> 00:49:01,850 There were 11 thunderstorms while you were gone. 886 00:49:01,919 --> 00:49:05,685 Eleven. And you were right. He doesn't like thunderstorms. 887 00:49:05,756 --> 00:49:08,418 Wow. Okay. Yeah. Eleven. That's a lot of thunderstorms. 888 00:49:08,492 --> 00:49:11,359 Oh, and just so you know, I am a dog person, but that's not a dog. 889 00:49:11,428 --> 00:49:15,694 That is evil with a dog face that is humping my leg and peeing on your carpet. 890 00:49:15,766 --> 00:49:19,133 - Marley. - Marley, stop that. 891 00:49:19,203 --> 00:49:21,671 - [Barks] - [Thunderclap] 892 00:49:21,739 --> 00:49:23,707 [Barking, Howling] 893 00:49:25,743 --> 00:49:29,179 Marley, come on. It's just thunder. No barking. 894 00:49:33,284 --> 00:49:36,447 Marley, come on. It's just thunder. 895 00:49:38,222 --> 00:49:40,190 Marley, come on. 896 00:49:40,257 --> 00:49:41,519 - [Whining] - Jenny? 897 00:49:41,592 --> 00:49:44,527 Can you help me out here? 898 00:49:44,595 --> 00:49:48,292 I got 20 minutes to file this column, and I gotta- 899 00:49:48,365 --> 00:49:50,697 Jenny? 900 00:49:50,768 --> 00:49:53,896 - Ah, the luck of the Irish. - What? 901 00:49:53,971 --> 00:49:57,134 [Both Laughing] 902 00:50:44,355 --> 00:50:46,289 [Jenny] Mmm. 903 00:50:59,002 --> 00:51:01,027 [Inhales] Whoa. 904 00:51:01,105 --> 00:51:04,734 [Inhaling, Exhaling] Wow. Whoo. 905 00:51:04,808 --> 00:51:07,242 Aah. Ooh. Oh, God. 906 00:51:07,311 --> 00:51:09,939 John? Honey. John. John, wake up. 907 00:51:10,013 --> 00:51:11,947 - Yeah? - It's time. 908 00:51:12,015 --> 00:51:14,745 [Muttering] ...comfortable. 909 00:51:14,818 --> 00:51:16,752 Okay, but- Ooh. 910 00:51:16,820 --> 00:51:18,947 - God! - You all right? You all right? 911 00:51:19,022 --> 00:51:20,011 - You okay? - [Growls] 912 00:51:20,090 --> 00:51:21,614 No, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt her. 913 00:51:21,692 --> 00:51:23,751 Try not to scream, 'cause I don't want him to kill me. 914 00:51:23,827 --> 00:51:25,954 You remembered to install the car seat this weekend? 915 00:51:26,029 --> 00:51:28,589 - They won't let us take the baby home- - Right. I wouldn't forget that. 916 00:51:28,665 --> 00:51:30,758 - I know that. I'm sorry. - You got that? 917 00:51:30,834 --> 00:51:31,926 I got it. I got it. 918 00:51:35,639 --> 00:51:38,301 Yeah, come on, Marley. Help me out here. 919 00:51:38,375 --> 00:51:43,005 You can chew through drywall, Marley. This is nothing for you. 920 00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,674 Good. Yeah. 921 00:51:47,885 --> 00:51:49,819 You're gonna stay here. 922 00:51:49,887 --> 00:51:51,878 This bone will keep you busy now. 923 00:51:51,955 --> 00:51:55,254 Hopefully, no thunderstorms. And I'm off like- 924 00:52:12,810 --> 00:52:14,744 [Barks] 925 00:52:17,114 --> 00:52:19,309 Who's your daddy? Come here. 926 00:52:29,660 --> 00:52:31,594 Here's the thing. 927 00:52:31,662 --> 00:52:34,688 In about two minutes we're gonna bring home the baby... 928 00:52:34,765 --> 00:52:38,826 and you'd be doing me a really big favor if you didn't freak out. 929 00:52:40,404 --> 00:52:42,736 And I'm gonna try to do the same. 930 00:52:47,010 --> 00:52:49,911 - Are you ready? - I'm ready. Yes. 931 00:52:49,980 --> 00:52:51,914 Hi. Come here. 932 00:52:51,982 --> 00:52:54,041 Hi, baby. Oh, hi. Hi, sweetie. 933 00:52:54,117 --> 00:52:57,484 Hi, Marley. Oh, come on. 934 00:52:57,554 --> 00:52:59,988 Come here. Okay. 935 00:53:00,057 --> 00:53:04,357 - Marley. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. It would be a bummer if you ate the baby. 936 00:53:05,996 --> 00:53:08,726 - Mmm. Mmm. - Shh. 937 00:53:08,799 --> 00:53:12,929 - Just, uh- - Marley, this is Patrick. 938 00:53:14,671 --> 00:53:17,196 Not to be confused with a chew toy. 939 00:53:17,274 --> 00:53:19,242 Although it may look like one. 940 00:53:19,309 --> 00:53:21,834 Say hi. See, honey? He's not eating the baby.