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[upbeat music playing]
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Come on. Let's go.
3
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Wait a minute!
You can't just return them.
4
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They said I wasn't a good fit.
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There'll be another family, Michelle.
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{\an8}[rock music playing]
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Oh, come on! Wait a minute!
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What's the matter with me?
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Not a thing, Michelle.
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God's children are all perfect.
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In their own way.
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{\an8}[rock ballad playing]
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Fuck you!
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Never lose hope, Michelle.
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There's a family out
there for everyone.
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Come on, Agnes.
Families are for suckers.
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Don't worry about me.
I don't need anybody.
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I'm going straight to the top.
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Michelle. Michelle?
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-[audience] Michelle! Michelle! Michelle!
-[Sister Aluminata] Michelle?
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[announcer] She's the CEO
of three Fortune 500 companies
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{\an8}and the best-selling financial
author of Money Talks, Bullshit Walks.
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{\an8}The one, the only, Michelle Darnell!
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[hip-hop music playing]
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Who wants to make some money?
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[man shouting]
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I can't hear you, Chicago!
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Get those hands up!
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Come on! There we go!
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[rapping] ♪ MD going in on the verse
'Cause I never been defeated ♪
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♪ And I won't stop now ♪
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♪ Keep your hands up,
put 'em in the sky ♪
33
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,932
♪ For the homies didn't make it
and my folks locked down ♪
34
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,726
♪ I never went nowhere ♪
35
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,812
♪ They're saying 'Chelle's back
Blame it on the conjure ♪
36
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,439
♪ They call it M.D.-ac ♪
37
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,149
♪ Can't never count me out ♪
38
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,567
♪ Y'all better count me in ♪
39
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♪ Got 20 bank accounts
Accountants count me in ♪
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♪ Make millions every year ♪
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♪ The Chi's champion ♪
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♪ 'Cause all I do is... ♪
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[announcer]
Give it up for T-Pain!
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♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter
what Got money on my mind ♪
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♪ I can never get enough ♪
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00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:30,335
♪ And every time I
step up in the building ♪
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♪ Everybody hands go up ♪
48
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♪ And they stay there ♪
49
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,799
♪ And they say yeah ♪
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♪ And they stay there ♪
51
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,428
♪ Up down, up down, up down ♪
52
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♪ 'Cause all I do is win, win, win ♪
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00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,308
♪ And if you goin' in ♪
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♪ Put your hands in the air
Make them stay there ♪
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[audience cheering]
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[Michelle] Thank you, Chicago!
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Thank you. All right.
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[woman] I love you!
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00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,621
Thank you. I love you, too.
60
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,581
My name is Michelle Darnell
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00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,668
and I am the 47th
wealthiest woman in America.
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How wealthy am I?
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00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,633
I had Destiny's Child reunite
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00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:23,012
only to have them come over
to my personal living room
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so I could watch
them break apart again.
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00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,307
Huh?
67
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,561
How did I get to
my success level? What's my secret?
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00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,106
I worked myself silly.
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00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,400
Okay, number one.
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You work your ass off
to get what you want.
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Number two.
You do not let other people drag you down.
72
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,908
'Cause they will.
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00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:50,039
They are an anchor
in your life that you do not want.
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00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,750
Cut 'em loose and sail off.
75
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,628
If you work this program...
76
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You. Will. Get. Rich.
77
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,511
And I'm not talking
about chump change.
78
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:04,846
And I'm not talking about
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00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,515
some loose dollar bills
at the bottom of your purse.
80
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:10,435
I'm talking about real fucking money!
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Life-changing money!
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[audience]
Real fucking money! Real fucking money!
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That's how you do it.
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Now let's go make some money!
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♪ E.V.E. come through in a Maserat ♪
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00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,285
♪ Throwin' it big
like I live in the Taj Mahal ♪
87
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,996
♪ Talk, I don't get into blah-zy blah ♪
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♪ That's why they lovin' uh ♪
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♪ That's real when the chicks
that they talked about ♪
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♪ Damn is the words
that come out they mouth ♪
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♪ She look good,
always, without a doubt ♪
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♪ Ask for her,
yes she back an' cakin' out ♪
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♪ Shake your tambourine
go and get yourself a whistle and ♪
94
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♪ Shake your tambourine
go and get yourself a whistle and ♪
95
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♪ Shake your tambourine
go and get yourself a whistle and ♪
96
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,100
♪ Shake your tambourine
go and get yourself a whistle and ♪
97
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♪ Shake your tambourine
go and get yourself a whistle and ♪
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Thank you, Tito. What a night!
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That's right, MD.
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[laughing]
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Yeah.
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I'm amazed that
the United Center is even still standing
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because I crushed it tonight.
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You crushed it like velvet.
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00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:09,702
Like velvet!
Send T-Pain some "thank you" flowers.
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-Okay?
-Okay.
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00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,039
Look into getting
more fire power to that bird.
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00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,707
Absolutely. More power.
109
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,043
No. The fire marshal almost shut us down
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based on
the pyrotechnics we used tonight.
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I don't think that's an option.
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Let's hire a new fire marshal.
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[Claire] I don't
think you can hire a fire marshal.
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I think it's a city-appointed position,
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00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,386
but I'll look into it.
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[Tito] All she does
is win, Claire. Toot-toot!
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[Claire] I got this, Tito.
Okay? You can sit this one out.
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[Michelle] Claire?
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Oh, teeth whitening. Sorry. Sorry, yes.
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00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,564
-My God.
-Sorry.
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-Hmm.
-I have to remind you. That seems...
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That seems like
a little the opposite, right?
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Yeah.
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Okay. Yeah, I think if you keep your...
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You need to keep your
tongue inside your mouth for this to work.
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Last week you very
specifically said, "Keep tongue out."
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-No.
-You did say that, Claire.
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I said, "Get your
tongue out of the picture."
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She's got to breathe, Claire.
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00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,631
Somebody must be hungry.
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00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,634
Somebody gets very crabby
when she's hungry.
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00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:08,344
You're a little hangry, Claire.
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00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:09,887
I'm not hangry, Tito.
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Hungry and angry. You hangry, Claire.
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Sixty seconds of no talking.
136
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,351
'Cause this has to set for 60 seconds.
137
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I've been waiting. I mean, I'm in here.
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00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,438
You're the only one
that's talking, Claire.
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00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,815
You're the only
one talking. It's hilarious.
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00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:25,987
It's like that
classic comedy gag, "He's on my baseball."
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00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,321
Who's on my baseball?
142
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,781
Who's on my baseball?
143
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,075
-Uh, who's on my baseball? [chuckling]
-[Michelle chuckling]
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00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,411
-Oh, no it's...
-Who's on my baseball?
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00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,329
I think it's, "Who's on first.
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00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,123
What's on second?
I Don't Know is on third."
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00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,207
Right?
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00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,502
-I don't think that's...
-Uh, no.
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00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,505
I think you're on my baseball.
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00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,257
-[Tito] Who's on my baseball?
-First base.
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00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,259
[Michelle and Tito laughing]
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[singing] ♪ What's on my baseball? ♪
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00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,388
♪ Baseball ♪
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00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,807
Great. So, since I have you for a second,
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you told me to
remind you exactly a year ago today
156
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:02,148
that it's been
three years since my last pay increase.
157
00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:03,733
I don't think that's true.
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00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,485
That doesn't ring...
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00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,195
Does that seem accurate to you?
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00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,322
That sounds false.
161
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:11,657
But you crushed it tonight!
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00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,410
[Claire] It's not false, Tito.
It's entirely accurate.
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00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,746
And I wrote down what you said.
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00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,582
Oh, Claire,
I don't know why you always have to quote.
165
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:22,043
"Claire, exactly one year from today
166
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,545
I'm going to give you a raise so big
167
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,548
you'll cream your jeans
and shat your chaps."
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00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:31,469
Claire. That is wildly inappropriate.
169
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,513
-[Michelle] Wildly.
-[Tito] Lowbrow, Claire.
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00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,015
[Claire] I run your entire
organization, Michelle.
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00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,308
I do a great job.
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00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:39,644
I made myself
available for you 24 hours a day
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while being a single mom,
I might add.
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00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,774
I deserve a raise and a title change.
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00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,442
I'd like "Executive Assistant."
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00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:50,947
Now that surprises me, 'cause
I did not know that you had a child.
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00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,367
Was that through...
Was that through intercourse?
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00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:55,618
Yes.
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00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,537
[Michelle] You know what?
Good for you.
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00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,122
Michelle, if you can't give me a raise,
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00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,707
I can't continue to work here.
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00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,755
Well, look who
finally showed up to my seminar.
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00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,925
-[clapping]
-[Michelle] 'Bout time, Claire. I love it.
184
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,843
I didn't know if
you were listening all these years.
185
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,053
What am I always saying?
186
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,304
"Don't go in that room."
187
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,974
[Michelle] True. I do say that.
But I also say,
188
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,810
"If you want something,
you gotta take it."
189
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,104
Claire, you just took it.
190
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,022
And you grew a pair in the process.
191
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,440
I'm holding your earrings. [chuckling]
192
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,693
You're holding a pair of earrings
193
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,238
that in 2001, I paid $62,000 for.
194
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,616
And that's your raise, now.
That's a good raise.
195
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,826
And you earned it.
196
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,244
Thank you.
197
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,955
Congratulations on your balls, Claire.
198
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,708
-[Michelle] Isn't Tito the greatest?
-[footsteps on stairs]
199
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,126
[Claire] I love Tito.
200
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,586
[Michelle] What are you doing up here?
201
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:49,380
Miss Darnell, this just came for you.
They said it was urgent.
202
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,258
[phone ringing]
203
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,219
Oh, it's ringing.
204
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,099
[Michelle groans] Oh, boy.
205
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,059
Go for Darnell.
206
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,895
[Renault on phone]
I will not be ignored.
207
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,522
Ah. [chuckles]
208
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,524
[Michelle] Hi there, Ronald.
209
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,276
It's "Renault."
210
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,613
Why are you muscling
in on my Takoro deal?
211
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:16,198
You know what?
A little birdie told me
212
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,993
that Takoro was
merging with Samson International.
213
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,995
So I acquired the majority of the stock.
214
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,539
That's called insider trading, Michelle.
215
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,541
Which makes you a criminal.
216
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,002
You're going to be sorry
you ever dishonored me.
217
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,671
God, for the last time,
you're not a samurai, Ronald.
218
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:31,756
It's "Renault"!
219
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:35,092
No, it's not.
It's "Ron," and you're from Jersey.
220
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,101
Phil. Take off that ridiculous top.
221
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,936
You should never cover that up.
222
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,063
Okay.
223
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:50,107
Please don't forget
you have an interview first thing Monday.
224
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,359
[Michelle] We'll see.
225
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,028
Let me just...
Let me just help you out there.
226
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:02,370
You'll regret this, Michelle!
227
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,829
[laughs maniacally]
228
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,918
Get me the SEC.
229
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,002
Okay.
230
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:14,632
We are back with
the one and only, Michelle Darnell.
231
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,926
Let's talk about
your relationship with your mentor,
232
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,345
that mega mogul, Ida Marquette.
233
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,598
Well, Gayle, we've got
a terrific relationship.
234
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:24,266
Really? I'm so surprised to hear that,
235
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,728
only because we came across
this tape the other day. Take a look.
236
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,189
-Oh.
-[Ida] I was Michelle's mentor.
237
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,024
It's so hard to describe her.
238
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:35,903
She's a business woman,
a visionary, a leader,
239
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,531
a natural born
[bleeping] cocksucker, a motherfucker,
240
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:41,158
an ass-wipe, a shit stain,
241
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,829
and sewer rat,
fuck-face, professional.
242
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:45,913
[snickering]
243
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,581
Doesn't sound so chummy.
244
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,793
Oh, I think a couple
of those beeps were actually compliments.
245
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,586
That's one way to look at it.
246
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,338
Michelle, I want to talk about you.
247
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,341
That you were, basically,
abandoned as a child,
248
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,969
bounced around
from foster home to foster home,
249
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,930
and that, really,
you were raised in an orphanage.
250
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,265
No, no, no.
251
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:09,311
I was lucky enough to attend a beautiful,
lovely elite boarding school,
252
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,314
very much like Hogwarts,
to give you a visual.
253
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:15,776
And almost as magical.
I feel very lucky.
254
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,283
Where'd you get that?
255
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,993
[Gayle]
We've got a really good research team,
256
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,911
and when I look
at that picture, I don't think "elite."
257
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,663
Can we talk about
this for a second?
258
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,749
-This interview is over.
-Where are you going?
259
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,501
I was not trying to
upset you, Michelle.
260
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,044
-Why are you leaving?
-[Michelle] You know what, Gayle?
261
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:37,298
{\an8}Nobody spells
"Gayle" with a "Y." It's pretentious.
262
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:38,841
{\an8}You've got a great story to tell.
263
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,259
{\an8}Keeping the mic!
264
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,553
Gayle King ambushed me.
265
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:43,804
You get that segment
pulled before it airs.
266
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:44,972
Miss Darnell, you're under arrest
267
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:47,641
for insider trading and defrauding
the Securities Exchange Commission.
268
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,518
Are you kidding me?
269
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,769
Would I kid you?
270
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,313
-Claire, call my lawyer.
-Okay.
271
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:53,439
Stay back.
272
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,483
What do you make a year?
I'll double it.
273
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:56,734
Did you just try to bribe me?
274
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:59,236
No. I mean, unless you're tempted...
275
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,697
Hey! This is...
276
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,033
This is not reasonable. Claire!
277
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,618
-Don't fight it, Michelle!
-Let me go!
278
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,077
Ooh. Don't struggle, baby!
279
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,164
Renault ratted me out!
280
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:13,417
It's just insider trading!
Everybody does it!
281
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,711
You are fighting
with the wrong redhead!
282
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:17,796
[grunts]
283
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,632
Yeah. I'm out.
284
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,218
I'mma get my job back
at Best Buy. Boom!
285
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,428
God, you're the worst.
286
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:25,930
[female newscaster]
In breaking news...
287
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:29,475
Michelle Darnell was
sentenced to five months in federal prison
288
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:30,935
for insider trading.
289
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:33,145
-[dogs growling]
-Currently, Darnell Enterprise stocks...
290
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,481
I told you you'd regret it.
291
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,858
[Stephan] You can really
hold onto a grudge.
292
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,610
I can't believe you two used to date.
293
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,986
[Renault] Ah. It was the Go-Go 90s.
294
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,280
She was my yin, I was her yang.
295
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:47,993
Our bodies were intertwined, but
our spirits were in constant opposition.
296
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,161
Dynamic.
297
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,871
[dance music playing]
298
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:54,875
[soft groan]
299
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,085
I got this promotion locked!
300
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,336
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
301
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,671
Don't worry.
Once I become senior VP,
302
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,089
nothing's gonna change between us.
303
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,092
It better not.
You look so fucking rad when you do coke.
304
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,928
[Bryce] Hey, guys! Guys!
305
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,096
What?
306
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,056
They're about to
announce who gets the promotion.
307
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,266
Pretty exciting, huh?
308
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,767
Fuck off, Bryce!
309
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,936
[Boss] All right, listen up, everybody.
310
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,312
I'd like you all to join me
311
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:20,818
in offering a hearty
congratulations to our newest senior VP.
312
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,237
Michelle Darnell!
313
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,072
Oh, my...
314
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,782
-What?
-[chuckling] Oh, my God.
315
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,284
[stammering]
316
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,535
I totally...
317
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,912
Fuck off if you think that you can take
318
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,622
my client list and I wasn't gonna notice.
319
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,707
You bitch.
320
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,585
Oh, thank you!
That's so supportive, Ron.
321
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,420
I couldn't have done it without you.
322
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,297
Ron! Coffee!
323
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,091
"Ron" is gone.
324
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,553
End of broadcast.
325
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,181
{\an8}[door alarm buzzing]
326
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,474
{\an8}[Michelle] It's bullshit, Marty.
327
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,019
I take one little tip from an insider
328
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,438
and I find myself in
an absolute hellhole.
329
00:14:57,521 --> 00:15:00,816
I mean, look at me,
fighting for my life in the yard.
330
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,359
[Marty] Well, the news gets worse.
331
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,820
-All your accounts have been frozen.
-[Michelle] What?
332
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:07,156
Your shareholders have all sold off.
333
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,116
Renault is orchestrating
a hostile takeover
334
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,076
of your entire holding company.
335
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,203
-No.
-Darnell Enterprises is bankrupt.
336
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,789
-Can he do that?
-Turn off the machine, Don.
337
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,041
No, he cannot.
338
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,877
Yes, he can.
He actually did it beautifully.
339
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,796
[choking]
340
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,967
That's my Adam's apple, you bitch!
341
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,928
Claire, get me a new lawyer.
342
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,012
There's not gonna be another lawyer
343
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,598
if you don't have any money,
you stupid ginger!
344
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,101
You know what?
I'm a ginger, but I'm a natural redhead.
345
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,645
Not that you're ever gonna find out.
346
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,397
Because you will
never be invited into my basement.
347
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,274
I don't wanna see your basement!
348
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,567
[Michelle] Yes, you do!
349
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,486
And by the way, Claire works for me.
350
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,695
[Claire] Actually, Michelle,
351
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,323
I can't work for
you anymore. I got a new job.
352
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,158
I just came to tell you as a courtesy.
353
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,327
I would think a courtesy would be
354
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,663
you sticking with me
through my tough times, Claire.
355
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,831
I would. You know
I have a kid to think about, so...
356
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,249
You have a kid?
357
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,087
I can't tell if
you're joking because I did tell you
358
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,130
-that I do have a kid. And I...
-I am.
359
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,173
-Remember?
-Yes.
360
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,634
-You do?
-I am. I'm joking. I gotcha.
361
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:09,969
-Okay.
-Zinger.
362
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,517
{\an8}[Michelle] Hello, gal.
I wasn't into you, but I was flattered.
363
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:20,521
Okay, here we go.
Tom, do you mind grabbing that bag for me?
364
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,065
Kimberly, I thought you had today off.
365
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,191
Yeah, I knew you were leaving.
366
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,484
-You're sweet, Kimberly.
-[chuckles]
367
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,236
Now, you're gonna remember
what I told you?
368
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,278
-Yes.
-Okay?
369
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,738
Stocks are gonna go up and down.
370
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,532
The big money's in the long game.
371
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,741
Thank you so much, Michelle.
372
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:33,951
-Thank you, Tom.
-You're so sweet.
373
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,453
We're actually gonna miss you around here.
374
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:39,331
Well, I would hope so!
It sounds right to me.
375
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,583
All right, give me my freedom.
376
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,710
[bell ringing]
377
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:51,719
Yep, the air is sweeter out here.
378
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,180
Did you set up a ride?
379
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,057
No, I was assuming that a town car
380
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,892
or something would be provided.
381
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,602
[Kimberly] Lock it up, Danny.
382
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,687
[laughing]
383
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,981
You know,
she thought a town car was coming!
384
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,608
Well, could you call a cab?
385
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,988
I'll get one myself.
386
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:19,204
[Michelle] Okay, this is
my house right up here. This is good.
387
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:24,501
♪ Spending my money honey, I didn't care ♪
388
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:30,549
♪ Taking my friends out
for a mighty good time ♪
389
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:36,346
♪ I drank that good liquor,
champagne and wine ♪
390
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:43,312
♪ Then I began oh, so low ♪
391
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,565
♪ Couldn't find me no friends ♪
392
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:49,443
♪ Had no place to go ♪
393
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:54,031
♪ If I ever get my hands
on a dollar again ♪
394
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:58,327
♪ I'm gonna hold on to it
till that eagle grins ♪
395
00:17:58,619 --> 00:17:59,661
[grunts]
396
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:02,748
[sighs]
397
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,718
Oh, come on!
398
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:17,971
Hey!
399
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,766
Can you please stop ringing the door?
400
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,560
Hi. Does Claire Rawlings live here?
401
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:24,686
I don't know.
402
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,397
You don't know
because you're not very bright, or...
403
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,025
-I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
-[Michelle chuckles]
404
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,945
You know what?
Are you Claire's daughter?
405
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,947
I thought you were in jail.
406
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:39,827
Aren't you charming for yelling
that out on the street like that.
407
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:41,870
May I?
408
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,038
No way.
409
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,706
[Michelle] Why not?
410
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,668
Because Mom's at work
and you're fresh out of prison.
411
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,380
Okay, white-collar crime doesn't count!
412
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,798
Yes, it does!
413
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,050
No, it does not. It does not.
414
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,437
-Hi.
-Hi.
415
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,148
[snorts]
416
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:10,858
Whoa.
417
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,277
Claire. Wow.
418
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:14,444
Hi, Dana.
419
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,573
My goodness, you are so late.
420
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,074
I am?
421
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,910
You're right. You're
absolutely right, Dana.
422
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,745
I'm three minutes late.
423
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,540
Hey, do you work at
the excuse factory?
424
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,710
I wasn't making an excuse.
I was just agreeing that I was a little...
425
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:33,338
Well, I think that you're saying
this is an excuse factory, right?
426
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:34,840
Hey! Yo, Dana! Hey, hey, hey.
427
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,466
[Mike] So, hey, I wanted to tell you.
428
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,385
There is a bunch
of people gathered in the break room...
429
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:39,469
What, why?
430
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:41,263
Just raving about
your fourth-quarter review.
431
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,556
Who is? What?
432
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,974
That's why I was late.
433
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:47,853
Because we were all up there, you know,
trading our favorite Dana stories.
434
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,730
So it was... It's positive...
435
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,190
It's good buzz?
There's a lot of good buzz?
436
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,983
Buzzworthy. Absolutely, yeah.
I mean, they're raving.
437
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,194
-I have to go get coffee.
-Yeah, you do. [chuckling]
438
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,362
-She's a nightmare. She's a tool.
-[sighs]
439
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,822
She's so many things.
440
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,866
She is definitely a lot of things.
441
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,159
Uh... [chuckling]
442
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,786
Look at this, look at this!
We have so much in common, me and you.
443
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,205
We have a good banter here, right?
444
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,790
A little back and forth.
I think maybe we should
445
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,751
try and keep this
little banter wagon going, right?
446
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,002
Maybe we can go hang out...
447
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:15,589
We can dish about
the boss, and gossip about stuff and...
448
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,966
You know, probably do it
over dinner or something,
449
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,010
'cause all that dishing can be exhausting.
450
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:21,553
Work up an appetite.
451
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:24,556
Yeah, well, I'm...
First of all, I'm flattered.
452
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,183
It's a little complicated for me.
453
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,269
I'm a single mom
and I really try to, you know,
454
00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:32,522
devote a ton of energy to my kid,
and see her as much as possible.
455
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,609
I just don't think that it's a good time.
456
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,236
Yeah, cool.
457
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,820
I was hoping you would say that
458
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,989
because I love rejection,
so... [chuckling]
459
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:42,574
-Cool.
-Cool.
460
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:43,742
Sorry.
461
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,926
-[snoring]
-Michelle.
462
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,014
-Michelle.
-[gasps]
463
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,394
-[Michelle] Hello.
-Hi!
464
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,522
Hi. Hello, Claire.
465
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:14,690
Surprise!
466
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:16,566
What are you doing here?
467
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:19,611
Oh, well, I had stopped at our old office
468
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:22,322
and the security
gentlemen did mention
469
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:25,659
that you were now
the curator of my estate.
470
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:29,121
So, I just thought
I should pop over
471
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:30,956
and maybe pick up my things.
472
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:34,876
Okay, I guess you
wanna come up and grab it.
473
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,045
-Yes, absolutely.
-Do you need...
474
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:40,007
If you'd like, you can grab that trunk.
475
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,258
Oh, no.
476
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:42,884
[clears throat]
477
00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:48,390
Well, this is just...
478
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:50,642
This is...
479
00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:54,938
This can't be all of it.
I mean, this isn't all of it. This is...
480
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,441
Where are my things?
481
00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:01,570
My paintings,
or, I mean, my Degas, my rugs, my...
482
00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,448
-Where are my things?
-I'm really sorry, Michelle.
483
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,742
They seized everything.
484
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,076
This is what's left.
485
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,084
[sighs]
486
00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:19,713
Martha Stewart got everything back.
487
00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:22,674
I mean, they rallied around her.
They loved her more.
488
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:26,344
Well, Michelle, know that
Rachel and I are rooting for you,
489
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,473
and, if you need us,
you can always call
490
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,851
or send a letter here,
or just a quick text.
491
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,145
Um, do you want me to
help you out with this?
492
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:39,357
If she doesn't
have anywhere to go, she should stay here.
493
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:42,861
Honey, she knows plenty of people.
She has plenty of places to stay.
494
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,697
Tito won't return any of my calls.
495
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,491
My sweet Tito.
496
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:49,993
Fucking Tito.
497
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,244
[sighs]
498
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,914
Mom, we can't let her sleep on the street.
499
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,291
Do you really not have anywhere to go?
500
00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:58,043
No. I don't.
501
00:22:58,293 --> 00:23:00,170
Okay, you can stay here.
502
00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,672
But for a very limited
amount of time. Okay?
503
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,257
-Yes.
-Just until you get back on your feet.
504
00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:05,342
-All right?
-[Michelle] Yes.
505
00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:06,927
[Claire] It's a small space. You know.
506
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:08,929
It's tight sometimes
for Rachel and I, so...
507
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:11,932
It is really small, it's
like... It's freaky small.
508
00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:14,226
Well, but you're welcome, here.
509
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:17,104
If you need to crash,
you can have the couch.
510
00:23:17,187 --> 00:23:19,022
-Yes. We'll draw straws.
-Okay.
511
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:21,191
It'll be a fun kind of roommate...
512
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:22,317
It's not a negotiation.
513
00:23:22,442 --> 00:23:23,527
...stuff. Okay.
514
00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:26,613
Ha.
515
00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:29,783
A bed inside a sofa. That's neat.
516
00:23:30,158 --> 00:23:32,619
Well, it's old,
but it's comfortable, so...
517
00:23:33,411 --> 00:23:34,538
Thank you, Claire.
518
00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:36,039
Good night, Michelle.
519
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:41,795
It's...
520
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:44,923
Well...
521
00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:48,468
This isn't so...
522
00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:49,553
[yelping]
523
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:52,389
[groaning] Oh, my God! Oh, God!
524
00:23:58,436 --> 00:23:59,521
Claire!
525
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:02,816
I think I've shattered my pelvis.
526
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,120
[soft groan]
527
00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:17,914
[gasps] Oh, Michelle! Oh, my God.
528
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,040
Claire!
529
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,918
Michelle, why are you in my bed?
530
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:24,129
Because your sofa
threw me against a wall,
531
00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:26,423
and I've had a cellie
for the last six months.
532
00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:29,301
I find it very
difficult to sleep on my own.
533
00:24:29,384 --> 00:24:31,845
Wow. Okay.
You're kicking up a lot of...
534
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:33,305
Is that from... Is that me?
535
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:34,389
-I think...
-[blows]
536
00:24:34,472 --> 00:24:36,057
Yeah, that's me.
537
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:37,642
You know what? I got into
538
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,394
a wee bit of your Scotch last night.
539
00:24:39,477 --> 00:24:41,479
And, you know what else I tried
540
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:43,565
that I thought was terrific, was a Dorito.
541
00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:45,233
I think it was the cheese.
542
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:48,904
I mean not a cheese found in nature,
but cheese-adjacent.
543
00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:51,448
I just thought it was wonderful.
544
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,033
What a wonderful chip.
545
00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:57,162
[sighs] Michelle, you can't sleep
in my bed. I don't want you in here.
546
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:58,663
You gotta get it together, Michelle.
547
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:00,498
I am together, okay?
548
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:03,335
This morning, I'm meeting with
a bunch of old colleagues.
549
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:06,504
I'm gonna pour this into something
creamy and delicious,
550
00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:08,256
and see who takes a big sip.
551
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:09,674
Get out, out of my bed.
552
00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:14,095
God. I see why
this half of the bed maybe is empty.
553
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,932
Okay? You're a real
B-I-T-C-U-N-T in the morning.
554
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:18,183
You think about that.
555
00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:22,687
Michelle, you gotta
get out of the bathroom.
556
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:25,774
I'm already late for work
and Rachel's gonna be late for school.
557
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,400
[Michelle] Well, I'm going
as fast as I can.
558
00:25:27,484 --> 00:25:28,818
You're welcome to come in.
559
00:25:29,402 --> 00:25:31,905
Fine, but we gotta get on a schedule
if you're gonna be here...
560
00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:33,198
[gasps]
Oh, my God!
561
00:25:33,865 --> 00:25:34,991
Close your robe.
562
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,284
No, absolutely not!
563
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,412
I'm self-tanning and
my legs are still wet.
564
00:25:39,829 --> 00:25:41,539
I can see your vagina.
565
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:44,167
Well, congratulations
and you're welcome!
566
00:25:44,251 --> 00:25:46,670
You know, I had it
rejuvenated in 2010.
567
00:25:46,753 --> 00:25:48,588
They call it
a vaguvenation!
568
00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:51,800
You know, it's like
a soft silk coin purse.
569
00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,468
I can barely urinate.
570
00:25:53,551 --> 00:25:54,636
Oh, my God!
571
00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:58,098
Now, do me a favor and tell me
if I have any streaks on my hamstrings.
572
00:25:58,181 --> 00:25:59,349
[gasps] Oh, God! Put it away!
573
00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:00,600
-Whoa.
-Put it away.
574
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,936
Hi, Raquel!
575
00:26:03,019 --> 00:26:04,104
It's Rachel!
576
00:26:04,187 --> 00:26:05,230
Go grab your backpack, honey.
577
00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:07,691
We don't need to
brush our teeth today. Our teeth are fine.
578
00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:11,486
You need to wipe some of that off
your face. You know it dries darker?
579
00:26:11,569 --> 00:26:13,154
-No, does it?
-[Claire] Yes.
580
00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:15,073
But that's not what the bottle says.
581
00:26:16,449 --> 00:26:19,786
Oh, it's okay. It's coming off
like a dream on your towel.
582
00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:21,454
[Claire] You need to
clean up the bathroom.
583
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:25,250
And consider staying away
from self-tanner altogether.
584
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:28,253
Your pelvic region
is the color of curry.
585
00:26:29,337 --> 00:26:31,214
[whispering] Namaste, Claire. Thank you.
586
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,507
It's not a compliment.
587
00:26:32,590 --> 00:26:33,591
Oh.
588
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:35,385
[moaning]
589
00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:40,515
[Bryce] All right, here's
a little joke for everybody.
590
00:26:40,598 --> 00:26:43,560
What do golfers do
on their day off?
591
00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,312
Putter around.
592
00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:47,105
[all laughing]
593
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,736
Tom, I'm gonna crunch
those numbers for you,
594
00:26:52,819 --> 00:26:54,696
but I'm going to
make you pay through the teeth.
595
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:56,531
Oh.
596
00:26:56,614 --> 00:26:58,116
Bryce Crean!
597
00:26:58,199 --> 00:27:01,244
Oh, my God!
How long has it been?
598
00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:04,289
You old son of a bitch!
It has been too long!
599
00:27:04,372 --> 00:27:06,750
Terri. Hello, gentlemen. Hi...
600
00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,126
Carl.
601
00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:09,711
Oh. Look at that beard.
602
00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,255
How's that old ball-and-chain
Pam treatin' ya? [chuckling]
603
00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:15,008
Pam passed away
four months ago.
604
00:27:16,134 --> 00:27:18,970
[softly] That's tough.
That's tough.
605
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:20,805
We're kind of
in the middle of something here, Michelle.
606
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:22,182
So, thank you very much.
607
00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:24,684
Word on the street, Bryce, is that
608
00:27:24,809 --> 00:27:26,644
you're just about to
close on that Kraft deal.
609
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:29,606
So if you want me to
head up that division...
610
00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:33,693
I think I could be
a pretty big asset to you on that account.
611
00:27:33,943 --> 00:27:36,613
You've got no capital
and nobody likes you.
612
00:27:36,696 --> 00:27:38,490
Nobody here at this table likes you.
613
00:27:38,573 --> 00:27:41,117
-Nobody at this entire club likes you.
-[whispering] That's not true.
614
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:43,244
Horrible, horrible
feedback from everybody.
615
00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:47,040
So, thank you for
the groveling. Good bye!
616
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:50,502
Fuck off, Bryce.
617
00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:52,337
Yeah. You know what?
618
00:27:52,962 --> 00:27:54,214
You wouldn't even be here
619
00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:56,508
if I hadn't brought you
in as a junior executive.
620
00:27:56,591 --> 00:27:57,842
And, Terri, you think anybody else
621
00:27:57,967 --> 00:27:59,260
would've hired you
right out of college?
622
00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:01,137
No! I don't who the fuck you three are.
623
00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:02,222
But I'll guess this.
624
00:28:02,305 --> 00:28:04,349
I bet you got here
climbing on my back somehow.
625
00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:06,393
Carl, I gave you that Landis account.
626
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:10,688
I handed you your career
and I'm the one that made Pam a sales rep!
627
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:11,898
Pam is dead.
628
00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:13,400
Pam was a whore!
629
00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:16,069
She fucked her way
through the whole IT department.
630
00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:18,279
And Terri knows it,
'cause you were in on it, too!
631
00:28:18,613 --> 00:28:20,073
-[Michelle] Yeah!
-[Carl] The tech guys?
632
00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:21,658
You think Pam did all the tech guys?
633
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:24,786
The lowest, weirdest, saddest guys!
634
00:28:25,453 --> 00:28:26,746
That's who Pam fucked!
635
00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:28,415
Go to hell, Michelle! Go to hell!
636
00:28:28,498 --> 00:28:31,334
When I get to hell,
I'll tell Pam that you said hello,
637
00:28:31,418 --> 00:28:33,378
'cause she's
probably down there fucking IT guys.
638
00:28:33,461 --> 00:28:37,715
Weird little guys,
carrying wires around in weird hats.
639
00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:39,300
That's who she's fucking in hell.
640
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:40,427
Yeah.
641
00:28:40,635 --> 00:28:41,845
I don't need you.
642
00:28:41,928 --> 00:28:44,514
I don't need you and
you're gonna be sorry.
643
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:47,642
'Cause I got a sweet deal for you
and you're letting it walk out.
644
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,186
You know, you want
to be dumbasses? Be my guest.
645
00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,439
I'll tell you what,
you're gonna regret this.
646
00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:53,690
Yow!
647
00:28:53,940 --> 00:28:55,316
[groaning]
648
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:57,944
Yow! Son of a bitch!
649
00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:01,573
-Holy shit!
-Son of a bitch!
650
00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:03,074
How'd she survive that?
651
00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:04,200
[Bryce] 'Cause she's horrible.
652
00:29:04,868 --> 00:29:05,952
Let's go.
653
00:29:06,035 --> 00:29:07,537
[Michelle] Mother of shite!
654
00:29:09,038 --> 00:29:10,498
I dinged my pelvis again.
655
00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:18,465
Ah.
656
00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:20,133
[exhales]
657
00:29:20,216 --> 00:29:21,634
-Tell me everything.
-Okay.
658
00:29:22,051 --> 00:29:26,139
So, right off the top,
Bryce ordered a Nicoise salad
659
00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:28,808
but he asked for
the tuna to be really well done.
660
00:29:28,892 --> 00:29:31,019
But if it's a quality piece of tuna,
you don't wanna have it...
661
00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:33,062
-Not relevant.
-Okay, right.
662
00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:36,608
Bryce did everything
you asked him to do.
663
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:39,194
Michelle came in. She was like,
"I wanna be in a business."
664
00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:40,653
And he was like, "No dice."
665
00:29:40,737 --> 00:29:43,364
And then, she fell
down a flight of stairs.
666
00:29:43,698 --> 00:29:45,492
[gasps] Did she hurt her wonderful body?
667
00:29:45,575 --> 00:29:47,452
I have a video of it.
Do you wanna see?
668
00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:51,039
[Michelle] I'll tell you what.
669
00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:52,457
-Oh, look at her.
-[Stephan] Mmm-hmm.
670
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:54,292
Oh. [laughing]
671
00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:56,169
[both laughing]
672
00:29:58,004 --> 00:29:59,464
Oh.
673
00:30:01,549 --> 00:30:03,176
[Dr. Oz] So you see the normal intestine.
674
00:30:03,551 --> 00:30:06,679
Now, notice the difference
between that intestine and this intestine.
675
00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:09,849
I'm getting light-headed.
Is there any of that brownie left?
676
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,976
-Yeah.
-I feel like my blood sugar's dropping.
677
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:15,021
I should probably pop
it with a little sugar.
678
00:30:16,731 --> 00:30:19,859
Holy shit! That is a good brownie.
679
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:20,944
Language.
680
00:30:21,027 --> 00:30:22,862
Well, I'm sorry,
you give me a holy-shit brownie.
681
00:30:22,946 --> 00:30:24,364
I'm gonna say, "Holy shit!"
682
00:30:24,447 --> 00:30:28,117
'Cause holy shit,
this is a good brownie.
683
00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,537
I can't believe...
Your mom makes these, right?
684
00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:32,497
Yeah, it's a family recipe.
685
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,082
Hi!
686
00:30:35,875 --> 00:30:38,878
I'm pretty sure
Michelle has diverticulitis.
687
00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:40,463
-What?
-[Michelle] I got it.
688
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,715
I think it's pretty advanced, Claire.
689
00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:44,050
[Claire] Who said that?
690
00:30:44,133 --> 00:30:45,134
Doctor Oz.
691
00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:46,386
[Michelle] Look.
692
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,679
Oh, my God!
693
00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:49,347
There's my colon again.
694
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:52,183
Okay, you need to get off the couch
695
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:54,769
because you've
been laying down for about three weeks.
696
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:57,146
And, also, you have to
start pulling your weight around here.
697
00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:58,356
We can start tonight.
698
00:30:58,439 --> 00:31:00,567
You can take Rachel
to her Dandelions meeting.
699
00:31:00,650 --> 00:31:02,777
-What?
-Why aren't you taking me?
700
00:31:02,861 --> 00:31:03,945
Sweetie, I can't.
701
00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:07,949
My boss, who is
a massive fan of yours, by the way,
702
00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:10,285
has decided I need
to go back in for the evening.
703
00:31:10,618 --> 00:31:11,619
[Claire] Okay?
[claps hands]
704
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:15,623
Let's go! The most important part of
the plan being "get off the couch."
705
00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:20,837
I don't think I like sassy Claire.
706
00:31:22,964 --> 00:31:25,717
[Michelle] All right. I want you to
give me the lowdown on this meeting.
707
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,719
What are my opportunities?
What are my pitfalls?
708
00:31:27,802 --> 00:31:29,053
[Rachel] What do you mean?
709
00:31:29,345 --> 00:31:31,514
[Michelle] Well,
I want to know what I'm walking into.
710
00:31:31,681 --> 00:31:33,641
[Rachel] Oh, everyone's pretty nice.
711
00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:39,314
I forgot how many people ride
the "L". It's kind of fascinating.
712
00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:43,401
Some people depend on this.
Like, they don't have a car.
713
00:31:44,444 --> 00:31:45,486
Well, I know that.
714
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,656
[Michelle] Roller-skating
or roller-blading?
715
00:31:49,490 --> 00:31:50,533
Roller-blading.
716
00:31:50,617 --> 00:31:52,285
Honey or agave nectar?
717
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,245
-Agave.
-No, they're both terrible.
718
00:31:54,495 --> 00:31:56,080
Cell phone, landline?
719
00:31:56,623 --> 00:31:58,791
-What?
-Oh, God.
720
00:31:59,125 --> 00:32:00,793
Do you not know
what that means?
721
00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,837
-No.
-[sighs] Oh, Jesus.
722
00:32:03,546 --> 00:32:05,840
[Michelle] Okay, this
should be interesting.
723
00:32:07,258 --> 00:32:10,261
Ladies, big news. Great news.
724
00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:15,433
Marsha Swan's
tabby cat, Spaghetti, is on the mend
725
00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:18,269
and expected to make a full recovery.
726
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,021
Yay, Spaghetti!
727
00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:23,733
Yay!
728
00:32:25,151 --> 00:32:27,987
My daughter, Beth,
was so worried about Spaghetti.
729
00:32:28,071 --> 00:32:29,989
Thank goodness
she's back on her feet.
730
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:33,076
Funny fact about Spaghetti,
she hates spaghetti.
731
00:32:33,576 --> 00:32:35,411
You seem fucking crazy to me.
732
00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:36,496
Excuse me?
733
00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:38,289
-Cute as a daisy to me.
-[giggling]
734
00:32:38,998 --> 00:32:41,292
{\an8}[Sandy] Okay, now,
not to sound too kookie,
735
00:32:41,376 --> 00:32:44,087
{\an8}but let's talk
"cookie" sales, that is.
736
00:32:44,170 --> 00:32:45,421
{\an8}[all laughing]
737
00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:51,678
Okay, so this year,
we came in with $21,000.
738
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:53,721
Pretty good job, big bucks.
739
00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:59,811
But Detroit is still
in the lead for the year with $189,000.
740
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:03,648
Can I just ask you, are these numbers
you're talking about just cookie sales?
741
00:33:03,731 --> 00:33:06,901
And, if so, how many troupes
are we talking about here?
742
00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:12,198
There are 3.2
million Dandelions all over the world
743
00:33:12,448 --> 00:33:15,326
blown across the Earth,
making a difference.
744
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:16,953
Is this global?
745
00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:20,331
Wait, I recognize you.
You're Michelle Darnell.
746
00:33:20,581 --> 00:33:22,166
Please, don't make a fuss.
747
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:23,710
Oh, I'm gonna make a fuss.
748
00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:26,587
You're a convicted felon
sitting in a room full of children.
749
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:27,880
You're a criminal.
750
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:29,340
It was white-collar crime.
751
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:31,050
Okay, you don't have to defend me.
752
00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:32,593
You're such a loser.
753
00:33:33,011 --> 00:33:34,637
I'm sorry, what did he say?
754
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:35,847
What?
755
00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:37,181
-[Sandy] Well, I would...
-[whispering] Yeah.
756
00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:38,808
Excuse me. Hi.
757
00:33:38,891 --> 00:33:40,018
[Michelle] I gotta ask you.
758
00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:43,813
Now are we talking
part-time or full-time employees here?
759
00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:46,816
Nope, just happy volunteers.
760
00:33:46,899 --> 00:33:47,900
What?
761
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,819
For your information, jailbird...
762
00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:51,654
She seems great.
763
00:33:51,821 --> 00:33:54,282
The Dandelions
helps girls build leadership skills.
764
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:55,950
It looks good on their
high-school transcript
765
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:57,618
and they are bettering their community,
766
00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,203
which is more than I can say for you.
767
00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:01,497
A-ha. What is your name?
768
00:34:01,581 --> 00:34:02,790
Helen Kreagan.
769
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:05,376
Oh, you know what?
I think you dropped something right here.
770
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:07,503
-You go fuck yourself.
-Go fuck yourself.
771
00:34:07,587 --> 00:34:08,671
[whispering]
Go fuck yourself.
772
00:34:09,047 --> 00:34:10,715
I don't think you know
who you're talking to.
773
00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:13,342
I think I do.
And I think I want her to fuck off.
774
00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:14,677
I don't think you do.
775
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:16,554
[laughing]
776
00:34:16,637 --> 00:34:17,638
Oh, my gosh!
777
00:34:18,973 --> 00:34:22,268
Can we just take
a minute and give congrats to Sarah, here?
778
00:34:23,686 --> 00:34:26,856
Thank you. It's Sandy. It's Sandy.
779
00:34:26,939 --> 00:34:28,357
-Or Sandy.
-I like Sarah.
780
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:29,817
Whatever, either one.
781
00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:33,446
I gotta know how much
are you selling these boxes for?
782
00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:35,823
-[Sandy] Girls.
-[group] $7.
783
00:34:35,907 --> 00:34:37,033
[Michelle] $7?
784
00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:38,993
Ka-ching, right?
785
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:43,122
I got a guy in Shanghai who can make
this same box of cookies, 19 cents.
786
00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:45,500
This is an official meeting
and you're interrupting it.
787
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:47,460
Let's take a poll, show of hands.
788
00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:49,212
Who finds Helen
to be a bummer?
789
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,882
[Michelle] Lots of hands.
Oh, Helen.
790
00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:54,550
Toot. [chuckling]
791
00:34:54,634 --> 00:34:55,635
[clears throat]
792
00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:58,054
Do something, Mom.
793
00:34:58,304 --> 00:35:00,932
I object to parolees
attending our meetings
794
00:35:01,015 --> 00:35:02,683
and I'd like to put that in the minutes.
795
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:04,060
May I?
796
00:35:04,143 --> 00:35:05,645
Let me just handle this.
797
00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:07,939
Another great point by Helen.
798
00:35:08,022 --> 00:35:08,981
You know what, Helen?
799
00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:10,733
If you don't get off my fucking back,
800
00:35:10,983 --> 00:35:12,819
I'm gonna shove
a box of chocolate clusters
801
00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:13,986
up that tight ass of yours.
802
00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:15,238
[gasping]
803
00:35:15,321 --> 00:35:16,322
[gasping] Oh.
804
00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:18,366
I would love to go to lunch.
805
00:35:18,825 --> 00:35:22,995
You're on. You got yourself a date.
That sounds terrific, okay?
806
00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:24,914
[Michelle] Sandy,
I love that kerchief.
807
00:35:25,039 --> 00:35:26,040
[softly] Was that necessary?
808
00:35:26,165 --> 00:35:27,667
-Super necessary.
-Yeah.
809
00:35:34,257 --> 00:35:35,800
[metal rattling]
810
00:35:36,467 --> 00:35:37,802
[Michelle chattering]
811
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:43,975
[Claire] Michelle?
812
00:35:44,350 --> 00:35:45,476
-Hi!
-What are you doing?
813
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:46,769
What is all this?
814
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,396
This is my way back, m'kay?
815
00:35:48,479 --> 00:35:50,940
You are looking at Darnell 2.0.
816
00:35:51,023 --> 00:35:52,692
I wondered when
you were getting up.
817
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:54,485
Have you not gone to bed yet?
818
00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:58,197
No, I have been up and percolating
since 11:00 p.m. last night.
819
00:35:58,281 --> 00:36:00,241
-Just great stuff, Claire!
-Okay.
820
00:36:00,324 --> 00:36:01,450
You're having a breakdown.
821
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:05,037
No, no, no!
I'm having a breakthrough, because of you.
822
00:36:05,121 --> 00:36:06,873
Sit down, I gotta show you this.
823
00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:11,460
Let me introduce you
to my new golden goose...
824
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:15,631
Darnell's Darlings. Okay?
825
00:36:15,715 --> 00:36:16,883
Rough sketches.
826
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:18,718
So, I know. Those will be perfected.
827
00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:21,345
But, really, tell me,
what's your initial thoughts?
828
00:36:22,638 --> 00:36:24,390
-Stalin.
-Okay.
829
00:36:24,473 --> 00:36:26,225
-Communist youth.
-All right!
830
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:29,312
Japanese-y black power?
831
00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:31,939
My takeaway from
that is "powerful."
832
00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,942
Powerful imagery
and I'll take that any day of the week.
833
00:36:36,152 --> 00:36:37,236
Why are you up?
834
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:39,906
Sit down, sleepyhead.
Let's wake it up.
835
00:36:40,907 --> 00:36:43,075
Claire, we're gonna
start a brownie company.
836
00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:45,912
No, we're gonna
start a brownie empire.
837
00:36:45,995 --> 00:36:48,539
Okay? And we're gonna call it
Darnell's Darlings.
838
00:36:49,081 --> 00:36:52,126
Illinois alone has
25,000 Dandelions.
839
00:36:52,335 --> 00:36:57,215
They're pulling in,
in one year, $32,500,000.
840
00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:59,175
This is a global company.
841
00:36:59,258 --> 00:37:01,844
The Dandelions are making
a billion dollars a year.
842
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:05,139
Is that going in your pocket?
Helen's probably pocketing it.
843
00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:07,225
I mean, that horrible
bitch would take teeth
844
00:37:07,350 --> 00:37:09,227
right out of a kid. Am I wrong?
845
00:37:09,518 --> 00:37:12,396
If she could sell teeth,
she'd rip kids' teeth out.
846
00:37:13,522 --> 00:37:15,775
I'm gonna let it go,
but Helen's horrible.
847
00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:18,110
The Dandelions are
a non-profit, Michelle.
848
00:37:18,194 --> 00:37:20,196
That money goes back
into great programs for the girls.
849
00:37:20,279 --> 00:37:22,114
[Michelle] Oh, great programs?
That's interesting.
850
00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:24,242
Rachel, do me a favor.
851
00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:27,828
Tell your mom what was the last
"great program" you completed.
852
00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:29,538
Go ahead, go ahead.
853
00:37:29,830 --> 00:37:32,875
Scout leader Sandy
gave me a "Social Butterfly" badge.
854
00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:34,168
That's great!
855
00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:36,587
Tell her what a
"Social Butterfly" badge is.
856
00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:41,175
I had to hold a conversation
with a new person for 30 minutes...
857
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:42,885
-Okay.
-...and demonstrate
858
00:37:42,969 --> 00:37:44,470
how to be a good hostess.
859
00:37:45,096 --> 00:37:48,015
Next week, I'm thinking
maybe they'll arrange marriages.
860
00:37:48,391 --> 00:37:50,351
I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna design
861
00:37:50,434 --> 00:37:52,395
a special new badge
for the Dandelions.
862
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,356
It's gonna be a real big one,
so no one misses it.
863
00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:57,191
And I'm gonna make it
a picture of a woman.
864
00:37:57,275 --> 00:38:01,237
A real sad woman with apron strings on,
bent over in front of an oven.
865
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:02,405
And it's gonna say, "You know why
866
00:38:02,488 --> 00:38:04,615
we like vaginas
better than your mouth?
867
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,867
Because they don't
have teeth and they don't talk."
868
00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:09,495
And you could turn that badge over
and you're gonna realize
869
00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,998
that there's a man in
the oven and she's giving him a blowjob.
870
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:13,499
Good luck earning that!
871
00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:14,709
Michelle!
872
00:38:14,875 --> 00:38:16,544
I heard everything anyways.
873
00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:19,088
These girls are gonna
earn some real money
874
00:38:19,171 --> 00:38:21,007
that can go
towards a college fund,
875
00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:24,927
give them empowerment,
give them a good sense of self.
876
00:38:25,136 --> 00:38:27,013
I find that exciting, Claire.
877
00:38:27,346 --> 00:38:29,265
It's a nice idea, Michelle,
878
00:38:29,348 --> 00:38:32,226
but it's also a crazy one.
879
00:38:32,435 --> 00:38:34,395
Claire, I want you to listen to me.
880
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:38,899
You have an amazing product.
881
00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:41,736
-You make a mind-blowing brownie.
-Okay.
882
00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:46,032
And I can sell anything I believe in,
and I believe in your product.
883
00:38:46,407 --> 00:38:49,785
We can be partners.
Not my assistant, 50-50.
884
00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:52,747
That's how much
I believe in this. What do you say?
885
00:38:54,290 --> 00:38:56,042
I have to keep my job, Michelle.
886
00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:57,877
This is... It's just too risky.
887
00:38:58,711 --> 00:39:00,212
[sighs] Come on.
888
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,923
You don't even
like your job, Mom.
889
00:39:03,799 --> 00:39:05,718
Oh, that was beautiful timing.
890
00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:07,053
[whispering] I didn't even set that up.
891
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:09,847
You know what, Claire?
Keep your terrible job.
892
00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:11,724
Do this on the side.
893
00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:15,102
Okay? Plus,
it's gonna get me off your couch.
894
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:16,228
I'm in.
895
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:17,730
-You're in?
-[Claire] Mmm-hmm.
896
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,315
Let's do it, people!
897
00:39:19,398 --> 00:39:21,359
Okay, Rachel,
you go get dressed.
898
00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:23,736
I'm gonna take you to
school. We're gonna get some new recruits!
899
00:39:23,819 --> 00:39:26,197
[yawns] It's 4:00 a.m.
I'm going back to bed.
900
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:27,406
Night, sweetie.
901
00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:28,741
What? Okay, you know what?
902
00:39:28,824 --> 00:39:30,868
You get your rest,
you're gonna need it!
903
00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:33,496
We gotta recruit some
Darnell Darlings today!
904
00:39:33,579 --> 00:39:35,414
Claire, my quarterback,
905
00:39:35,498 --> 00:39:37,249
I need you to bust
ass into that kitchen
906
00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,919
and start making pan
after pan after pan of brownies,
907
00:39:40,002 --> 00:39:42,171
'cause that's how fast
I'm gonna sell 'em, okay?
908
00:39:42,254 --> 00:39:44,048
-Right now?
-Right now! All right?
909
00:39:44,131 --> 00:39:46,133
I may have tried to
preheat that oven,
910
00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:48,260
so I think there's
a little bit of a gas leak.
911
00:39:48,344 --> 00:39:49,762
-Huh?
-If you think about it, it may be
912
00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:51,305
why you guys are
feeling a little logy.
913
00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:54,558
Hey, Rach, you know what?
Don't go to sleep! Don't go to sleep!
914
00:39:54,642 --> 00:39:55,643
Oh, my God!
915
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,646
[Michelle] Okay. We may
have to walk her.
916
00:39:59,855 --> 00:40:01,065
[school bell ringing]
917
00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:03,484
Ah. You know what?
918
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:06,570
It feels good to kind of
put the shine and polish back on again.
919
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,532
People say it doesn't
matter, but it does.
920
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:11,826
-Puts a little kick in your step.
-[motorcycle approaching]
921
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:16,497
Who is that beast?
922
00:40:16,789 --> 00:40:18,791
That's Chrystal Delveccio.
923
00:40:18,916 --> 00:40:21,085
She's always
getting into fist fights.
924
00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:23,504
-Later, Dad.
-[Michelle] That's perfect.
925
00:40:23,921 --> 00:40:25,881
That is exactly
the kind of gal we want to recruit.
926
00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:27,508
You know what? Another little tip.
927
00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:30,177
Look for girls that
are named after precious stones.
928
00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:32,972
Topaz, Sapphire,
Opal, Amber.
929
00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:34,432
They're all gonna
spiral down.
930
00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:37,226
We want to get 'em
when they're angry and fresh going in.
931
00:40:37,309 --> 00:40:39,603
Why don't you check out
Chrystal's availability?
932
00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:40,938
Got it.
933
00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:46,235
My mom never lets me drink coffee.
934
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:48,446
Really, why?
935
00:40:48,779 --> 00:40:50,322
She says it'll stunt your growth.
936
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,116
That's not true. That's crazy.
937
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,535
What, do you wanna
be freakishly tall?
938
00:40:54,702 --> 00:40:56,078
[school bell ringing]
939
00:40:56,829 --> 00:40:59,331
All right. Get in there,
drum up some good recruits.
940
00:41:00,082 --> 00:41:02,084
[gasps] I feel kind of
sweaty and scared.
941
00:41:02,168 --> 00:41:04,003
That's just the
coffee kickin' in. It's good for...
942
00:41:04,086 --> 00:41:06,881
Oh, you know what?
Wait a minute, let me see something.
943
00:41:08,215 --> 00:41:10,050
Oh, I may have switched them.
944
00:41:10,134 --> 00:41:12,553
This one's yours.
I put a little splash of bourbon in mine.
945
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,013
That's okay.
946
00:41:14,638 --> 00:41:15,931
It's kind of
a secret weapon.
947
00:41:16,432 --> 00:41:18,058
It's what makes the Irish so mean.
948
00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:19,768
And I can say that 'cause I'm Scottish!
949
00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:21,729
Go get 'em!
950
00:41:23,272 --> 00:41:26,817
{\an8}[Sandy] And so, due to some
unforeseen complications,
951
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:28,402
and just, um...
952
00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:30,404
Giving up...
953
00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:32,573
Spaghetti passed away last night.
954
00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:34,200
Listen up, motherfuckers!
955
00:41:34,283 --> 00:41:35,284
Michelle, language!
956
00:41:35,367 --> 00:41:36,785
Who here wants to hear about
957
00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:38,996
an un-freaking-believably
exciting opportunity?
958
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,206
Huh?
959
00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,458
All right! Woo! Look at this group!
960
00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:45,252
All right. What's with all the long faces?
961
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:46,629
Did somebody die?
[chuckling]
962
00:41:46,712 --> 00:41:49,548
Yeah. Spaghetti died last night.
963
00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:50,883
Who is Spaghetti?
964
00:41:50,966 --> 00:41:52,134
The cat.
965
00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:54,220
{\an8}The cat? Oh. Can I be honest?
966
00:41:54,303 --> 00:41:56,805
{\an8}That cat probably killed himself
because his name was "Spaghetti."
967
00:41:56,889 --> 00:41:57,848
Right? Hey-oh!
968
00:41:57,932 --> 00:41:59,058
-Michelle.
-[Michelle] Oh...
969
00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:02,353
All right, okay.
Why don't you take off, Sandy?
970
00:42:02,436 --> 00:42:03,604
It's my meeting and I'm...
971
00:42:03,771 --> 00:42:04,980
Okay.
972
00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:06,732
Go catch it. Go catch it.
973
00:42:06,815 --> 00:42:08,192
Really sorry about your loss.
974
00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:10,653
[Michelle] As you already know,
my name is Michelle Darnell
975
00:42:10,736 --> 00:42:11,779
and this is my partner.
976
00:42:11,862 --> 00:42:15,241
And by "partner," I don't mean like
girl-on-girl kind of stuff.
977
00:42:15,324 --> 00:42:17,576
-Whoa!
-What's "girl-on-girl stuff"?
978
00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:20,454
Uh, well, great question.
I love an inquisitive mind.
979
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:22,748
Girl-on-girl stuff is
really just referring to
980
00:42:22,831 --> 00:42:25,042
something you're
probably gonna dabble with in college,
981
00:42:25,125 --> 00:42:26,168
but not stick with, you know?
982
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:27,253
Let's not...
Don't tell her that.
983
00:42:27,336 --> 00:42:28,420
Unless you're Hannah.
984
00:42:28,504 --> 00:42:29,880
-Hannah, you're gonna stick with it.
-[giggling]
985
00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:31,131
Don't... You know what? Let's...
986
00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:33,551
And I got a hunch
that your mom should've stuck with it.
987
00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:35,469
She wouldn't be so
pent-up and angry.
988
00:42:35,553 --> 00:42:36,554
[Michelle] That's my hunch.
989
00:42:36,637 --> 00:42:37,846
[Claire] Let's change the subject.
990
00:42:38,055 --> 00:42:41,684
Uh, we brought you guys
some delicious homemade brownie treats.
991
00:42:41,767 --> 00:42:44,937
Ooh. Look at this!
We brought treats, everybody! Treats!
992
00:42:45,020 --> 00:42:46,647
Let me ask you one question.
993
00:42:46,730 --> 00:42:49,108
When you sell
a box of cookies, what do you get?
994
00:42:49,191 --> 00:42:52,027
You get points
that can apply to your canoe trip.
995
00:42:52,111 --> 00:42:54,613
Wrong, you get
a big plate of bullshit!
996
00:42:55,114 --> 00:42:57,950
That is 100% right,
you beautiful giant!
997
00:42:58,033 --> 00:43:00,536
Now, at Darnell's Darlings,
we don't think that's right.
998
00:43:00,869 --> 00:43:03,038
We think if you go out
and sell a box of cookies,
999
00:43:03,122 --> 00:43:04,623
we should give you 5% commission.
1000
00:43:04,873 --> 00:43:07,001
5% commission,
every box you sell.
1001
00:43:07,084 --> 00:43:08,669
It was supposed to be 10%, I think.
1002
00:43:08,961 --> 00:43:10,588
-That's right, we did say that.
-Yeah.
1003
00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:12,965
So far, you suck at this.
Just letting you know that.
1004
00:43:13,048 --> 00:43:14,717
Okay, it's 10%.
1005
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,344
You come work with us,
you get a share of the profits.
1006
00:43:17,886 --> 00:43:19,179
Okay. Or you can stay here!
1007
00:43:19,263 --> 00:43:20,973
Be my guest and,
I don't know, build some
1008
00:43:21,056 --> 00:43:23,350
dirty badger nests
in some kind of tree.
1009
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:25,227
Or what did you
have planned, Sandy?
1010
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:28,981
Well, actually, we were
gonna build a dirty badger nest in a tree.
1011
00:43:29,982 --> 00:43:31,358
My God.
1012
00:43:31,734 --> 00:43:33,736
My God! And I was making that up.
1013
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:37,990
I was trying to think
of the worst possible scenario on Earth.
1014
00:43:38,073 --> 00:43:39,575
What the hell is
going on in here?
1015
00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:42,244
I leave the room
for one minute to talk to my landscaper
1016
00:43:42,328 --> 00:43:43,829
and the meeting goes into the toilet?
1017
00:43:44,246 --> 00:43:45,664
Sorry, Helen, we're almost done.
1018
00:43:45,748 --> 00:43:48,417
Okay, you guys,
the best part about Darnell's Darlings
1019
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:51,420
is that, for each
box sold, an extra 10%
1020
00:43:51,503 --> 00:43:53,631
will go into
a college fund for you. Okay?
1021
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:56,592
We are gonna help
you save for your college education.
1022
00:43:56,675 --> 00:44:00,638
Wait, are you trying
to poach girls from a Dandelions meeting?
1023
00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:02,222
No!
1024
00:44:02,806 --> 00:44:05,601
Helen, we are not
trying to poach girls.
1025
00:44:05,684 --> 00:44:09,647
We are actively and definitely
poaching girls from this meeting.
1026
00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:10,731
[Helen] Get your hands off me.
1027
00:44:10,814 --> 00:44:12,274
-Fuck you, Helen!
-You fuck you!
1028
00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:16,945
Tell your little shitty daughter,
never talk to Rachel like that again.
1029
00:44:17,196 --> 00:44:19,239
-Let's um, go, girls.
-[Michelle] Okay, girls!
1030
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,284
Whoever wants to
go to the fun room, come on with me!
1031
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:23,702
Just down the hall.
1032
00:44:23,786 --> 00:44:26,038
The bigger, the better room.
We got foosball!
1033
00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:28,248
Okay. And I promise, no Helen!
1034
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,834
-Bye, Helen!
-Good luck with your product!
1035
00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:32,586
Oh, man.
1036
00:44:32,711 --> 00:44:33,921
I mean, what is it, anyway?
1037
00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:38,967
It looks like just a bunch of homemade,
gluten-filled, sugar-filled,
1038
00:44:39,093 --> 00:44:40,594
diabetes cake.
1039
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:43,931
[inhales deeply]
1040
00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:50,229
[Helen] With chocolate!
1041
00:44:50,854 --> 00:44:52,231
Oh, my God.
1042
00:44:53,649 --> 00:44:54,983
It's good.
1043
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:56,944
[upbeat music playing]
1044
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:23,512
[Michelle] Now,
what are we doing?
1045
00:45:23,595 --> 00:45:25,722
[group] Selling brownies!
1046
00:45:25,806 --> 00:45:27,850
Okay, what do we say
if somebody doesn't want to buy?
1047
00:45:28,058 --> 00:45:29,643
"Buy my brownies or I'll kill you."
1048
00:45:30,102 --> 00:45:31,145
Don't say that, Chrystal.
1049
00:45:31,228 --> 00:45:32,646
Say that. That's perfect.
1050
00:45:32,729 --> 00:45:34,648
All right, now go make some money!
1051
00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:36,692
Woo!
1052
00:45:36,775 --> 00:45:38,318
[Michelle] The van leaves at 7:00!
1053
00:45:38,569 --> 00:45:40,529
If you're not back,
we will leave without you!
1054
00:45:40,612 --> 00:45:42,948
No, we're not gonna leave.
Nobody's leaving you.
1055
00:45:43,031 --> 00:45:44,825
We're leaving
at 7:00 sharp.
1056
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:46,869
-[Michelle] 7:00!
-[Claire] The van'll be here.
1057
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:49,246
I didn't count how many there were.
1058
00:45:50,539 --> 00:45:51,832
-I did. Whew.
-Oh, good.
1059
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,042
[sobbing]
1060
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:58,046
[inaudible]
1061
00:46:01,133 --> 00:46:03,385
Okay, these are cut
and cooled. Bag 'em.
1062
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,137
Michelle, are you helping?
1063
00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:06,597
Yes, of course, I'm helping.
1064
00:46:12,686 --> 00:46:14,396
By the way,
don't give him anymore freebies, okay?
1065
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,107
He's gotta pay for them,
just like everybody else.
1066
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:18,317
Oh, they're so good!
1067
00:46:18,525 --> 00:46:21,361
There you are. All set.
1068
00:46:22,070 --> 00:46:23,113
Don't forget the tip.
1069
00:46:23,238 --> 00:46:24,531
Now, how could I? You're so big.
1070
00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:26,783
You've said it so many times.
And, there, you got it.
1071
00:46:31,663 --> 00:46:32,998
Hi, do you have money?
1072
00:46:34,666 --> 00:46:35,709
Hey!
1073
00:46:36,168 --> 00:46:38,253
There ain't
gonna be any brownies left in the world.
1074
00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:40,255
Get outta here.
Go sell brownies!
1075
00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:41,507
[chuckling]
1076
00:46:41,632 --> 00:46:43,550
-Okay.
-Hello, Bonnie!
1077
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:47,179
Look at this.
Patrice, take that.
1078
00:46:47,429 --> 00:46:48,805
Take that and
buy me something!
1079
00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:50,599
I'm just kidding, but if you want to...
1080
00:46:56,855 --> 00:47:00,317
Remember, girls, when the houses are nice,
we double the price.
1081
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:02,903
Rich people don't
trust affordable snacks.
1082
00:47:03,153 --> 00:47:05,781
-You know what? Let's go up to $10 a box.
-[Helen] Hey!
1083
00:47:07,741 --> 00:47:08,992
What do you
think you're doing?
1084
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:10,577
[Michelle] Hi, Helen!
1085
00:47:11,036 --> 00:47:13,539
We're participating
in the American Dream.
1086
00:47:13,705 --> 00:47:15,165
Not on this street,
you're not.
1087
00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:17,125
This is
Dandelion territory.
1088
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:18,335
It's okay,
Helen, we'll just...
1089
00:47:18,418 --> 00:47:19,962
-[Helen] Shut up, Sandy!
-Okay.
1090
00:47:20,045 --> 00:47:21,088
You guys are losers!
1091
00:47:21,296 --> 00:47:23,382
Hey, suck my dick, Gigantor!
1092
00:47:23,465 --> 00:47:24,550
-[all gasping]
-You're fucking dead!
1093
00:47:24,633 --> 00:47:25,676
Hannah, stop it!
1094
00:47:25,968 --> 00:47:27,844
[Helen] We are not gonna
behave like this!
1095
00:47:28,095 --> 00:47:29,263
Michelle.
1096
00:47:29,346 --> 00:47:30,389
A word?
1097
00:47:30,472 --> 00:47:31,598
[Michelle] I'd be delighted.
1098
00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:35,811
First rule of business, pretend
to negotiate and then take what you want.
1099
00:47:40,774 --> 00:47:42,401
Listen, jailbird.
1100
00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:44,278
You think because
you used to be someone
1101
00:47:44,361 --> 00:47:47,906
that the rules don't apply to you
and your pathetic band of rejects?
1102
00:47:49,241 --> 00:47:50,367
Well, you're wrong, bitch.
1103
00:47:50,450 --> 00:47:52,077
Ugh. Helen!
1104
00:47:52,744 --> 00:47:54,830
You got a case of
the old trench-mouth.
1105
00:47:55,831 --> 00:47:58,584
Did you let a corpse
curl up and die in there?
1106
00:47:58,875 --> 00:48:00,002
[Rachel] Forget it, Michelle.
1107
00:48:00,419 --> 00:48:03,005
-Let's just start on the next block.
-[Michelle] No, no, no.
1108
00:48:03,338 --> 00:48:08,010
Second rule of business
is when a stanky, hummus-eating bitch
1109
00:48:08,093 --> 00:48:11,388
and her yeti of
a daughter gets in your face,
1110
00:48:11,888 --> 00:48:13,140
you gotta regulate.
1111
00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:16,393
Hannah, give me some space.
1112
00:48:19,438 --> 00:48:20,439
[all gasping]
1113
00:48:20,522 --> 00:48:21,898
[chuckling]
1114
00:48:22,107 --> 00:48:23,108
Oh.
1115
00:48:23,191 --> 00:48:24,943
-How'd that taste?
-Nice.
1116
00:48:25,235 --> 00:48:26,486
[groaning]
1117
00:48:29,489 --> 00:48:30,782
Chomp on that!
1118
00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:31,992
[Darlings cheering]
1119
00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:36,163
[grunting]
1120
00:48:36,496 --> 00:48:38,248
Let's get 'em!
1121
00:48:38,540 --> 00:48:39,541
[all clamoring]
1122
00:48:55,849 --> 00:48:58,727
They're animals!
They're animals!
1123
00:49:08,487 --> 00:49:09,905
Rachel's not done!
1124
00:49:10,113 --> 00:49:12,074
Rachel's thirsty for more!
1125
00:49:19,122 --> 00:49:20,248
Yeah!
1126
00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:23,502
Hey, Chrystal!
I'm coming for you!
1127
00:49:24,002 --> 00:49:25,295
Bring it on!
1128
00:49:34,721 --> 00:49:36,890
Oh, no, you don't!
You're not going anywhere!
1129
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:39,226
Do you understand me?
Dandelions never leave a street fight!
1130
00:49:39,309 --> 00:49:40,602
God damn it, Helen!
1131
00:49:40,852 --> 00:49:42,062
We're gonna wipe the floor!
1132
00:49:44,940 --> 00:49:46,441
Sandy, why?
1133
00:49:46,525 --> 00:49:48,485
'Cause I'm
the leader, dang it!
1134
00:49:48,652 --> 00:49:50,070
-You're a traitor!
-[Sandy] No.
1135
00:49:50,779 --> 00:49:53,490
Move! That bitch is mine!
1136
00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:54,700
Wait. No!
1137
00:49:54,783 --> 00:49:58,161
Hey, time to put
the cookies back in the cookie jar, Helen!
1138
00:49:58,245 --> 00:50:00,539
-[both] Ooh.
-I warned you, Helen! I warned you!
1139
00:50:00,789 --> 00:50:02,457
Those clusters are scratching me!
1140
00:50:02,666 --> 00:50:04,751
Good! Darlings!
1141
00:50:05,168 --> 00:50:06,253
Let's go!
1142
00:50:07,546 --> 00:50:08,755
Stay down!
1143
00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:10,507
-Don't tell your mom.
-Okay.
1144
00:50:10,632 --> 00:50:12,592
-[panting]
-This was great.
1145
00:50:19,474 --> 00:50:20,475
Ooh!
1146
00:50:20,642 --> 00:50:22,227
That batch is burnt!
1147
00:50:24,396 --> 00:50:25,480
Bye.
1148
00:50:28,233 --> 00:50:29,359
One of 'em's in me.
1149
00:50:32,446 --> 00:50:34,781
[Michelle] Hi, is
there a Claire here?
1150
00:50:35,073 --> 00:50:36,324
Is Claire...
1151
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:40,287
Hi! Where is Claire?
1152
00:50:40,370 --> 00:50:42,789
Section 509,
but return on investment...
1153
00:50:42,873 --> 00:50:44,040
Ugh, ugh.
1154
00:50:44,499 --> 00:50:45,709
Oh.
1155
00:50:46,042 --> 00:50:47,085
Look at you,
in the middle of everything...
1156
00:50:47,169 --> 00:50:48,086
I'll call you back.
1157
00:50:48,211 --> 00:50:49,212
In a bullpen.
1158
00:50:49,421 --> 00:50:50,547
What are you doing here?
1159
00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:52,924
We're out of brownies.
We need you to make more.
1160
00:50:53,258 --> 00:50:54,676
Well, I'm at work!
1161
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,679
Uh, hi, there!
Hey! You're Michelle Darnell.
1162
00:50:58,138 --> 00:50:59,890
-Of course I am.
-[laughs] Yes, you are.
1163
00:50:59,973 --> 00:51:01,725
Mike, this is Michelle.
Michelle, Mike.
1164
00:51:01,808 --> 00:51:02,976
[inhales deeply]
1165
00:51:03,059 --> 00:51:04,060
Ah...
1166
00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:05,896
"Mike" Mike.
1167
00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:08,315
Oh. Rejected Mike.
1168
00:51:08,398 --> 00:51:10,108
-The rejected Mike?
-Don't...
1169
00:51:10,192 --> 00:51:13,236
You know, he is kind of cute.
I think you should toss him a pity date.
1170
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,654
[Mike] I don't need the pity,
1171
00:51:14,738 --> 00:51:16,823
but I will take
the date if that's out there.
1172
00:51:16,907 --> 00:51:18,033
If that's an option.
1173
00:51:18,116 --> 00:51:20,660
Pity's all you've got.
Pity's your best friend.
1174
00:51:20,744 --> 00:51:22,454
-Okay. Good to know.
-Okay.
1175
00:51:22,537 --> 00:51:24,289
Just stop
talking to him, okay? Leave him alone.
1176
00:51:24,372 --> 00:51:25,916
[Dana] What is going on here?
1177
00:51:25,999 --> 00:51:28,460
[stammering] Oh, my...
Greatest. Okay.
1178
00:51:29,127 --> 00:51:30,879
You are Michelle Darnell.
1179
00:51:30,962 --> 00:51:32,214
Guilty as charged.
1180
00:51:32,297 --> 00:51:35,008
Oh, wow. I have
two personal heroes in my life,
1181
00:51:35,091 --> 00:51:37,427
and I am staring at
one of them right now.
1182
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:40,055
-Oh, no. No touching.
-No.
1183
00:51:40,305 --> 00:51:42,349
Curious to know
who the other one is.
1184
00:51:42,432 --> 00:51:44,684
It's Benedict Cumberbatch, and you.
1185
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,688
Huh. I did not peg you
for a "Cumbersnatch."
1186
00:51:49,022 --> 00:51:50,690
That's me. Cumbersnatch.
1187
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:52,108
You seem like a real Cumbersnatch.
1188
00:51:52,192 --> 00:51:53,985
Well, thank you so, so much.
1189
00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:55,153
You're welcome. Oh...
1190
00:51:55,779 --> 00:51:57,322
Thank you. Great encounter.
1191
00:51:57,405 --> 00:52:00,826
It's always fun.
And I think I'm done with you.
1192
00:52:01,076 --> 00:52:04,704
Absolutely.
And, madam, it was an honor.
1193
00:52:04,788 --> 00:52:06,873
-Off you go!
-And here I am, okay.
1194
00:52:08,834 --> 00:52:09,960
[Michelle] Strange girl.
1195
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:12,671
Okay.
1196
00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:17,259
Claire, if this company is going to work,
I need you full time.
1197
00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:18,885
I can't have you here.
1198
00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:21,221
Are you in or are you out?
1199
00:52:21,304 --> 00:52:23,223
I can't just leave my job!
1200
00:52:23,306 --> 00:52:25,350
I mean, I have to
have a steady income.
1201
00:52:25,433 --> 00:52:26,810
I have Rachel to think about.
1202
00:52:26,893 --> 00:52:29,271
No, no, no. This is for Rachel. Okay?
1203
00:52:29,354 --> 00:52:31,940
If this works out
the way I know it's going to work out,
1204
00:52:32,023 --> 00:52:33,650
it's gonna set you two up for life.
1205
00:52:34,150 --> 00:52:37,070
We're already making enough money
to pay your rent and all your bills,
1206
00:52:37,153 --> 00:52:40,782
and I'm just about to put a very big fish
on the hook as our investor.
1207
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:42,033
This is what I do.
1208
00:52:42,325 --> 00:52:43,660
Okay? You know that.
1209
00:52:44,452 --> 00:52:45,787
You have to trust me.
1210
00:52:47,414 --> 00:52:49,082
I do hate this job.
1211
00:52:49,708 --> 00:52:51,543
I mean, it's a terrible job.
1212
00:52:52,294 --> 00:52:54,337
My God. I mean, look at him.
1213
00:52:54,754 --> 00:52:57,299
He's slumped over, asleep.
I hope he's asleep.
1214
00:52:57,382 --> 00:52:59,050
You don't want to be that guy.
1215
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:01,052
What do you say?
1216
00:53:02,721 --> 00:53:03,805
Okay.
1217
00:53:03,889 --> 00:53:05,765
Yes. I'm all in.
1218
00:53:05,932 --> 00:53:07,517
Dana, I quit.
1219
00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,603
I'm gonna start my
own business, okay?
1220
00:53:09,686 --> 00:53:11,855
-I have my own business.
-Yes, she does.
1221
00:53:11,938 --> 00:53:13,773
Guys, it was lovely here.
1222
00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:16,359
Not really,
but I hope you all have a wonderful day.
1223
00:53:16,443 --> 00:53:18,653
Mike, would you still
like to go on that date?
1224
00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:19,821
Uh, yes, I would.
1225
00:53:19,905 --> 00:53:22,324
I'm free tomorrow at 7:30.
Bring your A-game.
1226
00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:25,619
Tracy? Wake up! I'm out!
1227
00:53:25,702 --> 00:53:27,370
[Michelle] Wake it up, Tracy!
1228
00:53:27,454 --> 00:53:28,496
-No.
-No.
1229
00:53:28,580 --> 00:53:29,748
-No, thank you.
-I'm so...
1230
00:53:29,831 --> 00:53:32,000
-Ooh. No.
-I'm very flattered.
1231
00:53:33,919 --> 00:53:37,047
Seems like a good
night for sexual activity, Claire.
1232
00:53:37,130 --> 00:53:38,131
[chuckles]
1233
00:53:38,214 --> 00:53:41,259
How long has it been
since you've had sexual activity?
1234
00:53:42,260 --> 00:53:46,181
Stop yelling "sexual activity."
'Cause Rachel might hear you.
1235
00:53:47,807 --> 00:53:51,186
You know, you're the one that's yelling
"sexual activity" out in the hallway.
1236
00:53:51,519 --> 00:53:53,229
Just answer the question, Claire.
1237
00:53:53,313 --> 00:53:54,481
I don't know.
1238
00:53:54,773 --> 00:53:56,524
If I had to guess,
1239
00:53:56,858 --> 00:53:59,736
maybe four, five, six years?
1240
00:54:00,278 --> 00:54:02,822
What? Oh, my God.
Did you take a vow?
1241
00:54:02,906 --> 00:54:05,116
It's very hard to find a good sitter.
1242
00:54:05,825 --> 00:54:07,702
Okay. We'll go with that. I just...
1243
00:54:07,786 --> 00:54:09,621
I'm gonna say,
it probably doesn't help
1244
00:54:09,704 --> 00:54:12,415
that you're
dressed like you grocery-shop at a CVS.
1245
00:54:13,166 --> 00:54:14,167
What?
1246
00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:15,585
I love this sweater.
1247
00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:17,170
I don't know why you would.
1248
00:54:17,253 --> 00:54:19,339
This sweater goes
with everything. It's a neutral.
1249
00:54:19,422 --> 00:54:22,801
It doesn't go with
you or your skin, or your face.
1250
00:54:23,051 --> 00:54:25,720
That sweater is
the equivalent of a sandwich board
1251
00:54:25,804 --> 00:54:27,514
that just says, "I give up."
1252
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:30,266
And then in the back,
it says, "I never started tryin'."
1253
00:54:31,017 --> 00:54:32,644
It somewhat looks like you have
1254
00:54:32,727 --> 00:54:37,524
sewn together two very long,
sad tube socks and then filled each end
1255
00:54:37,983 --> 00:54:40,860
with wet sand and rocks.
1256
00:54:40,944 --> 00:54:42,362
What are you talking about?
1257
00:54:42,445 --> 00:54:44,072
It just looks like two basset hounds
1258
00:54:44,197 --> 00:54:47,367
may have cried themselves to death
in your sweater.
1259
00:54:47,450 --> 00:54:49,828
I like it. I think this looks great.
1260
00:54:50,495 --> 00:54:51,579
-Can I...
-[gasps]
1261
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:52,998
-Michelle!
-Well...
1262
00:54:53,081 --> 00:54:54,165
-You are...
-I had to check.
1263
00:54:54,249 --> 00:54:55,500
I didn't know what was in there.
1264
00:54:55,583 --> 00:54:57,669
You're making me
feel very insecure right before my date.
1265
00:54:57,752 --> 00:54:58,837
Don't!
1266
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,172
If your breasts could speak right now,
1267
00:55:01,256 --> 00:55:03,508
I think they'd be saying, "Claire,
1268
00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,802
please don't zip me up in your jeans."
1269
00:55:05,885 --> 00:55:07,178
-That is...
-You're gonna zip a nipple.
1270
00:55:07,262 --> 00:55:08,471
That's not what they'd say.
1271
00:55:08,763 --> 00:55:10,390
May I adjust your strap?
1272
00:55:10,598 --> 00:55:12,559
-'Cause I'm trying to help you, Claire.
-[sighs]
1273
00:55:12,642 --> 00:55:14,561
You say, "Be more helpful."
And I'm trying to be helpful.
1274
00:55:14,644 --> 00:55:15,770
You can tighten the strap.
1275
00:55:15,854 --> 00:55:17,522
Okay. What...
1276
00:55:17,605 --> 00:55:20,525
-Just a little, 'cause I want it...
-What is that toggle?
1277
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:22,777
Oh, it's a nursing bra.
1278
00:55:23,445 --> 00:55:25,905
Oh, my God.
Are you still nursing Rachel?
1279
00:55:25,989 --> 00:55:29,117
No, it's from when she was a baby.
But it's very comfortable.
1280
00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:32,787
That's not comfortable to see.
Now, let me see this.
1281
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:35,540
-It's very often a fit issue.
-[exhales]
1282
00:55:36,124 --> 00:55:37,417
Why do these
have so much pull?
1283
00:55:37,542 --> 00:55:38,752
-All right, well...
-[gasps]
1284
00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:41,546
Claire! It's like Geppetto!
1285
00:55:41,629 --> 00:55:43,882
Look at that. Look at this.
It's like, "Horses, horses."
1286
00:55:43,965 --> 00:55:45,091
-It's like I'm...
-Oh, my God.
1287
00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:46,718
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!
1288
00:55:46,801 --> 00:55:48,428
It feels good.
I need to be comfortable.
1289
00:55:48,511 --> 00:55:50,430
It doesn't feel good to my eyes.
1290
00:55:50,513 --> 00:55:52,098
Can I just put 'em
where they're supposed to be?
1291
00:55:52,182 --> 00:55:54,434
And I want you
to be able to see the difference.
1292
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:57,729
You got "Happy girl",
and then, uh-oh.
1293
00:55:58,021 --> 00:55:59,189
They just drop out.
1294
00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:01,941
And I should not be able to separate...
1295
00:56:02,025 --> 00:56:03,109
-Okay. All right.
-They're heavier, but...
1296
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:05,236
So how do you like it
when I just get in there and bang around?
1297
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,821
-I love it.
-Why is there not...
1298
00:56:07,113 --> 00:56:08,198
Oh, there's no give.
1299
00:56:08,281 --> 00:56:10,492
Look at that.
I can't even feel that.
1300
00:56:10,575 --> 00:56:11,618
That's when you know...
1301
00:56:14,329 --> 00:56:16,498
I don't feel it, okay? 100% silicone.
1302
00:56:16,581 --> 00:56:19,501
And not the kind that's supposed to
ever be inside the body.
1303
00:56:19,584 --> 00:56:21,169
-[snorting]
-I know. They're fantastic.
1304
00:56:21,252 --> 00:56:22,337
That's something else.
1305
00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:23,463
Might feel that.
1306
00:56:23,546 --> 00:56:24,714
That's my nipple.
1307
00:56:25,381 --> 00:56:26,508
Yeah, they're up here,
where they should be.
1308
00:56:26,591 --> 00:56:27,467
Oh, my God.
1309
00:56:27,550 --> 00:56:29,094
No, see, you need to bring 'em down.
1310
00:56:29,177 --> 00:56:30,762
No! They can't, anyway, no.
1311
00:56:30,845 --> 00:56:32,931
That's what you
need to do. They're too high, Michelle.
1312
00:56:33,014 --> 00:56:34,265
-There's a structure. Stop.
-No.
1313
00:56:34,349 --> 00:56:35,433
If we were... You need to...
1314
00:56:35,517 --> 00:56:37,393
-Look, just take 'em a little bit lower.
-Oh, my God.
1315
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:38,645
-How about that?
-I paid a fortune for these.
1316
00:56:38,728 --> 00:56:39,938
-No, I'm gonna bring 'em...
-I'm keepin' 'em up!
1317
00:56:40,021 --> 00:56:40,980
Just gonna push
'em right down.
1318
00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:42,065
I'm trying to
help you not...
1319
00:56:42,148 --> 00:56:43,733
What're you guys doing?
1320
00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:45,193
Hey, there!
1321
00:56:45,276 --> 00:56:48,530
We're just...
There was a... Probably a...
1322
00:56:48,613 --> 00:56:49,656
-I was...
-Bugs.
1323
00:56:49,739 --> 00:56:53,785
We were jostling
each other's bosoms like...
1324
00:56:54,077 --> 00:56:55,161
Gals do.
1325
00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:56,704
No, we weren't.
1326
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:59,916
I was just trying to help your mom here
get ready for her big date.
1327
00:56:59,999 --> 00:57:02,418
-I'm a little nervous.
-She's a little bit nervous.
1328
00:57:02,502 --> 00:57:05,338
Always gotta
stretch your boobs when you're nervous.
1329
00:57:06,548 --> 00:57:07,590
[Rachel] You should change.
1330
00:57:08,007 --> 00:57:10,093
That's your TV-watching sweater.
1331
00:57:10,718 --> 00:57:11,928
Thank you.
1332
00:57:12,595 --> 00:57:14,722
Okay. Thank you for that.
1333
00:57:14,806 --> 00:57:16,516
Okay, well, we're
gonna leave you to it.
1334
00:57:16,599 --> 00:57:17,976
You can treat yourself
to a little underwire
1335
00:57:18,059 --> 00:57:20,145
and something that
doesn't look like you sell ceramics.
1336
00:57:20,228 --> 00:57:22,188
Let's go watch a movie. I'm babysitting.
1337
00:57:22,272 --> 00:57:24,357
-Have you seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
-No.
1338
00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:26,151
I'm kidding! I'm not kidding.
1339
00:57:29,112 --> 00:57:31,197
[indistinct chattering]
1340
00:57:33,992 --> 00:57:35,118
[sighs]
1341
00:57:38,830 --> 00:57:39,998
Hi.
1342
00:57:40,415 --> 00:57:43,501
Hi. Oh, my God. You look gorgeous.
1343
00:57:43,585 --> 00:57:45,753
I'm wearing a bra,
a new bra. It's not new.
1344
00:57:45,837 --> 00:57:47,922
It's old. I just
haven't worn it in a while.
1345
00:57:48,006 --> 00:57:51,009
Hey, you know what,
I went with an old bra tonight, too, so...
1346
00:57:51,759 --> 00:57:52,886
Let's get a table.
1347
00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:54,095
Absolutely.
1348
00:57:55,847 --> 00:57:59,100
I wanted to tell
you earlier actually, on a serious note.
1349
00:57:59,767 --> 00:58:02,103
When you walked
out the other day from work,
1350
00:58:02,187 --> 00:58:05,482
quite dramatically, I might add,
six other people quit.
1351
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,734
-What?
-Mmm-hmm. They just walked out.
1352
00:58:07,817 --> 00:58:09,569
-Oh, my God.
-I know, right?
1353
00:58:09,652 --> 00:58:10,820
I started a chain reaction.
1354
00:58:10,904 --> 00:58:13,490
You started a huge chain reaction.
Six people walked out
1355
00:58:13,573 --> 00:58:15,116
and then immediately
three people walked back inside.
1356
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:16,451
I think they were
outside smoking.
1357
00:58:16,784 --> 00:58:18,161
But it was like you
were a cult leader.
1358
00:58:18,244 --> 00:58:20,038
It was like a tremendous show of support.
1359
00:58:20,121 --> 00:58:22,665
It was, like, very inspiring.
1360
00:58:23,082 --> 00:58:24,918
-Really?
-Yeah, really.
1361
00:58:25,502 --> 00:58:26,920
Do you find that
hard to believe?
1362
00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:29,714
-That I'm tremendously inspiring?
-Yeah.
1363
00:58:29,797 --> 00:58:31,257
-Yeah, a bit.
-Really?
1364
00:58:31,341 --> 00:58:32,926
Well, let me tell
you something, lady.
1365
00:58:33,009 --> 00:58:35,345
You are more than a little inspiring.
1366
00:58:37,931 --> 00:58:40,099
I have been talking
ad nauseam here.
1367
00:58:40,225 --> 00:58:42,435
Can you, uh, grab
the mic for a sec?
1368
00:58:43,436 --> 00:58:45,230
Well, I, um...
1369
00:58:45,396 --> 00:58:48,024
I got knocked up in
grad school by my TA.
1370
00:58:48,107 --> 00:58:49,317
When he found
out I was pregnant,
1371
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,110
he pretended like we
didn't know each other.
1372
00:58:51,194 --> 00:58:52,987
-What?
-Then gave me a "D."
1373
00:58:53,071 --> 00:58:54,447
-What?
-Yeah, nice surprise.
1374
00:58:54,531 --> 00:58:55,573
Yeah.
1375
00:58:55,657 --> 00:58:57,450
But I got a great
kid out of it.
1376
00:58:57,784 --> 00:58:58,952
I bet you're a great mom.
1377
00:58:59,077 --> 00:59:00,245
I try.
1378
00:59:00,328 --> 00:59:02,956
I mean, unless she is currently
unsupervised. Then you're a horrible mom.
1379
00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:04,749
No, she's with Michelle.
1380
00:59:04,832 --> 00:59:06,417
-She's with Michelle?
-Yes.
1381
00:59:06,501 --> 00:59:08,127
She's your felon babysitter.
1382
00:59:09,087 --> 00:59:11,381
[laughing]
Oh! Oh, my God!
1383
00:59:11,464 --> 00:59:13,508
Rachel,
it's the goriest part!
1384
00:59:13,591 --> 00:59:15,843
It's the goriest part. You're missing it!
1385
00:59:15,927 --> 00:59:19,180
Oh, my God.
He's killing her with a chainsaw.
1386
00:59:19,264 --> 00:59:20,390
Oh.
1387
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:22,976
I have a felon
watching my child.
1388
00:59:23,059 --> 00:59:24,185
That just occurred to you, didn't it?
1389
00:59:24,269 --> 00:59:25,520
-Yes, it did.
-Yeah.
1390
00:59:25,603 --> 00:59:27,480
-It's good thing I'm here.
-Let's have some more wine.
1391
00:59:27,855 --> 00:59:30,066
Absolutely, yeah. Hey, excuse me.
1392
00:59:30,358 --> 00:59:33,194
Hi. Do you think maybe
we could get two more glasses of the...
1393
00:59:34,195 --> 00:59:35,530
No. Hold on.
1394
00:59:36,322 --> 00:59:38,283
Bring us a bottle of
whatever the lady would like
1395
00:59:38,366 --> 00:59:41,160
in the $25 to $28 range.
1396
00:59:41,953 --> 00:59:44,622
Sure, I'll send somebody to Walgreens
to get you something nice.
1397
00:59:44,706 --> 00:59:46,916
Cool. You guys do that?
What's with that?
1398
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:48,293
[laughing]
Oh, my God!
1399
00:59:49,168 --> 00:59:51,170
Is that like
a really cheap bottle of wine?
1400
00:59:54,299 --> 00:59:57,135
[Ida] You got a lot of balls
showing up here, Darnell.
1401
00:59:57,885 --> 01:00:01,097
Listen, Ida, I know you're still
mad at me, and I don't blame you.
1402
01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:03,141
I shouldn't
have cut you out of that Emerson deal.
1403
01:00:03,224 --> 01:00:05,101
But if it makes it any better,
1404
01:00:05,184 --> 01:00:07,437
I made a blinding
amount of money on that deal.
1405
01:00:09,814 --> 01:00:13,568
You know the first time I saw you?
Twenty-three years old.
1406
01:00:13,651 --> 01:00:15,653
[chuckles] Yeah.
I knew right away,
1407
01:00:15,820 --> 01:00:17,739
you were a tough,
money-hungry,
1408
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:20,825
self-serving,
see-you-next-Tuesday gal
1409
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:22,327
just like me.
1410
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:26,664
And that's why I decided to mentor you.
Just let you get too close.
1411
01:00:27,540 --> 01:00:29,542
I started to think
of you as family.
1412
01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:33,963
Well, families are
for suckers, right?
1413
01:00:34,422 --> 01:00:35,757
That's for sure.
1414
01:00:37,008 --> 01:00:38,635
What do you want, Michelle?
1415
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:40,386
I need an investor.
1416
01:00:40,553 --> 01:00:42,889
Oh, for your little brownie venture?
1417
01:00:43,431 --> 01:00:45,308
How do you even know about that?
1418
01:00:45,767 --> 01:00:49,062
Because I'm Ida Marquette.
I know everything.
1419
01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:50,772
Here.
1420
01:00:51,856 --> 01:00:53,107
Come on, Ida.
1421
01:00:53,191 --> 01:00:55,360
I'm sure you got quite
an overhead on this glue factory here.
1422
01:00:55,443 --> 01:00:57,612
-Do you want in or not?
-You know,
1423
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:03,284
I once made love on a pool table
in Hot Coffee, Mississippi
1424
01:01:03,743 --> 01:01:06,579
with six members
of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
1425
01:01:07,789 --> 01:01:08,956
Are you stroking out?
1426
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:12,293
What does this have to do with
what we're talking about right now?
1427
01:01:12,669 --> 01:01:15,755
The point is, Darnell,
I have very few regrets in my life.
1428
01:01:16,673 --> 01:01:19,676
But you...
You were my best protégée.
1429
01:01:20,843 --> 01:01:21,803
Tell you what.
1430
01:01:21,886 --> 01:01:26,015
I'll back you, if this checks out.
Just for old times' sake.
1431
01:01:26,099 --> 01:01:27,141
Okay.
1432
01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:28,976
If you'll excuse me, Shawshank,
1433
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,312
I'm late for my morning ride.
1434
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:32,563
[Ida] Yes!
1435
01:01:33,564 --> 01:01:34,607
Okay.
1436
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,359
You better make me a shitload of money.
1437
01:01:36,526 --> 01:01:37,985
Away, Butters!
1438
01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:39,612
[horse whinnying]
1439
01:01:43,866 --> 01:01:45,535
[Michelle] Come on!
Eat up, ladies.
1440
01:01:45,618 --> 01:01:46,994
This is a celebratory dinner.
1441
01:01:47,078 --> 01:01:48,705
We got our investor.
1442
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:50,540
Okay. Here we go.
1443
01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:53,835
Hoo-hoo-hoo.
1444
01:01:53,918 --> 01:01:55,002
Look at this!
1445
01:01:55,545 --> 01:01:56,629
What is this?
1446
01:01:56,713 --> 01:01:59,757
Well, I feel it's
time you become more adventurous.
1447
01:02:03,052 --> 01:02:04,262
[chuckling]
1448
01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:06,264
[Rachel] Thank God! Pizza!
1449
01:02:06,514 --> 01:02:08,266
I know you don't like sushi.
1450
01:02:08,349 --> 01:02:10,226
Thank you, Michelle! I'm starving.
1451
01:02:10,643 --> 01:02:12,353
And fugu for the lady.
1452
01:02:13,020 --> 01:02:15,022
-[Michelle] Thank you, Ping.
-Fugu?
1453
01:02:15,565 --> 01:02:16,691
[exhales]
1454
01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:19,569
The infamous pufferfish.
1455
01:02:19,902 --> 01:02:23,990
When prepared incorrectly,
it can lead to paralysis or even death.
1456
01:02:24,073 --> 01:02:25,283
But when it is prepared correctly,
1457
01:02:25,366 --> 01:02:28,327
it is like a volcano
erupting in my mouth.
1458
01:02:28,411 --> 01:02:29,996
Let's hope for
the second. [slurping]
1459
01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:31,914
[chuckles]
1460
01:02:31,998 --> 01:02:33,875
[Michelle moaning]
1461
01:02:34,917 --> 01:02:37,170
Oh, this is nice. Get in here, guys.
1462
01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:38,671
I don't wanna hog it all.
1463
01:02:39,088 --> 01:02:41,424
Michelle, are you all right?
1464
01:02:41,632 --> 01:02:46,804
When it's this perfect,
it takes you to the brink of paralysis.
1465
01:02:46,929 --> 01:02:49,766
And then, at the last minute,
it just lets you go.
1466
01:02:50,475 --> 01:02:52,393
Three, two...
1467
01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:54,228
Uh-oh.
1468
01:02:54,479 --> 01:02:55,855
[Michelle groaning]
1469
01:02:57,190 --> 01:02:58,483
Michelle?
1470
01:03:05,907 --> 01:03:08,534
-[Michelle] Whoo.
-That's a very risky dish.
1471
01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:10,495
Oh, God. How long was I out?
1472
01:03:10,578 --> 01:03:12,163
Are you serious? Like ten seconds.
1473
01:03:12,622 --> 01:03:13,664
Yeah.
1474
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,541
It's a personal best.
1475
01:03:15,958 --> 01:03:17,293
I was thinking about having more.
1476
01:03:17,376 --> 01:03:19,378
[Claire] All right,
I think everybody's done with the fugu.
1477
01:03:19,462 --> 01:03:21,547
-I'm gonna tea it out, just for a second.
-Yeah.
1478
01:03:21,631 --> 01:03:22,965
I made you something.
1479
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,091
What?
1480
01:03:24,175 --> 01:03:26,594
I mean, I thought
I should give it to you now
1481
01:03:26,677 --> 01:03:30,473
'cause you keep
eating things that almost kill you.
1482
01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:31,974
[Michelle chuckling]
1483
01:03:32,308 --> 01:03:33,976
I made the frame
at school.
1484
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:42,777
It's a nice frame, Rachel.
You did a good job.
1485
01:03:43,110 --> 01:03:44,195
Thanks.
1486
01:03:44,278 --> 01:03:48,157
When I look at the picture,
I just think we're like a weird family.
1487
01:03:51,911 --> 01:03:52,954
Okay. Ah.
1488
01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:57,250
Family? That's a little heavy-handed.
1489
01:03:58,334 --> 01:04:01,045
I think, you know,
I'm not much into labeling.
1490
01:04:01,671 --> 01:04:03,756
You say "family",
and we don't look alike.
1491
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:07,343
I mean, I'm not even sure
that you two look alike.
1492
01:04:07,426 --> 01:04:10,388
We'll have to do
a blood test on you for that.
1493
01:04:10,471 --> 01:04:14,767
You know, it's funny,
looking at this, I think what day is this?
1494
01:04:14,976 --> 01:04:19,063
'Cause I'm pretty sure I have a...
1495
01:04:19,730 --> 01:04:24,485
I have a previously scheduled thing.
I don't know what I was... You know.
1496
01:04:24,569 --> 01:04:27,154
Do what you do.
I'm gonna do what I do.
1497
01:04:27,238 --> 01:04:28,614
I'll take care of the check.
1498
01:04:30,074 --> 01:04:31,075
I just...
1499
01:04:33,828 --> 01:04:35,079
What was that about?
1500
01:04:36,330 --> 01:04:39,500
[sighs] I don't know,
sweetie. I don't know.
1501
01:04:44,672 --> 01:04:49,176
Hi! Sorry, baby.
Michelle was supposed to pick you up.
1502
01:04:49,468 --> 01:04:53,347
I know. I texted her
like 500,000 times.
1503
01:05:02,732 --> 01:05:04,150
All of her stuff is gone.
1504
01:05:10,239 --> 01:05:13,951
"Thank you for letting
me stay in your home. Sincerely, MD.
1505
01:05:14,035 --> 01:05:16,412
P.S. I won't miss your couch."
1506
01:05:16,495 --> 01:05:17,872
That's impersonal.
1507
01:05:18,748 --> 01:05:19,957
A bit.
1508
01:05:20,708 --> 01:05:22,919
I shouldn't have given
her that picture of us.
1509
01:05:23,002 --> 01:05:24,670
Sweetie, she
loved your picture.
1510
01:05:24,754 --> 01:05:29,216
No, come on.
She left because it was her time to leave.
1511
01:05:29,467 --> 01:05:31,385
Michelle is a redhead and a Scorpio.
1512
01:05:31,469 --> 01:05:33,804
It's a very impulsive combo.
1513
01:05:36,849 --> 01:05:39,727
{\an8}These little bites of
goodness are puttin' kids in college...
1514
01:05:39,810 --> 01:05:40,811
{\an8}Yes.
1515
01:05:40,895 --> 01:05:43,481
{\an8}...are giving young
women in this country a business plan
1516
01:05:43,606 --> 01:05:45,983
{\an8}and the thought in
their head of like, "Yes, I can."
1517
01:05:46,067 --> 01:05:47,193
Is she picking up?
1518
01:05:47,276 --> 01:05:50,363
And if you buy four sets,
you get this adorable wagon.
1519
01:05:50,446 --> 01:05:51,781
[clears throat]
1520
01:05:51,864 --> 01:05:54,116
No. It's her voicemail.
1521
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:05,878
I got 'em! I got 'em!
1522
01:06:14,178 --> 01:06:15,179
[inhales deeply]
1523
01:06:16,764 --> 01:06:18,140
These are going to be huge.
1524
01:06:24,230 --> 01:06:26,482
How does she do it? I want in.
1525
01:06:26,732 --> 01:06:27,900
More milk.
1526
01:06:27,984 --> 01:06:31,070
No, I'm feeling reckless.
I want to do it myself this time.
1527
01:06:34,156 --> 01:06:35,157
Ah.
1528
01:06:35,241 --> 01:06:36,492
Good job.
1529
01:06:38,119 --> 01:06:41,288
[Claire] It's just, a little
common courtesy would be nice, you know?
1530
01:06:41,372 --> 01:06:42,915
If she ever returned my calls,
1531
01:06:42,999 --> 01:06:45,543
I would know about these press days
in the middle of nowhere.
1532
01:06:45,626 --> 01:06:46,669
Mom, look!
1533
01:06:47,670 --> 01:06:49,463
[Renault] Congratulations, Claire.
1534
01:06:53,009 --> 01:06:55,052
Honey, why don't you,
um, go on inside,
1535
01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:57,179
just look both ways
before you cross, okay?
1536
01:06:57,304 --> 01:06:58,305
Okay.
1537
01:07:00,933 --> 01:07:01,976
What're you doing here?
1538
01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:06,939
Looks like you and Michelle
have built yourself quite a little empire.
1539
01:07:08,607 --> 01:07:09,608
What do you want?
1540
01:07:09,692 --> 01:07:13,112
I want to take what
Michelle Darnell has built.
1541
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:15,906
I want her to realize
that I have taken it away.
1542
01:07:15,990 --> 01:07:19,577
And when she realizes it, when that
moment of realization crosses her face,
1543
01:07:19,660 --> 01:07:21,620
and she realizes
that I have realized it as well...
1544
01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:22,663
I've lost my train of thought.
1545
01:07:22,747 --> 01:07:23,748
Yeah, I'm not following.
1546
01:07:23,831 --> 01:07:25,458
I want the fucking company, Claire.
1547
01:07:26,834 --> 01:07:28,252
-[inhales deeply]
-It's only a matter of time
1548
01:07:28,335 --> 01:07:30,504
before Michelle Darnell screws you over.
1549
01:07:30,671 --> 01:07:31,630
[Michelle] So get in there.
1550
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:33,716
I see you eyein' those brownies.
1551
01:07:33,799 --> 01:07:35,051
Let's have some bites. Go ahead.
1552
01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:37,595
They're not gonna bite you.
You're gonna bite them. [chuckles]
1553
01:07:37,887 --> 01:07:39,096
Let's get a shot of those.
1554
01:07:54,236 --> 01:07:56,072
Huh, pretty good stuff, right?
1555
01:08:01,869 --> 01:08:04,246
Oh, my God.
1556
01:08:04,330 --> 01:08:05,539
[Michelle] Oh, amazing!
1557
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:08,709
This is Chrystal.
It's one of the Darnell originals.
1558
01:08:08,793 --> 01:08:10,419
She's a giant. Huh?
1559
01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:12,379
I mean,
I'm not a doctor, but I have eyes.
1560
01:08:12,463 --> 01:08:14,256
[chuckles] Isn't that fun?
Come on with me.
1561
01:08:14,340 --> 01:08:16,217
-I got a surprise for all of you guys...
-[sighs]
1562
01:08:16,342 --> 01:08:18,219
I think you're gonna
be very excited about.
1563
01:08:18,302 --> 01:08:21,388
I'd like to present
the new Darnell Darlings' mascot!
1564
01:08:21,472 --> 01:08:22,515
Hit it!
1565
01:08:22,598 --> 01:08:23,557
[upbeat music playing]
1566
01:08:23,641 --> 01:08:26,060
Take some snaps of this.
I know you want to.
1567
01:08:26,143 --> 01:08:27,436
[Michelle] It's a phoenix.
1568
01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:28,521
Michelle.
1569
01:08:28,604 --> 01:08:30,356
You get in there.
I know you're not shy.
1570
01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:31,482
What is this?
1571
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,819
It's a phoenix, Claire.
It's my totem animal.
1572
01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:39,115
Okay. So you leased
a commercial kitchen without telling me?
1573
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:41,784
Yes. I'm kind of
waiting for a, "Thank you, Michelle!"
1574
01:08:41,867 --> 01:08:44,161
Wow, um. I'm having
a hard time with the "thank you"
1575
01:08:44,245 --> 01:08:47,915
because you also hired all of these people
without consulting me.
1576
01:08:47,998 --> 01:08:51,252
I do know that you've been
complaining pretty consistently
1577
01:08:51,335 --> 01:08:53,754
about having to do all the baking
and doing it at your house.
1578
01:08:53,838 --> 01:08:56,048
I fixed all that for ya.
And you're more mad than ever.
1579
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:57,424
-I don't get it, Claire.
-You didn't...
1580
01:08:57,508 --> 01:09:00,052
Michelle, you
didn't consult me on any of this, okay?
1581
01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:01,387
I see a bunch of press.
1582
01:09:01,470 --> 01:09:03,931
One of us, not you,
got the press here.
1583
01:09:04,014 --> 01:09:06,559
Right. Okay.
Well, maybe they should know that
1584
01:09:06,684 --> 01:09:08,185
the new and
improved Michelle Darnell
1585
01:09:08,269 --> 01:09:11,397
is just as self-centered and egotistical
as the old Michelle Darnell.
1586
01:09:11,480 --> 01:09:13,357
-Really? Do you wanna do this?
-Sure!
1587
01:09:13,440 --> 01:09:14,650
-'Cause I would love to do this.
-Great.
1588
01:09:14,733 --> 01:09:15,734
You follow me.
1589
01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,361
I will follow you, from the front.
1590
01:09:17,444 --> 01:09:19,572
-No, not from the front. From the back!
-Yes!
1591
01:09:20,072 --> 01:09:21,866
Don't put your
arm in front of me!
1592
01:09:21,949 --> 01:09:24,910
You can't tell me what to do!
You're not my boss anymore!
1593
01:09:24,994 --> 01:09:26,662
We are partners, 50-50,
1594
01:09:26,745 --> 01:09:28,747
and you can't make
decisions without telling me!
1595
01:09:29,123 --> 01:09:32,251
We are not partners, Claire!
I am a successful businesswoman.
1596
01:09:32,334 --> 01:09:35,588
You are a lonely woman
who can make a halfway decent brownie!
1597
01:09:35,671 --> 01:09:37,715
And we all have
our little secrets, Claire. Right?
1598
01:09:37,798 --> 01:09:40,551
You double-crossing,
hand-holding, sneaky little rat!
1599
01:09:40,634 --> 01:09:43,512
What are you talking about?
God, I can't believe I helped you!
1600
01:09:43,596 --> 01:09:47,057
I took you in off the street, okay?
When no one else would.
1601
01:09:47,141 --> 01:09:48,934
You are such a cliché.
1602
01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:52,021
Okay? You're getting close to people
so now you have to push them away.
1603
01:09:52,104 --> 01:09:54,315
Okay, don't analyze
me, Dr. Phil!
1604
01:09:54,398 --> 01:09:56,108
Why're you guys doing this?
1605
01:09:56,734 --> 01:09:58,527
Rachel, you know what,
just go inside, honey.
1606
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:01,322
No! No! You do
not tell my daughter what to do.
1607
01:10:01,405 --> 01:10:03,115
And you know what?
Don't ever speak to her again.
1608
01:10:03,324 --> 01:10:05,117
Mom, why would you say that?
1609
01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:12,041
It's fine, Rachel, just...
Girls, go inside! Now!
1610
01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:15,669
You know what? I don't need this.
1611
01:10:15,753 --> 01:10:17,004
I don't need that.
1612
01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:18,547
I don't need any of it.
1613
01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:21,300
Let's see how far
your brownie recipe takes you.
1614
01:10:22,051 --> 01:10:24,595
I'm cutting you
loose and sailin' off!
1615
01:10:24,970 --> 01:10:26,931
I don't need you two
weighing me down!
1616
01:10:28,265 --> 01:10:29,433
Rachel!
1617
01:10:29,683 --> 01:10:30,684
Rachel?
1618
01:10:47,117 --> 01:10:49,912
You're the only one
that's gonna take care of you.
1619
01:10:50,537 --> 01:10:51,664
The only one.
1620
01:10:53,916 --> 01:10:55,876
[Stephan] Excuse me,
you can't just go in there!
1621
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:57,086
Watch me.
1622
01:10:58,045 --> 01:10:59,463
Hi, Ronald!
1623
01:10:59,630 --> 01:11:01,674
Ooh, I like your new bitches.
1624
01:11:02,299 --> 01:11:04,343
I saw you sniffing
around my bakery.
1625
01:11:04,426 --> 01:11:06,553
You looking to get into
the brownie business?
1626
01:11:06,637 --> 01:11:09,348
Why? Are you looking
to sell your business?
1627
01:11:09,431 --> 01:11:10,432
Why not?
1628
01:11:10,849 --> 01:11:14,186
I have no personal stakes in it.
It's just business to me.
1629
01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:16,355
And you've always liked
collecting my things.
1630
01:11:16,855 --> 01:11:18,065
[inhales deeply]
1631
01:11:20,693 --> 01:11:21,694
[low grunt]
1632
01:11:24,655 --> 01:11:27,157
Okay. And since this one's
coconut macadamia,
1633
01:11:27,241 --> 01:11:29,118
if you have a nut allergy,
I don't want you anywhere near...
1634
01:11:29,201 --> 01:11:31,954
-When's Michelle coming back?
-I don't know, Chrystal.
1635
01:11:32,037 --> 01:11:33,330
She's like our leader.
1636
01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:35,457
My mom's gonna run this place.
1637
01:11:35,541 --> 01:11:37,918
Yes, I will be
running the business
1638
01:11:38,168 --> 01:11:40,879
until Michelle
comes back, or...
1639
01:11:40,963 --> 01:11:43,590
[Stephan] Knock, knock.
Hi, it's Stephan!
1640
01:11:43,841 --> 01:11:47,928
Hi! I have a message from
the new owner of Darnell's Darlings,
1641
01:11:48,012 --> 01:11:49,430
Mr. Renault.
1642
01:11:49,680 --> 01:11:52,683
Uh, sorry, I think there's a mistake.
I'm one of the owners here.
1643
01:11:53,350 --> 01:11:55,311
This is an eviction notice.
1644
01:11:58,439 --> 01:11:59,648
She sold us out?
1645
01:12:00,524 --> 01:12:01,734
How could she do that?
1646
01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:03,235
Oh, she just did it.
1647
01:12:03,319 --> 01:12:05,988
Okay, let's kick this guy's ass!
Hey, shit brains!
1648
01:12:06,071 --> 01:12:07,156
Chrystal!
1649
01:12:07,239 --> 01:12:08,657
Protect me. Protect me.
1650
01:12:08,741 --> 01:12:11,160
This is not cowardice.
She's very tall!
1651
01:12:14,747 --> 01:12:16,874
Really wish you'd
let me kick his ass.
1652
01:12:28,510 --> 01:12:31,805
You know what?
It was a good business decision.
1653
01:12:32,806 --> 01:12:35,851
Don't start feelin' bad about good...
1654
01:12:37,478 --> 01:12:38,520
[sighs]
1655
01:12:38,604 --> 01:12:40,064
Good decisions.
1656
01:12:41,148 --> 01:12:43,609
Why would Michelle
do that to us?
1657
01:12:44,526 --> 01:12:46,195
I just don't get it.
1658
01:12:47,112 --> 01:12:48,447
[sobbing]
1659
01:12:48,739 --> 01:12:49,865
[Claire sighs]
1660
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:55,120
Well, you know, sweetie,
Michelle has got a lot of baggage.
1661
01:12:57,623 --> 01:12:59,166
She's an asshole.
1662
01:12:59,750 --> 01:13:01,126
Language.
1663
01:13:01,210 --> 01:13:02,211
Sorry.
1664
01:13:04,004 --> 01:13:07,383
But you're right.
She is an asshole.
1665
01:13:10,803 --> 01:13:13,305
Darnell, you are a real asshole.
1666
01:13:26,443 --> 01:13:27,486
[grunts]
1667
01:13:28,821 --> 01:13:30,114
Piece of shit.
1668
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:54,304
[sniffles]
1669
01:13:58,434 --> 01:13:59,560
[Claire] I know what I'm gonna do.
1670
01:13:59,643 --> 01:14:01,520
-I'm gonna sue the pants off her.
-Oh...
1671
01:14:01,603 --> 01:14:04,314
No, I'm not because
she'll throw too many lawyers at me
1672
01:14:04,398 --> 01:14:06,483
and she's a shark in court.
1673
01:14:06,775 --> 01:14:08,819
Yeah. This is a test.
1674
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,238
You want me to kill her
with this bagel knife.
1675
01:14:11,321 --> 01:14:12,448
-And I'll do it.
-[chuckles]
1676
01:14:12,531 --> 01:14:15,033
To pledge my
allegiance to you, milady, I'll do it.
1677
01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618
No. Thank you.
1678
01:14:18,078 --> 01:14:19,455
Ooh, you guys are kissing.
1679
01:14:19,705 --> 01:14:22,040
-Heya, Rachel! Hi. How are you?
-Hi.
1680
01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,126
-Did you sleep over?
-[Claire] Oh, God, no.
1681
01:14:24,209 --> 01:14:26,420
-What, have a sleepover here? Ew.
-No, he didn't.
1682
01:14:26,503 --> 01:14:27,921
[blows raspberry]
Yuck! No, that would be terrible.
1683
01:14:28,005 --> 01:14:29,006
I don't know about "yuck".
1684
01:14:29,131 --> 01:14:30,215
I don't mean "yuck." I meant...
1685
01:14:30,299 --> 01:14:32,050
-[Claire] Don't know if it'll...
-[Mike] I mean...
1686
01:14:32,134 --> 01:14:33,969
-It could be nice.
-Might be nice.
1687
01:14:34,052 --> 01:14:36,096
-It's nice for people to spend the night.
-We don't know yet.
1688
01:14:36,180 --> 01:14:38,056
-We don't know yet.
-We don't know yet.
1689
01:14:38,599 --> 01:14:40,726
Would you please
grab some more garbage bags?
1690
01:14:40,809 --> 01:14:42,478
We have a lot of trash.
1691
01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:43,687
Yeah.
1692
01:14:44,062 --> 01:14:45,647
Why did I make that so weird?
1693
01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:46,857
-It's fine.
-Didn't have to.
1694
01:14:46,940 --> 01:14:48,901
-Didn't have to make it that weird.
-[gasps]
1695
01:14:49,401 --> 01:14:51,695
-Holy shit!
-[Claire] Language!
1696
01:14:52,821 --> 01:14:54,239
Holy shit!
1697
01:14:54,406 --> 01:14:55,616
Uh...
1698
01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:59,161
This is all seeming
probably so much
1699
01:14:59,286 --> 01:15:02,164
stranger than what I had intended.
1700
01:15:02,247 --> 01:15:05,083
I'm sorry to
startle you, Rachel.
1701
01:15:05,167 --> 01:15:07,252
What are you doing in my closet?
1702
01:15:07,336 --> 01:15:09,880
Well, uh, to give you the whole...
1703
01:15:09,963 --> 01:15:12,633
I thought I have a great idea
1704
01:15:12,716 --> 01:15:16,178
to surprise you with an apology,
1705
01:15:16,261 --> 01:15:18,764
and my sincere "I'm sorry."
1706
01:15:18,931 --> 01:15:22,184
So I let myself in,
in the middle of the night.
1707
01:15:22,267 --> 01:15:24,520
So once I was actually
waiting here in the dark,
1708
01:15:24,603 --> 01:15:27,356
and you were getting
up for the morning, I thought, "Uh-oh.
1709
01:15:27,439 --> 01:15:29,858
This could seem
kind of threatening and menacing."
1710
01:15:29,942 --> 01:15:34,404
And I panicked a little bit
and just darted into the closet.
1711
01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:39,493
So, surprise! I'm sorry.
1712
01:15:39,701 --> 01:15:43,163
And, dang it,
I shouldn't have sold that company.
1713
01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:46,124
I think we're done. Okay, well...
1714
01:15:46,333 --> 01:15:49,670
You know... So thank you, I guess,
for breaking into my home.
1715
01:15:49,753 --> 01:15:51,255
I said I was sorry.
1716
01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:53,465
Great. We heard you. Okay.
1717
01:15:53,549 --> 01:15:55,384
-I apologized.
-I heard you.
1718
01:15:55,467 --> 01:15:56,760
There's the door.
1719
01:16:01,265 --> 01:16:02,558
You sold us out.
1720
01:16:03,392 --> 01:16:04,476
Yeah, I did.
1721
01:16:05,352 --> 01:16:09,314
I sold you out.
And I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
1722
01:16:09,398 --> 01:16:14,236
And I'm hoping, somehow,
you can forgive me.
1723
01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:15,988
And I just wanna
throw it out there
1724
01:16:16,071 --> 01:16:19,408
that I have completely
forgiven you, Claire,
1725
01:16:19,491 --> 01:16:23,245
for trying to
sell me out first with Renault so...
1726
01:16:23,954 --> 01:16:25,956
What are you talking about?
1727
01:16:26,039 --> 01:16:27,082
I saw you.
1728
01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:31,378
Okay? I saw you and Ronald
outside the bakery.
1729
01:16:31,461 --> 01:16:32,796
He was smelling your hand
1730
01:16:32,879 --> 01:16:35,257
-and I know what that means, okay?
-[scoffs]
1731
01:16:35,340 --> 01:16:38,093
I mean, he has smelled
many of my parts,
1732
01:16:39,344 --> 01:16:42,598
and I have smelled
many of his parts.
1733
01:16:43,181 --> 01:16:46,143
I was telling Renault
that I'm not willing
1734
01:16:46,226 --> 01:16:51,106
to sell him a single, solitary brownie,
let alone my entire company.
1735
01:16:51,648 --> 01:16:53,025
[stammering]
1736
01:16:53,108 --> 01:16:55,068
That's a mix-up, huh?
1737
01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:59,948
Michelle, I would never in a million years
do that to you, okay?
1738
01:17:00,032 --> 01:17:03,118
You know... I mean, God.
What goes on in your brain?
1739
01:17:03,201 --> 01:17:04,286
I don't know.
1740
01:17:04,661 --> 01:17:08,040
I mean, I don't have a lot of,
1741
01:17:09,666 --> 01:17:13,629
you know, experience
or a reference point for...
1742
01:17:14,129 --> 01:17:17,215
I didn't have a family,
or a mom, or a dad.
1743
01:17:17,299 --> 01:17:21,511
And I totally get it
if you never talk to me again.
1744
01:17:21,928 --> 01:17:24,640
So I don't want you
to feel bad about that.
1745
01:17:24,723 --> 01:17:27,809
I just wanted you to know that
I think you're very nice people.
1746
01:17:28,352 --> 01:17:30,479
Great people, actually.
1747
01:17:30,562 --> 01:17:34,566
You're the closest
thing to a family I've ever had.
1748
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:39,446
And I'm real sorry
I screwed that up.
1749
01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:43,367
I'm gonna miss you, Michelle.
1750
01:17:46,036 --> 01:17:47,037
[Mike] Should I go?
1751
01:17:48,330 --> 01:17:50,374
I think I should go.
1752
01:17:50,624 --> 01:17:51,917
-Oh, my God.
-It's an awkward time for me
1753
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,669
to just be,
like, creeping around in the background.
1754
01:17:53,752 --> 01:17:55,671
I had no idea you were still here.
1755
01:17:55,754 --> 01:17:57,339
-Should I go, or should I...
-No, you're fine.
1756
01:17:57,422 --> 01:17:58,882
I do not like what you did.
1757
01:17:59,591 --> 01:18:03,428
I do not like it! And I do not like it.
1758
01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:05,931
She really
doesn't like it, guys.
1759
01:18:08,016 --> 01:18:09,017
You know, I...
1760
01:18:09,810 --> 01:18:14,356
If anyone's curious,
I do think I know how to fix this.
1761
01:18:15,232 --> 01:18:18,068
I signed that
contract with Renault late Friday night.
1762
01:18:18,151 --> 01:18:21,154
I wanna remind
you I was wounded, I was a little tipsy.
1763
01:18:21,238 --> 01:18:22,823
-[Claire] Oh, God.
-Okay.
1764
01:18:23,281 --> 01:18:26,535
And it's Sunday.
No one will be in his offices.
1765
01:18:26,618 --> 01:18:28,995
Plus, he can't file
for a corporate change of ownership
1766
01:18:29,079 --> 01:18:30,914
until tomorrow morning.
1767
01:18:31,206 --> 01:18:32,582
I can get in there tonight,
1768
01:18:32,666 --> 01:18:35,752
I can get that contract,
and I can take our company back.
1769
01:18:35,836 --> 01:18:37,295
Wait, what do you
mean "get the contract"?
1770
01:18:37,379 --> 01:18:39,923
He must have scanned and emailed it
100 times by now.
1771
01:18:40,006 --> 01:18:42,384
No, no, no. Anybody else,
yes, but not him.
1772
01:18:42,467 --> 01:18:45,679
Ronald is completely paranoid
about being hacked. Okay?
1773
01:18:45,762 --> 01:18:50,267
He has no cell phones,
no emails. He leaves no digital trail.
1774
01:18:50,350 --> 01:18:52,644
Claire knows this.
He's all old-school pen and paper.
1775
01:18:52,728 --> 01:18:54,104
It's the samurai way.
1776
01:18:54,604 --> 01:18:57,399
Okay, I'm in. Let's do this. I'm in.
1777
01:18:57,482 --> 01:18:58,734
[Claire] Why would you be in?
1778
01:18:58,817 --> 01:19:00,235
[Mike] What do you mean why would I be in?
1779
01:19:00,318 --> 01:19:02,696
You've been talking all morning about
how you wanted to get your company back.
1780
01:19:02,779 --> 01:19:05,532
And you guys are
gonna need help, and I'm a helpful guy.
1781
01:19:05,949 --> 01:19:07,284
How's that for a reason?
1782
01:19:07,951 --> 01:19:09,286
You're gonna get rewarded for that.
1783
01:19:09,369 --> 01:19:11,455
[Mike] Well, that's not why I did it.
1784
01:19:11,955 --> 01:19:13,999
-I'm in, too.
-[Michelle] No, Claire.
1785
01:19:14,082 --> 01:19:16,168
This is my fault and I'm gonna fix it.
1786
01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:19,546
Michelle, this is my decision.
And I want our company back.
1787
01:19:19,629 --> 01:19:21,131
Yes, Claire.
1788
01:19:21,214 --> 01:19:23,133
All right, let's fuck this shit up.
1789
01:19:23,216 --> 01:19:25,302
-Language.
-Sorry. I'm sorry.
1790
01:19:26,094 --> 01:19:27,596
I need to get a sitter.
1791
01:19:28,263 --> 01:19:29,514
Yeah, you do.
1792
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:34,060
[Michelle] As soon as we get out,
I want you to grab the gasoline,
1793
01:19:34,144 --> 01:19:35,520
some rags, and torch the van.
1794
01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:36,688
[Mike] What are you talking about?
1795
01:19:36,772 --> 01:19:38,190
I rented the van.
It's on my credit card.
1796
01:19:38,273 --> 01:19:39,524
You go down, you go down alone.
1797
01:19:39,608 --> 01:19:41,234
How would we even get home?
1798
01:19:41,318 --> 01:19:43,111
That's a good point. MVP, Claire.
1799
01:19:43,195 --> 01:19:46,615
Uh-oh. There's no door handle back here.
There's absolutely... Oh.
1800
01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:48,700
-Thank you, Claire.
-[clears throat]
1801
01:19:49,075 --> 01:19:51,244
Okay. I still don't
think you should be here.
1802
01:19:51,328 --> 01:19:52,537
But if we get caught,
1803
01:19:52,621 --> 01:19:54,831
I want you to tell
the police that I forced you here by gun.
1804
01:19:54,915 --> 01:19:56,082
You gotta watch out for Rachel.
1805
01:19:56,166 --> 01:19:58,001
Okay. You don't have
a gun, though, right?
1806
01:19:58,084 --> 01:19:59,961
-What am I, a thug?
-Okay.
1807
01:20:00,045 --> 01:20:02,631
[Mike] You are such a badass!
This is gonna be amazing!
1808
01:20:02,714 --> 01:20:04,966
Also, by the way, guys,
I was googling jail sentences.
1809
01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:07,260
Since none of us
are actually armed, minimal jail time.
1810
01:20:09,763 --> 01:20:11,890
Oops. Just excuse me for one minute.
1811
01:20:11,973 --> 01:20:14,267
-[gasps] Michelle!
-Well, it's a collector's item.
1812
01:20:14,976 --> 01:20:15,977
Ditch it.
1813
01:20:17,354 --> 01:20:18,855
Chuckin' a gun
in a garbage can. That's smart.
1814
01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:19,898
-What?
-Oh, my God.
1815
01:20:19,981 --> 01:20:22,192
Okay! I know it was wrong.
I self-corrected.
1816
01:20:22,275 --> 01:20:24,152
No, you didn't.
I just asked you to throw...
1817
01:20:24,236 --> 01:20:26,530
Well, you made me
throw it away. Okay.
1818
01:20:27,489 --> 01:20:29,407
Okay, there it is.
Renault Enterprises.
1819
01:20:30,617 --> 01:20:32,452
[Michelle] The contract is probably
in his private office,
1820
01:20:32,619 --> 01:20:34,454
which is at the top
of the building.
1821
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,540
I'm guessing there's a safe,
could be in the wall.
1822
01:20:36,623 --> 01:20:38,834
Could be behind
one of those creepy paintings.
1823
01:20:38,917 --> 01:20:40,794
There's one guard
on duty tonight.
1824
01:20:40,877 --> 01:20:42,504
Mike, I need you to
distract the guard
1825
01:20:42,587 --> 01:20:45,382
while Claire lumbers in,
and I follow behind like a cougar.
1826
01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:47,592
Okay, next, we head upstairs.
1827
01:20:47,676 --> 01:20:49,135
Claire, I'm gonna give you a head start
1828
01:20:49,219 --> 01:20:51,513
'cause I'm gonna
take those motherfuckers ten at a time.
1829
01:20:51,596 --> 01:20:54,182
You stand there with your mouth
hangin' open, and pointin',
1830
01:20:54,266 --> 01:20:55,976
and I'll slide into home base.
1831
01:20:57,060 --> 01:20:59,437
Mike, I need you to
distract the guard
1832
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:01,189
by coming from the east,
turning him around,
1833
01:21:01,273 --> 01:21:03,650
so when we approach,
while you're sucking his dick,
1834
01:21:03,733 --> 01:21:06,486
we can get right past him.
So under no circumstances...
1835
01:21:06,570 --> 01:21:08,113
I'm sucking his what?
1836
01:21:08,196 --> 01:21:09,322
You're sucking his dick.
1837
01:21:09,531 --> 01:21:11,116
-I'm sucking his dick?
-Oh.
1838
01:21:11,199 --> 01:21:12,617
[Michelle] Well, I'm not
gonna suck his dick.
1839
01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:15,245
I'm the brains behind it.
The brains never sucks the dick.
1840
01:21:15,328 --> 01:21:17,622
-Why am I sucking his dick?
-I don't wanna suck his dick!
1841
01:21:17,706 --> 01:21:19,499
Claire doesn't
wanna suck his dick!
1842
01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:22,085
How 'bout none of us
suck that man's penis?
1843
01:21:22,168 --> 01:21:23,545
Yeah, what if
nobody sucks his dick?
1844
01:21:23,628 --> 01:21:24,754
No dick suckin'.
1845
01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,674
Well, I worked on
that plan a long time.
1846
01:21:27,757 --> 01:21:29,759
Fine. Fine, let's go to plan B.
1847
01:21:29,843 --> 01:21:31,219
[Mike] Yeah, that sounds good.
1848
01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:34,055
If you're gonna be a baby
and not suck dick, that's fine with me.
1849
01:21:44,733 --> 01:21:45,734
[groaning]
1850
01:21:47,652 --> 01:21:49,404
-[Kenny] Hey, there.
-Hey! How you doing?
1851
01:21:49,487 --> 01:21:53,325
Is this 9800 Michigan?
I'm late for a birthday party.
1852
01:21:53,408 --> 01:21:55,035
No, this is 9900.
1853
01:21:55,118 --> 01:21:56,703
-This is 9900?
-Yeah.
1854
01:21:56,786 --> 01:21:57,913
-Well, wouldn't you know it?
-Yeah.
1855
01:21:57,996 --> 01:22:00,373
Why are you dressed like that?
What are you dressed as?
1856
01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:01,499
I'm glad you asked me.
1857
01:22:01,583 --> 01:22:04,419
I am actually a demon.
I'm a phoenix.
1858
01:22:04,669 --> 01:22:05,754
[snickering]
1859
01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:07,839
Pretty cool, right?
1860
01:22:08,381 --> 01:22:09,424
Are you into demons?
1861
01:22:09,925 --> 01:22:12,010
Yeah. I know a fair amount.
1862
01:22:12,093 --> 01:22:13,178
[Kenny] That is very cool.
1863
01:22:13,303 --> 01:22:14,930
[Mike] You can touch
the feathers if you want.
1864
01:22:15,013 --> 01:22:17,349
Yeah, a lot of
people don't know that. It was a demon.
1865
01:22:17,432 --> 01:22:20,435
It's actually
pronounced Quetzalcóatl.
1866
01:22:20,518 --> 01:22:21,853
[whispering] He's
talking too much.
1867
01:22:21,937 --> 01:22:24,356
He'd be a lot quieter
with a penis in his mouth.
1868
01:22:24,898 --> 01:22:26,066
-I'm into demons.
-You are?
1869
01:22:26,149 --> 01:22:27,275
-Yeah.
-I think you said that.
1870
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:29,069
I really am. I do
a lot of fantasy role-play.
1871
01:22:29,152 --> 01:22:30,570
That's so weird.
1872
01:22:30,654 --> 01:22:32,447
Yeah, gets a
little boring in here sometimes.
1873
01:22:32,530 --> 01:22:34,199
-I bet.
-I whistle.
1874
01:22:34,574 --> 01:22:36,201
-You whistle?
-I whistle a lot in here.
1875
01:22:36,284 --> 01:22:37,410
-Let's hear some.
-Yeah.
1876
01:22:37,494 --> 01:22:39,037
[whistling]
1877
01:22:42,624 --> 01:22:44,125
Why is that one whistling?
1878
01:22:46,294 --> 01:22:47,671
Just kind of holding that one note.
1879
01:22:47,754 --> 01:22:49,339
Yeah, I like to do that.
I like to play with
1880
01:22:49,422 --> 01:22:51,132
bars and structures,
things like that.
1881
01:22:51,216 --> 01:22:53,051
[Mike] You got a real hefty
lung capacity there.
1882
01:22:53,134 --> 01:22:54,636
I never got your name.
1883
01:22:54,719 --> 01:22:58,014
-Yeah, it's... It's Jim. Jimberly.
-Jim?
1884
01:22:58,306 --> 01:23:00,266
-Jimberly?
-Jimberly Stevenson.
1885
01:23:00,350 --> 01:23:01,768
[Mike yelling]
1886
01:23:02,018 --> 01:23:03,228
What's going on?
1887
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:06,272
It's a cramp! God, I got a cramp!
1888
01:23:06,356 --> 01:23:07,273
Kenny!
1889
01:23:07,357 --> 01:23:08,900
All right. I can help you. I can help you.
1890
01:23:09,275 --> 01:23:11,528
-It's in the quad! No, it's in the quad.
-Right here? Right here?
1891
01:23:11,611 --> 01:23:13,071
That's the top.
That's the top.
1892
01:23:13,154 --> 01:23:14,239
[Kenny] Okay? Right there?
1893
01:23:14,322 --> 01:23:16,616
[Mike] That's a little too close
to the groin, Kenny. That's a no-fly zone.
1894
01:23:16,700 --> 01:23:18,410
-All right? How's that?
-Jelly. Back to square one.
1895
01:23:18,493 --> 01:23:19,953
-We're good?
-Yup! Yup, yup.
1896
01:23:20,036 --> 01:23:21,496
-I don't wanna overdo it.
-Phew.
1897
01:23:22,622 --> 01:23:24,165
Okay. Well, hey.
1898
01:23:24,249 --> 01:23:25,875
-Kenny, you're one of the good ones, man.
-Yeah.
1899
01:23:25,959 --> 01:23:27,502
Yeah, not a lot of guys
would do that for another guy.
1900
01:23:27,585 --> 01:23:29,337
-I'll do it for you.
-Thanks, man.
1901
01:23:29,421 --> 01:23:31,214
-But we'll hang. We'll do it.
-Yeah, we'll totally hang.
1902
01:23:31,297 --> 01:23:32,716
No big deal, buddy.
All right, have a good one.
1903
01:23:32,799 --> 01:23:33,967
Bye, Jimberly.
1904
01:23:35,343 --> 01:23:37,595
That's an odd choice
for a lobby sculpture.
1905
01:23:37,679 --> 01:23:39,014
He's an odd guy.
1906
01:23:39,097 --> 01:23:41,266
You know, they say
he killed a man in Costa Rica.
1907
01:23:41,933 --> 01:23:42,934
What?
1908
01:23:47,564 --> 01:23:48,565
Oh, Jesus.
1909
01:23:49,065 --> 01:23:53,361
Jimberly. "J", "J".
1910
01:23:53,820 --> 01:23:55,739
Maybe it's "J-Y-M."
1911
01:23:56,322 --> 01:23:58,033
What the fuck?
There's no Jimberlys.
1912
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:00,493
Okay, well, where is it?
1913
01:24:00,577 --> 01:24:03,663
I'm sorry,
I was a little tipsy last time I was here.
1914
01:24:03,747 --> 01:24:04,956
[elevator dings]
1915
01:24:05,457 --> 01:24:06,499
-Oh.
-[gasps]
1916
01:24:06,583 --> 01:24:08,752
-Oh, God!
-Oh, my God. Guys, check us out!
1917
01:24:08,835 --> 01:24:11,046
We're total burglars.
We burgle. We're burgling!
1918
01:24:11,129 --> 01:24:12,547
[both laughing]
1919
01:24:16,217 --> 01:24:18,261
I feel like this is going great.
1920
01:24:18,344 --> 01:24:21,806
Michelle, you brought
trash bags, baby wipes, shower gel.
1921
01:24:21,890 --> 01:24:24,142
Do you actually think
we're gonna need rope?
1922
01:24:26,227 --> 01:24:29,731
Come on! Every story
about a burglar always involves rope.
1923
01:24:29,814 --> 01:24:31,149
-That's true.
-It's in all the movies.
1924
01:24:31,232 --> 01:24:33,401
I am a mogul,
not a cat burglar.
1925
01:24:33,485 --> 01:24:35,528
I'm also the only one
that thought to bring provisions.
1926
01:24:36,404 --> 01:24:37,989
[Mike] Michelle, stop!
I forgot, I'm sorry.
1927
01:24:38,782 --> 01:24:41,159
I stole the guard's
keycard while he was massaging me.
1928
01:24:41,242 --> 01:24:42,494
-[chuckling]
-You stole his key?
1929
01:24:42,702 --> 01:24:43,703
Yeah. Okay.
1930
01:24:47,207 --> 01:24:48,750
[Mike] Somebody loves
Mortal Kombat.
1931
01:24:48,833 --> 01:24:50,418
[Claire] Let's just find
the contract and get outta here.
1932
01:24:50,502 --> 01:24:51,920
-Okay.
-I bet you he put it in his panic room.
1933
01:24:52,003 --> 01:24:53,463
That's what I'd do
if I had a panic room.
1934
01:24:53,546 --> 01:24:55,548
It's probably voice-activated,
high-tech stuff in here.
1935
01:24:55,632 --> 01:24:56,674
Open desk.
1936
01:24:56,758 --> 01:24:58,384
-Yeah. Open desk!
-[Claire] Open...
1937
01:24:58,468 --> 01:24:59,969
No, it was just manual.
1938
01:25:01,721 --> 01:25:05,642
I got it! In his desk drawer,
in a file marked "Darnell."
1939
01:25:05,725 --> 01:25:07,977
Probably overthought
that one. It's classic Mike.
1940
01:25:08,061 --> 01:25:10,063
-[Mike] I do that a lot.
-Let's go!
1941
01:25:10,146 --> 01:25:12,273
[Renault] Son of a bitch, Stephan!
You left the door open!
1942
01:25:13,900 --> 01:25:14,901
Oh.
1943
01:25:15,610 --> 01:25:16,986
Well, who do we have here?
1944
01:25:17,779 --> 01:25:21,616
Michelle Darnell,
the baker, and Quetzalcóatl.
1945
01:25:21,699 --> 01:25:23,868
That is impressive.
I mean, you gotta give him that.
1946
01:25:24,077 --> 01:25:25,703
I'm not even wearing the mask.
1947
01:25:26,204 --> 01:25:29,207
That wouldn't be our contract
you're holding, would it, Michelle?
1948
01:25:29,499 --> 01:25:32,293
You wouldn't be foolish
enough to back out of our plan, would you?
1949
01:25:32,377 --> 01:25:35,088
You know what?
It was never her company to sell.
1950
01:25:35,171 --> 01:25:38,174
-I own 50% of it, so...
-[Renault] Yeah.
1951
01:25:38,258 --> 01:25:40,885
-I may have fudged the initial paperwork.
-You what?
1952
01:25:40,969 --> 01:25:42,303
-But I am sorry.
-So, I'm not...
1953
01:25:42,387 --> 01:25:43,388
-And I will rectify...
-Michelle!
1954
01:25:43,471 --> 01:25:45,348
You will be.
You will be. I'm sorry.
1955
01:25:45,431 --> 01:25:48,810
I wonder, how should
I approach this?
1956
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:56,484
Call the proper
authorities and turn you in?
1957
01:25:56,818 --> 01:25:59,154
Or we could just
talk it out amongst ourselves.
1958
01:25:59,904 --> 01:26:01,948
Do you know what
the fascinating thing is
1959
01:26:02,073 --> 01:26:04,117
about the Japanese martial arts?
1960
01:26:05,451 --> 01:26:06,661
The discipline.
1961
01:26:06,828 --> 01:26:08,163
[inhales deeply] Ya!
1962
01:26:09,205 --> 01:26:10,498
The integrity.
1963
01:26:14,252 --> 01:26:15,587
The loyalty.
1964
01:26:17,839 --> 01:26:20,466
Okay, okay, stop! I'll do it.
1965
01:26:21,676 --> 01:26:23,219
-I'll suck your dick.
-What?
1966
01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:24,554
[Mike] I don't wanna do it,
1967
01:26:24,637 --> 01:26:27,015
but if you promise
not to hurt anybody in this room,
1968
01:26:27,098 --> 01:26:28,266
I'll suck your dick.
1969
01:26:28,349 --> 01:26:30,059
Mike, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1970
01:26:30,143 --> 01:26:31,477
-Oh, my God. Mike, no.
-What?
1971
01:26:31,561 --> 01:26:33,188
-You don't want me to suck his dick?
-No.
1972
01:26:33,271 --> 01:26:35,356
Wrong dick, wrong time, Mike.
1973
01:26:35,440 --> 01:26:36,441
-Wrong dick.
-Wrong dick.
1974
01:26:36,524 --> 01:26:37,901
It was supposed to be
the security guy's dick.
1975
01:26:37,984 --> 01:26:39,694
I was trying to be a team player.
1976
01:26:39,777 --> 01:26:41,571
Real eager, Claire.
It's a red flag.
1977
01:26:41,654 --> 01:26:42,739
I don't like sucking dicks.
1978
01:26:42,822 --> 01:26:43,990
It's not my business.
1979
01:26:44,073 --> 01:26:45,408
[Renault] Nobody's sucking my dick.
1980
01:26:45,491 --> 01:26:46,618
[Claire] Fair enough.
1981
01:26:46,701 --> 01:26:49,495
Well, that's the first
time I've heard you say that, but...
1982
01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:50,580
I'm going to plan B,
1983
01:26:50,663 --> 01:26:52,248
my tongue has
always been my sword.
1984
01:26:52,415 --> 01:26:53,416
[Mike] Okay.
1985
01:26:55,084 --> 01:26:57,086
Put the knife away, Ronald.
1986
01:26:57,378 --> 01:26:59,881
It's not a knife.
It's a katana.
1987
01:27:00,048 --> 01:27:01,132
Katana.
1988
01:27:01,299 --> 01:27:04,844
You're not gonna cut
anyone with that knife and we all know it.
1989
01:27:05,136 --> 01:27:06,137
[gasps]
1990
01:27:06,221 --> 01:27:07,388
[Mike] Oh, shit!
1991
01:27:07,472 --> 01:27:09,849
Big bird, blondie,
over there! Go! Scoot!
1992
01:27:09,933 --> 01:27:11,351
[Mike] Okay. All right, easy!
1993
01:27:12,810 --> 01:27:13,853
[groans]
1994
01:27:13,937 --> 01:27:14,938
Oh, shit.
1995
01:27:16,314 --> 01:27:18,483
Are you crazy, Ron? I'm bleeding!
1996
01:27:18,733 --> 01:27:20,151
Give me back what's mine.
1997
01:27:20,235 --> 01:27:21,486
[both grunting]
1998
01:27:21,569 --> 01:27:22,779
Michelle!
1999
01:27:24,197 --> 01:27:25,990
-Oh, hello, old friend!
-Get off!
2000
01:27:26,574 --> 01:27:27,784
Oh, God, I've missed this.
2001
01:27:27,867 --> 01:27:30,328
God, you keep that shit tight. No!
2002
01:27:30,787 --> 01:27:31,788
[grunting]
2003
01:27:32,538 --> 01:27:33,998
[Claire] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
2004
01:27:34,082 --> 01:27:35,250
Michelle, get up! Get up!
2005
01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:36,334
[groaning]
2006
01:27:37,585 --> 01:27:38,711
[Mike] Just get up.
2007
01:27:39,462 --> 01:27:40,922
[Michelle] Okay, let's be reasonable.
2008
01:27:41,047 --> 01:27:43,299
You know, I'm sure we
can come to some kind of an agreement.
2009
01:27:43,383 --> 01:27:44,550
Oh, we're past that point.
2010
01:27:44,634 --> 01:27:47,095
For the first time in my life,
I'm trying to do the right thing!
2011
01:27:47,178 --> 01:27:50,598
This is not about me and you!
You don't even want our company!
2012
01:27:50,682 --> 01:27:54,227
That's true, but you screwed me
over 25 years ago, you bitch.
2013
01:27:54,978 --> 01:27:56,646
I thought sending you
to prison would help,
2014
01:27:56,896 --> 01:27:59,941
but cutting you to ribbons
is the only way I'll get satisfaction!
2015
01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:01,401
[grunts]
2016
01:28:02,068 --> 01:28:03,236
-Had enough?
-[grunting]
2017
01:28:03,987 --> 01:28:05,196
Shit.
2018
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:07,740
-Oh, check this out.
-[Michelle] Fucking psycho!
2019
01:28:09,784 --> 01:28:10,785
[grunting]
2020
01:28:11,327 --> 01:28:12,328
Back up.
2021
01:28:12,829 --> 01:28:14,163
[yelling]
2022
01:28:14,497 --> 01:28:15,498
Look at that!
2023
01:28:15,915 --> 01:28:17,750
Just a figure eight.
It's like double Dutch!
2024
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:20,086
-That's not how you do it.
-Yeah, looks like I'm doing it.
2025
01:28:20,336 --> 01:28:22,422
Look at that.
I can bob, somebody can weave.
2026
01:28:22,505 --> 01:28:24,632
You see this shit. Ow! God!
2027
01:28:28,052 --> 01:28:29,721
Huh? Twelve years of baton.
2028
01:28:29,804 --> 01:28:31,514
Everybody likes to
make fun of the baton girls.
2029
01:28:31,597 --> 01:28:33,975
Seven, eight,
one, two, three, four...
2030
01:28:37,186 --> 01:28:38,187
[gasping]
2031
01:28:38,271 --> 01:28:39,605
Just give him the contract!
2032
01:28:39,689 --> 01:28:42,191
No! I'm getting
our company back!
2033
01:28:42,900 --> 01:28:44,152
[both grunting]
2034
01:28:51,993 --> 01:28:53,036
[screams]
2035
01:28:53,536 --> 01:28:56,122
[exclaiming]
I will cut you in your white meat!
2036
01:28:56,289 --> 01:28:57,498
-What?
-Oh, my God.
2037
01:28:58,124 --> 01:28:59,125
Ha!
2038
01:28:59,208 --> 01:29:00,752
Now we both have swords, huh?
2039
01:29:00,835 --> 01:29:01,961
What is happening?
2040
01:29:02,045 --> 01:29:03,463
Pretty fucking literal, Claire!
2041
01:29:03,546 --> 01:29:06,799
We're having a sword fight.
We're both fighting with swords.
2042
01:29:06,883 --> 01:29:09,385
I haven't been with another woman
since I've been with you.
2043
01:29:09,469 --> 01:29:12,388
Really? I've been
with hundreds of men.
2044
01:29:12,889 --> 01:29:14,015
You whore!
2045
01:29:14,307 --> 01:29:15,641
[grunting]
2046
01:29:19,604 --> 01:29:20,938
Oh, shit!
2047
01:29:23,816 --> 01:29:24,817
Claire!
2048
01:29:26,986 --> 01:29:28,654
-[Claire] Michelle, let's go!
-[Mike] Michelle, come on!
2049
01:29:28,738 --> 01:29:29,822
[both groaning]
2050
01:29:29,906 --> 01:29:31,449
It's been so long.
2051
01:29:32,825 --> 01:29:34,911
That's enough! It's too hot.
2052
01:29:37,622 --> 01:29:38,706
[barking]
2053
01:29:43,503 --> 01:29:45,296
Wait a minute!
Why are we running up?
2054
01:29:45,379 --> 01:29:47,548
I don't know, it was the only door.
I'm doing the best I can!
2055
01:29:47,632 --> 01:29:49,509
I should not be
running with a sword!
2056
01:29:50,426 --> 01:29:52,386
Okay, all right! Okay. All right.
There's gotta be a way down!
2057
01:29:52,470 --> 01:29:53,888
Get away from there.
Come here.
2058
01:29:53,971 --> 01:29:55,348
Michelle, I'm not
so good with heights, you know.
2059
01:29:55,431 --> 01:29:56,516
I'm feeling kind of tingly.
2060
01:29:56,599 --> 01:29:57,850
Claire, look at me.
You have been on
2061
01:29:57,934 --> 01:29:59,644
a helipad before and
it's gonna be fine.
2062
01:29:59,727 --> 01:30:02,063
Right. Right, but then
they weren't chasing us with swords!
2063
01:30:02,980 --> 01:30:06,192
You make a good point.
Claire, I'm sorry I got you into this.
2064
01:30:06,275 --> 01:30:07,610
[Renault] Michelle!
2065
01:30:07,693 --> 01:30:09,237
[Stephan] God, I need
to do more cardio.
2066
01:30:09,320 --> 01:30:11,447
Go over there.
Go over there! Be careful.
2067
01:30:12,365 --> 01:30:13,908
You left so suddenly.
2068
01:30:13,991 --> 01:30:16,911
Okay, let them go.
I'm the one you want.
2069
01:30:17,995 --> 01:30:20,790
You know, I killed
a man in Costa Rica with this sword.
2070
01:30:21,833 --> 01:30:25,128
I guess you would
call it my killing sword.
2071
01:30:25,795 --> 01:30:26,796
[shouting]
2072
01:30:26,879 --> 01:30:27,880
[both grunting]
2073
01:30:36,889 --> 01:30:39,809
-You're terrible in bed!
-I know.
2074
01:30:39,976 --> 01:30:41,018
[whimpering]
2075
01:30:41,227 --> 01:30:42,270
Oh, my God! Michelle!
2076
01:30:42,353 --> 01:30:44,147
Whoa. Honey! Let her go, Claire!
2077
01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:45,898
She's making
a fortune in heaven.
2078
01:30:47,150 --> 01:30:49,193
Hey, hey. Hey, smile!
2079
01:30:49,485 --> 01:30:51,696
Okay, everyone take it easy.
2080
01:30:51,779 --> 01:30:53,281
I've been filming
this the whole time.
2081
01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:56,200
Take the sword away from her
or I swear to God I'm gonna hit "send."
2082
01:30:56,659 --> 01:30:58,744
Yeah, you're not
gonna hit "send"
2083
01:30:58,870 --> 01:31:00,997
because I'm gonna
chop your hand off.
2084
01:31:01,080 --> 01:31:02,165
-[grunting]
-[Claire] No!
2085
01:31:02,248 --> 01:31:03,499
Oh, my God.
2086
01:31:03,583 --> 01:31:05,293
-Brother!
-[Renault] No!
2087
01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:08,671
Son of a...
[yells] Samurai!
2088
01:31:08,754 --> 01:31:09,881
Shut up!
2089
01:31:09,964 --> 01:31:12,800
Oh, thank goodness!
Michelle, are you all right?
2090
01:31:12,884 --> 01:31:13,968
[Michelle] I'm fine!
2091
01:31:14,218 --> 01:31:16,137
I'm about to feel much better.
2092
01:31:17,346 --> 01:31:18,723
-[Renault] No.
-Yes!
2093
01:31:19,223 --> 01:31:21,601
Be wrong to ask for your forgiveness?
2094
01:31:23,394 --> 01:31:24,604
It's Ron talking.
2095
01:31:26,063 --> 01:31:27,815
-Oh, Ron!
-I'm sorry.
2096
01:31:28,149 --> 01:31:31,194
Renault, do you
still need me to hold them at bay?
2097
01:31:33,571 --> 01:31:34,530
Oh, my God.
2098
01:31:34,780 --> 01:31:35,823
Come here.
2099
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:37,617
Ow.
2100
01:31:37,992 --> 01:31:38,993
Ow.
2101
01:31:40,369 --> 01:31:44,040
Michelle, don't make
out with the sociopath!
2102
01:31:44,498 --> 01:31:47,084
I know. You make a good point.
2103
01:31:47,585 --> 01:31:50,296
-But this is really good stuff.
-Victim here.
2104
01:31:50,713 --> 01:31:52,048
Michelle!
2105
01:31:54,008 --> 01:31:57,595
[Claire] Michelle! He literally
tried to kill you!
2106
01:31:57,678 --> 01:31:59,889
[Michelle] I know.
But his mouth didn't!
2107
01:32:07,355 --> 01:32:11,359
{\an8}[Michelle] Okay, okay!
Attention, everyone!
2108
01:32:11,442 --> 01:32:15,029
I just wanna say what a great first year
for the Darnell's Darlings.
2109
01:32:15,112 --> 01:32:18,324
And what a great
first house for Rachel and Claire.
2110
01:32:18,407 --> 01:32:19,742
[all cheering]
2111
01:32:19,825 --> 01:32:20,868
[Mike] Cheers!
2112
01:32:20,952 --> 01:32:24,956
Finally, they have a decent guestroom
so I can stay over when I get blasted.
2113
01:32:25,039 --> 01:32:26,916
-[Claire] Michelle.
-What's "blasted"?
2114
01:32:26,999 --> 01:32:29,001
I'll show you in about
three drinks. [laughing]
2115
01:32:29,168 --> 01:32:30,920
-No, she won't.
-[Michelle] I'm kidding.
2116
01:32:31,003 --> 01:32:32,505
But if I can,
2117
01:32:32,588 --> 01:32:34,298
can I take a serious
note for a minute,
2118
01:32:34,382 --> 01:32:37,009
and I just wanna
say I'm proud of you.
2119
01:32:37,093 --> 01:32:39,720
You've built a great family home here
for you and Rachel.
2120
01:32:39,804 --> 01:32:43,099
And I'm awfully glad
that I get to be a part of that. So.
2121
01:32:43,808 --> 01:32:44,976
Thank you, Michelle.
2122
01:32:45,059 --> 01:32:46,185
Thank you.
2123
01:32:46,310 --> 01:32:49,605
Oh, and thank you for the new sofa!
You really shouldn't have done that.
2124
01:32:49,897 --> 01:32:51,857
Oh, well, I should
have, though.
2125
01:32:51,941 --> 01:32:55,486
I mean, the old one was
very uncomfortable and very dangerous.
2126
01:32:55,569 --> 01:32:57,405
But don't worry.
I don't wanna hear it.
2127
01:32:57,488 --> 01:33:00,199
I did donate it to
just the right person.
2128
01:33:05,037 --> 01:33:06,289
[thudding]
2129
01:33:07,206 --> 01:33:08,374
Hannah!
2130
01:33:09,333 --> 01:33:11,752
Michelle Darnell
just sent us a sofa bed.
2131
01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:15,006
You know what I call that?
A victory. I win.
2132
01:33:15,631 --> 01:33:17,008
Whatever.
2133
01:33:18,551 --> 01:33:19,885
Oh, it is comfortable.
2134
01:33:22,346 --> 01:33:24,557
Ah. [chuckling]
2135
01:33:25,141 --> 01:33:26,267
It's comfortable...
2136
01:33:26,434 --> 01:33:27,435
[yelling]
2137
01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,354
Darnell!
2138
01:33:30,604 --> 01:33:31,939
[pop song playing]
2139
01:35:37,022 --> 01:35:39,150
I may have had
a little bit of your Scotch last night
2140
01:35:39,233 --> 01:35:42,278
and I got into
the most wonderful chip.
2141
01:35:42,361 --> 01:35:44,155
It was called a Dorito.
2142
01:35:44,280 --> 01:35:45,531
[both giggling]
2143
01:35:48,868 --> 01:35:51,579
I've had wonderful
Vermont ched...
2144
01:35:51,662 --> 01:35:53,080
[both giggling]
2145
01:35:53,956 --> 01:35:55,708
I'm so sorry. God, I'm a hack.
2146
01:35:56,000 --> 01:35:57,376
[Michelle] Hi, Rachel.
2147
01:35:57,460 --> 01:35:58,669
It's Rachel!
2148
01:35:58,752 --> 01:36:00,171
That's what I said.
2149
01:36:00,838 --> 01:36:01,881
[director] One more time.
2150
01:36:01,964 --> 01:36:03,174
[all giggling]
2151
01:36:03,799 --> 01:36:06,302
I'm an icon. I am not
a professional burger.
2152
01:36:06,802 --> 01:36:08,137
[laughing]
2153
01:36:09,972 --> 01:36:11,849
But I like burgers.
2154
01:36:12,224 --> 01:36:14,351
I took the guard's
keycard. Oh, fuck me.
2155
01:36:14,435 --> 01:36:16,645
I took the card
from the geek. What the fuck is it?
2156
01:36:16,729 --> 01:36:18,147
I took the guard's keycard.
2157
01:36:18,230 --> 01:36:19,356
I took the card from the geek.
2158
01:36:19,440 --> 01:36:20,983
[laughing] Oh, my God. Again.
2159
01:36:21,233 --> 01:36:22,234
Katana.
2160
01:36:22,568 --> 01:36:24,195
Oh, gosh. Sorry.
2161
01:36:24,904 --> 01:36:27,948
-[Claire] Stop picking up wood! Michelle!
-[crew laughing]
2162
01:36:32,745 --> 01:36:33,829
[director] Here we go.
2163
01:36:33,913 --> 01:36:35,164
Oh, God. I'm gonna pee my pants.
2164
01:36:36,624 --> 01:36:37,625
[bursts into laughter]
2165
01:36:37,708 --> 01:36:39,960
Oh, my God.
No. Please give me one more shot.
2166
01:36:41,212 --> 01:36:42,213
-You pop...
-[giggling]
2167
01:36:43,339 --> 01:36:45,716
When you left my life...
[stammering] Shit. Fuck.
2168
01:36:45,799 --> 01:36:48,469
What was that?
I should've been so...
2169
01:36:48,552 --> 01:36:50,888
Meryl Streep
would've just kept going.
2170
01:36:50,971 --> 01:36:53,724
I stand corrected.
Do you want some nuts?
2171
01:36:53,933 --> 01:36:55,142
[giggling]
2172
01:36:55,809 --> 01:36:58,646
So we can get to the elevators
while you're sucking his dick.
2173
01:36:58,812 --> 01:37:00,022
Wait. I'm sorry.
2174
01:37:00,105 --> 01:37:04,944
I'm so sorry. I saw it
coming from a mile away. I'm so sorry.
2175
01:37:05,611 --> 01:37:07,154
Okay. I can get in there.
2176
01:37:07,238 --> 01:37:09,990
I can get the contract
and I can take back our country.
2177
01:37:10,074 --> 01:37:11,242
[director] What do you mean "take..."
2178
01:37:11,325 --> 01:37:12,409
-God damn it. [giggling]
-[crew laughing]
2179
01:37:13,827 --> 01:37:16,789
I object to parolees
attending our meetings
2180
01:37:16,872 --> 01:37:18,749
and I'd like to
put that in the official transcreept...
2181
01:37:18,832 --> 01:37:20,000
[chuckling]
2182
01:37:20,167 --> 01:37:22,169
I made a good business...
2183
01:37:23,837 --> 01:37:26,715
You know what?
You made a good business...
2184
01:37:26,799 --> 01:37:30,803
Really? You fucking
kidding me? I can't say "decision."
2185
01:37:31,053 --> 01:37:32,346
-[Claire] Language, Michelle.
-Yeah.
2186
01:37:32,805 --> 01:37:33,973
Good night!
2187
01:37:34,139 --> 01:37:35,432
[crew laughing]
2188
01:37:35,558 --> 01:37:37,226
You think they'll
ever yell "cut"?
2189
01:37:37,768 --> 01:37:39,103
[laughing]
2190
01:37:39,270 --> 01:37:40,396
No.
2191
01:37:44,775 --> 01:37:47,611
[upbeat music playing]