1
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:10,652
That's not what I'm saying,
you imbecile.

2
00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,821
God, you completely
misrepresent my ideas!

3
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,156
Why am I even bothering
talking to such idiots?

4
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:17,493
- Boris, calm down.
- No, don't tell me to... I am calm.

5
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,828
Don't jump on us just because we
don't understand what you're saying.

6
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,038
I didn't jump on you.

7
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:25,375
It's not the idea behind Christianity
I'm faulting, or Judaism, or any religion.

8
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,920
It's the professionals who've
made it into a corporate business.

9
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,005
There's big money
in the God racket. Big money.

10
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,381
- Here we go.
- We know, Boris.

11
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,801
Hey, the basic teachings of Jesus
are quite wonderful.

12
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:37,429
So, by the way, is the original
intention of Karl Marx. Okay?

13
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:40,224
Hey, what could be bad?
Everybody should share equally.

14
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,519
Do unto others. Democracy.
Government by the people.

15
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,934
All great ideas.
These are all great ideas,

16
00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:49,108
but they all suffer
from one fatal flaw.

17
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,400
- Which is?
- Yeah, what's that?

18
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,779
Which is they're all based
on the fallacious notion...

19
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,698
that people are
fundamentally decent.

20
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:59,201
Give them a chance to do right
and they'll take it.

21
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:03,372
They're not stupid, selfish, greedy,
cowardly, short-sighted worms.

22
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,456
They do the best they can.

23
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,541
Speak for yourself, man.
Speak for yourself.

24
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:09,211
All I'm saying is that people make
life so much worse than it has to be...

25
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,880
and, believe me,
it's a nightmare without their help.

26
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:15,259
But on the whole,
I'm sorry to say, we're a failed species.

27
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,220
- I wouldn't go that far.
- Not Ed.

28
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,472
That's why this woman you like, Joe,

29
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:24,768
so what if she's an embalmer's assistant,
so she stinks from formaldehyde?

30
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:27,062
For Christ's sake, you got to take
what little pleasure you can find

31
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,438
in this chamber of horrors.

32
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:31,441
A little formaldehyde, okay,
but she reeks of it.

33
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:35,879
You know, they don't know your story.
Boris, tell them your story.

34
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:40,951
My story is, whatever works. You know,
as long as you don't hurt anybody.

35
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,703
Any way you can filch a little joy

36
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:47,416
in this cruel, dog-eat-dog, pointless,
black chaos. That's my story.

37
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:50,085
No. That's not... Tell them the story.

38
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,253
- Tell them.
- Yeah. Tell them.

39
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,589
You just want me to say it again,
so they can hear.

40
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,215
- Who?
- Them.

41
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,425
- Who?
- Who's them?

42
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,385
- You see something out there?
- Where?

43
00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,428
What are you? An imbecile?

44
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,929
There's an audience full of people
looking at us.

45
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,264
- An audience?
- What's he talking about?

46
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,974
You feel you're being watched.

47
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,934
They paid good money for tickets,
hard-earned money,

48
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:09,104
so some moron in Hollywood
can buy a bigger swimming pool.

49
00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:13,959
Okay, you're saying there are human beings
out there who bought tickets to watch us.

50
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,779
Well, mostly they're interested in me,
I have to say.

51
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,365
Yeah, they're just sitting there.
Don't you see them?

52
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:23,493
Some are eating popcorn,
some are just staring straight ahead

53
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:25,037
breathing through their mouths
like Neanderthals.

54
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,247
So they're there to listen to your story?

55
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:30,392
- Total delusions of grandeur.
- Completely.

56
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,836
Why would you want to hear my story?

57
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:36,398
Do we know each other?
Do we like each other?

58
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,885
Let me tell you right off, okay?

59
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:44,473
I'm not a likeable guy.
Charm has never been a priority with me.

60
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:48,810
And just so you know, this is not
the feel-good movie of the year.

61
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,146
So if you're one ofthose idiots
who needs to feel good,

62
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,898
go get yourself a foot massage.

63
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:56,501
- Mom, that man's talking to himself!
- Come away, Justin.

64
00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:01,339
What the hell does it all mean anyhow?
Nothing. Zero. Zilch.

65
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:05,869
Nothing comes to anything, and yet
there's no shortage of idiots to babble.

66
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:09,289
Not me. I have a vision.
I'm discussing you.

67
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,043
Your friends, your co-workers,
your newspapers, the TV.

68
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:16,255
Everybody's happy to talk,
full of misinformation.

69
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:20,092
Morality, science, religion, politics,
sports, love.

70
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:24,596
Your portfolio,
your children, health. Christ.

71
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,599
If I have to eat nine servings
offruits and vegetables a day to live,

72
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,727
I don't want to live.
I hate goddamn fruits and vegetables.

73
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:34,231
And your omega-3's
and the treadmill and the cardiogram

74
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,775
and the mammogram
and the pelvic sonogram

75
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,528
and, oh, my God, the colonoscopy!

76
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:43,156
And with it all, the day still comes
when they put you in a box

77
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,242
and it's on to the next
generation of idiots

78
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:50,122
who'll also tell you all about life
and define for you what's appropriate.

79
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:55,101
My father committed suicide because
the morning newspapers depressed him.

80
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,545
And could you blame him?

81
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,798
With the horror and corruption
and ignorance and poverty...

82
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,427
and genocide and AIDS and
global warming and terrorism...

83
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:07,447
and the family-value morons
and the gun morons!

84
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:12,894
"The horror", Kurtz said at the end
of Heart of Darkness". "The horror".

85
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,290
Lucky Kurtz didn't have the Times
delivered in the jungle,

86
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:17,274
then he'd see some horror.

87
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,608
But what do you do?

88
00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:20,485
You read about
some massacre in Darfur...

89
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:24,906
or some school bus gets blown up,
and you go, "Oh, my God, the horror!"

90
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:29,536
And then you turn the page and finish
your eggs from free-range chickens.

91
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:32,722
Because what can you do?
It's overwhelming.

92
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,642
I tried to commit suicide myself.

93
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,269
Obviously, it didn't work out.

94
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,007
But why'd you even wanna hear
about all this?

95
00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:42,090
Christ, you got your own problems.

96
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:46,386
I'm sure you're all obsessed with any
number of sad little hopes and dreams.

97
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:51,141
Your predictably unsatistying love lives.
Your failed business ventures.

98
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,477
"Oh, if only I'd bought that stock!"

99
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,772
"If only I had purchased
that house years ago!"

100
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,024
"If only I had made a move
on that woman".

101
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,710
Ifthis, ifthat. You know what?

102
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,613
Give me a break with your "could haves"
and "should haves".

103
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,239
Like my mother used to say,

104
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,326
"If my grandmother had wheels,
she'd be a trolley car".

105
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,662
My mother didn't have wheels.
She had varicose veins.

106
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:16,141
Still, the woman gave birth
to a brilliant mind.

107
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:19,294
I was considered
for a Nobel Prize in physics.

108
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,587
I didn't get it.

109
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:24,508
But, you know, it's all politics,
just like every other phony honor.

110
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:29,654
Incidentally, don't think I'm bitter
because of some personal setback.

111
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,971
By the standards of a mindless,
barbaric civilization,

112
00:06:32,972 --> 00:06:35,201
I've been pretty lucky.

113
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,980
I was married to a beautiful woman,
who had family money.

114
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:41,875
For years we lived on Beekman Place.

115
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,253
I taught at Columbia. String theory.

116
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,702
What's the matter, Boris?

117
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:53,787
I'm dying!

118
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,513
What is it?

119
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,707
I'm dying!

120
00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,000
Should I call an ambulance?

121
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:03,672
No! No, not now! No, not tonight!
I mean, eventually!

122
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,633
- Boris, everybody dies.
- It's unacceptable!

123
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:10,303
Your panic attacks are getting
more frequent and more intense.

124
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,013
You have to go back on your medicine.

125
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:13,974
I'm not going back
on my goddamn medicine.

126
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,642
I won't have my mind
befuddled by chemicals

127
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:18,270
when I'm the only one who sees
the whole picture for exactly what it is.

128
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,354
Where's the goddamn vodka?

129
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:20,939
Boris, I have clients to see
tomorrow morning.

130
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,401
- It is 4:00 a. m.!
- Clients. Right. Wealthy bankers.

131
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:28,655
To design their chic apartment, to fill it
full of art and expensive possessions,

132
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:29,948
so they can flaunt their money

133
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:34,536
and be in the top 1% ofthis shameful,
violent, prejudiced,

134
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:38,373
illiterate, sexually repressed,
self-righteous nation!

135
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:43,253
Christ, it is 4:00 a. m.
Can you spare me this sophomoric tirade!

136
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:46,923
I'm a man with a huge worldview.
I'm surrounded by microbes!

137
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:51,569
And what about me? Am I a microbe?
Is our son at Yale a microbe?

138
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:54,055
Let's face it, Jessica, okay?

139
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,641
Our marriage hasn't been
a garden of roses.

140
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,394
Botanically speaking,
you're more of a Venus flytrap.

141
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:02,397
You are a very difficult man to live with.

142
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:04,483
- Is that why you had an affeir?
- I didn't have an affeir.

143
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,986
It was a brief interlude of infidelity,
and it happened years ago.

144
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,155
You still can't forget it!

145
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,424
I see everything so clearly now.
Everything!

146
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:17,412
- I married you for all the wrong reasons.
- What's that supposed to mean?

147
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,582
You're brilliant.
I wanted someone to talk to.

148
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:24,544
You loved classical music, you loved art,
you loved literature.

149
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,630
You loved sex! You loved me!

150
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,423
Those sound like pretty good
reasons to me!

151
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:32,177
Yes! Exactly! That's the problem!
That's the problem!

152
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,846
It was rational, it made sense!

153
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,681
I don't know what went wrong.

154
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:40,060
When you examine it,
there is so much right about us.

155
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,161
On paper we're ideal.

156
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,292
But life isn't on paper.

157
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,921
Boris? Boris, what are you doing?

158
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,716
Close the window!

159
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,509
Boris!

160
00:08:57,119 --> 00:09:01,139
Can you believe I hit the canopy?
I hit the goddamn canopy.

161
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:05,126
Months in the hospital! Moron doctors!
Look. Look at this limp.

162
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:07,520
I never had a limp before.

163
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:11,633
Meanwhile, I divorced Jessica,
moved downtown and gave up.

164
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,653
I eke out a meager living teaching
chess to incompetent zombies.

165
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,138
Checkmate, you little patzer.

166
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,484
Hey! He's only 8 years old,
Mr. Yellnikoff.

167
00:09:19,485 --> 00:09:20,634
You're supposed to be
teaching him...

168
00:09:20,635 --> 00:09:23,661
He'll be
an incompetent idiot at 58.

169
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:29,167
More important than how I make my living,
is why I bother to live at all.

170
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,195
Nights, I have trouble sleeping
and hang out on Mott Street,

171
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:35,323
trying to explain to cretins that while
a black man got into the White House...

172
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:37,492
he still can't get a cab
in New York.

173
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,829
Almost 100 years
after the abolition of slavery,

174
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,541
a man couldn't play a game of
baseball in the big leagues...

175
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,125
if his skin color was black.

176
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,602
You're harping on one point.

177
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,006
Oh, good. Okay, forget blacks.
Take Jews.

178
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,132
- What?
- Here we go.

179
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,885
For years they restricted the number
of Jews in schools, medical schools.

180
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,923
In America, as much
as they hated blacks,

181
00:09:57,924 --> 00:10:00,073
they hate Jews even more.

182
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,927
Blacks they were scared
had too big a penis.

183
00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:03,810
Jews they hated,
even with little penises.

184
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,228
For God's sake,
I'm eating here.

185
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,606
You!
I've been looking for you.

186
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,316
- I wanna talk to you.
- Who are you?

187
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,911
Did you... did you pick up
a chessboard full of pieces...

188
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,863
and hit my son with it
at his lesson today?

189
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,573
That idiot's your son?

190
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,742
Do me a favor, don't send
that cretin to me anymore.

191
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,702
I can't teach
an empty-headed zombie chess.

192
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:24,706
I'll have you know
that he is a very bright child.

193
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:28,126
In your opinion.
In your opinion.

194
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,545
Which is skewed, because
he's your unfortunate issue.

195
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,006
So you threw a chessboard at him?

196
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:34,424
I didn't throw it at him.

197
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:38,136
I picked up the board and dumped
the pieces on his head...

198
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,389
as an object lesson to shake him
outta his vegetable torpor.

199
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:44,059
You wait until my husband
gets back from Florida.

200
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:48,146
- What's he doing in Florida without you?
- He will punch you in the nose.

201
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,731
Her husband's in Fort Lauderdale.

202
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,692
He's probably hanging out
with naked coeds on spring break.

203
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,402
He tells her it's a business trip.

204
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:58,423
Your son's an imbecile.
Teach him tiddlywinks, not chess.

205
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,371
You handled that
beautifully, Boris.

206
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,290
You know, you should open
the Boris Yellnikoff Charm School.

207
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:10,043
Let's get outta here.
It's late. I'm tired.

208
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,670
Good night, Boris.

209
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,147
What? What're you doing?

210
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,942
Hey, where're you going?
That's it?

211
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,352
- Sir?
- Hey! What?

212
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:31,439
What... what the hell're you doing?
My God, you scared me. For God's sake!

213
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,693
You creep up on me like that,
you little vagrant. What'd you want?

214
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,403
Can you help me
get something to eat?

215
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,114
Oh, God, no, I don't carry
any money, now, come on,

216
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,199
you can tell that to your partner,
wherever he's hiding.

217
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,702
- Please, I'm so hungry!
- Back up! Back up!

218
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,663
I haven't had anything to eat
all day, I think I'm gonna faint.

219
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,748
Yeah, listen, I'm wise
to that scam, little girl, okay?

220
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,583
I know about professional
beggar school.

221
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,810
Please, I'm desperate.

222
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:58,816
God, stop that! You look terrible!
What's wrong with you?

223
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,818
Just... All right.

224
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,638
Come up for two minutes.
That's it. And then...

225
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,032
- And then go.
- Thank you!

226
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,743
Two minutes, okay? That's it.

227
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:15,150
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

228
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:18,778
Happy birthday, dear Boris
Happy birthday to you

229
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,656
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

230
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:25,259
Happy birthday, dear Boris
Happy birthday to you

231
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,578
Is this your birthday?

232
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:30,640
You don't know you have to sing
Happy Birthday twice to get the germs off?

233
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,501
You said you were starving.
What do you like?

234
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:38,423
I like oysters, blackened redfish,
gumbo, crab legs, black-eyed...

235
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:41,926
Are you nuts? What do you think
I'm running? A Creole restaurant?

236
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:45,279
- How about a can of sardines?
- Oh, yes, please.

237
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,767
Gumbo. So what's your name?

238
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,352
Melody. Melody Celestine.

239
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:53,521
Melody Celestine.

240
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:56,107
Melody SaintAnne Celestine.

241
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:59,710
It's French.
My mama's family was from New Orleans.

242
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,840
I'm from Mississippi, Mr...

243
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,971
Muggeridge. Lionel Muggeridge.

244
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,014
Mr. Muggeridge.

245
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:17,979
Eden, Mississippi. You ever hear of it?

246
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:22,400
No, I haven't. Not even the people
who live there have heard of it.

247
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,178
So...

248
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,697
So what are you running away from?

249
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,057
Home.

250
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,226
Could you be more specific, Melanie?

251
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,103
Melody. Melanie was
from Gone with the Wind.

252
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:37,232
Oh, yeah.
I preferred the one who played Scarlett.

253
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,568
Why? Melanie was the nice one.
She marries Ashley.

254
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:41,903
Ashley. What an imbecile!

255
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,947
I couldn't stand him,
I couldn't stand his wife,

256
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,783
that goody two-shoes,
sexual nothing.

257
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:52,080
Scarlett, bitch that she was,
with those green eyes...

258
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:56,000
You know, I came in first dressed as
Scarlett O'Hara in one ofthe pageants.

259
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,685
Pageant?

260
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:01,631
My mom always used to keep me busy
in all these beauty contests.

261
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:04,483
That's why I didn't get
to schooling much.

262
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,820
All right, my advice to you,
go back home.

263
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,990
Oh, no, I'm never going back home.

264
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:14,519
You're a brainless little twit
who won't last 3 days in New York.

265
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:18,273
You'd be dead now of starvation if I
hadn't a heart as big as all outdoors.

266
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,608
I can't go back home,
Mr. Muggeridge.

267
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:23,027
- Alright, stop calling me Muggeridge.
- But that's your name.

268
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,363
No, it's not my name.
My name is Boris Yellnikoff.

269
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,317
I was using an alias.
I thought, who knows,

270
00:14:27,318 --> 00:14:29,200
you might be
from the Taliban or something.

271
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,135
Can I stay here?

272
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,805
Stay here? What're you? Nuts?
How old are you?

273
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:38,142
- I'm twenty-one.
- Twenty-one? Yeah.

274
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,796
You're twenty-one like I play
for the Yankees. Twenty-one!

275
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,173
You're a professional athlete
with that limp?

276
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,176
- Oh, Christ!
- Alright, look, I don't wanna go back.

277
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,387
Okay? I wanna make a new life
here in New York.

278
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,733
You'll wind up a prostitute,
like those Asian girls...

279
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:53,516
who come here
full of high hopes.

280
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,311
And then they wind up
turning tricks to keep alive.

281
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,354
And many of them
are actually good-looking.

282
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,317
That's so funny you just mentioned
tricks, you know, I do magic.

283
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,904
I do, I can show you, I just need...
Do you have any silk handkerchiefs?

284
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,973
Yeah, you know,
some other time, you're...

285
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:14,345
Look, you're a sweet kid.
Stupid beyond all comprehension,

286
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:16,564
but you'll never survive here.

287
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:19,334
You got nothing going for you.
Zero. Zilch.

288
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,420
You know, you may be beauty contest
material in the Deep South,

289
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,381
but this is the big time.
Here, you're a three.

290
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:28,401
A five maybe after you bathe.

291
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,554
Did you get that limp
playing for the Yankees?

292
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,681
Imbecile child.
Brainless inchworm.

293
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:37,352
I didn't play for the Yankees!
I was being sarcastic before.

294
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:42,373
- Oh, you... I took it seriously.
- Yes.

295
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:46,945
I usually get jokes, at the church's
social, I was the comedian twice.

296
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,696
- I've a way with jokes. Yes.
- Really?

297
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,282
- Spare me and just get out.
- No, Mr. Muggeridge...

298
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,910
Stop calling me Muggeridge, okay?
I already explained that!

299
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,429
I know, I know.
I'm sorry. I just...

300
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:01,209
I just need a place to stay for
a few nights, till I get on my feet.

301
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,853
I don't have anywhere to go.

302
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:08,383
And if you throw me out
and I wind up an Asian prostitute,

303
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,235
that's gonna be
on your conscience.

304
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,676
I give up.
Sleep on the couch, imbecile.

305
00:16:15,677 --> 00:16:18,059
I'm too tired to prolong
this brutal exchange...

306
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:21,954
between a bedraggled microbe
and a Nobel-level thinker.

307
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,857
- Keep out of my way.
- I will, I promise.

308
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,901
I'm just gonna use
the little girl's to freshen up,

309
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,236
and then I'm gonna go
right to sleep.

310
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,582
Yes, yes, use the little girl's.
Freshen up.

311
00:16:31,583 --> 00:16:33,408
Don't forget to tip the attendant.

312
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,691
- I won't. Thank you so much, Mr. M...
- Oh, what?

313
00:16:36,692 --> 00:16:38,413
- You were gonna say Muggeridge again?
- No!

314
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,332
It's Boris Yellnikoff!
You call me Muggeridge one more time,

315
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,918
I'm gonna throw you
out the goddamn window.

316
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,838
- Do you mind if I watch a little TV?
- Yes, I do, simpleton.

317
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,173
I just like to turn some on
at night to unwind.

318
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,001
Yeah. You touch that dial,
I'll unwind your head...

319
00:16:51,002 --> 00:16:54,028
with my bare hands.
How about that?

320
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,224
- Did you hear about Boris?
- What?

321
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,852
I tried to call him yesterday
and a woman answered the phone.

322
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,936
No! Who is she?

323
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,855
He got conned into
letting some little runaway

324
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,733
bed down in his apartment while she
looks for a job and gets settled.

325
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,401
Apparently she's never been
to New York before

326
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,778
and she's asked him
if he would show her around.

327
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,488
- Boris is going to be sightseeing?
- Yeah.

328
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:13,823
- Not a chance.
- No way.

329
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,383
No way.

330
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:20,621
My whole life I've lived in New York,
I never wanted to go to Grant's Tomb.

331
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,848
- Now I know why.
- Why?

332
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,810
I should never go to a tomb, ever.

333
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,254
My mom brought me up to believe that

334
00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:31,549
the good Lord has a plan
that we're all a part of.

335
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,528
- He has His eye on the sparrow.
- Yeah, I pity the sparrow.

336
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:39,557
I'm not getting into heaven, though.
I sinned.

337
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,477
You? You're kidding. You sinned?

338
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,729
I made love before I was married.

339
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:45,855
Oh, my God.

340
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:50,334
Plenty of my friends have, but in
my house, that's just unforgivable.

341
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,903
I just couldn't resist Bobby Klaxon.

342
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,072
All right, okay,
spare me the details, all right.

343
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,824
No, it was really beautiful!
I mean, he was just

344
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,911
this pretty boy guitar player
in this amazing rock band.

345
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,330
I mean, if you think you're a genius,
he can double on the drums.

346
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,099
- No! Doubles on drums?
- Yeah.

347
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:09,019
All the girls had a crush on him,
but he liked me.

348
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,798
He was so sweet and sensitive,

349
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,342
and he caught the biggest catfish
in Plaquemines County.

350
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,511
I wondered who caught
that catfish.

351
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:19,639
Hey, you know, my mom always told me
that it was gonna hurt the first time,

352
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,932
you know,
she said it was, you know,

353
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:25,619
it's a woman's duty
to just lie down, bear it and...

354
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,823
You know, she said there were
a lot of perversions involved,

355
00:18:27,824 --> 00:18:29,107
and that, you know,

356
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,608
it's God's will,
you shouldn't do it

357
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,820
unless you were married
and you planned to have kids and...

358
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,531
She said it could be dangerous,
but I just felt like it was

359
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:41,010
the most natural thing in the world.
You know, it just felt right.

360
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:45,848
And all the little extras were just fun.
It wasn't complicated at all.

361
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,618
And I think Bobby
really liked it,

362
00:18:47,619 --> 00:18:50,962
because he was gonna dump his,
uh... Betty Jo Cleary,

363
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:55,216
this girl he was going steady with.
But I wouldn't, I wouldn't hear of it.

364
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,521
It was just what it was,
you know,

365
00:18:56,522 --> 00:19:00,571
it was a nice moment
behind the tent at the fish fry.

366
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,183
That is the most disgusting story
I've ever heard.

367
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,807
You and this adenoidal guitar
player slaking your lust...

368
00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:09,538
at some barbaric
social function.

369
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,315
You don't like to make love?

370
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,667
No, I do not. No.

371
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,711
That's crazy!

372
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,407
Boris, do you want to
be buried or cremated?

373
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,242
All right, I really don't wanna
talk about that. Okay?

374
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,911
- I think I want to be cremated.
- Alright, will you shut up, cretin?

375
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,596
There's no worms.

376
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,417
- What is this?
- A knish.

377
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,877
And what's it made of?

378
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,087
I've been eating these things
for years, they're delicious.

379
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,213
I don't know what's in them.

380
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,425
I don't want to know what's in them.
Don't even talk about it!

381
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:41,612
- Oh, my God! The horror! The horror!
- Boris!

382
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:45,433
- Are you all right? What happened?
- No, I'm not all right.

383
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,852
- Are you sick?
- No.

384
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,478
Did you have a bad dream?

385
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:51,314
Yeah, it was terrible.

386
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:54,333
- Come here. It's okay.
- Oh, I can't...

387
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,694
Oh, baby, you're sweating.
Come sit down.

388
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,613
Night sweats. I get them.

389
00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,915
I used to think it was AIDS,

390
00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:01,898
but it's just that I have
a morbid fear of the dark and...

391
00:20:01,899 --> 00:20:05,427
- you turned my night-light off!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

392
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,164
Does your stomach hurt?
Could it be the kwish?

393
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,307
Knish! Not kwish.

394
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,589
Well, here, I'll...
I'll put something on TV.

395
00:20:14,590 --> 00:20:16,194
I saw the Abyss.

396
00:20:16,195 --> 00:20:18,649
Don't worry,
we'll watch something else.

397
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,867
- Oh, this is, um...
- Yeah.

398
00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:31,996
Fred Astaire. Yeah.

399
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,331
Leave that.

400
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,626
That's good. Leave that.

401
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,205
There, that's it, okay?
Can we get the hell outta here?

402
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:53,000
Oh, my God, that's it!
It's the actual one!

403
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,644
I've only seen it in pictures!

404
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:59,674
"Bring me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses"...

405
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,009
I'm surprised you know that,
terrible as it is.

406
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:04,973
I closed with it for the
Miss Greenwood, Mississippi pageant.

407
00:21:04,974 --> 00:21:07,056
I think it's so moving.

408
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:09,517
But the huddled masses were
never welcomed with open arms.

409
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:13,521
Soon as they came over, each ethnic group
was met with violence and hostility.

410
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:16,315
Each one had to claw
and fight its way in.

411
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:19,318
People always hated foreigners.
It's the American way.

412
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:23,072
Our pageants like to focus on
the positive things about America.

413
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:27,301
Yeah. The blacks were kidnapped
from Africa! Chained in ships!

414
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:29,412
My daddy says that
America bends over backwards

415
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:31,622
for the blacks because
we feel guilty, and it's crazy.

416
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:36,810
Oh, yeah, your daddy. Your daddy's a
cracker, he's a bigot moron. Your daddy!

417
00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:39,880
Well, you're probably right,
'cause you're a genius,

418
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:44,401
but for a little Mississippi girl
like me, this is really exciting!

419
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,696
So what kinda genius
are you, anyway?

420
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:51,075
- What kind?
- Yeah, what are you genius at?

421
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,936
Quantum mechanics.

422
00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:56,705
Yeah, but what field?
Like, music?

423
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,444
When you see kids
tossing a ball,

424
00:21:59,445 --> 00:22:02,278
does it ever make you miss
spring training?

425
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:05,746
Alright... I've never played
for the Yankees,

426
00:22:05,747 --> 00:22:07,033
do you understand that?

427
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:12,096
I have never played any sports
whatsoever in my life! Okay? Ever!

428
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:15,624
Joe, Leo, you gotta help me out.
I can't take it anymore.

429
00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:16,736
Just kick her out.

430
00:22:16,737 --> 00:22:18,419
Can you believe
it's been a month already?

431
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:21,130
- A whole month? God, time flies.
- Well put.

432
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,757
Well, at least is she pretty?

433
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:24,967
- She's won some beauty contests.
- No.

434
00:22:24,968 --> 00:22:27,636
Tall? Short? Blonde? Describe her.

435
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:31,824
Well, she's blonde.
Nice height. Nice eyes.

436
00:22:31,975 --> 00:22:34,727
Didn't quite realize
how blue they were that first night.

437
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:39,440
Her face is a little more symmetrical
than I had originally conceived.

438
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:42,960
She's not a ten. In a pinch, six.

439
00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:46,755
- Good in bed?
- How would I know? I just want her out.

440
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:51,118
- Can I ask you to dance with me?
- It's too crowded.

441
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,162
I don't mean now. In a few minutes,

442
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,748
the dance will be over
and evectone will go home.

443
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,500
Well, the band will go home, too.

444
00:22:57,501 --> 00:23:01,670
Why, there'll just be the two of us left,
and we can imagine the music.

445
00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:04,215
We can pretend
there's a big orchestra ofviolins

446
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:07,484
and they're playing just for us
as we dance.

447
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:11,097
You know, it's been proven
television eats away the brain.

448
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:14,308
Oh, hi! Shoot, I was gonna surprise you!

449
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:15,976
What? What's all this?

450
00:23:15,977 --> 00:23:17,728
I'm making you a special dinner.

451
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,146
- Really? For me?
- Yeah.

452
00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:21,315
And me, 'cause we're celebrating.

453
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:24,001
We are? What is it?

454
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:27,405
- Crawfish! I found some at the market.
- Jesus. It's stinking up the whole house!

455
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,240
No, they're so good. You'll love them.

456
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:33,411
Listen, Melody, seriously,
we have to talk.

457
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:35,996
Oh, yeah. I know. We'll talk
over dinner. It's almost done.

458
00:23:35,997 --> 00:23:39,542
Melody, you're a very nice
young woman. Really, very nice.

459
00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:42,002
You have a lot of nice attributes,

460
00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:46,424
but, you know, you just can't
continue to stay here ad infinitum.

461
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,593
Yeah, yeah, but that's my news.
Guess what?

462
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:52,863
I got a job!
I can start paying you rent.

463
00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:55,975
Rent? I don't want you
to pay me rent!

464
00:23:55,976 --> 00:23:58,952
I want my life back.
What kinda job?

465
00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:02,189
I start tomorrow as a dog walker.

466
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:05,401
A dog walker?
Oh, my God. Seriously...

467
00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:09,113
Melody, don't you think you should
go back home and finish high school,

468
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:11,282
maybe even go to college?

469
00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:14,034
I thought the other night you were
talking about how America has...

470
00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:16,745
one ofthe worst education systems
in the Old West.

471
00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:19,290
- No, no, the Western world.
- Yeah, right, exactly,

472
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:23,435
and how most colleges just
turn out mindless zombie morons.

473
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:27,481
You could benefit from classes.

474
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,776
I think the crawfish are ready.

475
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,278
What is that song?

476
00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:43,522
They played that song the first time
I went out with Jessica.

477
00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:46,583
- Where did you go?
- We went to a dance.

478
00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:50,629
We were both students
at the University of Chicago.

479
00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:54,299
She had a high IQ
and a low-cut dress.

480
00:24:55,118 --> 00:24:58,913
Boy, they really don't write them
like they used to.

481
00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:01,056
Oh! That's a cliché.

482
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:03,751
Good, Melody. You caught it.

483
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:06,962
Well, you always get so mad
when I do them.

484
00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:10,174
Yeah, I shouldn't really.
You know, sometimes a cliché...

485
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,110
is finally the best way
to make one's point.

486
00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:16,280
Boris,

487
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:22,369
what would you say...
if I was to say...

488
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:26,623
that I was developing
a little crush on you?

489
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,586
- I'd say don't.
- Why?

490
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:35,191
Because anything deeper,
more significant between us,

491
00:25:35,192 --> 00:25:38,744
- is outta the question.
- Because why?

492
00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:43,390
Because it's too preposterous
to even dignity with an answer.

493
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,225
It is?

494
00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:48,337
Every single thing is against it.

495
00:25:48,338 --> 00:25:51,674
Our ages, our backgrounds,
our brains, our interests.

496
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:56,220
Not to mention, I have no desire to have
a relationship with a woman, any woman,

497
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:59,848
nor any urge to make love,
nor any desire to be anything...

498
00:25:59,849 --> 00:26:02,367
but isolated from the world.

499
00:26:02,477 --> 00:26:05,646
And, you know,
you're a beautiful girl...

500
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:09,875
who should be meeting normal
healthy men and going out.

501
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:14,046
Yeah, but I don't like normal healthy men.

502
00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:16,673
I like you.

503
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:23,497
I... You're hallucinating!
I'm sure you'll make some man very happy

504
00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:27,851
at a fish fry or a dog fight
or however you people spend time.

505
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,313
You really think I'm beautiful?

506
00:26:31,339 --> 00:26:35,525
I admit I didn't give you your
full due at first, physically.

507
00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:38,679
However, as only a great mind can do,

508
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,615
I've reassessed my

509
00:26:42,058 --> 00:26:45,661
position, and changed my mind.

510
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,873
So you could never think of marrying me?

511
00:26:50,567 --> 00:26:52,484
Have you lost your mind?

512
00:26:52,485 --> 00:26:55,529
Why on Earth would you even
fantasize about such a thing?

513
00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:59,366
What could I offer you,
but a bad temper, hypochondriasis,

514
00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:03,887
morbid fixations,
reclusive rages and misanthropy?

515
00:27:04,247 --> 00:27:05,873
And what could you offer me?

516
00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:09,559
A character out of Faulkner,
not unlike Benjy.

517
00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:13,063
The answer to your question is no.

518
00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:17,901
I think you should stay here for a while,
accumulate some money,

519
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:22,097
and then find a place of your own,
and move on with your life.

520
00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:24,350
Well, what about your life?

521
00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:27,645
Let me teach you
something about love. Okay?

522
00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:29,897
Naturally, there are exceptions
to what I'm going to say,

523
00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:32,691
but they're the exception, not the rule.

524
00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:36,378
Love, despite what they tell you,

525
00:27:36,946 --> 00:27:40,757
does not conquer all.
Nor does it even usually last.

526
00:27:41,117 --> 00:27:44,636
In the end,
the romantic aspirations of our youth

527
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,930
are reduced to

528
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,725
whatever works. Okay?

529
00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:54,938
Why do I think
your bark is worse than your bite?

530
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:56,215
Cliché, Melody.

531
00:27:56,216 --> 00:28:01,028
Oh, I don't care! Ifthe shoe fits,
wear it, and that's another one.

532
00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,374
We need to talk for a minute.

533
00:28:15,485 --> 00:28:19,671
Can you believe this little inchworm
setting her sights on me?

534
00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:26,303
Yes, yes, we had some pleasant moments.
Some dinners, some walks in the park.

535
00:28:26,454 --> 00:28:29,957
I gave her the benefit
of my vast knowledge and experience.

536
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:33,502
Tried to impart to her the perceptions
and values

537
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:35,979
of a truly original mentality.

538
00:28:36,506 --> 00:28:39,466
I only wish I could do a Pygmalion on her.

539
00:28:39,467 --> 00:28:44,179
But if Henry Higgins ever tried to
transform Melody SaintAnne Celestine,

540
00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:47,365
he, too, would have jumped out the window.

541
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,618
Come on.

542
00:29:06,619 --> 00:29:08,537
- Oh, boy! New friends.
- I'm sorry.

543
00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,164
Oh, yeah. They like each other.

544
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:12,541
It's okay. I rather like dogs.

545
00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:16,336
Well, I'm more of a cat person, myself.
I just do this professionally. Sorry.

546
00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:18,839
I never met
a professional dog walker.

547
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,676
Really? It's not really
the career that I want, but...

548
00:29:22,677 --> 00:29:24,553
What do you want to do?

549
00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:26,905
I'd like to work with children.

550
00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:29,533
You're very pretty, you know that?

551
00:29:29,559 --> 00:29:32,702
- Shut up! Thank you.
- Can I ask your name?

552
00:29:32,979 --> 00:29:36,356
It's Melody.
Melody Saint Anne Celestine.

553
00:29:36,357 --> 00:29:40,027
What a beautiful name!
Mine's Perry Singleton.

554
00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:41,737
- It's nice to meet you.
- Yes, nice to meet you.

555
00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:44,131
May I walk along with you?

556
00:29:44,491 --> 00:29:48,202
I don't see why not, you know,
since we're all doomed anyway.

557
00:29:48,203 --> 00:29:51,471
- Pardon me?
- Well, you know, everything ends.

558
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,749
I don't think I follow.

559
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:58,520
Well, you know, it's like
the cosmos, or eternity.

560
00:29:58,963 --> 00:30:02,399
Whichever's bigger. I just know
that we're all flying apart.

561
00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:06,261
What is that? What is that?
Is that a move?

562
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,596
Well, I thought your bishop was...

563
00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:10,182
My bishop what? What?
You patzer, you earthworm!

564
00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:13,268
How many times do I have to tell you?
You don't take that pawn.

565
00:30:13,269 --> 00:30:15,312
That's called the poisoned pawn,
because look!

566
00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:17,706
- Boris!
- Look what happens!

567
00:30:17,774 --> 00:30:19,107
- Sorry, Mr. Yellnikoff.
- Yeah, you're sorry,

568
00:30:19,108 --> 00:30:21,235
you're sorry. Use your head
next time, you won't be sorry!

569
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:23,362
- Boris!
- Yeah. Do your homework next week.

570
00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:25,239
Don't waste my time.

571
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,032
- Hey!
- Poisoned!

572
00:30:27,033 --> 00:30:30,285
I got offwork early today and I thought
maybe we could walk home together.

573
00:30:30,286 --> 00:30:32,579
Maybe I can make black-eyed peas
and crab cakes for dinner.

574
00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:34,748
- No, I'm not hungry.
- What's the matter?

575
00:30:34,749 --> 00:30:38,085
- My ulcer's been killing me all day.
- I thought you didn't have an ulcer.

576
00:30:38,086 --> 00:30:40,629
No, I said they can't find an ulcer,
not that I don't have one.

577
00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:42,756
Those malpractice
medical mental midgets.

578
00:30:42,757 --> 00:30:45,592
They drop that endoscope down my
throat and probe me like coal miners,

579
00:30:45,593 --> 00:30:48,095
and they always
come up with nothing!

580
00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:50,055
Well, guess what happened today?

581
00:30:50,056 --> 00:30:52,092
I got to talking
to this boy on the job...

582
00:30:52,093 --> 00:30:54,743
and, uh... he asked me out
on a date.

583
00:30:55,645 --> 00:30:57,312
- Really?
- Mh'hm.

584
00:30:57,313 --> 00:30:59,690
I could tell he liked me
right off and... uh,

585
00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:03,402
we went had coffee and just had,
you know, funny banter.

586
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,362
You know what banter is,
it's like flirty talk.

587
00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,656
Yeah, yeah,
I'm familiar with banter.

588
00:31:07,657 --> 00:31:10,492
Yeah, so, anyway,
he asked if I had a boyfriend.

589
00:31:10,493 --> 00:31:14,846
I said, "Not really". He said,
"I'll pick you up Friday at eight".

590
00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:16,973
What'd you think?

591
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:22,629
Great. I just hope he's, uh...
not a Ted Bundy, you know.

592
00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:24,314
A who?

593
00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:26,633
You have to keep an eye out
for serial killers.

594
00:31:26,634 --> 00:31:30,178
He's not a serial killer.
At least he didn't mention it.

595
00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:31,972
Yeah, well,
you have to be careful.

596
00:31:31,973 --> 00:31:34,641
Sometimes they put you in a trunk
of a car and you can't breathe.

597
00:31:34,642 --> 00:31:36,602
I'm not... I'm serious.

598
00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:40,038
I told him your theory
about capital punishment.

599
00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:41,982
What'd you say?

600
00:31:41,983 --> 00:31:46,111
That it should include people that
don't pick up after their dogs, uh,

601
00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,907
people who ride their bikes
on the sidewalk,

602
00:31:47,908 --> 00:31:50,782
people who call mothers
"moms" and, uh...

603
00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:54,052
God, I can't remember 'em all,
you have so many.

604
00:31:59,584 --> 00:32:01,977
- How do I look?
- Subnormal.

605
00:32:02,378 --> 00:32:04,296
Why? What's wrong?

606
00:32:04,297 --> 00:32:06,006
That's an awfully
aggressive ensemble.

607
00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:08,675
You looking to wind up
in an abortion clinic?

608
00:32:08,676 --> 00:32:10,177
I wanna look nice.

609
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:12,956
Just kinda give him an idea
of what he might be in for...

610
00:32:12,957 --> 00:32:14,640
if he plays his cards right.

611
00:32:14,641 --> 00:32:17,117
Oh, yeah? What's he in for?

612
00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:19,519
All the stuff with a woman
that you reject,

613
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,105
because you're a genius
and you're above it all.

614
00:32:22,106 --> 00:32:24,149
But I happen to be
pretty sharp, too,

615
00:32:24,150 --> 00:32:27,194
and I have a natural talent
in the field of fooling around.

616
00:32:27,195 --> 00:32:29,488
Yeah, well, I just hope
you're saving your money...

617
00:32:29,489 --> 00:32:32,574
so you can move out quickly,
you know, now that you're working.

618
00:32:32,575 --> 00:32:33,575
- Hi, Perry!
- Hey.

619
00:32:33,576 --> 00:32:35,075
Sorry I'm late.
I got stuck on the train.

620
00:32:35,076 --> 00:32:37,512
No, it's fine.
Come on in.

621
00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:39,706
This is Perry.

622
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:43,393
Hi. Your daughter is very lovely,
Mr. Celestine.

623
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:45,937
I'm not her father.

624
00:32:46,839 --> 00:32:48,048
Grandfather?

625
00:32:48,049 --> 00:32:51,067
Perry, I told you
I was staying with a friend.

626
00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:53,345
So what'd you do, Perry?

627
00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:57,574
He's studying... investments
and investing things.

628
00:32:58,434 --> 00:33:00,160
You got any, uh...

629
00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:04,554
- identification?
- Pardon me?

630
00:33:04,555 --> 00:33:07,584
You know, driver's license,
birth certificate.

631
00:33:08,444 --> 00:33:12,630
No, sir. I never carry around my
birth certificate... Why would I?

632
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:16,218
Be careful, Bundy sometimes
posed as a banker.

633
00:33:16,219 --> 00:33:17,268
Oh...

634
00:33:17,269 --> 00:33:21,264
I'm just gonna go finish
getting ready. I'll be right back.

635
00:33:26,421 --> 00:33:29,606
Melody tells me
you're a very brilliant man.

636
00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:32,217
If an IQ of 200 is brilliant.

637
00:33:32,218 --> 00:33:36,446
She explained to me your theory
about life being meaningless.

638
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:39,349
Don't let it spoil your evening.

639
00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:42,035
- Okay, let's go, Perry.
- Okay.

640
00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:44,146
Oh, hey! Come here.

641
00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:45,898
Don't give him
any information about me.

642
00:33:45,899 --> 00:33:46,982
Like what?

643
00:33:46,983 --> 00:33:50,444
You know, dates, credit card numbers,
blood type, things like that.

644
00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:52,154
Goodbye, Boris.

645
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:55,449
Oh, and hey, if I'm not here
when you get back, don't worry.

646
00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:57,801
Oh? Where are you going?

647
00:33:57,827 --> 00:34:00,078
- Out.
- Okay, fine.

648
00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:02,806
- Yeah, I have friends, too.
- Okay. Yeah.

649
00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:10,839
I even heard the opening's
supposed to be good.

650
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,383
Yeah, they are. Have you seen them before?

651
00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:16,778
No, no. This is my first concert
in New York.

652
00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:18,863
You didn't tell me that.

653
00:34:20,349 --> 00:34:24,478
Get the hell outta here. In America,
they have summer camps for everything.

654
00:34:24,479 --> 00:34:27,022
Rich kids, basketball camp,
magic camp.

655
00:34:27,023 --> 00:34:30,500
- Tennis camp.
- Tennis camp. Movie director camp!

656
00:34:30,943 --> 00:34:33,361
They should have
a concentration camp.

657
00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:36,031
Two weeks mandatory
for all kids growing up,

658
00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:40,160
so they would finally understand
what the human race is capable of.

659
00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:43,330
Brilliant! Except who'd send
their kid to a concentration camp?

660
00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:47,417
A responsible parent who wants
their child to grasp reality.

661
00:34:47,418 --> 00:34:49,913
Alright, alright, alright,
let's change the subject.

662
00:34:49,914 --> 00:34:51,797
Meanwhile, Harry Lawson died.

663
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:52,923
- Harry Lawson?
- Yeah, I heard.

664
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,509
Yeah. Just celebrated
his fifty-first birthday.

665
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,887
- What a great chemist.
- But he was a smoker.

666
00:34:58,888 --> 00:35:03,016
A smoker. The minute a person dies,
he's a smoker or overweight.

667
00:35:03,017 --> 00:35:06,394
Hey, I got news for you,
thin non-smokers die, too. Okay?

668
00:35:06,395 --> 00:35:08,396
Abstinence
isn't gonna save you.

669
00:35:08,397 --> 00:35:09,689
You're pleasant tonight.

670
00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:12,359
- What are you talking about?
- Where's Melody tonight?

671
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,321
She's out listening to some
eardrum-busting bilge posing as music.

672
00:35:16,322 --> 00:35:18,031
I thought you were gonna
kick her out.

673
00:35:18,032 --> 00:35:21,759
Well, hopefully this guy tonight
will take her off my hands.

674
00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:26,181
You know, why not?
I mean, she's pretty.

675
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,376
Now she's pretty?

676
00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:32,921
What? I'm just saying she's not
atrocious-looking. That's all.

677
00:35:32,922 --> 00:35:35,940
I'd say a seven or eight.

678
00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:42,697
Anybody here?

679
00:36:51,250 --> 00:36:54,143
- Oh, you're up!
- Yeah, I just got in.

680
00:36:55,963 --> 00:36:57,756
And what did you do?

681
00:36:57,757 --> 00:37:01,176
I went dancing at a Latin club.
It was limbo night.

682
00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:02,944
Shut up!

683
00:37:02,970 --> 00:37:04,971
You were talking about people...

684
00:37:04,972 --> 00:37:07,933
and politics and all that stuff
you guys like to hate.

685
00:37:07,934 --> 00:37:10,644
Oh...
How was your date?

686
00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:14,497
- It was a big washout! Yeah.
- Really?

687
00:37:14,523 --> 00:37:16,606
This particular rock band
wasn't any good?

688
00:37:16,607 --> 00:37:17,836
I don't know
how you can differentiate?

689
00:37:17,837 --> 00:37:20,987
No! No, the music was fine.
Just...

690
00:37:20,988 --> 00:37:23,591
that guy
and his friends! I just...

691
00:37:23,592 --> 00:37:25,116
What?

692
00:37:25,117 --> 00:37:29,804
Well, his taste! He just...
He likes everything.

693
00:37:30,039 --> 00:37:34,142
Life, love, human beings!

694
00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:39,981
And the couple that we double-dated with,
they were just protons!

695
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:43,610
- Protons?
- Do I mean protons?

696
00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:45,653
Cretins!

697
00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:48,301
Cretins, that's what I mean.
Yeah, they didn't know...

698
00:37:48,302 --> 00:37:51,075
the first thing
about string theory.

699
00:37:51,602 --> 00:37:54,120
I think you're a little drunk.

700
00:37:54,730 --> 00:37:57,040
I did have a few drinks.

701
00:37:57,149 --> 00:38:00,835
But can you blame me?
Hanging out with those inchworms?

702
00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:05,840
I mean, they actually think that
love is the answer to everything.

703
00:38:08,703 --> 00:38:12,055
I told them about Jethro Paige
from back home.

704
00:38:12,248 --> 00:38:16,976
He got caught doing it with a sheep.
Making love with a sheep.

705
00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:20,046
And they were all laughing
and everything,

706
00:38:20,047 --> 00:38:23,174
but I just looked at them
and said, "Folks,

707
00:38:23,175 --> 00:38:26,986
"as Boris would say,
whatever works".

708
00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:33,743
- What're you looking at?
- Unbelievable.

709
00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:40,416
The chance factor in life
is mind-boggling.

710
00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:44,295
You entered the world...

711
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:46,756
by a random event...

712
00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,134
somewhere along the Mississippi.

713
00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:54,080
I, having emerged
through the conjoining...

714
00:38:54,081 --> 00:38:57,892
of Sam and Yetta Yellnikoff
in the Bronx,

715
00:38:58,544 --> 00:39:00,561
decades earlier.

716
00:39:01,464 --> 00:39:03,631
And through an astronomical...

717
00:39:03,632 --> 00:39:06,609
concatenation of circumstances,

718
00:39:07,845 --> 00:39:09,779
our paths cross.

719
00:39:10,973 --> 00:39:12,740
Two runaways...

720
00:39:13,559 --> 00:39:15,284
in the vast,

721
00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:17,161
black,

722
00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:20,206
unspeakably violent...

723
00:39:21,484 --> 00:39:23,835
and indifferent universe.

724
00:39:36,248 --> 00:39:40,476
Can you believe I married her?
What possessed me?

725
00:39:40,795 --> 00:39:45,340
This search in life for something
to give the illusion of meaning.

726
00:39:45,341 --> 00:39:47,442
To quell the panic.

727
00:39:47,802 --> 00:39:50,486
Alright, so it's been a year.

728
00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:53,848
3 hundred and 65 days
of married life.

729
00:39:53,849 --> 00:39:57,785
And you know what? Not the
worst year of my life, either.

730
00:39:58,896 --> 00:40:00,480
What are these?

731
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:02,957
- They're grits.
- Seriously?

732
00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:11,116
They're actually disgusting.

733
00:40:11,117 --> 00:40:13,885
She's cheerful,
not demanding.

734
00:40:13,994 --> 00:40:15,732
Okay, not as brilliant
as Jessica,

735
00:40:15,733 --> 00:40:19,182
but not as ambitious
and predatoct, either.

736
00:40:19,333 --> 00:40:23,336
Jessica's problem was she made up
in ego what she lacked in superego.

737
00:40:23,337 --> 00:40:25,004
But not Melody.

738
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:28,133
She likes being a nanny. She's happy
with other people's kids,

739
00:40:28,134 --> 00:40:31,694
so mercifully she doesn't
bother me about having our own.

740
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:33,805
Once a week we see a movie.

741
00:40:33,806 --> 00:40:36,474
Maybe she doesn't understand
everything I take her to,

742
00:40:36,475 --> 00:40:38,560
but she tries
and she's a good sport.

743
00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:41,521
She sits up nights with me
when I have my panic attacks.

744
00:40:41,522 --> 00:40:43,356
She keeps me company
at the emergency rcom

745
00:40:43,357 --> 00:40:46,709
when I'm convinced
my mosquito bite is a melanoma.

746
00:40:47,361 --> 00:40:51,464
Yes, my life is circumscribed,
but I manage to avoid stress.

747
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:53,533
I've achieved a delicate balance.

748
00:40:53,534 --> 00:40:58,054
And as long as I can maintain it,
I feel less inclined to ending it.

749
00:41:21,562 --> 00:41:23,354
Oh, no, no, no.

750
00:41:23,355 --> 00:41:26,733
- Unacceptable. Come on, this is not good.
- What?

751
00:41:26,734 --> 00:41:28,234
I like music I can dance to.

752
00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:32,197
I know, I know, but this is brutal.
Here, you know what I want you to do?

753
00:41:32,198 --> 00:41:35,967
Put this on. Okay? And then
when I come out, we'll discuss it.

754
00:41:36,035 --> 00:41:38,261
All right, I'll try.

755
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,931
It's Beethoven's Fifth!

756
00:41:42,041 --> 00:41:45,518
Think of the music
as fate knocking on the door.

757
00:41:45,711 --> 00:41:49,063
Maybe a little story
will help you appreciate it.

758
00:41:50,716 --> 00:41:53,442
Fate knocking on the door.

759
00:42:32,758 --> 00:42:34,734
- Mother?
- Melody!

760
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:36,469
Oh, it's you!

761
00:42:36,470 --> 00:42:39,488
- Oh, my God.
- It's my baby!

762
00:42:40,474 --> 00:42:42,934
I finally found you, praise Jesus!

763
00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:44,769
How did you find me?

764
00:42:44,770 --> 00:42:47,146
Oh, my prayers were finally answered!

765
00:42:47,147 --> 00:42:50,608
I can't... You're just the last person
I expected to see.

766
00:42:50,609 --> 00:42:54,153
Well, when you least expect it,
fate has a way of knocking on your door.

767
00:42:54,154 --> 00:42:57,381
Yeah, it does. Okay. Oh, you have a bag.

768
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:03,471
What are you doing here?

769
00:43:03,497 --> 00:43:06,891
- Well, I was trying to find you, honey.
- Why?

770
00:43:07,293 --> 00:43:10,169
- I came to find you, honey!
- You did?

771
00:43:10,170 --> 00:43:12,730
Oh, we searched and searched.

772
00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:15,717
The police looked for clues.
Everything led to a dead end.

773
00:43:15,718 --> 00:43:19,345
How we worried.
I developed crow's feet from the worrying.

774
00:43:19,346 --> 00:43:21,306
Now look here. I had a little work done.

775
00:43:21,307 --> 00:43:24,642
Mother, I left you a letter.
I told you I'd be all right.

776
00:43:24,643 --> 00:43:28,354
Melody SaintAnne,
I'd hardly call this all right!

777
00:43:28,355 --> 00:43:30,398
Well, what's wrong with it?

778
00:43:30,399 --> 00:43:33,751
What's wrong?
What's happened to your senses?

779
00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:37,322
Everything's wrong.
You're living like a sharecropper.

780
00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:40,199
But it's clean as a whistle.
I clean it myself every day.

781
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,785
You clean? You don't have a woman?

782
00:43:42,786 --> 00:43:45,330
Boris can't really afford help.

783
00:43:45,331 --> 00:43:47,223
- Who?
- Boris.

784
00:43:48,375 --> 00:43:51,394
- Who's Boris?
- My husband.

785
00:43:51,670 --> 00:43:55,231
- What?
- That's right, Mama, I got married.

786
00:43:55,716 --> 00:43:59,902
- And he's taken you to live here?
- No, no, I moved in with him.

787
00:44:01,096 --> 00:44:03,364
I have to have a drink.

788
00:44:04,850 --> 00:44:07,769
I need to sit. I need an anesthetic.

789
00:44:07,770 --> 00:44:11,397
Okay, okay, have a seat.
We don't have any bourbon or nothing.

790
00:44:11,398 --> 00:44:15,710
Just bring me the drink with the
highest volume of alcohol you have.

791
00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:20,131
You know, Mama, I'm kind of happy.

792
00:44:20,407 --> 00:44:22,425
Kind of happy?

793
00:44:22,534 --> 00:44:24,744
You leave a loving home in Eden,

794
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:28,581
run offwith some crazy kid,
I'm guessing he's a rock musician

795
00:44:28,582 --> 00:44:31,959
who can't earn a respectable living,
and you wind up

796
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,895
in this decadent city,
living in a rattrap.

797
00:44:35,422 --> 00:44:37,882
This is exactly why I ran away.

798
00:44:37,883 --> 00:44:41,135
Why, why, Miss Sweet Pea?
Why did you forsake your loving home?

799
00:44:41,136 --> 00:44:43,279
Because, Mama, you're...

800
00:44:44,056 --> 00:44:47,392
You're overbearing. That's it.
You're overbearing

801
00:44:47,393 --> 00:44:50,703
and you fail to see the big picture.

802
00:44:51,021 --> 00:44:54,123
What big picture are you talking about?

803
00:44:54,566 --> 00:44:56,067
I don't know.

804
00:44:56,068 --> 00:45:00,196
All I know is that nothing moves faster
than the speed of light,

805
00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:02,631
so you may as well relax.

806
00:45:03,242 --> 00:45:06,160
I'm just gonna have
a little moment of prayer.

807
00:45:06,161 --> 00:45:10,514
Mama, you're still caught up
in that Christian superstition?

808
00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:12,417
Happy birthday to you

809
00:45:12,418 --> 00:45:13,960
What's that?

810
00:45:13,961 --> 00:45:15,770
That's Boris.

811
00:45:15,838 --> 00:45:17,422
It's his birthday?

812
00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:19,132
No, he's just washing his hands.

813
00:45:19,133 --> 00:45:22,777
Happy birthday, dear Boris
Happy birthday to you

814
00:45:29,768 --> 00:45:31,285
Who's this?

815
00:45:31,603 --> 00:45:34,246
Boris, this is my mother.

816
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:37,374
Mother, my husband.

817
00:45:40,779 --> 00:45:42,822
Mama! Mama!

818
00:45:42,823 --> 00:45:45,158
Walk her around,
she's obviously a boozehound.

819
00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:46,784
Mama, are you all right?

820
00:45:46,785 --> 00:45:48,453
- Did he drug you?
- What?

821
00:45:48,454 --> 00:45:50,872
- Are you on sodium pentothal?
- No.

822
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:54,000
That's what they do,
the secular humanists.

823
00:45:54,001 --> 00:45:57,378
It's uncanny. She's exactly
the kind of moron you described.

824
00:45:57,379 --> 00:46:00,047
You are not the gentleman I was expecting.

825
00:46:00,048 --> 00:46:01,674
I'm sure not. I'm sure you'd be happy

826
00:46:01,675 --> 00:46:05,136
if she married the guy who caught
the biggest catfish in Plaquemines County.

827
00:46:05,137 --> 00:46:07,472
I'd be happier if she married the catfish.

828
00:46:07,473 --> 00:46:10,516
No, you see, Mama,
Boris is a genius. Okay?

829
00:46:10,517 --> 00:46:12,810
He doesn't have a lot of patience
for us inchworms.

830
00:46:12,811 --> 00:46:14,395
- We, we inchworms.
- We.

831
00:46:14,396 --> 00:46:15,521
Some genius.

832
00:46:15,522 --> 00:46:18,024
I was almost nominated for a Nobel Prize.

833
00:46:18,025 --> 00:46:21,360
That's right, Boris.
And what was it for again? Best Picture?

834
00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:22,653
I need more booze.

835
00:46:22,654 --> 00:46:24,405
You know, you never said
how you found me.

836
00:46:24,406 --> 00:46:28,868
Oh, Melody. I have a sad tale to tell you.

837
00:46:28,869 --> 00:46:30,970
What happened, Mama?

838
00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:34,098
Your father left me.

839
00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:37,293
- Aren't you shocked?
- No.

840
00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:39,670
And with who, of all people?

841
00:46:39,671 --> 00:46:41,214
- My best friend, Mandy.
- Your best friend, Mandy.

842
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:43,132
- How did you know?
- Oh, Mama.

843
00:46:43,133 --> 00:46:46,928
It was as plain as the nose on your face.
Cliché, sorry.

844
00:46:46,929 --> 00:46:48,805
At first I thought he was acting peculiar,

845
00:46:48,806 --> 00:46:52,183
because things was going
so bad for us, darling.

846
00:46:52,184 --> 00:46:53,559
How often did you have intercourse?

847
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,829
Are you going to close
that insulting mouth?

848
00:46:57,231 --> 00:47:01,317
By bad, I mean he lost a lot of money
in the stock market after you left

849
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:02,902
and we were forced to sell the house.

850
00:47:02,903 --> 00:47:05,238
- You sold the house?
- I'm sorry, yes. We took a beating,

851
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:06,864
because we were so desperate.

852
00:47:06,865 --> 00:47:09,575
And then he lost his job,
the company went out of business.

853
00:47:09,576 --> 00:47:12,036
And then we spent all our savings
on medical bills,

854
00:47:12,037 --> 00:47:14,664
'cause I came down
with a case of the shingles!

855
00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:17,583
- Oh, my God.
- Christ, this is like Job. No locusts?

856
00:47:17,584 --> 00:47:22,380
Darling, I turned to Jesus in a deeper way
than I had ever done in my life.

857
00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:26,425
I prayed and I prayed,
every day and every night,

858
00:47:26,426 --> 00:47:28,553
asking God to help me.

859
00:47:28,554 --> 00:47:31,055
Let me guess what happened,
your shingles got worse.

860
00:47:31,056 --> 00:47:36,060
I said, "Lord, just give me one sign
that all my suffering is for a purpose".

861
00:47:36,061 --> 00:47:38,813
I said, "Please, God, just say something".

862
00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:41,649
"Break your silence.
I can't take any more misery!"

863
00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:45,753
Nothing, right? And all that money you put
in the tin box every Sunday.

864
00:48:03,213 --> 00:48:05,590
Abortion is murder,
that's the long and short of it.

865
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:07,258
- That's how I feel. Well...
- Even if the woman is raped?

866
00:48:07,259 --> 00:48:08,426
Why are you wasting your breath,
Brockman?

867
00:48:08,427 --> 00:48:09,802
You're dealing with an aborigine.

868
00:48:09,803 --> 00:48:11,888
You don't mind killing the unborn,

869
00:48:11,889 --> 00:48:14,140
but when some fiend
has raped and murdered,

870
00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:16,142
you're against giving him
that big old injection?

871
00:48:16,143 --> 00:48:19,854
Well, not me, Mr. Genius, and I don't care
how many Academy Awards you've won.

872
00:48:19,855 --> 00:48:23,941
I've never won an Academy Award
and I've never played for the Yankees!

873
00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:28,195
- Where's the little girI's? Thank you.
- It's back there.

874
00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:32,132
Don't forget to sing
The Star-Spangled Bannerbeforeyou sit.

875
00:48:44,796 --> 00:48:46,505
Excuse me. Excuse me.

876
00:48:46,506 --> 00:48:50,843
I realize this is forward, but who's
that beautiful young girl you're with?

877
00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:53,137
May I ask why you want to know?

878
00:48:53,138 --> 00:48:57,825
Well, because she's very beautiful.
And I'm assuming she's your daughter?

879
00:49:01,647 --> 00:49:04,023
What did you say your name was, darling?

880
00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:07,109
- Randy. Randy Lee James.
- Randy Lee James.

881
00:49:07,110 --> 00:49:08,194
Nice to meet you.

882
00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:09,904
It's too good. I think they're putting
mayonnaise in here.

883
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:12,823
- No, they can't put mayonnaise in hummus.
- Hello.

884
00:49:12,824 --> 00:49:14,033
Oh, thank you.

885
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:17,244
- Who were you talking to?
- I wasn't talking to anybody. Nobody.

886
00:49:17,245 --> 00:49:19,747
Listen, listen,
I wanna go someplace fun.

887
00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:22,249
Take me someplace fun!
It's New York! Let's go.

888
00:49:22,250 --> 00:49:24,210
Boris, where can I take her that's fun?

889
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:25,378
How about the Holocaust Museum?

890
00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:26,837
- Oh, for God's sake, Boris.
- No.

891
00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:29,048
- Oh, the wax! The wax figures.
- Oh, yes.

892
00:49:29,049 --> 00:49:31,842
- Yes, yes, let's go. Come on.
- Let's do that.

893
00:49:31,843 --> 00:49:33,970
- It was so nice to meet you, Leo.
- You, too. Have a nice day.

894
00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:36,889
- Bye. Bye, bye.
- Bye.

895
00:49:36,890 --> 00:49:38,516
Have fun!

896
00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:42,228
You know, I have to say,
even with a textbook right-wing mentality,

897
00:49:42,229 --> 00:49:45,106
your mother-in-law has
beautifully shaped breasts.

898
00:49:45,107 --> 00:49:47,692
You know, you're a man of learning,

899
00:49:47,693 --> 00:49:50,903
of cultivation of aesthetic sensibility.

900
00:49:50,904 --> 00:49:53,531
This is what you take away
from the school-prayer hokum

901
00:49:53,532 --> 00:49:55,866
and "my country right or wrong"?
Her bosom?

902
00:49:55,867 --> 00:50:00,763
It's not just her bosom.
Her behind is also beautifully contoured.

903
00:50:01,581 --> 00:50:03,666
Well, I'm sure you'll have no problem
getting her into bed.

904
00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:06,544
She's vulnerable,
she's stupid and she's been abandoned.

905
00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:08,254
Personally, I lose all erotic inclination

906
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:10,881
when the woman's a member
of the National Rifle Association.

907
00:50:10,882 --> 00:50:12,800
It's pear-shaped.

908
00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:17,054
Degas used to distinguish between
an apple-shaped behind and pear-shaped.

909
00:50:17,055 --> 00:50:19,239
And I'm a big fruit eater.

910
00:50:19,433 --> 00:50:21,992
- Melody.
- That's so weird.

911
00:50:22,894 --> 00:50:25,271
Oh, my God. Oh, hello.

912
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:28,065
- They're made out of real wax, too.
- Oh, it's Billy. Billy...

913
00:50:28,066 --> 00:50:29,917
Billy Graham!

914
00:50:30,068 --> 00:50:34,655
Oh, sweet pea, sweet pea, this is the kind
of man you should be married to,

915
00:50:34,656 --> 00:50:36,449
not that Communist
who sings Happy Birthday

916
00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:38,784
every time he washes his hands.

917
00:50:38,785 --> 00:50:40,745
How long are you staying, Mom?

918
00:50:40,746 --> 00:50:43,330
Honey, I don't know where else to go.

919
00:50:43,331 --> 00:50:47,418
I have nothing to hold onto. Nothing!
I have to have something.

920
00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:51,589
I mean, I'm never going to attract a man
again, but you can. Yes.

921
00:50:51,590 --> 00:50:53,132
I don't want to get in an argument.

922
00:50:53,133 --> 00:50:56,260
Honey, I met a young man today
who is perfect for you.

923
00:50:56,261 --> 00:50:57,803
- Mom!
- Yes. Listen to me.

924
00:50:57,804 --> 00:51:00,097
He is talented, handsome, sweet,

925
00:51:00,098 --> 00:51:03,642
and he has the proper reverence for life
and its higher purpose.

926
00:51:03,643 --> 00:51:05,102
What are you talking about?

927
00:51:05,103 --> 00:51:07,438
Face it, Melody,
Boris is not like a real husband.

928
00:51:07,439 --> 00:51:10,483
He's more of an outpatient
and you're his keeper.

929
00:51:10,484 --> 00:51:12,818
I really wish you hadn't showed up, Mom.

930
00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,947
- His name is Randy Lee James.
- Who?

931
00:51:16,948 --> 00:51:19,909
This delightful young actor.
He fell in love with you at first sight.

932
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:22,161
- He did. He did.
- Mom, I'm married!

933
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:25,790
I refuse to recognize it.
What are you doing with a gimpy chess bum

934
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:29,752
who has to sleep with the light on?
How'd he get that limp?

935
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,171
He jumped out the window
and his suicide didn't work.

936
00:51:32,172 --> 00:51:34,840
Well, you can't win them all. Now, listen,

937
00:51:34,841 --> 00:51:37,510
I have a good law yer
who can get all ofthis annulled.

938
00:51:37,511 --> 00:51:40,638
- All of it. Yes. Yes.
- No, no, Mom, no, you're crazy!

939
00:51:40,639 --> 00:51:42,322
Oh, hello.

940
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:47,828
Happy birthday, dear Boris
Happy birthday to you

941
00:51:48,146 --> 00:51:52,483
Happy birthday to you

942
00:51:52,484 --> 00:51:55,669
Happy birthday, dear Boris

943
00:51:55,904 --> 00:51:59,923
Happy birthday to you

944
00:52:02,494 --> 00:52:06,497
- Who could be calling at midnight?
- Could be burglars, casing the place.

945
00:52:06,498 --> 00:52:10,809
- To steal what? Your Flomax?
- Hello?

946
00:52:11,711 --> 00:52:13,312
Oh, hi.

947
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:15,898
Yeah, just a second.

948
00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:17,900
- It's for me?
- Yes.

949
00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:20,845
Don't give away any information about me!

950
00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:22,555
Hello? Oh, hello, Leo.

951
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:24,849
- It's Leo Brockman.
- Brockman?

952
00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:26,408
Really?

953
00:52:27,352 --> 00:52:29,870
Well, that sounds wonderful.

954
00:52:31,356 --> 00:52:35,375
Well, yeah, Sunday's fine. Yeah.

955
00:52:35,527 --> 00:52:38,712
3:00? Well, 3:00's perfect.

956
00:52:39,531 --> 00:52:42,533
Okay. Yeah. See you, darling.

957
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:47,429
"See you, darling"? "See you, darling"?
Oh, God, poor Brockman!

958
00:52:47,455 --> 00:52:49,039
Good night, y'all.

959
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:52,935
I'm going to say my prayers.
I'm praying Brockman has herpes.

960
00:52:54,296 --> 00:52:58,757
That was so wonderful! I never in my life
saw a movie in Japanese before.

961
00:52:58,758 --> 00:53:00,426
- Did you like it?
- Oh, yes!

962
00:53:00,427 --> 00:53:03,137
I've never seen a movie
made by a foreigner.

963
00:53:03,138 --> 00:53:08,075
John, my husband, took me to see
stupid movies, which was all there was.

964
00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:10,436
How do you say this? "Chateau" what?

965
00:53:10,437 --> 00:53:11,729
Meyney.

966
00:53:11,730 --> 00:53:13,230
- The what?
- Meyney.

967
00:53:13,231 --> 00:53:15,249
- Meyney?
- Yeah.

968
00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:19,086
- It is so delicious.
- I'm glad you like it.

969
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:23,824
What do you do? What do you do, Leo?

970
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:27,369
I teach philosophy at the university
around the corner.

971
00:53:27,370 --> 00:53:30,806
Tell me something.
Is Boris really a genius?

972
00:53:31,124 --> 00:53:33,959
There was a time
when he was a very fine physicist.

973
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:38,130
Yeah, your daughter's very good for Boris.
It's my theory that she keeps him going.

974
00:53:38,131 --> 00:53:41,567
Would you like to see
some pretty pictures of Melody?

975
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,402
Goodness.

976
00:53:45,096 --> 00:53:47,864
- Well, all right.
- Okay.

977
00:53:48,475 --> 00:53:51,493
Look, here they are.
Look at these.

978
00:53:52,145 --> 00:53:55,064
Right there, that's where she is
Miss... Miss Natchez.

979
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:56,826
- Wow.
- Look at her. And...

980
00:53:56,827 --> 00:53:59,109
she was Miss Tupelo.

981
00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:01,155
Oh, God!
Look how gorgeous she is!

982
00:54:01,156 --> 00:54:03,239
She's so beautiful.
I love her! I love her!

983
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:05,032
- Very lovely.
- I was so proud of her.

984
00:54:05,033 --> 00:54:06,659
These pictures
are kind of interesting.

985
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:08,369
I know! She's just gorgeous!

986
00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:10,788
And she has this...
She's just my little sweet pea.

987
00:54:10,789 --> 00:54:12,998
I mean the photos.
Did you take them?

988
00:54:12,999 --> 00:54:14,083
Um...

989
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,852
- Yes. Yes.
- And this?

990
00:54:17,637 --> 00:54:22,049
Oh, that's our house. Ah...
well, it was. Is there more wine?

991
00:54:22,050 --> 00:54:23,842
Yeah. You took all these?

992
00:54:23,843 --> 00:54:26,178
Yes, with my little old Kodak.

993
00:54:26,179 --> 00:54:27,638
Ah'ha...

994
00:54:27,639 --> 00:54:29,117
These are outstanding.
I mean,

995
00:54:29,118 --> 00:54:31,684
there's such a sense of...
texture and composition.

996
00:54:31,685 --> 00:54:33,560
In these? No.

997
00:54:33,561 --> 00:54:35,437
No, I mean it.
I know what I'm talking about.

998
00:54:35,438 --> 00:54:38,649
I occasionally write about
the aesthetics of photography.

999
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:41,026
Oh, my God.
I have to tell you something.

1000
00:54:41,027 --> 00:54:44,530
Aside from Melody's career, there is
nothing, nothing in the whole world...

1001
00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:47,241
that gave me more pleasure
than taking those snapshots.

1002
00:54:47,242 --> 00:54:51,578
Of course, John... Cheers. John hated
them and didn't want me to do it.

1003
00:54:51,579 --> 00:54:53,722
- Why?
- Well,

1004
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,709
he actually was fine,
and then I set up this darkroom...

1005
00:54:56,710 --> 00:55:00,713
and he thought I was, like,
squandering all this time on silliness

1006
00:55:00,714 --> 00:55:02,423
and I guess he had a point, but...

1007
00:55:02,424 --> 00:55:04,758
I mean, nowadays,
who uses a Kodak anymore?

1008
00:55:04,759 --> 00:55:08,762
It's a little Kodak, and I have
to tell you something, it is fantas...

1009
00:55:08,763 --> 00:55:11,140
It is so simple to use.
It's, it's tiny!

1010
00:55:11,141 --> 00:55:12,975
I picked it up at, like,
a garage sale...

1011
00:55:12,976 --> 00:55:16,729
and it just is so much better
than those big foreign ones.

1012
00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:19,001
No, they're pretty good.
They've got a real...

1013
00:55:19,002 --> 00:55:21,275
haunting quality.
They're very primitive.

1014
00:55:21,276 --> 00:55:24,403
I really think you should talk
to my friend Al Morgenstern.

1015
00:55:24,404 --> 00:55:25,904
He runs a photography gallery.

1016
00:55:25,905 --> 00:55:28,632
- Why?
- Have you got more of these?

1017
00:55:29,451 --> 00:55:32,828
Oh, Lord, yes. You know,
all my travels with the pageants.

1018
00:55:32,829 --> 00:55:37,708
I have the kids and the towns
and the winners. And the losers!

1019
00:55:37,709 --> 00:55:40,961
The losers are the best.
And then I have all these show folk,

1020
00:55:40,962 --> 00:55:42,181
the twirlers, the magicians,

1021
00:55:42,182 --> 00:55:44,465
the fire eaters, you know,
things like that.

1022
00:55:44,466 --> 00:55:46,925
They're amazing. They've got
such an original quality.

1023
00:55:46,926 --> 00:55:48,719
I'll talk to Al first thing
in the morning.

1024
00:55:48,720 --> 00:55:51,638
Oh, no. You know,
I think you're making too much...

1025
00:55:51,639 --> 00:55:54,266
over a little gift
the good Lord Jesus gave me.

1026
00:55:54,267 --> 00:55:57,093
That's not the only gift
he gave you.

1027
00:56:00,106 --> 00:56:02,003
You know those clean-cut,

1028
00:56:02,004 --> 00:56:05,277
churchgoing young men,
who are model kids,

1029
00:56:05,278 --> 00:56:08,755
and good to their neighbors
and quote the Bible,

1030
00:56:08,782 --> 00:56:12,451
and never do a wrong thing,
and then one day,

1031
00:56:12,452 --> 00:56:14,119
for whatever reason,

1032
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:18,390
they grab a rifle, go to a tower
and pick off everyone in town?

1033
00:56:18,625 --> 00:56:21,518
Okay, this is her, but sexually.

1034
00:56:21,961 --> 00:56:23,253
She slept with Leo Brockman,

1035
00:56:23,254 --> 00:56:26,632
never having been to bed
with anyone before but her husband,

1036
00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:29,760
and suddenly,
the genie was outta the bottle!

1037
00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:31,297
She liked sleeping
with Brockman,

1038
00:56:31,298 --> 00:56:33,680
and she liked sleeping
with Brockman's friends,

1039
00:56:33,681 --> 00:56:37,743
Brockman's acquaintances, Brockman's
acquaintances' acquaintances.

1040
00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:41,647
Brockman took her photos
to Morgenstern. He loved them.

1041
00:56:41,648 --> 00:56:43,857
He decided to show them
in his gallery.

1042
00:56:43,858 --> 00:56:47,486
When he did, evectone thought they
were great. A brilliant primitive.

1043
00:56:47,487 --> 00:56:50,656
Soon Morgenstern would
become smitten with her.

1044
00:56:50,657 --> 00:56:54,660
First she moved in with Brockman.
Then she moved in with Morgenstern.

1045
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:57,496
Then she moved in with
Brockman and Morgenstern.

1046
00:56:57,497 --> 00:56:59,915
She started dabbling
with collages.

1047
00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:03,477
Small ones at first,
but they would become bolder.

1048
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:06,130
She started
dressing differently.

1049
00:57:06,131 --> 00:57:08,621
Soon all her deep-rooted beliefs
went right down the toilet,

1050
00:57:08,622 --> 00:57:10,401
where they belonged.

1051
00:57:11,136 --> 00:57:16,114
She experimented with exotic
pleasures, a new Marietta was born.

1052
00:57:16,850 --> 00:57:21,061
The one thing that remained constant,
she hated her son-in-law.

1053
00:57:21,062 --> 00:57:22,572
Well, there's some pictures
over there.

1054
00:57:22,573 --> 00:57:25,373
Oh, yes, maybe that. Okay.

1055
00:57:26,317 --> 00:57:27,745
What'd you think, Mom?

1056
00:57:27,746 --> 00:57:29,528
I'm not sure, you know,
it's for this collage,

1057
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:34,758
and I've had this vision in black
and white of nude men, women,

1058
00:57:35,034 --> 00:57:37,219
body parts, squares.

1059
00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:39,246
That sounds confusing.

1060
00:57:39,247 --> 00:57:42,682
- Well, it's an homage to lust. Yeah.
- To lust.

1061
00:57:53,261 --> 00:57:54,945
Excuse me.

1062
00:57:55,054 --> 00:57:57,055
Hi, I need a female opinion.

1063
00:57:57,056 --> 00:58:01,243
Which of these two would
a young woman prefer? I can't decide.

1064
00:58:02,437 --> 00:58:05,230
I don't know.
They're both so beautiful.

1065
00:58:05,231 --> 00:58:08,166
It depends. What type is she?

1066
00:58:08,568 --> 00:58:11,737
Well, she's quite young
and very lovely-looking.

1067
00:58:11,738 --> 00:58:14,214
Blonde hair. Blue eyes.

1068
00:58:14,407 --> 00:58:16,241
Yeah, but what's she like?

1069
00:58:16,242 --> 00:58:18,596
Well, okay... um.
She's from the South,

1070
00:58:18,597 --> 00:58:21,079
although she lives
here in New York now.

1071
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:22,931
- Really?
- Yeah.

1072
00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:25,417
And she's a nanny. I mean,
well, to tell you the truth,

1073
00:58:25,418 --> 00:58:26,960
she's actually living
with some man.

1074
00:58:26,961 --> 00:58:30,589
I mean, they're married, although
he's not the best she can do.

1075
00:58:30,590 --> 00:58:32,466
And she thinks she loves him,
but it's only because...

1076
00:58:32,467 --> 00:58:35,268
she mistakes his
pessimistic despair for wisdom,

1077
00:58:35,269 --> 00:58:37,320
believing he's a genius.

1078
00:58:39,807 --> 00:58:42,478
I'd say she's more of a nurse
to him than a wife,

1079
00:58:42,479 --> 00:58:45,328
because he's much older
than she is.

1080
00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:49,916
That sounds so familiar.

1081
00:58:50,109 --> 00:58:53,378
I just can't...
I can't put my finger on it.

1082
00:58:53,446 --> 00:58:57,090
- It's sorta like mine, actually. Yeah.
- It is?

1083
00:58:57,283 --> 00:59:01,636
I mean, not exactly, but I can't help
but seeing some similarities.

1084
00:59:02,163 --> 00:59:04,806
- I'd say that one.
- Okay.

1085
00:59:15,426 --> 00:59:16,943
Here.

1086
00:59:17,303 --> 00:59:21,156
- Here what? For me?
- It's for you.

1087
00:59:21,307 --> 00:59:24,643
Yes, I thought I'd buy you
something lovely.

1088
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:27,980
Oh, no, I can't accept a gift
from a stranger.

1089
00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:30,190
- Well, why not?
- I'm married.

1090
00:59:30,191 --> 00:59:32,667
Yes, but it may not
last forever.

1091
00:59:33,194 --> 00:59:36,488
Well, you know,
nothing lasts forever. Not even...

1092
00:59:36,489 --> 00:59:40,592
Shakespeare or Michelangelo

1093
00:59:40,660 --> 00:59:42,510
or Greek people.

1094
00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:45,205
I mean, even as we're standing
here talking right now,

1095
00:59:45,206 --> 00:59:48,975
we're just flying apart
at an unimaginable speed.

1096
00:59:49,043 --> 00:59:52,354
- Gee, I never thought of it that way.
- Yeah.

1097
00:59:53,506 --> 00:59:57,025
Should we be holding each other
so we don't fall?

1098
00:59:57,885 --> 01:00:02,598
Well, you have to hold onto whatever
love you can in this cruel existence.

1099
01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:04,516
Speaking of love,

1100
01:00:04,517 --> 01:00:07,519
I've been in love with you ever
since that first moment I saw you,

1101
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:11,081
and met your mother at
the Mogador Café many months ago.

1102
01:00:14,027 --> 01:00:15,944
Oh, you're... You're...

1103
01:00:15,945 --> 01:00:18,447
- Did my mother...
- Randy James.

1104
01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:22,634
Oh, the actor! Of course.
I can hear your accent now.

1105
01:00:22,744 --> 01:00:24,661
Oh, my mother talks
about you all the time,

1106
01:00:24,662 --> 01:00:26,371
and she's always telling me
I have to meet you...

1107
01:00:26,372 --> 01:00:28,165
and I'm saying, "Why?
Why do I have to meet him?"

1108
01:00:28,166 --> 01:00:30,584
"But he's so good-looking!"
And, yeah, you are.

1109
01:00:30,585 --> 01:00:32,836
Thank you. I've moved
to New York permanently now...

1110
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:35,213
and I live in a houseboat
with a friend of mine.

1111
01:00:35,214 --> 01:00:37,899
- You live on a boat?
- Yes, I do.

1112
01:00:38,051 --> 01:00:40,802
I'm very romantic by nature,
so I live on a boat...

1113
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:43,889
and I read and think
and play my flute...

1114
01:00:43,890 --> 01:00:46,308
- Mom?
- Oh, be still, Melody.

1115
01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:48,334
There's nothing wrong
with expanding your horizons.

1116
01:00:48,335 --> 01:00:51,063
I certainly expanded mine.

1117
01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:53,899
You know what?
I'm really sorry, but I...

1118
01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:56,401
I think that my mother badly
gave you the wrong impression,

1119
01:00:56,402 --> 01:00:58,028
because I'm happily married.

1120
01:00:58,029 --> 01:01:00,241
No, no, no, no, no, no,
she's not, Randy.

1121
01:01:00,242 --> 01:01:03,091
She's nursemaid to a roach.
He is.

1122
01:01:03,701 --> 01:01:06,594
Goodbye, Mother.
Goodbye, Mr. James.

1123
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:11,249
I told you
you'd get the hang of it.

1124
01:01:11,250 --> 01:01:13,302
Okay, you know what?
Let's just stop. Let's stop.

1125
01:01:13,303 --> 01:01:16,046
- Stop?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, stop, stop.

1126
01:01:16,047 --> 01:01:17,141
- Yeah.
- All right.

1127
01:01:17,142 --> 01:01:20,241
I need to sit,
for... for a minute.

1128
01:01:20,259 --> 01:01:22,187
You know, I'm just doing it
for the aerobics, anyway.

1129
01:01:22,188 --> 01:01:23,470
Otherwise, it's moronic.

1130
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:24,930
I think it's relaxing.

1131
01:01:24,931 --> 01:01:28,684
Relaxing? What? Are you kidding?
It's too nerve-wracking.

1132
01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:33,271
To mingle with all those sub-mentals
on bicycles? It's like driving a car.

1133
01:01:33,272 --> 01:01:36,900
Those hostile, belligerent morons
all get driver's licenses.

1134
01:01:36,901 --> 01:01:41,279
Of course, to have children, you don't
need a license. No proof of anything.

1135
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:44,408
You need a license to fish.
You need a license to be a barber.

1136
01:01:44,409 --> 01:01:46,326
You need a license
to sell hot dogs.

1137
01:01:46,327 --> 01:01:48,995
You know, you read about
these poor kids, beaten and starved,

1138
01:01:48,996 --> 01:01:51,206
you wonder, why... why are these
parents allowed to even have them?

1139
01:01:51,207 --> 01:01:53,283
Okay, Boris, Boris.

1140
01:01:53,793 --> 01:01:55,726
You know, sometimes I think
you're so determined...

1141
01:01:55,727 --> 01:01:57,879
not to enjoy
anything in life,

1142
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,381
just outta spite.

1143
01:01:59,382 --> 01:02:01,425
You know, like a child
who's throwing a tantrum,

1144
01:02:01,426 --> 01:02:03,343
because he can't have
his own way.

1145
01:02:03,344 --> 01:02:05,653
Wow! Listen to you!

1146
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:10,809
That's a reasonably wise insight
for a simple-minded type like yourself.

1147
01:02:10,810 --> 01:02:15,663
Honestly. Yeah, you surprise and
delight me sometimes, you know that?

1148
01:02:16,983 --> 01:02:20,835
I really don't know what I'd do
without you, seriously.

1149
01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:23,254
What're you doing with that?

1150
01:02:23,322 --> 01:02:27,967
This? Nothing.
I just got it at the flea market.

1151
01:02:27,994 --> 01:02:31,705
- Who needs an antique handkerchief?
- I thought it was pretty.

1152
01:02:31,706 --> 01:02:35,975
Yeah, but God knows throughout
history who blew his nose in it.

1153
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:39,671
- Marietta? Honey?
- Yes, darling?

1154
01:02:39,672 --> 01:02:42,549
I think you should include these
photos at your opening next week.

1155
01:02:42,550 --> 01:02:44,343
I love those photos.
Al, what'd you think?

1156
01:02:44,344 --> 01:02:45,427
I chose those.

1157
01:02:45,428 --> 01:02:46,511
- Oh, you did?
- Absolutely.

1158
01:02:46,512 --> 01:02:47,929
- Sweetheart, you've managed to make...
- Thank you.

1159
01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:49,806
an existential statement about...

1160
01:02:49,807 --> 01:02:52,100
- sexual perversity and human freedom.
- Who? Yes.

1161
01:02:52,101 --> 01:02:54,019
- It's so full of erotic imagination.
- Okay, hold on a sec.

1162
01:02:54,020 --> 01:02:56,313
- Oh, thank you so much! Thank you!
- Marietta?

1163
01:02:56,314 --> 01:03:00,542
- Who is it?
- Somebody named Randy Jones?

1164
01:03:00,651 --> 01:03:02,486
Oh, Randy, Randy James.

1165
01:03:02,487 --> 01:03:04,838
Hello? Hello? Hey!

1166
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:07,382
Young man, hello, hello!

1167
01:03:07,700 --> 01:03:10,869
Listen, she's going to be
at Uniqlo at around three.

1168
01:03:10,870 --> 01:03:13,872
You can run into her
and try your luck.

1169
01:03:13,873 --> 01:03:15,923
You know, she saved
the handkerchief you gave her,

1170
01:03:15,924 --> 01:03:17,876
so it's not a hopeless cause.

1171
01:03:17,877 --> 01:03:20,481
And I'm telling you,
I saw fire behind her eyes.

1172
01:03:20,482 --> 01:03:23,231
Fire. Yeah.
Good luck, darling.

1173
01:03:24,091 --> 01:03:27,093
- Who was that?
- Oh, nothing. Come on, gumbo! Let's go.

1174
01:03:27,094 --> 01:03:29,554
Who'd have ever thought that gumbo
would become my favorite dinner?

1175
01:03:29,555 --> 01:03:32,115
All this and she cooks, too.

1176
01:03:37,980 --> 01:03:40,540
Oh, my God! Hello.

1177
01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:44,569
So I guess you just happened to
be shopping here. Right?

1178
01:03:44,570 --> 01:03:47,572
Well, I was buying this shirt,
if you must know.

1179
01:03:47,573 --> 01:03:49,074
You like it?

1180
01:03:49,075 --> 01:03:51,301
- It's okay.
- Just okay?

1181
01:03:51,410 --> 01:03:53,370
I thought it'd make me
look dashing.

1182
01:03:53,371 --> 01:03:55,372
Looks aren't your problem.

1183
01:03:55,373 --> 01:03:56,748
Oh, no? What is?

1184
01:03:56,749 --> 01:03:57,958
You're too forward.

1185
01:03:57,959 --> 01:04:01,644
- I think about you a lot.
- Well, I don't think about you.

1186
01:04:02,046 --> 01:04:06,091
So what's it like
being married to a genius?

1187
01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:07,926
Who wants to know?

1188
01:04:07,927 --> 01:04:11,263
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to be a boor, I just...

1189
01:04:11,264 --> 01:04:13,431
Just that, well, you know.

1190
01:04:13,432 --> 01:04:16,034
It has its pluses and minuses.

1191
01:04:16,102 --> 01:04:19,120
Yes? And what are the drawbacks?

1192
01:04:19,605 --> 01:04:21,606
I don't know. I mean...

1193
01:04:21,607 --> 01:04:24,025
Well, naturally,
with a very advanced mind,

1194
01:04:24,026 --> 01:04:27,378
you find a lotta things
wrong with everything...

1195
01:04:27,446 --> 01:04:29,155
and, mainly,
he just doesn't like people.

1196
01:04:29,156 --> 01:04:30,574
You know, he says
at the rate they're going,

1197
01:04:30,575 --> 01:04:32,284
they're going to make
themselves extinct.

1198
01:04:32,285 --> 01:04:33,801
Right.

1199
01:04:33,953 --> 01:04:37,873
It can just be exhausting
being around a genius all the time.

1200
01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:41,893
So what are the pluses of being
the wife of such a dazzling mind?

1201
01:04:42,461 --> 01:04:45,271
- Well, he's smart.
- You said that.

1202
01:04:45,506 --> 01:04:47,315
He's clever.

1203
01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:52,654
He really means well, you know?
He's just a little crazy.

1204
01:04:53,973 --> 01:04:57,934
I guess the good part is that
I'm the wife of a genius,

1205
01:04:57,935 --> 01:05:00,312
which I never really thought
I could swing.

1206
01:05:00,313 --> 01:05:01,829
Why not?

1207
01:05:02,648 --> 01:05:05,875
I guess I thought
I'd have to be smarter.

1208
01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:10,780
You want to see my boat? I mean,
my friend's boat, where I live?

1209
01:05:10,781 --> 01:05:15,468
- I don't think that's a good idea.
- I dreamt about you last night. I...

1210
01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:19,039
Don't use that line. Because Boris said
that he dreamt about me last night.

1211
01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:20,957
And I really doubt
it's mathematically possible

1212
01:05:20,958 --> 01:05:24,018
for me to be in two dreams
at one time.

1213
01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:32,277
It's down there,
on the right-hand side.

1214
01:05:34,972 --> 01:05:40,118
Well, this is it. It's not much, but
it's home and I don't pay rent, so...

1215
01:05:40,353 --> 01:05:43,229
This is kind of sweet,
living on the water.

1216
01:05:43,230 --> 01:05:46,916
It rocks just the tiniest bit,
so I sleep like a baby on it.

1217
01:05:48,402 --> 01:05:51,571
Randy, I don't know
what I'm doing here! I'm married!

1218
01:05:51,572 --> 01:05:53,698
That doesn't mean
I can't have feelings for you.

1219
01:05:53,699 --> 01:05:55,241
You don't really know me.

1220
01:05:55,242 --> 01:05:58,912
Yes, but I'm a romantic
and I believe in love at first sight.

1221
01:05:58,913 --> 01:06:02,082
Well, that's true. You know,
Boris says that love isn't logical.

1222
01:06:02,083 --> 01:06:06,311
And I adore the way you talk
and the funny things you say.

1223
01:06:07,546 --> 01:06:09,564
Where can it lead?

1224
01:06:09,757 --> 01:06:12,050
Let's drink to love
at first sight.

1225
01:06:12,051 --> 01:06:15,971
I can't. When I drink,
I get very silly and touchy and...

1226
01:06:15,972 --> 01:06:19,391
That's what your mum said. That's why
I bought the bottle. She's quite a mum.

1227
01:06:19,392 --> 01:06:21,768
Don't use that locution.
It's for inchworms.

1228
01:06:21,769 --> 01:06:23,286
Sorry.

1229
01:06:25,314 --> 01:06:27,457
Is that you in the picture?

1230
01:06:27,566 --> 01:06:30,485
Yeah. That's me in Juno
and the Paycock...

1231
01:06:30,486 --> 01:06:32,904
I bet you're a really good actor.

1232
01:06:32,905 --> 01:06:35,965
I try. Although I'll never
be a genius.

1233
01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:39,911
You certainly are handsome enough
to be a star.

1234
01:06:39,912 --> 01:06:43,097
Thank you.
I'll cherish that compliment.

1235
01:06:48,462 --> 01:06:51,314
- Oh, my God.
- What are you thinking?

1236
01:06:51,340 --> 01:06:54,359
- Entropy.
- Entropy?

1237
01:06:54,468 --> 01:06:56,803
Yeah, entropy.
Boris explained it.

1238
01:06:56,804 --> 01:07:00,306
It's why you can't get
the toothpaste back in the tube.

1239
01:07:00,307 --> 01:07:01,949
You mean,

1240
01:07:02,977 --> 01:07:07,705
once something happens, it's difficult
to put it back the way it was?

1241
01:07:07,815 --> 01:07:10,859
I mean, Boris says
love is all about luck.

1242
01:07:10,860 --> 01:07:13,570
I think so, too,
but isn't that just because...

1243
01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:15,488
we're young and we think
we're gonna live forever...

1244
01:07:15,489 --> 01:07:18,074
and then we grow old
and get diabetes, and...

1245
01:07:18,075 --> 01:07:19,592
Maybe.

1246
01:07:19,660 --> 01:07:24,013
Look, I do agree there's not much
you can be sure of in this world, but...

1247
01:07:24,248 --> 01:07:27,834
Have you ever heard of Heisenberg's
Uncertainty Principle?

1248
01:07:27,835 --> 01:07:29,627
I've heard of it, yeah.

1249
01:07:29,628 --> 01:07:33,189
You know, the observer
influences the experiment?

1250
01:07:34,258 --> 01:07:36,134
It's just like...

1251
01:07:36,135 --> 01:07:38,595
when my mother makes love to one
of the guys she's living with...

1252
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:40,805
a certain way
when they're alone,

1253
01:07:40,806 --> 01:07:45,159
but when she's in front of the
other guy, she does it differently.

1254
01:07:45,311 --> 01:07:47,328
Is that Heisenberg?

1255
01:07:47,813 --> 01:07:50,331
I had no idea he was so sexual.

1256
01:07:56,781 --> 01:08:00,158
Wait. I always carry
some Viagra with me.

1257
01:08:00,159 --> 01:08:03,136
That's all right.
I eat a lot of red meat.

1258
01:08:21,222 --> 01:08:24,198
I really like the way
these pants fit.

1259
01:08:27,686 --> 01:08:31,747
Hey, are you okay?
You seem awfully quiet lately.

1260
01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:33,708
Yeah.

1261
01:08:34,276 --> 01:08:36,861
We're going to be late
for Mom's gallery opening.

1262
01:08:36,862 --> 01:08:38,530
I hope you're not coming down
with anything.

1263
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:41,533
You know, Brodsky's kid's
got the measles.

1264
01:08:41,534 --> 01:08:45,411
Can you still get the measles?
I had a shot when I was younger,

1265
01:08:45,412 --> 01:08:47,805
but how long does it last?

1266
01:08:50,417 --> 01:08:51,876
Who's that?

1267
01:08:51,877 --> 01:08:54,896
I don't know.
I'm not expecting anyone.

1268
01:08:58,134 --> 01:08:59,759
- Melody!
- Daddy!

1269
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:02,137
Oh, my little girl,
I found you!

1270
01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:04,641
Oh, Lord, your mother and I
searched and searched,

1271
01:09:04,642 --> 01:09:05,932
but then we ran out of leads.

1272
01:09:05,933 --> 01:09:08,017
I used every connection
I had at the police force.

1273
01:09:08,018 --> 01:09:10,270
We even called the FBl!
But you're okay.

1274
01:09:10,271 --> 01:09:12,856
Things are going to be fine now.
Your ordeal is over.

1275
01:09:12,857 --> 01:09:14,107
What ordeal?

1276
01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:16,651
You were abducted!
Tell me if my theory is correct.

1277
01:09:16,652 --> 01:09:19,070
You were chloroformed
by polygamous Mormons.

1278
01:09:19,071 --> 01:09:20,572
They took you off
to be someone's bride!

1279
01:09:20,573 --> 01:09:23,658
I was not abducted.
Didn't anybody read my letters?

1280
01:09:23,659 --> 01:09:26,786
Yeah, but I assumed you were forced
to... to write them at gunpoint.

1281
01:09:26,787 --> 01:09:28,329
- Who's this?
- Who are you?

1282
01:09:28,330 --> 01:09:30,748
- This is Boris, my husband.
- Boris, your who?

1283
01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:33,209
He's my husband.
I'm Mrs. Boris Yellnikoff.

1284
01:09:33,210 --> 01:09:35,003
- Who are you?
- I'm her husband.

1285
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:37,130
You want to pass out here
or go in the living room?

1286
01:09:37,131 --> 01:09:38,423
Where's your mother?

1287
01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:40,508
What do you care?
You cheated on her and then...

1288
01:09:40,509 --> 01:09:42,594
dumped her for Mandy Blackburn,
of all people!

1289
01:09:42,595 --> 01:09:45,263
I made a terrible mistake,
I committed the sin of self-indulgence.

1290
01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:47,140
I've come to beg
your mother's forgiveness.

1291
01:09:47,141 --> 01:09:49,601
- You might wanna rethink that, Daddy.
- I want to see her.

1292
01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:51,603
I see death by culture shock.

1293
01:09:51,604 --> 01:09:54,147
You can tell me, Melody,
she has every right to hate me.

1294
01:09:54,148 --> 01:09:55,607
And she does, believe me.

1295
01:09:55,608 --> 01:09:57,400
I can handle the truth.
Does she hate me?

1296
01:09:57,401 --> 01:10:00,320
Well, it was a pretty awful thing
you did with her best friend.

1297
01:10:00,321 --> 01:10:01,401
Then she hates me?

1298
01:10:01,402 --> 01:10:03,615
Yes, yes, she hates you!
I can't stand this.

1299
01:10:03,616 --> 01:10:05,450
I hate you and I just met you!

1300
01:10:05,451 --> 01:10:07,702
Lord, you tell me
this creature took you to bed?

1301
01:10:07,703 --> 01:10:11,456
- No, no, no, no. Actually, she took me.
- Yeah, when I met Boris, he hated sex.

1302
01:10:11,457 --> 01:10:14,500
Yeah, think of it, Mr. Celestine.
The absurd choreography,

1303
01:10:14,501 --> 01:10:18,087
like a sewing machine, up and down,
up and down, up and down,

1304
01:10:18,088 --> 01:10:19,881
toward what end?
Making more children?

1305
01:10:19,882 --> 01:10:21,174
What the hell
you're talking about?

1306
01:10:21,175 --> 01:10:24,636
Reproducing the species
over and over. Toward what goal?

1307
01:10:24,637 --> 01:10:26,554
Carrying out what moronic design?

1308
01:10:26,555 --> 01:10:28,932
- What happened to Mandy?
- It was a mess, a nightmare.

1309
01:10:28,933 --> 01:10:31,726
Lord, I've sinned!
Please forgive me.

1310
01:10:31,727 --> 01:10:33,888
Why do all the religious
psychotics wind up...

1311
01:10:33,889 --> 01:10:35,772
praying at my doorstep?
Can you tell me?

1312
01:10:35,773 --> 01:10:38,483
Lord, in Your infinite mercy,
I've done wrong.

1313
01:10:38,484 --> 01:10:41,669
- You wanna tell him, or should I?
- Tell me what?

1314
01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:46,173
Daddy, there's nobody out there!

1315
01:10:46,325 --> 01:10:49,869
Honest. You're praying to no one.

1316
01:10:49,870 --> 01:10:53,206
You're wasting your breath, just like
you're gonna be wasting it on Mom.

1317
01:10:53,207 --> 01:10:54,999
What? You're telling me
she met another man?

1318
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,085
- Not just a man.
- What?

1319
01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:59,174
Daddy, you couldn't expect her
to not, you know,

1320
01:10:59,175 --> 01:11:01,923
move on with her life and,
you know...

1321
01:11:01,924 --> 01:11:04,567
Oh, Lord. What's he like?

1322
01:11:04,635 --> 01:11:06,844
He's got four arms
and two noses.

1323
01:11:06,845 --> 01:11:08,346
You better butt out, stranger!

1324
01:11:08,347 --> 01:11:09,993
Melody will tell you
I don't need my shotgun...

1325
01:11:09,994 --> 01:11:11,432
to be a whole
passel of trouble.

1326
01:11:11,433 --> 01:11:14,035
Now, I wanna see Marietta!

1327
01:11:36,750 --> 01:11:40,461
Now, Dad, try and remember,
you haven't seen Mom in a year.

1328
01:11:40,462 --> 01:11:43,715
A year is not forever.
How much can a person change?

1329
01:11:43,716 --> 01:11:46,776
And with that,
they entered the gallery.

1330
01:11:58,355 --> 01:12:00,481
I had more people
than I knew what to do with.

1331
01:12:00,482 --> 01:12:05,711
Everybody said, "I'll be naked with you,
Marietta!" And I was like, "Okay".

1332
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:08,089
Oh, my God.

1333
01:12:09,116 --> 01:12:10,533
Marietta?

1334
01:12:10,534 --> 01:12:15,079
John Celestine!
Look what the cat dragged in.

1335
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:16,956
- Marietta, what happened to you?
- Oh, my God!

1336
01:12:16,957 --> 01:12:18,958
Well, darling,
it's you that absconded.

1337
01:12:18,959 --> 01:12:20,710
- He showed up at the door today.
- Whoa, whoa".Absconded"?

1338
01:12:20,711 --> 01:12:22,545
Yes, yes,
with the promiscuous whore...

1339
01:12:22,546 --> 01:12:24,172
- who called herself my best friend.
- Darling, I'll be...

1340
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:25,923
I'll find you.
Excuse me. Pardon me.

1341
01:12:25,924 --> 01:12:28,474
It's over, Marietta. Mandy and I
were a terrible mistake.

1342
01:12:28,475 --> 01:12:29,427
I've come back for you.

1343
01:12:29,428 --> 01:12:31,262
Well, honey, I'm in the middle
of my opening.

1344
01:12:31,263 --> 01:12:34,390
Yeah, Dad, this is Mom's exhibition.
Isn't it great?

1345
01:12:34,391 --> 01:12:37,518
- Exhibition of what?
- Well, the collages.

1346
01:12:37,519 --> 01:12:40,063
What? She's thinking
of buying this pornography?

1347
01:12:40,064 --> 01:12:42,148
I got news for you,
she's the pornographer.

1348
01:12:42,149 --> 01:12:44,317
Marietta, who are you?

1349
01:12:44,318 --> 01:12:46,778
John, you never
understood me, honey.

1350
01:12:46,779 --> 01:12:49,072
Your vision never extended
beyond the backyard.

1351
01:12:49,073 --> 01:12:51,616
You always had your gun clubs
and your fishing trips and football.

1352
01:12:51,617 --> 01:12:54,535
You never took a little minute
to find out about me.

1353
01:12:54,536 --> 01:12:56,454
And you were always too busy
putting her in pageants...

1354
01:12:56,455 --> 01:12:58,956
and coaching her speeches
and teaching her baton twirling!

1355
01:12:58,957 --> 01:13:02,085
Yes, yes, that's true. I was
sublimating my own creative needs...

1356
01:13:02,086 --> 01:13:03,628
and forcing them on our daughter.

1357
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:05,797
- You were what?
- Yes, she was sublimating.

1358
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:06,964
Sublimating.

1359
01:13:06,965 --> 01:13:09,300
Honey, why don't you go on back
to Mandy Blackburn?

1360
01:13:09,301 --> 01:13:11,636
Her pygmy mentality
is much closer to you now.

1361
01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:14,013
- Much closer.
- Yeah. Well, I can't go back to her.

1362
01:13:14,014 --> 01:13:17,058
- Oh, why not?
- She cast aspersions on my manhood.

1363
01:13:17,059 --> 01:13:20,478
What are we talking? Size?
Duration? Erectile dysfunction?

1364
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:22,313
Would you mind
your own business?

1365
01:13:22,314 --> 01:13:25,068
Marietta, how could you forsake
your own family?

1366
01:13:25,069 --> 01:13:27,151
I want us all back home
to start over.

1367
01:13:27,152 --> 01:13:29,670
I'm a different woman, John.

1368
01:13:30,197 --> 01:13:32,824
I can't believe
what I'm seeing. I mean...

1369
01:13:32,825 --> 01:13:35,660
Your clothes are different, your
speech is a little more affected,

1370
01:13:35,661 --> 01:13:37,662
but deep down,
I know you're the same...

1371
01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:41,165
pretty, small-town, God-fearing,
churchgoing, pie-baking...

1372
01:13:41,166 --> 01:13:42,750
I'm living with two guys.

1373
01:13:42,751 --> 01:13:44,836
Girl Scout mom. You're what?

1374
01:13:44,837 --> 01:13:48,923
I'm an artist. I don't bake pies.
I don't go to church.

1375
01:13:48,924 --> 01:13:52,343
I do collages, sculpture,
photography.

1376
01:13:52,344 --> 01:13:55,847
I live in Manhattan
with two men who I love

1377
01:13:55,848 --> 01:13:58,616
in a very happy ménage à trois.

1378
01:13:59,017 --> 01:14:01,352
- A what?
- We all sleep together.

1379
01:14:01,353 --> 01:14:03,496
A ménage à trois.

1380
01:14:04,481 --> 01:14:07,750
I knew we should never trust
the goddamn French.

1381
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:09,902
It's amazing, Melody.

1382
01:14:09,903 --> 01:14:14,031
Thousands of years ago, ancient
peoples, Egyptians, Romans, Mayans,

1383
01:14:14,032 --> 01:14:16,634
were walking home, just like us,

1384
01:14:17,161 --> 01:14:20,371
discussing where should they eat
or making small talk.

1385
01:14:20,372 --> 01:14:23,541
"Hey, we just bought a great house
on the Nile with a yard,

1386
01:14:23,542 --> 01:14:25,418
"overlooking
the Pharaoh's new pyramid".

1387
01:14:25,419 --> 01:14:28,379
- Boris...
- Or, "My, my physician says...

1388
01:14:28,380 --> 01:14:30,032
"peacock tongues
are bad for your heart".

1389
01:14:30,033 --> 01:14:31,215
Boris...

1390
01:14:31,216 --> 01:14:36,862
Or, "I'm worried I can't get my kid
into a really good Aztec preschool".

1391
01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:39,390
What the hell
does it all mean now? Zilch.

1392
01:14:39,391 --> 01:14:40,892
But they thought it was important.

1393
01:14:40,893 --> 01:14:42,560
Boris, can I talk to you
for a minute?

1394
01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:45,396
And I was raised
in a religious home.

1395
01:14:45,397 --> 01:14:49,734
Job's wife was my favorite character
in the Bible, because she chose death

1396
01:14:49,735 --> 01:14:54,213
rather than obsequious acceptance,
like that masochist she married.

1397
01:14:57,659 --> 01:15:00,203
Boris, Boris,
can we sit down for a second?

1398
01:15:00,204 --> 01:15:01,412
Well, but we have to go home.

1399
01:15:01,413 --> 01:15:03,831
I know, but come here.
I have to say something.

1400
01:15:03,832 --> 01:15:05,750
But we always go home now.

1401
01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:08,085
I know. I know.
I know we have a standard routine.

1402
01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:11,730
I need to have my drink,
and a shower.

1403
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:13,674
And, you know,
you see it as routine,

1404
01:15:13,675 --> 01:15:16,844
but for me the consistency helps
keep me from becoming unnerved.

1405
01:15:16,845 --> 01:15:19,138
I know you require a certain ritual.

1406
01:15:19,139 --> 01:15:22,475
And then after the shower, our dinner,
but not crawfish pie again.

1407
01:15:22,476 --> 01:15:26,270
I got indigestion from it last time.
I thought I had thyroid cancer.

1408
01:15:26,271 --> 01:15:29,690
Boris, I met someone else.
I've fallen in love.

1409
01:15:29,691 --> 01:15:34,628
And then some Beethoven, maybe some
Schubert for a change, but, you know...

1410
01:15:35,447 --> 01:15:37,464
You met someone else?

1411
01:15:37,991 --> 01:15:42,678
I'm not saying I don't have
very deep feelings for you. I do.

1412
01:15:45,290 --> 01:15:47,308
You met someone else?

1413
01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,476
Yes.

1414
01:15:50,128 --> 01:15:54,064
And you want us to live
in a threesome, like your mother?

1415
01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:57,401
Boris, when you found me,
I was very young.

1416
01:15:59,137 --> 01:16:00,972
You're still very young.

1417
01:16:00,973 --> 01:16:03,474
Yes, but I've grown.

1418
01:16:03,475 --> 01:16:06,827
I've grown so much.
And mainly because of you.

1419
01:16:08,188 --> 01:16:12,958
Yes, it's true. I have been very
patient with your phenomenal ignorance.

1420
01:16:14,653 --> 01:16:17,755
You can always count on me
for anything.

1421
01:16:19,825 --> 01:16:21,342
I just...

1422
01:16:21,535 --> 01:16:25,471
I guess I'm at a very
impressionable age, and I...

1423
01:16:26,415 --> 01:16:29,600
I can't think of a way
to say this well.

1424
01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:34,297
- You don't have to say it well.
- I want to.

1425
01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:37,399
I completely understand. I do.

1426
01:16:37,718 --> 01:16:40,678
This does not run counter
to my convictions that

1427
01:16:40,679 --> 01:16:44,573
love relationships are
almost invariably transient.

1428
01:16:46,184 --> 01:16:49,370
I don't really think that's true
if they're right.

1429
01:16:50,689 --> 01:16:54,208
Really? You have your own ideas?

1430
01:16:55,110 --> 01:16:58,879
Just a couple. You know,
they're not very deep, but...

1431
01:16:59,364 --> 01:17:04,510
As cruel as life is,
I miss participating in the world.

1432
01:17:04,703 --> 01:17:09,290
And I even miss people,
even the inchworms and the cretins,

1433
01:17:09,291 --> 01:17:13,978
because I don't really think
they're bad, I think they're just scared.

1434
01:17:15,881 --> 01:17:18,507
I think you're making
the correct decision.

1435
01:17:18,508 --> 01:17:20,609
- Boris...
- I mean it.

1436
01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:27,533
I'm a profound and sensitive soul
with an enormous grasp

1437
01:17:27,726 --> 01:17:29,910
of the human condition.

1438
01:17:30,395 --> 01:17:32,647
It was inevitable you would

1439
01:17:32,648 --> 01:17:36,417
eventually grow tired of being
so grossly overmatched.

1440
01:17:37,569 --> 01:17:42,673
Greatness isn't easy to live with,
even by someone of normal intelligence.

1441
01:17:44,326 --> 01:17:48,846
You're upset. I don't expect you
to understand. How could you?

1442
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:53,183
Believe me,

1443
01:17:54,127 --> 01:17:57,104
if I can understand
quantum mechanics,

1444
01:17:57,297 --> 01:18:00,649
I can certainly comprehend
the thought process

1445
01:18:01,593 --> 01:18:04,153
of a sub-mental baton twirler.

1446
01:18:04,763 --> 01:18:07,489
- Boris...
- It's okay.

1447
01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:12,578
I knew this day would come.
I really did.

1448
01:18:13,188 --> 01:18:16,623
The universe is winding down.
Why shouldn't we?

1449
01:18:21,571 --> 01:18:23,130
Again!

1450
01:18:23,657 --> 01:18:25,632
I'll have another, too.

1451
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:30,888
She left me. Can you believe it?

1452
01:18:31,748 --> 01:18:35,209
What am I talking about?
I left her. She's alone.

1453
01:18:35,210 --> 01:18:39,313
Now, no matter which way she turns
in bed, she's got a husband.

1454
01:18:40,549 --> 01:18:42,733
My wife left me, too.

1455
01:18:43,093 --> 01:18:46,361
I'm sure she was beautiful,
just like my wife.

1456
01:18:47,389 --> 01:18:48,947
Norman?

1457
01:18:50,016 --> 01:18:52,201
Norman was gorgeous.

1458
01:18:54,980 --> 01:18:58,357
He was the greatest runway model
Versace ever had.

1459
01:18:58,358 --> 01:19:00,918
I thought you said your wife.

1460
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:03,754
We were married in Holland.

1461
01:19:06,074 --> 01:19:08,300
You married a guy?

1462
01:19:08,827 --> 01:19:10,511
What else?

1463
01:19:10,871 --> 01:19:12,997
But that would make you...

1464
01:19:12,998 --> 01:19:17,226
What? A widow?
Norman didn't die.

1465
01:19:17,836 --> 01:19:19,812
Not a widow, a...

1466
01:19:21,214 --> 01:19:23,941
- Gay?
- A member of the...

1467
01:19:25,343 --> 01:19:27,069
Ofwhat?

1468
01:19:27,304 --> 01:19:29,696
The homosexual persuasion.

1469
01:19:29,931 --> 01:19:31,532
My God.

1470
01:19:32,225 --> 01:19:34,685
You make it sound like a religion.

1471
01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:38,872
Yes. If it's a religion,
you could call me devout. A fanatic.

1472
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:42,709
But that's a sin
against God's law.

1473
01:19:43,487 --> 01:19:45,212
God is gay.

1474
01:19:45,989 --> 01:19:48,324
He can't be.
He made the whole universe perfect.

1475
01:19:48,325 --> 01:19:52,678
The oceans, the skies, the beautiful
flowers, the trees everywhere.

1476
01:19:53,079 --> 01:19:55,372
That's right. He's a decorator.

1477
01:19:55,373 --> 01:19:59,101
But what do you miss about him?
I still don't get it.

1478
01:19:59,544 --> 01:20:01,186
Everything.

1479
01:20:01,505 --> 01:20:03,355
His face.

1480
01:20:03,548 --> 01:20:06,400
His kindness, his sense of humor.

1481
01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:08,861
Our mutual passion.

1482
01:20:09,095 --> 01:20:12,865
The way we'd dance
and he'd dip me back and kiss me.

1483
01:20:13,391 --> 01:20:14,950
Jesus.

1484
01:20:15,602 --> 01:20:18,620
Why did he leave you?
She leave you. Norman.

1485
01:20:18,772 --> 01:20:22,916
He wants to live in Paris,
and I can't leave my sick mother.

1486
01:20:24,694 --> 01:20:27,212
Is your mother a woman?

1487
01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:31,575
She used to look
like Marlene Dietrich.

1488
01:20:31,576 --> 01:20:35,579
What's the difference? They all
hurt you in the end, every woman,

1489
01:20:35,580 --> 01:20:37,931
whether they're male or female.

1490
01:20:38,583 --> 01:20:40,601
Why did yours leave you?

1491
01:20:41,294 --> 01:20:45,814
I left her for her best friend,
but it didn't work out.

1492
01:20:46,299 --> 01:20:47,983
Why not?

1493
01:20:49,970 --> 01:20:52,388
Can I be perfectly frank with you?

1494
01:20:52,389 --> 01:20:54,573
I don't shock easily.

1495
01:20:55,433 --> 01:20:57,618
I couldn't make love to her.

1496
01:20:58,937 --> 01:21:00,563
Why not?

1497
01:21:00,564 --> 01:21:05,401
It was fine at first, but then I lost
interest, I wanted Marietta back.

1498
01:21:05,402 --> 01:21:07,236
Which is funny,
because in the last years,

1499
01:21:07,237 --> 01:21:10,948
I really didn't have a lotta
sexual interest in Marietta.

1500
01:21:10,949 --> 01:21:15,302
That happens with you heteros.
We always have interest.

1501
01:21:18,999 --> 01:21:20,541
Christ, if I'm going to be honest,

1502
01:21:20,542 --> 01:21:25,312
you know, I never, ever really had
a burning sexual desire for Marietta.

1503
01:21:26,965 --> 01:21:28,857
Why'd you marry her?

1504
01:21:30,135 --> 01:21:32,336
It was the thing to do.
Everybody where I lived,

1505
01:21:32,337 --> 01:21:35,489
you had a wife
and children and...

1506
01:21:37,601 --> 01:21:39,952
Can I really level with you?

1507
01:21:40,979 --> 01:21:42,062
Of course.

1508
01:21:42,063 --> 01:21:43,856
John. John Celestine.

1509
01:21:43,857 --> 01:21:48,752
Of course, John.
I'm Howard Cummings, nee Kaminsky.

1510
01:21:50,196 --> 01:21:53,382
I married Marietta,
because I was afraid.

1511
01:21:54,576 --> 01:21:55,993
Of what?

1512
01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:59,830
The way I felt towards
the tight end on the football team.

1513
01:21:59,831 --> 01:22:01,123
No.

1514
01:22:01,124 --> 01:22:05,018
Every time he got in the line
of scrimmage and bent over.

1515
01:22:05,712 --> 01:22:09,106
Bartender, another round
for my friend and me, please.

1516
01:22:53,259 --> 01:22:55,861
Can you believe I blew it twice?

1517
01:22:56,179 --> 01:22:59,974
I jumped out the window and
landed on a woman walking her dog.

1518
01:22:59,975 --> 01:23:03,076
She got hurt.
I got off scot-free.

1519
01:23:03,895 --> 01:23:08,607
Don't you realize the consequences
of your actions impact on other people?

1520
01:23:08,608 --> 01:23:11,944
- Oh, come on. Seriously.
- No. What if you had committed suicide?

1521
01:23:11,945 --> 01:23:14,154
Think, think if you didn't exist,
how the world...

1522
01:23:14,155 --> 01:23:16,407
would suddenly change
in ways you can't imagine.

1523
01:23:16,408 --> 01:23:17,574
Oh, my God. You know what?

1524
01:23:17,575 --> 01:23:21,078
You sound like that movie they ram
down your throat every Christmas.

1525
01:23:21,079 --> 01:23:23,205
- What?
- What if the guardian angel...

1526
01:23:23,206 --> 01:23:24,748
had saved Jimmy Stewart,

1527
01:23:24,749 --> 01:23:27,459
and Jimmy Stewart was
the guy who smoked in bed,

1528
01:23:27,460 --> 01:23:32,439
and he lived and caused a fire
that killed 60 people? So?

1529
01:23:32,590 --> 01:23:36,385
How about that? Everybody's life
is still worth saving?

1530
01:23:36,386 --> 01:23:38,595
Even if it's Christmas?
Come on, seriously.

1531
01:23:38,596 --> 01:23:41,682
You must have a very dim view
of the human race.

1532
01:23:41,683 --> 01:23:46,770
Oh, the human race. They've had to install
automatic toilets in public restrooms,

1533
01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:49,690
because people can't be
entrusted to flush a toilet.

1534
01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:53,293
Come on, flushing a toilet!
They can't even flush a toilet!

1535
01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:55,696
Visiting time is over.

1536
01:23:55,697 --> 01:23:58,699
- What? You're kicking me out?
- Yeah.

1537
01:23:58,700 --> 01:24:01,635
- Seriously?
- Yeah. Absolutely.

1538
01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:07,307
All right, listen.
Honestly, I'm really sorry about all this

1539
01:24:08,293 --> 01:24:11,003
and is there anything I can do
to make this up to you?

1540
01:24:11,004 --> 01:24:14,106
Can I get you something? What can I do?

1541
01:24:15,133 --> 01:24:18,427
If I can ever walk again,
you can buy me dinner.

1542
01:24:18,428 --> 01:24:20,262
What do you do, Helena?

1543
01:24:20,263 --> 01:24:22,280
Me? I'm a psychic.

1544
01:24:24,768 --> 01:24:27,119
I'm sorry. Really?

1545
01:24:27,228 --> 01:24:31,148
I was born with a very rare gift.
I can see into the future.

1546
01:24:31,149 --> 01:24:33,025
If you can see into the future,
how come you didn't know

1547
01:24:33,026 --> 01:24:36,503
I was gonna jump out a building
and land on top of you?

1548
01:24:37,822 --> 01:24:39,548
Maybe I did.

1549
01:24:53,213 --> 01:24:55,480
Happy new year to you.

1550
01:25:00,386 --> 01:25:03,013
We're so excited.
Howard is selling the gym,

1551
01:25:03,014 --> 01:25:05,599
but we're going to open up
an antique shop in Chelsea.

1552
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:09,103
Yeah. Art deco. We're going to have
a wonderful collection of movie posters.

1553
01:25:09,104 --> 01:25:12,648
Can you believe this cracker?
This red state Neanderthal?

1554
01:25:12,649 --> 01:25:15,692
This mindless zombie
of the National Rifle Association?

1555
01:25:15,693 --> 01:25:19,696
My shrink says that the guns were all
a manifestation of my sexual inadequacy.

1556
01:25:19,697 --> 01:25:21,213
Yeah, if it weren't
for sexual inadequacy,

1557
01:25:21,214 --> 01:25:24,827
the National Rifle Association
would go broke.

1558
01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:27,621
He's moved in with
Howard Cummings, nee Kaminsky.

1559
01:25:27,622 --> 01:25:31,625
And not only is he sleeping with a man,
soon he'll be celebrating Purim.

1560
01:25:31,626 --> 01:25:35,979
More important, for the first time
in his adult life, he's happy.

1561
01:25:36,381 --> 01:25:38,876
I should have known
why I was failing you, Marietta,

1562
01:25:38,877 --> 01:25:40,759
not fulfilling your
womanly needs.

1563
01:25:40,760 --> 01:25:43,554
Which turned out to be
quite considerable.

1564
01:25:43,555 --> 01:25:47,057
Mine, too, but not with the sex
I'd been raised to be attracted to.

1565
01:25:47,058 --> 01:25:51,578
You're like a changed man, John.
Your whole personality is sunnier.

1566
01:25:51,646 --> 01:25:53,355
If only it had been that way.

1567
01:25:53,356 --> 01:25:57,901
I couldn't when I was making love to you.
I was a square peg in a round hole,

1568
01:25:57,902 --> 01:25:59,736
you should pardon the metaphor.

1569
01:25:59,737 --> 01:26:03,240
Well, I just hope you 2 lucked out and
found the right person in each other.

1570
01:26:03,241 --> 01:26:05,200
I know I lucked out.

1571
01:26:05,201 --> 01:26:07,327
What about you, Boris?

1572
01:26:07,328 --> 01:26:11,014
As you would say in the crude
fashion of your generation,

1573
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:13,850
I totally lucked out.

1574
01:26:14,169 --> 01:26:19,356
It just shows what meaningless
blind chance the universe is.

1575
01:26:19,674 --> 01:26:23,427
Everybody schemes and dreams
to meet the right person,

1576
01:26:23,428 --> 01:26:28,223
and I jump out a window
and land on her. And a psychic yet!

1577
01:26:28,224 --> 01:26:31,185
I mean, come on,
talk about the irrational heart,

1578
01:26:31,186 --> 01:26:34,412
not to mention I've developed
a fondness for grits.

1579
01:26:34,689 --> 01:26:38,458
I have a question,
am I a member of my generation?

1580
01:26:38,526 --> 01:26:41,236
Yes. Don't worry.
I'll explain it to you.

1581
01:26:41,237 --> 01:26:44,114
Hey, hey, hold on! Hold on!
The ball's about to drop!

1582
01:26:44,115 --> 01:26:45,365
Come on!

1583
01:26:45,366 --> 01:26:46,883
Ten,

1584
01:26:46,910 --> 01:26:48,118
nine,

1585
01:26:48,119 --> 01:26:50,720
eight, seven,

1586
01:26:50,830 --> 01:26:53,290
six, five,

1587
01:26:53,291 --> 01:26:55,809
four, three,

1588
01:26:55,835 --> 01:26:57,961
two, one!

1589
01:26:57,962 --> 01:26:59,854
Happy new year!

1590
01:27:15,313 --> 01:27:18,148
I happen to hate
New year's celebrations.

1591
01:27:18,149 --> 01:27:20,651
Everybody desperate to have fun.

1592
01:27:20,652 --> 01:27:23,654
Trying to celebrate
in some pathetic little way.

1593
01:27:23,655 --> 01:27:26,881
Celebrate what?
A step closer to the grave?

1594
01:27:28,159 --> 01:27:32,971
That's why I can't say enough times,
whatever love you can get and give,

1595
01:27:33,081 --> 01:27:36,850
whatever happiness
you can filch or provide,

1596
01:27:37,252 --> 01:27:41,813
every temporary measure of grace,
whatever works.

1597
01:27:42,173 --> 01:27:47,110
And don't kid yourself, it's by no means
all up to your own human ingenuity.

1598
01:27:47,637 --> 01:27:51,223
A bigger part of your existence
is luck than you'd like to admit.

1599
01:27:51,224 --> 01:27:54,559
Christ, you know the odds
of your father's one sperm

1600
01:27:54,560 --> 01:27:58,455
from the billions, finding
the single egg that made you?

1601
01:27:59,023 --> 01:28:01,525
Don't think about it,
you'll have a panic attack.

1602
01:28:01,526 --> 01:28:03,360
Boris, what're you doing?
Who you talking to?

1603
01:28:03,361 --> 01:28:05,904
What? There's people out there
watching us.

1604
01:28:05,905 --> 01:28:08,615
- They're out there?
- Yeah, yeah, they're watching. What?

1605
01:28:08,616 --> 01:28:10,575
- Please, Boris...
- You know...

1606
01:28:10,576 --> 01:28:13,912
Well, there was when we started.
I don't know how many are left.

1607
01:28:13,913 --> 01:28:15,831
Does anybody see anybody out there?

1608
01:28:15,832 --> 01:28:18,125
- Out there? No!
- No!

1609
01:28:18,126 --> 01:28:19,893
- Boris!
- No!

1610
01:28:20,878 --> 01:28:24,397
See? I'm the only one
who sees the whole picture.

1611
01:28:24,841 --> 01:28:27,525
That's what they mean by genius.

1612
01:28:28,094 --> 01:28:30,779
Come on. Happy new year, Boris.