1 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,460 The place, New York City. 2 00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:09,380 The time, now, 1962. 3 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:12,460 And there's no time or place like it. 4 00:03:12,580 --> 00:03:14,380 If you've got a dream... 5 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:17,140 this is the place to make that dream come true. 6 00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:20,540 That's why the soaring population of hopeful dreamers... 7 00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:23,460 has just reached eight million people. 8 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:29,060 Oh! Make that eight million and one. 9 00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:32,460 Hey, taxi! Taxi! 10 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:35,740 Hey, wait! Where are you going? 11 00:03:48,540 --> 00:03:50,820 Down with the bomb! 12 00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:53,340 Down with the bomb! Down with the bomb! 13 00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:55,260 Down with the bomb! 14 00:03:55,380 --> 00:03:58,260 - Down with the bomb! 15 00:04:54,220 --> 00:04:57,220 - Barbara? 16 00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:59,060 - "Oh." 17 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:01,780 - Barbara Novak? - Oh, I think so. 18 00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:04,060 - Oh, thank goodness you're here! - Vikki? 19 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,420 Vikki Hiller, your editor, in the flesh. 20 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,980 It is so nice to finally meet you in person. 21 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,180 My goodness, you're gorgeous! 22 00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:15,220 We're gonna set up a photo shoot for the book jacket. 23 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:18,780 There's plenty of time. The book doesn't come out for a week. One week! 24 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:21,660 Oh, my! Don't be nervous. Cigarette? 25 00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:27,660 Barbara, this is my secretary Gladys. Gladys, Barbara Novak. 26 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,580 Oh, I know. It's a pleasure. 27 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:33,420 Hello, Gladys! I'm glad to finally have a face to put with the voice. 28 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:37,020 Vick, I need you to sigh off on this pronto. 29 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,380 Maurice Johns, art director. 30 00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:42,900 Barbara Novak, your cover! 31 00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:45,660 - " Oh, Maurice!" 32 00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:48,020 I love it! 33 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,620 Down With Love. Hear! Hear! 34 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:53,340 I only wish somebody had written your book 10 years ago... 35 00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:55,260 before it was too late for me. 36 00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:57,540 Gladys, it's never too late. 37 00:05:57,580 --> 00:06:00,900 Great job. Sorry if the guys in New Production have been riding your tail. 38 00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,060 I'm not. 39 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,420 They're ready for you in the lion's den. 40 00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:15,260 - Lion's den? - Oh, don't worry. You'll be fine. 41 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:19,540 Just take a deep breath. 42 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:32,980 Gentlemen, this is Miss Novak. 43 00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:37,380 - E.G. - C.B. 44 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,140 - C.W. - J.B. 45 00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:40,900 - J.R. - R.J. 46 00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:42,860 - Okay. - "O.K. Can't make it." 47 00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:45,820 - He's down with T.B. - Oh, what a shame. Is it serious? 48 00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:49,820 No, they're just having breakfast. T.B. Is Theodore Banner. 49 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:53,140 You know, the owner of Banner House, the fellow publishing your little book? 50 00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:56,140 That's his portrait, there. 51 00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:00,940 Forgive me if we kept you waiting, but Barbara hit a storm... 52 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,860 on her way down from Maine. 53 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,660 - So you've come down from Maine, huh? - You remember, C.B. 54 00:07:05,740 --> 00:07:08,540 Miss Novak is the farmer's daughter librarian... 55 00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:11,220 who spent the long, cold New England winter... 56 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:14,940 writing her manuscript by the light of a lonely oil lamp. 57 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,740 I'm at a loss here, ladies. 58 00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:20,660 I'm afraid I don't know exactly what Miss Novak's book is about. 59 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:24,820 Miss Novak's book is a serious work "of nonfiction entitled"... 60 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:27,260 Vikki, excuse me. It's right behind you. 61 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:30,060 Would you mind pouring me a cup of coffee? 62 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,860 It's a serious work of nonfiction... 63 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,220 "entitled" Down With Love. 64 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:39,380 - This is empty. - "If you're making a fresh pot," I'll have a cup. 65 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,300 - Count me in. - "Likewise." 66 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:42,820 - Ditto. - None for me, Vikki. 67 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:45,780 - Thanks, R.J. - I'll have a Sanka. 68 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:52,820 As I was saying, the central thesis "of Miss Novak's book," Down With Love... 69 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,580 is that women will never be happy until they become... 70 00:07:55,660 --> 00:08:00,060 independent as individuals by achieving equal participation in the workforce. 71 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:03,740 And how do you propose women do this, Miss Novak? 72 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:07,020 By saying, "Down with love." 73 00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:09,140 Love is a distraction. 74 00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:12,140 If women were to stop falling in love, it would mean the end of the human race. 75 00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:14,100 Not at all. 76 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:17,340 I said women should refrain from love, C. W"..." 77 00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:19,260 not sex. 78 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:22,180 Isn't that the same thing? 79 00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:25,700 I mean, for women. 80 00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:29,420 It won't be, after they've mastered the three levels I've outlined in my book... 81 00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:32,540 that will teach any woman to live life the way a man does. 82 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:36,540 Level one instructs women to abstain from men altogether... 83 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:41,220 so they'll stop thinking that the pleasures experienced during the sex act are related to love. 84 00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:43,820 They're not, as women will learn... 85 00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:47,220 by practicing the self-pleasuring technique that I've detailed... 86 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,660 in chapter seven entitled... "Up With Chocolate. '"' 87 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,860 - You see, gentlemen... 88 00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:57,220 the female experiences a biological reaction to chocolate... 89 00:08:57,260 --> 00:09:01,340 that triggers the same pleasurable responses as are triggered during the sex act. 90 00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:04,220 By substituting chocolate for sex... 91 00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:07,860 the female will soon learn the difference between sex and love. 92 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:11,540 Love for a man will no longer occupy her mind. 93 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:14,820 She will now find that she has the time and the energy... 94 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,740 to move on to level two... 95 00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:20,300 where taking on new challenges will lead to the self-sufficience of level three... 96 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,780 where the woman becomes active in the workplace... 97 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:26,100 and earns and achieves an unequivocal equality... 98 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:28,100 with men. 99 00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:35,540 And all this time the woman is abstaining from sex? 100 00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:37,460 Heavens no! 101 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,980 By level three, she can have sex whenever she likes, without love... 102 00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:44,700 and enjoy it the way a man does... � la carte. 103 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:52,260 Well, Miss Novak, your "theories..." 104 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,900 may have worked with the gentlemen up in Maine... 105 00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:59,780 but the men in Manhattan are not the fine, upstanding, straightforward men of Maine. 106 00:09:59,820 --> 00:10:02,580 The men of Manhattan are devious. 107 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:05,860 They're dangerous. They'll be coming at you from every angle. 108 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:08,700 While you're watching your front, they'll attack from the rear! 109 00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:12,940 And while you're protecting your rear, they'll drop out of the sky. 110 00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:18,300 Adios. 111 00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:22,980 Oh, one more kiss! 112 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:29,180 Easy, baby. Be careful you don't fall out. 113 00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:34,260 Bye-bye! 114 00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:45,340 Very good. I'll let him know. 115 00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:48,260 Mr. MacMannus? Catcher Block has just landed on the roof. 116 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,620 KNOW "magazine." 117 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,740 - Are you Catcher Block's secretary? - Yes, Mr. MacMannus. 118 00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:08,660 I'm Sally. I'm new. 119 00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:11,580 They're always new. When he gets in, tell him to see me. 120 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,340 He's fired. 121 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,420 - You're fired! - No, I'm not. 122 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:20,300 Oh, yes, you are! 123 00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:23,580 So you can take your Pulitzer and your beloved Underwood and your change of underwear... 124 00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:25,500 and clear out. 125 00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:27,740 Do you work for me? 126 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,060 You had a story due yesterday, but I gave you more time. 127 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:37,620 I held the presses so you could get your scoop on Nazis hiding in Argentina. 128 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:40,780 Then I see "this!" 129 00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:45,020 "Item: "KNOW" magazine's star journalist, Catcher Block... 130 00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:47,780 "ladies' man, man's man, man about town, 131 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,740 "Was seen leaving the Copa last night with a doggie bag... 132 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:53,060 and three girls from the floor show." 133 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:55,740 I took the Bossa Nova triplets to Cocoa Beach. 134 00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:57,660 NASA was throwing a luau. 135 00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,580 Well, I hope you enjoyed it... 136 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,820 because unless you found Nazis hiding at your luau, you're fired! 137 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:08,740 There were Nazis hiding at your luau! I knew you'd do it! 138 00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:10,900 What do you got for me, Catch? What do you got? 139 00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:14,460 Argentina isn't the only hiding place for Nazis. They're hiding them in Florida too. 140 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,820 Wow! How? Who's hiding them? 141 00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:19,340 - "We are." - We Americans? 142 00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:22,060 Why? Nazis are bad. We're good. 143 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,780 Yeah, but some bad Nazis are good scientists. 144 00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:28,900 The guy building the rocket that'll land on the moon first and win us the space race? 145 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,780 He's a Nazi, and I saw the top-secret file to prove it. 146 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,260 Here. I brought you a souvenir. 147 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,580 Whoa! 148 00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:41,300 A top-secret NASA security clearance badge! 149 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:44,180 - How did you get this? - Blame it on the bossa nova. 150 00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:46,620 The triplets? 151 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,540 Yeah. 152 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:52,380 You see, Lola shakes her maracas... 153 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:55,060 and Rosa bounces her bongos... 154 00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,420 while Nina is all hands... 155 00:12:57,460 --> 00:13:00,300 120 words a minute. 156 00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:02,740 The story? It's written? 157 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,700 Whoa! Catch! 158 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:07,420 But is it safe to print? NASA's gonna blow its stack. 159 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:11,540 Well, they forgave Germany. They can forgive us. 160 00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:14,900 Get someone from Legal up here. 161 00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:16,940 Yes, sir. Yes, sir. 162 00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:19,380 Yes, sir. Yes, sir! 163 00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:23,100 My analyst says I only react to you with such vehement loathing... 164 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,020 because I admire you so much. 165 00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:28,020 He says I resent you for being a self-made man... 166 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,460 as opposed to the son of a self-made man. 167 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:34,100 Here. Hope you have your garters from last night. There's none in here. 168 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:38,220 Garters? I haven't worn garters since Nixon conceded. 169 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,780 What, are you turning into some sort of beatnik? 170 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,900 Step into the future. Garters are a thing of the past. 171 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:48,340 I don't know, Catch. 172 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,780 I have enough of an insecurity complex... 173 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:53,980 without worrying about my socks falling down. 174 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:58,460 How can you be confident you won't show a shiny shin when you cross your legs? 175 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,580 It's a miracle of the space age. 176 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:05,380 Silk manufacturers are using new wonder fibers like Lycra, Orlon and Dacron... 177 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:08,380 to put super stay-up power into their over-the-calf sock. 178 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:11,820 What would you say is the average length for most men? 179 00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,740 How would I know? 180 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,300 You think I spend all my time in the locker room at the club making a comparative study? 181 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:19,340 Let me see yours again, then. 182 00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:21,340 We could measure. I'll get a ruler. 183 00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:24,020 - Better make it a yardstick. 184 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:27,540 Let's be accurate. Make sure you've got it fully extended. 185 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:29,460 Have it up the whole way. 186 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,340 It stays up all the way all day long, man. 187 00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:35,940 That's the miracle I was telling you about. Better living through chemistry. 188 00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:38,260 You got 16 inches. 189 00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:40,340 Sixteen inches? 190 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,500 How long does a man's hose have to be? 191 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,380 That's 32 inches of confidence in every step. 192 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,540 Don't forget... I've got two of'em. 193 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:56,340 I don't believe it. You went through another one. That's three this month. 194 00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:59,500 What is it about the workplace that women just can't seem to handle? 195 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,300 What is it about the workplace that women just can't seem to handle? 196 00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:02,940 Men! They want us to fail. 197 00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:05,780 The nerve, inviting me to New York to launch my book... 198 00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:08,020 when they have no intention of promoting it! 199 00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:10,180 - Don't worry. I have a plan. - You do? 200 00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:14,060 Remember last winter you said you'd like publicity where men would see it too? 201 00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,100 "Perhaps in a men's magazine," you said. 202 00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:18,060 "A prestigious men's magazine. 203 00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:21,340 The most widely circulated and highly respected men's magazine." 204 00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:23,260 - "KNOW?" - Yes, you did. 205 00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:26,260 No, I mean "KNOW. KNOW" magazine, for men in the know. 206 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,180 Oh, yes. Exactly. 207 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:31,780 - You got us advertising in "KNOW?" - "I did better." 208 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:36,420 I got you a cover story written by "KNOW" magazine's star journalist Catcher Block. 209 00:15:36,540 --> 00:15:39,820 Catcher Block? The ladies' man, man's man, man about town? 210 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,580 Oh, Vikki, you're the best friend... 211 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,980 a girl from Maine who wrote a book and came to New York could ever have! 212 00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:47,940 You don't know the half of it. 213 00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:51,460 I hear Catcher Block is gorgeous... and eligible. 214 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:54,660 Not that that matters to us. 215 00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:56,580 Down with love! 216 00:15:56,700 --> 00:16:01,220 I can't believe it. Me on the cover of "KNOW. KNOW!" 217 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,820 - No. - "Catch, please, I promised." It's one cover story. 218 00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:08,380 A girl's never called me in my life, let alone invited me for a drink. 219 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,380 I think this Vikki really likes me. 220 00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,300 I think I might really like her. 221 00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:16,020 I'm sure I would if she really likes me, and she does because I led her to believe... 222 00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,660 that as the owner of "KNOW" magazine, I had some pull with my staff. 223 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:21,500 Then pull your staff with one of your other writers. I'm not doing it. 224 00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:23,420 No, it can't be anyone else. 225 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:27,580 The best thing I have to offer a woman is the same as the best thing you have to offer... you. 226 00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:30,580 But I'm all tied up, Mac. I'm using me. 227 00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:33,060 Oh, come on! It'll be fun. 228 00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:35,260 - You like fun. - Fun? 229 00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:38,940 Interviewing a man-hating embittered New England spinster librarian? 230 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,500 How do you know what she's like? 231 00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:43,100 Who else would write a book called "Down With Love?" 232 00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:47,060 You don't have to be a Nazi rocket scientist to figure that out. 233 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:50,780 Catch, please, please, please, please? 234 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,900 I hope you won't be disappointed. 235 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:25,060 Oh, Vikki, it's adorable. 236 00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:31,100 My first New York phone call! 237 00:17:31,220 --> 00:17:34,900 It must be "KNOW" magazine. No one else has your number. 238 00:17:36,060 --> 00:17:38,060 It must be Catcher Block! 239 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,020 - Oh! - Oh! 240 00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:44,820 - This is Barbara Novak. - This is Catcher Block. 241 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:48,460 Catcher Block. Catcher Block. 242 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,380 - "KNOW" magazine. - Oh, yes, of course. 243 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:54,140 What can I do for you, Mr. Block? 244 00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:56,580 I think it's what I can do for you, Miss Novak. 245 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,300 I'd like to invite you to lunch so we can discuss your book. 246 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:01,260 That sounds very nice... 247 00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:04,260 but I'll have to check my schedule to see when I'm available. 248 00:18:04,380 --> 00:18:07,580 We've already ordered. Can you be in the Mahogany Room in ten minutes? 249 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,180 I'm afraid that will be impossible, Mr. Block. 250 00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,660 - Some other time, then. - Right. 251 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:15,420 I'll see you in 15. 252 00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:21,860 Catch, you are the best friend a guy with 20 diagnosed neuroses ever had. 253 00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:24,820 We've been friends a long time. I knew you when you only had 12. 254 00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:26,940 This is great! I'll be right back. 255 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:29,780 Gotta go put in my shoe lifts. 256 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:36,100 - Guess who. - As if I'd need to guess. 257 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:38,580 - Hmm. Tell me my name. - Tell me you love me. 258 00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:40,500 Blimey, Catch. You know I love you. 259 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,180 And I love you too... Gwendolyn. 260 00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,140 Oh. 261 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:50,620 - How long's your layover? - Never long enough. 262 00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:53,220 There's always time for a matinee. 263 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:48,940 Well, hello, Peter. Barbara Novak, Peter MacMannus. 264 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:51,380 Nice to meet you, Mr. MacMannus. 265 00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:54,780 - " Where's Mr. Block?" - Yes, where's Mr. Block? 266 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:58,220 I, uh, I don't know. Henri. 267 00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:00,860 - Where is Mr. Block? - I don't know. 268 00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,740 A Mr. Block for you, Mr. MacMannus? 269 00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,660 Ah. 270 00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:07,580 Here he is now. 271 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:12,780 - Catcher! - Mac. 272 00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:16,500 - Where are ya? - Something sprang up. Is she there? 273 00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:19,900 - "Yes, she is." - "Let me speak to the spinster." 274 00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:22,940 Mr. Block would like to speak with you. 275 00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:29,540 - This is Barbara Novak. - I'm so sorry, Miss Novak. 276 00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,460 The darndest thing. 277 00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:34,580 I was waiting for you at the bar, and a little English foxhound... 278 00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,780 walked right in, came up to me and started nuzzling me. 279 00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:40,740 She seemed so lost, and she didn't want to go with anyone else... 280 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,860 so I just had to take care of her. 281 00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:45,580 Mr. Block, that is so thoughtful. 282 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,580 I remember reading that the true test of a man's character... 283 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,060 is how he treats a defenseless creature. 284 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:54,620 Tell me, Mr. Block, how is the little bitch now? 285 00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:57,260 Well, I've got her all nestled in a box... 286 00:20:57,340 --> 00:21:00,780 but I don't think she'll be content until I'm holding her. 287 00:21:00,820 --> 00:21:03,540 Miss Novak, could we rain check until dinner? 288 00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:05,580 Of course. 289 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:08,500 Well, good-bye, Mr. Block. Until dinner. 290 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:10,540 Good-bye. 291 00:21:27,580 --> 00:21:29,500 This is Barbara Novak. 292 00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:32,180 Miss Novak, I am so sorry. 293 00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,940 - The darndest thing. - Yes, Mr. Block? 294 00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:37,980 I'm out in the park with my little French poodle... 295 00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:41,820 and she's just not ready to go in yet, if you know what I mean. 296 00:21:41,940 --> 00:21:44,540 Oh, I do, but here's a little advice... 297 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,620 from a farm girl to a city boy. 298 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:50,060 You'll find that if you stick a little twig in her bottom... 299 00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:53,060 she'll remember why she went out with you in the first place. 300 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:55,220 I'll keep that in mind. 301 00:21:55,260 --> 00:21:57,180 Miss Novak, I hate to ask... 302 00:21:57,220 --> 00:21:59,620 but could we rain check until breakfast? 303 00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:02,260 Of course. Good-bye, Mr. Block. 304 00:22:02,260 --> 00:22:04,180 Until breakfast. 305 00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:11,980 I... just don't know. 306 00:22:12,020 --> 00:22:14,060 It's not like Catch to be late. 307 00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:17,180 No. He usually calls to cancel right on time. 308 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:19,300 Oh, Barbara, I'm sure he'll call. 309 00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:22,260 I mean, come. 310 00:22:22,380 --> 00:22:25,140 Elkie and I missed you at lunch yesterday, Gwendolyn. 311 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:28,020 Oh, I, uh, took in a matinee... 312 00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:29,940 with Catcher Block. 313 00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:33,500 Is that so? 314 00:22:33,540 --> 00:22:36,020 But Elkie and I missed you at dinner last night, Yvette. 315 00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:38,860 Oh, I took in a night game... with Catcher Block. 316 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:45,620 - I told him I'd give up flying for him. - "I did too!" 317 00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:48,900 - Now I wonder if he ever loved me. - I wonder if he even cared. 318 00:22:51,060 --> 00:22:52,980 I wonder what's keeping Elkie! 319 00:23:03,020 --> 00:23:04,900 This is Barbara Novak. 320 00:23:04,940 --> 00:23:07,980 I'm so sorry, Miss Novak. The darndest thing. 321 00:23:08,060 --> 00:23:12,020 I got waylaid by the sweetest Swedish lap hound, who kept me up half the night... 322 00:23:12,060 --> 00:23:14,580 and I'm afraid I'm still in bed. 323 00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:17,540 My! You do get waylaid. 324 00:23:17,660 --> 00:23:20,660 - Would you care for another beverage? - Yeah, sure. Thank you. 325 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:24,780 - I beg your pardon? - I was saying thank you. You're very understanding. 326 00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,140 Could we rain check until lunch? 327 00:23:27,180 --> 00:23:29,300 Oh, Mr. Block. 328 00:23:29,340 --> 00:23:31,420 You can take your rain check... 329 00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:34,180 and as we say on the farm at harvest time... 330 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:37,060 put it where the sun does not shine! 331 00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:40,460 Miss Novak, if you're looking to get dinner, then just say so. 332 00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:44,180 Mr. Block... 333 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:46,340 I wouldn't meet with you... 334 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:49,420 in a hundred years! 335 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,660 - Good-bye, Mr. Block... 336 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:54,060 Forever! 337 00:23:59,260 --> 00:24:01,820 Mr. MacMannus, thank you for your trouble. 338 00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:04,060 Not at all. 339 00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:07,060 Vikki, I'll call a taxi. 340 00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:13,780 - Guess this means we're through. - Oh, it's sad, isn't it? 341 00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:16,660 This is the first time I've had to eliminate having a future with a man... 342 00:24:16,780 --> 00:24:19,540 before we've even had a chance to have had a past. 343 00:24:19,580 --> 00:24:21,620 Good-bye, Mr. MacMannus. 344 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:31,900 - "##" - " It was nice while it lasted." 345 00:24:32,020 --> 00:24:36,020 I haven't had dinner and breakfast with the same woman since I had a nanny. 346 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:38,980 I'm sorry, Peter, but Vikki is not the only girl for you. 347 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:40,940 That's why I brought you here. 348 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:43,820 You brought me here... because we're buddies, right? 349 00:24:43,860 --> 00:24:45,740 Bosom buddies. 350 00:24:59,420 --> 00:25:01,420 Get a load of those rockets. 351 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:05,100 - Here's to antigravity. - Stay with me, buddy. You'll get the spins. 352 00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:07,860 And whatever you do, don't close your eyes. 353 00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:10,580 Don't close your eyes. 354 00:25:10,860 --> 00:25:14,180 Open your eyes. Open your eyes. 355 00:25:16,340 --> 00:25:18,660 Ta-da! It's your book. 356 00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:21,860 On sale, Scribners, Fifth Avenue. 357 00:25:21,940 --> 00:25:23,860 One? 358 00:25:24,980 --> 00:25:26,900 Just one? 359 00:25:27,980 --> 00:25:31,420 All that work, and-and-and-and one? 360 00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:35,380 If somebody buys it, well, then there will be none. 361 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:38,420 It will be as if it never even existed. 362 00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:41,860 No, no. Doubleday also has one. 363 00:25:41,980 --> 00:25:44,300 - Mmm. 364 00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:47,580 I know you're thinking this is a real setback, but I promise you... 365 00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:49,540 I will think of something. 366 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,940 If only we could get your book "on" The Ed Sullivan Show. 367 00:25:53,940 --> 00:25:55,740 If only we could get your book "on" The Ed Sullivan Show. 368 00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:58,020 Yeah. 369 00:25:58,060 --> 00:26:01,740 How exactly do you get a book on "The Ed Sullivan Show?" 370 00:26:03,100 --> 00:26:05,580 Vikki, you're incredible. 371 00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:08,620 She wasn't even on the bill. How did they fit her into the lineup? 372 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:10,540 - Oh, the best luck. 373 00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:13,700 The Singing Nun fell off her scooter coming across the Triborough Bridge. 374 00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:15,580 I guess somebody up there likes me. 375 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:18,860 We have for you a really big surprise... 376 00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:22,300 because to coincide with the arrival of the new book... 377 00:26:22,340 --> 00:26:24,660 Down With Love... 378 00:26:24,740 --> 00:26:28,220 which this week is at your booksellers from coast to coast... 379 00:26:28,340 --> 00:26:32,020 we have a very, very special friend of our show... 380 00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:34,380 to do a song of that book. 381 00:26:34,420 --> 00:26:37,420 Now, I want a really big, warm welcome... 382 00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:39,580 for Judy Garland... 383 00:26:39,620 --> 00:26:41,500 right on this stage. 384 00:26:41,540 --> 00:26:45,220 ## 385 00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:27,900 Yes, ma'am". Down With Love" by Barbara Novak. 386 00:27:28,020 --> 00:27:30,460 It's called "Down With Love" by Barbara Novak. 387 00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:52,020 - Yes! 388 00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:26,540 You said she was a spinster. 389 00:29:26,660 --> 00:29:29,220 I've never used the word "spinster" in my life. 390 00:29:29,260 --> 00:29:32,780 Okay, once, when I told my mother it was technically incorrect to call her son a spinster. 391 00:29:32,820 --> 00:29:35,180 - You said she was a brunette. - I did not! 392 00:29:35,260 --> 00:29:37,660 She sure didn't sound like a blond on the telephone. 393 00:29:37,780 --> 00:29:41,100 - You still want to date Vikki? - Of course. You think I want to die a spinster? 394 00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:44,900 - Tell her I'll do the cover story. - You are the best friend... 395 00:29:45,020 --> 00:29:47,940 Just... call. 396 00:29:48,060 --> 00:29:52,300 Not since Johannes Gutenberg's invention of the printing press... 397 00:29:52,340 --> 00:29:56,180 which changed forever the landscape of man's destiny... 398 00:29:56,300 --> 00:30:00,020 has one book reached so many and achieved so much... 399 00:30:00,100 --> 00:30:02,420 reminding all of us here today... 400 00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:06,420 of the noble goal which called us to toil in the field of publishing... 401 00:30:06,460 --> 00:30:08,620 to begin with... 402 00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:10,580 sales. 403 00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:14,620 So here's to Banner House's new number-one author... 404 00:30:14,660 --> 00:30:18,220 and our new number-one editor. 405 00:30:18,260 --> 00:30:20,140 Say cheers, everyone. 406 00:30:21,220 --> 00:30:23,060 Cheers. 407 00:30:23,140 --> 00:30:25,500 Those men are livid, B.N. 408 00:30:25,620 --> 00:30:27,980 You're a hit. You're bigger than the pill. 409 00:30:28,060 --> 00:30:30,580 Oh, talk about "big," V.H. 410 00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:33,700 This office is huge. Congratulations. 411 00:30:33,740 --> 00:30:35,620 We did it. 412 00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:39,940 Well, hello, Gladys! You look wonderful. 413 00:30:40,020 --> 00:30:43,500 As you told me, Barbara, it's never too late. 414 00:30:43,580 --> 00:30:45,620 Oh, Vikki, Peter MacMannus called again. 415 00:30:45,660 --> 00:30:47,580 Now it's every half hour. 416 00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:51,140 Tell him we're too busy. 417 00:30:51,260 --> 00:30:55,300 - What do you mean? "Too busy"? - You know what it means. 418 00:30:55,380 --> 00:30:57,500 They hate us. 419 00:30:57,580 --> 00:30:59,500 Too busy? 420 00:30:59,540 --> 00:31:02,900 Kennedy, Khrushchev and Castro weren't too busy during the Cuban Missile Crisis... 421 00:31:02,940 --> 00:31:04,820 to sit down and talk to me... 422 00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:07,740 but this "Down With Love" chick is too busy. 423 00:31:07,860 --> 00:31:10,380 Doing what? Eating chocolate? 424 00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:13,100 I'm sorry, panel. You've been stumped. 425 00:31:13,220 --> 00:31:16,540 - The author of the best seller, Down With Love... - It's Novak! 426 00:31:16,620 --> 00:31:19,020 - "Barbara Novak." 427 00:31:19,100 --> 00:31:21,580 Barbara, I know every woman bought your book... 428 00:31:21,620 --> 00:31:25,700 and every man sneaked out and bought it to find out what their women were reading. 429 00:31:25,740 --> 00:31:27,780 - That's when the sales doubled. 430 00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:30,220 But then they tripled. How did that happen? 431 00:31:30,260 --> 00:31:33,980 It seems that church groups in the Bible belt were so zealous... 432 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:37,060 about being seen burning my book... 433 00:31:37,100 --> 00:31:39,980 that every time they had a bonfire, they would call and reorder... 434 00:31:40,020 --> 00:31:42,740 so that they could have another one. 435 00:31:45,620 --> 00:31:48,300 Now, I've heard a lot of talk about chapter eight... 436 00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:51,220 about the worst kind of man, the kind every woman should avoid. 437 00:31:51,220 --> 00:31:52,700 What's that title again? 438 00:31:52,740 --> 00:31:57,020 "Men who change women as often as they change their shirts." 439 00:31:57,140 --> 00:32:00,420 And have you met a lot of that kind of man in your research? 440 00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:03,860 You're not asking me to name names, are you? 441 00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:06,700 - No, of course not. 442 00:32:06,740 --> 00:32:09,180 Catcher Block. 443 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:11,700 Ohh! 444 00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:19,460 Wow! 445 00:32:19,580 --> 00:32:21,820 Four million women in the naked city... 446 00:32:21,900 --> 00:32:26,300 and the one you let get away, the one you had to get on the bad side of... 447 00:32:26,340 --> 00:32:30,900 is the woman "all" the other four million are listening to. 448 00:32:33,300 --> 00:32:35,780 You blew it, buddy. 449 00:32:35,820 --> 00:32:39,140 The age of Catcher Block, ladies' man, man's man, man about town... 450 00:32:39,220 --> 00:32:41,060 is over! 451 00:32:41,140 --> 00:32:43,100 The king is dead. 452 00:32:43,220 --> 00:32:46,740 I hate to spoil your fun, but the four million women I go out with... 453 00:32:46,780 --> 00:32:48,980 don't listen to Barbara Novak. 454 00:32:52,540 --> 00:32:54,580 Hello. 455 00:32:54,620 --> 00:32:58,580 Hey, Gwendolyn, baby. Where are you? 456 00:32:58,700 --> 00:33:01,860 Then get out of the airport. We have reservations for 10:00. 457 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:05,260 Well, you can't sit in the terminal till 3:00 a.m. 458 00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:07,180 Aren't you going to get hungry? 459 00:33:07,220 --> 00:33:09,100 No, I'm pretty full. 460 00:33:09,140 --> 00:33:12,180 Besides, I have to... catch up on some reading. 461 00:33:12,300 --> 00:33:15,580 Reading? Reading what? 462 00:33:18,900 --> 00:33:20,940 Good night, Gwendolyn. 463 00:33:25,700 --> 00:33:29,940 What's the matter, Catch? Lose another one? 464 00:33:30,020 --> 00:33:33,260 I am going to bury that Novak broad... 465 00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:37,140 and turn this crazy upside "Down" "With Love" world right side up again. 466 00:33:37,260 --> 00:33:39,620 I'm gonna write the expos� of the century... 467 00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:43,300 so the world will know once and for all that deep down all women are the same. 468 00:33:43,380 --> 00:33:45,900 They all want the same thing... love and marriage... 469 00:33:46,020 --> 00:33:48,620 even Miss Barbara "Down With Love'"' Novak. 470 00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,860 And I am going to prove it. 471 00:33:50,980 --> 00:33:53,460 How? Novak won't even see you. 472 00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:55,500 That's right. 473 00:33:55,620 --> 00:33:58,540 That's why Novak won't even see me coming. 474 00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:08,540 Barbara, you're not dressed. Aren't you coming? 475 00:34:08,620 --> 00:34:11,140 No. I'm just gonna stay in tonight. 476 00:34:11,260 --> 00:34:13,140 Why? Because you don't have a date? 477 00:34:13,180 --> 00:34:16,500 My date's a quarterback with 27 teammates. I'm sure he can fix you up. 478 00:34:16,620 --> 00:34:18,420 I'm sure he couldn't. 479 00:34:18,540 --> 00:34:21,980 I am persona non grata to all men. 480 00:34:22,100 --> 00:34:25,540 I can't even get picked up by a taxi driver. 481 00:34:25,580 --> 00:34:28,420 This is crazy. All of this fame and success... 482 00:34:28,540 --> 00:34:32,500 and Miss Sex � La Carte is the only woman who can't have sex � la carte. 483 00:34:32,540 --> 00:34:34,460 At least not on this Earth. 484 00:34:34,580 --> 00:34:38,060 Maybe we could find you an astronaut who's been in orbit the past two weeks. 485 00:34:38,140 --> 00:34:40,740 It's all right, Vikki. I'm perfectly content on my own. 486 00:34:40,860 --> 00:34:44,980 When it comes to not needing a man, you wrote the book. 487 00:35:06,780 --> 00:35:09,580 - Taxi! - Wait. I have to pick up my dry cleaning. 488 00:35:09,660 --> 00:35:11,500 Can't. Gotta get back to the office. 489 00:35:11,620 --> 00:35:13,980 Skip in Research is doing a fact check on Novak... 490 00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:17,220 who she knows, where she goes, what she likes for dinner, what she likes � la carte. 491 00:35:17,260 --> 00:35:20,700 Wh... Two minutes. I waited for you to eat your hot dog. 492 00:35:20,820 --> 00:35:25,180 You're right, Mac. I'll pick up your cleaning. You go back to the office. 493 00:35:25,300 --> 00:35:28,060 Oh, but l... Oh! Ow! 494 00:35:29,220 --> 00:35:32,700 Oh! Make sure they starched the socks! 495 00:35:52,780 --> 00:35:55,380 I'm getting it. You iron. 496 00:35:55,380 --> 00:35:58,420 No, you iron, and I'll spend all day up front... 497 00:35:58,540 --> 00:36:00,340 kibitzing with the customers. 498 00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:02,820 We're equal now. 499 00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:04,860 Again with that book. 500 00:36:13,020 --> 00:36:15,500 "Hello," "Novick"!!" 501 00:36:15,540 --> 00:36:17,740 Hello, Mrs. Litzer. 502 00:36:17,860 --> 00:36:19,660 Where's Mr. Litzer? 503 00:36:19,780 --> 00:36:21,820 He's ironing. 504 00:36:21,860 --> 00:36:25,540 "Irving, say hello to" "Novick"!!" 505 00:36:25,580 --> 00:36:27,740 Hello, "Novick." 506 00:36:27,860 --> 00:36:30,340 I'll get your things, dear. 507 00:36:30,460 --> 00:36:33,380 Thank you. 508 00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:35,380 Yours too, mister. 509 00:36:44,020 --> 00:36:46,820 Pardon me, miss, but you sure look familiar. 510 00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:49,140 - Are you... - Yes, I am. 511 00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:51,060 Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. 512 00:36:51,180 --> 00:36:55,220 Wait till I tell folks back home I took my clothes to the same dry cleaners... 513 00:36:55,300 --> 00:36:57,220 as Miss Kim "Novick." 514 00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:59,700 No, my name is Novak. 515 00:36:59,740 --> 00:37:02,460 Oh, that's right. Miss Kim Novak. 516 00:37:02,580 --> 00:37:06,660 No, no, um, I'm not Kim Novak. I'm Barbara Novak. 517 00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:10,260 Oh. Well, that don't ring a bell. 518 00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:16,540 - You mean, you've never heard of me? - Oh, I'm sorry. 519 00:37:16,580 --> 00:37:20,700 No. No, don't be. I find it very refreshing. 520 00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:23,980 "You"... "Mr. Absentminded Professor." 521 00:37:24,100 --> 00:37:26,580 You left a lot of things in your pocket. 522 00:37:26,580 --> 00:37:28,940 Why, thank you, ma'am. 523 00:37:30,260 --> 00:37:32,340 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 524 00:37:32,340 --> 00:37:35,620 Do you mean that you've never heard of my book... 525 00:37:35,660 --> 00:37:38,140 the worldwide sensation Down With Love? 526 00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:40,860 No, ma'am. I have not. 527 00:37:40,980 --> 00:37:44,260 But lately I've been out of this world. 528 00:37:44,300 --> 00:37:46,380 Oh, look. My NASA security badge. 529 00:37:46,460 --> 00:37:49,620 I've been looking all over for that. 530 00:37:49,620 --> 00:37:52,780 - You're an astronaut? - Why, yes, I am. 531 00:37:52,820 --> 00:37:55,820 Well, what's your name? Maybe I've heard of you. 532 00:37:57,300 --> 00:38:00,420 - Zip. - Zip... 533 00:38:02,940 --> 00:38:05,500 Martin. Major Zip Martin. 534 00:38:05,540 --> 00:38:08,740 Well, tell me, Major... 535 00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:13,260 are those parties in Cocoa Beach as wild and uncivilized as they seem? 536 00:38:13,340 --> 00:38:16,900 Oh, I couldn't say, ma'am. I'm not much for going to parties. 537 00:38:16,940 --> 00:38:19,260 My idea of a good time... 538 00:38:19,300 --> 00:38:22,820 is to sit at home with a good book... 539 00:38:22,860 --> 00:38:25,140 and smoke my pipe. 540 00:38:25,260 --> 00:38:29,820 Pay later. Irving's burning the ironing. 541 00:38:29,940 --> 00:38:32,300 Pardon me, miss. 542 00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:39,820 - Oh! We're stuck together. - We're... 543 00:38:39,860 --> 00:38:41,900 Let me fix that. 544 00:38:45,980 --> 00:38:48,180 There you go, Miss Novak. 545 00:38:55,900 --> 00:38:57,500 Well... 546 00:38:59,260 --> 00:39:00,820 good-bye. 547 00:39:02,460 --> 00:39:05,180 One, two, three, four. 548 00:39:05,220 --> 00:39:07,100 Zip! 549 00:39:07,140 --> 00:39:09,060 Yes, Miss Novak? 550 00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:12,900 Well, I don't suppose that you're staying in New York. 551 00:39:13,020 --> 00:39:14,980 Why, yes, I am. 552 00:39:15,100 --> 00:39:17,820 NASA sent me here to work on a special project. 553 00:39:17,860 --> 00:39:19,740 Top-secret project. 554 00:39:19,780 --> 00:39:22,340 Oh? 555 00:39:22,460 --> 00:39:25,620 - Can you keep a secret? - Yes. 556 00:39:25,660 --> 00:39:30,020 Me too. Gee, it sure seems like we got a lot in common. 557 00:39:30,140 --> 00:39:33,220 Why, yes, it does. 558 00:39:33,340 --> 00:39:36,980 It might be nice to see just what we have in common... 559 00:39:37,020 --> 00:39:39,940 and what we have that's different. 560 00:39:40,060 --> 00:39:42,220 I'm sorry? 561 00:39:42,260 --> 00:39:45,700 Would you like to go to my place and get to know each other... 562 00:39:45,820 --> 00:39:47,620 a little better? 563 00:39:47,740 --> 00:39:50,380 - A little better? - Lot better. 564 00:39:50,460 --> 00:39:54,460 - A lot better than what? - All the way better. 565 00:39:54,580 --> 00:39:56,380 Oh, gee, no. 566 00:39:56,500 --> 00:39:59,620 Now, I couldn't do that. 567 00:39:59,660 --> 00:40:02,700 Why, I couldn't get to know you all the way better... 568 00:40:02,820 --> 00:40:05,540 until I knew you much, "much" better. 569 00:40:05,580 --> 00:40:08,580 Do you think that you know me well enough... 570 00:40:08,700 --> 00:40:10,540 to let me buy you a drink? 571 00:40:10,620 --> 00:40:13,660 Well... 572 00:40:13,780 --> 00:40:16,300 I'd sure love a Tang. 573 00:40:25,220 --> 00:40:27,100 Lose another pair of glasses? 574 00:40:27,140 --> 00:40:29,020 No, I'm keeping a low profile. 575 00:40:29,060 --> 00:40:32,420 - Vikki's over there with some guy. - That's not some guy. 576 00:40:32,460 --> 00:40:34,900 That's Johnny Trementus, the quarterback. 577 00:40:34,940 --> 00:40:38,660 - 1,432 complete passes. - Is he going for 1,433? 578 00:40:38,740 --> 00:40:42,060 Well, Vikki's left herself wide open... 579 00:40:42,140 --> 00:40:44,100 but Trementus surprisingly fumbles. 580 00:40:44,220 --> 00:40:46,940 Now what's he doing... in laymen's terms? 581 00:40:46,980 --> 00:40:49,540 - He's leaving. Now's your chance. - I can't go over there. 582 00:40:49,580 --> 00:40:52,340 - She hates me. - She doesn't hate you. She hates me. 583 00:40:52,340 --> 00:40:55,500 Stop warming the bench and get in the game. 584 00:40:55,580 --> 00:40:58,900 "Once you run my Novak expos�, she" will hate you, and the clock will have run out. 585 00:40:58,940 --> 00:41:02,340 - Can't you get off your Novak warpath? - "Nope." 586 00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:06,460 I've got her surrounded, and it won't take a surprise attack to enter her teepee. 587 00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:10,940 "I'm telling you," Kemosabe, "you want" "big" wampum, "make Vikki love you now." 588 00:41:10,980 --> 00:41:14,380 Okay, enough with the football talk! I'm going. 589 00:41:18,260 --> 00:41:19,340 - There you are, Monsieur Block. - Ah, thanks, Henri. 590 00:41:19,340 --> 00:41:20,820 - There you are, Monsieur Block. - Ah, thanks, Henri. 591 00:41:20,860 --> 00:41:24,460 Only, from now on it's... Major Zip Martin. 592 00:41:24,580 --> 00:41:26,940 - Ah. - Spread the word to the other ma�tre d's... 593 00:41:27,020 --> 00:41:29,740 the doorman, theater ushers and taxi drivers. 594 00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:32,380 "Oui, oui." Done. 595 00:41:32,500 --> 00:41:35,380 Uh... Major. 596 00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:38,380 It'll be all right, MacMannus. Just be normal. 597 00:41:38,420 --> 00:41:40,340 Be cool. 598 00:41:43,260 --> 00:41:46,420 Hello... Vikki. 599 00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:48,420 Hello, Peter. 600 00:41:54,100 --> 00:41:56,540 Are you in love with that football player? 601 00:41:56,620 --> 00:41:58,540 Not anymore. 602 00:41:58,580 --> 00:42:02,700 "He only wanted one thing"... to slip me his manuscript. 603 00:42:02,740 --> 00:42:06,260 He didn't even have the professional courtesy to try and seduce me first. 604 00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:09,020 The men who resent my success won't give me the time of day. 605 00:42:09,100 --> 00:42:13,100 And the men who respect my success won't give me the time of night. 606 00:42:13,100 --> 00:42:15,580 I don't know about other men, but I swear... 607 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:20,380 if I had the chance, I would respect "and" resent you night and day, day and night. 608 00:42:20,420 --> 00:42:22,700 - Peter, you would? - You bet. 609 00:42:22,740 --> 00:42:24,660 You're on. 610 00:42:29,140 --> 00:42:32,140 - Oh, Zip, isn't this exciting" 611 00:42:32,180 --> 00:42:36,020 We must be the only two people in New York who haven't seen "Camelot" yet. 612 00:42:36,140 --> 00:42:38,340 - You're not just being nice. 613 00:42:38,380 --> 00:42:40,260 You really haven't seen it either? 614 00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:43,860 Oh, I can honestly say I have never "seen" this show. 615 00:44:09,140 --> 00:44:10,940 - " Mr. Block?" 616 00:44:11,060 --> 00:44:13,820 - Mr. McNulty to see you. - Send him in. 617 00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:19,860 McNulty, good. Look, this should cover your up-front expenses. 618 00:44:19,900 --> 00:44:22,780 Go up to Maine, get me all the dirt on Novak. 619 00:44:22,860 --> 00:44:26,060 No girl like that would swear off love just to get ahead in the workforce. 620 00:44:26,140 --> 00:44:28,500 Somewhere, some time, some guy hurt her. 621 00:44:28,620 --> 00:44:32,220 I need to find him so I can prove I'm right and nail my expos�. 622 00:44:32,340 --> 00:44:35,500 Gladly. That broad's book is bad for business. 623 00:44:35,540 --> 00:44:37,980 Husbands don't want their wives tailed anymore. 624 00:44:38,060 --> 00:44:40,860 They know if she's sneaking out now, she's just looking for a job. 625 00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:44,940 Hello. Mac. 626 00:44:45,060 --> 00:44:47,820 Mac. Mac, calm down. 627 00:44:47,940 --> 00:44:51,100 Ma... Okay, I'll be right over. 628 00:44:51,140 --> 00:44:53,620 Quick, taste my sauce. Too tart? 629 00:44:53,740 --> 00:44:56,740 - This is your big emergency? - Yes! 630 00:44:56,780 --> 00:44:58,700 I invited Vikki to dinner. 631 00:44:58,820 --> 00:45:02,500 It has to be perfect so she'll find me irresistible and I can make my big move. 632 00:45:02,540 --> 00:45:05,580 You could have made your big move three weeks ago. I keep telling you. 633 00:45:05,660 --> 00:45:08,700 That's these "Down With Love" girls' claim to fame... 634 00:45:08,820 --> 00:45:10,620 one date, no waiting. 635 00:45:10,740 --> 00:45:14,700 These "Down With Love" girls may be used to having sex the way a man does, but I'm not. 636 00:45:14,740 --> 00:45:16,620 Too sweet? 637 00:45:18,660 --> 00:45:22,820 So I guess you and Novak have been very "down with love." 638 00:45:22,860 --> 00:45:26,900 I mean, you've had what... 29 dates in 23 days? 639 00:45:26,940 --> 00:45:29,820 Yeah, but I'm trying to get her not to want to have sex with me. 640 00:45:29,940 --> 00:45:32,660 These days you've really got to play your cards right to get a girl to say no. 641 00:45:32,700 --> 00:45:35,260 Or maybe you just like spending time with her. 642 00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:39,260 Maybe the necessity of all this chastity and monogamy... 643 00:45:39,300 --> 00:45:42,940 has made you realize that Barbara Novak is your ideal potential lover. 644 00:45:42,980 --> 00:45:45,860 Come back to Earth, buddy boy. Your cake's burning. 645 00:45:52,260 --> 00:45:55,140 So this is how a guy like you does it, huh? 646 00:45:55,180 --> 00:45:58,020 No, I don't do it, but if I did do it, I'd do what I'm doing. 647 00:45:58,060 --> 00:45:59,980 Which reminds me of something I didn't do. 648 00:45:59,980 --> 00:46:03,540 - I have to call Vikki and give her my address. - I've got a better idea. 649 00:46:03,660 --> 00:46:08,060 Invite Vikki to my place, make like it's yours. You know where I keep the spare key. 650 00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:10,940 You'd let me use the key you leave out for your girlfriends? 651 00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:12,860 Somebody might as well. 652 00:46:12,980 --> 00:46:15,780 It's gathering dust since Novak hit the best-seller list. 653 00:46:15,900 --> 00:46:19,220 - But I invited Vikki for a home-cooked meal. - Trust me. 654 00:46:19,340 --> 00:46:23,620 Ten minutes in my apartment, and you'll both forget all about dinner. 655 00:46:24,780 --> 00:46:26,700 Ten minutes? 656 00:46:26,740 --> 00:46:29,340 Ten minutes. 657 00:46:43,620 --> 00:46:46,220 - Hello. - Hello, Barbara. It's Zip. 658 00:46:46,300 --> 00:46:48,140 Hello, Zip. 659 00:46:48,220 --> 00:46:51,980 I was wondering if I could ask you to do me a very special favor. 660 00:46:52,060 --> 00:46:54,060 Sure, Zip. Anything. 661 00:46:54,180 --> 00:46:57,020 Well, I know we planned to go out, but... 662 00:46:57,060 --> 00:46:59,500 - well, I thought it might be fun to stay in. 663 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:02,540 I'm in the mood for a home-cooked meal. 664 00:47:02,660 --> 00:47:06,740 Major Martin, I have no desire to stay cooped up in the kitchen... 665 00:47:06,780 --> 00:47:10,620 slaving over a hot stove and a sink full of dirty dishes. 666 00:47:10,660 --> 00:47:14,420 Oh, no, Barbara. You misunderstood. 667 00:47:14,460 --> 00:47:16,940 When I said a home-cooked meal... 668 00:47:17,060 --> 00:47:21,340 I meant at my place... I wanted to serve you. 669 00:47:21,420 --> 00:47:24,220 Oh, Zip. 670 00:47:24,340 --> 00:47:26,940 No man has ever done this for me before. 671 00:47:26,980 --> 00:47:29,420 How thoughtful. 672 00:47:29,420 --> 00:47:32,140 - Well. - And considerate. 673 00:47:32,260 --> 00:47:34,060 It's my pleasure. 674 00:47:34,180 --> 00:47:37,940 Oh, no, no, no. It's mine. 675 00:47:37,940 --> 00:47:41,460 - So, you'd like to come? - Oh, yes. 676 00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:44,500 Yes. Yes. 677 00:47:44,620 --> 00:47:47,020 I can't wait. 678 00:47:51,380 --> 00:47:53,700 Seventy-third and Park. And Barbara? 679 00:47:53,820 --> 00:47:58,260 - Yes, Zip? - Thank you for being so flexible. 680 00:47:58,340 --> 00:48:00,980 No, Zip. Thank you. 681 00:48:18,380 --> 00:48:20,980 Oh, Zip! 682 00:48:21,100 --> 00:48:23,980 Everything looks divine. 683 00:48:25,620 --> 00:48:27,980 I have a funny feeling that you've done... 684 00:48:28,020 --> 00:48:30,740 quite a bit of entertaining for two here. 685 00:48:30,860 --> 00:48:33,700 Oh, I can honestly say that until you... 686 00:48:33,740 --> 00:48:37,300 I haven't done any entertaining for two here at all. 687 00:48:37,420 --> 00:48:39,780 You're certainly not the average astronaut. 688 00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:43,740 Oh, I get so tired of all that freeze-dried food. 689 00:48:43,860 --> 00:48:46,380 After a steady diet of pellet steak... 690 00:48:46,460 --> 00:48:48,300 and potato tablets... 691 00:48:48,380 --> 00:48:52,220 you yearn for something hot to sink your teeth into. 692 00:48:56,220 --> 00:48:59,140 Well, you've whetted my appetite. 693 00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:02,980 It's not just your cooking. 694 00:49:04,980 --> 00:49:07,500 You are so well-rounded. 695 00:49:08,620 --> 00:49:12,700 Your collection of art and antiques. 696 00:49:12,740 --> 00:49:15,140 You've made a real home here. 697 00:49:15,180 --> 00:49:18,620 Well, Earth still is my favorite planet. 698 00:49:18,740 --> 00:49:21,460 No, I meant here, in New York. 699 00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:23,380 Oh. 700 00:49:23,420 --> 00:49:26,580 Most bachelors in this city are only interested in an apartment... 701 00:49:26,700 --> 00:49:29,580 that comes fully loaded with every gadget and contraption... 702 00:49:29,580 --> 00:49:33,140 man has invented to snare a woman. 703 00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:39,300 I don't understand this, Peter. How does a person lose their built-in bar? 704 00:49:39,420 --> 00:49:43,460 I swear, it was here a minute ago. 705 00:49:45,300 --> 00:49:48,260 - Ohh! 706 00:49:57,660 --> 00:50:01,300 Hey. Found it. Vikki? 707 00:50:01,380 --> 00:50:04,420 Where are you? 708 00:50:04,540 --> 00:50:08,940 - " I don't know." 709 00:50:10,260 --> 00:50:12,740 Oh. 710 00:50:15,220 --> 00:50:19,340 Peter, your couch was all over me like some animal. 711 00:50:19,380 --> 00:50:23,180 - Who knew you were so dangerous? - I'm sorry. 712 00:50:23,220 --> 00:50:26,260 Uh, I know I seem a little disoriented. 713 00:50:26,340 --> 00:50:29,220 Guess I tasted too much sherry while I was cooking. 714 00:50:29,340 --> 00:50:33,220 You cooked for me? No man has ever done that for me before. 715 00:50:33,260 --> 00:50:35,660 I'm famished. 716 00:50:35,700 --> 00:50:38,980 Actually, I didn't cook... here... 717 00:50:39,020 --> 00:50:41,540 at my apartment... for us. 718 00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:46,380 I cooked... at Catch's apartment for... Catch. 719 00:50:46,420 --> 00:50:50,340 - Oh. - But you've only been here a minute. 720 00:50:50,380 --> 00:50:53,940 Let's make it 10 and see if we forget all about dinner. 721 00:50:59,020 --> 00:51:01,900 - " Are those your parents?" - No. Those are Catch's parents. 722 00:51:01,900 --> 00:51:05,060 Why do you have a picture of Catch's parents? 723 00:51:06,100 --> 00:51:09,140 Let's listen to some music. 724 00:51:22,580 --> 00:51:27,100 "## 725 00:51:30,380 --> 00:51:32,900 It's all right. It's all right. 726 00:51:32,980 --> 00:51:35,620 Ooh! 727 00:51:35,660 --> 00:51:37,820 - Ooh! 728 00:51:41,780 --> 00:51:44,540 Ooh! 729 00:51:44,580 --> 00:51:48,420 I can't do this for eight more minutes. Let's go eat. 730 00:51:55,260 --> 00:51:58,380 - " How's that Oh." 731 00:51:58,380 --> 00:52:01,380 You tell me when it's good for you. 732 00:52:01,420 --> 00:52:05,780 Put your hand on it and guide me till I got it in the right spot. 733 00:52:05,900 --> 00:52:09,500 Almost. Almost. 734 00:52:09,620 --> 00:52:11,580 Oh, Zip. 735 00:52:11,700 --> 00:52:16,940 I've done this a lot before, of course, but never with such a powerful instrument. 736 00:52:17,060 --> 00:52:21,620 That's it. 737 00:52:21,700 --> 00:52:25,540 It's perfectly clear. 738 00:52:28,580 --> 00:52:32,540 Oh, Zip, I've never seen anything so beautiful... 739 00:52:32,580 --> 00:52:34,700 in all my life. 740 00:52:34,740 --> 00:52:38,980 - Neither have I. - You're not even looking through the telescope. 741 00:52:39,020 --> 00:52:41,460 I know. 742 00:52:59,460 --> 00:53:02,580 This chocolate souffl� is delicious, Zip. 743 00:53:02,700 --> 00:53:05,220 You've really outdone yourself. 744 00:53:05,340 --> 00:53:08,380 - I wanted the perfect end to the perfect evening. - Mm. 745 00:53:08,500 --> 00:53:11,660 I've never been more ready to go to bed. 746 00:53:11,780 --> 00:53:16,180 Oh, Zip, I'm so glad that you feel that way. 747 00:53:16,260 --> 00:53:20,380 - You know that I feel the same way? - Well, then, let's get to bed. 748 00:53:20,420 --> 00:53:24,100 - I'll call you a taxi. 749 00:53:25,900 --> 00:53:29,620 - Taxi" 750 00:53:29,700 --> 00:53:35,340 Oh, when I said bed, you thought I meant "bed." 751 00:53:35,380 --> 00:53:38,220 Oh, Barbara, I'm so sorry. 752 00:53:38,260 --> 00:53:41,140 This is only the first time you've ever been to my home, and where I come from... 753 00:53:41,140 --> 00:53:44,820 It's all right, Zip. 754 00:53:44,940 --> 00:53:49,180 It's all right. Um, it's better this way. 755 00:53:50,740 --> 00:53:54,940 Let's, um... Let's just say good night... 756 00:53:56,780 --> 00:53:58,980 and good-bye. 757 00:53:59,100 --> 00:54:02,340 - Good-bye? You mean for good? - I'm afraid so, Zip. 758 00:54:02,380 --> 00:54:05,140 You see, I'm beginning to feel... 759 00:54:05,260 --> 00:54:08,020 Well, I'm beginning to "feel." 760 00:54:08,140 --> 00:54:11,820 Well, couldn't you give me just one more chance? 761 00:54:11,860 --> 00:54:15,700 Oh, I'd like to, Zip, really, I would... 762 00:54:15,740 --> 00:54:18,580 but just the fact that I'd like to give you another chance... 763 00:54:18,700 --> 00:54:22,700 is the very reason why I absolutely must not. 764 00:54:53,980 --> 00:54:56,940 Okay. One more chance. 765 00:54:59,820 --> 00:55:03,980 I'll just, um... 766 00:55:04,100 --> 00:55:06,700 Hmm. 767 00:56:11,820 --> 00:56:14,780 - Peter? - You rang? 768 00:56:14,900 --> 00:56:17,740 No. I used my key, Maynard. How did everyone else get in here? 769 00:56:17,780 --> 00:56:21,060 I took Vikki down to the Village for a demitasse. Crazy! 770 00:56:21,100 --> 00:56:24,660 And then the coffeehouse got raided, so I moved the scene uptown. 771 00:56:24,780 --> 00:56:28,460 - You dig, Daddy-O? - Oh, I do dig. 772 00:56:28,460 --> 00:56:33,540 And after being grounded for 24 days, this astronaut is ready to blast off. 773 00:56:38,780 --> 00:56:42,300 - Ask me why I mourn. - Why do you mourn, baby? 774 00:56:42,340 --> 00:56:45,300 I mourn because you are shrouded in the suit and tie... 775 00:56:45,340 --> 00:56:47,940 that Madison Avenue will bury you in alive. 776 00:56:47,980 --> 00:56:51,780 Well, if it'll cheer you up, you can help me out of it. 777 00:57:05,100 --> 00:57:06,220 - Hi! - Hi! Coffee? 778 00:57:06,220 --> 00:57:08,820 - Hi! - Hi! Coffee? 779 00:57:08,940 --> 00:57:12,100 So, this is a beatnik party. 780 00:57:12,220 --> 00:57:14,540 - Isn't it a gas? - Yes! 781 00:57:14,540 --> 00:57:18,380 Oh, I'm so glad you called. After the date I had tonight, I really didn't want to be alone. 782 00:57:18,380 --> 00:57:21,540 Well, you won't need an astronaut to find a date here. Everyone's in orbit. 783 00:57:21,540 --> 00:57:25,700 So, should I introduce myself to the host, or is that too Establishment? 784 00:57:25,780 --> 00:57:28,420 You know the host. This is Peter's place. 785 00:57:28,500 --> 00:57:31,420 - Catcher Block's not going to be here, is he? - Oh, not to worry. 786 00:57:31,540 --> 00:57:33,940 Everyone here is a total stranger. 787 00:57:34,020 --> 00:57:36,900 Go throw your coat on the bed, and let's join the bash! 788 00:57:44,740 --> 00:57:47,100 Oh, excuse me. 789 00:57:47,180 --> 00:57:49,660 - Catch. - Yes? 790 00:57:51,300 --> 00:57:53,220 Zip? 791 00:57:53,340 --> 00:57:57,340 Barbara. Barbara, wait. 792 00:57:57,380 --> 00:58:00,260 - Barbara! 793 00:58:00,380 --> 00:58:04,620 - Barbara, wait! I can explain. - "You don't have to explain." 794 00:58:04,620 --> 00:58:08,740 You said you were ready for bed. I'm glad you ran into someone to take to bed with you. 795 00:58:08,860 --> 00:58:12,420 - But it wasn't like that. I don't even know her. - Oh, really! 796 00:58:12,540 --> 00:58:14,780 I mean, I didn't know what I was doin'. 797 00:58:14,860 --> 00:58:18,180 And yet her hat's off to you anyway! 798 00:58:18,180 --> 00:58:20,380 What? 799 00:58:30,140 --> 00:58:33,260 - Good night, miss. 800 00:58:34,540 --> 00:58:36,940 Good night, Major Martin. 801 00:58:36,980 --> 00:58:39,820 Barbara, you gotta believe me. I did not know what was happening. 802 00:58:39,860 --> 00:58:43,820 The minute I got here, that girl filled my pipe with some tobacco she bought in San Francisco. 803 00:58:43,860 --> 00:58:46,620 After that, everything went hoo-whee! 804 00:58:46,700 --> 00:58:50,460 - You mean she drugged you? - All the way into that bedroom. 805 00:58:50,580 --> 00:58:53,980 Wait a minute. What were you doing at a party like that? 806 00:58:54,100 --> 00:58:57,260 I had no idea there was gonna be a party here. 807 00:58:57,300 --> 00:59:01,420 I got a call after you left to tell me to come to this publisher's apartment... 808 00:59:01,420 --> 00:59:05,540 to meet some journalist who wanted to do a cover story on my NASA top-secret project. 809 00:59:05,660 --> 00:59:10,060 - Some guy named Snitch or Snatch. - Catch? Catcher Block? 810 00:59:10,140 --> 00:59:14,300 Maybe. Anyway, I rush over here, and that guy does not even show up. 811 00:59:14,340 --> 00:59:17,980 - Don't you see? You were set up. - No! 812 00:59:18,020 --> 00:59:21,180 Yes! Catcher Block invited you here... 813 00:59:21,260 --> 00:59:25,020 under false pretenses so he could do one of his famous expos�s... 814 00:59:25,100 --> 00:59:28,660 on how NASA's top-secret New York project... 815 00:59:28,700 --> 00:59:31,860 is just one big, drug-infested beatnik shindig. 816 00:59:31,900 --> 00:59:34,740 - Oh, that's low! - That's Catcher Block! 817 00:59:34,860 --> 00:59:39,140 - "That's how he operates!" - Oh, Barbara, I'm so sorry. 818 00:59:39,140 --> 00:59:43,500 I just feel like such "a" easily tricked hick... 819 00:59:43,620 --> 00:59:48,140 and then you went and made the trick seem so obvious. 820 00:59:48,180 --> 00:59:53,020 Oh, Zip, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. 821 00:59:53,100 --> 00:59:56,540 I didn't mean to make you feel mad. 822 00:59:56,580 --> 00:59:59,540 Oh, this is terrible. 823 00:59:59,660 --> 01:00:03,300 We're behaving just like two people in love. 824 01:00:05,060 --> 01:00:07,660 Which means this argument was the final straw. This has to be the end. 825 01:00:07,660 --> 01:00:10,140 Or just the beginning. Holy cow. 826 01:00:10,220 --> 01:00:14,940 This argument has made me realize that I must really care about you. 827 01:00:15,020 --> 01:00:18,100 I'm finally ready to get to know you better. 828 01:00:18,220 --> 01:00:20,260 How much better? 829 01:00:20,380 --> 01:00:22,700 All the way better. 830 01:00:22,740 --> 01:00:26,540 - Really? - I'm sorry I have to say this, Barbara... 831 01:00:26,580 --> 01:00:30,980 but... I love you. 832 01:00:31,060 --> 01:00:34,940 Well, I don't have any rules... 833 01:00:35,060 --> 01:00:37,020 against men falling in love. 834 01:00:37,100 --> 01:00:40,420 So I can make love to you... 835 01:00:40,540 --> 01:00:45,220 heartfelt, passionate, worshipping, adoring love... 836 01:00:45,220 --> 01:00:47,860 and you could still have meaningless sex with me, right? 837 01:00:47,980 --> 01:00:50,300 Yes. 838 01:00:50,340 --> 01:00:53,420 So are we still on for tomorrow night? 839 01:00:53,460 --> 01:00:55,620 Yes. 840 01:00:55,660 --> 01:00:58,500 Oh, yes. 841 01:01:00,860 --> 01:01:03,980 That pink book is ruining my life! 842 01:01:04,020 --> 01:01:06,780 Woman acts as if she has a mind of her own. 843 01:01:06,860 --> 01:01:08,860 She refuses my advances. 844 01:01:08,940 --> 01:01:11,820 This goes straight to the sanctity of a man's most fundamental right. 845 01:01:11,860 --> 01:01:13,780 All our wives are giving us trouble. 846 01:01:13,900 --> 01:01:16,740 I'm not talking about my wife. I'm talking about my mistress. 847 01:01:17,780 --> 01:01:20,660 I want that Vikki Hiller fired! 848 01:01:20,740 --> 01:01:24,580 But you can't fire her now, T.B. 849 01:01:24,580 --> 01:01:27,620 How would it look? 850 01:01:27,740 --> 01:01:30,500 She is the most celebrated editor in the business. 851 01:01:30,500 --> 01:01:32,420 You're my creative team. 852 01:01:32,420 --> 01:01:34,860 Create a reason to get rid of her... 853 01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:37,620 or I'll create a new creative team. 854 01:01:43,940 --> 01:01:48,180 - Good morning, gentlemen. 855 01:01:48,300 --> 01:01:50,100 Do you know why it's good? 856 01:01:50,220 --> 01:01:53,540 Because this is the morning I tell Theodore Banner that my fellow senior editors... 857 01:01:53,580 --> 01:01:56,940 are going to treat me like more than just a titular senior editor... 858 01:01:56,980 --> 01:02:00,260 or I quit. 859 01:02:07,300 --> 01:02:10,700 I should've known the top dog would be a rat. 860 01:02:10,820 --> 01:02:13,260 He's a man. I hate men. 861 01:02:13,300 --> 01:02:16,980 For as man-crazy as I've been my whole life, I sure can't stand 'em. 862 01:02:17,100 --> 01:02:21,260 - I think I'll just get married. - You're upset. You'll find another job. 863 01:02:21,340 --> 01:02:22,940 I don't want another job. 864 01:02:23,020 --> 01:02:26,780 I'm sorry, but I don't wanna be a "Down With Love" girl anymore. 865 01:02:26,860 --> 01:02:32,380 I give up. I give in. I just wanna be Mrs. Peter MacMannus. 866 01:02:32,460 --> 01:02:33,860 Really? 867 01:02:33,980 --> 01:02:37,180 At least then there'd be one man I could tell what to do. 868 01:02:37,260 --> 01:02:40,460 Anyway. There. I've said it. 869 01:02:40,460 --> 01:02:44,660 - If you also want me to resign as your friend, I understand. - Oh, Vikki, no! 870 01:02:44,700 --> 01:02:47,140 How could I possibly accept your resignation now... 871 01:02:47,180 --> 01:02:49,500 when I need a friend more than ever? 872 01:02:49,540 --> 01:02:53,860 You see, I have a confession to make too. 873 01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:57,580 I'm not a "Down With Love" girl either. I'm a woman who's fallen in love. 874 01:02:57,620 --> 01:03:01,020 And I'm gonna tell him. And tonight's the night. 875 01:03:01,140 --> 01:03:03,940 - Tonight? - Yep. 876 01:03:04,020 --> 01:03:07,620 Tonight's the night Barbara Novak is going down. 877 01:03:07,620 --> 01:03:09,820 I've got her exactly where I want her. 878 01:03:09,900 --> 01:03:12,420 She was saying yes, but any man could tell she really meant no. 879 01:03:12,540 --> 01:03:16,100 - Uh-oh. - Here's the title to next month's cover story... 880 01:03:16,100 --> 01:03:20,380 "Catcher Block on Barbara Novak: Penetrating the Myth." 881 01:03:20,460 --> 01:03:23,260 We'll have to sell it in a brown wrapper. 882 01:03:23,340 --> 01:03:25,180 I'm taking her to my place, which she still thinks is your place... 883 01:03:25,260 --> 01:03:28,420 by saying the guy she thinks I am, who acts like you, has a meeting there with you... 884 01:03:28,460 --> 01:03:30,500 and the guy who she still doesn't know I really am. 885 01:03:30,620 --> 01:03:34,260 - What do I have to say? - You don't say a word. 886 01:03:34,340 --> 01:03:37,500 Gotcha. So this is it? Tonight's the night? 887 01:03:37,540 --> 01:03:39,420 I have to have my big night with Vikki... 888 01:03:39,460 --> 01:03:41,620 the same time you're having your big night with Novak... 889 01:03:41,740 --> 01:03:44,620 that will ruin Novak and Vikki and everything Vikki's ever worked for. 890 01:03:44,660 --> 01:03:48,060 You're putting me under an enormous amount of pressure, enough to make a man explode. 891 01:03:48,180 --> 01:03:52,700 Finally. Here's to tonight. 892 01:06:04,780 --> 01:06:09,260 - I hope you don't mind this detour. 893 01:06:09,340 --> 01:06:13,740 I only mind if Peter MacMannus is wasting your time. 894 01:06:13,860 --> 01:06:15,980 Oh. 895 01:06:16,060 --> 01:06:18,100 "Dear Zip, something came up. 896 01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:21,180 Accept my apologies with the champagne inside." 897 01:06:21,260 --> 01:06:23,100 Typical. 898 01:06:23,180 --> 01:06:26,220 Well, we might as well crack the champagne. 899 01:06:26,260 --> 01:06:29,500 - We'll only be 10 minutes. - Ten minutes? 900 01:06:29,540 --> 01:06:31,980 Ten minutes. 901 01:06:38,300 --> 01:06:40,860 - Peter, are you all right? You seem nervous. - I don't seem guilty. 902 01:06:40,900 --> 01:06:44,700 - What would I seem guilty about? - I didn't say guilty. I said nervous. 903 01:06:44,740 --> 01:06:47,340 - Are you accusing me of keeping something from you? - Peter, calm down. 904 01:06:47,380 --> 01:06:51,580 It's all right. You're not keeping anything from me. I already know. 905 01:06:51,620 --> 01:06:54,500 - What? - I know all about it. I've known all along. 906 01:06:54,620 --> 01:06:58,060 - You have? - Yes. And so what? 907 01:06:58,140 --> 01:07:01,180 So you're a homosexual hopelessly in love with Catcher Block. 908 01:07:01,300 --> 01:07:05,060 - That's no reason the two of us can't be married. - What? I'm not a homosexual! 909 01:07:05,180 --> 01:07:07,620 Oh, Peter, come on! 910 01:07:07,660 --> 01:07:11,660 The cooking for Catch at his place? The pictures of Catch's parents at your place? 911 01:07:11,740 --> 01:07:14,500 Believe me. If there'd been any other explanation, I would've found it. 912 01:07:14,620 --> 01:07:19,300 At one point, I even convinced myself that life was all one big, zany sex comedy... 913 01:07:19,300 --> 01:07:22,580 and you had switched keys with the lead to use his swinging pad to snare me. 914 01:07:22,700 --> 01:07:24,940 I did! I did switch keys with the lead! 915 01:07:24,940 --> 01:07:28,380 Oh, please! If that's not what you feel guilty about, then what is? 916 01:07:28,500 --> 01:07:31,940 That Catcher Block is privately tricking Barbara Novak so he can publicly destroy her... 917 01:07:32,020 --> 01:07:34,820 with one of his expos�s. 918 01:07:34,900 --> 01:07:38,620 What? And you've known about this all along? Where are they? 919 01:07:38,660 --> 01:07:40,580 His place... uh, my place. 920 01:07:40,660 --> 01:07:42,780 Uh, his place. 921 01:07:42,860 --> 01:07:46,620 Good-bye, Peter. The wedding is off! 922 01:07:46,700 --> 01:07:50,340 Vikki, wait! Let me explain! 923 01:07:52,900 --> 01:07:55,740 Where's my geisha? I need my shoes. 924 01:08:00,980 --> 01:08:03,580 Now, let me see if I have this. 925 01:08:03,620 --> 01:08:06,180 The first switch starts the hi-fi. 926 01:08:06,220 --> 01:08:10,340 The second switch lowers the lights. Do you wanna go for broke? 927 01:08:10,340 --> 01:08:14,740 - I'm game if you are. 928 01:08:39,140 --> 01:08:42,260 You have an eyelash. 929 01:08:43,500 --> 01:08:46,140 Make a wish. 930 01:08:51,060 --> 01:08:55,180 - What? - Funny... the way that you said "lash." 931 01:08:55,180 --> 01:08:58,340 - It sounded like you had a different accent. - Ohh. 932 01:09:00,100 --> 01:09:03,100 That is funny! 933 01:09:03,140 --> 01:09:06,660 Anyway, this definitely is a woman-snaring bachelor pad... 934 01:09:06,700 --> 01:09:10,140 fully loaded to get you in the mood. 935 01:09:10,220 --> 01:09:13,940 Are you in the mood, Zip? 936 01:09:18,100 --> 01:09:21,380 Yes, Barbara, I am. 937 01:09:35,340 --> 01:09:37,180 Mm. 938 01:09:37,260 --> 01:09:40,180 Oh. Oh. 939 01:09:40,300 --> 01:09:43,140 - Darling 940 01:09:43,180 --> 01:09:45,060 - No. - No? 941 01:09:45,100 --> 01:09:47,260 After you've waited all this time, and now you're saying no? 942 01:09:47,300 --> 01:09:51,460 - Yes. There's something I wanna tell you. - Oh. 943 01:09:55,620 --> 01:10:00,020 - Yes, Barbara Novak, tell me anything. 944 01:10:00,060 --> 01:10:03,620 - I love you. - Tell me how much, Barbara Novak. 945 01:10:03,740 --> 01:10:07,340 Too much. Ohh. 946 01:10:07,420 --> 01:10:09,820 Too much. Too much to have sex with you. 947 01:10:09,940 --> 01:10:13,820 Right. Because you are Barbara Novak. 948 01:10:13,900 --> 01:10:16,940 - Mm. - Author of "Down With Love." 949 01:10:17,060 --> 01:10:21,060 And you do not believe in having sex with feelings. 950 01:10:21,180 --> 01:10:24,900 No. That's not why I want you to stop. 951 01:10:24,980 --> 01:10:29,020 I want you to stop because I love you too much to have sex without marrying you. 952 01:10:29,140 --> 01:10:34,220 I want what every woman wants: Love and marriage. 953 01:10:34,300 --> 01:10:39,180 I'm not a "Down With Love" girl. I'm not the girl you think I am. 954 01:10:39,300 --> 01:10:42,180 Oh, you are exactly the girl I think you are. 955 01:10:55,780 --> 01:10:59,460 - Catcher Block! 956 01:10:59,460 --> 01:11:01,540 You're getting sloppy! 957 01:11:01,660 --> 01:11:05,220 Leaving a key on the outside when you're busy on the inside? 958 01:11:05,340 --> 01:11:09,700 Oh, why the long faces? We're all equal, self-reliant citizens of the world here. 959 01:11:09,740 --> 01:11:11,620 I know I am, and heaven knows all men are. 960 01:11:11,660 --> 01:11:14,500 And you're with Catch Block, so I hope you are. 961 01:11:14,540 --> 01:11:18,060 Anyway, I just popped by for a little sex � la carte. 962 01:11:18,100 --> 01:11:22,780 But since you're busy, I'll just ring up my crew captain at the hotel. 963 01:11:23,740 --> 01:11:28,540 - Cheerio! 964 01:11:33,020 --> 01:11:37,620 All right. Now you know. 965 01:11:37,740 --> 01:11:41,100 I'm Catcher Block, not Zip Martin. 966 01:11:41,140 --> 01:11:43,860 There is no Zip Martin. 967 01:11:45,260 --> 01:11:50,780 But before you storm out of here, admit it: I got you. 968 01:11:50,860 --> 01:11:54,580 I got Barbara "Down With Love'"' Novak to fall in love. 969 01:12:02,020 --> 01:12:04,740 I'm not gonna storm out of here, Catch. 970 01:12:04,780 --> 01:12:09,140 And I'm not gonna admit that you got Barbara Novak to fall in love... 971 01:12:09,220 --> 01:12:11,900 because I'm not Barbara Novak. 972 01:12:11,980 --> 01:12:14,860 - There is no Barbara Novak. - Huh? 973 01:12:14,900 --> 01:12:19,780 I didn't fall in love with Zip Martin. I fell in love with Catcher Block. 974 01:12:19,820 --> 01:12:23,780 And that was a year ago, when for three and a half weeks, I worked as your secretary. 975 01:12:23,820 --> 01:12:27,780 I don't expect you to remember me. I wasn't a blond then. But you did ask me out. 976 01:12:27,780 --> 01:12:31,900 And it broke my heart to say no, but I loved you too much. 977 01:12:31,940 --> 01:12:35,020 I couldn't bear to become just another notch in your bedpost. 978 01:12:35,060 --> 01:12:37,660 With your dating habits, I knew that even if I was lucky enough... 979 01:12:37,700 --> 01:12:40,940 to get a regular spot on your rotating schedule... 980 01:12:40,980 --> 01:12:45,100 I would never have your undivided attention long enough for you to fall in love with me. 981 01:12:45,180 --> 01:12:48,780 I knew I had to do something to set myself apart. 982 01:12:48,900 --> 01:12:51,420 I knew I had to quit my job as your secretary... 983 01:12:51,500 --> 01:12:56,140 and write an international best-seller controversial enough... 984 01:12:56,180 --> 01:12:59,980 to get the attention of a New York publisher as well as "KNOW" magazine... 985 01:13:00,020 --> 01:13:04,420 but insignificant enough that as long as I went unseen, "KNOW" magazine's star journalist... 986 01:13:04,500 --> 01:13:06,860 would refuse to do a cover story about it. 987 01:13:06,900 --> 01:13:09,500 I knew that every time we were supposed to meet, you would get distracted... 988 01:13:09,580 --> 01:13:12,260 by one of your many girlfriends and stand me up... 989 01:13:12,340 --> 01:13:14,860 and this would give me a reason to fight with you over the phone... 990 01:13:14,980 --> 01:13:18,300 and declare that I wouldn't meet with you for a hundred years. 991 01:13:18,380 --> 01:13:22,100 And then all I would have to do was be patient and wait... 992 01:13:22,140 --> 01:13:24,860 the two or three weeks it would take for everyone in the world... 993 01:13:24,940 --> 01:13:27,140 to buy a copy of my best-seller... 994 01:13:27,180 --> 01:13:30,180 and then I would begin to get the publicity I would need for you... 995 01:13:30,180 --> 01:13:34,020 to, one, see what I look like, and, two, see me denounce you in public... 996 01:13:34,140 --> 01:13:36,500 as the worst kind of man. 997 01:13:36,540 --> 01:13:40,340 I knew this would make you wanna get even by writing one of your expos�s. 998 01:13:40,380 --> 01:13:42,820 And in order to do that, you would have to go undercover... 999 01:13:42,900 --> 01:13:45,980 assume a false identity and pretend to be the kind of man... 1000 01:13:46,060 --> 01:13:49,100 who would make the kind of girl I was pretending to be fall in love. 1001 01:13:49,140 --> 01:13:52,860 Since I was pretending to be a girl who would have sex on the first date... 1002 01:13:52,940 --> 01:13:56,540 you would have to pretend to be a man who wouldn't have sex for several dates. 1003 01:13:56,620 --> 01:14:00,260 And in doing so, we would go out on lots of dates... 1004 01:14:00,380 --> 01:14:03,780 to all the best places and all the hit shows... 1005 01:14:03,900 --> 01:14:07,900 until finally, one night, you would take me back to your place... 1006 01:14:07,940 --> 01:14:10,100 that you were pretending was someone else's... 1007 01:14:10,140 --> 01:14:13,820 in order to get the evidence you needed to write your expos�... 1008 01:14:13,900 --> 01:14:19,260 by seducing me until I said, "I love you." 1009 01:14:19,300 --> 01:14:24,500 But saying "I love you" was also my plan. 1010 01:14:24,620 --> 01:14:28,340 I just wanted to tell you the truth so that when you heard me say, "I love you"... 1011 01:14:28,460 --> 01:14:32,060 you would know that I knew who you were, and you would know who I was. 1012 01:14:32,180 --> 01:14:35,060 Then you, the great Catcher Block... 1013 01:14:35,180 --> 01:14:39,220 would know that you'd been beaten at your own game... 1014 01:14:39,300 --> 01:14:43,340 by me, Nancy Brown, your former secretary. 1015 01:14:43,420 --> 01:14:47,140 And I would have, once and for all, set myself apart... 1016 01:14:47,180 --> 01:14:50,660 from all the other girls you've known, all those other girls... 1017 01:14:50,700 --> 01:14:54,700 that you never really cared about, by making myself someone... 1018 01:14:54,820 --> 01:14:59,300 like the one person you really love and admire... 1019 01:14:59,340 --> 01:15:03,140 above all others: You. 1020 01:15:03,180 --> 01:15:06,460 Then, when you realized that you had finally met your match... 1021 01:15:06,580 --> 01:15:09,780 I would have at last gained the respect... 1022 01:15:09,900 --> 01:15:15,500 that would make you wanna marry me first and seduce me later. 1023 01:15:20,420 --> 01:15:24,580 I just wanted you to hear all this from me before you heard it from your private eye. 1024 01:15:30,060 --> 01:15:32,700 - Yeah? - Block, McNulty. 1025 01:15:32,780 --> 01:15:35,740 Got everything there is on Novak, and it's nothing. 1026 01:15:35,820 --> 01:15:39,260 Novak doesn't exist except for a P.O. Box in Maine... 1027 01:15:39,300 --> 01:15:41,980 in care of one Nancy Brown of 28 Gramercy Park... 1028 01:15:42,020 --> 01:15:45,140 where she was born and raised. 1029 01:15:45,260 --> 01:15:48,060 And while our Nancy may have broken a few hearts growing up... 1030 01:15:48,140 --> 01:15:52,060 I can't find the guy we're lookin' for who broke hers. 1031 01:15:52,140 --> 01:15:56,260 Never mind. I found him. 1032 01:16:00,780 --> 01:16:05,340 So, now you know everything. 1033 01:16:05,420 --> 01:16:08,620 Now tell me the one thing I don't know. 1034 01:16:08,660 --> 01:16:11,740 Tell me if this plan of mine has worked. 1035 01:16:11,780 --> 01:16:17,300 Tell me if it's made you fall in love with me, as I love you. 1036 01:16:34,420 --> 01:16:39,300 - Come on. We're going out. - Out? Now? Why? 1037 01:16:39,340 --> 01:16:42,660 Because no wife of mine belongs in an apartment like this. 1038 01:16:42,740 --> 01:16:44,300 Wife? 1039 01:16:44,420 --> 01:16:46,460 - You will marry me, won't you, Barbara? - Nancy. 1040 01:16:46,500 --> 01:16:49,860 - Nancy. - Oh, Catch. 1041 01:16:49,900 --> 01:16:52,900 It's all I've ever wanted. 1042 01:16:57,340 --> 01:17:00,420 - Are you sure it's what you want? - Of course I'm sure. 1043 01:17:00,460 --> 01:17:03,500 I've met my match. There's only been one thing between us... 1044 01:17:03,620 --> 01:17:07,060 and that's gone now that you're done pretending to be Barbara Novak. 1045 01:17:07,180 --> 01:17:10,460 You are Barbara Novak! Oh, I didn't realize! 1046 01:17:10,500 --> 01:17:12,820 You are my heroine! 1047 01:17:12,940 --> 01:17:15,780 Oh, of course you are. You're the heroine of all women around the world. 1048 01:17:15,820 --> 01:17:19,260 But you saved my life. Oh, I'm still flying friendly in the skies... 1049 01:17:19,340 --> 01:17:21,860 but now I decide how friendly and when and with whom. 1050 01:17:21,900 --> 01:17:26,940 Oh, and I'm also training for my pilot's license! And I have you to thank for it. 1051 01:17:26,980 --> 01:17:31,580 Thank you, Barbara Novak. Thank you for all womankind. 1052 01:17:40,380 --> 01:17:44,100 - " Wow. You are something else." 1053 01:17:44,220 --> 01:17:48,060 You didn�t just fool me, you fooled the whole world. 1054 01:17:48,180 --> 01:17:51,100 But now we can set the whole world straight. 1055 01:17:51,180 --> 01:17:53,860 Our marriage will end the battle of the sexes. 1056 01:17:53,940 --> 01:17:57,380 Boy, this cover story's not just the Pulitzer. This could be the Nobel Peace Prize. 1057 01:17:57,420 --> 01:18:00,140 Catch, you're not still going to write your expos�, are you? 1058 01:18:00,220 --> 01:18:03,180 - Why not? - Well, you know why not. 1059 01:18:03,300 --> 01:18:06,020 All the women in the world, they look to me. 1060 01:18:06,060 --> 01:18:08,500 The expos� can't hurt you now. 1061 01:18:08,540 --> 01:18:11,260 You're gonna have everything you've ever wished for. 1062 01:18:11,340 --> 01:18:14,780 You'll be Mrs. Catcher Block, living in our dream house in the suburbs... 1063 01:18:14,820 --> 01:18:17,180 with a yard full of noisy kids... 1064 01:18:17,260 --> 01:18:19,900 you putting them to bed, then you and me having a quiet dinner. 1065 01:18:20,020 --> 01:18:25,620 Catch, stop. I can't do this. 1066 01:18:25,740 --> 01:18:30,180 Barbara, stop! Don't do this! He's not who he says he is! 1067 01:18:32,860 --> 01:18:38,100 Neither am I. Good-bye, Catch. 1068 01:18:42,220 --> 01:18:45,220 Good-bye? 1069 01:18:52,940 --> 01:18:55,260 - Barbara? - "Vikki!" 1070 01:18:55,300 --> 01:18:58,820 - Nancy! - Who are you calling Nancy? 1071 01:18:58,820 --> 01:19:02,420 - Hey, wait, wait. Please let me explain. - There is no explanation. 1072 01:19:02,540 --> 01:19:06,100 Deceiving the girl you're going to marry about your homosexuality is one thing. 1073 01:19:06,220 --> 01:19:08,300 Deceiving me in business is another. 1074 01:19:08,340 --> 01:19:10,380 I thought you were different, but you're not. 1075 01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:14,740 You're a rat, Peter MacMannus. You're just like every other man. 1076 01:19:19,660 --> 01:19:23,140 I'm just like every other man. 1077 01:19:35,300 --> 01:19:37,820 Peter MacMannus. Tsk, tsk, tsk. 1078 01:19:37,940 --> 01:19:40,620 What do you say we step inside? 1079 01:19:40,660 --> 01:19:42,540 - Well... - Just for 10 minutes. 1080 01:19:42,580 --> 01:19:44,540 - Ten minutes? - Ten minutes. 1081 01:19:44,620 --> 01:19:48,220 Nancy, wait! What do you mean, you can't do this? 1082 01:19:48,340 --> 01:19:50,820 - I mean I can't marry you. - What? 1083 01:19:50,860 --> 01:19:53,580 I can't be Mrs. Catcher Block. 1084 01:19:53,700 --> 01:19:57,540 I can't be your wife with the kids and the house in the suburbs. 1085 01:19:57,580 --> 01:20:00,380 There was one part of my plan that I didn't count on: 1086 01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:03,420 That by pretending to be Barbara Novak... 1087 01:20:03,540 --> 01:20:06,180 I would actually "become" Barbara Novak. 1088 01:20:06,300 --> 01:20:09,340 I may be the last woman in the world to do it, but I have finally... 1089 01:20:09,380 --> 01:20:13,180 become a "Down With Love" girl, level three. 1090 01:20:14,820 --> 01:20:19,060 I don't want love, and I don't want you. 1091 01:21:03,940 --> 01:21:06,940 - What did Vikki say? Any luck? - Nope. 1092 01:21:06,980 --> 01:21:09,380 Barbara still doesn't want to see you. 1093 01:21:09,420 --> 01:21:12,300 She's thrown away everything you sent her... 1094 01:21:12,380 --> 01:21:17,180 the flowers, the candy, the $6,000 state-of-the-art Celestron telescope... 1095 01:21:17,220 --> 01:21:20,540 that wasn't really for you to send, because it was mine, not yours. 1096 01:21:20,660 --> 01:21:23,500 - She hates me. - "At least Novak dropped you flat." 1097 01:21:23,540 --> 01:21:25,860 You know where you stand. 1098 01:21:25,900 --> 01:21:29,020 Sometimes I think Vikki only started talking marriage to me that night... 1099 01:21:29,140 --> 01:21:31,780 in order to get me to have sex with her. 1100 01:21:31,780 --> 01:21:36,580 Once I did, I hardly ever see her, except when she comes back for more. 1101 01:21:36,580 --> 01:21:41,140 And I always give in. Makes me feel so used. 1102 01:21:41,220 --> 01:21:44,900 It's just not right! I shouldn't feel used! 1103 01:21:44,940 --> 01:21:48,260 She should, but she's taking her cues from Novak. 1104 01:21:48,380 --> 01:21:52,220 That's why you have to get to Novak. You have to solve this, Catch. 1105 01:21:52,340 --> 01:21:54,940 You have to squash her, crush her... 1106 01:21:55,060 --> 01:21:57,260 if not for the sake of civilization, then just for me. 1107 01:21:57,300 --> 01:22:00,420 - I don't wanna crush her. I love her. - "All right. Fine." 1108 01:22:00,460 --> 01:22:02,380 So run with that then. 1109 01:22:02,500 --> 01:22:06,020 What happened to your idea about making your expos� into a public love letter? 1110 01:22:06,060 --> 01:22:08,980 That's no good. She's down with love... for real this time. 1111 01:22:09,060 --> 01:22:11,820 You have to think of something. Come on. Get dressed. 1112 01:22:11,860 --> 01:22:15,260 We're going out. You have to start circulating again. 1113 01:22:15,340 --> 01:22:18,220 - Ooh, where's your little black book? - I threw it away. 1114 01:22:18,260 --> 01:22:21,140 - "I don't care about sex anymore." 1115 01:22:21,260 --> 01:22:24,140 - I just wanna be married. - "Well, me too, but fat chance." 1116 01:22:26,660 --> 01:22:31,580 These "Down With Love" girls! It's revenge against men! 1117 01:22:31,660 --> 01:22:37,060 And it's all your fault, lover boy! That's why they all act like you! 1118 01:22:56,940 --> 01:22:58,740 Stop the presses. 1119 01:22:58,860 --> 01:23:01,340 I've got a cover story that'll make "KNOW" magazine sell... 1120 01:23:01,460 --> 01:23:03,780 like no magazine has never sold before. 1121 01:23:03,820 --> 01:23:06,380 "Catcher Block Exposed: 1122 01:23:06,420 --> 01:23:09,940 How Falling in Love with Barbara Novak Made Me a New Man." 1123 01:23:09,980 --> 01:23:12,580 It's my public love letter. It's not from me, or at least not the old me. 1124 01:23:12,700 --> 01:23:17,500 It's from the new me, the new man that Barbara Novak could fall in love with. 1125 01:23:17,540 --> 01:23:20,580 - Come on, Mac! Let's get this baby to print! - We're not going to print. 1126 01:23:20,660 --> 01:23:23,420 Haven't you noticed? We have no secretaries. 1127 01:23:23,460 --> 01:23:26,300 Every girl in New York City has quit her job. 1128 01:23:26,340 --> 01:23:28,620 They all wanna go work for your Barbara Novak. 1129 01:23:30,300 --> 01:23:34,220 - For Barbara? Where? - Oh-ho-ho. 1130 01:23:36,620 --> 01:23:39,700 Novak topped you again. 1131 01:24:07,620 --> 01:24:11,140 It's here! "Down With Love" chocolate. 1132 01:24:11,180 --> 01:24:15,260 - A mouthful of satisfaction in every bite. 1133 01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:18,980 Vikki, you are a genius! 1134 01:24:18,980 --> 01:24:21,060 Look, your book got chocolate sales to soar. 1135 01:24:21,180 --> 01:24:23,900 Why shouldn't we get a piece of the action? 1136 01:24:23,940 --> 01:24:26,500 It sure killed my craving for sex. 1137 01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:28,860 The only man who could have his way with me now is Milton Hershey. 1138 01:24:28,940 --> 01:24:32,540 Boy, am I glad it finally occurred to you that you were a multimillionaire... 1139 01:24:32,580 --> 01:24:36,660 many times over and we could start our own business. 1140 01:24:36,780 --> 01:24:40,900 And to think I came that close to getting married and giving all this up. 1141 01:24:40,940 --> 01:24:44,340 I was really starting to believe that women weren't cut out for the workplace... 1142 01:24:44,460 --> 01:24:47,460 when the only problem was the workplace wasn't cut out for women. 1143 01:24:47,500 --> 01:24:49,820 Banner House bastards. 1144 01:24:49,860 --> 01:24:53,020 The word is out that Novak/Hiller International is cut to order. 1145 01:24:53,140 --> 01:24:58,340 Girls are lined up around the block to apply for the job as my private secretary. 1146 01:24:58,380 --> 01:25:03,140 And that's not all. Catcher Block is here. He wants to see you. 1147 01:25:03,180 --> 01:25:06,820 Well, call the guard, because I don't wanna see him. 1148 01:25:06,860 --> 01:25:11,220 - You have to see him. He's an applicant. - Ooh. 1149 01:25:11,340 --> 01:25:14,780 - For heaven's sake. - At the risk of sounding like my mother... 1150 01:25:14,900 --> 01:25:19,460 just stay perfectly still and let him get it over with. 1151 01:25:19,460 --> 01:25:22,100 - Mrs. Litzer. 1152 01:25:22,220 --> 01:25:24,260 Send in the first applicant, please. 1153 01:25:24,380 --> 01:25:28,900 Okay, "Novick." Over and out. 1154 01:25:47,180 --> 01:25:52,100 Another ruse, Catcher? You know I have no interest in seeing you. 1155 01:25:52,100 --> 01:25:55,020 But you know you have to. And you know I know you have to. 1156 01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:57,540 I'm sure you know how things are at "KNOW" ever since your new "Now." 1157 01:25:57,580 --> 01:26:00,220 I have no way of knowing how things are now at "KNOW." 1158 01:26:00,340 --> 01:26:02,660 I knew how things were at "KNOW" before now. 1159 01:26:02,660 --> 01:26:04,980 Then you should know now at "KNOW" things are a lot like they are at "Now." 1160 01:26:05,020 --> 01:26:08,180 We have to interview every applicant for every job, and so do you... 1161 01:26:08,300 --> 01:26:10,860 or you'd be going against "Now's" definition of discrimination... 1162 01:26:10,900 --> 01:26:13,660 and you wouldn't want the readers of "Now" or "KNOW" to know that, now, would you? 1163 01:26:14,740 --> 01:26:18,300 Have a seat, Mr. Block. 1164 01:26:18,340 --> 01:26:21,820 - Your application? 1165 01:26:25,980 --> 01:26:28,700 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, dear. 1166 01:26:28,740 --> 01:26:33,660 Unfortunately, the secretary job doesn't quite pay as much as your current job... 1167 01:26:33,700 --> 01:26:36,660 so I guess that's that. 1168 01:26:36,780 --> 01:26:40,940 Good-bye, Mr. Block. Oh, have a candy bar for your trouble. 1169 01:26:41,060 --> 01:26:44,060 And thanks again for thinking of us. 1170 01:26:44,100 --> 01:26:46,300 But I'm always thinking of you, Miss Novak. 1171 01:26:46,380 --> 01:26:48,980 I can't stop thinking of you. 1172 01:26:49,020 --> 01:26:51,780 And I'd like you to reconsider considering me. 1173 01:26:51,860 --> 01:26:55,460 - Even at a pay cut of 96.6%? - It's only money. 1174 01:26:55,580 --> 01:26:57,660 Besides, I've been on top for so long... 1175 01:26:57,660 --> 01:27:00,540 I thought it might be nice to try a new position. 1176 01:27:00,540 --> 01:27:03,260 And you think you could be comfortable in a position under a woman? 1177 01:27:03,300 --> 01:27:06,700 I look forward to it. 1178 01:27:06,820 --> 01:27:08,620 Starting at the bottom... 1179 01:27:08,740 --> 01:27:11,940 working my way up slowly to the top. 1180 01:27:15,500 --> 01:27:20,420 Still, I'm afraid that a man of your experience... 1181 01:27:20,540 --> 01:27:23,740 would be too distracted working in a predominantly female workplace. 1182 01:27:23,820 --> 01:27:29,180 Not at all. You see, I'm not really interested in women � la carte anymore. 1183 01:27:29,220 --> 01:27:32,220 The next time I get involved with a woman, it'll be to settle down. 1184 01:27:35,220 --> 01:27:40,060 Well, I wouldn't want you stealing one of the women from my workforce... 1185 01:27:40,140 --> 01:27:42,500 just to put her away in a house in the suburbs. 1186 01:27:42,620 --> 01:27:46,660 Oh, I wouldn't want that either. I'm what you might call a new man. 1187 01:27:46,780 --> 01:27:49,500 Oh, is that so? 1188 01:27:49,540 --> 01:27:52,620 And I'm looking for a new kind of love. 1189 01:28:00,780 --> 01:28:02,940 "Catcher Block Exposed"? 1190 01:28:03,060 --> 01:28:07,500 "How Falling in Love with Barbara Novak" "Made Me a New Man. '"' 1191 01:28:07,580 --> 01:28:09,420 Oh, sure. 1192 01:28:09,500 --> 01:28:11,340 And to put yourself on top... 1193 01:28:11,420 --> 01:28:14,020 you just happened to have had to expose me as Nancy Brown... 1194 01:28:14,060 --> 01:28:16,140 in your attempt to win a Nobel prize. 1195 01:28:16,220 --> 01:28:19,540 I never said a word about Nancy Brown. 1196 01:28:19,660 --> 01:28:22,140 And the only prize I wanted to win was you. 1197 01:28:22,180 --> 01:28:26,540 Crazy, isn't it? After all our tricking each other, all our game playing... 1198 01:28:26,580 --> 01:28:29,060 I'm the one who wound up here with the love letter... 1199 01:28:29,140 --> 01:28:31,780 and you're the one with the scoop. 1200 01:28:31,900 --> 01:28:35,020 Still, I'll keep my eye on the billboards... 1201 01:28:35,060 --> 01:28:37,540 and maybe one day you'll do a piece... 1202 01:28:37,660 --> 01:28:41,100 on how you became someone in between the bashful, brunette Nancy Brown... 1203 01:28:41,180 --> 01:28:44,100 and the cool, blond Barbara Novak. 1204 01:28:44,220 --> 01:28:47,900 That's a piece I could really go for. 1205 01:29:02,220 --> 01:29:07,020 One, two, three... 1206 01:29:07,100 --> 01:29:10,980 four, five. 1207 01:29:29,380 --> 01:29:32,900 - Hmm. 1208 01:29:32,940 --> 01:29:36,740 Someone between a blond and a brunette? 1209 01:29:39,260 --> 01:29:42,380 - Scooped you again. 1210 01:29:49,820 --> 01:29:53,540 I knew you would. 1211 01:29:53,660 --> 01:29:58,020 I knew the minute I placed an ad as an equal-opportunity employer... 1212 01:29:58,140 --> 01:30:01,340 you would be the first to apply. 1213 01:30:03,500 --> 01:30:08,460 And I knew you knew and you'd let me in to ask you to marry me. 1214 01:30:12,140 --> 01:30:15,460 But you didn't know I'd say yes. 1215 01:30:23,140 --> 01:30:26,660 - Vegas? - We can get married there on the spot. 1216 01:30:26,700 --> 01:30:29,740 - I'm not letting you get away again... ever. - Oh, Catch. 1217 01:30:29,860 --> 01:30:33,820 - I love you, Barbara. - I know. 1218 01:31:25,940 --> 01:31:27,860 I'm sorry. You'll have to hold. 1219 01:31:27,900 --> 01:31:29,780 - Peter? - Vikki? 1220 01:31:29,820 --> 01:31:33,100 Do you wanna marry me or not? I'm not giving up my career. 1221 01:31:33,220 --> 01:31:36,260 I wouldn't ask you to. Then it's a deal? 1222 01:31:36,340 --> 01:31:39,780 - Deal! - Deal! 1223 01:31:39,820 --> 01:31:43,140 Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's official. 1224 01:31:43,220 --> 01:31:46,540 The battle of the sexes is over. What's that? 1225 01:31:46,660 --> 01:31:48,740 Don't believe me? Well, here's the proof. 1226 01:31:48,820 --> 01:31:52,700 Please give a warm welcome to the coauthors of the new book, "Here's to Love..." 1227 01:31:52,700 --> 01:31:56,420 Mrs. Barbara Novak-Block and Mr. Catcher Block. 1228 01:31:56,540 --> 01:32:01,500 # Barbara, I'd like to propose a toast # 1229 01:32:01,620 --> 01:32:04,900 #To the topic I dig the most # 1230 01:32:04,900 --> 01:32:08,180 # Catch, let me dust off my lovin' cup # 1231 01:32:08,220 --> 01:32:12,300 # Hey, bartender, fill 'er up # 1232 01:32:12,340 --> 01:32:15,900 # Look how the neon starts to flicker # 1233 01:32:15,980 --> 01:32:19,460 # Love's like a shot but works much quicker # 1234 01:32:19,540 --> 01:32:22,980 #And you're a man who can hold his liquor # 1235 01:32:23,020 --> 01:32:26,980 # Cheers, here's to love # 1236 01:32:27,020 --> 01:32:30,540 # I'm an old-fashioned and you're the cherry # 1237 01:32:30,580 --> 01:32:34,140 # I've got a thirst that's legendary # 1238 01:32:34,260 --> 01:32:38,100 #That's why I fired your secretary # 1239 01:32:38,220 --> 01:32:41,100 # Cheers, here's to love # 1240 01:32:41,140 --> 01:32:45,220 - # Life's a martini # - #And you're the shaker # 1241 01:32:45,220 --> 01:32:48,820 - #And, baby, I sure packed a punch # - Hey! 1242 01:32:48,900 --> 01:32:52,380 #You make Dean Martin look like a Quaker # 1243 01:32:52,460 --> 01:32:54,940 - # But now it's only you for dinner # - Breakfast. 1244 01:32:54,980 --> 01:32:59,540 - And lunch. - # I hear the march that's calling for us # 1245 01:32:59,620 --> 01:33:03,060 #We'll walk down the aisle to an angels' chorus # 1246 01:33:03,180 --> 01:33:07,300 # I'll be your Rock if you'll be my Doris # 1247 01:33:07,420 --> 01:33:10,740 # Sweet heavens above # 1248 01:33:10,860 --> 01:33:13,900 #Why is the waiter smiling at us # 1249 01:33:14,020 --> 01:33:17,020 # He knows what we're thinking of # 1250 01:33:17,060 --> 01:33:20,180 - # Oh, can the tears # - # Cheers # 1251 01:33:20,220 --> 01:33:25,140 # Baby, here's to love # 1252 01:33:25,180 --> 01:33:28,860 #You've got the lips to wet my whistle # 1253 01:33:28,900 --> 01:33:32,740 # If that doesn't get ya maybe this'll # 1254 01:33:32,820 --> 01:33:36,660 # Cupid just launched a guided missile # 1255 01:33:36,700 --> 01:33:39,820 # Cheers, here's to love # 1256 01:33:39,860 --> 01:33:43,700 #Your eyes are so intoxicating # 1257 01:33:43,780 --> 01:33:47,220 # Bottoms up, babe let's get to mating # 1258 01:33:47,260 --> 01:33:51,220 # I bet it bears re-it-erating # 1259 01:33:51,340 --> 01:33:54,500 # Cheers, here's to love # 1260 01:33:54,540 --> 01:33:57,900 #Though it ain't New Year's pop the champagne # 1261 01:33:57,940 --> 01:34:01,780 #And let's take a spin on the floor # 1262 01:34:01,820 --> 01:34:05,060 - #Your moves are good # - # I'm feelin' no pain # 1263 01:34:05,100 --> 01:34:09,180 # So let's pay the check and slip out the back door # 1264 01:34:09,220 --> 01:34:12,780 #We took Manhattan without the bitters # 1265 01:34:12,900 --> 01:34:16,580 #We're stayin' put Last call's for quitters # 1266 01:34:16,580 --> 01:34:19,980 # Soon it will be just baby-sitters # 1267 01:34:20,020 --> 01:34:23,860 # 'Cause this hawk's now a dove # 1268 01:34:23,900 --> 01:34:26,900 # Baby, the cab is blowin' its horn # 1269 01:34:27,020 --> 01:34:30,180 # But I can't find my hat and my gloves # 1270 01:34:30,260 --> 01:34:33,180 - # Oh, can the tears # - # Cheers # 1271 01:34:33,180 --> 01:34:38,780 # Baby, here's to love # 1272 01:34:38,820 --> 01:34:41,420 - Here's mud in your eye. - Here's lookin' at you, kid. 1273 01:34:41,540 --> 01:34:44,180 - Here. This'll put hairs on your chest. 1274 01:34:44,260 --> 01:34:46,780 - Not that I would want that. - Mm-hmm. 1275 01:34:46,780 --> 01:34:50,580 # Here's to love ##