1 00:00:19,366 --> 00:00:22,392 We open up against Michigan in two weeks. 2 00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:27,007 Coach's got me hitting the bench pretty hard. 3 00:00:31,445 --> 00:00:34,573 Shit. How much is a lot? 4 00:00:36,316 --> 00:00:38,409 One... No, two. 5 00:00:42,989 --> 00:00:45,856 I'm putting up three hundy. 6 00:00:55,102 --> 00:00:57,195 Well, let's see, Tasty. 7 00:01:02,542 --> 00:01:03,634 Wow! 8 00:01:05,045 --> 00:01:06,307 Um... 9 00:01:08,115 --> 00:01:11,084 Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen... 10 00:01:11,451 --> 00:01:12,645 No, stop it, stop it. 11 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:16,485 Don't be so fucking desperate. Come on, be a dick. Be cool. 12 00:01:18,425 --> 00:01:21,155 Don't be a pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank. 13 00:01:24,231 --> 00:01:25,789 Yeah. 14 00:01:25,866 --> 00:01:27,094 Not bad. 15 00:01:28,535 --> 00:01:29,695 I've seen better. 16 00:01:35,108 --> 00:01:36,666 Yeah, whatever. 17 00:01:37,778 --> 00:01:42,340 Coach's got us running two-a-days, so I gotta bounce. 18 00:02:05,605 --> 00:02:09,268 Miss Tasty? How did you get here? 19 00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,609 Shh! 20 00:03:31,224 --> 00:03:33,658 Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20, 21 00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:35,786 so if you want a ride to work you better get your poop in a group. 22 00:03:35,862 --> 00:03:38,990 - Okay, I'll be right down. - No. Now, Clay Aiken. 23 00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:41,422 Hey... 24 00:03:41,501 --> 00:03:44,129 - Ow! Cut it out. - Hurts, doesn't it? 25 00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:46,331 Shut up! I'm trying to sleep. 26 00:03:46,406 --> 00:03:49,671 Hey, sorry, Big D. Just go back to sleep. 27 00:03:49,743 --> 00:03:52,143 - You, get up. - Give me a minute. 28 00:03:52,212 --> 00:03:53,406 What are you hiding? 29 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,505 You got a big fattie under there, don't you? 30 00:03:55,582 --> 00:03:59,814 Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too. Oh! What the F? 31 00:04:00,987 --> 00:04:02,420 Good. My boys are all here. 32 00:04:02,489 --> 00:04:04,457 - Dad, Ian's free... - Can it, Rex. 33 00:04:04,524 --> 00:04:07,960 Your pop's got a bombshell to drop, so ears open. 34 00:04:08,028 --> 00:04:10,997 Last night, your old man popped the question. 35 00:04:12,198 --> 00:04:13,859 Show them, Karen. 36 00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:18,231 I'm so happy. 37 00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,075 Hey, way to go! 38 00:04:23,143 --> 00:04:26,544 Ian, you wanna get off your duff and come over here and give Karen a hug? 39 00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:27,637 Um... 40 00:04:27,714 --> 00:04:31,343 - Yeah, Ian, get up. You're being rude. - Can we do that later? 41 00:04:31,418 --> 00:04:34,717 - Damn it, Ian, get up... - No, no, honey. It's okay. 42 00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:39,855 We have to give him time to get used to the idea. 43 00:04:42,228 --> 00:04:43,217 Karen? - Are you okay? 44 00:04:43,296 --> 00:04:45,264 Karen? Karen, honey? - You okay? 45 00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:46,924 Sweetheart? 46 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,865 What smells like jizz? 47 00:04:54,174 --> 00:04:56,836 Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo! 48 00:05:06,853 --> 00:05:10,152 Come on, get in. Get in! 49 00:05:18,465 --> 00:05:19,762 You suck! 50 00:05:21,768 --> 00:05:24,931 Okay, seriously. Quit being such a fag and get in. 51 00:05:29,142 --> 00:05:32,043 Never go down So let's get it up 52 00:05:36,216 --> 00:05:39,674 Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want a straight answer. 53 00:05:40,587 --> 00:05:42,452 - You queer? - What? 54 00:05:42,522 --> 00:05:44,990 - God damn it! I knew it! - I didn't say anything. 55 00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:47,356 Exactly. If someone asks you if you're a pole smoker, 56 00:05:47,427 --> 00:05:50,863 you just deny it, straight off. No pause, no farting around. 57 00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:52,022 Rex, I'm not gay. 58 00:05:52,098 --> 00:05:55,226 Ian, you're 18, and you've never had a girlfriend. 59 00:05:55,301 --> 00:05:57,997 That's how people wind up getting gay, you know. 60 00:05:58,071 --> 00:06:00,039 I don't think that's really how it happens. 61 00:06:00,106 --> 00:06:02,506 Is that not how it happens? So tell me how it happens, expert. 62 00:06:02,575 --> 00:06:05,009 Fucking cock expert. Cockspert. 63 00:06:05,078 --> 00:06:07,069 Hey, what do you like better, the shaft or the balls? 64 00:06:07,147 --> 00:06:09,206 That's gross. I don't know why you're talking about it. 65 00:06:09,282 --> 00:06:11,546 Look, every guy's got a fantasy about another guy, 66 00:06:11,618 --> 00:06:15,349 but you got to bury that shit way down. This is America, God damn it. 67 00:06:15,422 --> 00:06:19,415 There is... There is a girl that I've been kind of... 68 00:06:19,492 --> 00:06:22,393 All right, I'm listening. Where'd you meet her? 69 00:06:22,462 --> 00:06:24,020 On the... Online. 70 00:06:25,732 --> 00:06:29,190 What? For fuck's sake, Ian, don't you watch Dateline? 71 00:06:29,302 --> 00:06:33,671 She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe. 72 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:37,301 But you'd love that, wouldn't you? 'Cause you're a homo. 73 00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:50,682 Try not to come home any gayer than you are now. 74 00:06:58,331 --> 00:07:02,358 Hey 75 00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:06,561 What's your favorite song? 76 00:07:06,639 --> 00:07:09,472 Maybe we could hum along 77 00:07:10,677 --> 00:07:17,048 Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing 78 00:07:18,184 --> 00:07:22,951 Tell me your name, I'm dying here 79 00:07:28,561 --> 00:07:32,019 Got you where I want you 80 00:07:33,199 --> 00:07:34,689 Yeah 81 00:07:42,809 --> 00:07:49,214 - Hey, Becca. How are you? - I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever. 82 00:07:49,315 --> 00:07:53,445 Hey, Becca. Looks like you had a long, nasty night. 83 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:57,354 - Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno. - Whatever. You guys are gross. 84 00:07:57,423 --> 00:08:01,985 - I'm not gross. I didn't say anything. - Okay, who's going on coupon rounds? 85 00:08:04,564 --> 00:08:07,863 - No, Becca, I did it yesterday. - Please, Ian. 86 00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:11,865 I love you so much. 87 00:08:14,374 --> 00:08:17,639 Hello. This is a coupon for six free... No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No. 88 00:08:18,711 --> 00:08:20,338 - Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen. - Thanks. 89 00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:22,005 You're welcome. Sorry. 90 00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:25,907 Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is? 91 00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:30,046 - It's just past the movie theater. - Thanks, man. 92 00:08:34,494 --> 00:08:35,961 Yeah, real funny. 93 00:08:39,866 --> 00:08:41,891 Free donuts, free coupons. 94 00:08:42,135 --> 00:08:44,467 Felicia. How's it fitting, hon? 95 00:08:56,549 --> 00:09:00,007 Well, you look nice. 96 00:09:00,753 --> 00:09:02,914 You know, sweetie, there's still time to have your boobs done 97 00:09:02,989 --> 00:09:04,149 before my wedding. 98 00:09:04,224 --> 00:09:06,692 Darren and I already discussed them, and he said he'd pay for it. 99 00:09:06,759 --> 00:09:09,922 I mean, he's a dentist, so it's totally not a big deal. 100 00:09:11,297 --> 00:09:13,390 Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors? 101 00:09:13,466 --> 00:09:15,525 Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie? 102 00:09:15,602 --> 00:09:19,094 Oh, no. I was just hoping you could slit my wrists for me quickly. 103 00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:21,970 My husband killed himself last Christmas. 104 00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:27,305 I am so sorry. I was just... 105 00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:32,176 Hello. This is a coupon for six free donuts. Donuts? 106 00:09:33,453 --> 00:09:38,857 Oh, my God! You look so hot in that. 107 00:09:39,325 --> 00:09:42,260 Hey, sweetheart, listen. Please don't take this the wrong way, 108 00:09:42,328 --> 00:09:44,262 but your whole trying too hard thing, 109 00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,992 it's just coming across as needy, you know? 110 00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:49,398 And I think you're better than that, Kimberly. 111 00:09:49,469 --> 00:09:54,372 - But all I was saying was that... - Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay? 112 00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,531 I mean, Christ, I'm out buying him clothes right now. 113 00:09:56,609 --> 00:10:00,477 He's 18 years old. I don't have to do that shit anymore. 114 00:10:00,546 --> 00:10:05,074 Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel. 115 00:10:06,686 --> 00:10:10,417 Well, it's official, Lance, your mom's still bat-shit crazy. 116 00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:12,788 What? You're telling me she doesn't shit-talk me? 117 00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:15,760 No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever. 118 00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:18,661 All right. Let me give you some advice, Lance, all right? 119 00:10:18,731 --> 00:10:21,723 Don't ever get married. Just an endless parade of horseshit. 120 00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:25,498 And whatever you do, man, always wear a rubber. Christ. 121 00:10:25,571 --> 00:10:28,404 Nice. Always classy. 122 00:10:28,474 --> 00:10:32,240 Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like... Come on, dawg. 123 00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:39,783 Hey, sir. I've got something yummy for your little girl. 124 00:10:42,355 --> 00:10:46,314 Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry! 125 00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:55,691 - Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened? - I don't know. 126 00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:58,168 Is there a cock and balls on the front of me again? 127 00:10:58,237 --> 00:11:00,728 - Like a little tree trunk. - Thank you. 128 00:11:01,874 --> 00:11:03,739 Oh, my God. 129 00:11:06,713 --> 00:11:10,672 - Whoa. You look pretty. - God, shut up, Ian! 130 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:14,652 What? I'm just saying, you usually dress so... You look nice. 131 00:11:14,721 --> 00:11:17,053 Ian, why do you got to work the mouth when you talk to us? 132 00:11:17,123 --> 00:11:20,615 - Yeah, Ian. - Sorry, it's a... It's a habit. 133 00:11:20,693 --> 00:11:23,719 Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, you gonna bring her to my party tonight? 134 00:11:23,796 --> 00:11:28,495 - Yeah, I asked her. She said no. - Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you. 135 00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:31,036 That's what you say about everyone. 136 00:11:31,104 --> 00:11:33,095 She made you wear the fucking costume again, right? 137 00:11:33,172 --> 00:11:35,606 - You know, I don't mind... - Dude, if you told her to fuck off, 138 00:11:35,675 --> 00:11:39,008 she'd be two knuckles deep right now daydreaming about your big black cock. 139 00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:40,272 Ian, do not listen to him. 140 00:11:40,346 --> 00:11:43,042 Okay, girls want a nice guy who's gonna treat them well. 141 00:11:43,116 --> 00:11:44,743 - Really? - Yes. Really. 142 00:11:44,817 --> 00:11:47,047 Look, all I'm saying is everybody wants a challenge. 143 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,520 - Everybody wants... - What they can't get. I know, I got it. 144 00:11:49,589 --> 00:11:53,525 - That shit does not work. - It works on you. 145 00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:55,356 No, it doesn't. 146 00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:01,433 Felicia! 147 00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:05,467 Balls! I got to go. Evil cousin's spending the weekend. 148 00:12:05,538 --> 00:12:08,405 - Pretty cousin? - Ian, she's the anti-Christ. 149 00:12:08,474 --> 00:12:11,602 - She's still super hot. - Fuck you, too. See you. 150 00:12:12,645 --> 00:12:13,737 So what happened with Becca? 151 00:12:13,813 --> 00:12:15,405 You been doing like I told you, being a dick? 152 00:12:15,481 --> 00:12:19,941 Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick. I'd say... No, not really. 153 00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:22,855 I mean, you know, I've sort of been practicing 154 00:12:22,922 --> 00:12:26,119 your whole being-a-dick thing with this girl I met online. 155 00:12:26,192 --> 00:12:28,160 - And I get it, but I just... - Thanks. 156 00:12:28,227 --> 00:12:30,058 I don't think I could do that for real. 157 00:12:30,129 --> 00:12:32,222 Dude, sure you can. I believe in you, you know. 158 00:12:32,298 --> 00:12:36,064 You just got to stop worrying about being the good guy all the time. 159 00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:38,228 I mean, okay, look at Andy and Randy over there. 160 00:12:38,304 --> 00:12:40,169 You think they care what women think about them? 161 00:12:40,273 --> 00:12:42,173 They could give a fuck. 162 00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:45,505 - What's up? What's up? - What's up, what's up? 163 00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:48,945 Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador. 164 00:12:49,015 --> 00:12:51,381 - Would you like to help? - You wanna party? 165 00:12:51,451 --> 00:12:53,749 Um... I'm kind of working right now. 166 00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:56,152 - When are you done? - Yeah, what are you doing after? 167 00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:57,780 I have a church thing tonight. 168 00:12:57,857 --> 00:12:59,791 - Kick ass, we'll come. - Yeah, where is it? 169 00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:01,884 Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there? 170 00:13:01,961 --> 00:13:04,953 Those guys are total nards. They never get anywhere. 171 00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:06,965 That's just 'cause they don't know how to close. 172 00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,660 But they're ability to open is fucking heroic. 173 00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:11,561 - Do you wear thong underpants? - Do you want us to take our shirts off? 174 00:13:11,637 --> 00:13:13,366 - Where do you live? - Is your mom hot, too? 175 00:13:13,439 --> 00:13:15,100 - Where do you live? - What's your address? 176 00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,869 - Do you want us to come over? - Do you like pizza? 177 00:13:16,943 --> 00:13:18,843 We've been to a motel. 178 00:13:22,515 --> 00:13:26,383 - Fuck off, donut. - Rex, it's me. 179 00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,554 What the fuck is this all about? 180 00:13:29,622 --> 00:13:33,524 I broke the key off of our locker. I couldn't get my clothes out. 181 00:13:33,593 --> 00:13:37,495 Stow that shit in the trunk. Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole. 182 00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:44,032 You suck. 183 00:13:47,573 --> 00:13:49,438 Becca? Hey. 184 00:13:49,909 --> 00:13:52,878 Wow, I didn't know that you were coming over. 185 00:13:53,746 --> 00:13:58,911 Cool. I didn't even know that you knew where I lived. I mean... 186 00:13:58,985 --> 00:14:01,647 - Yeah, I do. - Yeah. 187 00:14:01,721 --> 00:14:05,157 - So... - Oh! It's a funny story. I broke... 188 00:14:05,224 --> 00:14:09,024 I broke my key off and Ron let me borrow the... 189 00:14:09,095 --> 00:14:12,826 Anyway, so this is great. You changed your mind. 190 00:14:12,899 --> 00:14:14,127 Now, the party, it doesn't start 191 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,034 - for a few hours. - Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here. 192 00:14:20,373 --> 00:14:22,841 - Dylan? - Yeah. Is he here? 193 00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:25,309 - My 14-year-old brother Dylan? - Yeah. 194 00:14:25,378 --> 00:14:30,338 - Nice underpants, Ian. - Snap! Dang, that was funny. 195 00:14:30,416 --> 00:14:32,407 You know he's 14, right? 196 00:14:52,138 --> 00:14:56,404 Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here. Get off your wallflower ass. 197 00:14:56,475 --> 00:14:59,444 - Are you smoking cigars now? - Yes. 198 00:14:59,512 --> 00:15:02,777 - Hey, Lance. Tight party. - Okay, rude. 199 00:15:02,848 --> 00:15:04,679 You can see I'm having a conversation here. 200 00:15:04,750 --> 00:15:07,685 Now, I'll be with you in a few minutes, okay? 201 00:15:07,753 --> 00:15:09,084 - Thank you. - We're sorry. 202 00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:11,123 - Don't apologize to her. - I'm sorry. 203 00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:12,680 Don't apologize to me. 204 00:15:17,697 --> 00:15:19,221 Hey, I'm gonna go see who Felicia's talking to. 205 00:15:19,298 --> 00:15:21,528 No, dude, forget Felicia, okay? 206 00:15:21,601 --> 00:15:23,626 I know you guys are BFF and all that shit, 207 00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:26,069 but tonight's about getting that dick a little daylight. 208 00:15:26,138 --> 00:15:28,163 Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart, where you going? 209 00:15:28,241 --> 00:15:30,709 Come here, we're not done. Get in here. 210 00:15:30,776 --> 00:15:34,610 - You know my boy Ian? - Yeah. No. I don't know. 211 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:38,878 - You used to be on my paper route. - Okay, sure. My mom likes you. 212 00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:41,977 You know what else about our boy Ian here? 213 00:15:42,488 --> 00:15:44,615 Ian is a bust-ass virgin. 214 00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,888 - I'm so sorry. - He's fresh meat. 215 00:15:51,631 --> 00:15:54,862 Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked. I got into the University of Wisconsin, 216 00:15:54,934 --> 00:15:57,164 and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine, 'cause that's where... 217 00:15:57,236 --> 00:15:59,670 - Are you gonna go to college? - University of Boulder. 218 00:15:59,739 --> 00:16:01,434 It's a great party school. 219 00:16:01,507 --> 00:16:06,877 Oh, you know, I read that they have a really great astronomy program. 220 00:16:06,946 --> 00:16:08,880 I don't know if that's what you're going there for or... 221 00:16:08,948 --> 00:16:14,614 Because it's really high elevation, and you can see the stars really well... 222 00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:18,752 Planets. 223 00:16:19,358 --> 00:16:22,850 Wow! A little tip action there. That's really suggestive. 224 00:16:22,928 --> 00:16:26,159 I'm not saying that you're gonna do that on my, well... 225 00:16:26,232 --> 00:16:29,099 There, what, you're gonna... Two in there. 226 00:16:30,303 --> 00:16:31,327 - Wow, you're really... - Ian! Dude! 227 00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:35,440 I'm... Could you excuse me for a second? 228 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:40,209 - Hey! - Hey! What up? 229 00:16:40,279 --> 00:16:44,045 - What are you doing in there, man? - What're you doing out here, man? 230 00:16:44,116 --> 00:16:46,949 - I asked you first. - Uh... Nothing. 231 00:16:47,019 --> 00:16:50,785 No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt, so then I had to... 232 00:16:50,856 --> 00:16:55,793 - I thought you had, like, a girl in there. - Yeah, right. I wish. 233 00:16:55,861 --> 00:16:59,388 So, okay. So, are your parents, like, still going 234 00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:01,524 to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend? 235 00:17:01,634 --> 00:17:03,261 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all take off in the morning. 236 00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:04,598 Okay. Awesome. 237 00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:09,664 'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts, so, I don't know, 238 00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:12,905 you think, like, maybe I could hang at your place this weekend? 239 00:17:13,012 --> 00:17:15,674 Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something. It'll be fun. 240 00:17:15,748 --> 00:17:22,051 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. Hey, I have a secret. 241 00:17:23,456 --> 00:17:27,916 - Look at you acting like such a girl. - I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is. 242 00:17:29,762 --> 00:17:34,199 I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy. 243 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,394 Yeah? Well, who is it? 244 00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:40,268 Come on, you know me better than anyone. I bet you know who it is. 245 00:17:40,339 --> 00:17:41,897 Come on, guess. 246 00:17:43,809 --> 00:17:44,935 Um... 247 00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:47,303 I think I know. 248 00:17:55,588 --> 00:18:01,390 I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you. You're so easy. You're so easy! 249 00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:08,492 - You're my best friend. - I know, and you're my best friend. 250 00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:12,526 That's why it's funny that we would kiss, because we wouldn't. 251 00:18:14,707 --> 00:18:18,768 So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero? 252 00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:21,539 Um... Nobody. 253 00:18:21,614 --> 00:18:25,448 - Nobody? - I... I was kidding, too. 254 00:18:26,419 --> 00:18:28,512 - That is funny. - It's hilarious. 255 00:18:28,587 --> 00:18:30,953 - That is so funny. - That is so funny. 256 00:18:31,724 --> 00:18:33,487 Oh! I... 257 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:34,548 - Oh, you got... - Yeah. 258 00:18:34,627 --> 00:18:37,152 - All right. So... - Hey! 259 00:18:37,229 --> 00:18:38,594 Okay. 260 00:18:44,503 --> 00:18:45,663 Harsh. 261 00:18:56,582 --> 00:18:59,779 - Hey, babe, you wanna party? - I'm at a party. 262 00:18:59,852 --> 00:19:01,979 Do you wanna make out with us? 263 00:19:02,054 --> 00:19:03,112 Why don't you take a picture, Ian? 264 00:19:03,189 --> 00:19:05,919 Yeah, and post it on Totalfuckingawesomeness. com. 265 00:19:05,991 --> 00:19:08,016 Backslash-we-rule! 266 00:19:08,093 --> 00:19:09,253 Where'd you come up with that? 267 00:19:09,328 --> 00:19:14,425 - Hey, can I ask you guys a question? - You just did. 268 00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:17,292 - Can I ask you another question? - You just did again. 269 00:19:17,369 --> 00:19:20,532 - What's up? What's up? - What's up, what's up? 270 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,137 - Dude, where you going? - Dude, come on. Be a buddy. 271 00:19:25,211 --> 00:19:30,308 - I'm... All right, all right. - You got to get over the monkey. 272 00:19:30,382 --> 00:19:34,546 Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see? 273 00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:38,249 - 'Cause we're the shit. - Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch. 274 00:19:38,357 --> 00:19:41,758 - So where's Felicia? - Fel-ate-cha. Yeah. 275 00:19:42,728 --> 00:19:46,095 - She's in... - Fe-lay-cha! You banging her? 276 00:19:46,932 --> 00:19:48,524 We're just friends. 277 00:19:48,601 --> 00:19:51,092 - I'm uncircumcised. - Fuck off! 278 00:19:51,170 --> 00:19:52,967 Wait, I thought you took her to prom. 279 00:19:53,038 --> 00:19:56,007 Yeah, but it was a just-friends kind of thing. 280 00:20:00,346 --> 00:20:02,507 You should bang her. We would. 281 00:20:02,648 --> 00:20:04,240 Dude, we would bang her so hard. 282 00:20:04,316 --> 00:20:06,477 Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it. 283 00:20:06,552 --> 00:20:07,917 Yeah. Hard. 284 00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:10,250 - With our dicks! - Yeah, our dicks are huge. 285 00:20:10,322 --> 00:20:11,311 You could see them from space! 286 00:20:12,491 --> 00:20:14,118 - What's up? - What's up? 287 00:20:20,366 --> 00:20:22,163 I'll call you from nationals. 288 00:20:25,504 --> 00:20:28,029 - Say it. - You're my little donut girl. 289 00:20:32,211 --> 00:20:35,874 - Bye, sexy. - Yo, Ian. 290 00:20:37,016 --> 00:20:40,850 - You want to smell my finger? - Yeah, okay. 291 00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:47,621 Are you sure you got the right hole? 292 00:20:59,471 --> 00:21:00,733 Awesome. 293 00:21:06,345 --> 00:21:08,779 Hmm... '69. 294 00:21:16,255 --> 00:21:17,347 Whoa. 295 00:21:26,131 --> 00:21:28,099 Don't puss out. Be cool. 296 00:21:30,869 --> 00:21:33,303 I don't know. 297 00:21:33,639 --> 00:21:39,544 That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit! 298 00:21:41,747 --> 00:21:44,716 Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this. 299 00:21:56,762 --> 00:21:58,229 Holy buckets. 300 00:22:00,432 --> 00:22:02,764 She wants me to give her the D. 301 00:22:03,902 --> 00:22:04,926 Well, honey 302 00:22:05,004 --> 00:22:05,993 What ya got, Mr. Mans? 303 00:22:06,071 --> 00:22:07,504 I got a lot of money 304 00:22:07,573 --> 00:22:09,507 I don't see no keys in my hands 305 00:22:09,575 --> 00:22:12,442 I just wanna nasty girl 306 00:22:13,846 --> 00:22:16,212 Now tell me, is that nasty girl you? 307 00:22:16,281 --> 00:22:17,475 Do you like what you see? 308 00:22:17,549 --> 00:22:24,113 Could you be my nasty girl and let me do that dirty dance with you? 309 00:22:24,189 --> 00:22:26,282 I can love you long time 310 00:22:40,072 --> 00:22:43,371 I like 'em all in shapes and sizes 311 00:22:44,009 --> 00:22:46,637 And it don't make no difference to me 312 00:22:47,546 --> 00:22:52,006 If you're short, tall, big or small Long if there ain't no big surprises 313 00:22:52,084 --> 00:22:54,314 Chances are you'll suit me to a T 314 00:22:58,223 --> 00:23:00,691 Dad, what did you do with my helmet? 315 00:23:20,245 --> 00:23:27,174 Ian, honey, I made you some tollhouse cookies. 316 00:23:28,053 --> 00:23:30,487 I'll just leave these here for you. 317 00:23:31,724 --> 00:23:33,089 I'll get them later. 318 00:23:33,959 --> 00:23:36,393 There's $40 in the cow for fun money, 319 00:23:37,396 --> 00:23:40,797 so be safe and sorry I didn't knock. 320 00:23:42,267 --> 00:23:46,135 Anytime. It's your home now. 321 00:23:47,272 --> 00:23:48,796 Oh, dear. 322 00:23:52,544 --> 00:23:54,171 - Dude. - Hey. 323 00:23:54,246 --> 00:23:56,942 What is going on with you? You bought rubbers? 324 00:23:58,016 --> 00:24:00,484 - How did you know that? - It's on Russ Miller's blog. 325 00:24:04,590 --> 00:24:06,717 Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago. 326 00:24:06,792 --> 00:24:09,454 What's the deal? Dude. 327 00:24:09,728 --> 00:24:12,697 She wants me to meet her tonight at the Big Boy in Knoxville. 328 00:24:12,765 --> 00:24:15,063 Seriously, dude, pack your shit. We're going to Knoxville. 329 00:24:15,134 --> 00:24:17,193 No. Stop it. Put these back. 330 00:24:17,302 --> 00:24:19,065 This is the type of girl who has... 331 00:24:19,138 --> 00:24:21,766 She has it shaved into a landing strip. 332 00:24:22,174 --> 00:24:23,573 I can't deal with a landing strip. 333 00:24:23,642 --> 00:24:26,304 Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean, she could have anything under there. 334 00:24:26,378 --> 00:24:30,940 There could be a little Hitler or just a full, nasty Chewbacca. 335 00:24:31,049 --> 00:24:34,917 You know, she doesn't even want me. She wants him. 336 00:24:36,088 --> 00:24:39,854 I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine. 337 00:24:39,925 --> 00:24:42,018 I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes. 338 00:24:42,294 --> 00:24:44,819 Tasty's probably a guy, anyway. 339 00:24:44,897 --> 00:24:47,593 Maybe. But what if she's not? 340 00:24:47,866 --> 00:24:51,358 You know, I mean, look, you've already opened, and I could help you close. 341 00:24:52,104 --> 00:24:53,503 We just need one thing. 342 00:24:59,011 --> 00:25:03,641 Ian, just look at this. I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO, 343 00:25:03,715 --> 00:25:06,343 she's gonna drop an egg right there in the Big Boy parking lot. 344 00:25:06,418 --> 00:25:08,386 Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this. 345 00:25:09,454 --> 00:25:12,548 Here. Strap that end down. Tight. 346 00:25:13,158 --> 00:25:16,355 - The cord's too short. - Put a little sack into it, powder puff. 347 00:25:20,265 --> 00:25:22,665 - All right. Thanks, little brother. - Yeah. 348 00:25:23,068 --> 00:25:24,399 - Hey, Ian. - Yeah. 349 00:25:25,170 --> 00:25:27,297 Did I hear something about you wanting to borrow my car? 350 00:25:27,372 --> 00:25:29,863 No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you. 351 00:25:31,076 --> 00:25:32,338 You sure? 352 00:25:33,712 --> 00:25:36,772 You're my little brother, Ian. All you gotta do is ask. 353 00:25:39,218 --> 00:25:40,310 Okay. 354 00:25:41,453 --> 00:25:43,944 Could I use The Judge this weekend? 355 00:25:44,623 --> 00:25:45,681 Ow! 356 00:25:48,894 --> 00:25:52,887 Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts. 357 00:25:57,169 --> 00:25:59,399 - Let's go, Dad. - What a dick. 358 00:25:59,471 --> 00:26:01,302 You should take his car just on principle. 359 00:26:01,707 --> 00:26:03,641 What do you want me to do, you know? 360 00:26:03,709 --> 00:26:06,337 I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it, since I don't even know what that means. 361 00:26:06,411 --> 00:26:07,878 What are you doing? 362 00:26:11,717 --> 00:26:14,743 No. Lance, no! Put it back. Did you just hear him? Please. 363 00:26:14,820 --> 00:26:16,981 Come here, we're gonna have a talk. 364 00:26:17,322 --> 00:26:18,983 She's only nine short hours away. 365 00:26:19,057 --> 00:26:21,457 We're gonna head down there tonight and you're gonna pound on that va-J. 366 00:26:21,526 --> 00:26:24,256 Who's gonna pound on it? Say it. Ian's gonna pound on it. 367 00:26:24,329 --> 00:26:26,991 We're back tomorrow before Rex even knows the car is gone. 368 00:26:27,065 --> 00:26:29,659 Now, listen, these girls at Madison are gonna be fucking at a college level. 369 00:26:30,903 --> 00:26:32,564 I need you ready for that. 370 00:26:32,638 --> 00:26:34,629 Wait! Put it... Put it back. 371 00:26:35,407 --> 00:26:36,499 Back here. 372 00:26:50,756 --> 00:26:54,283 For God's sake. You two rump rangers couldn't wait five minutes? 373 00:27:05,804 --> 00:27:06,930 Shit. 374 00:27:23,488 --> 00:27:25,046 - Shit! - Fuck! 375 00:27:25,123 --> 00:27:27,648 I told her she could stay here this weekend. 376 00:27:28,994 --> 00:27:31,554 What the hell? Why are you driving Rex's car? 377 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:33,230 I thought me and... 378 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:37,962 - Are you bitching out on me? - No. 379 00:27:38,036 --> 00:27:39,230 - No. - No. 380 00:27:39,304 --> 00:27:42,034 Good. Well, then where are we going? 381 00:27:42,341 --> 00:27:45,174 Um... Knoxville, Tennessee. 382 00:27:46,745 --> 00:27:48,178 Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom. 383 00:27:48,246 --> 00:27:52,080 Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome. 384 00:27:52,284 --> 00:27:53,774 Dude, what the fuck? 385 00:27:53,852 --> 00:27:55,683 - I don't want her along. - Really? 386 00:27:55,754 --> 00:27:57,915 You don't want to bring Yoko on your sex trip? 387 00:27:57,990 --> 00:28:00,322 Yeah, no shit. She's always cock-blocking you. 388 00:28:00,392 --> 00:28:02,952 No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a... 389 00:28:03,028 --> 00:28:05,223 Okay, twat blocking. 390 00:28:05,297 --> 00:28:06,389 Professor. 391 00:28:06,465 --> 00:28:07,454 When will you be coming back? 392 00:28:07,532 --> 00:28:08,897 No, tomorrow. 393 00:28:08,967 --> 00:28:12,027 - When? - No. Bye! God. 394 00:28:12,104 --> 00:28:14,436 You guys drive safe now. Bye! 395 00:28:15,007 --> 00:28:16,702 So, what's in Tennessee? 396 00:28:17,376 --> 00:28:20,140 My grandma has got some cancer. 397 00:28:20,946 --> 00:28:22,777 - Grammy K? - She's fine. 398 00:28:23,081 --> 00:28:26,141 She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time. 399 00:28:27,419 --> 00:28:29,250 It's, you know... I mean, what is it called? 400 00:28:29,321 --> 00:28:31,380 - It's foot cancer. - She's got a little foot cancer. 401 00:28:31,456 --> 00:28:33,651 She'll be hopping around in no time. 402 00:28:34,493 --> 00:28:36,552 So what's she doing in Tennessee? 403 00:28:37,162 --> 00:28:41,258 Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass cancer center there. 404 00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:45,133 - Yeah. - Yeah, it's like... It's famous. 405 00:28:45,370 --> 00:28:47,565 - Yeah. - So if you ever get any cancer, 406 00:28:48,073 --> 00:28:52,305 you should totally check it out. 407 00:28:53,712 --> 00:28:54,838 I would. 408 00:28:57,849 --> 00:29:02,149 So you want I-80 East and then 65 goes all the way through Indiana. 409 00:29:03,221 --> 00:29:05,121 - So how's it feel? - What? 410 00:29:05,690 --> 00:29:09,592 I don't know, breaking the rules, talking some shit, driving The Judge? 411 00:29:10,829 --> 00:29:12,023 It feels pretty good. 412 00:29:12,097 --> 00:29:14,088 I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw 413 00:29:14,166 --> 00:29:16,293 I'm in the prime of my life 414 00:29:21,306 --> 00:29:26,005 Let's make some music, make some money Find some models for wives 415 00:29:30,582 --> 00:29:34,848 This is our decision To live fast and die young 416 00:29:35,620 --> 00:29:40,489 We've got the vision Now let's have some fun 417 00:29:42,961 --> 00:29:45,293 I said, yeah, yeah, yeah 418 00:29:49,534 --> 00:29:51,161 This dude wants to race. 419 00:29:52,871 --> 00:29:54,202 Let's go, ladies. 420 00:29:54,272 --> 00:29:56,968 Lance! Cut it out! Come on, you don't know who's in there. 421 00:29:57,042 --> 00:30:01,172 Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car. 422 00:30:01,246 --> 00:30:04,238 I refuse to be embarrassed by a car that looks like a Trapper Keeper. 423 00:30:04,316 --> 00:30:06,443 I am not racing in my brother's car. 424 00:30:07,452 --> 00:30:09,511 Holy shit. 425 00:30:10,555 --> 00:30:12,216 What the hell is that? 426 00:30:12,557 --> 00:30:13,683 Whoa! 427 00:30:14,459 --> 00:30:16,518 Looks like a Nachos BellGrande. 428 00:30:16,595 --> 00:30:18,062 And a chalupa! 429 00:30:18,363 --> 00:30:19,728 Medium Coke! 430 00:30:21,099 --> 00:30:22,123 Go right! 431 00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,393 Turn the wipers on! - They are on. 432 00:30:24,603 --> 00:30:26,093 They're not working! 433 00:30:26,304 --> 00:30:29,137 Please, don't yell at me. I'm doing the best I can. 434 00:30:30,108 --> 00:30:31,541 - Winnebago! - Where? 435 00:30:31,610 --> 00:30:32,702 Winnebago! Winnebago! 436 00:30:40,986 --> 00:30:42,283 Oh, my God, are you all right? 437 00:30:48,026 --> 00:30:51,086 Yeah, nobody offer to help. I got this under control. 438 00:30:58,803 --> 00:31:02,967 - Are you all right? - Do I look like I'm all right? Fuck! 439 00:31:05,277 --> 00:31:10,146 You know what might make you feel better? Putting 40 on pump two. 440 00:31:25,230 --> 00:31:26,219 Hey. 441 00:31:30,302 --> 00:31:34,295 - Another one for the collection. - Aw! Cool. Thanks. 442 00:31:37,042 --> 00:31:38,134 What? 443 00:31:43,648 --> 00:31:46,845 It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry. 444 00:31:46,918 --> 00:31:48,613 Lance, what are you doing? 445 00:31:48,687 --> 00:31:50,621 Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, 446 00:31:50,689 --> 00:31:54,625 because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion. 447 00:31:55,227 --> 00:31:56,626 And my dick. 448 00:32:04,002 --> 00:32:05,526 What have you got? 449 00:32:05,904 --> 00:32:08,338 Hey, kid, where you from? 450 00:32:09,774 --> 00:32:14,541 - I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago. - Are you two married. No? 451 00:32:15,981 --> 00:32:21,817 - No, we're just friends. We're amigos. - Oh! You make a good couple. 452 00:32:22,387 --> 00:32:25,754 She's pretty. Marry that girl. 453 00:32:25,824 --> 00:32:28,657 You kids want to help yourself to a can of Purple? 454 00:32:29,427 --> 00:32:33,386 - Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple? - Yeah, I can go... 455 00:32:36,301 --> 00:32:39,464 - You ever had a peppermint fatty? - No. Let's have that. 456 00:32:39,938 --> 00:32:41,838 See how that shoe fits. 457 00:32:45,343 --> 00:32:47,334 That is curiously strong. 458 00:32:48,647 --> 00:32:51,275 I feel like my dick just got bar mitzvahed. 459 00:32:51,349 --> 00:32:53,817 It actually says Purple Soda. 460 00:32:58,623 --> 00:33:00,591 Bad boy. 461 00:33:05,297 --> 00:33:06,992 You like him, don't you? 462 00:33:10,435 --> 00:33:14,804 - What? Who? - Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right? 463 00:33:14,939 --> 00:33:19,740 Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot. 464 00:33:19,811 --> 00:33:23,679 I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever. 465 00:33:27,452 --> 00:33:30,421 Brandy! - Uh-oh! 466 00:33:30,488 --> 00:33:33,514 Brandy! Shit. 467 00:33:36,494 --> 00:33:38,428 - Howdy. - Howdy. 468 00:33:38,496 --> 00:33:43,365 Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. Where the fuck's Brandy at? 469 00:33:52,444 --> 00:33:58,041 - You ever hear of a rolling brown-out? - No. Let's try it. 470 00:34:01,052 --> 00:34:05,250 Wait, brown? No, no, nothing brown! Nothing brown! Nothing brown! 471 00:34:05,323 --> 00:34:07,723 What're you gonna do? Hit a girl? 472 00:34:07,992 --> 00:34:12,156 No, but I'm gonna pummel his ass real good. 473 00:34:12,230 --> 00:34:14,596 There you go. There you go. 474 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,735 Brandy! Come on, baby! Open the God damn door! 475 00:34:25,443 --> 00:34:29,504 All right, this is not what it looks like. It was a project for school. 476 00:34:29,581 --> 00:34:30,741 Purple Soda! 477 00:34:39,958 --> 00:34:41,152 Wiener! 478 00:34:44,963 --> 00:34:46,021 Ow! 479 00:34:57,175 --> 00:34:58,665 There you are. 480 00:35:00,912 --> 00:35:03,847 Come on, come on. I do not want to die naked. 481 00:35:10,221 --> 00:35:14,487 Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch! 482 00:35:22,434 --> 00:35:26,029 Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy! 483 00:35:28,406 --> 00:35:29,873 Hey, hold on! 484 00:35:31,543 --> 00:35:32,771 Come on, man, she's not worth it. 485 00:35:32,844 --> 00:35:35,540 She's just gonna shit all over you. Trust me. 486 00:35:35,613 --> 00:35:38,081 Eat bat, dickhead! 487 00:35:39,684 --> 00:35:41,117 Holy shit! 488 00:35:43,221 --> 00:35:44,381 Ian just killed that guy. 489 00:35:44,456 --> 00:35:46,583 Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you all right? 490 00:35:46,658 --> 00:35:49,991 Look, I have my insurance card. I'm sorry. We're from out of town. 491 00:35:50,061 --> 00:35:53,553 I couldn't see you through the corn. I'm sorry. 492 00:35:57,135 --> 00:35:59,365 Where the hell's the road? - It feels like left. 493 00:35:59,437 --> 00:36:00,597 I told you we didn't have time for this, 494 00:36:00,672 --> 00:36:02,936 - but all you care about is your stupid dick. - Ian. 495 00:36:03,007 --> 00:36:04,668 And you leave us out there with her mom's weird soda. 496 00:36:04,742 --> 00:36:07,142 - Ian. - And her dad's balls in plain view... 497 00:36:07,212 --> 00:36:08,338 Ian, Ian, whip a shitty! 498 00:36:08,413 --> 00:36:09,880 Motherfucker! 499 00:36:20,525 --> 00:36:23,722 Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that! 500 00:36:23,895 --> 00:36:27,695 Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving. Lance, you suck! 501 00:36:27,966 --> 00:36:30,264 Where the hell are we? - Where are the Google maps? 502 00:36:30,335 --> 00:36:32,769 - They're in my pants. - Which are? 503 00:36:33,471 --> 00:36:35,268 In the trailer. 504 00:36:36,941 --> 00:36:39,205 Mmm-hmm. Great. 505 00:36:39,811 --> 00:36:44,077 Shit. I got gum in my bush. 506 00:36:47,919 --> 00:36:50,285 Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can show us back to the highway. 507 00:36:50,355 --> 00:36:52,983 - Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker. - Don't worry, I won't. 508 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,357 No, no, no. 509 00:36:58,630 --> 00:37:00,530 Oh, my God. 510 00:37:02,767 --> 00:37:06,760 Hey! Thanks for the lift, man. I've been out there for hours. 511 00:37:07,205 --> 00:37:08,900 Not one car. Can you believe it? 512 00:37:08,973 --> 00:37:11,601 - Listen, sir, we didn't... - You're good people. 513 00:37:11,676 --> 00:37:15,407 - Guy, you're not wearing any pants. - Yeah, I know. 514 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:16,845 Right on. 515 00:37:24,122 --> 00:37:28,684 I got nothing. There's no bars. You know, it probably just needs water. 516 00:37:28,993 --> 00:37:30,517 Got any in the trunk? 517 00:37:30,728 --> 00:37:33,322 Hey, sweetheart, men are talking. We got this one. 518 00:37:33,398 --> 00:37:36,367 Yeah, thanks, but this happened to my brother's car once 519 00:37:36,434 --> 00:37:39,232 - and you just piss in the radiator. - Really? 520 00:37:39,470 --> 00:37:41,062 Yeah. 521 00:37:42,206 --> 00:37:44,367 Oh, God! Damn it! 522 00:37:45,777 --> 00:37:47,745 - Are you okay? - Fuck. Yeah. 523 00:37:47,812 --> 00:37:49,507 That's a lesson learned. 524 00:37:52,150 --> 00:37:54,015 You can watch, if you're into that kind of thing. 525 00:37:54,085 --> 00:37:57,521 Oh, wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen your dick enough for one day. 526 00:37:57,589 --> 00:38:02,424 - Do you hear that? There's a ringing. - Your loss. It's like razor blades. 527 00:38:02,493 --> 00:38:07,294 What? There's ants down here. FYI. 528 00:38:07,365 --> 00:38:12,132 All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it. 529 00:38:12,870 --> 00:38:16,135 Okay. Go away. 530 00:38:16,541 --> 00:38:20,705 Dude, seriously? Still? I thought you got over this shit. 531 00:38:22,246 --> 00:38:23,713 You're a grown man. 532 00:38:31,089 --> 00:38:34,581 Flowing river, gentle stream. Flowing river, gentle stream. 533 00:38:34,659 --> 00:38:38,151 - Yo, stage fright, how're we doing? - Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute. 534 00:38:40,531 --> 00:38:45,025 Excuse me. We kind of need you to pee in the radiator. 535 00:38:45,570 --> 00:38:48,698 - Why? - We just do. 536 00:38:51,209 --> 00:38:54,201 Our new friend's got nothing left in the tank. 537 00:38:58,683 --> 00:38:59,843 What? 538 00:39:05,590 --> 00:39:07,558 You kids need some help? 539 00:39:14,432 --> 00:39:15,456 Hi. 540 00:39:21,773 --> 00:39:22,865 Are you okay? 541 00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:26,432 Oh, yeah, I'm great. I just beaved a family of four. 542 00:39:27,578 --> 00:39:28,772 Try it. 543 00:39:33,918 --> 00:39:35,078 All set? 544 00:39:35,153 --> 00:39:37,986 Look, I'm sorry, sir, but we can't give you a ride. 545 00:39:40,091 --> 00:39:42,184 I'm gonna say this once. 546 00:39:42,260 --> 00:39:46,253 You unlock this fucking car, or God is my witness, 547 00:39:46,798 --> 00:39:48,959 I'll stake you all to the ground, 548 00:39:49,033 --> 00:39:52,298 cut you open and let the dogs get at you. 549 00:39:53,805 --> 00:39:54,794 Oh, yeah? 550 00:39:57,608 --> 00:39:59,803 Bye-bye. 551 00:40:10,888 --> 00:40:14,289 - Here's that pee you ordered. - Roll them up. 552 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,496 - There you go, Tex. - You're soaked with pee. 553 00:40:19,564 --> 00:40:21,122 Quick car wash? 554 00:40:21,199 --> 00:40:23,633 - God! - Gross. 555 00:40:23,701 --> 00:40:27,296 It smells like Halloween. Fuck. 556 00:40:28,473 --> 00:40:30,464 How can nobody go down a road for an hour and a half? 557 00:40:30,541 --> 00:40:32,372 Why did they even make this stupid road? 558 00:40:32,443 --> 00:40:34,468 It's so hot out here. 559 00:40:34,545 --> 00:40:36,103 Ow! 560 00:40:39,283 --> 00:40:43,947 Oh, my God, your head. Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see. 561 00:40:44,088 --> 00:40:46,147 Yes. It hurts. 562 00:40:48,426 --> 00:40:51,862 - What is that? - Oh, my God. 563 00:40:55,433 --> 00:40:56,422 Wow. 564 00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,605 That is so beautiful. 565 00:41:20,558 --> 00:41:21,650 Need some help? 566 00:41:23,094 --> 00:41:28,122 - Yeah, but no offense... - Oh, right, 'cause I'm Amish, 567 00:41:28,199 --> 00:41:31,168 so I wouldn't know anything about your '69 GTO Judge. 568 00:41:31,469 --> 00:41:35,235 455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi, something like that. 569 00:41:35,306 --> 00:41:38,332 Weird, that thing must have fallen straight from space. 570 00:41:38,409 --> 00:41:41,105 Well, good luck with the future ride, spaceman. 571 00:41:43,815 --> 00:41:45,942 Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on. 572 00:41:46,384 --> 00:41:47,510 Wow! 573 00:41:47,585 --> 00:41:48,609 Okay. 574 00:41:48,686 --> 00:41:52,986 What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea. 575 00:41:53,157 --> 00:41:54,317 - What? - Come on. 576 00:41:54,392 --> 00:41:56,917 You don't know how far we have to walk. Those are your only pair of shoes. 577 00:41:56,994 --> 00:42:00,259 You know what? You're probably right. God, you're so sensible. 578 00:42:00,431 --> 00:42:03,093 But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? 579 00:42:03,167 --> 00:42:04,464 I should. 580 00:42:07,171 --> 00:42:08,661 I can't believe you just did that. 581 00:42:08,739 --> 00:42:11,970 - All right. Now you. - No way. Forget it. 582 00:42:12,043 --> 00:42:14,568 Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever. 583 00:42:14,645 --> 00:42:17,773 Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country to go to... 584 00:42:17,849 --> 00:42:21,410 To visit your grandma? Whoa! 585 00:42:21,485 --> 00:42:24,579 So he met this chick on the Internet, which is sketchy. 586 00:42:24,655 --> 00:42:25,883 The Internet? 587 00:42:26,557 --> 00:42:30,857 Yeah, it's like a series of computers that are connected through... 588 00:42:30,928 --> 00:42:32,259 Computers? 589 00:42:34,432 --> 00:42:37,595 A computer's like a big calculator, you know, with a screen. 590 00:42:37,835 --> 00:42:40,099 I'm just busting your balls, man. I know what the Internet is. 591 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,099 - Okay. - You ever heard of Rumspringa? 592 00:42:45,176 --> 00:42:47,542 Yeah, that ska band from Delaware. 593 00:42:47,612 --> 00:42:51,844 No, it means "run wild." It's an Amish tradition where when we turn 16, 594 00:42:51,916 --> 00:42:54,441 we can go live like you heathens for a while. 595 00:42:54,518 --> 00:42:59,683 You go nuts, party for months or years till your folks start hassling you, 596 00:42:59,757 --> 00:43:02,089 and then it's back to the Stone Age. 597 00:43:02,293 --> 00:43:04,261 But if you're on Rumspringa, what's with the buggy? 598 00:43:04,328 --> 00:43:06,523 Oh, no, I'm not. Not anymore. 599 00:43:07,498 --> 00:43:10,058 I probably shouldn't even be talking to you, but... 600 00:43:10,134 --> 00:43:12,762 I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw. 601 00:43:12,970 --> 00:43:16,462 - Sometimes I just miss the world. - What do you miss the most? 602 00:43:16,540 --> 00:43:19,566 You know, I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. 603 00:43:19,644 --> 00:43:20,668 Oh. 604 00:43:20,745 --> 00:43:26,911 And gambling. Went to Vegas once. And butt fucking. 605 00:43:28,219 --> 00:43:31,848 - Got a lot of nice memories there. - I hear that. 606 00:43:32,423 --> 00:43:34,118 You know, when you cut your foot on a piece of glass, 607 00:43:34,191 --> 00:43:36,625 - don't think I'm gonna carry you. - You know what? I will be fine. Okay? 608 00:43:36,694 --> 00:43:41,597 - I was born barefoot. - Hey! Wait! 609 00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:44,726 Hey! Stop! 610 00:43:48,439 --> 00:43:50,430 Have a nice walk, shit-birds. 611 00:43:53,477 --> 00:43:55,104 Oh! 612 00:43:58,549 --> 00:44:01,177 Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel. 613 00:44:01,252 --> 00:44:02,947 What up, English? 614 00:44:11,896 --> 00:44:13,727 There's no service out here. 615 00:44:14,065 --> 00:44:17,091 - I can't even tell her I'll be late. - Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting. 616 00:44:17,168 --> 00:44:18,226 You don't want to come off as desperate. 617 00:44:19,403 --> 00:44:22,372 I'm driving nine hours. How am I not coming off desperate? 618 00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:26,467 - We had shit to do. - Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff? 619 00:44:27,144 --> 00:44:29,908 You blew your head gasket. That's not good. 620 00:44:29,981 --> 00:44:32,506 - Shit. - Don't cry. We can fix it. 621 00:44:32,583 --> 00:44:34,710 - Really? - Yeah, really. We're good at it. 622 00:44:34,785 --> 00:44:36,309 - Yeah? - Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it, 623 00:44:36,387 --> 00:44:37,513 but it's an impressive thing. 624 00:44:37,588 --> 00:44:39,419 - Yeah. We'll fix it. - Wow, that'd be cool. 625 00:44:39,490 --> 00:44:43,722 Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I might be the coolest guy you ever met. 626 00:44:43,794 --> 00:44:45,022 - Wow. - Wow. 627 00:44:46,030 --> 00:44:47,622 - Thank you. - Yeah. You're welcome. 628 00:44:47,698 --> 00:44:50,292 That's what you say when people do nice things for you. 629 00:44:50,368 --> 00:44:52,427 You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door 630 00:44:52,503 --> 00:44:55,529 if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. 631 00:44:55,606 --> 00:44:58,097 Take it easy while we do all this for you. 632 00:45:01,078 --> 00:45:04,570 - Does he have an attitude? - No, he's fucking with you. 633 00:45:05,449 --> 00:45:06,438 Okay. 634 00:45:07,985 --> 00:45:11,819 Just relax, man. I got a good feeling about this, you know. 635 00:45:11,889 --> 00:45:13,322 You're gonna party with the Amish. 636 00:45:13,391 --> 00:45:16,451 Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be one kick-ass quilting bee. 637 00:45:19,430 --> 00:45:20,920 What's up, man? 638 00:45:20,998 --> 00:45:26,061 - Hey. - No f-ing way! 639 00:45:28,773 --> 00:45:32,231 When I'm home alone I just can't stop myself 640 00:45:33,744 --> 00:45:36,338 - This is insane! - I know. 641 00:45:38,783 --> 00:45:45,518 Signing off, " I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen" 642 00:45:45,589 --> 00:45:50,583 I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 643 00:45:51,328 --> 00:45:56,391 I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 644 00:45:56,967 --> 00:46:02,405 The kid was all right, but it went to his head 645 00:46:10,314 --> 00:46:15,718 Thank you, guys, very, very, very much. You guys fucking rule, man. 646 00:46:31,535 --> 00:46:35,266 Dude. Don't even bother. Your game is not gonna work on that girl. 647 00:46:35,573 --> 00:46:39,703 What do you know about girls? I've never even seen you with a girl. 648 00:46:40,444 --> 00:46:42,674 I'm gonna go check on the car. 649 00:46:48,652 --> 00:46:50,586 Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance. 650 00:46:51,021 --> 00:46:55,458 - Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize. - Come on. Don't be hating. 651 00:47:00,131 --> 00:47:01,621 Fine. 652 00:47:14,078 --> 00:47:17,479 I've never shot a flaming arrow that far, but I was game to try. 653 00:47:17,548 --> 00:47:18,913 And the thing is, the second you let it release... 654 00:47:18,983 --> 00:47:24,683 Whoa! Hey, what is this? Why are the seats out? 655 00:47:24,755 --> 00:47:27,087 Ian, do you know anything about fixing these old Pontiacs? 656 00:47:27,158 --> 00:47:31,254 I don't care, okay? Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just 657 00:47:31,328 --> 00:47:34,388 - put them back in there. I don't want... - Ian, you've gotta calm down. 658 00:47:34,465 --> 00:47:35,796 Do you know any breathing exercises? 659 00:47:35,866 --> 00:47:38,027 Because you are right on the verge of a freak-out. 660 00:47:38,102 --> 00:47:42,903 You don't know my brother, okay? He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters. 661 00:47:42,973 --> 00:47:46,602 What? He's gonna what? With what? 662 00:47:46,677 --> 00:47:51,444 Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, and he's gonna walk into the bank, 663 00:47:51,515 --> 00:47:53,608 stand in line, change a 10, 664 00:47:53,751 --> 00:47:57,585 find my ass and just fuck it with a roll of fucking quarters. 665 00:48:37,328 --> 00:48:41,662 Check it out. It's totally working. 666 00:48:41,732 --> 00:48:43,962 You're the best wing-man ever. 667 00:48:44,034 --> 00:48:46,559 She's in, she's in. Watch this. 668 00:48:56,714 --> 00:49:00,206 Rumspringa! Whoo! 669 00:49:01,852 --> 00:49:04,412 - I took a wicked digger. - Yes, you did. 670 00:49:05,389 --> 00:49:08,222 - First day of Rumspringa? - Rumspringa! 671 00:49:11,262 --> 00:49:12,820 - Uh-oh! - Oh! 672 00:49:15,532 --> 00:49:16,624 Hey. 673 00:49:18,836 --> 00:49:24,433 - All right. Okay. You good? All right. - Aw! You guys are so nice. 674 00:49:24,508 --> 00:49:26,499 Don't let her step in it. 675 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,774 What? What's wrong with you? 676 00:49:33,017 --> 00:49:36,783 - Yeah, what's your problem, bitch? - Nothing. I'm fine. 677 00:49:37,154 --> 00:49:40,180 Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off. 678 00:49:40,257 --> 00:49:41,690 - It's Lance, right? - No. 679 00:49:41,759 --> 00:49:44,125 I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl and you're out here. 680 00:49:44,194 --> 00:49:45,218 Wrong. 681 00:49:45,296 --> 00:49:48,163 Come on, Leesh, just drop the hard-ass thing for two minutes. 682 00:49:48,232 --> 00:49:51,861 You know. It's okay. You're into Lance. 683 00:49:54,371 --> 00:49:57,738 - God, I'm such an idiot. - Look, there's something about Lance. 684 00:49:58,876 --> 00:50:03,108 Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance. 685 00:50:04,848 --> 00:50:07,783 Just promise me you won't ever be like Lance. 686 00:50:09,486 --> 00:50:14,287 What is wrong with us? Let's go have some fun. Come on. 687 00:50:14,825 --> 00:50:16,850 - No. No. - No? 688 00:50:17,361 --> 00:50:22,298 Come on, we're young, and we're Amish, and it's Rumspringa. 689 00:50:22,366 --> 00:50:23,765 Rumspringa! 690 00:50:51,161 --> 00:50:53,959 Ian, you little cock-sucker! 691 00:51:13,817 --> 00:51:14,841 Ah! 692 00:51:14,952 --> 00:51:17,614 Leesh, you're so stubborn. Look at your feet. 693 00:51:17,688 --> 00:51:19,986 They are fine. All right? 694 00:51:21,492 --> 00:51:23,756 Hey. What's the plan? 695 00:51:25,095 --> 00:51:27,996 I might as well find a phone and call Rex 696 00:51:28,766 --> 00:51:32,793 - so he can get on with killing me. - What about visiting your grandma? 697 00:51:33,036 --> 00:51:36,494 Yeah, dude. You been putting off visiting your grandma for too long. 698 00:51:36,573 --> 00:51:39,838 - It's about time you visited Grandma. - Yeah. 699 00:51:39,910 --> 00:51:45,143 Lance, you know, I really do want to visit my grandma, but... 700 00:51:45,215 --> 00:51:50,084 Dude, I really can't stress enough how much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma. 701 00:51:50,454 --> 00:51:54,015 You know, I visit my grandma sometimes two or three times a week, 702 00:51:54,191 --> 00:51:57,388 and it is always a pleasure. She's just a delight. 703 00:51:57,461 --> 00:51:58,485 What am I supposed to do? 704 00:51:58,562 --> 00:52:00,860 Our transportation is all over the floor of that barn. 705 00:52:00,931 --> 00:52:02,262 Hey, Mary! 706 00:52:04,635 --> 00:52:05,624 Hi. 707 00:52:09,406 --> 00:52:12,705 Wow, you look beautiful. 708 00:52:13,177 --> 00:52:14,405 Oh, please. 709 00:52:14,478 --> 00:52:19,711 I mean, seriously, you wearing that, churning some butter. Sexy. 710 00:52:19,783 --> 00:52:22,513 So I had the best time with you last night. 711 00:52:22,586 --> 00:52:24,019 Yeah, me, too. 712 00:52:24,087 --> 00:52:26,954 So you got my number. You're gonna call me, right? 713 00:52:28,125 --> 00:52:29,319 No. 714 00:52:30,494 --> 00:52:33,224 "No." You're funny.