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Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.
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00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,000
Welcome to the newest,
the greatest...
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00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,300
the most spectacular
show in entertainment history.
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00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:19,200
Put your hands together for
the fabulous Feebles Variety Hour!
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Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles...
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We're not average ordinary people.
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Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles.
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Animal acts
and other attractions.
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Bring me a pussy
and I show you some action.
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I'm a contortionist.
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A modernist.
An hippopotamus.
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Be sure we guarantee
to amuse you.
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Wait to meet the Feebles.
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Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles.
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00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,700
We're not average ordinary people.
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00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:04,200
Meet the Feebles,
Meet the Feebles.
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And now...
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here's...
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Harry.
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Yipeee! Ha ha!
Hi, folks!
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Welcome to the Feebles
Variety Hour.
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Oh boy, what a line-up
we've got for you tonight.
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But first, give a huge reception
to our very own Venus...
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that gorgeous hunk
of hippo-hood, Heidi!
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I'm Heidi, hi!
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I love you all.
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You're as pretty as me,
but I'm the star.
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I put on my best,
my talents are huge.
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We've got a show...
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but it's about to start
to meet the Feebles.
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Meet the Feebles.
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We're not average
ordinary people.
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Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles.
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All right you fat slag,
move your ass!
35
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How dare you speak to me like that,
you horrible, spiteful little rat!
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I've heard better singing from
a mongoose with throat cancer.
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I won't stand for this treatment
any longer.
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I'm an artiste.
I demand respect.
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Artiste, that's a good one.
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That's it!
I've had enough!
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- I'm going straight to Bletch.
- You do that darling.
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What is going on over there?
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Heidi, where are you going?
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Have you upset her again?
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You know what happens
when she gets into a tizz.
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The old cow's had it too good
for too long.
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Like it or not, Trevor,
she's the star of the show.
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There's no Feebles without Heidi.
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Come on everybody.
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We're going out live
in twelve hours.
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Heaven forbid injecting
some urgency into this occasion...
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but for God's sake
get a move on!
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Have a good rehearsal, Miss Heidi.
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Bleeetch!
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Oh, shit!
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I was just about
to pop my cookies!
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Sorry, Heidi, I was just
finishing off some paperwork.
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Trevor's been insulting me.
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Why, that foul-mouthed little rodent.
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I'll give him a good talking to.
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If it happens again,
I shan't perform.
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There there Heidi,
don't upset yourself.
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Do I smell perfume?
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You're imagining things
my sweet.
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Now you go and rest up.
Big night tonight.
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Come to my room later on?
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I'll try.
68
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Oh God!
Women!
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00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,100
When are you going to dump
that huckery moll?
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00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,900
Huckery moll she may be,
but she's also our major drawcard.
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Show some guts, Bletch!
Get rid of her!
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- God, wouldn't like to!
- I'm not waiting around for ever.
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Don't worry, honey.
I'm working on it.
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Excuse me, please.
I wonder if you can help me.
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I've a letter here requesting me
to report to the stage manager.
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I'm busy.
Ask somebody else.
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Oh, well, no... you see...
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Excuse me, sir.
I wonder if you can help.
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I've a letter here asking me
to report to the stage manager.
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I don't know man.
81
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It's been a hell of a day.
82
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I can feel a migraine coming on.
83
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I need a paracetamol.
84
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Up here!
85
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New boy are you?
Looking for Arthur?
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Is he the stage manager?
87
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That's what he calls himself.
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You'll never find him.
I'll take you there.
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Thank you very much.
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I had an audition six months ago
and I've just got the confirmation...
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00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,900
of my acceptance
into the Feeble Chorus.
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I tell you what, kiddo.
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It's not that crash hot.
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They run you ragged
and they pay's lousy.
95
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I'm not worried about the pay.
96
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It's an honour just to get a chance...
97
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,700
to perform in the show.
98
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,800
I've been an admirer
of the Feebles for such a long time.
99
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:11,900
Yeah?
100
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:15,500
You'll find it pretty tough
on the wages they dish out.
101
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:18,900
But if you ever want to earn
a little extra on the side...
102
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,500
I'm always interested
in little stories...
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00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,300
anything spicy
or even smutty.
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00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,600
Hey Arthur!
There's a new boy to see you.
105
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,700
There's more filth here
than in the city sewers.
106
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And I pay good money
for the right info.
107
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Here you go, kid.
Don't hesitate to get in touch.
108
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You must be Robert.
I've been expecting you.
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Pleased to meet you sir.
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Just call me Arthur.
111
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Here you don't want that, son.
112
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He's a non-good muckraker
from the gutter press.
113
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Got nothing better to do
than make up lies...
114
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and nasty stories about the cast.
115
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:01,900
Ooh!
116
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That's Miss Heidi.
You'll have heard of her.
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I certainly have.
She's my favourite star.
118
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Excuse me, girls.
119
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Can I have your attention
for a minute?
120
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I'd like to introduce you all
to a new member of the chorus.
121
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I'm sure you'll do your best to make
him feel a part of the Feeble family.
122
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Come on, say hello Robert.
Don't be bashful.
123
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Oh, isn't he handsome?
124
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What a lovely set of quills!
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That's Lucille.
126
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She's just joined the chorus
as well.
127
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You two should get together
sometime.
128
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Is it true that long quills
are a sign of virility?
129
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Now look what you've done!
130
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You've gone and got him
all embarrassed.
131
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Come on Robert old son.
Uncurl, there's a good boy.
132
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I think he fancies you, Lucy.
133
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Yes, it's true love all right.
134
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See the way he looked at you.
135
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Stop it!
He's just an old hedgehog!
136
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Get up your knees!
Put your head up!
137
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Don't forget to breath!
138
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Funny little sandhopper
basking in the sun...
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dancing and a-hopping
having lots of fun.
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Bit of sand landed
in that hopper's eye.
141
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Little sandhopper said,
"My oh my"...
142
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I get one leg missing...
143
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one leg missing...
144
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I get one leg missing...
145
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How do I get around?
146
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Shiny shiny fishy
in the ocean blue.
147
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Swam into a sewage pipe,
pooh, pooh, pooh.
148
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Said "I'm in the shit,
better take a dive".
149
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,900
Stuck his head out of the water
and began to jive.
150
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I got one leg missing...
151
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,900
one leg missing...
152
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,000
I got one leg missing...
153
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,800
How do I get around?
154
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:06,900
All right!
155
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,300
What are you doing here,
pincushion?
156
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,900
I was just watching the chorus.
157
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,300
- You're the new boy, aren't you?
- Yes, I am.
158
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I just started today.
I'm Robert.
159
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You may be Robert to your friends,
but you're fly shit to me.
160
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Piss off!
161
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Yes, sir.
162
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Goddamn prickleback!
163
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I got one leg missing...
164
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I got one leg missing...
165
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I got one leg missing.
166
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,500
How do I get around?
167
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,100
That Lucille's got
a cute tush.
168
00:09:56,300 --> 00:10:00,100
I wouldn't mind giving her
a poke with the old pork sword.
169
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,900
I get one leg missing.
170
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,100
How do I get around?
171
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,200
Trevor, please,
I need it, man.
172
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,300
I need it.
173
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,500
I told you before,
it's coming.
174
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:24,200
Yeah, but...
I got the shakes something bad.
175
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If I don't get a fix,
I won't be able to perform.
176
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Listen, it'll be here, all right?
177
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,500
Stop bothering me.
178
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,000
I can pay for it.
179
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,400
Thanks froggy.
This'll cover what you owe me.
180
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,100
But that's all I've got!
181
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,700
Well, you'd better find
another fifty bucks before six.
182
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,800
That's all I've got!
183
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Thank you everybody.
184
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You've all mutilated
that number rather nicely.
185
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,400
We'll have another shot at it
at two thirty...
186
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,400
and perhaps put it out
of its misery.
187
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,900
Excuse me, Mr. Bletch.
188
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,500
Sir...
189
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,900
If I could have a minute
of your time.
190
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,200
I've been waiting to see you
all day.
191
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,500
I've got a smashing little routine
I think will go down a treat.
192
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,800
So, you want to join the Feebles?
193
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:29,500
Oh, rather!
194
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:33,700
Ok son, I'll give you one minute.
Impress me.
195
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,900
It's one of my own compositions.
196
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,200
It's called:
"Glad to Be a Guppy".
197
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,500
I'm a fishy little fellow
with a scaly sort of skin...
198
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,300
and I frolic in the shadows
when the tide is coming in.
199
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,800
Is something the matter,
Mr. Bletch?
200
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,000
I think I've got a cavity
in a rear molar.
201
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:59,300
Would you mind
having a look for me?
202
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,600
Oh, Certainly.
203
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,000
It's right at the back.
204
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,600
Oh, it's awful dark in here!
205
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,100
Went down a treat, all right.
Heh, heh!
206
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,000
Hello, Lucille.
207
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,100
You may not remember me.
208
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,800
My name is Robert
and I'd just like to say that...
209
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,500
you're the most pretty girl
I've ever met.
210
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:32,000
I was wondering if you would like
to go to the movies tomorrow night.
211
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,600
Those flowers are for you!
212
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,300
Maybe I should give her
the flowers first.
213
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,000
Gorblimey!
The poor little blighter's smitten!
214
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:49,100
Hi, these flowers are for you.
They are white roses.
215
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,000
I hope you like them.
216
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,600
You may not remember me,
but my name is Robert.
217
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:56,100
I was wondering if you'd like
to go to the movies.
218
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,800
I tried on the lace camisole
and it fitted perfectly.
219
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,300
Hi, my name is...
movies...
220
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:07,100
I'd like to Robert you with...
221
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:13,100
Here Rob old son.
Come on in for a cup of tea.
222
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,900
When are we due on the course?
223
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:26,000
One o'clock sharp.
It's all arranged.
224
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,700
How's your handicap, Barry?
225
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:34,800
She's at home baking a cake, boss.
226
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,500
Heavens, Heidi!
227
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,200
You haven't been exercising,
have you?
228
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,500
All that excess flab must put
a terrible strain on your heart.
229
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:13,100
If you're referring to my muscle tone,
it's never been better.
230
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,000
You must have awful trouble
buying clothes.
231
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,600
Still, at your age I suppose
you might as well let your figure go.
232
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,300
How dare you insult me, you,
you cheap pussy?
233
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,000
You shuddering great herbivore!
234
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,300
No wonder Bletch can't stand
the sight of you!
235
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,300
You're lying!
He loves me!
236
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,500
- He detests you!
- That's not true!
237
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,200
You bore him to tears and
you're awful in bed.
238
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,300
It's me he wants.
He can't get enough of me.
239
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,400
Liar!
240
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,300
If you weren't so stupid...
241
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,100
you'd know we've been
having an affair for months.
242
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:51,000
You liar!
You liar!
243
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,700
Hey, good one!
You showed her!
244
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,900
Right, Robbie.
Now you got everything I told you.
245
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,900
She's in there now,
so you give it your best shot.
246
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,100
Are you sure that this is a good
idea?
247
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:11,100
She'll love it.
248
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:27,300
You are my amour, what I adore.
Oh Lucille!
249
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:36,800
This is the way that I must say
how my heart feels!
250
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:41,300
Oh, Lucille!
Oh, Lucille!
251
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,900
Oohh, Luc... ciii!
252
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,700
Keep going, keep going!
It's magic!
253
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,700
Under the light
of the Spanish moon...
254
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:05,200
it's for love that I croon this tune,
Lucille...
255
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,000
Lucille...
256
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,800
Lucille...
257
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:18,700
I'm terribly sorry.
You must think I'm an idiot.
258
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,900
I should never have done this.
259
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:24,700
I promise you,
I shan't ever bother you again.
260
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,600
Robert... wait!
261
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,100
How did you know
I love flamenco?
262
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:37,600
That were beautiful,
just beautiful.
263
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,800
Oh, God!
264
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,000
How did you get in?
265
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,900
Oh, no!
Not the cold cream!
266
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:02,100
I told you guys before,
stay out of my room!
267
00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,500
Stay out!
268
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:20,800
Flipping heck!
269
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:33,000
What am I going to do now?
270
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,300
It took me six months
to train that lot.
271
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,600
Not a bad little meat pattie.
272
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,700
Good shot, boss!
273
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,800
Your shot, Cedric!
274
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,600
O thought I told you
to wipe my clubs.
275
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,200
Take that you bastard!
276
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,600
Shit!
277
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,200
I'm on form today!
278
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,500
It's a lovely course.
279
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,200
I'm tempted to join
the club myself.
280
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,700
No chance of that,
I'm afraid, Cedric.
281
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,200
You mean they discriminate
against Scots?
282
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,400
No, we just don't like assholes
in the clubhouse.
283
00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:01,400
Sid, it's really decent of you
to have me in for a lager...
284
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:05,400
after today's little mishap.
285
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,400
No hard feelings Arthur.
286
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,400
It's just my bad luck.
287
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,400
This sort of thing is
always happening to me.
288
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,500
Did I tell you Sanyd's slapping
a paternity suit on me?
289
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,600
Is that right?
290
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,300
Yeah, she reckons that kid
she dropped is mine.
291
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,200
I'd like to see her prove it, though.
292
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,400
She's slept with half the chorus.
293
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,700
Has he?
294
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,000
She hasn't slept with me.
295
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,500
Oh, no.
I wasn't suggesting anything.
296
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:38,100
Like you're a mate, Arthur.
I know I can trust you.
297
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,700
Oh, Christ,
here she comes now.
298
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:51,300
Sidney, the date's been
set down as the 16th.
299
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,900
If you don't appear in court,
it'll be held over until the 21st...
300
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,700
at which time you'll be compelled
to provide a blood sample.
301
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:03,200
Sandy, why did you bring it here?
It's not mine!
302
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,700
You know it's not!
303
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,900
We'll let the court decide that,
shall we?
304
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,500
It's got your eyes, Sid.
305
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:51,200
You want a slice of the action
but you're not acting...
306
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:57,400
You want a slice of the action
but you don't want to pay the price...
307
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,400
You're going to end up in traction
if you don't take my advice.
308
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,000
You want a piece of the pie...
309
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,300
but you don't want
to share with me...
310
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,700
You want a piece of that pie...
311
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,100
but you'll never get
nothing for free.
312
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,300
You better watch what you say...
313
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,600
'cause that ain't my recipe.
314
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:23,300
I'm hip to your lip...
315
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,900
you'll see...
316
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:30,000
You're just a low-down snake
with a two-time repartee.
317
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:36,400
I'm hip to your jive,
but it don't sound hip to me.
318
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:42,600
Say, who is that dame?
319
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,400
That's Heidi.
Ain't she something?
320
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:51,200
She's only been here a week
and already she's packing the joint.
321
00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,400
With a voice like that
she's going to go places!
322
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:57,900
You want a hot potato,
but baby you're just too cold.
323
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:03,500
You want a hot potato
to go with your sausage roll.
324
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:08,700
Don't look at me baby,
I'm much too hot to hold.
325
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,400
I'm hip to your lip...
326
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:14,600
you'll see...
327
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,900
Yeah!
328
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,400
Thank you!
329
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,200
From the gentleman
with the red carnation.
330
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,600
So, you're from the East?
331
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,200
I hear they've got some
great swamps out that way.
332
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,500
What's a cute young think like you
doing in the big smoke?
333
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,400
I'm not so young.
In two years I'll be eighteen.
334
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,200
Really?
But you're so well developed...
335
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,600
Vocally, I mean.
336
00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:48,700
My singing teachers said
I've enormous lung power.
337
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,400
I like your style, Heidi.
338
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:54,500
- Really?
- You've got a lot of class.
339
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,400
But that sometimes ain't enough.
340
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,300
I seen a lot of girls like you
ruined in this town.
341
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,400
You need to make
the right connections,,,
342
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,100
and that's where I can help.
343
00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:06,500
Are you a producer?
344
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:11,200
I am to be the best goddam producer
this town has ever seen.
345
00:23:11,300 --> 00:23:13,400
I got the contacts,
I got the capital...
346
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:15,900
what I need is what you got:
347
00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:17,500
Talent!
348
00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:21,500
Heidi, I want to manage you.
349
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:23,400
But...
350
00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:26,200
I don't even know who you are!
351
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:29,600
They call me Bletch!
352
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:35,400
Bletch!
What a lovely name!
353
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:38,100
Tell me Heidi...
354
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,100
do those lips kiss as good
as they sing?
355
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:48,300
Bletch!
356
00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:06,300
Very nice, Mr. Bletch.
357
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:10,200
Perhaps you'd like to inspect
my range of clubs.
358
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,200
It's good gear,
I can assure you.
359
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:24,000
O that I have no doubts.
360
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,700
It's good stuff boss.
361
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,200
When can we expect delivery?
362
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:31,200
Meet Louie in the alleyway
at six.
363
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,800
Sorry.
A touch of the ptomaine.
364
00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:54,300
It must be all this fresh air.
It gives me hay fever.
365
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,100
Bad luck old chap!
366
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:11,700
What the?
367
00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:14,100
My apologies Cedric!
368
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,400
I had a bone stuck in my throat.
369
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:18,800
My game, I think.
370
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,400
Shit!
371
00:25:20,700 --> 00:25:28,400
Did I pass the audition,
Mr. Bletch?
372
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,800
Oh, harder Harry, oh!
373
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,200
Oh, yes, yes, oh!
374
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:38,500
Harry!
375
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:43,600
All those carrots
make me good in the dark.
376
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,300
But it feels so good!
377
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,300
They don't call it "bunnylingus"
for nothing, sweetheart.
378
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,100
What about me?
Are you going to service me too?
379
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,800
Sure, climb on up and
I'll give you a valve grind.
380
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,600
Hey!
Hold on a moment!
381
00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,400
What's going on?
I can't see.
382
00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:04,100
Goddamn pervert!
383
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,400
Who was it, Harry?
384
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,000
Just a little creep
with a bad case of jizm pressure.
385
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,400
How's your jizm pressure,
Harry?
386
00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:12,600
I can feel it coming on.
387
00:26:12,700 --> 00:26:15,900
Oh, boy,
it's going to be a gusher!
388
00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:23,500
Oh, no!
389
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,800
No, no!
390
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:33,500
No, help!
391
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:35,100
Take that!
392
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:39,500
Oh, no!
393
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,300
Take that, you bitch!
394
00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:46,400
I beg you, please now stop it!
395
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,300
Call me "sir", slut!
396
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,300
Ow!
397
00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:54,700
Leave her alone!
Are you all right, madam?
398
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,400
Cut!
399
00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,600
Jesus Christ!
400
00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:03,500
You've a nasty habit of sticking
your nose in where it's not wanted.
401
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:05,700
I'm sorry.
402
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,000
You ruined my take, kid.
I never do two takes!
403
00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:11,700
I didn't know it was a film.
404
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:14,000
Hurry it up,
I'm freezing!
405
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:18,300
I'm sorry for interrupting.
I won't disturb you any longer.
406
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,100
We'll skip the whipping.
407
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,500
Let's move on to the blowjob.
408
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,300
Where's the Masked Masochist?
409
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,400
Oh Christ that's all I need!
410
00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:29,600
He's carked!
411
00:27:29,700 --> 00:27:32,800
Didn't you realise
you were sitting on his face?
412
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,800
I felt a bit uncomfortable, but
I thought it was my haemorrhoids.
413
00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:40,300
What the hell, maybe I can sell it
as a snuff movie.
414
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,800
You'll have to find a substitute.
415
00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:52,700
I don't do self abuse.
416
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,400
No sorries, Daisy.
I know just the guy.
417
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,500
What do you know!
It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge.
418
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,000
Oh gosh! I was just looking
for the soap powder.
419
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:26,000
Sure, Dennis.
Have a whiff of these.
420
00:28:26,100 --> 00:28:29,400
They've got
a real distinctive bouquet.
421
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:34,900
Dennis,
we've got a little job for you.
422
00:29:16,500 --> 00:29:19,900
Oh my god!
Next!
423
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,000
All right everybody,
from the top!
424
00:29:36,100 --> 00:29:37,100
Music, please!
425
00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:21,900
For Chrissake!
426
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,000
What the hell was wrong
with that?
427
00:30:25,100 --> 00:30:28,200
Who is holding
that red pennant?
428
00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:32,400
Me sir.
429
00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:35,300
And what on earth do you think
you're doing?
430
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,300
I'm patrolling the moat, sir.
431
00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:40,500
Patrolling the moat?
I see.
432
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:44,800
You were instructed to stay
upstage left.
433
00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:48,200
Italian pennant bearers of
the XVll century were frequently...
434
00:30:48,300 --> 00:30:52,100
known to patrol the rampart
on the lookout for Turkish invaders.
435
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,100
How very elucidating.
436
00:30:54,300 --> 00:30:56,200
I've been reading up on it, sir.
437
00:30:56,300 --> 00:30:58,000
My drama teacher at school
said...
438
00:30:58,100 --> 00:31:00,400
I should always research
a role thoroughly.
439
00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:02,700
Really?
Let me tell you something.
440
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,400
This is a television variety show...
441
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:08,000
not a homage to Soviet Realism!
442
00:31:08,100 --> 00:31:10,400
I asked for a pennant,
not a pedant!
443
00:31:10,700 --> 00:31:12,700
All right, again!
From the top!
444
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:23,900
Excuse me!
445
00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:25,300
Stop!
446
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:26,400
Shit!
447
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:27,700
Oh, God!
448
00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:28,900
What is it?
449
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,400
It's just I'm having trouble
with my motivation.
450
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,500
I don't understand
why I would remain still...
451
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,800
when the scene itself suggests
vigorous physical action...
452
00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:41,300
danger even.
453
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,300
I suppose you'd like everyone
to stop singing...
454
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:47,700
while you come forward to do
a little war dance centre stage.
455
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:48,700
Is that it?
456
00:31:48,900 --> 00:31:50,700
Well, it had crossed my mind!
457
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,100
My god!
458
00:31:52,300 --> 00:31:54,800
Sorry guy, I hate to interrupt,
but I don't think...
459
00:31:54,900 --> 00:31:57,700
the knife thrower's assistant
is going to pull through.
460
00:31:58,100 --> 00:32:00,400
Shall I cancel Winyard's act
entirely?
461
00:32:00,700 --> 00:32:02,300
I think not.
462
00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:05,200
I've got just the substitute.
463
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,000
"Dennis Does Daisy!
Take 1.
464
00:32:13,100 --> 00:32:14,900
Dennis, drop your strides.
465
00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:18,500
Come on, come on,
the camera's rolling.
466
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,400
Oh for Chrissake!
467
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:25,400
Is that the best you can do?
468
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,100
Trevor do something about this guy!
469
00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:28,600
Come on, get aroused!
470
00:32:29,300 --> 00:32:30,200
I can't.
471
00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:33,100
Well, I'm not doing anything
until he cracks a fat.
472
00:32:33,300 --> 00:32:35,400
What's the matter?
Doesn't she turn you on?
473
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,800
Here you go.
Will these help?
474
00:32:40,100 --> 00:32:42,700
Oh god, not another panty-sniffer!
475
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,300
He's going to want me
to piss in his mouth next.
476
00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:47,100
Ok kid, do your stuff.
477
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,200
Oh yes!
Yes! �
478
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,800
Oh, God!
It's terrible!
479
00:32:54,900 --> 00:32:57,800
I feel terrible!
What's happening to me?
480
00:32:57,900 --> 00:33:00,700
What's the matter, Harry?
Not feeling too well?
481
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,100
What?
Who said that?
482
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,000
It's all those last nights.
483
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,700
Maybe you're not getting
enough vitamins.
484
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,200
Care to join me for lunch?
485
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:20,800
Hmm, carrots!
It's not one of yours, is it Harry?
486
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,400
You are sick!
487
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,800
No, Harry.
I think you are.
488
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000
Give me the rundown
on your symptoms.
489
00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:30,800
I ain't got nothing,
you shit-eating journo.
490
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,100
You can't suppress the media,
Harry.
491
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:40,500
Come on, you can tell me,
I'll be very discreet.
492
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,600
I'm as fit as a fiddle.
I feel fantastic.
493
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,700
And I'm sick and tired of your...
494
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,000
Hold it right there!
495
00:33:47,100 --> 00:33:49,100
"I'm tired and I'm sick",
says Harry...
496
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,600
the Hare star of
the Feebles Variety Hour.
497
00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:54,200
Sounds like the germs
of a good story.
498
00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:56,400
Leave me alone!
499
00:33:56,500 --> 00:33:58,000
You can't hide the truth.
500
00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:01,200
Whatever you've got, I'll find it out
or I'll make it up.
501
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,900
This is going to be a great scoop!
502
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,000
Jesus Trevor,
have you got the stuff?
503
00:34:15,100 --> 00:34:16,600
I'm hanging out, man.
504
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,500
I'll get you the money tomorrow,
I promise.
505
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,800
Hello, my name's Robert.
506
00:34:21,900 --> 00:34:25,200
- Are you the new supplier?
- I've been sent by the director...
507
00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:27,700
to assist you in your
knife-throwing routine.
508
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,600
- Oh, shit!
- I wondered if you'd like to practice.
509
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,100
No, I don't know, man,
I really don't know.
510
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,800
It's not such a hot idea.
511
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,700
- Have you got any smack?
- Smack?
512
00:34:41,900 --> 00:34:44,600
Horse, liquid sky,
skag...
513
00:34:44,700 --> 00:34:47,500
snow, coke, crack,
methadone...
514
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,000
benzedrine, pinkies, San Ped...
515
00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:51,000
Morning Glory, nutmeg,
blue meanies...
516
00:34:51,100 --> 00:34:53,400
aspirin, Ados, paracetamol...
517
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,900
Vicks Vapour Rub?
518
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,500
Oh, you don't happen to be
an asthmatic by any chance?
519
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,700
Could I borrow your huffer?
520
00:35:04,900 --> 00:35:06,000
I don't take drugs of any sort.
521
00:35:06,100 --> 00:35:08,800
I don't believe it's right
to abuse your body like that.
522
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:11,400
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
523
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,100
You haven't been to hell and back.
524
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,700
- Eh?
- Nam!
525
00:35:15,900 --> 00:35:19,500
- You've been to Vietnam?
- I saw the worst of it, kid.
526
00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:26,700
Tet Offensive 1968.
527
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:30,100
Charlie had our backs
against the wall!
528
00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:32,400
There were six of us.
529
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,300
No, there were five of us.
530
00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:41,100
Every gook north of Saigon
was drawing a bead on us.
531
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:00,900
Winyard!
Cover me!
532
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,400
Jim! �Jim!
533
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,500
Thanks Jim, I owe you one!
534
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,100
I wasn't about to see my best buddy
peppered with Charlie's lead.
535
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,800
Three weeks later...
536
00:36:28,900 --> 00:36:32,500
we were on a routine patrol
north of Tai Pang.
537
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,000
Charlie was close...
538
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:39,200
so close
you could almost smell him.
539
00:36:51,300 --> 00:36:52,700
Where's Eightball?
540
00:36:53,100 --> 00:36:54,600
We better go back and look for him.
541
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,200
Eightball!
Thank God!
542
00:37:06,300 --> 00:37:08,900
We thought the gooks
had got you, Eightball.
543
00:37:12,900 --> 00:37:16,500
Drop your weapons and put your hands up
revisionist running dogs.
544
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,500
In the days that followed
I wished a thousand times...
545
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,900
that it was my head
on that stake.
546
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,900
Re-education time
for fascist imperialists.
547
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:40,900
You... read...
548
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,600
You... read.
549
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,800
I can't see, you bastards!
550
00:37:59,100 --> 00:38:02,000
We didn't see Chuck for two days.
551
00:38:02,100 --> 00:38:04,100
We thought he was a goner.
552
00:38:04,300 --> 00:38:08,000
But then on the third night
they brought him back to us.
553
00:38:13,100 --> 00:38:16,500
The bastards had taken his legs.
554
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:22,800
I still say that private enterprise...
555
00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:25,900
is acceptable
at a village level...
556
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,200
providing it is strictly controlled
by the party.
557
00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:34,800
We must not let petty
bourgeois aspirations...
558
00:38:34,900 --> 00:38:38,000
taint socialist pedagogy.
559
00:38:38,500 --> 00:38:42,800
Reform is the enemy
of revolution.
560
00:38:45,300 --> 00:38:49,000
The one hadn't finished with us yet.
561
00:38:49,100 --> 00:38:53,500
Their twisted communist minds
had devised one last torture.
562
00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:31,600
As I stared down
the muzzle of that gun...
563
00:39:31,700 --> 00:39:34,400
I thought of Chuck and Eightball...
564
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,900
and the thousands of others
who had perished...
565
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,300
in that godforsaken wilderness.
566
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,800
I was not afraid to join them.
567
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,300
Let's go out of here1
568
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,000
Help me!
569
00:40:13,700 --> 00:40:15,700
Come on buddy, help me up!
570
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:20,400
Winyard! Winyard!
Don't leave me!
571
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,600
Please!
Dear god-no!
572
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:41,100
It was six months before
I got out that Saigon hospital.
573
00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:45,800
By then I was hooked
on every barbiturate known to man.
574
00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:48,200
Gosh!
What an awful time you've had!
575
00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:49,500
Hey kid...
576
00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:54,000
you want to express your sympathy
in some kind of material away?
577
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:55,600
How can I do that?
578
00:40:55,700 --> 00:40:57,600
Vietnam Vets Association.
579
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,800
We're badly under-funded.
580
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,600
Minimum donation fifty bucks.
581
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,700
Thanks, kid.
582
00:41:13,900 --> 00:41:16,400
The Association was in bad need...
583
00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,600
of a cash injection.
584
00:41:23,300 --> 00:41:26,700
Ooh! Ooh!
What an organ!
585
00:41:32,500 --> 00:41:36,500
Do you really think people
are interested in nasal sex?
586
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,600
Sure boss.
It's the latest fad.
587
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:40,900
You got a title?
588
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,000
I thought:
"Dennis Does Daisy".
589
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:45,700
Nah, that's lousy.
590
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,900
Well how about:
591
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,300
"Anal Antics"?
592
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:52,800
Not bad.
593
00:41:52,900 --> 00:41:54,500
It's got a certain ring to it.
594
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,400
It'll appeal to the intellectuals.
595
00:41:57,700 --> 00:42:00,100
Do you think it'll do as well as
our last release...
596
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,000
and win the Hooker Prize?
597
00:42:04,300 --> 00:42:06,900
You know I'm worried
about Madame Bovine.
598
00:42:07,100 --> 00:42:09,700
We've lost money on
hr last two pictures.
599
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,000
You want her replaced, boss?
600
00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:15,000
I think the public are tired
of big udders.
601
00:42:15,100 --> 00:42:17,800
Find someone young and petite.
602
00:42:21,300 --> 00:42:24,100
Sure thing, boss.
603
00:42:25,700 --> 00:42:27,200
Bring on the next act!
604
00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:30,000
It's the contortionist,
Arbee Bargwan.
605
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,800
I told him he wasn't needed
for half an hour.
606
00:42:32,900 --> 00:42:34,500
He'll be meditating.
607
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,200
Well you'll just have
to interrupt him, won't you?
608
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,000
Never mind.
I'll get him myself.
609
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:50,600
Arbee darling,
I hate to intrude upon nirvana...
610
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,600
but you're needed on stage.
611
00:42:52,900 --> 00:42:57,000
Please don't interrupt me.
I am travelling on the astral plane.
612
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,400
Perhaps you could change
your flight plan...
613
00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:04,100
and grace us mere mortals
with your presence.
614
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,700
I'm impervious to your cynicism.
615
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,500
Listen to me,
you double-jointed freak!
616
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,000
If you're not on stage
in five minutes...
617
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,600
you can consider yourself permanently
disembodied from the show.
618
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,700
Hey!
619
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,900
Oh good gracious, Harry!
620
00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:51,400
Somebody call a doctor!
621
00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:54,000
How are we feeling, Harry?
622
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:58,600
I feel real bad, Doc.
What have I got.
623
00:43:58,700 --> 00:44:02,300
I'll do some tests,
but I don't hold out much hope.
624
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,600
There's only one disease
that fits these symptoms.
625
00:44:05,700 --> 00:44:07,400
It's the big one, Harry.
626
00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:09,300
No!
Not the big one!
627
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,900
I'll have to notify
the health authorities.
628
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,100
They'll want a list of
your sexual partners...
629
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,900
for the last twelve months.
630
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,100
It can't be true!
It can't be!
631
00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:21,200
I've taken precautions!
632
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,500
Ah, tell me Doc...
633
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,800
how long have I got?
634
00:44:26,900 --> 00:44:28,600
It's difficult to tell...
635
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,200
but with a case
as advanced as yours...
636
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,600
ten,
maybe twelve...
637
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,900
- Months?
- Hours.
638
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:38,000
I'm sorry, Harry.
639
00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:41,800
Doc, can you do me
one favour
640
00:44:41,900 --> 00:44:44,200
Sure Harry, shoot.
641
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:48,600
Don't tell anyone.
Let me do the show tonight.
642
00:44:48,700 --> 00:44:50,200
OK Harry.
643
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:54,600
I want to go out
with my reputation intact.
644
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,100
Fat chance Harry!
645
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,500
All right then Arbee,
thrill me!
646
00:45:11,100 --> 00:45:12,700
Hippy shit!
647
00:45:36,300 --> 00:45:41,000
Sorry Guv.
Should I start again?
648
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,000
Move on, move on.
649
00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:06,400
Oh dear!
650
00:46:07,300 --> 00:46:09,100
Are you all right up there?
651
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,800
I seem to have stuck
my head up rectum.
652
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,300
You mean it's not part of your act?
Pity.
653
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,900
We could call it:
"Passage to India".
654
00:46:22,700 --> 00:46:24,700
Come on, come on, uncontort!
655
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,000
Somebody help him!
656
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,100
It's no good Guv,
he's stuck fast.
657
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:35,400
I am in need of assistance here,
please.
658
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:39,400
Oh god, this is it!
This is the last straw!
659
00:46:48,500 --> 00:46:49,600
Bletch!
660
00:46:49,900 --> 00:46:51,200
We've got to talk!
661
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,400
We've got a crisis on our hands!
662
00:46:54,100 --> 00:46:56,100
Winyard's killed his assistant.
663
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:57,600
Arbee's out of action...
664
00:46:57,700 --> 00:47:00,300
Sid's routine is
a complete write-off!!
665
00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:04,500
We've got no alternative but
to reinstate my song!
666
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:05,500
No!
667
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:06,700
Bletch, I'm sorry...
668
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,200
but the show is
in a shambles!
669
00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:11,400
This is a family show,
for Chrissake!
670
00:47:11,500 --> 00:47:13,500
The network would never allow it.
671
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,900
But it's a superb piece of song
and dance...
672
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,300
It'll go down fabulously
with the public.
673
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:20,700
I demand it be included!
674
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,500
Keep your filthy paws
off my furniture!
675
00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:27,300
We've got a wonderful new
interpretation.
676
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,300
It sort of goes like this.
Watch.
677
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,500
The chorus come sin stage left...
678
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,500
and there's a lovely little bit
with a piano...
679
00:47:37,700 --> 00:47:40,200
and that's where I come in
from upstage.
680
00:47:40,300 --> 00:47:42,000
And I sort of pirouette...
681
00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:44,400
and the strings are swirling
around me...
682
00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:45,800
and if you can imagine...
683
00:47:45,900 --> 00:47:48,800
and the cellos re coming in
and it's just...
684
00:47:49,900 --> 00:47:52,200
And I leap across la la!
685
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,200
I say, Bletch,
put me down!
686
00:47:58,300 --> 00:48:01,700
I've had just about enough
of your goddamn compositions.
687
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:06,000
Now get back on the stage
and do your job!
688
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,400
It's your loss, Philistine!
689
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:12,600
Faggot!
690
00:48:22,100 --> 00:48:27,100
Good morning, Frau Heidi!
What will it be today?
691
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,300
Just one of those tiny truffles,
please.
692
00:48:34,300 --> 00:48:36,200
This one...
693
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,300
Will that be all, Frau Heidi?
694
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,100
Something to take away, maybe?
695
00:49:21,700 --> 00:49:23,600
The black forest cherry cake?
696
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Hi Harry!
Just doing a bit of undercover work.
697
00:49:34,100 --> 00:49:36,600
Heh!
That rash on your groin...
698
00:49:36,700 --> 00:49:37,900
Iooks pretty ugly...
699
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,500
and don't taste too good neither.
700
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,400
Get out of my bed, you parasite!
701
00:49:43,500 --> 00:49:46,000
Hold it right here, Harry.
That's great!
702
00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:51,600
Me nuts!
703
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,200
I was sorry to hear
about your fatal disease.
704
00:49:57,300 --> 00:49:58,600
Do you have any comments?
705
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,100
It's a slander,
it's libel!
706
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,400
I have no fatal disease!
I'm perfectly healthy!
707
00:50:04,700 --> 00:50:08,100
Let me just see what
Dr. Quack had to say.
708
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:09,200
Quote:
709
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,500
"There's only one disease
that fits these symptoms.
710
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:15,500
It's the big one, Harry."
711
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:16,700
Unquote.
712
00:50:18,700 --> 00:50:20,400
Move your hand away.
713
00:50:20,500 --> 00:50:22,700
I want some shots of real tears.
714
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,600
Want do you want from me?
Money?
715
00:50:24,700 --> 00:50:26,900
I'll pay you anything.
716
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,200
Sorry, Harry.
717
00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:30,700
You could never pay me
what this story's worth.
718
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:32,700
Wait! Wait!
719
00:50:32,900 --> 00:50:35,200
I'll give you
my life insurance policy.
720
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,700
Life insurance?
Now you're talking.
721
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,900
Come over here,
I'll sign it over to you.
722
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,800
Great, I'll be able to cash it
in this time tomorrow.
723
00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:47,300
Nice try, Harry!
724
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,800
I've got to go, we both
have deadlines to meet.
725
00:50:49,900 --> 00:50:52,200
Get it, Harry?
"Deadline".
726
00:50:52,900 --> 00:50:55,400
That's not a bad one.
Stop press!
727
00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:58,100
Hold the front page!
I got an exclusive!
728
00:51:08,100 --> 00:51:11,600
Here!
You stuck it in the wrong way round!
729
00:51:12,100 --> 00:51:16,000
I'm sorry.
I didn't know worms had nerves.
730
00:51:16,100 --> 00:51:19,700
Since the nightmare of Vietnam
he's been a hopeless drug addict.
731
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:23,300
It made me realise
just how lucky I am.
732
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:26,200
How lucky we both are!
733
00:51:28,900 --> 00:51:31,600
I'm so glad we decided
to get engaged.
734
00:51:32,700 --> 00:51:34,500
Good luck for tonight, Lucy.
735
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,600
- Are you nervous?
- Just a bit.
736
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:37,800
Me too.
737
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,500
Actually I'm terribly nervous.
738
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:42,300
This is my first show.
739
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,200
You'll be wonderful.
I know you will.
740
00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:02,600
I hope I'm not interrupting.
741
00:52:02,700 --> 00:52:05,000
I was just dressing
for the show.
742
00:52:05,100 --> 00:52:06,200
So I see.
743
00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:07,400
What do you want?
744
00:52:08,100 --> 00:52:10,100
A moment of your time.
745
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:12,900
We've got something
to celebrate.
746
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,500
- What's that?
- Your new career.
747
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:19,300
Lucille, I'm going to put you
in the movies.
748
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:20,600
Movies!
749
00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:22,900
I've been watching you
for some time.
750
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,400
You've got
that indefinable something.
751
00:52:25,900 --> 00:52:27,900
Star quality!
752
00:52:28,700 --> 00:52:32,300
That's my real ambition,
to be in films!
753
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,000
I've got a meaty part for you.
754
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:37,800
Will I have to audition?
755
00:52:37,900 --> 00:52:40,500
That's what I'm here for.
756
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,800
I feel woozy.
757
00:52:45,700 --> 00:52:48,500
Let me loosen your clothes.
758
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:53,600
What beautiful white fur
you've got, my dear.
759
00:52:55,900 --> 00:52:57,200
Lucille, you left this...
760
00:52:57,300 --> 00:53:00,100
Hike!
Can't you see that we're busy?
761
00:53:00,500 --> 00:53:02,200
- Lucille!
- Oh, Jesus!
762
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,900
- Robert!
- You've been drinking.
763
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:10,100
It's OK.
I've finished with her anyway.
764
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:14,000
Oh, go for your life, kid.
She's a real good ride.
765
00:53:14,700 --> 00:53:17,600
- How could you do this?
- Robert!
766
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,600
Lucille, ho could you?
767
00:53:20,700 --> 00:53:22,600
No!
Robert!
768
00:53:23,100 --> 00:53:24,800
Wait!
769
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:28,700
Where's she for God's sake?
Look at the time!
770
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,800
It's all right, Guv.
Miss Heidi's arrived on stage.
771
00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:34,800
At last!
From the top!
772
00:53:45,500 --> 00:53:48,000
On a magic night...
773
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,200
when the way you feel...
774
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,700
is a mystery...
775
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,600
that will be revealed...
776
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,500
Could be an angel...
777
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,600
from up above...
778
00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:08,000
with a flower...
779
00:54:08,300 --> 00:54:10,300
from the garden of love.
780
00:54:13,300 --> 00:54:16,400
Garden of love...
781
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,600
On another day...
782
00:54:26,700 --> 00:54:29,400
it may come again...
783
00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:33,500
It's a Valentine...
784
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:35,900
from a special friend.
785
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,500
That certain someone...
786
00:54:40,700 --> 00:54:42,700
you'be been thinking of...
787
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,300
with a flower from the garden...
788
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,500
the garden of love...
789
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:58,700
garden of love...
790
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:08,900
There are mysteries
that no one knows...
791
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:14,500
someone offers you
a simple rose...
792
00:55:14,700 --> 00:55:18,900
There's no limit to...
793
00:55:47,700 --> 00:55:49,000
It wasn't my fault.
794
00:55:49,100 --> 00:55:52,000
You've been over-eating again
795
00:55:52,100 --> 00:55:53,100
No I haven't.
796
00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:58,100
There is black forest cherry cake
in your cleavage.
797
00:55:58,900 --> 00:56:00,300
How did that get there?
798
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,700
You know what chocolate
does to your system.
799
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:04,900
It was only a small wedge.
800
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,200
Your contract states
you are forbidden...
801
00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:09,500
to eat gateaux
on the day of a performance.
802
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:12,300
- I was depressed.
- You're depressed!
803
00:56:12,500 --> 00:56:16,300
We're going out live in three hours,
for godsake.
804
00:56:16,500 --> 00:56:19,700
Don't speak to me like that.
You don't understand.
805
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,500
None of you understand!
806
00:56:23,700 --> 00:56:26,800
Bletch... Bletch...
807
00:56:27,100 --> 00:56:31,800
Suddenly I feel very very old.
808
00:56:36,300 --> 00:56:38,600
Bletch!
Don't you want to have me?
809
00:56:38,700 --> 00:56:40,200
I must talk to you.
810
00:56:40,300 --> 00:56:41,800
Say you love only me!
811
00:56:41,900 --> 00:56:43,300
Don't you love me?
812
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,400
Don't you, Bletch?
813
00:56:46,100 --> 00:56:48,500
Oh... er...
814
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,400
Bletch?
815
00:57:01,900 --> 00:57:02,900
No!
816
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,800
Heidi!
It's not what you think.
817
00:57:05,300 --> 00:57:06,200
Heidi!
818
00:57:19,500 --> 00:57:21,500
Miss Heidi,
what on earth's the matter?
819
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:30,400
Damn!
820
00:57:53,900 --> 00:57:55,700
What took you so long?
821
00:57:55,900 --> 00:57:58,300
We were starting to think
you weren't going to show.
822
00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:03,300
We had some trouble
with Customs snooping around.
823
00:58:03,500 --> 00:58:04,500
Is it all there?
824
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:06,100
Yeah, yeah.
It's all there.
825
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:07,300
I've got to go.
826
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,000
Not so fast.
827
00:58:09,300 --> 00:58:11,400
It's all there, I tell you.
828
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,500
What's the hurry, Louie?
829
00:58:16,500 --> 00:58:19,900
It's one hundred per cent
pure-uncut.
830
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,500
I'm sure it is.
831
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:23,900
Barry, do me a line.
832
00:58:36,300 --> 00:58:38,400
Some contracts
for you to sign, Mr. Bletch.
833
00:58:39,500 --> 00:58:42,000
Here Dennis.
I've got a little treat for you.
834
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:45,500
Don't mind if I do Mr. Bletch.
835
00:59:14,700 --> 00:59:15,800
Borax!
836
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,200
Honest to God,
I didn't know.
837
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,100
I'm as surprised as you are.
838
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,300
Please Mr. Bletch,
let's talk about this.
839
00:59:23,500 --> 00:59:25,300
I think that's a very good idea.
840
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:27,200
Where's the merchandise?
841
00:59:28,100 --> 00:59:31,400
It's... it's...
842
00:59:31,500 --> 00:59:33,200
Speak up.
I can't hear you.
843
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,900
It's down on the docks.
844
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:40,100
Mr. Big's shipping it out
tonight.
845
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:41,400
Whereabouts on the docks?
846
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,100
Shed 11.
847
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,600
There, that wasn't so hard,
was it?
848
00:59:47,700 --> 00:59:51,100
What are we going to do
with all this borax?
849
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:54,000
You seem a bit congested, Louie.
850
00:59:54,100 --> 00:59:56,600
Maybe your passages need
cleaning.
851
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:58,600
I don't understand.
852
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,600
Say "ah".
853
01:00:00,700 --> 01:00:02,800
Oh, no... no!
854
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:06,400
No, Mr. Bletch, please!
855
01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:19,400
You liquidated him real good,
boss.
856
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:31,200
I think it's time we paid out
Mr. Big a visit.
857
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:35,800
Bletch...
858
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,900
- I'm sorry, the show's off.
- What are you talking about?
859
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:41,200
Heidi refuses to perform.
860
01:00:41,300 --> 01:00:44,900
The network won't proceed without her
and cancel the transmission.
861
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,900
What do you mean?
Of course she'll perform.
862
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:48,000
I'm sorry Bletch.
863
01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:51,700
She's locked herself in her room
and won't talk to anyone.
864
01:00:52,500 --> 01:00:54,700
Give me five minutes.
865
01:00:55,900 --> 01:00:58,300
It's all over.
Go home everybody.
866
01:00:58,400 --> 01:00:59,500
It's kaput.
867
01:00:59,700 --> 01:01:01,000
Finito!
Buggered!
868
01:01:01,100 --> 01:01:03,600
It's all off!
869
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:07,100
Oh my goodness!
Steady me, Barton.
870
01:01:07,300 --> 01:01:10,100
I think I'm going to faint.
871
01:01:10,900 --> 01:01:14,100
Heidi!
It's Bletch!
872
01:01:20,900 --> 01:01:24,300
Heidi,
I want to make love to you.
873
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,400
Oh, Bletch!
874
01:01:26,500 --> 01:01:31,100
You drive me crazy.
Come over here and undo my buttons!
875
01:01:34,100 --> 01:01:36,800
You mad impetuous brute!
876
01:01:37,900 --> 01:01:40,300
I knew you'd come.
877
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,200
Somebody call the network.
878
01:02:05,300 --> 01:02:08,600
The show will go on!
879
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:31,700
So I got out my razor
and slit his throat.
880
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,200
Then I buggered the bastard.
881
01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:36,800
Oh, strut Cedric.
882
01:02:36,900 --> 01:02:39,400
It's bad enough getting wasted,
but...
883
01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:43,600
to have your last living memory
being rooted by a Scots psychopath...
884
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,800
it's what I call a real bummer,
mate.
885
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,600
What's that?
886
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,300
Bastards!
887
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:49,500
I'm buggered!
888
01:03:54,100 --> 01:03:56,700
Right men, let's load up.
889
01:04:10,700 --> 01:04:12,400
That's the lot, boss.
890
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:14,900
Time we made ourselves scarce.
891
01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:24,700
Aaah!
892
01:04:24,900 --> 01:04:26,600
Oh, no!
893
01:04:26,700 --> 01:04:30,400
Help me boss!
894
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:35,700
Move it, Trevor!
895
01:04:39,600 --> 01:04:42,600
Oh Jesus!
Shit!
896
01:04:44,900 --> 01:04:46,600
Drive, for Chrissake!
897
01:04:48,900 --> 01:04:50,200
Plant boot!
898
01:04:56,300 --> 01:04:59,200
God I hate arachnids!
899
01:05:19,700 --> 01:05:21,800
Christ-it's Mr. Big!
900
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:28,500
Hello Bletch.
Where are you going?
901
01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:31,500
I'm taking what's mine.
Don't try to stop us.
902
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:35,800
You're out of your league,
little fella.
903
01:05:35,900 --> 01:05:38,500
Kiss your arse goodbye!
904
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:39,600
Take him out Trevor.
905
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:52,600
Change down Trevor,
the duodenum's pretty steep.
906
01:05:58,500 --> 01:06:00,400
Which way, boss?
Left or right?
907
01:06:00,500 --> 01:06:01,700
Follow the light.
908
01:06:10,100 --> 01:06:12,300
Get me back to the theatre
double quick!
909
01:06:12,500 --> 01:06:13,900
Sure thing, boss.
910
01:06:14,500 --> 01:06:17,500
I'll have to change my suit.
I'm covered in ambergris.
911
01:06:21,900 --> 01:06:24,100
Where's Harry?
He's meant to be here!
912
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,500
Move the carrot to the left.
Have you focused the spot?
913
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:28,500
Where's Harry for God's sake?
914
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:30,900
Don't look like
Harry's going to perform.
915
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:32,300
He's had a bad turn.
916
01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:33,600
No problem...
917
01:06:33,700 --> 01:06:36,100
We'll bring forward
"The Garden of Love".
918
01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:37,900
We're on a roll everybody.
919
01:06:38,500 --> 01:06:41,900
Miss Heidi, you look radiant.
920
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,900
Dorothy, I feel radiant!
921
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:48,100
Tonight will be
the performance of my life!
922
01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:51,400
- Kill me if you want to, Harry.
- It's too lat.
923
01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:54,700
It won't make any difference.
The story's already gone to press.
924
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:58,000
You overgrown maggot!
You're bluffing!
925
01:06:58,100 --> 01:06:59,600
Am I Harry?
926
01:06:59,700 --> 01:07:01,300
Extra! Extra!
Read all about it!
927
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:04,000
Famous Feeble has
death row sex disease!
928
01:07:04,100 --> 01:07:09,000
Congratulations,
you're front-page news.
929
01:07:09,500 --> 01:07:12,100
Extra, extra!
Read all about it!
930
01:07:12,700 --> 01:07:15,500
Extra!
�Extra, extra!
931
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:18,300
Sex disease strikes
Feeble fraternity.
932
01:07:18,500 --> 01:07:20,700
Thank you, ma'am.
Extra, extra!
933
01:07:20,800 --> 01:07:22,700
Sex disease...
Thank you, sir.
934
01:07:25,900 --> 01:07:28,800
Jesus Christ!
Do you know anything about this?
935
01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:30,300
Not a thing, boss.
936
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:34,200
Why couldn't that bed-hopping bunny
keep his member to himself?
937
01:07:34,300 --> 01:07:36,100
Who wrote this crap?
938
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:37,900
I've got a good idea, boss.
939
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:39,600
Find him!
940
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:45,100
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.
941
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:48,500
Welcome to the newest,
the greatest...
942
01:07:48,500 --> 01:07:50,900
the most spectacular show...
943
01:07:51,100 --> 01:07:53,100
in entertainment history.
944
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:55,200
Put your hand together...,
945
01:07:55,300 --> 01:07:59,000
for the fabulous
Feebles Variety Hour!
946
01:08:04,300 --> 01:08:07,500
Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles.
947
01:08:08,100 --> 01:08:11,000
We're not average ordinary people.
948
01:08:11,100 --> 01:08:14,900
Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles.
949
01:08:15,300 --> 01:08:18,000
This is a historic moment, Arthur.
950
01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:22,300
Tonight we rocket
into superstardom!
951
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:25,800
It's an honour to be a part of it,
Mr. Bletch.
952
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:30,200
Be sure we guarantee
to amuse you.
953
01:08:30,300 --> 01:08:32,200
Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles.
954
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:37,700
Hey Trev,
I've got fifty bucks, man.
955
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:39,800
I've got to have it.
I'm on real soon.
956
01:08:39,900 --> 01:08:43,100
This is serious, man.
Look at my hands.
957
01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:44,800
Come with me.
958
01:08:45,900 --> 01:08:46,900
Gorblimey!
959
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,400
Is that a real Havana, Mr. Bletch?
960
01:08:49,500 --> 01:08:51,900
Would you like one, Arthur?
961
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:53,400
Would I ever?
962
01:09:04,500 --> 01:09:07,800
Thanks a million, Mr. Bletch.
You're a scholar and a gent.
963
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,600
I haven't had one of these
since my twenty first.
964
01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:21,300
It's a real man's smoke,
ain't it, Mr. Bletch?
965
01:09:44,900 --> 01:09:46,600
On another day...
966
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:49,800
it may come again...
967
01:09:50,900 --> 01:09:53,500
it's a Valentine...
968
01:09:53,700 --> 01:09:56,400
from a special friend...
969
01:09:57,500 --> 01:09:59,300
that certain someone...
970
01:10:00,300 --> 01:10:03,200
Bletch,
it's going fabulously!
971
01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,000
I've just heard
from the network.
972
01:10:05,300 --> 01:10:08,100
They've confirmed
a syndicated series!
973
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:13,000
And the critics!
The critics are adoring it!
974
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:16,300
A syndicated series, eh?
975
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:18,800
Well done, Sebastian.
976
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:21,100
I can see the headlines now.
977
01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:23,600
"Director's Artistic Genius...
978
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:26,100
Makes Feeble Evening...
979
01:10:26,300 --> 01:10:28,400
Outstanding Success".
980
01:10:28,700 --> 01:10:30,800
I've got to go on!
981
01:10:30,900 --> 01:10:32,500
I've got to go on!
982
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:34,400
My public loves me.
983
01:10:34,500 --> 01:10:36,400
I can't disappoint them.
984
01:10:37,500 --> 01:10:40,200
Robert, we have to talk.
985
01:10:40,300 --> 01:10:42,000
We've nothing to say each other.
986
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:44,200
I want to tell you what happened.
987
01:10:44,300 --> 01:10:45,700
I thought you were nice.
988
01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:47,200
I am nice.
989
01:10:47,300 --> 01:10:49,400
No, you're not.
You're loose!
990
01:10:50,600 --> 01:10:52,600
- And you drink!
- No!
991
01:10:53,700 --> 01:10:55,900
You're nothing but
a loose lush, Lucille!
992
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:59,000
And... I never want
to see you again.
993
01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:12,100
The garden of love...
994
01:11:23,300 --> 01:11:26,400
I say everyone,
who's the dirty person...
995
01:11:26,600 --> 01:11:30,800
who did the great big stinky poo
that's blocking up the toilet?
996
01:11:31,100 --> 01:11:34,300
God Trevor, must you be
so disgusting?
997
01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:36,000
Oh, choice!
998
01:11:45,400 --> 01:11:47,000
What are you doing?
Let me go!
999
01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:50,800
You've been telling stories again,
haven't you?
1000
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:54,400
You got a problem with the article,
write to the editor.
1001
01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,300
That won't be necessary.
1002
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:58,800
Help me!
1003
01:11:59,600 --> 01:12:03,000
What do you know, boss,
a left-wing reporter!
1004
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:06,200
We can't have a biased press,
can we Trevor?
1005
01:12:06,300 --> 01:12:07,500
No boss.
1006
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:18,200
Now that's what I call
an impartial journalist.
1007
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:34,300
Hello Bletch!
1008
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:37,600
Heidi!
What the hell are you doing here?
1009
01:12:37,700 --> 01:12:39,100
Congratulations!
1010
01:12:39,300 --> 01:12:42,100
The show is a wonderful success!
1011
01:12:42,500 --> 01:12:43,500
What do you want?
1012
01:12:43,700 --> 01:12:46,500
Our encounter this afternoon
was so brief!
1013
01:12:46,900 --> 01:12:50,300
I thought you might like
a second helping.
1014
01:12:51,300 --> 01:12:52,200
Heidi!
1015
01:12:52,300 --> 01:12:54,800
For Chrissake
put your dress back on!
1016
01:12:54,900 --> 01:12:56,600
Come and sit next to me.
1017
01:12:56,900 --> 01:12:59,900
If it's too hot for you,
I can turn on the air conditioning.
1018
01:13:00,100 --> 01:13:03,900
I'm hot Bletch,
but not the way you think.
1019
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:08,300
You're not feeling shy,
are you Bletch?
1020
01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:13,200
Do you remember that time
in Paris?
1021
01:13:13,300 --> 01:13:17,000
We didn't leave the hotel
for three whole days!
1022
01:13:17,100 --> 01:13:18,100
I remember all right.
1023
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:20,700
I had to go to the hospital
with severe chafing.
1024
01:13:20,800 --> 01:13:22,200
Kiss me, Bletch!
1025
01:13:22,300 --> 01:13:25,000
Get away from me!
You shuddering mound of blubber!
1026
01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:28,200
Have you any idea
how revolting you look?
1027
01:13:28,300 --> 01:13:29,800
Bletch... no!
1028
01:13:29,900 --> 01:13:31,700
You disgust me!
Look at you!
1029
01:13:31,700 --> 01:13:34,600
You're old and you're fat...
and you smell bad...
1030
01:13:34,700 --> 01:13:35,700
Aggh!
1031
01:13:35,800 --> 01:13:36,700
No!
1032
01:13:36,900 --> 01:13:38,700
I was going to wait
till after the show...
1033
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:40,300
but I might as well tell you now.
1034
01:13:40,400 --> 01:13:43,300
You're through with the Feebles!
I don't need you!
1035
01:13:43,500 --> 01:13:45,900
I've got a syndicated series...
1036
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,400
and I'm grooming Samantha
to be the star.
1037
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:49,800
No!
1038
01:13:49,900 --> 01:13:53,200
I hope you enjoyed tonight.
That was your last performance!
1039
01:13:53,300 --> 01:13:55,300
Now get out of here!
1040
01:14:30,600 --> 01:14:34,900
And now, someone
who needs no introduction.
1041
01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:37,800
Heeere's...
1042
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:38,900
Well.
1043
01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:40,800
...Harry...
1044
01:15:00,100 --> 01:15:01,900
Yipiii!
1045
01:15:11,900 --> 01:15:13,200
Launch!
1046
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:15,800
Come on!
Launch the carrot!
1047
01:15:19,500 --> 01:15:22,700
What am I going to do?
Oh my god!
1048
01:15:23,200 --> 01:15:25,700
Sidney, you're going to have
to fill in for a few minutes.
1049
01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:29,200
But... I've got to go the toilet.
1050
01:15:29,300 --> 01:15:30,700
Improvise!
1051
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:32,200
Lmprovise!
1052
01:15:32,800 --> 01:15:36,000
But I've got a really weak bladder.
1053
01:15:38,600 --> 01:15:39,800
Say something!
1054
01:15:39,900 --> 01:15:42,000
Go on, say something!
Anything!
1055
01:15:43,100 --> 01:15:46,700
The show is going really well,
I think.
1056
01:15:54,400 --> 01:15:56,800
Goodbye, Bletch.
1057
01:16:04,300 --> 01:16:08,100
We'll drop the barrel balancing act
and bring the knife throwing forward.
1058
01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:11,800
Where the hell is Winyard?
Why isn't anybody listening to me?
1059
01:16:12,500 --> 01:16:15,300
And so without further ado
please give a big hand...
1060
01:16:15,500 --> 01:16:18,100
for our fabulous knife thrower.
1061
01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:19,200
Sidney!
1062
01:16:20,300 --> 01:16:22,200
Oh, no!
1063
01:16:22,300 --> 01:16:24,400
You philandering bastard!
1064
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:28,100
Sandy, not in front of all the people!
1065
01:16:28,200 --> 01:16:30,600
What I have to say
I want the world to know.
1066
01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:33,900
He may look like
a lovable old pachyderm...
1067
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,400
but he's a steaming great shit!
1068
01:16:35,500 --> 01:16:37,300
I don't believe it!
1069
01:16:46,400 --> 01:16:50,300
Goodbye life!
Hello death!
1070
01:17:10,300 --> 01:17:14,300
Hey Seb!
God to see you, man.
1071
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:16,900
Pull yourself together!
You're next up!
1072
01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:22,400
Have you ever noticed
the beautiful lighting in this toilet?
1073
01:17:23,200 --> 01:17:25,300
He used me to vent
his lustful passions...
1074
01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:27,900
but as soon as I was up the duff
it was another story.
1075
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:31,300
He had his pleasure
and left me with this.
1076
01:17:31,400 --> 01:17:33,200
Dadda!
1077
01:17:33,300 --> 01:17:35,400
Seymour, run to Daddy.
1078
01:17:35,500 --> 01:17:37,200
Dadda! Dadda!
1079
01:17:37,300 --> 01:17:39,200
Oh, no!
Look, I've got to go.
1080
01:17:39,300 --> 01:17:40,900
I've got an urgent call of nature.
1081
01:17:42,100 --> 01:17:44,100
That's right, run away!
1082
01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:46,100
That's what you've always done.
1083
01:17:48,700 --> 01:17:51,700
I don't think I'm going to make it!
1084
01:17:55,000 --> 01:17:57,900
Oh yes, a good conditioner
works wonders on my coat.
1085
01:17:58,600 --> 01:18:00,900
Oh, Sid, no!
1086
01:18:01,100 --> 01:18:03,900
Oh sorry guys.
I was bursting.
1087
01:18:04,000 --> 01:18:05,200
Oh Sid-you bastard!
1088
01:18:05,300 --> 01:18:07,700
You're supposed to wait
till it's all clear!
1089
01:18:07,900 --> 01:18:10,100
Thanks a lot, Sid!
I'm on in five minutes.
1090
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:21,100
Goodbye life!
1091
01:18:31,900 --> 01:18:33,600
Oh, there it is!
1092
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:42,100
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
1093
01:18:42,500 --> 01:18:44,200
Don't let me stop you.
1094
01:18:47,700 --> 01:18:50,500
I think you'll find
the safety catch is on.
1095
01:18:54,700 --> 01:18:59,000
Eat lead you man-stealing slut!
1096
01:19:15,600 --> 01:19:18,900
Oh yeah!
Hey, wow!
1097
01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:21,000
Amazing!
1098
01:19:25,900 --> 01:19:27,200
Bastard!
1099
01:19:30,800 --> 01:19:31,700
Bastard!
1100
01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:38,600
Ach!
1101
01:19:53,900 --> 01:19:56,700
That's it!
I'm left no alternative!
1102
01:19:56,800 --> 01:20:00,700
I don't care what Bletch says.
We're doing my song!
1103
01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:04,700
It's up to me to save the show,
as usual.
1104
01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:07,400
All right, everybody!
As we rehearsed!
1105
01:20:07,900 --> 01:20:09,400
Ah, please God!
1106
01:20:09,500 --> 01:20:12,900
I know I've been a bad bunny...
1107
01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:17,300
but if you make me well again
I promise... promise...
1108
01:20:17,400 --> 01:20:20,200
I'll be good
for the rest of my life.
1109
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:24,100
- What?
- Hi Harry.
1110
01:20:24,200 --> 01:20:27,000
I've just received your test results...
1111
01:20:27,100 --> 01:20:28,400
and guess what...
1112
01:20:28,500 --> 01:20:31,200
- I made a boo boo.
- A boo boo?
1113
01:20:31,300 --> 01:20:33,400
Yeah Harry.
You're in the clear.
1114
01:20:33,700 --> 01:20:36,300
You just got a bad case
of bunny pox.
1115
01:20:36,900 --> 01:20:40,200
Take two aspirins
and stay in bed for a week.
1116
01:20:41,300 --> 01:20:43,000
I'll send you my bill.
1117
01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:46,800
Yippeee!
1118
01:20:46,900 --> 01:20:48,900
Yipeeee!
1119
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:51,700
I'm in the clear everybody!
1120
01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:54,900
I haven't got it!
I haven't got myxamatosis!
1121
01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:56,400
I haven't got myx...
1122
01:21:04,800 --> 01:21:07,600
He wouldn't dare!
1123
01:21:08,200 --> 01:21:10,000
Oh Christ, he's not!
1124
01:21:10,200 --> 01:21:12,500
Oh yes he is, boss.
1125
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:22,400
Sodomy...
1126
01:21:22,500 --> 01:21:24,100
you must think it
very odd of me...
1127
01:21:24,200 --> 01:21:26,900
that I enjoy the act of sodomy.
1128
01:21:27,100 --> 01:21:29,400
You might call the wrath
of God on me...
1129
01:21:29,500 --> 01:21:35,200
but if you try it then you might agree
that you enjoy the act of sodomy.
1130
01:21:40,900 --> 01:21:45,200
Don't worry if you feel ashamed.
It's been around for years.
1131
01:21:45,300 --> 01:21:48,700
Thousands more than can be named
are interested in rears.
1132
01:21:49,300 --> 01:21:51,900
Don't worry about hell...
1133
01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:54,000
no harm will come to your soul.
1134
01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:59,600
We're not all Pentecostal,
but everybody's got an arsehole.
1135
01:22:00,700 --> 01:22:03,500
Let me tell you about sodomy.
1136
01:22:03,600 --> 01:22:05,800
You must think it very odd of me...
1137
01:22:05,900 --> 01:22:08,700
that I enjoy the act of sodomy.
1138
01:22:08,800 --> 01:22:11,500
You may call the wrath of God
on me...
1139
01:22:11,700 --> 01:22:17,100
but if you try it then you might agree
that you enjoy the act of sodomy.
1140
01:22:17,800 --> 01:22:22,500
It might just improve your sex,
it's a hard act to follow.
1141
01:22:22,600 --> 01:22:25,600
A fact that fundamentalists
find difficult to swallow.
1142
01:22:27,000 --> 01:22:28,400
So join me as I sing...
1143
01:22:28,600 --> 01:22:32,100
of an activity that's fun.
1144
01:22:32,200 --> 01:22:37,500
Open up your ring
and try it front to bum.
1145
01:22:37,600 --> 01:22:40,400
Bum, bum, bum, bum...
1146
01:22:40,600 --> 01:22:41,800
Sodomy...
1147
01:22:41,900 --> 01:22:44,500
you must think it very odd of me...
1148
01:22:44,600 --> 01:22:47,500
that I enjoy the act of sodomy.
1149
01:22:47,600 --> 01:22:50,400
You might call the wrath of God
on me...
1150
01:22:50,600 --> 01:22:57,200
but if you try it then you might agree
that you enjoy the act of sodomy.
1151
01:23:01,300 --> 01:23:02,700
Sodomy!
1152
01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:19,000
- Trevor.
- Yes boss?
1153
01:23:19,100 --> 01:23:22,200
I want that fudge-packer eliminated.
1154
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,900
Now put that gun down Heidi.
1155
01:23:31,400 --> 01:23:34,600
You're not solving anything
by massacring people.
1156
01:23:41,300 --> 01:23:44,500
Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles...
1157
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:48,000
we're not average ordinary people...
1158
01:23:48,100 --> 01:23:52,100
Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles...
1159
01:24:24,000 --> 01:24:25,300
My god!
1160
01:24:25,500 --> 01:24:27,800
Oh god no!
1161
01:25:09,300 --> 01:25:10,800
Seymour!
1162
01:25:11,700 --> 01:25:12,800
Seymour!
1163
01:25:15,700 --> 01:25:19,300
I'm coming!
Seymour!
1164
01:25:24,800 --> 01:25:27,300
Daddy...
1165
01:25:28,200 --> 01:25:31,000
Daddy is here!
Seymour!
1166
01:25:31,100 --> 01:25:33,700
Seymour!
1167
01:25:40,200 --> 01:25:42,100
Daddy!
1168
01:26:14,800 --> 01:26:17,100
I don't care what you've done,
Lucille.
1169
01:26:17,200 --> 01:26:19,200
I love you so very very much...
1170
01:26:19,300 --> 01:26:21,200
and I want you to marry me.
1171
01:26:21,300 --> 01:26:24,900
Oh Robert, I love you too!
1172
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:27,400
I was never unfaithful,
it was Trevor.
1173
01:26:27,500 --> 01:26:30,300
He drugged my drink
and tried to ravish me.
1174
01:26:30,800 --> 01:26:32,400
That dirty rat!
1175
01:26:37,100 --> 01:26:38,100
Heidi!
1176
01:26:40,900 --> 01:26:42,700
Put the gun down!
1177
01:27:18,200 --> 01:27:21,400
Heidi, for godsake!
1178
01:27:25,300 --> 01:27:29,400
Heidi, I still love you!
1179
01:27:34,800 --> 01:27:37,200
Bletch...
1180
01:27:48,200 --> 01:27:50,300
Kill her, Trevor!
1181
01:27:50,400 --> 01:27:52,400
Lt'll be a pleasure, boss.
1182
01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:55,400
You rotter!
1183
01:28:16,300 --> 01:28:17,900
Shit!
1184
01:28:34,400 --> 01:28:39,000
Miss Heidi,
I know you're a real star...
1185
01:28:39,100 --> 01:28:41,800
but I'm afraid I'm going to
have to dob you in.
1186
01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:47,000
Could you do
one last thing for me, Arthur?
1187
01:28:48,000 --> 01:28:49,800
Anything, Miss Heidi.
1188
01:28:51,900 --> 01:28:54,800
Play
"The Garden of Love".
1189
01:29:03,600 --> 01:29:06,800
On a magic night...
1190
01:29:07,900 --> 01:29:11,100
when the way you feel...
1191
01:29:12,200 --> 01:29:15,100
is a mystery...
1192
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:19,100
it will be revealed...
1193
01:29:19,900 --> 01:29:23,500
Could be an angel...
1194
01:29:23,600 --> 01:29:27,000
from up above...
1195
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:31,800
with a flower from the garden...
1196
01:29:32,000 --> 01:29:36,300
the garden of love...
1197
01:29:39,400 --> 01:29:44,800
garden of love...
1198
01:30:37,900 --> 01:30:40,900
Extracted from DVD by mariscalfito
Adjusted for cinemageddon.org