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There was a time, a time before cable,
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when the local anchorman
reigned supreme,
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when people believed everything
they heard on TV.
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This was an age when only men
were allowed to read the news.
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And in San Diego, one anchorman
was more man than the rest.
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His name was Ron Burgundy.
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He was like a god
walking amongst mere mortals.
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He had a voice
that could make a wolverine purr,
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and suits so fine
they made Sinatra look like a hobo.
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In other words,
Ron Burgundy was the balls.
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I look good. I mean, really good.
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Hey, everyone!
Come and see how good I look!
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Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.
That's why I'm doing this.
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How now brown cow?
How now brown cow?
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How now brown cow?
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How are you?
You look awfully nice tonight.
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Maybe don't wear a bra next time.
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No, I was talking to you. No, not her.
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I don't know her name. What is it?
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Lanolin?
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Lanolin? Like sheep's wool?
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Unique New York.
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I love Scotch. I love Scotch.
Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.
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Here it goes down. Down into my belly.
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The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.
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How much time? 30? 30 seconds?
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- You are on.
- I'm on right now?
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I don't believe you.
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Ron!
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Oh, come on. Audrey.
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I look like hell.
I got bags under my eyes.
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What's that?
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If you were a man,
I'd punch you right in the mouth.
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That's bush. Bush league.
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The Human Torch
was denied a bank loan.
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You hear me? Audrey, look at me!
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I'm sorry. All right? I'm sorry.
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All right, we're on.
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Ready, Phil.
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We're on in five, four...
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When the clock struck 6:00,
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it meant one thing for Ron Burgundy
and his news team: Go time.
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Channel 4 News,
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with five-time Emmy
award-winning anchor Ron Burgundy.
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Champ Kind, sports.
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Brick Tamland, weather.
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And your reporter
in the field, Brian Fantana.
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It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
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Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,
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and this is what's happening
in your world tonight.
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A La Jolla man clings to life
at a university hospital
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after being viciously attacked
by a pack of wild dogs
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in an abandoned pool.
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Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up!
Ron Burgundy's on!
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Authorities are still uncertain as to
why the man was loitering...
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Ron Burgundy.
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Oh, my gosh! She said her first words!
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Right now it's 82 degrees in our fair city,
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and compare that
to 48 degrees in the upper Northwest
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and 38 degrees in the Middle East.
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Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday,
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one lucky cameraman happened
to catch an unusual aquatic daredevil.
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What you're about to see
is a Channel 4 News exclusive.
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His name is Nutty the Squirrel,
and he's three years old.
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How about that?
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That squirrel can water-ski.
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- Man, that's hilarious.
- Yeah, that's good.
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For all of us here at News Center 4,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
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You stay classy, San Diego.
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Listen up.
The ratings just came in for last month.
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We are number one.
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We just grabbed
every key demographic.
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- Super-duper, gang!
- Yeah! Yeah!
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Super-duper! That's nice!
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Way to go! Neat-o, gang.
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- Yes!
- Boy, Ed.
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That is good news. I gotta be honest.
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- Congrats, congrats.
- That is good news!
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- All right!
- Stick around.
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Make sure these guys
don't party too much.
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- They don't really ever listen to me.
- Just get it done.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
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I've just been handed an urgent
and horritying news story.
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I need all of you
to stop what you're doing and listen.
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Cannonball!
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Yes, these fellas
were a real news team.
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Burgundy, of course,
was the foundation, the rock.
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But each member brought their own
special something to the equation.
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People call me the Bri-man.
I'm the stylish one of the group.
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I know what you're asking yourself,
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and the answer is yes,
I have a nickname for my penis.
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It's called the Octagon.
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But I also nicknamed my testes.
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My left one is James Westfall,
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and my right one
is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
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You ladies play your cards right,
you might get to meet the whole gang.
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Bang, boom, they were showing lasers
every Friday night.
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Champ here. I'm all about having fun.
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You know,
get a couple of cocktails in me,
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start a fire in someone's kitchen.
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Maybe go to SeaWorld,
take my pants off.
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Anyway, I've become kind of famous
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for my signature catchphrase,
'Whammy!'
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As in, 'Gene Tenace at the plate
and whammy!'
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Whammy!
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I'm Brick Tamland.
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People seem to like me
because I am polite and I'm rarely late.
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I like to eat ice cream,
and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
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Years later, a doctor will tell me
that I have an IQ of 48
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and am what
some people call 'mentally retarded. '
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Hello!
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- Marco!
- Polo!
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- Brian.
- You having a good time?
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- I'm having a great time.
- That makes two of us.
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You've gotta meet this girl.
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She used to be a Charger cheerleader,
but she broke her pelvis.
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Sherri, meet Ron Burgundy.
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- Hey, Ron.
- Hello.
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I've got a big story for you.
And it's right here.
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Well, hello.
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You pointed to your boobies.
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Oh, my God, you did!
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- Ron Burgundy?
- Yes?
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I have had a crush on you
since I was a little girl.
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Let's go somewhere.
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I'm telling you,
it don't get no better than this.
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We've been coming
to the same party for 12 years,
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and in no way is that depressing.
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By the beard of Zeus!
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Excuse me.
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Ron, where you going?
What, are you crazy? Ron!
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If you're coming down the baseline,
you gotta take home plate from me!
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So there I go, head first, boom!
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I've lost her.
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Hello.
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Hope I'm not disturbing you,
but I saw you from across the party,
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and I don't usually do this, but
I felt compelled to tell you something.
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You have
an absolutely breathtaking heinie.
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I mean, that thing is good.
I want to be friends with it.
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00:10:03,786 --> 00:10:06,922
Well, you certainly know
how to compliment a woman.
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Now, if you'll excuse me.
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Do you know who I am?
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No, I can't say that I do.
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I don't know how to put this,
but I'm kind of a big deal.
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Really?
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People know me.
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I'm very happy for you.
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I'm very important.
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I have many leather-bound books,
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and my apartment
smells of rich mahogany.
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I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too.
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He comes over on occasion.
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That's stupid.
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No, no, that's very exciting.
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Listen, can I... Can I start over again?
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Sure.
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I wanna say something.
I'm gonna put it out there.
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If you like it, you can take it.
If you don't, send it right back.
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I wanna be on you.
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Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I...
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I wanna be on you.
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Baxter! Papa's home.
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There he is. There's my little man.
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You're okay?
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Of course I met a lady tonight.
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This one was different.
I have to be honest.
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Quite different.
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What?
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I'm lonely? I'm not lonely!
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I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego.
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Wow.
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You know
how to cut to the core of me, Baxter.
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You're so wise.
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You're like a miniature Buddha
covered in hair.
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Come again?
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You know I don't speak Spanish.
In English, please.
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You pooped in the refrigerator?
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And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?
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How'd you do that?
I'm not even mad. That's amazing.
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I forgive you.
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What do you say we get you in your PJs
and hit the hay?
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Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go.
Come on.
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Oh, that was one crazy party.
I am hung over.
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Tell me about it.
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I woke up this morning
and I shit a squirrel.
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I mean it. Literally.
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Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive.
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So I got this shit-covered squirrel
down there in the office.
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- Don't know what to name it.
- I'm sorry, Champ.
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I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
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All right, guys. Let's focus up.
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Morning, everyone.
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Here are the stories
we're going to be chasing today.
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It looks like Ling Wong,
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00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:48,544
the rare panda at the San Diego Zoo,
is pregnant.
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00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:49,643
This is a big one.
197
00:13:49,678 --> 00:13:52,480
This could be
the big story of the summer.
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00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:55,784
Network is gonna be wanting
plenty of coverage.
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00:13:55,819 --> 00:13:57,418
And speaking of network,
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00:13:57,453 --> 00:14:00,623
word on the street is
they're looking for a new anchor.
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00:14:00,658 --> 00:14:03,831
- So, Ron...
- Network? Are they here?
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00:14:09,231 --> 00:14:12,034
A lot of you have been hearing
the affiliates complaining
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about a lack of diversity
on the news team.
204
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:23,546
What in the hell's diversity?
205
00:14:23,581 --> 00:14:25,813
Well, I could be wrong,
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00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:29,250
but I believe Diversity is an old,
old wooden ship
207
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:32,521
- that was used during the Civil War era.
- That's right.
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00:14:32,556 --> 00:14:33,787
I would be surprised
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00:14:33,822 --> 00:14:37,693
if the affiliates were concerned
about the lack of an old wooden ship,
210
00:14:37,728 --> 00:14:39,326
but nice try.
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00:14:39,361 --> 00:14:42,831
Diversity means
that times are changing,
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00:14:42,866 --> 00:14:45,032
and with that in mind...
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00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:47,736
- Ron, are you paying attention?
- Nope.
214
00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:50,940
- This concerns all of us.
- Okay.
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00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:52,039
Keeping that in mind,
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00:14:52,074 --> 00:14:56,178
I'd like to introduce the latest addition
to the KVWN News Team,
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00:14:56,213 --> 00:15:01,450
directly from WYPN
in Asheville, North Carolina,
218
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:04,487
Ms. Veronica Corningstone.
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00:15:07,222 --> 00:15:09,964
Hello. Hello, everyone.
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00:15:11,627 --> 00:15:15,064
I just want you all to know
that I look forward to contributing
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00:15:15,099 --> 00:15:18,374
to this news station's
already sterling reputation.
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00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:23,305
I mean, come on, Ed! It's bull crap!
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00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,606
Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies.
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00:15:25,641 --> 00:15:29,276
They rev my engine,
but they don't belong in the newsroom!
225
00:15:29,311 --> 00:15:34,886
It is anchorman, not anchorlady!
And that is a scientific fact!
226
00:15:36,385 --> 00:15:39,422
I don't know what we're yelling about!
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00:15:40,823 --> 00:15:44,258
- Ron, what do you think?
- She... It's terrible!
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00:15:44,293 --> 00:15:48,530
She has beautiful eyes,
and her hair smells like cinnamon!
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00:15:48,565 --> 00:15:50,441
Loud noises!
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00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:55,537
All right, everyone relax.
She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.
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00:15:55,572 --> 00:15:58,807
I read somewhere
that their periods attract bears.
232
00:15:58,842 --> 00:16:01,842
Bears can smell the menstruation.
233
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:05,379
Well, that's just great.
You hear that, Ed?
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00:16:05,414 --> 00:16:08,415
Bears. Now you're putting
the whole station in jeopardy.
235
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:14,156
I will say one thing for her, Ed,
she does have a nice, big old behind.
236
00:16:14,191 --> 00:16:17,591
I'd like to put some barbecue sauce
on that butt
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00:16:17,626 --> 00:16:20,763
and just bite, bite, bite, bite,
munch, munch, munch!
238
00:16:20,798 --> 00:16:22,674
Stop it! Oh, jeez.
239
00:16:25,434 --> 00:16:27,573
Look at the full-moon butt!
240
00:16:28,303 --> 00:16:30,407
Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ!
241
00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:34,274
Mr. Harken, I was just wondering
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00:16:34,309 --> 00:16:36,512
if you knew
when my office would be ready.
243
00:16:36,547 --> 00:16:38,412
Well, that might take some time.
244
00:16:38,447 --> 00:16:41,517
For now, why don't you just
grab a desk in the bullpen?
245
00:16:41,552 --> 00:16:42,616
You can use my office!
246
00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:45,461
Then afterwards
maybe we can go to lunch!
247
00:16:46,221 --> 00:16:48,166
Lower your voice, Ron.
248
00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:54,499
All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken.
I'll go get my desk set up.
249
00:17:02,371 --> 00:17:06,284
Oh, she is a saucy mama!
I mean, I would...
250
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:10,277
Here we go again.
251
00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:12,546
Every station it's the same.
252
00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:14,715
Women ask me how I put up with it.
253
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,619
Well, the truth is,
I don't really have a choice.
254
00:17:17,654 --> 00:17:19,386
This is definitely a man's world.
255
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:22,156
But while they're laughing
and grab-assing,
256
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:26,295
I'm chasing down leads
and practicing my non-regional diction.
257
00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:29,231
Because the only way to win
is to be the best.
258
00:17:29,266 --> 00:17:30,903
The very best.
259
00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:36,970
Touchy situation.
260
00:17:37,005 --> 00:17:40,209
I think the best thing to do
with this Corningstone,
261
00:17:40,244 --> 00:17:43,110
to keep her in line, is bed her quick.
262
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,956
That behind is driving me ioco!
I'm like a night wolf.
263
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,219
Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy!
264
00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:54,289
- She's got feelings, too.
- Oh, my God!
265
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:55,756
Listen to Burgundy.
266
00:17:55,791 --> 00:17:59,061
He's gone soft on us,
like some schoolboy bitch.
267
00:17:59,096 --> 00:18:01,040
You sound like a gay.
268
00:18:03,298 --> 00:18:07,303
Hey! Come on!
It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right?
269
00:18:07,338 --> 00:18:11,308
As far as I'm concerned,
Corningstone's fair game.
270
00:18:12,407 --> 00:18:14,352
Let the games begin!
271
00:18:16,378 --> 00:18:18,847
There he is. There he is.
272
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,553
I'm very aroused.
273
00:18:25,487 --> 00:18:26,931
What's this?
274
00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,159
Well, well, well.
275
00:18:31,727 --> 00:18:35,464
Ron Burgundy
and the Channel 4 News Team.
276
00:18:35,499 --> 00:18:37,531
Hello, Wes Mantooth.
277
00:18:37,566 --> 00:18:39,418
Hello, Evening News Team.
278
00:18:39,453 --> 00:18:41,235
Nice clothes, gentlemen.
279
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:44,615
I didn't know the Salvation Army
was having a sale.
280
00:18:46,241 --> 00:18:48,653
Am I right? Look at these guys.
281
00:18:50,979 --> 00:18:54,116
Hey, where did you get those clothes?
282
00:18:54,151 --> 00:18:55,856
At the toilet store?
283
00:18:59,421 --> 00:19:02,157
What are you doing
on our station's turf, Burgundy?
284
00:19:02,192 --> 00:19:05,244
You're about to get
a serious beat-down.
285
00:19:05,279 --> 00:19:07,872
I will smash your face
into a car windshield
286
00:19:07,907 --> 00:19:10,430
and then take your mother,
Dorothy Mantooth,
287
00:19:10,465 --> 00:19:14,703
out for a nice seafood dinner
and never call her again!
288
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:17,573
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
You understand me?
289
00:19:17,608 --> 00:19:20,330
- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- Hey.
290
00:19:20,365 --> 00:19:23,052
Leave the mothers out of this, all right?
291
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,482
It's unnecessary.
292
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,485
Besides, I'm sure Wes here
293
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:36,196
is just upset over finishing second
in the ratings again.
294
00:19:38,026 --> 00:19:40,512
That's completely
uncalled for, Burgundy.
295
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,673
You know
those rating systems are flawed.
296
00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:44,765
They don't take into account
houses that have
297
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,737
more than two television sets
and other things of that nature.
298
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:53,083
I guess I have to take you
at your word, Number Two.
299
00:19:56,845 --> 00:20:00,656
You have a great day, fellas.
We'll see you around the bend.
300
00:20:03,518 --> 00:20:05,619
Son of a bitch!
301
00:20:05,654 --> 00:20:08,657
Excusez-moi, Num�ro Two.
302
00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:13,193
Hey, Burgundy.
303
00:20:13,228 --> 00:20:15,780
You know those sample audiences
aren't big enough!
304
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,333
Stop hiding behind
those phony numbers, Burgundy!
305
00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:20,200
I'm coming after you!
306
00:20:20,235 --> 00:20:23,375
I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you!
307
00:20:25,274 --> 00:20:27,474
You can't say one word?
308
00:20:27,509 --> 00:20:29,544
Even the guy who can't think
says something!
309
00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:31,717
You guys just stand there? Come on!
310
00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:38,652
Right, but I think
my son is just going through a phase.
311
00:20:38,687 --> 00:20:43,525
I have no idea where he would have
gotten ahold of German pornography.
312
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,992
But you and I are mature adults.
313
00:20:45,027 --> 00:20:49,197
We've both seen our share
of pornographic materials.
314
00:20:49,232 --> 00:20:50,330
Oh, you never have?
315
00:20:50,365 --> 00:20:53,235
Of course you haven't,
how stupid of me. Neither have I.
316
00:20:53,270 --> 00:20:55,335
I was just speaking in generalities.
317
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:59,613
I'll stop by the school a little later,
Sister Margaret. Bye.
318
00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:02,878
Ed, she insisted on coming in.
319
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,478
Mr. Harken, sir,
320
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:07,349
I will not have my first story
at this news station
321
00:21:07,384 --> 00:21:09,769
be about a cat fashion show.
322
00:21:09,804 --> 00:21:12,119
Miss Corningstone, ma'am,
323
00:21:12,154 --> 00:21:14,623
you will do the stories
to which you are assigned.
324
00:21:14,658 --> 00:21:18,127
Mr. Harken, I am
a damn good journalist,
325
00:21:18,162 --> 00:21:21,364
and this cat show thing
is grade-A baloney.
326
00:21:21,399 --> 00:21:24,566
It is not baloney.
Now, go do your job, missy!
327
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,306
It is baloney!
328
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,877
Hey, Ron,
I'm gonna take a run at the new girl.
329
00:21:35,912 --> 00:21:38,178
Let the games begin.
330
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:41,383
Oh, Champ, Champ,
we're not really gonna actually do that.
331
00:21:41,418 --> 00:21:43,618
- We were just flapping our gums.
- Oh, yeah.
332
00:21:43,653 --> 00:21:45,495
You kill me, Burgundy.
333
00:21:46,455 --> 00:21:50,025
Let me just grab this.
Oh, sorry about that.
334
00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,292
Whammy.
335
00:21:52,327 --> 00:21:54,466
- Champ?
- Yeah.
336
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,264
You're trying to touch my breasts,
aren't you?
337
00:21:57,299 --> 00:22:01,203
What can I say?
I like the way you're put together.
338
00:22:01,238 --> 00:22:03,856
What do you say we go out on a date?
339
00:22:03,891 --> 00:22:06,475
Have some chicken, maybe some sex.
340
00:22:06,510 --> 00:22:08,765
You know, see what happens?
341
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,020
Oh, let me get this over here.
342
00:22:12,781 --> 00:22:15,727
Sorry. Oh, there it is.
343
00:22:16,651 --> 00:22:21,099
I'll give this little cookie an hour
before we're doing the no-pants dance.
344
00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:23,762
Time to musk up.
345
00:22:25,994 --> 00:22:29,100
Wow. It never ceases to amaze me.
346
00:22:30,632 --> 00:22:34,369
What cologne you gonna go with?
London Gentleman, or...
347
00:22:34,404 --> 00:22:37,472
Wait. No, no, no. Hold on.
348
00:22:37,507 --> 00:22:39,139
Blackbeard's Delight.
349
00:22:39,174 --> 00:22:41,916
No, she gets a special cologne.
350
00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:48,151
It's called Sex Panther by Odeon.
It's illegal in nine countries.
351
00:22:49,651 --> 00:22:52,386
Yep, it's made with bits of real panther.
352
00:22:52,421 --> 00:22:54,589
- So you know it's good.
- It's quite pungent.
353
00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:56,289
Oh, yeah.
354
00:22:56,324 --> 00:23:01,763
It's a formidable scent.
It stings the nostrils.
355
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,730
- In a good way.
- Yep.
356
00:23:03,765 --> 00:23:06,835
I'll be honest with you.
That smells like pure gasoline.
357
00:23:06,870 --> 00:23:08,702
They've done studies, you know.
358
00:23:08,737 --> 00:23:12,279
60% of the time, it works every time.
359
00:23:12,314 --> 00:23:15,821
- That doesn't make sense.
- Well...
360
00:23:17,179 --> 00:23:20,524
Let's go see
if we can make this little kitty purr.
361
00:23:24,853 --> 00:23:28,732
Hey, sweet cheeks.
Got an invite I'd like to extend your way.
362
00:23:32,194 --> 00:23:35,265
My God. What is that smell?
363
00:23:36,231 --> 00:23:37,297
Oh!
364
00:23:37,332 --> 00:23:39,334
That's the smell of desire, milady.
365
00:23:39,369 --> 00:23:41,501
God, no, it smells like...
366
00:23:41,536 --> 00:23:44,873
Like a used diaper
filled with Indian food.
367
00:23:44,908 --> 00:23:46,673
Oh! Excuse me.
368
00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:49,142
Desire smells like that to some people.
369
00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:53,022
What is that?
Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!
370
00:23:56,952 --> 00:23:59,422
It smells like Bigfoot's dick!
371
00:23:59,457 --> 00:24:01,892
- Oh.
- Oh, hell, that's rank!
372
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,162
Oh, what's that smell?
373
00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:15,036
This is worse than the time
the raccoon got in the copier.
374
00:24:15,071 --> 00:24:16,870
Yeah.
375
00:24:16,905 --> 00:24:18,038
It's very distracting.
376
00:24:18,073 --> 00:24:21,476
- When we get to the pet shop...
- Cough!
377
00:24:21,511 --> 00:24:23,176
Look over here.
378
00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:24,917
Excuse me, Veronica.
379
00:24:26,414 --> 00:24:27,547
Yes, what is it, Brick?
380
00:24:27,582 --> 00:24:31,928
I would like to extend to you
an invitation to the pants party.
381
00:24:32,954 --> 00:24:34,221
Excuse me?
382
00:24:34,256 --> 00:24:37,290
The party. The pants...
383
00:24:37,325 --> 00:24:39,628
With the pants. Party with pants?
384
00:24:39,663 --> 00:24:40,794
Brick, are you saying
385
00:24:40,829 --> 00:24:43,965
that there's a party in your pants
and I'm invited?
386
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,409
That's it.
387
00:24:46,501 --> 00:24:48,403
Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
388
00:24:48,438 --> 00:24:50,570
No... Yes, he did.
389
00:24:50,605 --> 00:24:55,143
Okay. No, I don't want to go
to a party in your pants.
390
00:24:55,178 --> 00:24:56,743
Very well. Lan?
391
00:24:56,778 --> 00:24:58,880
Would you like to go to a party
in my pants?
392
00:24:58,915 --> 00:25:00,514
No, Brick.
393
00:25:00,549 --> 00:25:02,619
All right. Let's go!
394
00:25:04,519 --> 00:25:06,820
All right, now...
395
00:25:06,855 --> 00:25:08,390
It's all right! I'm all right!
396
00:25:10,292 --> 00:25:11,998
I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster.
397
00:25:12,427 --> 00:25:15,128
A real ice queen.
398
00:25:15,163 --> 00:25:16,997
I just burned my tongue.
399
00:25:17,032 --> 00:25:18,899
The only way to bag a classy lady
400
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:21,778
is to give her two tickets
to the gun show
401
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:28,284
and see if she likes the goods.
402
00:25:29,678 --> 00:25:33,557
One thousand one, one thousand two.
403
00:25:35,717 --> 00:25:37,936
- Mr. Burgundy?
- One thousand three.
404
00:25:37,971 --> 00:25:40,120
Helen said that you needed to see me?
405
00:25:40,155 --> 00:25:44,194
Oh, Miss Corningstone.
I wasn't expecting company.
406
00:25:48,730 --> 00:25:52,250
Just doing my workout.
Tuesday's arms and back.
407
00:25:52,285 --> 00:25:55,770
- You asked me to come by, sir.
- Oh, did I?
408
00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:57,214
Yes.
409
00:25:58,740 --> 00:26:02,483
Oh, it's the deep burn! Oh, it's so deep.
410
00:26:04,246 --> 00:26:07,649
I can barely lift my right arm
'cause I did so many.
411
00:26:07,684 --> 00:26:11,017
I don't know if you heard me counting.
I did over 1,000.
412
00:26:11,052 --> 00:26:15,790
You have your ubulus muscle
that connects to the upper dorsinus.
413
00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:17,857
It's boring, but it's part of my life.
414
00:26:17,892 --> 00:26:20,862
I'm just gonna grab this shirt,
if you don't mind.
415
00:26:20,897 --> 00:26:24,232
Just watch out for the guns.
They'll get you.
416
00:26:24,267 --> 00:26:25,870
You are pathetic.
417
00:26:26,901 --> 00:26:30,872
This has to be the feeblest pickup
attempt that I have ever encountered.
418
00:26:30,907 --> 00:26:34,843
I expected it from the rest of them,
Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.
419
00:26:34,878 --> 00:26:39,179
Wait a minute! I... Pickup attempt?
I'm offended.
420
00:26:39,214 --> 00:26:43,551
I have little time to get to the gym,
so I have to sculpt my guns at the office.
421
00:26:43,586 --> 00:26:46,463
Oh, stop calling your arms 'guns. '
422
00:26:47,389 --> 00:26:49,089
Look.
423
00:26:49,124 --> 00:26:54,129
My plan was to ask you
if I could squire you about town
424
00:26:54,164 --> 00:26:56,196
as one professional
helping another professional,
425
00:26:56,231 --> 00:26:59,871
because I know what it's like
to be lonely in a new city.
426
00:27:01,836 --> 00:27:04,104
- Really?
- Yes.
427
00:27:04,139 --> 00:27:07,240
But now I am too hurt.
428
00:27:07,275 --> 00:27:11,046
And shocked and offended and hurt.
429
00:27:11,081 --> 00:27:13,146
I could do that.
430
00:27:13,181 --> 00:27:15,682
- Really?
- Well, yes.
431
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:19,788
As a journalist, I should get to know
the city that I'm covering.
432
00:27:19,823 --> 00:27:23,158
- But this is not a date.
- No, of course not.
433
00:27:23,193 --> 00:27:25,661
- Strictly professional.
- Wonderful.
434
00:27:26,628 --> 00:27:27,970
Great.
435
00:27:30,131 --> 00:27:32,304
Shall I pick you up 8:00?
436
00:27:35,570 --> 00:27:36,878
9:00.
437
00:27:38,206 --> 00:27:39,439
Downstairs?
438
00:27:39,474 --> 00:27:42,477
Mr. Burgundy, you have
a massive erection.
439
00:27:42,512 --> 00:27:43,717
Really?
440
00:27:46,114 --> 00:27:47,524
Yes, I do.
441
00:27:49,150 --> 00:27:52,096
I'm sorry, it's the... It's the pleats.
442
00:27:54,022 --> 00:27:57,892
It's actually an optical illusion.
It's the pattern on the pants.
443
00:27:57,927 --> 00:28:01,861
It's not flattering in the crotchal region.
444
00:28:01,896 --> 00:28:06,640
I'm actually taking them back right now.
Taking them back to the pants store.
445
00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:09,671
This is awkward.
446
00:28:09,706 --> 00:28:11,371
I'm gonna walk...
447
00:28:11,406 --> 00:28:15,410
I'm gonna walk this situation off
and I will see you later.
448
00:28:15,445 --> 00:28:16,676
Nothing to look at.
449
00:28:16,711 --> 00:28:18,378
Go back to work, everyone.
450
00:28:18,413 --> 00:28:20,680
Don't act like you're not impressed.
451
00:28:20,715 --> 00:28:24,424
Don't look at me right now.
I'm walking around the office.
452
00:28:25,587 --> 00:28:26,986
My new walk.
453
00:28:27,021 --> 00:28:29,398
I have a situation right now
I'm trying to walk off.
454
00:28:30,058 --> 00:28:31,458
Frame up two.
455
00:28:31,493 --> 00:28:34,235
- Let's go to Brian Fantana live...
- Gimme a tighter one on two.
456
00:28:34,596 --> 00:28:37,076
...with a Channel 4 News exclusive.
Brian?
457
00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:40,633
Panda watch. The mood is tense.
458
00:28:40,668 --> 00:28:43,405
I have been
on some serious, serious reports,
459
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,205
but nothing like this.
460
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,541
Ching... King is inside now.
461
00:28:48,576 --> 00:28:51,162
I tried to get an interview,
but they said, 'You can't.
462
00:28:51,197 --> 00:28:53,749
'He's a live bear.
He will literally rip your face off. '
463
00:28:54,516 --> 00:28:57,352
Hey! You're making me look stupid!
464
00:28:57,387 --> 00:29:00,320
Get out here! Panda jerk!
465
00:29:00,355 --> 00:29:03,097
Great story. Compelling and rich.
466
00:29:04,192 --> 00:29:07,395
That's gonna do it for all of us
at Channel 4 News.
467
00:29:07,430 --> 00:29:09,364
You stay classy, San Diego.
468
00:29:09,399 --> 00:29:11,070
I'm Ron Burgundy?
469
00:29:12,867 --> 00:29:16,103
Damn it! Who typed a question mark
on the Teleprompter?
470
00:29:16,138 --> 00:29:19,340
For the last time,
anything you put on that prompter,
471
00:29:19,375 --> 00:29:20,819
Burgundy will read.
472
00:29:24,312 --> 00:29:27,914
Oh, God, this is a mistake.
This is a mistake.
473
00:29:27,949 --> 00:29:32,086
He's very cute. Very cute.
No, he's not. He's hairy.
474
00:29:32,121 --> 00:29:34,473
There she is! Veronica!
475
00:29:34,508 --> 00:29:36,790
My little china doll.
476
00:29:36,825 --> 00:29:40,431
- I am full of it tonight.
- Oh, silly. Hi.
477
00:29:41,429 --> 00:29:46,173
You look ravishing.
It truly is beauty and the beast.
478
00:29:47,702 --> 00:29:49,754
I might add a handsome beast at that.
479
00:29:49,789 --> 00:29:51,771
Are you ready for our rendezvous?
480
00:29:51,806 --> 00:29:55,977
- It's not a date.
- No, strictly professional.
481
00:29:56,012 --> 00:29:58,313
Doesn't mean we can't have fun.
482
00:29:58,348 --> 00:30:00,019
- Shall we?
- Yes.
483
00:30:04,686 --> 00:30:06,631
San Diego.
484
00:30:08,523 --> 00:30:11,469
Drink it in. It always goes down smooth.
485
00:30:13,528 --> 00:30:16,098
What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy.
486
00:30:16,133 --> 00:30:18,669
I know. I love this city. It's a...
487
00:30:19,834 --> 00:30:20,867
It's a fact.
488
00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:24,144
It's the greatest city
in the history of mankind.
489
00:30:25,273 --> 00:30:28,743
Discovered by the Germans in 1904.
490
00:30:28,778 --> 00:30:32,111
They named it San Diago,
491
00:30:32,146 --> 00:30:35,923
which of course in German means
a whale's vagina.
492
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:41,624
No, there's no way that's correct.
493
00:30:45,226 --> 00:30:48,036
I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you.
494
00:30:49,964 --> 00:30:52,665
I don't know what it means.
495
00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,435
I'll be honest. I don't think
anyone knows what it means anymore.
496
00:30:55,470 --> 00:31:00,275
Scholars maintain that the translation
was lost hundreds of years ago.
497
00:31:00,310 --> 00:31:02,755
Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
498
00:31:03,545 --> 00:31:05,490
No. No.
499
00:31:06,381 --> 00:31:08,690
No, that's what it means.
500
00:31:09,517 --> 00:31:12,190
- Really.
- Well, agree to disagree.
501
00:31:17,859 --> 00:31:19,092
May I take your order?
502
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:22,797
Yes, I am going to have
three fingers of Glenlivet
503
00:31:22,832 --> 00:31:26,034
with a little bit of pepper,
and some cheese.
504
00:31:26,069 --> 00:31:27,700
Very good.
505
00:31:27,735 --> 00:31:29,771
A Manhattan,
and kick the vermouth in the side
506
00:31:29,806 --> 00:31:31,690
with a pair of steel-toed boots.
507
00:31:31,725 --> 00:31:33,575
- Certainly.
- Thank you, Scott.
508
00:31:33,610 --> 00:31:35,775
Thank you.
509
00:31:35,810 --> 00:31:38,201
Wow. Quite a drink order.
510
00:31:38,236 --> 00:31:40,592
Oh, well, when in Rome.
511
00:31:41,382 --> 00:31:42,883
Yes?
512
00:31:43,484 --> 00:31:45,054
Please, go on.
513
00:31:45,820 --> 00:31:48,555
Do as the Romans do?
514
00:31:48,590 --> 00:31:52,860
- It's an old expression.
- Oh! I've never heard of it.
515
00:31:52,895 --> 00:31:54,696
It's wonderful, though.
516
00:31:54,731 --> 00:31:56,429
Mr. Burgundy.
517
00:31:56,464 --> 00:31:59,167
- Tino! How are you?
- So good to see you.
518
00:31:59,202 --> 00:32:00,702
You're looking fantastic.
519
00:32:00,737 --> 00:32:02,735
Tino, Veronica.
520
00:32:02,770 --> 00:32:04,971
Veronica. What a pretty girlfriend.
521
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:07,325
- Drinks are on Tino tonight.
- No, no, no.
522
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,609
We're work associates.
I work at the station.
523
00:32:09,644 --> 00:32:13,014
- I'm a journalist.
- Oh, okay. This is a good guy.
524
00:32:13,049 --> 00:32:15,016
Tino's the finest club owner in the city.
525
00:32:15,051 --> 00:32:16,749
- My best friend, right?
- Yes.
526
00:32:16,784 --> 00:32:20,421
Yes, we have a saying in my country
about people like him.
527
00:32:20,456 --> 00:32:22,455
'The coyote of the desert
528
00:32:22,490 --> 00:32:24,824
'always likes to eat
the heart of the young,
529
00:32:24,859 --> 00:32:28,162
'where the blood drips down to children
for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
530
00:32:28,197 --> 00:32:30,565
'only the ribs will be broken in two. '
531
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:31,798
- Tino.
- Okay.
532
00:32:31,833 --> 00:32:36,871
Well, Mr. Burgundy, we will be honored
if you will play 'yazz' flute for us.
533
00:32:36,906 --> 00:32:38,680
- I can't.
- Please.
534
00:32:39,507 --> 00:32:40,975
You play jazz flute?
535
00:32:41,010 --> 00:32:42,408
- I dabble.
- Oh.
536
00:32:42,443 --> 00:32:46,080
Would everyone love to hear
Ron Burgundy play 'yazz' flute?
537
00:32:46,115 --> 00:32:49,283
- Get it going, Ronnie!
- Yes! Please.
538
00:32:49,318 --> 00:32:50,984
You, on stage now.
539
00:32:51,019 --> 00:32:53,354
Okay, I guess I can play a little ditty.
540
00:32:53,389 --> 00:32:55,455
- Honestly, I'm...
- Come on.
541
00:32:55,490 --> 00:32:59,093
- Give him a hand.
- I'm not prepared. Not at all.
542
00:32:59,128 --> 00:33:01,903
- Yeah!
- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.
543
00:33:03,598 --> 00:33:06,434
Guys, East Harlem Shakedown, E tlat?
544
00:33:06,469 --> 00:33:07,500
Keep the cymbals splashy,
545
00:33:07,535 --> 00:33:10,538
and, Jay,
let's take the bass line for a walk.
546
00:33:14,609 --> 00:33:15,808
Hold on.
547
00:33:15,843 --> 00:33:18,550
L'm not hearing it right. Hold on.
548
00:33:25,620 --> 00:33:29,033
- We got it now. It's all right.
- Fire up, Ronnie!
549
00:33:31,325 --> 00:33:35,238
Little Ham and Eggs coming at you.
Hope you got your griddles.
550
00:33:41,636 --> 00:33:44,480
That's baby-making music,
that's what that is.
551
00:33:50,244 --> 00:33:51,586
Let's go!
552
00:34:34,522 --> 00:34:36,592
Hey, Aqualung!
553
00:34:48,870 --> 00:34:50,280
Thank you.
554
00:34:51,372 --> 00:34:52,873
Thank you!
555
00:35:00,014 --> 00:35:02,582
- You were amazing.
- Thank you.
556
00:35:02,617 --> 00:35:04,984
Where did you learn to play like that?
557
00:35:05,019 --> 00:35:09,934
Well, jazz flute has always
been a small passion of mine.
558
00:35:10,691 --> 00:35:13,494
So what other passions
do you have, Mr. Burgundy?
559
00:35:13,529 --> 00:35:16,998
Well, I have one great passion that...
560
00:35:17,965 --> 00:35:24,973
That lives deep within my loins,
like a flaming golden hawk.
561
00:35:26,841 --> 00:35:30,009
To one day become a network anchor.
562
00:35:30,044 --> 00:35:34,515
Well, believe it or not,
we share the same dream.
563
00:35:36,083 --> 00:35:38,586
I too want to be a network anchor.
564
00:35:39,687 --> 00:35:41,826
God, you are so beautiful.
565
00:35:46,627 --> 00:35:48,561
We really should be going.
566
00:35:48,596 --> 00:35:52,134
I swore that I would never
get involved with a coworker.
567
00:35:54,068 --> 00:35:55,205
Wait.
568
00:35:57,505 --> 00:36:00,408
What if, just for tonight,
we weren't coworkers?
569
00:36:00,443 --> 00:36:03,320
We were co-people?
570
00:36:04,278 --> 00:36:05,688
I don't...
571
00:36:07,615 --> 00:36:11,062
You be a woman. I'll be a man.
572
00:36:12,353 --> 00:36:13,854
That's all.
573
00:36:16,390 --> 00:36:19,564
You continue
to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy.
574
00:36:40,114 --> 00:36:43,823
Oh, I'm storming your castle
on my steed, milady.
575
00:36:53,394 --> 00:36:55,933
Wait, stop. Stop talking like that.
576
00:36:55,968 --> 00:36:58,472
- I can't understand you.
- Sorry.
577
00:37:02,770 --> 00:37:04,772
Take me to Pleasure Town!
578
00:37:04,807 --> 00:37:06,775
Oh, we're going there!
579
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:21,921
I frigging love you!
580
00:37:21,956 --> 00:37:24,129
I frigging love you back!
581
00:37:29,463 --> 00:37:32,934
Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!
582
00:37:32,969 --> 00:37:34,538
Oh, do me on it!
583
00:37:52,853 --> 00:37:54,889
Well done, sir.
584
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,732
Tip of the cap to you
as well, Miss Corningstone.
585
00:38:08,602 --> 00:38:12,638
I'm having very strong feelings
for you, Mr. Burgundy.
586
00:38:12,673 --> 00:38:16,243
But it's very important to me
that I be viewed as a professional.
587
00:38:16,278 --> 00:38:17,944
Right.
588
00:38:17,979 --> 00:38:19,958
When in Rome.
589
00:38:21,015 --> 00:38:22,081
Yeah.
590
00:38:22,116 --> 00:38:26,621
That expression doesn't really apply
to what I'm talking about.
591
00:38:27,455 --> 00:38:29,755
What I was saying.
592
00:38:29,790 --> 00:38:31,659
I still don't quite understand
what it means.
593
00:38:31,694 --> 00:38:34,264
Oh, no. You'll find it.
594
00:38:36,564 --> 00:38:40,417
No, I was saying that,
if we continue seeing each other,
595
00:38:40,452 --> 00:38:44,271
that we should keep it relatively quiet
around the station.
596
00:38:44,306 --> 00:38:48,810
Absolutely, my wild love tigress.
597
00:38:52,279 --> 00:38:54,850
Tasteful discretion
is the name of the game.
598
00:38:58,519 --> 00:39:05,027
Veronica Corningstone and I had sex,
and now we are in love!
599
00:39:06,494 --> 00:39:08,394
Did I say that loud?
600
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:09,895
Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
601
00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:14,233
Well, I can't help it. It's fantastic!
602
00:39:14,268 --> 00:39:17,571
- What's it like, Ron?
- The intimate times?
603
00:39:17,606 --> 00:39:20,051
Outta sight, my man!
604
00:39:21,075 --> 00:39:23,487
No. The other thing.
605
00:39:24,745 --> 00:39:28,351
- Love.
- Yeah. What is that?
606
00:39:29,116 --> 00:39:32,818
Well, it's tough to explain.
607
00:39:32,853 --> 00:39:36,991
- I think I was in love once.
- Really, what was her name?
608
00:39:37,026 --> 00:39:38,591
I don't remember.
609
00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:41,127
That's not a good start, but keep going.
610
00:39:41,162 --> 00:39:45,765
She was Brazilian.
Or Chinese, or something weird.
611
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:50,271
I met her in the bathroom of a Kmart,
and we made out for hours.
612
00:39:51,605 --> 00:39:54,442
Then we parted ways,
never to see each other again.
613
00:39:54,477 --> 00:39:58,245
- I'm pretty sure that's not love.
- Damn it!
614
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,224
I love
615
00:40:01,615 --> 00:40:03,321
carpet.
616
00:40:05,486 --> 00:40:08,220
I love desk.
617
00:40:08,255 --> 00:40:12,426
Are you just looking at things in the
office and saying you love them?
618
00:40:12,461 --> 00:40:14,326
I love lamp.
619
00:40:14,361 --> 00:40:18,566
Do you really love the lamp,
or are you saying it because you saw it?
620
00:40:18,601 --> 00:40:21,901
I love lamp! I love lamp.
621
00:40:21,936 --> 00:40:23,637
You really want to know what love is?
622
00:40:23,672 --> 00:40:25,571
- Yeah.
- Yes, tell us.
623
00:40:25,606 --> 00:40:27,983
More than anything in the world.
624
00:40:28,642 --> 00:40:31,588
Well, it's really quite simple.
625
00:40:33,147 --> 00:40:35,217
It's kind of like...
626
00:40:36,784 --> 00:40:40,137
Gonna find my baby
Gonna hold her tight
627
00:40:40,172 --> 00:40:43,456
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
628
00:40:43,491 --> 00:40:46,894
My motto's always been
When it's right, it's right
629
00:40:46,929 --> 00:40:50,262
Why wait
until the middle of a cold, dark night
630
00:40:50,297 --> 00:40:56,653
When everything's a little clearer
in the light of day
631
00:40:56,688 --> 00:41:03,010
And we know the night
is always gonna be there anyway
632
00:41:03,045 --> 00:41:05,811
Thinking of you's
working up my appetite
633
00:41:05,846 --> 00:41:08,881
Looking forward
to a little afternoon delight
634
00:41:08,916 --> 00:41:12,119
Rubbing sticks and stones together
make the sparks ignite
635
00:41:12,154 --> 00:41:15,322
And the thought of loving you
is getting so exciting
636
00:41:15,357 --> 00:41:17,495
Sky rockets in flight
637
00:41:18,592 --> 00:41:20,493
Afternoon delight
638
00:41:20,528 --> 00:41:22,897
You guys have it, I think.
639
00:41:22,932 --> 00:41:26,398
Afternoon delight
640
00:41:26,433 --> 00:41:29,453
I don't know, Ron.
That sounds kind of crazy.
641
00:41:29,488 --> 00:41:32,438
Sounds like
you have mental problems, man.
642
00:41:32,473 --> 00:41:35,476
- Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
- Yeah, he really does.
643
00:41:35,511 --> 00:41:36,675
Man.
644
00:41:36,710 --> 00:41:39,311
Afternoon delight
645
00:41:39,346 --> 00:41:41,325
- Wanna make a phone call.
- Freshen this up.
646
00:41:49,957 --> 00:41:53,627
Oh, look out.
Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.
647
00:41:53,662 --> 00:41:55,661
He's ready to do battle in the arena
648
00:41:55,696 --> 00:41:58,574
against the tiniest lion
you've ever imagined.
649
00:41:59,533 --> 00:42:02,670
I'm getting some great stuff,
Miss Corningstone.
650
00:42:02,705 --> 00:42:04,114
Shut up.
651
00:42:05,539 --> 00:42:06,972
Oh, I hate cats.
652
00:42:07,007 --> 00:42:10,044
Let's just do my sign-off
and get out of here.
653
00:42:10,477 --> 00:42:13,212
It was quite a show down here
at the Pet Shack.
654
00:42:13,247 --> 00:42:18,185
Just for today,
fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.
655
00:42:18,220 --> 00:42:21,253
I'm Veronica Corningstone
for Channel 4 News.
656
00:42:21,288 --> 00:42:25,059
That was our newest reporter,
Veronica Corningstone.
657
00:42:25,094 --> 00:42:26,759
She's really great.
658
00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:29,630
I'd also like to share with you
that we are currently dating
659
00:42:29,665 --> 00:42:32,736
and that she is quite a handful
in the bedroom.
660
00:42:34,335 --> 00:42:37,037
That's gonna do it
for all of us here at 6:00.
661
00:42:37,072 --> 00:42:39,740
For the Channel 4 News Team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
662
00:42:39,775 --> 00:42:41,879
You stay classy, San Diego.
663
00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:44,053
All clear.
664
00:42:47,414 --> 00:42:49,882
I might be in trouble on that one.
665
00:42:49,917 --> 00:42:53,956
I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air.
666
00:42:55,856 --> 00:42:57,456
That is good fondue.
667
00:42:57,491 --> 00:43:00,894
Don't you get it, Ron?
I wanna be an anchor.
668
00:43:00,929 --> 00:43:02,027
That is never gonna happen
669
00:43:02,062 --> 00:43:05,766
if everyone in San Diego
thinks that I'm your bimbo gal pal.
670
00:43:05,801 --> 00:43:09,954
I don't know what to say.
I just... I got excited.
671
00:43:09,989 --> 00:43:14,073
I just wanted to shout it
from on top of a mountain.
672
00:43:14,108 --> 00:43:18,512
But I didn't have a mountain.
I had a newsroom and a camera.
673
00:43:18,547 --> 00:43:21,313
Look. I report the news.
That's what I do.
674
00:43:21,348 --> 00:43:25,719
And today's top story,
in Ron Burgundy's world,
675
00:43:25,754 --> 00:43:27,994
read something like this,
676
00:43:28,029 --> 00:43:30,234
I love Veronica Corningstone.
677
00:43:34,228 --> 00:43:35,604
Oh, Ron.
678
00:43:41,335 --> 00:43:43,470
This is nice, gang, sitting here.
679
00:43:43,505 --> 00:43:45,606
- Oh, yeah.
- Brown bagging it.
680
00:43:45,641 --> 00:43:46,805
The team pancake breakfast
681
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,008
is tomorrow morning at 9:00
instead of 8:00.
682
00:43:49,043 --> 00:43:53,130
Oh! Almost forgot.
I won't be able to make it, fellas.
683
00:43:53,165 --> 00:43:57,009
Veronica and I are trying
this new fad called jogging.
684
00:43:57,044 --> 00:44:00,854
I believe it's jogging or yogging.
It might be a soft 'J.'
685
00:44:00,889 --> 00:44:02,087
I'm not sure,
686
00:44:02,122 --> 00:44:05,859
but apparently you just run
for an extended period of time.
687
00:44:05,894 --> 00:44:08,462
- It's supposed to be wild.
- So Ron's not coming?
688
00:44:08,497 --> 00:44:09,762
No, Ron's coming.
689
00:44:09,797 --> 00:44:13,133
It's the pancake breakfast.
We do it every month.
690
00:44:13,168 --> 00:44:15,167
I realize that.
691
00:44:15,202 --> 00:44:19,039
Sometimes you gotta look yourself in
the mirror and say, 'When in Rome. '
692
00:44:19,074 --> 00:44:20,773
The bottom line is,
693
00:44:20,808 --> 00:44:24,178
you've been spending a lot of time
with this lady.
694
00:44:24,213 --> 00:44:27,581
You're a member
of the Channel 4 News Team.
695
00:44:27,616 --> 00:44:30,459
- That's a given.
- We need you.
696
00:44:31,785 --> 00:44:33,821
Hell, I need you.
697
00:44:34,955 --> 00:44:38,925
I'm a mess without you.
I miss you so damn much.
698
00:44:40,194 --> 00:44:42,761
I miss being with you.
699
00:44:42,796 --> 00:44:46,436
I miss being near you.
I miss your laugh.
700
00:44:51,972 --> 00:44:56,147
I miss your scent. I miss your musk.
701
00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:01,580
When this all gets sorted out,
702
00:45:01,615 --> 00:45:04,994
I think you and me should get
an apartment together.
703
00:45:06,887 --> 00:45:09,555
Just take it easy, Champ.
704
00:45:09,590 --> 00:45:11,924
Why don't you stop talking for a while?
705
00:45:11,959 --> 00:45:15,194
Maybe sit the next couple of plays out.
You know what I mean?
706
00:45:15,229 --> 00:45:20,367
Yeah, I'm gonna quit saying things
when they crop up in the old skull, huh?
707
00:45:20,402 --> 00:45:23,268
See what it's like when you're not here?
708
00:45:23,303 --> 00:45:25,439
You're our leader.
Look what you're doing to the group.
709
00:45:25,474 --> 00:45:28,647
Champ's been a mess.
Brick can't sleep at night.
710
00:45:29,710 --> 00:45:32,512
Here's the thing, I don't trust this chick.
711
00:45:32,547 --> 00:45:35,315
We need you around,
and she is just using you.
712
00:45:35,350 --> 00:45:37,583
Everyone, just relax. All right?
713
00:45:37,618 --> 00:45:41,622
Believe me, if there's one thing
Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
714
00:45:41,657 --> 00:45:44,224
Okay, and Veronica Corningstone,
she's just...
715
00:45:44,259 --> 00:45:45,924
She's just dying to quit her job
716
00:45:45,959 --> 00:45:48,996
so that she can take care of me
and have babies.
717
00:45:55,135 --> 00:45:57,137
Hey, gang.
718
00:45:57,971 --> 00:45:59,415
Papa's home.
719
00:46:00,541 --> 00:46:04,250
Oh, honey. I am so glad you're home.
720
00:46:05,212 --> 00:46:07,419
My alabaster doll.
721
00:46:09,016 --> 00:46:10,649
Gentlemen.
722
00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:13,255
You look great. No eye contact!
723
00:46:17,491 --> 00:46:18,970
Oh, darling.
724
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:24,364
I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys
and preparing dinner in the nude.
725
00:46:24,399 --> 00:46:26,799
Oh, let's make whoopie.
726
00:46:26,834 --> 00:46:30,471
And then I'm going to go drinking
with the news team for two days.
727
00:46:30,506 --> 00:46:32,416
Wonderful. Wonderful!
728
00:46:35,576 --> 00:46:37,676
Bite it! Bite it!
729
00:46:37,711 --> 00:46:40,145
- Oh, yes!
- Oh, yeah!
730
00:46:40,180 --> 00:46:43,449
- You are a bad boy.
- I'm bad.
731
00:46:43,484 --> 00:46:47,124
- I need to go to the principal's office.
- I love my life.
732
00:46:49,189 --> 00:46:50,929
I don't know, Ron.
733
00:46:51,725 --> 00:46:53,410
Guess what? I do.
734
00:46:53,445 --> 00:46:55,060
I know that one day,
735
00:46:55,095 --> 00:46:59,500
Veronica and I are gonna get married
on top of a mountain.
736
00:46:59,535 --> 00:47:02,768
And there's going to be flutes playing
737
00:47:02,803 --> 00:47:06,978
and trombones and flowers
and garlands of fresh herbs.
738
00:47:08,041 --> 00:47:11,777
And we will dance till the sun rises.
739
00:47:11,812 --> 00:47:14,680
And then our children
will form a family band.
740
00:47:14,715 --> 00:47:18,458
And we will tour the countryside,
and you won't be invited!
741
00:47:21,889 --> 00:47:25,768
I'm telling you, this lady has really
crawled into Ron's head.
742
00:47:28,962 --> 00:47:31,465
Good. Good one!
743
00:47:32,132 --> 00:47:36,045
Oh, okay. I understand.
You have a nice day, sir. Bye.
744
00:47:38,038 --> 00:47:40,123
I could come back later, Mr. Harken.
745
00:47:40,158 --> 00:47:42,174
No, no, no. It's just parent stuff.
746
00:47:42,209 --> 00:47:47,414
It seems that our youngest, Chris,
was on something called acid
747
00:47:47,449 --> 00:47:50,851
and was firing a bow and arrow
into a crowd.
748
00:47:50,886 --> 00:47:53,854
- You know how kids are.
- Right.
749
00:47:53,889 --> 00:47:56,788
Anyhoo, what can I do you for?
750
00:47:56,823 --> 00:48:01,126
Well, Mr. Harken, I feel like
I have proven myself as a journalist
751
00:48:01,161 --> 00:48:05,499
and that I deserve the opportunity
to take on more challenging stories.
752
00:48:05,534 --> 00:48:07,868
Well, ask and you shall receive.
753
00:48:07,903 --> 00:48:10,838
Yes, this just came across my desk.
754
00:48:10,873 --> 00:48:13,739
Here is a story of a 103-year-old woman
755
00:48:13,774 --> 00:48:16,944
who claims to have a recipe
for the world's greatest meat loaf.
756
00:48:16,979 --> 00:48:19,048
Now that's a hot lead.
757
00:48:20,013 --> 00:48:25,751
It was very hard for Veronica.
But she was a pro and hung tough.
758
00:48:25,786 --> 00:48:31,201
But soon, with a simple act of littering,
everyone's life would change forever.
759
00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:39,182
Baxter, you are my little gentleman
760
00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:42,035
I'll take you to foggy London Town
761
00:48:42,070 --> 00:48:44,121
Because you are what
762
00:48:44,156 --> 00:48:46,138
My little gentleman
763
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:49,176
This burrito is delicious, but it is filling.
764
00:48:52,412 --> 00:48:54,482
Antony and Cleopatra!
765
00:49:02,289 --> 00:49:04,632
Goddamn son of...
766
00:49:05,425 --> 00:49:07,227
What the hell, bro?
767
00:49:07,262 --> 00:49:08,994
Hello, neighbor.
768
00:49:09,029 --> 00:49:11,598
Did you just throw
a burrito out your window?
769
00:49:11,633 --> 00:49:12,698
I believe I did.
770
00:49:12,733 --> 00:49:15,334
Are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?
771
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:18,438
I did. That was a terrific little spill.
That's quite a raspberry.
772
00:49:18,473 --> 00:49:21,206
That's my chopper
you just thrashed, Broseph.
773
00:49:21,241 --> 00:49:24,776
Easy, compadre.
I'm your friend out here, all right?
774
00:49:24,811 --> 00:49:28,248
I want you to fix my chopper
before I stomp your gooty ass!
775
00:49:28,283 --> 00:49:29,615
If you want to throw down, fine.
776
00:49:29,650 --> 00:49:33,063
I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary
waiting for you.
777
00:49:33,754 --> 00:49:35,954
You destroyed the only thing I love.
778
00:49:35,989 --> 00:49:39,826
All right? There it is. What do you love?
779
00:49:39,861 --> 00:49:43,147
I love poetry. And a glass of Scotch.
780
00:49:43,182 --> 00:49:46,209
And, of course, my friend Baxter here.
781
00:49:46,244 --> 00:49:49,258
Well, guess what.
Now this is happening.
782
00:49:49,293 --> 00:49:52,273
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing?
783
00:49:56,443 --> 00:49:58,149
That's how I roll.
784
00:49:58,879 --> 00:50:00,153
Baxter!
785
00:50:01,682 --> 00:50:03,217
No!
786
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:10,128
- Where the hell is he?
- He'll be here.
787
00:50:11,625 --> 00:50:13,659
- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.
- It's not like Ron.
788
00:50:13,694 --> 00:50:17,264
I'd put Brick on, but unless he's
tracking a storm front, he's useless.
789
00:50:17,299 --> 00:50:18,864
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Oh. Hello.
790
00:50:18,899 --> 00:50:22,636
Just want you to know if Ron does not
show up, I am ready to go on.
791
00:50:22,671 --> 00:50:25,572
You and I have had this discussion
a million times.
792
00:50:25,607 --> 00:50:28,175
There's never been a woman anchor.
793
00:50:28,210 --> 00:50:30,709
Mr. Harken, this city needs its news.
794
00:50:30,744 --> 00:50:34,548
You're gonna deprive them of that
because I have breasts?
795
00:50:34,583 --> 00:50:36,281
Exquisite breasts?
796
00:50:36,316 --> 00:50:40,620
I am gonna go on,
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
797
00:50:40,655 --> 00:50:42,688
Because I am good at three things,
798
00:50:42,723 --> 00:50:45,490
fighting, screwing
and reading the news.
799
00:50:45,525 --> 00:50:49,905
I've already done one of those today,
so what's the other one gonna be?
800
00:50:52,532 --> 00:50:53,806
Screwing?
801
00:50:57,471 --> 00:50:59,280
I will be in makeup.
802
00:51:01,641 --> 00:51:04,211
Jesus, she's territying!
803
00:51:04,246 --> 00:51:05,519
Fantana.
804
00:51:08,715 --> 00:51:11,957
- Ron, are you okay?
- The man punted Baxter!
805
00:51:13,587 --> 00:51:15,821
Calm down. Breathe, Ron, breathe.
806
00:51:15,856 --> 00:51:19,860
- The man that loved the motorcycle!
- What did the bad man do?
807
00:51:19,895 --> 00:51:24,397
The motorcycle on the bridge!
I hit him with a burrito!
808
00:51:24,432 --> 00:51:25,398
- Ron!
- He took him!
809
00:51:25,866 --> 00:51:29,302
He took him with his foot
and he kicked him!
810
00:51:29,337 --> 00:51:30,554
That's what he did!
811
00:51:30,589 --> 00:51:31,737
Someone punted him?
812
00:51:31,772 --> 00:51:35,981
No, wait. Wait. Let me say something.
Let me say something.
813
00:51:40,247 --> 00:51:41,453
What?
814
00:51:46,119 --> 00:51:48,989
I didn't understand one word you said.
815
00:51:49,024 --> 00:51:50,968
Ron, are you okay? Ron?
816
00:51:57,931 --> 00:51:59,931
Ron. Where are you?
817
00:51:59,966 --> 00:52:03,735
I'm in a glass case of emotion!
818
00:52:03,770 --> 00:52:08,184
He's gonna put Corningstone on.
He's gonna put Corningstone on!
819
00:52:10,277 --> 00:52:12,347
I've got to do the news!
820
00:52:26,059 --> 00:52:27,629
You're not Ron.
821
00:52:29,596 --> 00:52:32,833
We're on in 10. Good luck, lady.
822
00:52:32,868 --> 00:52:34,573
Ready the announce.
823
00:52:38,338 --> 00:52:40,640
- Power.
- Roll in.
824
00:52:40,675 --> 00:52:42,642
Power. Power.
825
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,884
One slip, and you're gone.
826
00:52:50,919 --> 00:52:52,083
Whammy.
827
00:52:52,118 --> 00:52:55,689
And your reporter
in the field, Brian Fantana.
828
00:52:55,724 --> 00:52:58,567
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.
829
00:53:00,193 --> 00:53:03,071
Good evening.
Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
830
00:53:04,397 --> 00:53:06,536
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
831
00:53:07,367 --> 00:53:08,834
Tonight's top story...
832
00:53:08,869 --> 00:53:11,304
- Okay, we're off and running.
- Three armed men wearing ski masks
833
00:53:11,339 --> 00:53:14,641
made off with over $20,000
from an area bank
834
00:53:14,676 --> 00:53:16,450
in a daring early morning robbery.
835
00:53:21,114 --> 00:53:22,456
Hey!
836
00:53:23,383 --> 00:53:26,353
And the winner of the frog-leaping
contest was Hoppy,
837
00:53:26,388 --> 00:53:29,265
with a jump of 7 feet, 10 inches.
838
00:53:31,224 --> 00:53:35,934
I used to date a guy named Hoppy down
in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
839
00:53:37,097 --> 00:53:39,464
That will do it for us at 6:00.
840
00:53:39,499 --> 00:53:44,604
From all of us here at Channel 4 News,
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
841
00:53:44,639 --> 00:53:47,540
And thanks for stopping by, San Diego.
842
00:53:47,575 --> 00:53:49,677
All clear!
843
00:53:49,712 --> 00:53:51,780
Yes! Yes!
844
00:53:52,646 --> 00:53:54,813
Lady! Lady!
845
00:53:54,848 --> 00:53:57,217
Not bad, Miss Corningstone.
Not bad at all.
846
00:53:57,252 --> 00:53:59,885
Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good.
847
00:53:59,920 --> 00:54:02,956
- That felt really good.
- I liked your sign-off line, too.
848
00:54:02,991 --> 00:54:05,902
You did? It just came through me.
It was so organic.
849
00:54:07,093 --> 00:54:08,503
Thank you.
850
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:14,467
Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling!
I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God.
851
00:54:14,502 --> 00:54:16,369
I have something magnificent to tell you.
852
00:54:16,404 --> 00:54:18,570
I'm here. We can do the news now.
853
00:54:18,605 --> 00:54:22,342
It's all right, everyone!
We can do the news. Hold on.
854
00:54:22,377 --> 00:54:25,029
Why are we all standing around?
Let's go!
855
00:54:25,064 --> 00:54:27,681
Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you.
856
00:54:28,248 --> 00:54:29,281
What?
857
00:54:29,316 --> 00:54:31,434
Sweetheart,
we were so worried about you,
858
00:54:31,469 --> 00:54:33,518
and we waited
as long as we could, but...
859
00:54:33,553 --> 00:54:37,796
Darling, I did the news,
and I nailed it. I nailed it.
860
00:54:38,725 --> 00:54:40,659
Wait, wait! Veronica, please,
861
00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:45,265
tell me this is some kind of sick,
tasteless joke.
862
00:54:45,300 --> 00:54:47,599
You weren't here.
Why are you being this way?
863
00:54:47,634 --> 00:54:52,806
Why can't you be proud of me
as a peer and as my gentleman lover?
864
00:54:52,841 --> 00:54:53,939
Oh, jeez.
865
00:54:53,974 --> 00:54:57,043
I can't believe you did this to me!
866
00:54:57,078 --> 00:54:58,677
You read my news!
867
00:54:58,712 --> 00:55:03,583
I told you that I wanted to be an anchor.
I told you that.
868
00:55:03,618 --> 00:55:07,754
I thought you were kidding!
I thought it was a joke!
869
00:55:07,789 --> 00:55:10,255
I even wrote it down in my diary!
870
00:55:10,290 --> 00:55:13,558
'Veronica had a very funny joke today. '
871
00:55:13,593 --> 00:55:17,964
- I laughed at it later that night!
- I can't believe that I cared for you.
872
00:55:17,999 --> 00:55:19,965
Get out! Just go!
873
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,801
We are through! Through!
874
00:55:22,836 --> 00:55:25,839
Because of your actions,
you scorpion woman!
875
00:55:25,874 --> 00:55:28,775
You have broken my heart,
Mr. Burgundy.
876
00:55:28,810 --> 00:55:30,914
You have broken my heart.
877
00:55:35,048 --> 00:55:39,386
From there on out,
things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.
878
00:55:39,421 --> 00:55:41,086
Corningstone was a star,
879
00:55:41,121 --> 00:55:45,325
and everything started to move
awfully fast after her big break.
880
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,025
Where's Ian? Lan!
881
00:55:47,060 --> 00:55:49,928
All right, I got a call from network.
882
00:55:49,963 --> 00:55:55,035
It looks like our broadcast last night
received a two-point ratings boost,
883
00:55:55,070 --> 00:56:00,340
and the decision has been passed down
to make Veronica our co-anchor.
884
00:56:00,375 --> 00:56:02,475
- What?
- No. No!
885
00:56:02,510 --> 00:56:04,376
No!
886
00:56:04,411 --> 00:56:06,244
- No!
- No!
887
00:56:06,279 --> 00:56:07,712
- No!
- This is wonderful.
888
00:56:07,747 --> 00:56:11,284
Ed, come here, you big silly man.
You big silly man.
889
00:56:11,319 --> 00:56:14,230
- We did it.
- What is this, amateur hour?
890
00:56:17,590 --> 00:56:20,293
- That's great.
- Thank you.
891
00:56:20,328 --> 00:56:21,533
Damn it!
892
00:56:48,321 --> 00:56:53,226
What Brian didn't tell you was
that those were not real pirates.
893
00:56:53,261 --> 00:56:55,627
- They looked convincing, though.
- Oh, yes.
894
00:56:55,662 --> 00:56:59,833
Well, for all of us here
at Channel 4 News, I'm Ron Burgundy.
895
00:56:59,868 --> 00:57:01,919
You stay classy, San Diego.
896
00:57:01,954 --> 00:57:04,096
And thanks for stopping by.
897
00:57:04,131 --> 00:57:06,204
But mainly stay classy.
898
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:08,541
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.
899
00:57:08,576 --> 00:57:10,643
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy.
900
00:57:10,678 --> 00:57:12,178
Ron Burgundy.
901
00:57:15,381 --> 00:57:19,021
You are a real hooker,
and I'm gonna slap you in public.
902
00:57:20,153 --> 00:57:22,155
You have way too much pubic hair.
903
00:57:22,190 --> 00:57:24,122
Actually, that's a point of pride.
904
00:57:24,157 --> 00:57:27,729
I'm very proud of my mane of pubic hair,
so thank you.
905
00:57:30,763 --> 00:57:33,865
You have man boobs.
906
00:57:33,900 --> 00:57:36,380
You've got a dirty, whorish mouth.
907
00:57:40,874 --> 00:57:44,878
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.
A straight shot.
908
00:57:44,913 --> 00:57:46,857
Right to the baby-maker.
909
00:57:47,647 --> 00:57:50,648
Jazz flute is for little fairy boys.
910
00:57:50,683 --> 00:57:53,140
Okay, you know what?
That's uncalled for.
911
00:57:53,175 --> 00:57:55,598
I can't work with this woman.
It's terrible.
912
00:57:58,124 --> 00:57:59,796
It's ringing.
913
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:02,760
Veronica Corningstone.
914
00:58:02,795 --> 00:58:06,698
Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin
from the network.
915
00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:09,936
You've just been promoted.
You're gonna need to move to Moscow.
916
00:58:09,971 --> 00:58:11,803
Start cleaning up your desk.
917
00:58:11,838 --> 00:58:14,107
See you in the morning.
We'll pick you up in a van.
918
00:58:14,142 --> 00:58:16,243
What did you say your name was?
919
00:58:16,278 --> 00:58:18,309
Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important.
920
00:58:18,344 --> 00:58:22,248
Start cleaning your desk,
and we'll pick you up in the morning.
921
00:58:22,283 --> 00:58:24,317
Tell her she might want to get a coat.
922
00:58:24,352 --> 00:58:27,453
Hold on. Veronica? What was it?
923
00:58:27,488 --> 00:58:28,624
Tell her to get a coat.
924
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,324
Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.
It's pretty cold.
925
00:58:31,359 --> 00:58:33,324
You might want to buy a coat.
926
00:58:33,359 --> 00:58:36,095
Are you and Champ having
a good time, Ron?
927
00:58:36,130 --> 00:58:37,262
Are we what?
928
00:58:37,297 --> 00:58:39,436
I can see you, Ron.
929
00:58:40,133 --> 00:58:42,738
- What?
- I can see you.
930
00:58:43,603 --> 00:58:46,104
Okay. Bye-bye.
931
00:58:46,139 --> 00:58:48,312
- What happened?
- She knew it was me.
932
00:58:52,745 --> 00:58:54,412
You're watching Channel 4 News
933
00:58:54,447 --> 00:58:57,850
with five-time Emmy award-winning
anchor Ron Burgundy
934
00:58:57,885 --> 00:59:00,285
and Tits McGee.
935
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:03,323
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
936
00:59:03,358 --> 00:59:05,462
Tits McGee is on vacation.
937
00:59:08,528 --> 00:59:11,031
And I'm Tits... I'm Ron Burgundy.
938
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:17,520
- Veronica Corningstone.
- This is your doctor.
939
00:59:17,555 --> 00:59:20,371
I have your pregnancy report here,
and guess what.
940
00:59:20,406 --> 00:59:23,243
You got knocked up.
You should probably get out of news.
941
00:59:23,278 --> 00:59:25,944
- Who is this?
- This is Dr. Chim.
942
00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:29,255
- Dr. Chim Richalds.
- Ron, is this you?
943
00:59:29,382 --> 00:59:33,261
I'm a professional doctor.
You saw me. You don't remember.
944
00:59:36,389 --> 00:59:37,589
You should move.
945
00:59:37,624 --> 00:59:39,726
- Get out of the business.
- This is pathetic.
946
00:59:39,761 --> 00:59:41,612
You're pathetic.
947
00:59:41,647 --> 00:59:43,428
What'd she say?
948
00:59:43,463 --> 00:59:46,239
She... I don't... I think she bought it.
949
00:59:47,533 --> 00:59:49,171
She's looking this way.
950
00:59:50,036 --> 00:59:51,640
Here she comes.
951
00:59:55,642 --> 00:59:58,177
I'll tell you what, it's just not working.
952
00:59:58,212 --> 01:00:00,713
She's making us look
like a bunch of fools.
953
01:00:00,748 --> 01:00:02,886
Helen, where's the party?
954
01:00:05,251 --> 01:00:07,492
Children, grow up.
955
01:00:09,055 --> 01:00:10,388
Son of a bee sting.
956
01:00:10,423 --> 01:00:12,290
She's turning the entire office
against us.
957
01:00:12,325 --> 01:00:15,995
- This is grim. Real grim.
- What are we gonna do?
958
01:00:16,030 --> 01:00:17,462
There's only one thing a man can do
959
01:00:17,497 --> 01:00:21,768
when he's suffering
from a spiritual and existential funk.
960
01:00:21,803 --> 01:00:23,803
Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys?
961
01:00:23,838 --> 01:00:26,146
No. Buy new suits.
962
01:00:38,785 --> 01:00:41,731
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
963
01:00:42,088 --> 01:00:43,790
Brick, I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
964
01:00:43,825 --> 01:00:45,256
Fantastic.
965
01:00:45,291 --> 01:00:47,828
- Is it a shortcut or not?
- Okay.
966
01:00:49,329 --> 01:00:50,705
Jeez.
967
01:00:54,567 --> 01:00:55,875
Hey.
968
01:00:57,136 --> 01:00:59,047
Here comes trouble.
969
01:01:01,874 --> 01:01:05,394
Burgundy and the ladies
went out for a stroll, huh?
970
01:01:05,429 --> 01:01:08,915
You boys walking around
and talking things through?
971
01:01:08,950 --> 01:01:10,917
Keep a tight perimeter.
972
01:01:12,785 --> 01:01:14,696
Yes, sirree.
973
01:01:15,521 --> 01:01:17,159
Well, well, well.
974
01:01:18,524 --> 01:01:22,062
Ron Burgundy
and the Channel 4 News Team.
975
01:01:23,663 --> 01:01:24,896
Where's your mommy?
976
01:01:24,931 --> 01:01:27,411
You back off, Evening News Team.
977
01:01:31,738 --> 01:01:36,277
You know, I understand that
they had to bring a female in.
978
01:01:38,077 --> 01:01:39,510
Change your diapers.
979
01:01:39,545 --> 01:01:42,616
Wipe the dribble away
from your bubbling lips.
980
01:01:43,850 --> 01:01:45,783
Rub Vaseline all over your heinie
981
01:01:45,818 --> 01:01:49,925
and tell you that it's special
and different from everyone else's.
982
01:01:50,857 --> 01:01:53,324
He said 'heinie'!
983
01:01:53,359 --> 01:01:56,529
- Brick, get back over here!
- Heinie!
984
01:01:56,564 --> 01:01:59,063
Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?
985
01:01:59,098 --> 01:02:03,889
Give you a little kiss on your forehead?
Tell you everything's gonna be okay?
986
01:02:03,924 --> 01:02:08,680
I've had enough of you, Mantooth.
This is gonna end right here, right now.
987
01:02:09,175 --> 01:02:12,417
- Let's dance, dickweed.
- You wanna dance, Ronnie?
988
01:02:16,315 --> 01:02:18,021
I wanna polka.
989
01:02:26,926 --> 01:02:28,700
Come get a taste.
990
01:02:33,032 --> 01:02:36,502
- Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?
- I don't know.
991
01:02:37,770 --> 01:02:40,409
All right. Let's do this!
992
01:02:42,542 --> 01:02:43,850
Hey!
993
01:02:46,946 --> 01:02:48,613
If you're gonna have a fight,
994
01:02:48,648 --> 01:02:51,617
then don't forget
Channel 2 News with me,
995
01:02:51,652 --> 01:02:53,785
lead anchor Frank Vitchard.
996
01:02:53,820 --> 01:02:56,889
You dirtbags have been in third place
for five years.
997
01:02:56,924 --> 01:03:00,734
Yeah?
Well, you're about to be in dead place.
998
01:03:07,133 --> 01:03:10,535
Not so fast, you ingrates!
999
01:03:10,570 --> 01:03:15,107
Public News Team is taking a break
from its pledge drive to kick some ass.
1000
01:03:15,142 --> 01:03:18,019
No commercials! No mercy!
1001
01:03:32,758 --> 01:03:34,961
Spanish Language News is here.
1002
01:03:34,996 --> 01:03:36,494
Tonight's top story,
1003
01:03:36,529 --> 01:03:39,737
the sewers run red
with Burgundy's blood.
1004
01:03:47,540 --> 01:03:51,351
Well, looks like we got ourselves
a bilingual bloodfest.
1005
01:03:58,351 --> 01:04:02,196
Now, before we do this,
let's go over the ground rules.
1006
01:04:04,724 --> 01:04:06,824
Rule number one,
1007
01:04:06,859 --> 01:04:09,566
no touching of the hair or face.
1008
01:04:10,463 --> 01:04:11,907
Of course.
1009
01:04:12,431 --> 01:04:15,241
And that's it! Now let's do this!
1010
01:04:24,577 --> 01:04:25,783
Begin!
1011
01:05:04,483 --> 01:05:06,619
I'm gonna straight-up murder your ass!
1012
01:05:06,654 --> 01:05:08,655
- Blade!
- Here you go, mate!
1013
01:05:09,689 --> 01:05:13,364
God! Oh! I did not see that coming!
1014
01:05:19,532 --> 01:05:22,774
- Now I'll be number one.
- No, you won't!
1015
01:05:28,207 --> 01:05:30,118
It's the police! It's the police!
1016
01:05:41,020 --> 01:05:43,625
Boy, that escalated quickly.
1017
01:05:44,624 --> 01:05:47,209
I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
1018
01:05:47,244 --> 01:05:49,795
- It jumped up a notch.
- It did, didn't it?
1019
01:05:49,830 --> 01:05:52,865
Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
1020
01:05:52,900 --> 01:05:55,218
I saw that. Brick killed a guy.
1021
01:05:55,253 --> 01:05:57,501
- Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah.
1022
01:05:57,536 --> 01:06:01,607
There were horses and a man on fire
and I killed a guy with a trident.
1023
01:06:01,642 --> 01:06:03,674
I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
1024
01:06:03,709 --> 01:06:06,877
Find yourself a safe house
or a relative close by.
1025
01:06:06,912 --> 01:06:11,050
Lay low for a while, because
you're probably wanted for murder.
1026
01:06:11,085 --> 01:06:14,170
I'm proud of you fellas.
You kept your head on a swivel.
1027
01:06:14,205 --> 01:06:17,065
That's what you gotta do
when you're in a vicious cockfight.
1028
01:06:17,100 --> 01:06:19,597
Can you believe Mantooth and
the Channel 9 Evening News Team?
1029
01:06:19,632 --> 01:06:22,094
'Where's your mommy?
Someone's gotta change your diapers. '
1030
01:06:22,129 --> 01:06:24,897
This Corningstone business
is really hurting our rep.
1031
01:06:24,932 --> 01:06:26,964
I know exactly what you mean, Brian.
1032
01:06:26,999 --> 01:06:29,734
Every newsman in this city's
laughing at us.
1033
01:06:29,769 --> 01:06:33,671
- And I don't like it.
- I don't like the put-downs.
1034
01:06:33,706 --> 01:06:38,344
We're gonna do something about it.
It is time to put an end to this!
1035
01:06:38,379 --> 01:06:40,546
Last time I looked,
my name's Ron Burgundy.
1036
01:06:40,581 --> 01:06:42,114
- What's your name?
- Brian Fantana.
1037
01:06:42,149 --> 01:06:43,883
- Champ Kind.
- Brian Fantana.
1038
01:06:43,918 --> 01:06:45,249
No, you're Brick.
1039
01:06:45,284 --> 01:06:46,694
- Brian.
- I'm Brian.
1040
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:50,830
And I've shown you, old man!
1041
01:06:51,490 --> 01:06:54,493
Garth, I need to look at these tapes
for a potential lead.
1042
01:06:54,528 --> 01:06:55,626
Ron's using the machine
1043
01:06:55,661 --> 01:06:58,731
to play his local Emmy acceptance
speech from last year.
1044
01:06:58,766 --> 01:07:01,098
I tried to ask her out on a date.
1045
01:07:01,133 --> 01:07:04,135
Turn the music off! L'm still talking!
1046
01:07:04,170 --> 01:07:06,472
- This is ridiculous!
- I don't remember doing it.
1047
01:07:06,507 --> 01:07:09,707
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
1048
01:07:09,742 --> 01:07:13,429
I need this machine
so I can watch a tape for a story.
1049
01:07:13,464 --> 01:07:17,116
I'm using the tape.
I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape.
1050
01:07:17,151 --> 01:07:18,449
We are watching history.
1051
01:07:18,484 --> 01:07:23,522
Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional,
and I would like to be able to do my job.
1052
01:07:23,557 --> 01:07:26,791
Big deal! I am very professional!
1053
01:07:26,826 --> 01:07:29,160
Mr. Burgundy,
you are acting like a baby.
1054
01:07:29,195 --> 01:07:32,598
I'm not a baby, I am a man.
I am an anchorman!
1055
01:07:32,633 --> 01:07:36,001
You are not a man.
You are a big fat joke!
1056
01:07:36,036 --> 01:07:37,868
I'm a man who discovered the wheel
1057
01:07:37,903 --> 01:07:41,307
and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn.
1058
01:07:41,342 --> 01:07:43,274
That's what kind of man I am.
1059
01:07:43,309 --> 01:07:45,943
You're just a woman with a small brain.
1060
01:07:45,978 --> 01:07:49,715
With a brain a third the size of us.
It's science.
1061
01:07:49,750 --> 01:07:52,416
I will have you know
that I have more talent
1062
01:07:52,451 --> 01:07:57,757
and more intelligence in my little finger
than you do in your entire body, sir!
1063
01:07:57,792 --> 01:08:00,066
You are a smelly pirate hooker!
1064
01:08:00,659 --> 01:08:02,526
You look like a blueberry.
1065
01:08:02,561 --> 01:08:06,065
Why don't you go back to your home
on Whore Island?
1066
01:08:06,100 --> 01:08:08,875
Well, you have bad hair.
1067
01:08:11,270 --> 01:08:13,337
What did you say?
1068
01:08:13,372 --> 01:08:18,947
I said your hair looks stupid.
1069
01:08:26,252 --> 01:08:29,756
- Let them work it out!
- It's between the two of them!
1070
01:08:41,634 --> 01:08:44,338
They're just talking. Just talking.
1071
01:08:44,373 --> 01:08:47,043
- I hate you!
- I hate you more!
1072
01:09:01,253 --> 01:09:02,891
Shut up! Shut up!
1073
01:09:06,959 --> 01:09:10,663
All right, stop!
Stop what you're doing right now!
1074
01:09:10,698 --> 01:09:13,700
I will not have my newsroom be divided.
1075
01:09:15,434 --> 01:09:17,174
Knights of Columbus, that hurts!
1076
01:09:20,239 --> 01:09:22,514
I was like, 'Who is that guy?'
1077
01:09:25,377 --> 01:09:28,581
I just can't believe what Ron did to you.
1078
01:09:28,616 --> 01:09:31,721
- It is so awful.
- Yes.
1079
01:09:33,185 --> 01:09:37,497
Have you ever thought about
fighting fire with fire?
1080
01:09:40,292 --> 01:09:41,826
What do you mean?
1081
01:09:41,861 --> 01:09:46,232
I have some information
that you can choose to use or not use.
1082
01:09:46,267 --> 01:09:47,998
Up to you.
1083
01:09:48,033 --> 01:09:53,138
Ron Burgundy will read anything
that is put on that Teleprompter.
1084
01:09:53,173 --> 01:09:57,017
And when I say anything,
I mean anything.
1085
01:10:06,285 --> 01:10:07,351
Arnold, cue one.
1086
01:10:07,386 --> 01:10:09,520
After the Fotomat was destroyed,
1087
01:10:09,555 --> 01:10:12,456
the bear scampered back
into the woods.
1088
01:10:12,491 --> 01:10:15,904
Apparently he wasn't too happy
with his color prints.
1089
01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:21,934
From the entire Channel 4 News Team,
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1090
01:10:21,969 --> 01:10:23,868
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1091
01:10:23,903 --> 01:10:26,144
Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
1092
01:10:32,678 --> 01:10:34,680
What in the name...
1093
01:10:34,715 --> 01:10:35,749
No!
1094
01:10:36,548 --> 01:10:40,655
Nobody talks about my city that way!
Ron Burgundy's ass is grass!
1095
01:10:43,589 --> 01:10:46,624
Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.
1096
01:10:46,659 --> 01:10:49,194
Really good.
Everyone on the floor as well.
1097
01:10:49,229 --> 01:10:51,765
Really a lot of hustle. I liked it.
1098
01:10:52,231 --> 01:10:54,108
Dump out! Dump out!
1099
01:10:55,334 --> 01:10:56,567
Hello, Edward.
1100
01:10:56,602 --> 01:10:59,104
- Ron, I've got to fire you.
- I've got to fire you.
1101
01:10:59,139 --> 01:11:01,810
Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed.
1102
01:11:01,845 --> 01:11:04,481
Do you even know what you just said?
1103
01:11:05,911 --> 01:11:09,498
- Great Odin's raven!
- Are you happy, Ron?
1104
01:11:09,533 --> 01:11:13,050
Veronica.
She put that in the Teleprompter.
1105
01:11:13,085 --> 01:11:16,989
You're probably right,
but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
1106
01:11:17,024 --> 01:11:20,343
My hands are tied. I... I gotta fire you.
1107
01:11:20,378 --> 01:11:23,627
Ed, let's hold on. Let's count to 10.
1108
01:11:23,662 --> 01:11:27,466
That's a rash decision.
Is this about something else?
1109
01:11:27,501 --> 01:11:31,537
Ed, there's 300
very angry San Diego-ites.
1110
01:11:31,572 --> 01:11:34,023
San Diego-ins. San Diego-uns.
1111
01:11:34,058 --> 01:11:36,440
- San Dieg-ons.
- San Diegans.
1112
01:11:36,475 --> 01:11:38,676
San Diegans out in front of the station.
1113
01:11:38,711 --> 01:11:42,081
- They want Ron's blood.
- They want to hurt you.
1114
01:11:42,116 --> 01:11:44,493
Why did you say that? Why?
1115
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:47,462
Why, Ron? Why?
1116
01:11:48,487 --> 01:11:51,255
- You're my hero, Ron.
- Garth, I...
1117
01:11:51,290 --> 01:11:55,101
And you come out
with stink like that, poop!
1118
01:11:56,261 --> 01:12:00,531
You poop mouth!
Get all the poop out of your mouth!
1119
01:12:00,566 --> 01:12:04,370
If I were to give you money out of my
wallet, would that ease the pain?
1120
01:12:04,405 --> 01:12:07,544
I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you!
1121
01:12:13,579 --> 01:12:16,847
Ron? Ron!
I never wanted it to be like this.
1122
01:12:16,882 --> 01:12:20,519
I can't believe you did this to me!
Are you happy?
1123
01:12:20,554 --> 01:12:24,273
No, Ron, I'm not!
It was supposed to be a joke.
1124
01:12:24,308 --> 01:12:27,993
I mean, it's still kind of funny.
But it's not.
1125
01:12:28,028 --> 01:12:30,546
I have nothing left! Nothing!
1126
01:12:30,581 --> 01:12:33,030
I've been reduced to rubble!
1127
01:12:33,065 --> 01:12:35,701
Don't you know
I would never say the word fuck?
1128
01:12:35,736 --> 01:12:38,337
I would never fucking
ever fucking say that!
1129
01:12:38,372 --> 01:12:39,870
Ever!
1130
01:12:39,905 --> 01:12:42,891
Let's go. These people
are about to pull you apart.
1131
01:12:42,926 --> 01:12:45,878
I'm sorry.
Get your hands off him, you bastards!
1132
01:12:45,913 --> 01:12:48,847
Don't you know I would never say fuck?
1133
01:12:48,882 --> 01:12:50,716
- Fuck!
- Move.
1134
01:12:50,751 --> 01:12:53,594
No! No!
1135
01:13:06,665 --> 01:13:08,967
Mr. Burgundy, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
1136
01:13:09,002 --> 01:13:11,935
- Please, I...
- You're an awful man!
1137
01:13:11,970 --> 01:13:15,940
You are truly a disappointment
to us all, Mr. Burgundy!
1138
01:13:17,543 --> 01:13:21,047
Bob Dylan once wrote,
The Times They are A-Changin'.
1139
01:13:21,580 --> 01:13:24,216
Ron Burgundy
had never heard that song.
1140
01:13:24,251 --> 01:13:26,958
So when he fell, he fell hard.
1141
01:13:31,590 --> 01:13:35,299
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!
1142
01:13:35,761 --> 01:13:39,674
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone.
1143
01:13:40,299 --> 01:13:41,665
Tonight's top story,
1144
01:13:41,700 --> 01:13:46,271
an ultrasound of Ling Wong,
the most famous panda in the world,
1145
01:13:46,306 --> 01:13:48,674
shows that her baby is doing quite well.
1146
01:13:48,709 --> 01:13:49,811
No!
1147
01:13:57,216 --> 01:13:59,388
Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
1148
01:13:59,423 --> 01:14:01,561
Hello, this is Ron.
1149
01:14:02,121 --> 01:14:03,292
Hello.
1150
01:14:03,589 --> 01:14:06,058
Who's there? I'm talking. Hello.
1151
01:14:06,093 --> 01:14:07,858
Who is this?
1152
01:14:07,893 --> 01:14:11,762
Baxter, is that you? Baxter!
1153
01:14:11,797 --> 01:14:14,277
Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee.
1154
01:14:15,067 --> 01:14:16,568
Is this Wilt Chamberlain?
1155
01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:20,513
Have the courage
to say something. Hello!
1156
01:14:22,307 --> 01:14:23,478
Hello!
1157
01:14:30,649 --> 01:14:32,983
Oh, Tino, thank you
for letting me come in here.
1158
01:14:33,018 --> 01:14:36,457
- I'm glad I can still get a good meal.
- Yeah, sure.
1159
01:14:36,492 --> 01:14:39,897
Here you are,
the chef made this special for you.
1160
01:14:41,927 --> 01:14:44,163
You eat that
for the way you talk about my city.
1161
01:14:44,198 --> 01:14:46,330
I will not eat that.
1162
01:14:46,365 --> 01:14:48,267
You're going to eat that cat poo.
1163
01:14:48,302 --> 01:14:50,467
I will not eat cat poop.
1164
01:14:50,502 --> 01:14:53,505
- You will eat cat poo.
- Ron Burgundy says no!
1165
01:14:53,540 --> 01:14:56,308
You make a fool of me
and everyone here.
1166
01:14:56,343 --> 01:14:58,977
You put that cat poo in your mouth.
1167
01:14:59,012 --> 01:15:01,547
- No!
- Yes!
1168
01:15:01,582 --> 01:15:04,114
No!
1169
01:15:04,149 --> 01:15:07,519
- I will not eat cat poop.
- You will do it immediately!
1170
01:15:07,554 --> 01:15:09,219
- No!
- You will!
1171
01:15:09,254 --> 01:15:11,907
- Fine, I'll try to eat one...
- Get in there.
1172
01:15:11,942 --> 01:15:14,525
If I take one bite
will you get me a steak?
1173
01:15:14,560 --> 01:15:17,029
If I take one bite of shit
will you bring me a steak?
1174
01:15:17,064 --> 01:15:18,915
I'll think about it.
1175
01:15:18,950 --> 01:15:20,731
Yeah, get in there.
1176
01:15:20,766 --> 01:15:23,869
- Yeah, start with the eggplant.
- I am so hungry.
1177
01:15:23,904 --> 01:15:26,770
- There.
- Oh, God!
1178
01:15:26,805 --> 01:15:29,512
A steak. A big steak for him, please.
1179
01:15:30,709 --> 01:15:33,043
No! I had one bite.
1180
01:15:33,078 --> 01:15:34,947
- That's not enough.
- Son of a bitch.
1181
01:15:34,982 --> 01:15:36,914
You like this?
1182
01:15:36,949 --> 01:15:39,449
Oh, don't cry. Don't cry.
1183
01:15:39,484 --> 01:15:41,618
He's not crying. He's not crying.
1184
01:15:41,653 --> 01:15:45,322
- Don't cry in my...
- I'll eat the shit. I don't care.
1185
01:15:45,357 --> 01:15:49,861
- I'll eat the entire hunk of shit.
- Okay, just finish it up.
1186
01:15:49,896 --> 01:15:51,101
Don't you feel better now?
1187
01:15:53,498 --> 01:15:56,133
Hey, you watch yourself, mister.
1188
01:15:56,168 --> 01:15:59,478
- Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah.
- You smell.
1189
01:16:03,141 --> 01:16:06,986
Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron. Fellas!
1190
01:16:08,580 --> 01:16:10,983
Harken said he'd fire us
if we talked to you.
1191
01:16:11,018 --> 01:16:13,827
- What?
- I'm sorry.
1192
01:16:14,886 --> 01:16:16,486
Brian!
1193
01:16:16,521 --> 01:16:18,790
- It's Ronnie!
- Ron!
1194
01:16:18,825 --> 01:16:20,657
- Champ!
- Ron!
1195
01:16:20,692 --> 01:16:23,161
Champ, come on. Come on!
1196
01:16:23,196 --> 01:16:24,162
Go, Brick.
1197
01:16:24,463 --> 01:16:25,839
My sweet Brick.
1198
01:16:27,366 --> 01:16:30,437
Brick, come hug me. I know you want to.
1199
01:16:31,136 --> 01:16:34,412
I am completely miserable, San Diego!
1200
01:16:37,876 --> 01:16:39,878
It's so damn hot!
1201
01:16:42,547 --> 01:16:44,549
Milk was a bad choice!
1202
01:16:52,190 --> 01:16:54,091
Yes, yes. Chris, listen to me.
1203
01:16:54,126 --> 01:16:57,262
Put down the gun
and let the marching band go.
1204
01:16:57,297 --> 01:16:59,730
We'll play it off as a prank.
1205
01:16:59,765 --> 01:17:02,901
We'll straighten it out later.
I'm getting another call.
1206
01:17:02,936 --> 01:17:04,735
Ed Harken.
1207
01:17:04,770 --> 01:17:07,004
What? Oh, my God!
1208
01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:11,343
Listen, everybody,
Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!
1209
01:17:11,378 --> 01:17:14,511
Get Corningstone over there right away!
1210
01:17:14,546 --> 01:17:19,324
The network is picking up the feed.
I want a shot of that panda being born!
1211
01:17:25,957 --> 01:17:28,694
This is Ted Nightingale,
Channel 6 News Los Angeles,
1212
01:17:28,729 --> 01:17:30,294
reporting from the San Diego Zoo.
1213
01:17:30,329 --> 01:17:35,033
And this is the moment
the entire world has been waiting for.
1214
01:17:35,068 --> 01:17:37,969
I can only speculate
as to the sex of the panda,
1215
01:17:38,004 --> 01:17:41,138
but if I had to guess, I'd say female.
1216
01:17:41,173 --> 01:17:43,540
- Excuse me. Press.
- Hey, lady, watch it.
1217
01:17:43,575 --> 01:17:45,677
Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you.
What do you got?
1218
01:17:45,712 --> 01:17:48,453
Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain.
1219
01:17:49,381 --> 01:17:50,580
Oh, damn it.
1220
01:17:50,615 --> 01:17:54,519
Go over there and see
if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.
1221
01:17:54,554 --> 01:17:58,256
Hey, lady,
why don't you go fetch me a sandwich?
1222
01:17:58,291 --> 01:18:00,657
Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.
1223
01:18:00,692 --> 01:18:03,795
Then I'll show you the ratings
where you're number two to a woman.
1224
01:18:03,830 --> 01:18:06,639
Ouch. Don't lose any more hair over it.
1225
01:18:07,966 --> 01:18:10,537
- Whatever.
- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.
1226
01:18:11,770 --> 01:18:13,970
Good afternoon, San Diego.
1227
01:18:14,005 --> 01:18:17,008
We're here today to celebrate
the birth of a panda.
1228
01:18:17,043 --> 01:18:19,784
Sky rockets in flight
1229
01:18:20,278 --> 01:18:24,658
Afternoon delight
1230
01:18:27,319 --> 01:18:30,561
I make fart noises with my mouth
1231
01:18:31,957 --> 01:18:33,323
And I like to cut...
1232
01:18:33,358 --> 01:18:37,979
Hey, nut job! Quit the singing!
Creeping out all the regulars.
1233
01:18:38,014 --> 01:18:42,601
I'm expressing my inner anguish
through the majesty of song!
1234
01:18:42,636 --> 01:18:45,537
Look, drunkie,
you been coming in here every day,
1235
01:18:45,572 --> 01:18:47,237
stinking up the joint with your craziness.
1236
01:18:47,272 --> 01:18:51,443
- Now, what the hell is wrong with you?
- I got no heart!
1237
01:18:51,478 --> 01:18:54,544
Because a she-devil stole it!
1238
01:18:54,579 --> 01:18:57,355
You know
what the worst part about it is?
1239
01:18:58,417 --> 01:19:00,419
She's better than me!
1240
01:19:01,853 --> 01:19:03,923
She's better than me.
1241
01:19:05,257 --> 01:19:07,532
You know, times are changing.
1242
01:19:08,493 --> 01:19:11,027
Ladies can do stuff now.
1243
01:19:11,062 --> 01:19:14,065
You're gonna have to learn
how to deal with that.
1244
01:19:14,100 --> 01:19:16,421
What? Were you saying something?
1245
01:19:16,456 --> 01:19:18,743
Look, I don't speak Spanish.
1246
01:19:30,248 --> 01:19:33,752
Scotty. Scotty, I have the shot.
1247
01:19:33,787 --> 01:19:35,390
Scotty. Scotty!
1248
01:19:36,455 --> 01:19:41,091
Hey, that is some fantastic shot
you got there.
1249
01:19:41,126 --> 01:19:43,662
The kind of shot that gets you
to the top of network news.
1250
01:19:43,697 --> 01:19:47,454
- Oh, well, we hope.
- We at public television,
1251
01:19:47,489 --> 01:19:51,211
we're really down
with the woman's lib thing.
1252
01:19:52,471 --> 01:19:56,111
That is so refreshing to me.
Because the struggle I've...
1253
01:20:00,212 --> 01:20:02,248
Howie, we have the shot.
1254
01:20:04,015 --> 01:20:06,068
Up a little. Up, up.
1255
01:20:06,103 --> 01:20:08,121
You son of a bitch!
1256
01:20:09,955 --> 01:20:12,492
Don't want to wake up your friends.
1257
01:20:22,901 --> 01:20:24,000
Help!
1258
01:20:24,035 --> 01:20:26,454
- Simply vanished.
- How do you lose your lead anchor?
1259
01:20:26,489 --> 01:20:28,874
- I can't find Corningstone.
- Where the hell is she?
1260
01:20:28,909 --> 01:20:31,208
- No one's seen her.
- I can't believe this.
1261
01:20:31,243 --> 01:20:34,846
Every news outlet in the world
is looking for coverage on this.
1262
01:20:34,881 --> 01:20:38,215
I've got no damn lead anchor!
1263
01:20:38,250 --> 01:20:42,664
Damn it! Get me a phone.
I can't believe I'm about to do this.
1264
01:20:45,857 --> 01:20:47,557
Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining.
1265
01:20:47,592 --> 01:20:50,861
- Is there an anchorman there?
- Hold on.
1266
01:20:50,896 --> 01:20:53,565
This is killing me.
I'd rather slit my throat.
1267
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:56,099
- Hello?
- Hello?
1268
01:20:56,134 --> 01:20:58,036
- Is this Ron?
- Who is this?
1269
01:20:58,071 --> 01:20:59,903
- It's me. Ed.
- Who?
1270
01:20:59,938 --> 01:21:02,440
- Ed Harken.
- I don't know a Ned.
1271
01:21:02,475 --> 01:21:05,509
- Ed Harken!
- Ed!
1272
01:21:05,544 --> 01:21:07,244
- Ed, hello.
- Listen, Ron.
1273
01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:10,916
Corningstone disappeared in the midst
of the biggest story of the year.
1274
01:21:10,951 --> 01:21:13,184
We need you down here right away.
1275
01:21:13,219 --> 01:21:14,684
Wait, Ed.
1276
01:21:14,719 --> 01:21:18,325
Does this mean you're asking me
to report the news again?
1277
01:21:19,925 --> 01:21:21,460
- Yes.
- Ed!
1278
01:21:21,693 --> 01:21:23,960
That's wonderful! Thank you!
1279
01:21:23,995 --> 01:21:26,498
Ed, hold on. I want to say a few words.
1280
01:21:26,665 --> 01:21:29,668
- You have always been a good friend!
- Right.
1281
01:21:29,703 --> 01:21:31,147
- Always!
- Right.
1282
01:21:33,471 --> 01:21:36,808
Get down here as quickly as you can.
1283
01:21:36,843 --> 01:21:38,810
Ed, I'll be down there.
1284
01:21:39,511 --> 01:21:41,650
And I'm going to look good.
1285
01:21:51,790 --> 01:21:54,843
Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.
1286
01:21:54,878 --> 01:21:57,861
Damn! That dude cleans up good!
1287
01:21:57,896 --> 01:22:01,536
If I'm gonna do this,
I'll need my news team at my side.
1288
01:22:09,207 --> 01:22:11,514
News team!
1289
01:22:11,549 --> 01:22:13,821
Assemble!
1290
01:22:21,252 --> 01:22:24,790
News team, assemble!
1291
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:28,878
Hey, Ron.
1292
01:22:28,913 --> 01:22:30,731
What's up?
1293
01:22:32,330 --> 01:22:34,931
Hi. Didn't see you there.
1294
01:22:34,966 --> 01:22:38,436
We've been here
literally the entire time you have.
1295
01:22:38,471 --> 01:22:41,373
I'm a little embarrassed.
1296
01:22:41,408 --> 01:22:42,672
Look.
1297
01:22:42,707 --> 01:22:46,978
I just got the call from Harken.
He wants me back.
1298
01:22:47,013 --> 01:22:49,147
But I can't do this
without my news team.
1299
01:22:49,182 --> 01:22:50,981
I don't know, Ron.
1300
01:22:51,016 --> 01:22:54,019
That was half a lifetime ago.
We're different people now.
1301
01:22:54,054 --> 01:22:56,353
When you left, the hurt was so deep.
1302
01:22:56,388 --> 01:22:58,323
I don't know
if I can go through that again.
1303
01:22:58,358 --> 01:22:59,991
Think about what you're asking.
1304
01:23:00,026 --> 01:23:01,936
...man.
1305
01:23:02,694 --> 01:23:04,366
Gentlemen,
1306
01:23:05,263 --> 01:23:10,474
there was a time
when you called me your lead anchor.
1307
01:23:13,738 --> 01:23:15,979
Will you follow me again?
1308
01:23:17,976 --> 01:23:20,612
I'm getting too old for this shit.
1309
01:23:20,647 --> 01:23:22,412
To the news van!
1310
01:23:22,447 --> 01:23:24,426
- To the news van!
- Okay!
1311
01:23:36,628 --> 01:23:40,697
Well, I'll be. Ron Burgundy. He's back!
1312
01:23:40,732 --> 01:23:43,935
Gentlemen, let's try to get
in a good position for the story.
1313
01:23:43,970 --> 01:23:45,970
- How does the hair look?
- Magnificent.
1314
01:23:46,005 --> 01:23:48,143
You have hair like an angel.
1315
01:23:49,908 --> 01:23:51,074
Network talent scout.
1316
01:23:51,109 --> 01:23:54,544
- This is a hot one.
- I'm actually nervous.
1317
01:23:54,579 --> 01:23:58,356
Let's go get them.
Wait! Did you just hear something?
1318
01:23:59,984 --> 01:24:01,317
Help.
1319
01:24:01,352 --> 01:24:03,855
- Ron, help!
- Veronica!
1320
01:24:03,890 --> 01:24:05,855
Are you okay?
1321
01:24:05,890 --> 01:24:07,942
How did you get down there?
1322
01:24:07,977 --> 01:24:09,994
Just go get someone. Please.
1323
01:24:10,029 --> 01:24:12,406
Hold on. Hold on!
1324
01:24:15,266 --> 01:24:17,033
We've got to do something.
1325
01:24:17,068 --> 01:24:19,837
Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but...
1326
01:24:19,872 --> 01:24:22,607
There's a network talent scout
over there.
1327
01:24:22,642 --> 01:24:24,693
This is a tough decision.
1328
01:24:24,728 --> 01:24:26,710
So much to think about.
1329
01:24:26,745 --> 01:24:29,212
Basically the biggest story of my career,
1330
01:24:29,247 --> 01:24:33,216
launching me to a level
I've never known before,
1331
01:24:33,251 --> 01:24:37,494
or saving the woman
I used to have familiar relations with.
1332
01:24:38,890 --> 01:24:42,200
This is hard! I am in a pickle!
1333
01:24:43,561 --> 01:24:48,700
Ron, I know it sounds harsh,
but God does not want her to live.
1334
01:24:48,735 --> 01:24:50,440
No. Hold on.
1335
01:24:51,069 --> 01:24:52,639
It's clear now.
1336
01:24:55,540 --> 01:24:57,542
We go into the bear pit.
1337
01:24:59,043 --> 01:25:00,613
Ron, don't.
1338
01:25:07,452 --> 01:25:10,386
I immediately regret this decision.
1339
01:25:10,421 --> 01:25:13,490
What are you doing?
Why didn't you get help?
1340
01:25:13,525 --> 01:25:17,929
These bears are massive!
They looked a lot smaller from up there.
1341
01:25:17,964 --> 01:25:20,341
Fan out. Let's go find Harken.
1342
01:25:21,733 --> 01:25:23,473
Stay calm.
1343
01:25:25,370 --> 01:25:29,140
It's all right.
I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.
1344
01:25:29,175 --> 01:25:31,107
- Oh, Ron.
- Yes, yes.
1345
01:25:31,142 --> 01:25:36,080
In case we die here today,
there's something that you should know.
1346
01:25:36,115 --> 01:25:39,534
That dirty trick with the Teleprompter,
it wasn't...
1347
01:25:39,569 --> 01:25:42,954
Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
It wasn't you, was it?
1348
01:25:42,989 --> 01:25:45,388
It was Wes Mantooth.
1349
01:25:45,423 --> 01:25:47,912
- I should have known.
- No, no.
1350
01:25:47,947 --> 01:25:50,402
- No, I did it.
- You bitch!
1351
01:25:54,566 --> 01:25:57,410
You woke the bears.
Why did you do that?
1352
01:25:59,971 --> 01:26:03,179
There's somebody in the bear pit!
1353
01:26:06,377 --> 01:26:12,817
It took my impending death
for me to realize how much I need you.
1354
01:26:12,852 --> 01:26:14,352
Oh, Ron.
1355
01:26:17,689 --> 01:26:19,357
Those bears are gonna hurt them!
1356
01:26:19,392 --> 01:26:22,599
News team, let's hunt.
1357
01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:25,296
News team!
1358
01:26:29,100 --> 01:26:30,510
Bear fight!
1359
01:26:33,638 --> 01:26:36,209
Come on. Come on!
1360
01:26:42,213 --> 01:26:43,913
Damn!
1361
01:26:43,948 --> 01:26:45,950
Hit them in the uvula!
1362
01:26:47,085 --> 01:26:50,122
Hey, Ron! I'm riding a furry tractor!
1363
01:26:51,689 --> 01:26:53,825
The bears have descended
on the news team
1364
01:26:53,860 --> 01:26:55,158
and it's not going well.
1365
01:26:55,193 --> 01:26:57,673
Clearly, after today, I will no longer...
1366
01:26:58,529 --> 01:27:01,030
Come on! Oh, God!
1367
01:27:01,065 --> 01:27:03,568
It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous!
1368
01:27:05,270 --> 01:27:06,646
Oh, no.
1369
01:27:07,605 --> 01:27:09,482
We woke up the mama.
1370
01:27:12,243 --> 01:27:13,744
Oh, God!
1371
01:27:15,580 --> 01:27:18,026
I don't wanna die.
1372
01:27:23,288 --> 01:27:24,823
Baxter!
1373
01:28:05,964 --> 01:28:10,635
- Look! They're following their mother!
- It's instinct.
1374
01:28:10,670 --> 01:28:12,375
Oh, Baxter!
1375
01:28:13,538 --> 01:28:16,674
Oh, Baxter, you're still alive!
1376
01:28:16,709 --> 01:28:19,909
Oh, I'm so happy!
1377
01:28:19,944 --> 01:28:23,681
I'm so happy! You are alive!
1378
01:28:23,716 --> 01:28:26,320
I'm so happy!
1379
01:28:32,557 --> 01:28:34,123
I will lick you!
1380
01:28:34,158 --> 01:28:37,867
I will lick you in front of everyone
to show my joy.
1381
01:28:40,164 --> 01:28:42,398
Boy, he really likes that dog.
1382
01:28:42,433 --> 01:28:47,038
Burgundy! Burgundy!
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1383
01:28:47,073 --> 01:28:49,374
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1384
01:28:49,409 --> 01:28:51,183
Hi, Ron.
1385
01:28:52,710 --> 01:28:55,446
It's always a long fall from the top,
isn't it?
1386
01:28:55,481 --> 01:28:56,612
Easy, Wes.
1387
01:28:56,647 --> 01:29:00,118
I've been waiting to say this to you
for a long time.
1388
01:29:00,153 --> 01:29:02,754
- All right.
- Deep down in my stomach,
1389
01:29:02,789 --> 01:29:05,895
with every inch of me,
1390
01:29:05,930 --> 01:29:09,002
I pure, straight hate you!
1391
01:29:13,931 --> 01:29:16,468
But, God damn it, do I respect you!
1392
01:29:29,647 --> 01:29:31,956
Thank you, brother.
1393
01:29:34,752 --> 01:29:37,687
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1394
01:29:37,722 --> 01:29:42,527
Today we spell redemption, R-O-N.
1395
01:29:42,562 --> 01:29:44,768
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1396
01:29:45,463 --> 01:29:47,263
Ron, you're my hero!
1397
01:29:47,298 --> 01:29:50,870
Ron, I think you've got a story to report.
1398
01:29:53,271 --> 01:29:56,183
- Are you sure, Ed?
- Do it.
1399
01:29:57,942 --> 01:30:00,547
It's the story you were born to tell.
1400
01:30:05,249 --> 01:30:07,685
San Diego's waiting. Go get them.
1401
01:30:07,720 --> 01:30:09,352
Make way!
1402
01:30:09,387 --> 01:30:12,424
Ron Burgundy's about to report
on pandas!
1403
01:30:14,625 --> 01:30:16,559
Count me down. Three.
1404
01:30:16,594 --> 01:30:18,429
You're live, Mr. Burgundy.
1405
01:30:18,464 --> 01:30:20,329
This is Ron Burgundy,
1406
01:30:20,364 --> 01:30:24,251
proudly reporting once again
for Channel 4 News.
1407
01:30:24,286 --> 01:30:28,848
Today's story is one
of the more remarkable things
1408
01:30:28,883 --> 01:30:33,411
ever to happen to San Diago
or even the world.
1409
01:30:33,446 --> 01:30:35,945
But in order to properly retell it,
1410
01:30:35,980 --> 01:30:40,690
I'm going to need some help
from my co-anchor,
1411
01:30:41,919 --> 01:30:44,092
Miss Veronica Corningstone.
1412
01:30:46,090 --> 01:30:48,793
- High-pressure system...
- No, no, no, no, Brick.
1413
01:30:48,828 --> 01:30:51,496
- High-pressure system...
- Go stand over there.
1414
01:30:54,465 --> 01:30:56,232
Oh, Ron.
1415
01:30:56,267 --> 01:30:59,937
Ron, there are literally thousands
of men that I should be with instead,
1416
01:30:59,972 --> 01:31:03,475
but I am 72% sure that I love you.
1417
01:31:10,648 --> 01:31:14,252
Yes, redemption was sweet
for Ron Burgundy.
1418
01:31:14,287 --> 01:31:16,719
Yes! Ron!
1419
01:31:16,754 --> 01:31:20,323
- As for the news team...
- Stop it! Ron!
1420
01:31:20,358 --> 01:31:24,095
Champ Kind went on to become
a commentator for the NFL,
1421
01:31:24,130 --> 01:31:27,165
but was later fired after being accused
1422
01:31:27,200 --> 01:31:30,201
of sexual harassment
by Terry Bradshaw.
1423
01:31:30,236 --> 01:31:32,168
Excuse me.
1424
01:31:32,203 --> 01:31:34,876
Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?
1425
01:31:36,908 --> 01:31:39,675
Brian Fantana went on
to have great success
1426
01:31:39,710 --> 01:31:44,591
as the host of the hit reality TV show
Intercourse Island on the FOX Network.
1427
01:31:46,150 --> 01:31:47,583
Anyone seen Brick?
1428
01:31:47,618 --> 01:31:50,154
- Brick?
- Don't! That tickles!
1429
01:31:50,189 --> 01:31:52,655
No, that tickles me! Come on!
1430
01:31:52,690 --> 01:31:56,159
Brick Tamland is married
with 11 children
1431
01:31:56,194 --> 01:31:59,697
and is one of the top political advisors
to the Bush White House.
1432
01:31:59,732 --> 01:32:02,473
I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!
1433
01:32:13,177 --> 01:32:16,453
And Ron and Veronica didn't stay
in San Diego long.
1434
01:32:20,318 --> 01:32:22,318
I chose them as my replacement,
1435
01:32:22,353 --> 01:32:25,790
and they became the first
mixed-gender network news team,
1436
01:32:25,825 --> 01:32:29,025
and they're still doing it today.
1437
01:32:29,060 --> 01:32:31,295
From all of us here
at the World News Center,
1438
01:32:31,330 --> 01:32:33,231
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1439
01:32:33,266 --> 01:32:35,031
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1440
01:32:35,066 --> 01:32:38,012
You stay classy, planet Earth.
1441
01:32:55,953 --> 01:32:58,660
Oh! Great Odin's raven!
1442
01:32:59,624 --> 01:33:02,036
Oh! By the hammer of Thor!
1443
01:33:02,460 --> 01:33:05,304
Oh! Saint Damien's beard!
1444
01:33:05,896 --> 01:33:08,239
Sweet grandmother's spatula!
1445
01:33:09,400 --> 01:33:11,072
Hot pot of coffee!
1446
01:33:11,902 --> 01:33:14,473
Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!
1447
01:33:17,074 --> 01:33:20,344
I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun
when you're not looking.
1448
01:33:20,379 --> 01:33:22,179
In the back of the head.
1449
01:33:22,214 --> 01:33:23,658
I'm sorry.
1450
01:33:27,018 --> 01:33:28,419
You're not very bright.
You know that, right?
1451
01:33:28,454 --> 01:33:30,154
You're actually quite a dullard.
1452
01:33:30,189 --> 01:33:32,156
Everyone here knows it.
1453
01:33:33,024 --> 01:33:36,903
If I'm a dullard, you're the dull...
1454
01:33:38,362 --> 01:33:40,162
Can't think of anything to say, can you?
1455
01:33:40,197 --> 01:33:43,000
Yes, I can.
I can think of a lot of things to say.
1456
01:33:43,035 --> 01:33:45,241
Like, you're a dirty bitch.
1457
01:33:48,239 --> 01:33:52,778
Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison...
Oh, my God!
1458
01:33:57,114 --> 01:34:00,616
I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.
1459
01:34:00,651 --> 01:34:03,921
I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.
1460
01:34:03,956 --> 01:34:07,191
It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said.
1461
01:34:07,226 --> 01:34:08,993
My stomach's itchy.
1462
01:34:09,028 --> 01:34:10,726
I pooped a hammer.
1463
01:34:10,761 --> 01:34:12,765
I pooped a tape recorder.
1464
01:34:12,800 --> 01:34:14,770
I pooped a Cornish game hen.
1465
01:34:19,737 --> 01:34:20,772
Nope.
1466
01:34:22,440 --> 01:34:23,806
You do not take a tone with me,
1467
01:34:23,841 --> 01:34:27,244
'cause I will give you a rap
right on the Jack Johnson!
1468
01:34:27,279 --> 01:34:28,778
- Okay.
- Yes.
1469
01:34:28,813 --> 01:34:30,413
Now this is happening.
1470
01:34:30,448 --> 01:34:33,622
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1471
01:34:34,418 --> 01:34:36,022
What are you...
1472
01:34:40,658 --> 01:34:41,691
Action.
1473
01:34:41,726 --> 01:34:43,526
We'll go back to doing what I do best...
1474
01:34:43,561 --> 01:34:46,664
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1475
01:34:46,699 --> 01:34:50,301
- When do we get started?
- When do we get started?
1476
01:34:50,336 --> 01:34:52,269
- That's my line.
- When do we get started?
1477
01:34:52,304 --> 01:34:54,472
You say, 'Whenever you like. '
1478
01:34:54,507 --> 01:34:56,138
Whenever you like.
1479
01:34:56,173 --> 01:34:58,414
Keep it rolling. This is good stuff.
1480
01:34:59,510 --> 01:35:02,912
...an area bank in a daring...
1481
01:35:02,947 --> 01:35:06,417
Probably not the same one.
Probably not the same guy.
1482
01:35:13,324 --> 01:35:15,191
Brick, before I let you go,
1483
01:35:15,226 --> 01:35:17,661
are you still having your celebrity
golf tournament this summer?
1484
01:35:17,696 --> 01:35:19,697
No, too many people died last year.
1485
01:35:19,732 --> 01:35:22,099
So we're not gonna do...
1486
01:35:22,134 --> 01:35:23,839
Sorry. Sorry.
1487
01:35:25,136 --> 01:35:28,170
They named it San Diego.
1488
01:35:28,205 --> 01:35:31,948
Which in German means
a whale's vagina.
1489
01:35:38,749 --> 01:35:41,286
This is the most ridiculous thing ever.
1490
01:36:34,738 --> 01:36:36,807
Way to handle him. That was nice.
1491
01:36:36,842 --> 01:36:38,841
It sure is good to be number one.
1492
01:36:38,876 --> 01:36:41,720
It sure beats the hell out of number two.
1493
01:36:42,947 --> 01:36:45,314
We are laughing!
1494
01:36:45,349 --> 01:36:47,716
And we are very good friends.
1495
01:36:47,751 --> 01:36:50,619
Good buddies
sharing a special moment.
1496
01:36:50,654 --> 01:36:53,591
Don't say anything, Ron.
Just let it happen.
1497
01:36:53,626 --> 01:36:56,625
We're laughing, enjoying our friendship.
1498
01:36:56,660 --> 01:37:00,164
And someday we'll look back on this
with much fondness.
1499
01:37:01,232 --> 01:37:08,881
Yeah.