1
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,125
[DELTA SPIRIT'S TRASHCAN
PLAYING]
2
00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:59,875
Brothers, hold the line?
3
00:01:00,042 --> 00:01:04,167
Till we got something?
4
00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:11,917
This world is way too small?
5
00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:15,375
To feel like nothing?
6
00:01:19,417 --> 00:01:22,375
I was found near
The train tracks?
7
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:26,875
Looking so homeless at you?
8
00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:31,708
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
9
00:01:31,875 --> 00:01:34,125
You came like a copper?
10
00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:37,333
You said
"Son, it's time to move?
11
00:01:43,792 --> 00:01:47,125
My love is comin'
I can barely hardly wait?
12
00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:51,208
Around?
13
00:01:55,542 --> 00:01:57,375
See you, Cal.
14
00:01:57,542 --> 00:01:59,458
Well, if you hide
Your questions?
15
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:01,917
[IMITATES EXPLOSION
THEN LAUGHS]
16
00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:05,083
There: no answer?
17
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,875
I finally found the cure?
18
00:02:08,042 --> 00:02:09,958
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
19
00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:13,583
For my own cancer?
20
00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:16,542
Yeah, yeah?
21
00:02:16,708 --> 00:02:18,458
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
22
00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:20,833
Sue, no, no, no!
23
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,375
Kill yourself on your own time.
24
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,333
My heart is thumpin'?
25
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,208
I can feel it mom
With every beet?
26
00:02:30,042 --> 00:02:33,417
My love is coming'
I can barely hardly wait?
27
00:02:36,125 --> 00:02:39,208
Around?
28
00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:41,542
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
29
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,667
[CROWD CHEERING]
30
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:53,042
[NASHVILLE PUSSY'S
COME ON COME ON PLAYING]
31
00:03:00,125 --> 00:03:02,458
According
to the Art of War by Sun Tzu,
32
00:03:02,625 --> 00:03:05,625
every battle is won and lost
before it is fought.
33
00:03:05,792 --> 00:03:07,708
Well, then I guess
you've already lost.
34
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:14,375
Oh, that's not very sportsmanlike.
Let's fucking go!
35
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,958
[ENGINES REVVING]
36
00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:18,750
[McCRUDDEN YELLS]
37
00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:20,375
I ain't gain to hell with you?
38
00:03:20,542 --> 00:03:25,125
That: alright now, baby
Just one last thing on my mind?
39
00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:29,208
Some say?
Come on, come on, come on?
40
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,625
Fuck, yeah?
41
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:32,875
[CHEERING]
42
00:03:33,042 --> 00:03:36,042
[SIREN WAILING]
43
00:03:36,208 --> 00:03:39,833
Fuck, yeah
Come on, come on, come on?
44
00:03:40,583 --> 00:03:43,375
Ladies. Hi again.
45
00:03:43,542 --> 00:03:45,333
This is the third time
we've been out.
46
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,042
I know.
We're shutting this down.
47
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,917
You don't wanna shut the party down.
You wanna join us.
48
00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:53,375
Why don't you put the guns in
the car and you come on in?
49
00:03:53,542 --> 00:03:55,750
Hey, Bill.
Sorry I'm late, buddy.
50
00:03:55,917 --> 00:03:57,792
Fucking Map Quest.
I know it, bro.
51
00:03:57,958 --> 00:04:00,667
I'm right with you with that shit.
Look, guys.
52
00:04:00,833 --> 00:04:04,292
Is this about earlier? When you first
came, I thought you were strippers?
53
00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:07,750
Because that was an accident.
You're just very attractive.
54
00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:09,208
Those uniforms are banging.
55
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:12,708
If we have to come out here
again, it's a $1000 fine.
56
00:04:12,875 --> 00:04:14,875
Close it down.
Okay.
57
00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:16,250
Message received.
58
00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:17,750
It's done.
You have my word.
59
00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:20,708
I'm gonna go inside,
get on the mike, shut it down.
60
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:23,708
BOTH:? Johnny, rosin up your
bow And play your fiddle hard?
61
00:04:23,875 --> 00:04:25,542
? Cause hell's broke loose
In Georgia?
62
00:04:25,708 --> 00:04:27,542
? And the devil deals
The cards?
63
00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:29,833
? And if you win
You'll get this shiny?
64
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,292
? Fiddle made of gold?
65
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:34,958
? But if you lose
The devil gels your soul?'
66
00:04:37,375 --> 00:04:39,875
I don't understand why you
won't just put it on.
67
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,125
Because I don't
find the notion of mocking
68
00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:45,042
the American underclass
as amusing as your friends do,
69
00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:47,875
and because I don't share
your desperate need to fit in.
70
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:50,958
By not putting the wig on,
you are setting yourself
71
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,542
and me apart from my friends,
72
00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:55,500
which is a controlling
and hostile gesture.
73
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:57,083
Fine.
74
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,208
Happy now?
Yes.
75
00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,667
Now I'm Mr. Fun Times.
I'm very happy. Thank you.
76
00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:05,875
I'm going for a smoke.
77
00:05:06,042 --> 00:05:08,625
Good, because
it's a fucking costume party.
78
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,958
Do we need to talk
quietly around her?
79
00:05:14,125 --> 00:05:16,542
Oh, no, no, no.
She sleeps through anything.
80
00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:18,125
Yes, you do.
81
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:22,542
When the babysitter bailed, Glenn and I were
like, 'Fuck it.' We have missed every party.
82
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:24,708
No way we're missing
the White Trash Bash.
83
00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:28,417
Give it up for Glenn.
Glenn's getting married soon.
84
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,833
I really did it.
85
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,375
Aww.
86
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:34,667
What's the deal with your
bachelorette weekend?
87
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,208
Yeah!
I think it's gonna be
88
00:05:36,375 --> 00:05:38,250
more of a bachelorette night.
89
00:05:38,417 --> 00:05:42,083
And it's gonna be at
my folks' place in Jersey.
90
00:05:42,792 --> 00:05:45,208
Oh.
Sorry.
91
00:05:45,375 --> 00:05:47,792
That's gonna be fine.
That's totally fine.
92
00:05:47,958 --> 00:05:49,208
Has anyone seen Glenn?
93
00:05:49,375 --> 00:05:51,958
Human torpedo!
94
00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:54,417
[WILLIE AND ME'S
'NORTH CAROLINA' PLAYING]
95
00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:57,042
[ALL YELLING]
96
00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:02,375
[SCREAMS THEN GROANS]
97
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:06,250
It's okay.
He's a doctor.
98
00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:07,625
[ALL CHEERING]
99
00:06:10,708 --> 00:06:12,542
Hey, buttheads,
you guys seen Duquez?
100
00:06:12,708 --> 00:06:14,583
Will you relax
with the doughnuts?
101
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,875
Oh, sweetie, I want to. I'm trying to push
the savory and all they want is the sweet.
102
00:06:19,042 --> 00:06:20,292
I promise you no one cares.
103
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,708
Hey. Where the fuck
are the doughnuts?
104
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:24,208
Except him.
105
00:06:24,542 --> 00:06:26,625
Guess what.
D. Duquez is AWOL.
106
00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:30,208
That is unacceptable.
I goth have it out with that guy.
107
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:32,042
ALISON:
Like the doughnut police.
108
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,708
Hey, get off of that thing.
It's Saturday night.
109
00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:38,375
Well, it's Sunday in Korea, and those
motherfuckers don't stop working.
110
00:06:38,542 --> 00:06:40,792
They make the Japanese
look like Jamaicans.
111
00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:44,083
Is that the new blackberry?
Yes, it is. Got it at the office.
112
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:47,375
As punishment for not dressing up,
I'm putting this down my pants.
113
00:06:47,542 --> 00:06:49,458
No, no, no.
Just don't do that.
114
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:51,083
My dick's checking your e-mail.
115
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:52,917
I'm sending a text.
Don't do that.
116
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:55,875
You have my life in your pants.
You cocksucker.
117
00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,292
[LAUGHING]
118
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,875
? North Carolina?
119
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,208
? How kind will she be??'
120
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,000
Hey, you two, get a room
or get a video camera.
121
00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:09,167
Whoo!
122
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:10,958
Hello. Excuse me, miss.
Hi.
123
00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:13,708
My name is Eric. This is my house.
My party, sort of.
124
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:17,083
You're looking at a bunch of options.
This is the one you want.
125
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,708
This is the finest box of wine
in the county.
126
00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:21,042
Really?
Yes, delicious
127
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:25,167
It has absolutely no body and an
amazing cough-syrupy aftertaste.
128
00:07:25,333 --> 00:07:26,583
Go ahead.
Cheers.
129
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,583
Don't get it on your skin.
All right?
130
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,417
Oh. Yeah.
KELLY: Wow.
131
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,625
ERIC: Not bad, right?
Mmm. Really good wine.
132
00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:35,042
Mm-hm.
133
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:37,125
Even better bean dip.
That's not bean dip!
134
00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:38,875
What?
I'm kidding.
135
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,875
You knew that.
That's awesome.
136
00:07:41,042 --> 00:07:43,167
You're the first person
to eat out of that.
137
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:46,125
Not many people are thrilled
about eating out of a shitter.
138
00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:49,500
Really? In prison, we used
our crapper as a punchbowl.
139
00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,042
Really? No kidding?
140
00:07:51,208 --> 00:07:53,708
I have never seen you
at one of these things.
141
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,917
First time.
We'll have to change that.
142
00:07:56,083 --> 00:07:58,083
We do these kind of things
all the time.
143
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:01,500
You know, Labor Day. We're gonna
have a big Winter Wonderland party.
144
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,125
Wow.
Snow machine.
145
00:08:03,292 --> 00:08:05,375
Gonna be sledding.
Should be interesting.
146
00:08:05,542 --> 00:08:07,375
Give me your information.
Ehh!
147
00:08:07,542 --> 00:08:08,667
What?
Information?
148
00:08:08,833 --> 00:08:10,042
Are you kidding me?
No.
149
00:08:10,208 --> 00:08:11,250
Really?
Yes.
150
00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:12,542
Yes, like what?
151
00:08:12,708 --> 00:08:15,042
Like my social security number,
my college GPA?
152
00:08:15,208 --> 00:08:18,458
Why don't we shirt with your
phone number and your shoe size?
153
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,125
I happen to have a pen.
Of course you have a pen.
154
00:08:24,292 --> 00:08:26,917
You gotta be ready.
Always be prepared.
155
00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:28,208
Ah, ah, ah.
What?
156
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,375
On my baby.
Look at that.
157
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:33,625
Oh, I'm so jealous of
this baby. I'm so jealous.
158
00:08:33,792 --> 00:08:37,292
Oh, you wanna get out, I wanna get in there.
Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding.
159
00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:39,125
Kelly, local number?
160
00:08:39,292 --> 00:08:40,333
Local girl.
161
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:41,583
You kidding me?
Get out.
162
00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:43,208
Size 9 shoe.
Mm-hm.
163
00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:45,875
You know what they say.
'Big shoe, big uterus.'
164
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,083
[MOTORCYCLE REVS]
165
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,208
I'll bring friends.
Real sorry.
166
00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:51,917
If you excuse me, I see an
old friend just showed up.
167
00:08:52,083 --> 00:08:53,167
I'll talk to you liner
168
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,833
Okay.
Nice meeting you.
169
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,458
Nice to meet you too.
Hey, fucko.
170
00:08:56,625 --> 00:08:58,125
Excuse me.
171
00:08:58,292 --> 00:09:00,208
ALISON:
I'm really mad, actually.
172
00:09:00,375 --> 00:09:02,375
What's wrong with this guy?
Bye, guys.
173
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,875
Daddy's goth go home.
174
00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:06,292
One more for the road.
Shotgun!
175
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:07,625
Oh!
176
00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:09,542
Michael.
I wasn't ready. Throw another.
177
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:11,708
Asshole.
You're supposed to catch that.
178
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,250
Come on, baby, we're going.
179
00:09:13,417 --> 00:09:14,500
Bye, guys.
- Bye, Katie.
180
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:16,375
I'm sorry if I got beer
on your baby.
181
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:18,250
You, you.
Where have you been?
182
00:09:18,417 --> 00:09:20,542
I'm sorry. There was
a mess in the studio.
183
00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:22,625
There was this
buzzing undertone
184
00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,208
that was bending me over
and fucking me in the ass.
185
00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:27,375
Yeah. I'm not seeing
any doughnuts.
186
00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:29,542
You specifically
said get the glazed.
187
00:09:29,708 --> 00:09:32,042
They didn't have glazed.
I tried. There was jelly.
188
00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:35,500
There was Boston cream.
Jelly, Boston cream.
189
00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:38,542
Eric, I have a whole package
of ginger candies in my bag.
190
00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:40,875
Hi, Willow.
191
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,042
Mmm, thank you.
But we're gonna be okay.
192
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,042
McCRUDDEN:
I found you a big brown naked!
193
00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:47,125
I can't get it off!
I can't shake it off!
194
00:09:47,292 --> 00:09:49,917
Hey, everybody
naked in the pool.
195
00:09:50,083 --> 00:09:52,375
[ALL CHEERING]
196
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,708
Well, that's a half hour
ahead of schedule.
197
00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:01,208
Yeah! Anybody?
198
00:10:01,375 --> 00:10:02,792
Anybody?
199
00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:05,292
Oh, you all suck.
Chickens hit.
200
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:07,750
Want me to go to Brent's?
Pick up Entenmann's?
201
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:08,958
Don't worry about it.
202
00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:11,042
Now I'm gonna go jump
in that pool
203
00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:13,125
because McCrudden
is dying in there alone.
204
00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:16,375
That's what friends do.
See, they don't leave each other hanging.
205
00:10:16,542 --> 00:10:18,875
Where's your patriotism?
206
00:10:19,042 --> 00:10:20,083
My man.
207
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:21,750
I got you.
208
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,875
My fucking blackberry.
209
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,250
[ALL YELLING]
210
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,667
[SIREN WAILING]
211
00:10:40,292 --> 00:10:42,208
[FLY BUZZING]
212
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:46,125
[MOOS]
213
00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:52,875
Dad, what are you doing here?
214
00:10:53,042 --> 00:10:54,792
Uh, hmm.
215
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:58,042
Oh, yeah, I own the place.
Cherie, this is my son, Eric.
216
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,417
Hi.
He's told me all about you.
217
00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:02,375
[MOOS]
218
00:11:02,542 --> 00:11:03,625
Ah, yeah.
219
00:11:03,792 --> 00:11:06,000
Great party. Thanks for
letting us sleep it off.
220
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,833
ERIC:
No problem.
221
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,708
Hm. It must have been
quite a flesh.
222
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,042
Oh, yeah, I guess so.
223
00:11:12,208 --> 00:11:13,875
Did the best I could
with the turds.
224
00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:17,542
I know you did, Bill. I wish you would
have let me know you were coming out.
225
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,750
Maybe we can throw someone
down on a couch.
226
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:21,375
Ah, we're not staying.
227
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:25,917
I just came out for the day to do a
meet-and-greet with the brokers.
228
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,167
Brokers?
229
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:29,125
You got the message, right?
230
00:11:29,292 --> 00:11:31,208
ERIC:
I saw that you called.
231
00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,375
I'm putting the house
on the market.
232
00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:36,458
What? Wait, you're selling
our house?
233
00:11:37,625 --> 00:11:40,917
Ah, I'm hardly ever
out here any more.
234
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:43,542
It's time to unload.
235
00:11:43,708 --> 00:11:44,958
But hey, what about me?
236
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:49,208
I'm always out here.
My friends are always out here.
237
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:51,583
So make me an offer.
238
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:53,833
Ah. Ha-ha-ha.
239
00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:56,375
Dad, come on.
I don't ask you for anything.
240
00:11:56,542 --> 00:11:58,417
How about this?
We go get breakfast.
241
00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:00,208
We talk over
the house situation.
242
00:12:00,375 --> 00:12:02,458
Maybe we all can chip in
for utilities?
243
00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:04,542
Ah, I'm a little pressed
for time, kiddo.
244
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:09,208
We're gonna go play a quick nine
and then goth get back.
245
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:11,083
Cherie's never played before.
246
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,542
I'm so excited.
247
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:14,208
Dad, this is fucking bullshit.
248
00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:17,375
I'll call you next week.
We'll do yoga.
249
00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:28,542
[McCRUDDEN GROANS]
250
00:12:28,708 --> 00:12:31,375
I've said it before
and I'll say it again.
251
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,125
Your dad is a selfish prick.
252
00:12:34,292 --> 00:12:36,250
Smoothie?
Ooh.
253
00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:38,458
It's gonna be sad
not coming out here.
254
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:41,042
Me and Willy might not
even be around next summer.
255
00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,542
The L.A. thing again?
Are you serious?
256
00:12:43,708 --> 00:12:45,708
You just moved into
that place in Brooklyn.
257
00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:48,125
But Willow's doing really
good with her acting.
258
00:12:48,292 --> 00:12:51,000
She did that Pizza Hut
Latin America commercial.
259
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:53,208
ALL:
Ooh, deliciosa!
260
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:54,542
[LAUGHS]
261
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:57,375
Her dad is gonna hook me up
with a job at a big law firm.
262
00:12:57,542 --> 00:12:58,750
What about the album?
263
00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,917
I'll work on the album
while I'm doing law.
264
00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:03,417
Yeah? Will you?
You know what I'm excited about?
265
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:06,458
Throwing one of these parties
in my one-bedroom apartment.
266
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:07,958
That'll be fun, right?
267
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,542
Maybe I can put
the food out on the fire escape.
268
00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,542
Eric.
ERIC: The band in the bathroom.
269
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,042
I have to get more outlets.
270
00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:16,500
I'll get a power strip.
Why not? I'll splurge.
271
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,083
ALISON: Eric.
What?
272
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,583
This is a major moment.
273
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,292
It's okay to let the hurt in.
274
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:25,500
To allow yourself to actually
be present in a moment.
275
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:28,417
Okay, thanks, doc. You really
make the moment more real
276
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:31,208
by talking about how real
the moment is in the middle.
277
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,375
No, I understand.
You're probably feeling
278
00:13:34,542 --> 00:13:36,750
some anger and some
misdirected frustra...
279
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,375
[SCREAMS]
280
00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:40,542
Feel better now?
A little bit, yeah.
281
00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:42,333
Dude, that was awesome.
Oh, fuck!
282
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,542
ALL:
Oh!
283
00:13:43,708 --> 00:13:45,042
What about now?
284
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,333
Oh, much better.
285
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,125
Now I'm in the moment.
286
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,875
McCRUDDEN: I don't
understand summer school.
287
00:13:52,042 --> 00:13:54,708
Isn't the point of being a teacher
that you get summers off?
288
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:58,042
Well, they pay us poop, so,
what am I gonna do, waitress?
289
00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,708
Oh, my God, the big news.
290
00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:04,042
So the principal told me today
291
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:09,625
that the friendship bracelets that the girls
are wearing are actually sex bracelets.
292
00:14:09,792 --> 00:14:10,875
Hmm.
What?
293
00:14:11,042 --> 00:14:13,042
I saw something
about that on Oprah.
294
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:15,375
Girls wear these different
color bracelets
295
00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:18,375
and every color represents,
like, a sex thing.
296
00:14:18,542 --> 00:14:21,042
So if you tear off a girl's
blue bracelet,
297
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,042
that means
she has to give you oral.
298
00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:24,875
Yup.
What's a yellow bracelet?
299
00:14:25,042 --> 00:14:26,167
Uh, a hug.
300
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,625
ALL: Aww.
Oh, sweet.
301
00:14:27,792 --> 00:14:29,875
I know.
What about purple?
302
00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:31,042
Teabagging?
303
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,792
ALL:
Oh!
304
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:34,042
Really?
305
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,208
Well, what is teabagging?
306
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,417
Balls in mouth.
307
00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:39,208
Oh, no!
308
00:14:39,375 --> 00:14:42,083
Teabagging?
What is with the kids today?
309
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:44,917
Well, the blowjob
is the new French kiss.
310
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:47,042
Wow, we really missed
the boat on that one.
311
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:49,875
I feel like if we had had
sex bracelets back then,
312
00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:51,625
no one would have
torn mine off.
313
00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:54,000
Ohh. No, no, no, sweetie.
314
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,375
I would have torn off
your BJ bracelet.
315
00:14:56,542 --> 00:14:59,167
You're just saying that,
but thanks, Eric.
316
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,958
Thanks for letting me blow you.
317
00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:03,375
ERIC: You're welcome.
LAURA: You're a good friend.
318
00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:05,667
[CAMERA CLICKS]
319
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,208
Hey, Dody.
WOMAN: Mm-hm?
320
00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,208
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
321
00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:15,708
Hi. Can I help you?
322
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,542
Are you Eric?
Yes.
323
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,708
Hi. We spoke on the phone.
324
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:22,542
I'm Dody Henderson from
the Henderson Realty Group.
325
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:24,625
And this is my associate
Kelly Tanner.
326
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:27,208
Hi. How are you?
Hi.
327
00:15:28,583 --> 00:15:29,625
No, thank you.
328
00:15:29,792 --> 00:15:30,875
Lame.
329
00:15:31,042 --> 00:15:32,042
Oh, I shouldn't.
Mm-hm.
330
00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:36,125
We can't wait
to get your house sold.
331
00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:38,542
We need this place
clean, clean every day.
332
00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:40,208
Water the lawns, skim the pool.
333
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:44,625
You never know when buyers are gonna
stop by to say hi and buy, buy.
334
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:46,583
Oh, B-U-Y! Ha, ha!
335
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,792
Whatever.
336
00:15:48,958 --> 00:15:52,875
Oh, and make sure the toilets
are clean enough to eat out of.
337
00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:54,542
Yeah, whatever.
338
00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:57,833
Maybe I should sprinkle some
rose petals on the driveway too.
339
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,583
Just do what you can.
340
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,292
Will do.
Wow.
341
00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:05,750
What are the chances of maybe selling
this sometime after Labor Day?
342
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:09,042
You wanna sell a summer home
during the summer.
343
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:10,417
That's kind of the point.
344
00:16:11,292 --> 00:16:13,333
So glad we're in
business together.
345
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:14,750
Om shanti.
346
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,250
Om shanti it is.
347
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:23,208
Vultures.
Yeesh.
348
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:24,375
[SIGHS]
349
00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:27,083
It's light. It's light.
350
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,375
We should put it up closer.
Like there?
351
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:32,917
McCRUDDEN: Oh, yeah.
That'll bring in all the right clientele.
352
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:45,292
Listen. Have you given any more thought
to the final Labor Day blowout?
353
00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:46,625
I really don't know.
354
00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:49,167
I mean, obviously,
we goth do something huge.
355
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,625
But what do you do
for a final blowout?
356
00:16:51,792 --> 00:16:54,375
Go out in a blaze of glory.
Heads held high.
357
00:16:54,542 --> 00:16:55,958
I get it.
Deserved.
358
00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:57,875
Holy shit. Oh, shit.
Here we go. Bingo.
359
00:16:58,042 --> 00:16:59,875
What?
I got the concept right here.
360
00:17:00,042 --> 00:17:01,458
Brown party...
361
00:17:02,042 --> 00:17:03,125
Brown party.-
Brown party...
362
00:17:03,292 --> 00:17:05,417
Brown clothes, brown food,
brown drink,
363
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:08,125
brown clown, brown balloons,
364
00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:10,625
live music supplied by
Jackson Browne.
365
00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:13,042
I don't know what you're
thinking. Is that good?
366
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,333
It's fucking awful.
367
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,125
Take it easy.
I'm just spit balling.
368
00:17:17,292 --> 00:17:19,375
It's not like you're throwing
ideas my way.
369
00:17:19,542 --> 00:17:21,708
He spells with an E at the end.
Doesn't matter.
370
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,500
Holy shit.
We got a situation here.
371
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,375
Oh, my fucking God.
372
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,792
Dude, she's wearing
a sex bracelet.
373
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,292
McCRUDDEN:
Holy fuck, she is.
374
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:32,750
ERIC:
Oh, boy, that's trouble.
375
00:17:32,917 --> 00:17:35,208
It's blue. It's blue.
Sword swallower.
376
00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:38,250
When she reaches out for my
cone, I'm gonna snag that thing
377
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:40,542
and it's deep-throat city
all night long.
378
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:42,000
No, no, no.
379
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:45,083
Please don't do that.
Don't. No, stop.
380
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:46,958
Stop. Stop it.
381
00:17:47,125 --> 00:17:48,458
[McCRUDDEN GAGGING]
382
00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:51,625
I bet she unhinges her jaw like a
fucking python swallowing a rat.
383
00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:54,542
Um, do you guys
know what you want?
384
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:56,792
Yes, we do.
Yeah. We got a pretty good idea.
385
00:17:56,958 --> 00:17:58,542
No, ice cream
is what we're into.
386
00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:05,292
Do you think a girl like that looks at
us like we're a couple of old dudes?
387
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:08,708
The way we used to look at 30-year-old
guys back in high school and say,
388
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:12,375
'Oh, man, look at that
lame old guy hitting on Sue.'
389
00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:15,125
Ha, ha. Yeah, probably.
390
00:18:15,292 --> 00:18:18,000
I don't know. Weren't 30-year-old
guys a lot older back then
391
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:19,708
with, like, mustaches and jobs?
392
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:22,042
Yeah
It certainly seemed like it
393
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:23,250
[CHUCKLES]
394
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:24,458
What?
395
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:26,750
Fuck, dude, we're getting old.
Bullshit. Come on.
396
00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:29,250
I got a foot cramp
the other day masturbating.
397
00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:32,375
What? Doesn't make sense.
I swear to God. It happened.
398
00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:35,708
Do you think that girl and her
friends really have BJ orgy parties?
399
00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:37,042
Indubitably- Really?
400
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,208
Duquez is right.
We got fucking hosed.
401
00:18:39,375 --> 00:18:41,333
God dang.
402
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,208
Hey, what about that?
403
00:18:44,375 --> 00:18:45,375
What about what?
404
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:47,250
What about that
for the final party?
405
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,583
What?
An orgy.
406
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,208
An orgy? An orgy...
407
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,875
You wanna have an orgy?
Why not?
408
00:18:53,042 --> 00:18:54,708
Get out of town.
It'll never happen.
409
00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:56,125
Why not?
Why not?
410
00:18:56,292 --> 00:18:58,375
Because people don't
have orgies, you know?
411
00:18:58,542 --> 00:18:59,958
Oh, come on. They used to.
412
00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:01,917
True.
Yeah, think about it, dude.
413
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:04,958
An orgy.
A good old-fashioned orgy.
414
00:19:05,458 --> 00:19:07,792
Wowie.
That is a blaze of glory.
415
00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:10,917
Okay. Now you know
I hate naysayers, right?
416
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,542
But I'm gonna have to say nay.
417
00:19:12,708 --> 00:19:14,042
Really?
Really.
418
00:19:14,208 --> 00:19:15,792
Are you throwing down
the gauntlet?
419
00:19:15,958 --> 00:19:17,875
Oops, what's that?
420
00:19:18,042 --> 00:19:20,333
It's on the ground as we speak.
421
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:23,542
We're gonna have an orgy.
422
00:19:24,875 --> 00:19:26,458
We're gonna have an orgy.
423
00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,458
Oh, boy. Here we go.
424
00:19:30,042 --> 00:19:32,042
ERIC: Okay, guys,
I've been mulling it over
425
00:19:32,208 --> 00:19:34,125
and I have a concept
for the final flesh.
426
00:19:34,292 --> 00:19:36,042
All right.
What is it?
427
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:37,542
Whoo!
SUE: Fiesta
428
00:19:37,708 --> 00:19:39,708
While this will be
the most spectacular
429
00:19:39,875 --> 00:19:44,042
and insane party any of us have taken
part of, it's not gonna be a big thing.
430
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:45,458
It's just gonna be us.
431
00:19:45,625 --> 00:19:50,542
It's gonna be small,
intimate, special.
432
00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:52,458
Oh, I'll make lasagna.
433
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,125
SUE: Yummy.
ALISON: Oh, yeah.
434
00:19:55,292 --> 00:19:56,542
We're gonna have an orgy.
435
00:20:00,458 --> 00:20:02,417
Who?
Us.
436
00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:06,375
Where?
Right here. Labor Day weekend.
437
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:10,458
Us? A naked sex orgy?
438
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:13,083
You're kidding, right?
No, I'm not. Why not us?
439
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:15,042
People used to have them
all the time.
440
00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:16,375
All the time.
441
00:20:16,542 --> 00:20:18,042
What happened
to our generation?
442
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:20,417
What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.
443
00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:23,292
AIDS.
AIDS.
444
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:25,042
AIDS hit right
when we hit puberty.
445
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,250
And it scared the shit
out of all of us.
446
00:20:27,417 --> 00:20:31,375
It turned sex into this big,
frightening thing.
447
00:20:31,542 --> 00:20:32,875
DUQUEZ:
He's right.
448
00:20:33,042 --> 00:20:36,708
Kids today are freaks,
our parents were freaks,
449
00:20:36,875 --> 00:20:38,458
we're a bunch of
fucking pussies.
450
00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:41,208
We're the lamest generation.
ERIC: This is our chance.
451
00:20:41,375 --> 00:20:42,583
Our chance to do it right.
452
00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:44,750
Take back what's
been taken from us.
453
00:20:44,917 --> 00:20:47,250
Isn't that from Goonies?
I am paraphrasing Goonies.
454
00:20:47,417 --> 00:20:50,042
Orgy. Orgy...
455
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:54,042
[CHANTING]
Orgy. Orgy. Orgy.
456
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,500
ERIC: Duquez, come on.
You're into this, right?
457
00:20:56,667 --> 00:20:59,958
What? Heh-heh-heh. No.
458
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:03,083
We're all friends.
It would just be too weird.
459
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:06,125
How do you know unless you try?
Ew!
460
00:21:06,292 --> 00:21:10,875
If we all went into this with an
open mind, it could be amazing.
461
00:21:11,042 --> 00:21:14,208
In theory,
a noble call to arms.
462
00:21:14,375 --> 00:21:19,042
In practice, I cannot
imagine a more awkward
463
00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:21,208
and uncomfortably
terrible evening.
464
00:21:21,375 --> 00:21:24,125
Oh, laugh, laugh,
laugh all you want.
465
00:21:24,292 --> 00:21:26,500
Seriously, don't you get it?
This is it,
466
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:29,708
the final blowout,
and then the house is gone.
467
00:21:29,875 --> 00:21:33,208
People move away.
Things change.
468
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,792
We need to think
outside of the box.
469
00:21:35,958 --> 00:21:38,875
And inside the box.
470
00:21:39,042 --> 00:21:40,250
ALL:
Eww.
471
00:21:40,417 --> 00:21:42,458
Mike, that's not
what I'm going for.
472
00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:43,917
I'm in.
473
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,500
What?
What?
474
00:21:45,667 --> 00:21:46,708
Are you serious?
475
00:21:46,875 --> 00:21:48,958
Yes, it worked. Ha-ha-ha.
476
00:21:49,125 --> 00:21:50,875
Come on. An orgy?
477
00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:52,375
It's madness.
478
00:21:52,542 --> 00:21:55,583
Ugh.
It's gonna be a fucking blast.
479
00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:57,250
Success!
Success!
480
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,542
Sue's in.
Thank you, yes.
481
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:00,708
Here we go.
Come on.
482
00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:03,542
I'm gonna go meet Marcus.
Oh, my God.
483
00:22:03,708 --> 00:22:06,250
All right, think it over.
Think it... Everybody, okay.
484
00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:07,708
All right, I get it.
485
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:10,708
It's gonna hike a while to come
around on this whole orgy idea.
486
00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:12,875
Right? Here?
No, okay. Ha, ha!
487
00:22:13,042 --> 00:22:16,792
Very good, but go ahead, type it in your
BlackBerrys, pencil it in your notebooks.
488
00:22:16,958 --> 00:22:19,250
[CHANTING]
Orgy. Orgy.
489
00:22:19,417 --> 00:22:21,542
ALL:
Orgy. Orgy.
490
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,708
Orgy. Orgy. Orgy.
491
00:22:30,792 --> 00:22:34,292
So, Sue, you think this is how you're
gonna finally sleep with Eric?
492
00:22:34,458 --> 00:22:37,375
What? We dated
in high school.
493
00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:39,083
Come on, that was ages ago.
494
00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:41,000
You guys never,
you know, did it,
495
00:22:41,167 --> 00:22:42,958
so it's kind of
unfinished business.
496
00:22:43,125 --> 00:22:46,458
Yeah, but I've slept with
like a ton of guys since then,
497
00:22:46,625 --> 00:22:49,125
so this doesn't have
anything to do with it.
498
00:22:49,292 --> 00:22:52,042
ERIC: Fine, but other
than social awkwardness,
499
00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,375
give me one reason.
500
00:22:53,542 --> 00:22:56,667
Oh, very well. How about
I give you several reasons?
501
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:58,375
Like, oh, I don't know,
502
00:22:58,542 --> 00:23:00,208
chlamydia, the herp,
503
00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:04,208
gonorrhea, syphilis, papilloma.
504
00:23:04,375 --> 00:23:05,708
The Steve McQueen movie?
505
00:23:05,875 --> 00:23:09,542
No, that's Papillon.
The virus that causes genital warts.
506
00:23:09,708 --> 00:23:11,875
Ugh. Why do you think
of this stuff?
507
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:15,042
Don't you remember the article my
mom clipped from The New Yorker?
508
00:23:15,208 --> 00:23:17,625
[LAUGHS]
509
00:23:17,792 --> 00:23:19,042
No.
510
00:23:19,208 --> 00:23:21,583
Condoms can't stop it
and it causes cervical cancer.
511
00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:23,625
You don't have a cervix.
512
00:23:24,208 --> 00:23:27,917
I don't know how you could have sex
in front of a room full of people.
513
00:23:28,083 --> 00:23:31,208
I mean, I don't even like
to get naked at the spa.
514
00:23:31,375 --> 00:23:34,208
I'm not saying that this is
gonna be easy for me,
515
00:23:34,375 --> 00:23:37,375
but isn't that what
kind of makes it exciting?
516
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:40,083
I'm not saying that
it wouldn't be fun,
517
00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:42,208
but it's an orgy.
518
00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:44,417
What's the point of
losing all this weight
519
00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:46,542
if you're not gonna show off
your new bod?
520
00:23:46,667 --> 00:23:48,458
You haven't even worn
your bikini yet.
521
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,042
I still have 5 more pounds.
522
00:23:50,208 --> 00:23:53,042
I think this could help
build your self-esteem.
523
00:23:53,208 --> 00:23:58,625
There's the miracle cure. I'm gonna start turning
my clients onto group sex instead of Zoloft.
524
00:23:58,792 --> 00:24:01,000
We're going to the beach.
At least do that.
525
00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:03,208
It's our last summer.
Let's go to the beach.
526
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:06,875
Shockingly, I'm gonna pass on the
stroll through the tick-infested dunes.
527
00:24:07,542 --> 00:24:09,042
Dude, I've had Lyme disease.
528
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:11,708
It's not a big deal.
It's antibiotics, boom, done.
529
00:24:11,875 --> 00:24:15,083
You know I have a needle phobia.
Okay? I can't go to the doctor.
530
00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:17,875
The puncturing
the veins and the... Ugh.
531
00:24:18,042 --> 00:24:20,542
Okay, whatever.
Enjoy the great indoors.
532
00:24:20,708 --> 00:24:22,875
Yeah. Bye.
Okay.
533
00:24:23,042 --> 00:24:26,375
Ooh, hey, Eric. Uh, could you
grab some sand for my ass crack?
534
00:24:26,542 --> 00:24:28,083
I'll grab some for your cervix.
535
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:30,042
[LAUGHS]
536
00:24:30,208 --> 00:24:32,542
Okay. Let's say you dated
four guys in one year,
537
00:24:32,708 --> 00:24:34,708
right, and you slept with them.
538
00:24:34,875 --> 00:24:37,042
You'd be cool with that?
Totally.
539
00:24:37,208 --> 00:24:40,250
And how many guys
have you slept with this year?
540
00:24:41,042 --> 00:24:43,042
None.
541
00:24:43,208 --> 00:24:44,583
Or the year before.
542
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:48,083
So really all you're doing
is sleeping with four guys
543
00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:50,625
in, like, a shorter time frame.
544
00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,917
I never really thought
of it that way.
545
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:56,125
What do you think?
546
00:24:56,292 --> 00:24:59,417
Insane, idiotic
and self-destructive.
547
00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:03,542
Okay, hypothetically.
Mm-hm.
548
00:25:03,708 --> 00:25:07,542
If I did decide to do it,
but at the last minute,
549
00:25:07,708 --> 00:25:09,833
I totally freaked out,
550
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,958
they would let me out, right?
551
00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:15,375
Laura, it's an orgy,
not The Accused.
552
00:25:15,542 --> 00:25:18,625
It's not fun
unless everybody's into it.
553
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,625
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
554
00:25:22,792 --> 00:25:25,042
I'm gonna do it.
Yeah? Yeah?
555
00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,250
I'm gonna do it.
All right. Yeah, girl.
556
00:25:27,417 --> 00:25:29,583
Hey, guys,
what's the celebration?
557
00:25:31,542 --> 00:25:34,208
Just talking about how to get
Laura back in the saddle.
558
00:25:34,375 --> 00:25:36,958
Whoo, yay!
I'm gonna find you a guy.
559
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:39,875
Glenn's cousin Frank
is coming to the wedding.
560
00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:45,875
McCRUDDEN:
Okay, Game on. Let's go.
561
00:25:46,042 --> 00:25:47,208
ADAM:
All right, John Kruk.
562
00:25:47,375 --> 00:25:50,833
I'll tell you what I'm gonna throw,
and you're still gonna whiff at it.
563
00:25:51,042 --> 00:25:53,708
Slow breaking curveball.
564
00:25:54,708 --> 00:25:55,750
ALL:
Oh!
565
00:25:55,917 --> 00:25:57,917
Goddamn it! I dare you
to throw that again.
566
00:25:58,083 --> 00:26:01,042
Swish full, the nerd's revenge.
567
00:26:01,208 --> 00:26:03,125
Ooh, I got my bunt face on.
568
00:26:03,292 --> 00:26:05,583
Drills, ladies. Drills.
Let's go. Look alive.
569
00:26:05,750 --> 00:26:07,083
Album cover, hat or no hat?
570
00:26:07,250 --> 00:26:09,208
Oh, Doug, come on, man.
571
00:26:09,375 --> 00:26:11,250
You've been doing this
for two years.
572
00:26:11,417 --> 00:26:13,875
Mixing, remixing.
Hatting, no hatting.
573
00:26:14,042 --> 00:26:16,167
Your music's awesome.
Get it out there.
574
00:26:16,333 --> 00:26:20,125
No one will give it a shot if they don't dig my look.
It's an image-based industry.
575
00:26:20,292 --> 00:26:23,708
What the fuck? This is why
you're headed for a shitty job.
576
00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:27,375
You need to stop trying to look like a
rock star and shirt living like one.
577
00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:28,958
Yeah, do the orgy.
Do the orgy.
578
00:26:29,125 --> 00:26:30,583
You think Mick Jagger
would have said,
579
00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:32,792
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] 'No thanks, mate.
No orgy for me.
580
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:34,625
I've got an on-again-off-again
girlfriend.'
581
00:26:34,792 --> 00:26:36,917
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] 'I don't
wanna cheat on David Bowie.'
582
00:26:37,083 --> 00:26:39,208
'No cheating on Bowie.'
Hey, Willow.
583
00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:42,292
I know what Tom Hanks
feels like now.
584
00:26:42,458 --> 00:26:44,375
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
My only concern, Duque,
585
00:26:44,542 --> 00:26:46,875
is that the hat doesn't
make you look gay enough.
586
00:26:47,042 --> 00:26:48,208
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, yeah.
587
00:26:48,375 --> 00:26:50,958
You could Photoshop in three
guys jizzing on your face?
588
00:26:51,125 --> 00:26:53,542
Or on the hat?
Ooh, ooh.
589
00:26:53,708 --> 00:26:54,917
That's good.
Hey.
590
00:26:55,083 --> 00:26:59,542
You could take that five-song demo, make it a double album.
One with the hat, one without it?
591
00:26:59,708 --> 00:27:01,792
You could call it, uh,
Exile on Hat Street.
592
00:27:01,958 --> 00:27:05,375
Yeah, or Jagged Little Hat?
Oh, Meat Loaf. Hat Outta Hell.
593
00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:08,458
What about Sgt. Pepper':
Lonely Hats Club Hat?
594
00:27:08,625 --> 00:27:12,250
What if I just call it My Shitty
Friends Don't Respect Me?
595
00:27:13,208 --> 00:27:15,375
Indie. You won't be able
to sell at Walmart.
596
00:27:15,542 --> 00:27:18,583
Who's next up to hat?
ADAM: Two and two to Harvey Key.
597
00:27:18,750 --> 00:27:21,375
Sandy winds up and delivers.
598
00:27:22,375 --> 00:27:24,417
Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo!
Fuck me.
599
00:27:24,583 --> 00:27:26,042
Hey, Ali Cat.
Hi.
600
00:27:26,208 --> 00:27:27,417
Like what you see?
601
00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:29,625
This could be all yours
Labor Day weekend.
602
00:27:29,792 --> 00:27:31,542
Oh, Eric.
603
00:27:31,708 --> 00:27:33,458
Do you mind if
I make an observation?
604
00:27:33,625 --> 00:27:36,583
Oh, boy. Sure, go ahead.
605
00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:38,708
You have intimacy issues.
606
00:27:38,833 --> 00:27:40,042
Really? Yeah.
607
00:27:40,208 --> 00:27:42,542
I figured an orgy is
as intimate as it can get.
608
00:27:42,708 --> 00:27:45,542
No, no, no, but intimacy
isn't about intercourse, Eric.
609
00:27:45,708 --> 00:27:47,000
It's about emotion.
Mm-hm.
610
00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:49,958
You don't need to get laid.
You need to be in a relationship.
611
00:27:50,125 --> 00:27:54,042
Heh, heh. Look, just because
you're in an unhappy relationship,
612
00:27:54,917 --> 00:27:56,708
doesn't mean
the rest of us need to be.
613
00:27:56,875 --> 00:27:58,708
I'm not in an unhappy
relationship.
614
00:27:58,875 --> 00:28:01,750
I'm in an adult relationship.
615
00:28:01,917 --> 00:28:03,875
It's fun, whatever it is.
Hold on one sec?
616
00:28:04,042 --> 00:28:07,083
Hey, Marcus. You want
to hike a few cracks with the bat?
617
00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:08,542
No, thank you.
618
00:28:08,708 --> 00:28:11,708
Football is my game,
European football.
619
00:28:11,875 --> 00:28:13,167
Gotcha.
620
00:28:13,333 --> 00:28:15,583
Did he date Siegfried or Roy?
I can't remember.
621
00:28:15,750 --> 00:28:18,042
ALL:
Oh!
622
00:28:18,208 --> 00:28:20,958
God, it's embarrassing
watching you play this sport.
623
00:28:21,125 --> 00:28:23,875
Aww, it's cow shit.
624
00:28:24,042 --> 00:28:26,875
Look, doc, it's your life.
625
00:28:27,042 --> 00:28:28,417
You can do whatever you want.
626
00:28:28,583 --> 00:28:30,875
All I'm saying is that maybe
Labor Day weekend
627
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,333
might be the last chopper
out of Saigon for you.
628
00:28:34,708 --> 00:28:36,417
[IMITATES HELICOPTER]
629
00:28:41,667 --> 00:28:43,958
Knock, knock.
Guess who.
630
00:28:44,125 --> 00:28:45,917
Dody! Ha-ha-ha.
631
00:28:46,083 --> 00:28:48,375
DODY: These are the Webers.
How you doing?
632
00:28:48,917 --> 00:28:50,750
We brought some extra signs
633
00:28:50,917 --> 00:28:52,583
because someone
is stealing ours.
634
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:54,417
Oh. That's too bad.
635
00:28:55,292 --> 00:28:57,917
Oh, good. Okay.
Hey, guys. Do me a favor?
636
00:28:58,083 --> 00:29:01,208
When you go in the house, don't
go to the basement or anything.
637
00:29:01,375 --> 00:29:05,542
Not that there's anything or anyone
down there in a cage or otherwise.
638
00:29:05,708 --> 00:29:08,708
Thanks, Eric.
That's so helpful.
639
00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:10,042
What is he talking about?
640
00:29:10,208 --> 00:29:13,083
KELLY:
Oh, gosh. Don't worry. Don't worry.
641
00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:16,542
He's a little off.
642
00:29:16,708 --> 00:29:17,958
It's a head injury.
643
00:29:18,125 --> 00:29:20,208
That's why he wears the helmet.
644
00:29:20,375 --> 00:29:22,875
Are they all challenged?
645
00:29:23,542 --> 00:29:26,042
Yes. But at least
they have each other.
646
00:29:26,167 --> 00:29:29,375
Oh, that's so great.
647
00:29:29,542 --> 00:29:32,083
Have fun with your game,
sweetie.
648
00:29:32,250 --> 00:29:33,708
Thanks, Mrs. Weber.
649
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,250
We are five minutes
from Indian Wells Beach.
650
00:29:38,417 --> 00:29:40,625
And wait till you see
your bedroom.
651
00:29:43,125 --> 00:29:45,125
[ALL SHOUTING]
652
00:29:56,458 --> 00:29:57,500
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
653
00:29:57,667 --> 00:29:58,958
[ALL CHEER]
654
00:29:59,125 --> 00:30:01,000
[ALL CHATTERING]
655
00:30:18,875 --> 00:30:21,375
What if someone comes in?
These people never knock.
656
00:30:21,542 --> 00:30:23,958
I just locked the door.
657
00:30:24,125 --> 00:30:27,958
Fine, but you really
must be quiet.
658
00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:29,458
None of your usual screeches.
659
00:30:29,625 --> 00:30:31,208
Okay, okay, okay.
Yes?
660
00:30:31,375 --> 00:30:33,417
Yeah.
661
00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:38,375
Oh, Marcus. Oh...
662
00:30:38,542 --> 00:30:41,042
Let's get you out
of these dirty little panties.
663
00:30:41,208 --> 00:30:43,208
ALISON:
Do it. What?
664
00:30:43,333 --> 00:30:46,708
What's going on? Why are you stopping?
What's going on? Hey.
665
00:30:46,875 --> 00:30:48,375
What?
666
00:30:49,042 --> 00:30:50,583
What have you done
to your vagina?
667
00:30:52,208 --> 00:30:53,375
I shaved it.
668
00:30:59,375 --> 00:31:02,250
Why?
I don't know.
669
00:31:02,417 --> 00:31:06,917
Because I thought it would be
something different, sexy.
670
00:31:07,083 --> 00:31:10,667
Women are supposed to have pubic hair.
Why would I find it sexy?
671
00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:12,917
You look like
a prepubescent girl.
672
00:31:13,083 --> 00:31:14,458
I'm not a child molester.
673
00:31:14,625 --> 00:31:17,708
Okay, you know what, it's hair,
Marcus, and it's gonna grow back.
674
00:31:19,042 --> 00:31:21,292
Well, I wished you
would have told me
675
00:31:21,458 --> 00:31:23,958
about your little secret
before I unwrapped this.
676
00:31:24,125 --> 00:31:26,542
This lambskin condoms
cost 2 Euros.
677
00:31:26,708 --> 00:31:28,375
It's wasteful.
678
00:31:29,417 --> 00:31:30,583
ALISON:
I did it for you!
679
00:31:30,750 --> 00:31:32,708
MARCUS: You could have
consulted with me.
680
00:31:36,375 --> 00:31:39,375
Alison, you're being
like a child.
681
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,958
ALISON:
Fuck you, go away!
682
00:31:42,125 --> 00:31:44,042
You go away.
683
00:31:44,208 --> 00:31:45,542
I think this is chemical.
684
00:31:45,708 --> 00:31:47,542
Darling, what dosage
are you inking?
685
00:31:47,708 --> 00:31:49,875
ALISON:
You... Fuck you!
686
00:31:50,042 --> 00:31:51,375
This is your problem.
687
00:31:51,542 --> 00:31:54,958
I was just expressing my
sexuality in a healthy manner.
688
00:31:55,125 --> 00:31:59,042
God forbid, Marcus,
that we experiment a little bit.
689
00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,458
MARCUS:
Fine.
690
00:32:00,625 --> 00:32:04,542
I'm going back to the city
and I'm taking the iPod.
691
00:32:04,708 --> 00:32:06,958
Fine. Leave!
692
00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:09,417
And your breath is terrible!
693
00:32:09,583 --> 00:32:12,583
My breath is natural.
Unlike your vagina.
694
00:32:13,542 --> 00:32:15,083
ALISON:
Fuck you!
695
00:32:17,417 --> 00:32:18,542
[SOBS]
696
00:32:19,708 --> 00:32:21,042
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
697
00:32:21,208 --> 00:32:23,625
Oh. Jesus.
698
00:32:24,542 --> 00:32:25,542
Sorry.
699
00:32:25,708 --> 00:32:27,917
Ahem. It's all right.
700
00:32:31,708 --> 00:32:34,125
The worst part is
I'm just peeing right now.
701
00:32:50,292 --> 00:32:52,000
I've been kicking
around a few ideas.
702
00:32:52,167 --> 00:32:54,042
Party themes.
Let me know what you think.
703
00:32:54,208 --> 00:32:57,500
First one, Roman, right?
You're talking togas, wine,
704
00:32:57,667 --> 00:32:59,875
bushels of grapes,
the whole deal.
705
00:33:00,042 --> 00:33:01,917
Then I also have '70s, right?
706
00:33:02,083 --> 00:33:05,542
We got the swinger vibe,
polyester, big hair,
707
00:33:05,708 --> 00:33:08,542
upstairs and down, you know?
Um, I don't know.
708
00:33:08,708 --> 00:33:11,125
What about the Kama Sutra?
709
00:33:11,292 --> 00:33:12,708
That's actually not bad.
Yeah?
710
00:33:12,875 --> 00:33:15,583
Yeah, yeah, like the sex secrets
of the East, right?
711
00:33:15,750 --> 00:33:17,708
Mm-hm.
Oh, that's... Yeah.
712
00:33:17,875 --> 00:33:21,667
You know you have like,
uh, incense, tapestries.
713
00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:24,333
Veils, diaphanous fabrics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
714
00:33:24,500 --> 00:33:27,250
I have no idea what the hell
that is, but I like it.
715
00:33:27,417 --> 00:33:29,583
You and me, we're on the
same page with this.
716
00:33:29,750 --> 00:33:32,083
Right? I think so.
Absolutely.
717
00:33:32,250 --> 00:33:34,417
How do you spell 'Kama'?
Yeah.
718
00:33:34,583 --> 00:33:36,042
Dude, babe alert at 3 o'clock.
719
00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:38,042
Three o'clock.
My 3, my 3.
720
00:33:38,208 --> 00:33:41,042
[McCRUDDEN IMITATES TRUMPET]
721
00:33:41,833 --> 00:33:43,042
[ERIC CHUCKLES]
722
00:33:43,208 --> 00:33:44,375
Wait.
That hurls my dink.
723
00:33:44,542 --> 00:33:45,875
Wait a minute.
That's Kelly.
724
00:33:46,042 --> 00:33:48,542
Who?
My Realtor.
725
00:33:48,667 --> 00:33:50,250
Oh, shit, the enemy.
726
00:33:50,917 --> 00:33:52,625
Listen to me. Listen.
727
00:33:52,792 --> 00:33:55,708
We cannot afford to lose the casa
de sex before Labor Day, okay?
728
00:33:55,875 --> 00:33:58,792
You go over there, you get in
tight with her, lay on the charm,
729
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,875
and get her to drag ass
selling the house.
730
00:34:01,042 --> 00:34:02,375
No, no, that is...
Yes, yes.
731
00:34:02,542 --> 00:34:04,833
She is a tough cookie.
She'll see through that.
732
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,958
Her? Please, dude,
you're the king.
733
00:34:07,125 --> 00:34:10,417
A little winey-diney, she'll
be your humble wench servant.
734
00:34:11,375 --> 00:34:13,375
Keep friends close,
but enemies closer.
735
00:34:13,542 --> 00:34:16,833
Yeah. That doesn't make any sense.
Just go fucking charm her, okay?
736
00:34:17,167 --> 00:34:18,542
Okay.
Go, go, go.
737
00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:19,958
All right.
Do the thing.
738
00:34:20,125 --> 00:34:23,375
What?
The smile thing. Ahem.
739
00:34:24,375 --> 00:34:27,542
Kelly. Kelly. Hi.
Oh, Eric.
740
00:34:29,250 --> 00:34:30,958
Oh, my God, look at this.
Watch.
741
00:34:31,125 --> 00:34:34,167
I hope anything I said didn't screw
anything up with the client.
742
00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:36,458
I was joking around.
I didn't freak them out?
743
00:34:36,625 --> 00:34:38,292
Oh, no. Not at all.
Oh, good.
744
00:34:38,458 --> 00:34:41,167
You were wearing that helmet
so I was able to convince them
745
00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:44,208
that, you know,
you ride the short bus.
746
00:34:44,375 --> 00:34:46,042
Well, that's good.
747
00:34:46,208 --> 00:34:47,583
Yeah. Thanks.
Well played.
748
00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:50,083
Hey, do you mind if...?
Maybe I can make up to you.
749
00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:52,042
Take you out to dinner
or something?
750
00:34:52,208 --> 00:34:54,083
Could be fun, yeah?
Oh, gosh, thanks.
751
00:34:54,250 --> 00:34:58,375
Um, technically, I'm not supposed
to go out with clients so..
752
00:34:58,542 --> 00:35:01,458
Well, technically
my dad's the client.
753
00:35:01,625 --> 00:35:04,458
Right now I'm just some
random dude on the beach.
754
00:35:04,625 --> 00:35:07,125
She's smiling. Look, she's smiling.
She's buying it.
755
00:35:07,292 --> 00:35:09,625
Okay. I'll go to dinner
with you.
756
00:35:09,792 --> 00:35:10,875
All right.
757
00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,208
But, tell me which party
we met at.
758
00:35:13,375 --> 00:35:15,542
Was it one of my parties?
Mm-hm.
759
00:35:15,708 --> 00:35:17,333
Okay. What, um...
760
00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:19,875
Oh, was it the
Cuba Libre party because
761
00:35:20,042 --> 00:35:22,250
I was in mojito haze
that whole day and I just...
762
00:35:22,417 --> 00:35:23,792
- I
763
00:35:23,958 --> 00:35:25,292
Oktoberfest in July?
764
00:35:25,458 --> 00:35:27,375
Nope.
Oh, oh, no, no, I know.
765
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:28,625
I know.
766
00:35:28,792 --> 00:35:32,042
Uh, it was the Shir Trek versus Shir
Wars Battle for the Universe Party
767
00:35:32,208 --> 00:35:35,042
and you were dressed
as Obi-Wan Kenobi.
768
00:35:35,208 --> 00:35:37,542
How drunk do you get
at these parties?
769
00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:40,542
Uh, pretty drunk.
It's kind of a social obligation.
770
00:35:40,708 --> 00:35:43,292
Okay. I'm gonna
give you a hint.
771
00:35:43,458 --> 00:35:45,042
I wear a size 9 shoe.
772
00:35:46,792 --> 00:35:48,500
Oh, my God.
773
00:35:48,667 --> 00:35:50,708
Oh, my God,
you're bean dip girl.
774
00:35:50,875 --> 00:35:52,875
You're bean dip girl?
I am.
775
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,125
Have you been bean dip
girl the whole time?
776
00:35:55,292 --> 00:35:57,458
Oh, he's so good.
777
00:35:57,625 --> 00:35:59,708
I can't believe that.
I was gonna call you.
778
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:01,208
I had your number on my hand
779
00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:03,250
and I jumped in the pool
and it was gone.
780
00:36:03,417 --> 00:36:05,917
I thought I lost you.
I thought you were gone forever.
781
00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:07,292
And you...
782
00:36:07,458 --> 00:36:09,625
You look so much better
without the fake baby.
783
00:36:09,792 --> 00:36:11,375
I actually prefer the mullet.
784
00:36:11,542 --> 00:36:12,875
Oh, I just cut it yesterday.
785
00:36:13,042 --> 00:36:14,250
Oh.
For work.
786
00:36:14,417 --> 00:36:17,417
Don't think this whole funny,
charming thing right now
787
00:36:17,583 --> 00:36:19,375
gets you off
for stealing my signs.
788
00:36:19,542 --> 00:36:21,667
I don't know
what you're talking about.
789
00:36:21,833 --> 00:36:23,750
I'm furious
those signs are gone.
790
00:36:23,917 --> 00:36:25,375
You're lying.
I'm not lying.
791
00:36:25,542 --> 00:36:27,208
Your voice just went up.
What?
792
00:36:27,917 --> 00:36:29,208
I'm a ...
793
00:36:29,375 --> 00:36:31,708
[IN DEEP VOICE]
I'm not lying. I am not lying.
794
00:36:31,875 --> 00:36:33,292
You're so lying.
No, I'm not.
795
00:36:33,458 --> 00:36:35,333
Fucking James Bond. Fuck.
796
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:36,542
[LAUGHS]
797
00:36:36,708 --> 00:36:39,750
DUQUEZ:
Wow, look at that, huh?
798
00:36:39,917 --> 00:36:43,042
Holy smokes.
Another gorgeous shot.
799
00:36:43,208 --> 00:36:44,375
Yeah, thanks.
800
00:36:45,917 --> 00:36:48,542
What should I use,
pitching wedge or nine?
801
00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:50,833
I used the nine.
802
00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:53,458
I think maybe
I should use the wedge.
803
00:36:53,625 --> 00:36:55,042
Or use the wedge.
804
00:36:58,292 --> 00:37:00,333
Ugh! Why am I like this?
805
00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:03,708
Oh, just pick a club and hit it.
What is the big deal?
806
00:37:04,833 --> 00:37:06,583
Will you do the orgy with me?
807
00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:09,625
Hey, can we play through?
808
00:37:09,792 --> 00:37:10,875
Hold on a second, man.
809
00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:15,583
The orgy
810
00:37:15,750 --> 00:37:17,875
You think that would be
a good idea?
811
00:37:18,042 --> 00:37:19,083
[SCOFFS]
812
00:37:19,250 --> 00:37:21,750
I'm stuck.
And I think the reason
813
00:37:21,917 --> 00:37:24,208
is because
I feel like a fucking fraud.
814
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:27,792
I'm not cool.
I have a law degree.
815
00:37:27,958 --> 00:37:31,375
I ride a motorcycle and it scares
the fucking shit out of me.
816
00:37:31,542 --> 00:37:33,958
And I play golf at my mom's
fucking country club
817
00:37:34,708 --> 00:37:36,292
with assholes like this.
818
00:37:36,458 --> 00:37:39,125
What's the holdup?
Play the wedge!
819
00:37:39,625 --> 00:37:41,750
This is not rock'n'roll.
820
00:37:43,125 --> 00:37:45,542
This could be
really good for me.
821
00:37:45,708 --> 00:37:47,708
For me and for us.
822
00:37:48,375 --> 00:37:50,583
Will you do the orgy with me?
823
00:37:53,417 --> 00:37:55,542
Sure, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Yeah.
824
00:37:56,583 --> 00:37:57,875
Really?
825
00:37:58,792 --> 00:38:01,125
Holy shit.
Yeah.
826
00:38:02,833 --> 00:38:05,875
If you're sure
this is what you want.
827
00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:08,708
Yeah, absolutely.
828
00:38:08,875 --> 00:38:11,042
Good.
I think.
829
00:38:11,208 --> 00:38:13,333
GOLFER:
Fore!
830
00:38:20,958 --> 00:38:23,375
So you wanna know why
guys don't get as excited
831
00:38:23,542 --> 00:38:26,042
about their wedding
as women do?
832
00:38:26,208 --> 00:38:29,708
See, it used to be like a guy would get
rewarded for his commitment with sex.
833
00:38:29,875 --> 00:38:32,542
But you and Glenn have
had sex like a billion times.
834
00:38:32,708 --> 00:38:35,042
For God's sake, you guys
have a kid together.
835
00:38:35,208 --> 00:38:40,750
So for Glenn, it's just kind of
like all commitment, no reward.
836
00:38:40,917 --> 00:38:42,375
You know?
837
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,583
I'm the fucking reward.
838
00:38:45,750 --> 00:38:47,375
Of course you are.
Of course.
839
00:38:49,792 --> 00:38:51,917
Something's wrong.
He's never late.
840
00:38:52,083 --> 00:38:54,125
Try him again.
I have been trying him.
841
00:38:54,292 --> 00:38:55,708
He's not answering his phone.
842
00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:58,458
At least he won't wear a white
tuxedo like you dickheads.
843
00:38:59,208 --> 00:39:01,250
Oh, God, that's good.
844
00:39:01,417 --> 00:39:04,667
[MOANING]
845
00:39:04,833 --> 00:39:06,208
Oh, sweet Lord in heaven.
846
00:39:06,375 --> 00:39:08,000
What the fuck, are you stoned?
847
00:39:08,167 --> 00:39:10,375
No. No, no, no, better.
848
00:39:10,542 --> 00:39:13,167
I'm wearing a thing called
The Yank. From Adam & Eve.
849
00:39:13,333 --> 00:39:16,208
One end straps around your leg,
the other end around your Wang.
850
00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:20,333
The brochure says, 'With every stride,
it gives your member a gentle tug.'
851
00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:21,542
Ahh.
852
00:39:21,708 --> 00:39:24,542
What are you doing with a rope
on your cock at my wedding?
853
00:39:24,708 --> 00:39:26,625
Endurance training, Labor Day.
854
00:39:26,792 --> 00:39:29,708
Mm-mm.
For what? A jack-off marathon?
855
00:39:30,417 --> 00:39:32,625
What? Uh, yeah.
856
00:39:32,792 --> 00:39:35,458
That's exactly it.
You nailed it. Heh, heh.
857
00:39:35,625 --> 00:39:37,292
Hey, check it out.
Look who's here.
858
00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:40,250
Oh, fantastic.
Another asshole in white tails.
859
00:39:40,417 --> 00:39:42,708
Keep the change, man.
860
00:39:43,833 --> 00:39:45,542
ERIC:
Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.
861
00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:48,375
Well, well, well.
Look at you.
862
00:39:48,542 --> 00:39:52,083
You're late, you're in costume,
and you appear to be hammered.
863
00:39:52,250 --> 00:39:53,417
Who the hell are you?
864
00:39:53,583 --> 00:39:55,708
Long story. I got fired.
865
00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:57,042
What?
What?
866
00:39:57,208 --> 00:40:00,708
It had more to do with the fact that I
almost blew a $2 billion merger deal
867
00:40:00,875 --> 00:40:03,875
because some bozo jumped into
the pool with my blackberry.
868
00:40:04,250 --> 00:40:05,917
Oh, shit. Dude.
869
00:40:06,083 --> 00:40:08,208
I spent most of last night
crying and drinking
870
00:40:08,375 --> 00:40:12,208
and then I drunk-dialed my mom.
She kind of talked me down.
871
00:40:12,375 --> 00:40:14,042
Then I woke up this morning,
872
00:40:14,208 --> 00:40:17,375
had a little more to drink
and I realized, you know what?
873
00:40:17,542 --> 00:40:19,583
This is good. I'm free.
874
00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:21,042
Adam, I'm so sorry.
875
00:40:21,208 --> 00:40:23,125
Shh, shh, shush.
You're my friend.
876
00:40:23,292 --> 00:40:25,208
No, they took my twenties
from me.
877
00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:28,417
And I plan to make my thirties
making up for it.
878
00:40:28,583 --> 00:40:30,208
And you know what else?
879
00:40:30,375 --> 00:40:32,958
I'm doing the orgy. Fuck it.
880
00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:34,542
GLENN Orgy?
881
00:40:34,708 --> 00:40:36,292
What orgy?
882
00:40:36,458 --> 00:40:38,083
The fuck are you talking about?
883
00:40:38,250 --> 00:40:40,958
See, this is exactly why we
should have told him, Eric.
884
00:40:41,125 --> 00:40:42,417
Told me what?
885
00:40:42,583 --> 00:40:44,708
That's what we're doing
for Labor Day. An orgy.
886
00:40:44,875 --> 00:40:47,458
Bullshit. Who's having an orgy?
887
00:40:47,625 --> 00:40:49,917
It's me, Willow,
these two fellas,
888
00:40:50,083 --> 00:40:52,417
Laura, Sue, now drunkie.
889
00:40:52,583 --> 00:40:53,708
Waiting on Alison.
890
00:40:53,875 --> 00:40:55,875
Jesus H.
Fucking Christ.
891
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,917
How come you cocksuckers didn't
think of this fucking orgy idea
892
00:40:59,083 --> 00:41:01,375
five fucking years ago?
God damn it!
893
00:41:01,542 --> 00:41:03,583
Ahem. Uh, Glenn.
894
00:41:03,750 --> 00:41:06,417
I'm afraid we're gonna have
to shirt without your friend.
895
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:07,833
Oh, he's here.
He's, uh...
896
00:41:08,167 --> 00:41:09,917
Hi, Rabbi.
No.
897
00:41:10,542 --> 00:41:11,917
Pardon my French.
898
00:41:12,417 --> 00:41:13,833
[MOANS]
899
00:41:14,583 --> 00:41:16,000
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
900
00:41:16,167 --> 00:41:17,333
All right, everybody.
901
00:41:17,500 --> 00:41:20,000
Introducing
for the very first time,
902
00:41:20,167 --> 00:41:22,583
Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Pasillio.
903
00:41:22,750 --> 00:41:23,917
[ALL CHEERING]
904
00:41:24,083 --> 00:41:27,125
Paciello.
Paciellio.
905
00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:32,333
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
906
00:41:33,542 --> 00:41:34,667
Here we go.
907
00:41:34,833 --> 00:41:35,875
Whoo, whoo, whoo!
908
00:41:36,542 --> 00:41:37,708
I am married.
909
00:41:40,375 --> 00:41:41,375
Thank you.
910
00:41:43,208 --> 00:41:46,042
I can't believe you guys
broke up because you shaved.
911
00:41:46,208 --> 00:41:48,125
He's the weirdest,
creepiest guy ever.
912
00:41:48,292 --> 00:41:49,958
BARTENDER:
Here you are, ladies.
913
00:41:50,125 --> 00:41:52,542
You guys are definitely
broken up this time, right?
914
00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:55,708
[SHARON CLARK'S 'I'M NOT AFRAID
OF LOVE' PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
915
00:41:55,875 --> 00:41:57,250
Fuck relationships.
916
00:41:57,417 --> 00:42:01,208
Right now, all I wanna
do is have some fun.
917
00:42:02,500 --> 00:42:06,542
No, I'm not afraid of love?
918
00:42:06,708 --> 00:42:07,875
[LAUGHS]
919
00:42:09,625 --> 00:42:12,708
Just because I run away?
920
00:42:12,875 --> 00:42:13,875
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
921
00:42:14,042 --> 00:42:16,583
When you say you need me?
922
00:42:17,625 --> 00:42:21,042
I'm not afraid?
923
00:42:21,208 --> 00:42:23,042
[CLINKING]
924
00:42:23,208 --> 00:42:26,083
I'm not afraid?
925
00:42:27,333 --> 00:42:29,167
Labor Day.
926
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,042
I'm in.
927
00:42:31,208 --> 00:42:33,042
Yes. Yes.
928
00:42:33,208 --> 00:42:34,875
Oh, and I'm fully shaved.
929
00:42:35,042 --> 00:42:36,542
[CUTLERY CLATTERS]
930
00:42:36,708 --> 00:42:38,542
Alison.
Oh, no, no, no.
931
00:42:38,708 --> 00:42:40,708
I'm not making a speech.
932
00:42:40,875 --> 00:42:44,042
Sorry about that.
It's, uh, private conversation.
933
00:42:44,208 --> 00:42:45,292
[CHUCKLES]
934
00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:50,708
You know what they're doing over Labor Day?
Do you know what the party is?
935
00:42:50,875 --> 00:42:51,958
What?
936
00:42:52,125 --> 00:42:54,542
They're having a fucking orgy.
937
00:42:54,708 --> 00:42:56,917
Heh-heh-heh.
What are you talking about?
938
00:42:57,083 --> 00:42:59,625
They are having an orgy.
939
00:43:00,458 --> 00:43:01,583
Like a sex orgy?
940
00:43:01,750 --> 00:43:03,875
Like a sex orgy
and we're not invited.
941
00:43:04,042 --> 00:43:06,542
[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
942
00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:09,083
Hey. Hi.
943
00:43:09,250 --> 00:43:10,625
So is it true?
944
00:43:10,792 --> 00:43:13,000
That all of you
are having this orgy
945
00:43:13,167 --> 00:43:15,042
and you didn't think
to invite us?
946
00:43:17,208 --> 00:43:20,083
What are you all
looking at me for? I...
947
00:43:20,250 --> 00:43:22,792
Guys, you just got married,
okay?
948
00:43:22,958 --> 00:43:24,917
L... You have a kid.
You don't...
949
00:43:25,083 --> 00:43:27,375
Don't you think
it's a little inappropriate?
950
00:43:27,542 --> 00:43:29,208
Well, of course
we wouldn't come.
951
00:43:29,375 --> 00:43:32,208
It's that you didn't ask us.
You didn't even think of us.
952
00:43:32,375 --> 00:43:34,792
In fact, you specifically
hid this from us.
953
00:43:34,958 --> 00:43:36,917
We invited all you
to be here today,
954
00:43:37,083 --> 00:43:39,417
just the most special
day of our lives,
955
00:43:39,583 --> 00:43:43,458
and you, who are supposed
to be our closest friends...
956
00:43:43,625 --> 00:43:46,708
There were family members who didn't
get invited so you could come.
957
00:43:46,875 --> 00:43:48,042
Family members.
Right.
958
00:43:48,875 --> 00:43:52,625
Now, we're just totally out of your
pervy little social club. Huh?
959
00:43:53,750 --> 00:43:54,875
I don't believe this.
960
00:43:57,208 --> 00:43:59,583
[ALL GIGGLING]
961
00:44:01,375 --> 00:44:03,542
ERIC: Sorry.
Are you happy?
962
00:44:05,167 --> 00:44:08,542
Because you and your stupid orgy
just ruined our goddamn wedding.
963
00:44:08,708 --> 00:44:10,750
ERIC: Oh, come on, Glenn.
GLENN: Kate!
964
00:44:11,042 --> 00:44:13,542
Is it too late to invite them?
I'll go talk to her.
965
00:44:13,708 --> 00:44:14,750
ALL:
No!
966
00:44:14,917 --> 00:44:16,833
Are you kidding me?
Guys, it's Katie.
967
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,625
She's gonna be fine
in like an hour.
968
00:44:18,792 --> 00:44:20,542
I just realized
I'm really hammered
969
00:44:20,708 --> 00:44:22,792
and I would really
like to dance.
970
00:44:22,958 --> 00:44:24,292
I'm dancing too.
971
00:44:24,458 --> 00:44:27,250
This reminds me
of our senior prom.
972
00:44:27,417 --> 00:44:29,417
You still won't give me
a hand job, right?
973
00:44:29,583 --> 00:44:32,375
[ELI 'PAPERBOY' REED'S '(DOIN'
THE) BOOM BOOM' PLAYING]
974
00:44:32,542 --> 00:44:34,208
It's the boom boom?
975
00:44:35,250 --> 00:44:37,208
It's the boom boom?
976
00:44:41,208 --> 00:44:42,958
Oh, baby?
977
00:44:43,125 --> 00:44:44,375
McCRUDDEN:
Oh, God.
978
00:44:44,542 --> 00:44:46,417
[YELLING]]
979
00:44:50,375 --> 00:44:54,000
KELLY: It's amazing that you're still
so tight with your high school friends.
980
00:44:54,167 --> 00:44:56,042
None of mine moved
back after college.
981
00:44:56,208 --> 00:44:59,042
Yeah, it's a, uh... I don't know,
it's maybe corny to say,
982
00:44:59,208 --> 00:45:01,083
but these guys and gals
are kind of like
983
00:45:01,250 --> 00:45:03,750
the closest thing I've got
to a family these days.
984
00:45:03,917 --> 00:45:07,042
That's why the house, the summer
house, it's like our rec center.
985
00:45:07,542 --> 00:45:09,875
I think we're getting an offer
on the rec center.
986
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:12,500
My dad will be thrilled.
987
00:45:12,667 --> 00:45:14,042
I knew it.
What?
988
00:45:14,208 --> 00:45:16,625
I knew it wasn't a family
decision to sell the house.
989
00:45:16,792 --> 00:45:20,083
No. We're not big into
family decisions any more.
990
00:45:20,250 --> 00:45:22,500
My mom,
she lives in Portland, Oregon,
991
00:45:22,667 --> 00:45:25,792
with this, uh,
Reiki healer asshole.
992
00:45:25,958 --> 00:45:28,583
Tell me exactly how you feel.
Oh, he's good. He's good.
993
00:45:28,750 --> 00:45:31,333
Uh, no, she's kind of
out of the picture.
994
00:45:31,500 --> 00:45:34,083
Her doing. Um, yeah,
it's just me and my dad.
995
00:45:34,250 --> 00:45:36,833
Hm, well, your dad
seems like a fun guy.
996
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,042
Oh!
Yeah?
997
00:45:38,208 --> 00:45:40,250
Yeah, yeah, he's very fun.
He's a hoot.
998
00:45:40,417 --> 00:45:43,208
Kind of like being raised
by an older fraternity brother.
999
00:45:43,375 --> 00:45:45,917
He hit on me a little bit.
No.
1000
00:45:46,083 --> 00:45:48,208
He ask you to play golf?
Yes.
1001
00:45:48,375 --> 00:45:50,708
That's his move.
He's very good at golf. Very good.
1002
00:45:50,875 --> 00:45:54,042
But he did it right in front
of Cherie and she had no idea.
1003
00:45:54,208 --> 00:45:55,750
Neither did my mom for a while.
1004
00:45:56,125 --> 00:45:58,042
Now if you will excuse me, Oh.
1005
00:45:58,208 --> 00:46:00,125
I have to win this game
if you don't mind.
1006
00:46:00,292 --> 00:46:03,000
Does this make you...?
It's a little distracting.
1007
00:46:03,167 --> 00:46:05,125
That's not distracting at all. Oh!
Jesus.
1008
00:46:05,292 --> 00:46:07,625
I lied.
It was a little distracting.
1009
00:46:07,792 --> 00:46:08,958
Help.
1010
00:46:12,875 --> 00:46:16,000
ERIC: Fred's Beds?
Are you sure this is the right place?
1011
00:46:16,375 --> 00:46:20,083
McCRUDDEN: Yeah. What do you think
this is, an underground sex club?
1012
00:46:20,750 --> 00:46:22,375
ERIC: Do you have any
idea where you're going?
1013
00:46:22,542 --> 00:46:24,583
McCRUDDEN: He said come in
through the warehouse entrance.
1014
00:46:24,750 --> 00:46:25,917
You got rubbers on you?
1015
00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:27,125
No.
What?
1016
00:46:27,292 --> 00:46:29,250
We are here to observe.
That is all.
1017
00:46:29,417 --> 00:46:31,500
It's a sex club.
Semper fi. Always prepared.
1018
00:46:31,667 --> 00:46:34,458
You know what I mean?
Doesn't that mean 'always faithful'?
1019
00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:36,708
Hey, who took Latin
in seventh grade?
1020
00:46:36,875 --> 00:46:40,125
Moi, okay? I brought a pack
with me if you need one.
1021
00:46:40,292 --> 00:46:42,125
Give me the signal.
I won't need one.
1022
00:46:42,292 --> 00:46:44,333
Alto id?
Yeah.
1023
00:46:47,958 --> 00:46:49,000
What do you want?
1024
00:46:49,167 --> 00:46:51,333
The password is chandelier.
1025
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,042
Who's your connection?
1026
00:46:55,208 --> 00:46:58,292
Vic George, friend of my uncle's.
Yeah. He told me to expect you.
1027
00:46:58,458 --> 00:46:59,542
Come on in.
1028
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:02,250
[THE HERBALISER'S 'THE SENSUAL
WOMAN' PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1029
00:47:04,083 --> 00:47:06,917
So welcome to the Paradise.
1030
00:47:11,167 --> 00:47:12,208
What the fuck?
1031
00:47:12,750 --> 00:47:14,167
Can I hike your clothes?
No.
1032
00:47:14,333 --> 00:47:15,583
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
1033
00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:16,875
Okay, follow me.
Yeah.
1034
00:47:17,042 --> 00:47:19,208
This is Bill.
ERIC: Hey, Bill.
1035
00:47:19,375 --> 00:47:21,083
That was a panda.
1036
00:47:21,250 --> 00:47:22,333
Go easy on that thing.
1037
00:47:22,500 --> 00:47:24,542
Didi, Ginger.
1038
00:47:24,792 --> 00:47:26,375
Clambake.
1039
00:47:26,542 --> 00:47:28,792
Good look at that. That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
1040
00:47:28,958 --> 00:47:31,958
This group right here.
They're crazy, crazy, crazy.
1041
00:47:32,125 --> 00:47:33,583
Heh, heh.
FRED: Okay.
1042
00:47:33,750 --> 00:47:36,500
If you guys get a shot, get in the swing.
You will love it.
1043
00:47:36,667 --> 00:47:38,417
ERIC:
My grandma has that thing.
1044
00:47:38,583 --> 00:47:40,167
Another time, probably.
1045
00:47:40,333 --> 00:47:42,083
You need anything,
just ask for Fred.
1046
00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:44,292
Oh, Fred's Beds?
That's a different Fred.
1047
00:47:44,458 --> 00:47:45,500
I'm a dentist.
1048
00:47:45,667 --> 00:47:48,792
Vic, he is over there in the
futon section. All right?
1049
00:47:48,958 --> 00:47:50,125
Okay.
Have a good time.
1050
00:47:50,292 --> 00:47:51,333
Thanks, Dr. Fred.
1051
00:47:51,500 --> 00:47:52,625
You guys be good.
1052
00:47:52,792 --> 00:47:55,542
ERIC: Whoa. Should've had
this guy at the wedding.
1053
00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,208
Love the new Price is Right.
1054
00:47:57,375 --> 00:47:59,208
[COCOSUMAS THE JAR
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1055
00:47:59,375 --> 00:48:02,958
Work it out Tum it straight?
1056
00:48:03,125 --> 00:48:05,417
You're the man For the job?
1057
00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:06,625
What are you doing?
1058
00:48:06,792 --> 00:48:07,875
[CHUCKLES]
1059
00:48:08,042 --> 00:48:09,292
[MOANING]
1060
00:48:09,458 --> 00:48:11,250
Oh, my God.
Oh, fuck.
1061
00:48:11,417 --> 00:48:12,750
MCCRUDDEN Vic?
1062
00:48:12,917 --> 00:48:15,167
Hey, Mikey Hey
1063
00:48:15,333 --> 00:48:16,792
Little McCrudden.
1064
00:48:16,958 --> 00:48:19,708
Holy shit, you've grown.
Yeah.
1065
00:48:19,875 --> 00:48:21,542
How you doing, baby?
Good, good.
1066
00:48:22,375 --> 00:48:24,542
How's your folks?
Good, they're on a cruise
1067
00:48:24,708 --> 00:48:26,583
Mom got her pound cake
recipe published.
1068
00:48:26,750 --> 00:48:29,125
This is my buddy Eric.
Eric, Vic.
1069
00:48:29,292 --> 00:48:31,042
Your mom's a good woman.
1070
00:48:31,917 --> 00:48:33,167
Oh, how you doing, man?
1071
00:48:34,208 --> 00:48:36,125
Yeah. Good to meet you.
1072
00:48:36,292 --> 00:48:37,333
This is Ellen.
1073
00:48:37,500 --> 00:48:38,542
Ellen.
Hi, guys.
1074
00:48:38,708 --> 00:48:40,125
Hi.
Eric and Mikey.
1075
00:48:40,292 --> 00:48:41,917
It's Mike. I go by Mike now.
1076
00:48:42,083 --> 00:48:43,750
First time at
the Paradise, eh, guys?
1077
00:48:43,917 --> 00:48:45,000
Mm-hm.
ELLEN: Ooh, ooh.
1078
00:48:45,167 --> 00:48:47,125
Got a couple of cherries
to pop.
1079
00:48:47,292 --> 00:48:49,875
Come on, guys, take off
the clothes and get fucking.
1080
00:48:50,042 --> 00:48:53,458
No. No fucking. No. Actually, no, no.
We're here more doing research
1081
00:48:53,625 --> 00:48:55,750
than anything else.
We're gonna throw an orgy.
1082
00:48:55,917 --> 00:48:58,250
We were hoping we can
get a little advice.
1083
00:48:58,417 --> 00:49:01,042
I see. Let's powwow
over at the snack nook.
1084
00:49:01,208 --> 00:49:02,792
Snack nook is good.
Snack nook.
1085
00:49:03,042 --> 00:49:04,375
Just let me finish up here.
1086
00:49:04,542 --> 00:49:06,083
No rush.
Rush if you want.
1087
00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:07,917
Rush a little.
ELLEN: Oh.
1088
00:49:08,083 --> 00:49:11,125
Come on, cowboy.
Time to shine.
1089
00:49:11,292 --> 00:49:12,333
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1090
00:49:12,500 --> 00:49:14,708
VIC: Yeah. Almost.
Let's keep going, just a second.
1091
00:49:14,875 --> 00:49:16,458
I'll be right there,
just a second.
1092
00:49:16,625 --> 00:49:17,833
There we go.
1093
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,083
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1094
00:49:20,792 --> 00:49:22,458
Look at me, not her.
1095
00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:26,625
Look at me, not her. Look at me.
I'm not gonna look at him.
1096
00:49:26,792 --> 00:49:28,458
Ahhh...
1097
00:49:28,625 --> 00:49:31,958
Did your brother finish college?
I know he switched a couple schools.
1098
00:49:32,125 --> 00:49:33,875
Yeah. Oof. Oh.
Yeah.
1099
00:49:34,042 --> 00:49:36,333
Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
1100
00:49:36,500 --> 00:49:38,833
Do me a favor, count me down.
1101
00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:42,042
Five, four, three...
1102
00:49:42,208 --> 00:49:44,542
Go back to 10!
Ten, nine, eight...
1103
00:49:44,708 --> 00:49:48,125
Oh! Your mom's
a good woman.
1104
00:49:48,542 --> 00:49:50,250
A little early on that one.
1105
00:49:50,708 --> 00:49:52,792
[BOTH MOANING AND GRUNTING]
1106
00:49:53,792 --> 00:49:56,917
He just said your mom's
a good woman when he ejaculated,
1107
00:49:57,083 --> 00:49:58,125
just so you know.
1108
00:49:59,792 --> 00:50:01,875
[GRUNTING]
1109
00:50:02,667 --> 00:50:05,333
Holy shit, I got a second one.
1110
00:50:05,583 --> 00:50:07,208
Holy shit.
1111
00:50:14,542 --> 00:50:18,125
So you kids are gonna
have an orgy? Hm?
1112
00:50:18,292 --> 00:50:20,750
[DAMON'S 'DON'T YOU FEEL ME'
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1113
00:50:23,125 --> 00:50:26,542
ERIC: So, Vic, as someone that's
clearly done this type of thing
1114
00:50:26,708 --> 00:50:30,250
thousands of times, I'm guessing,
we could really use your expertise.
1115
00:50:30,417 --> 00:50:33,125
How do we make sure
that the women are into it?
1116
00:50:33,292 --> 00:50:34,875
The women?
Yeah.
1117
00:50:35,042 --> 00:50:37,625
Don't worry about the women,
worry about you guys.
1118
00:50:37,792 --> 00:50:40,250
Us? What?
1119
00:50:40,417 --> 00:50:42,833
Women are in touch
with their sexuality.
1120
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:47,333
Guys are much more likely to freak out
at the sight of someone else's junk.
1121
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:49,333
Taquito?
1122
00:50:51,417 --> 00:50:54,792
Uh... No, thanks.
I ate just before I came.
1123
00:50:54,958 --> 00:50:58,708
You see? This is what I'm talking about.
You're scared shitless.
1124
00:50:58,875 --> 00:51:00,958
You won't even touch
the taquito.
1125
00:51:01,125 --> 00:51:04,625
It's like it's a cock and you're
afraid to put it in your mouth.
1126
00:51:04,792 --> 00:51:08,000
I swear to God, I had a bacon
cheeseburger like 45 minutes ago.
1127
00:51:10,208 --> 00:51:12,000
Hi.
McCRUDDEN: Hi.
1128
00:51:12,167 --> 00:51:14,625
Okay, so how
do we make it happen?
1129
00:51:14,792 --> 00:51:17,292
You can't make an orgy happen.
1130
00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:19,292
It has to evolve organically.
1131
00:51:19,458 --> 00:51:21,917
Just because you have a bunch
of naked people in the room
1132
00:51:22,083 --> 00:51:23,917
doesn't mean
you're all going to get it on.
1133
00:51:24,083 --> 00:51:26,667
You might just need a really
intense conversation.
1134
00:51:26,833 --> 00:51:29,458
Sometimes a girl just
wants to have a heart-to-heart,
1135
00:51:29,625 --> 00:51:31,333
and she ends up
pulling a train.
1136
00:51:31,708 --> 00:51:34,000
Uh, pulling a train?
Mm.
1137
00:51:34,167 --> 00:51:35,667
Yeah, you know.
A train.
1138
00:51:35,833 --> 00:51:39,750
Gawk, gawk, gawk.
Chicka-chicka-chicka. Whoo-whoo!
1139
00:51:39,917 --> 00:51:42,417
Ha-ha-ha.
That's a choo-choo train. Thank you.
1140
00:51:42,583 --> 00:51:44,500
Hey. Ellen, hello.
1141
00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:46,708
Vic.
Two-minute warning.
1142
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:48,458
ELLEN:
I'm ready whenever you are.
1143
00:51:49,542 --> 00:51:51,500
She always is.
Ah.
1144
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,958
ERIC: Wow. Yes.
One more thing.
1145
00:51:54,125 --> 00:51:56,708
Every wolf pack has a leader.
I take it you're the lead wolf?
1146
00:51:56,875 --> 00:52:00,250
Fucking A.
Uh, yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.
1147
00:52:00,417 --> 00:52:02,958
VIC: Well, then it's
all on your shoulders.
1148
00:52:03,125 --> 00:52:06,625
If you don't run,
nobody behind you can run.
1149
00:52:06,792 --> 00:52:09,542
Oh, that's good.
What does that mean? What do I do?
1150
00:52:09,708 --> 00:52:12,000
You have to get naked.
1151
00:52:13,042 --> 00:52:14,333
Okay...
1152
00:52:14,500 --> 00:52:16,958
Uh... I get that.
VIC: Mm-hm.
1153
00:52:17,125 --> 00:52:19,417
Not just your body.
1154
00:52:19,750 --> 00:52:25,000
You've goth get naked in your mind,
in your heart, in your soul.
1155
00:52:25,167 --> 00:52:27,667
You've goth be honest
with yourself and everybody
1156
00:52:27,833 --> 00:52:31,833
about what you want. If you're
a pegger, be honest about that.
1157
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,500
Okay.
If you're polyamorous,
1158
00:52:33,667 --> 00:52:34,708
put it out there.
1159
00:52:34,875 --> 00:52:37,042
You want to put on
a diaper, embrace it.
1160
00:52:37,208 --> 00:52:40,250
But trust me, if you put up walls,
everybody's gonna put up walls.
1161
00:52:40,417 --> 00:52:42,167
The whole thing is
dead in the water.
1162
00:52:42,333 --> 00:52:43,958
What is a pegger?
1163
00:52:44,125 --> 00:52:46,125
Chick fucks a dude up the ass
with a strap-on.
1164
00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:50,458
Yeah, not really my bag,
but like I always say,
1165
00:52:50,625 --> 00:52:52,208
I'm willing to try
anything twice.
1166
00:52:52,375 --> 00:52:54,125
[ALL LAUGHING]
1167
00:52:54,292 --> 00:52:55,417
I always say it.
1168
00:52:55,583 --> 00:52:57,000
Ha-ha-ha!
1169
00:52:57,167 --> 00:52:58,250
Hey, guys. Hey!
1170
00:52:58,750 --> 00:53:01,083
Hello, senator. Hello.
1171
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:04,125
This is a lot to process.
1172
00:53:04,292 --> 00:53:05,333
[VIC SIGHS]
1173
00:53:05,500 --> 00:53:06,667
VIC:
You listen to me.
1174
00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:10,958
You can't force it
and you can't fake it.
1175
00:53:11,125 --> 00:53:13,292
So you better cut the bullshit,
1176
00:53:13,458 --> 00:53:16,875
nut up, and be a man.
1177
00:53:18,667 --> 00:53:20,167
Now if you'll excuse me,
1178
00:53:20,333 --> 00:53:22,542
I feel the blood
rushing back to my sword.
1179
00:53:22,708 --> 00:53:24,500
I noticed that.
1180
00:53:25,875 --> 00:53:28,250
Well, hey, Vic, thank you.
This is all good stuff.
1181
00:53:28,417 --> 00:53:30,250
Good advice.
Yeah. Good. Thank you.
1182
00:53:30,417 --> 00:53:31,458
My pleasure, guys.
1183
00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:33,833
Okay, watch that thing.
This is unnecessary.
1184
00:53:34,167 --> 00:53:35,958
Watch that thing.
1185
00:53:36,375 --> 00:53:37,917
VIC:
Good luck.
1186
00:53:38,958 --> 00:53:40,292
Oh, one more thing.
1187
00:53:40,458 --> 00:53:43,458
Buy some scented candles.
It helps hide the smell of ass.
1188
00:53:43,625 --> 00:53:45,500
Okay. Good, good, good.
1189
00:53:45,667 --> 00:53:47,667
Smart.
Smart, smart, smart.
1190
00:53:47,833 --> 00:53:49,042
Don't eat anything here.
1191
00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:50,917
You son of a bitch.
Don't.
1192
00:53:51,083 --> 00:53:53,167
[ELECTRONICA MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1193
00:53:57,458 --> 00:53:58,500
Uh-oh.
1194
00:53:58,667 --> 00:53:59,958
Holy shit, is that...?
Oh, boy.
1195
00:54:00,125 --> 00:54:02,500
Keep going.
Don't let her see you.
1196
00:54:05,958 --> 00:54:07,833
MAN 1: Oh!
MAN 2: Hey, what the fuck?
1197
00:54:10,708 --> 00:54:13,542
ERIC: Oh. Man, oh, man. All right.
KELLY: That was good?
1198
00:54:13,708 --> 00:54:15,000
That was good.
Yeah.
1199
00:54:15,167 --> 00:54:16,292
Yeah, okay, here we go.
1200
00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:18,333
You ready?
Showtime.
1201
00:54:19,792 --> 00:54:21,833
Sh... Shit.
1202
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,292
I'm gonna count that.
Okay.
1203
00:54:23,458 --> 00:54:25,125
I'm gonna count that there.
Okay.
1204
00:54:25,292 --> 00:54:28,000
Yeah, it's juvenile.
I've been meaning to ask you something.
1205
00:54:28,167 --> 00:54:30,667
What?
What's Dody like as a boss?
1206
00:54:30,833 --> 00:54:34,458
She just seems like she could be
a little, you know, domineering.
1207
00:54:34,625 --> 00:54:38,375
Oh, my gosh, no. I mean, she's
not what you think, you know.
1208
00:54:38,542 --> 00:54:40,833
I mean, of course,
at work she's all business,
1209
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,292
but, Eric, she has
traveled the world.
1210
00:54:43,458 --> 00:54:45,708
No shit.
She speaks all these languages.
1211
00:54:45,875 --> 00:54:48,333
Wow.
She's just full of surprises.
1212
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:50,042
Oh, I bet she is.
1213
00:54:50,208 --> 00:54:52,333
I bet she's been places
I can only imagine.
1214
00:54:52,667 --> 00:54:55,500
So, like, now that
you're super into me...
1215
00:54:55,667 --> 00:54:57,000
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
1216
00:54:57,167 --> 00:54:59,917
No, there's something
I actually have to tell you.
1217
00:55:00,083 --> 00:55:01,542
Sincerely I, um...
Really?
1218
00:55:01,708 --> 00:55:03,667
Yeah, I kind of misled you.
Uh...
1219
00:55:03,833 --> 00:55:08,708
What you saw today was not an actual
representation of my Frisbee golf skills.
1220
00:55:08,875 --> 00:55:11,000
Yeah. I let you win.
1221
00:55:11,167 --> 00:55:12,833
Really? Yeah.
1222
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,000
So I want a rematch.
Like, big time.
1223
00:55:15,875 --> 00:55:18,333
Or you could just stick
to sucking at pool.
1224
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:20,500
Ooh.
1225
00:55:20,667 --> 00:55:22,833
Sss!
Oh.
1226
00:55:28,042 --> 00:55:29,292
One more.
1227
00:55:29,458 --> 00:55:30,667
That's it, though.
No.
1228
00:55:30,833 --> 00:55:32,917
That was the last one.
That's for the road.
1229
00:55:33,083 --> 00:55:34,167
I will call you.
1230
00:55:34,542 --> 00:55:36,458
Okay.
All right.
1231
00:55:39,833 --> 00:55:42,167
What are you doing
for Labor Day?
1232
00:55:43,208 --> 00:55:45,625
Oh, yeah. Is that...?
Yeah, Labor Day.
1233
00:55:45,792 --> 00:55:47,583
Um, you know what?
1234
00:55:47,750 --> 00:55:50,458
The guys and the crew,
we're all gonna, um...
1235
00:55:50,625 --> 00:55:52,500
We're doing
this small little thing,
1236
00:55:52,667 --> 00:55:55,167
this intimate little thing.
Nothing... Nothing special.
1237
00:55:55,333 --> 00:55:57,833
Well, I was thinking
that maybe, you know,
1238
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,667
your friends and my friends
could get together.
1239
00:56:00,833 --> 00:56:02,083
Yeah.
1240
00:56:02,250 --> 00:56:03,667
Oh, that sounds great.
Yeah?
1241
00:56:03,833 --> 00:56:05,750
We should definitely
look into that maybe.
1242
00:56:05,917 --> 00:56:07,333
Yeah. It'd be fun.
1243
00:56:07,500 --> 00:56:10,250
So, wait, Eric, is that...?
Is that a maybe?
1244
00:56:10,417 --> 00:56:13,500
Yeah, it's a maybe. It's a definite maybe.
It's a hard, hard maybe.
1245
00:56:13,667 --> 00:56:15,750
We should definitely
think about doing that.
1246
00:56:15,917 --> 00:56:18,167
Let's lock it in as a possibility.
1247
00:56:18,333 --> 00:56:19,542
Okay.
Okay.
1248
00:56:19,708 --> 00:56:21,958
I'll call you about it.
1249
00:56:22,125 --> 00:56:23,250
Or write you.
1250
00:56:23,417 --> 00:56:25,208
Heh, okay.
1251
00:56:25,375 --> 00:56:27,667
Carrier pigeon. Something.
I'll get a hold of you.
1252
00:56:27,833 --> 00:56:29,542
Good night, Eric.
Good night, Kelly.
1253
00:56:35,542 --> 00:56:38,333
[GRUNTING]
1254
00:56:41,167 --> 00:56:43,042
[GROANS]
1255
00:56:48,542 --> 00:56:50,750
What are you doing up?
Oh, I never went down.
1256
00:56:50,917 --> 00:56:54,375
Stayed up drinking with a dude from Blues
Traveler in the Talkhouse parking lot.
1257
00:56:54,542 --> 00:56:58,750
Like an hour ago, fucking dude
says the bubonic plague is back.
1258
00:56:58,917 --> 00:57:01,167
Great. Another thing
to worry about.
1259
00:57:02,750 --> 00:57:04,333
What are you doing up?
1260
00:57:04,708 --> 00:57:07,208
I got a bit of a situation.
1261
00:57:07,375 --> 00:57:09,167
Hit me.
1262
00:57:09,333 --> 00:57:13,000
Okay, but first off,
you can't tell anyone.
1263
00:57:13,167 --> 00:57:14,958
Dude, look who you're talking to.
1264
00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:16,875
It's the vault.
Seriously.
1265
00:57:17,042 --> 00:57:19,417
A lot of people tell people
you can't tell someone,
1266
00:57:19,583 --> 00:57:22,500
and those people go and tell someone.
That cannot happen.
1267
00:57:22,667 --> 00:57:25,000
Hey. You tell no one.
1268
00:57:25,167 --> 00:57:26,833
Not even Rodrigo?
1269
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:30,333
Why would you tell a 50-year-old
Guatemalan landscaper about my life?
1270
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:33,042
Because he's a good
sounding board, okay?
1271
00:57:33,208 --> 00:57:36,375
But if you're gonna get all weird
about it, I won't tell Rodrigo.
1272
00:57:36,542 --> 00:57:38,542
I appreciate it.
1273
00:57:39,500 --> 00:57:41,417
I went on a date last night.
1274
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:42,833
So far, so good.
1275
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,042
With the Realtor chick.
1276
00:57:45,042 --> 00:57:46,542
Dody Henderson?
Did she peg you?
1277
00:57:46,708 --> 00:57:49,500
No, not Dody.
I went out with Kelly.
1278
00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:50,833
Oh, thank the Lord.
1279
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:53,000
I felt bad for your
butt hole for a minute.
1280
00:57:53,167 --> 00:57:54,208
Heh, heh.
Yeah.
1281
00:57:54,375 --> 00:57:58,583
Yeah, and I think
we've got a problem because
1282
00:57:59,500 --> 00:58:01,167
I really kind of dig her now.
1283
00:58:02,833 --> 00:58:05,167
I don't know what to do
about the orgy situation.
1284
00:58:05,333 --> 00:58:06,708
Are you fucking with me?
1285
00:58:06,875 --> 00:58:09,000
I know.
What are the odds?
1286
00:58:09,167 --> 00:58:10,917
I mean, seriously,
I'm smack dab
1287
00:58:11,083 --> 00:58:12,750
in the middle
of organizing an orgy.
1288
00:58:12,917 --> 00:58:14,250
Orgy, yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
1289
00:58:14,417 --> 00:58:16,833
And I meet the first girl
in a long time
1290
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,542
that I can see myself
having a relationship with.
1291
00:58:19,833 --> 00:58:22,417
Hmm.
I goth tell her about the orgy.
1292
00:58:22,583 --> 00:58:24,500
What? Ha-ha-ha!
1293
00:58:24,667 --> 00:58:27,000
No. No. It's so stupid.
1294
00:58:27,167 --> 00:58:29,417
No. Listen to me. No, no.
1295
00:58:29,583 --> 00:58:33,083
You don't ever, ever, ever
tell her about our little soiree here.
1296
00:58:33,250 --> 00:58:34,667
Ever.
1297
00:58:34,833 --> 00:58:36,333
Have you perked her yet?
1298
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:38,833
Oh, goddamn it, Mike.
I hate when you say stuff.
1299
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,042
No. No, we've kissed.
1300
00:58:41,208 --> 00:58:42,917
Kissed, good. Okay, good.
1301
00:58:43,083 --> 00:58:45,500
Keep it PG until
after Labor Day, okay?
1302
00:58:45,667 --> 00:58:49,042
As long as you haven't had the exclusivity
talk, and you're not boning...
1303
00:58:49,208 --> 00:58:51,000
Yeah, I know.
Then you, my friend,
1304
00:58:51,167 --> 00:58:52,333
are a free agent.
1305
00:58:52,500 --> 00:58:54,458
Mm, I don't know, dude.
1306
00:58:54,625 --> 00:58:58,667
Listen to me.
You do not know what or who
1307
00:58:58,833 --> 00:59:00,708
she's been doing
in her free time, ace.
1308
00:59:00,875 --> 00:59:04,083
So just keep it in your pants
until apr�s Labor Day
1309
00:59:04,250 --> 00:59:05,875
and then
it'll just be this crazy,
1310
00:59:06,042 --> 00:59:09,167
wet, vivid, erotic
1311
00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:12,667
sexual misadventure
in your past
1312
00:59:12,833 --> 00:59:15,667
that you never have to
tell her about.
1313
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:21,042
Okay...
1314
00:59:21,208 --> 00:59:23,167
Okay?
All right, that's the plan.
1315
00:59:23,333 --> 00:59:26,417
Thank you.
That was oddly helpful.
1316
00:59:26,583 --> 00:59:29,500
I am not just a pretty face.
1317
00:59:30,875 --> 00:59:32,250
ADAM:
Oof, ma goof.
1318
00:59:32,417 --> 00:59:34,458
Daddy really needs
to get in shape.
1319
00:59:34,625 --> 00:59:36,667
Oh, I'm with you.
I may even cut out curbs,
1320
00:59:36,833 --> 00:59:39,250
except for pizza
and sandwiches, obviously.
1321
00:59:39,958 --> 00:59:43,833
Are you guys worried at all about
performing in front of everyone else?
1322
00:59:44,542 --> 00:59:46,542
Look, it's not a race.
1323
00:59:46,708 --> 00:59:48,750
Well, assuming
that we can all get wood,
1324
00:59:48,917 --> 00:59:50,667
one of us will have
the smallest dick.
1325
00:59:50,833 --> 00:59:53,708
And I, for one, do not wanna
have the smallest dick.
1326
00:59:53,875 --> 00:59:54,917
Okay. Two things.
1327
00:59:55,083 --> 00:59:58,667
The ladies are gonna be too concerned
about their bodies to think about yours.
1328
00:59:58,833 --> 01:00:01,167
And secondly, that's all myth.
1329
01:00:02,083 --> 01:00:03,833
Women do not care
about penis size.
1330
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,417
Who do you think
has the biggest dick?
1331
01:00:06,583 --> 01:00:07,667
I think I know.
1332
01:00:08,458 --> 01:00:11,500
Boom. Ah!
You're next, Uncle Addie.
1333
01:00:11,667 --> 01:00:13,458
Whoa. Whoa, whoa.
1334
01:00:13,625 --> 01:00:16,375
No one fucking said anything
about giving any fucking blood.
1335
01:00:16,542 --> 01:00:17,833
Oops.
And can someone explain
1336
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:22,000
why they need to puncture your vein to find
out if there's a problem with your shvantz?
1337
01:00:22,167 --> 01:00:24,417
Summer after freshman year,
1338
01:00:24,583 --> 01:00:28,542
Yeah?
I walked in on one of the guys
1339
01:00:28,708 --> 01:00:30,625
whacking off.
1340
01:00:30,792 --> 01:00:32,917
Shut up. Who?
I won't say.
1341
01:00:33,083 --> 01:00:34,458
No, no, no, who?
Who? Who?
1342
01:00:34,625 --> 01:00:40,208
I'm not gonna tell you, but I
will say that it was a monster.
1343
01:00:40,375 --> 01:00:43,042
Hey. That is my blood.
1344
01:00:43,208 --> 01:00:44,667
That used to be inside you.
1345
01:00:44,833 --> 01:00:45,917
I'm gonna lie down.
1346
01:00:46,083 --> 01:00:47,708
What?
Duquez, Duquez!
1347
01:00:47,875 --> 01:00:49,833
You goth give us ballpark...
Right, right.
1348
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:51,000
Like is that...?
1349
01:00:51,167 --> 01:00:53,375
It's more like...
It was like that.
1350
01:00:53,542 --> 01:00:54,917
What?
But the head.
1351
01:00:55,083 --> 01:00:56,625
What?
It's even bigger.
1352
01:00:56,792 --> 01:00:58,000
Mama likes.
1353
01:00:58,167 --> 01:01:00,000
I don't know
if you're gonna like it.
1354
01:01:02,125 --> 01:01:04,458
McCRUDDEN:
Oh, hi.
1355
01:01:04,625 --> 01:01:05,833
KELLY:
Eric?
1356
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,292
Kelly. Uh, we're just
heading back to the city.
1357
01:01:08,458 --> 01:01:10,250
We'll be in touch this week.
Good.
1358
01:01:10,417 --> 01:01:11,458
Regarding the house.
1359
01:01:11,625 --> 01:01:14,500
Of course, the house, yes.
Yeah, I'll page you.
1360
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,375
Dody.
Eric.
1361
01:01:19,542 --> 01:01:21,417
The password this week
is unicorn.
1362
01:01:22,583 --> 01:01:24,625
Well, I don't know
if that'll be nece...
1363
01:01:28,833 --> 01:01:31,333
[ART VS SCIENCE'S 'PARLEZ-VOUS
FRANCAIS?' PLAYING]
1364
01:01:35,833 --> 01:01:38,042
Moving up and down
Like an elevator?
1365
01:01:38,208 --> 01:01:39,667
[BUZZING]
1366
01:01:40,625 --> 01:01:43,083
We're here to share
our experiences
1367
01:01:43,250 --> 01:01:47,000
in creating the perfect orgy
of your personal fantasies.
1368
01:01:47,167 --> 01:01:49,875
[WOMEN MOANING]
1369
01:01:50,042 --> 01:01:51,958
[ALL YELLING]
1370
01:01:52,125 --> 01:01:54,583
ERIC: See that?
Everybody's always touching two people.
1371
01:01:54,750 --> 01:01:56,500
McCRUDDEN:
A little teamwork.
1372
01:01:56,667 --> 01:01:58,208
They're playing good team ball.
1373
01:01:58,375 --> 01:02:00,667
ERIC:
Okay, I think we get the picture.
1374
01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:03,000
[WOMEN MOANING ON TV]
1375
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:07,500
[ALL LAUGHING]
1376
01:02:07,750 --> 01:02:09,458
ADAM:
McCrudds, you want some pizza?
1377
01:02:09,625 --> 01:02:11,250
No, I'm not hungry.
Thank you.
1378
01:02:11,417 --> 01:02:13,500
Got an all-I-can-eat buffet
going right here.
1379
01:02:14,708 --> 01:02:16,583
Let me try.
Try this.
1380
01:02:17,167 --> 01:02:18,500
What is that?
1381
01:02:21,417 --> 01:02:23,167
WOMAN [ON TV]: Oh!
MAN [ON TV]: Shit!
1382
01:02:23,333 --> 01:02:25,667
Oh, he's doing my move.
Look at that.
1383
01:02:25,833 --> 01:02:27,833
He knows the Thoosh.
1384
01:02:30,792 --> 01:02:32,042
LAURA:
Hey, you guys? Guys.
1385
01:02:32,208 --> 01:02:36,500
Back to the music. Are we...?
Are we really gonna listen to Indian the whole night?
1386
01:02:36,667 --> 01:02:39,375
I think it might get a little...
Cab ride-y? Agreed. Yeah.
1387
01:02:39,542 --> 01:02:41,833
I'm working on
a killer playlist right now.
1388
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:43,667
Got some obscure Radiohead.
1389
01:02:43,833 --> 01:02:45,875
Who has sex to Radiohead?
1390
01:02:46,042 --> 01:02:47,875
Thom Yorke.
1391
01:02:48,042 --> 01:02:49,417
No Radiohead.
No Radiohead.
1392
01:02:49,583 --> 01:02:52,708
I think we need something
sensual, like Sting.
1393
01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:54,250
I love Sting.
McCRUDDEN: No.
1394
01:02:54,417 --> 01:02:56,667
Unacceptable.
Absolutely not fucking Sting.
1395
01:02:56,833 --> 01:02:59,500
That's bullshit, man.
If Sting comes on the fucking stereo,
1396
01:02:59,667 --> 01:03:01,125
guess who's walking.
This guy.
1397
01:03:01,292 --> 01:03:03,333
Sting, it is then.
1398
01:03:03,500 --> 01:03:05,375
[ALL LAUGH AND GROAN]
1399
01:03:05,542 --> 01:03:08,083
Yeah?
Sol
1400
01:03:08,250 --> 01:03:09,542
got you a little present.
1401
01:03:09,708 --> 01:03:10,750
Really?
Mm-hm.
1402
01:03:11,125 --> 01:03:13,792
It's filled with some great things
for next weekend.
1403
01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:16,042
It's not my birthday. Oh.
1404
01:03:17,542 --> 01:03:21,083
ERIC: Look, oh, boy. Oh, wow. Look at that guy.
He's like a Swiss Army dude.
1405
01:03:21,250 --> 01:03:23,500
Wow, that's great.
People are gonna love that.
1406
01:03:23,667 --> 01:03:26,125
Just so you know...
Mm-hm?
1407
01:03:26,292 --> 01:03:28,208
I'm not wearing
any underwear right now.
1408
01:03:28,375 --> 01:03:29,750
Ew, on these stools?
1409
01:03:29,917 --> 01:03:31,667
Well, well, well,
the gang's all here.
1410
01:03:31,833 --> 01:03:33,542
ERIC:
Paciellio!
1411
01:03:33,708 --> 01:03:35,208
Hi.
Paciellio.
1412
01:03:35,375 --> 01:03:36,458
[ALL CHEERING]
1413
01:03:36,625 --> 01:03:38,417
Hi, guys.
What's up?
1414
01:03:38,583 --> 01:03:40,375
We have some business
to discuss.
1415
01:03:40,542 --> 01:03:46,167
Right. So Glenn and I
have talked it over and...
1416
01:03:47,333 --> 01:03:49,750
we would like to be
included in the orgy.
1417
01:03:51,333 --> 01:03:53,333
We're in.
1418
01:03:53,500 --> 01:03:54,583
We wanna do it.
1419
01:03:56,333 --> 01:03:57,500
[CHUCKLES]
1420
01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,583
Um...
1421
01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:02,375
No.
1422
01:04:02,542 --> 01:04:03,667
Why not? What...
What?
1423
01:04:03,833 --> 01:04:05,667
We already lined up
my folks to babysit.
1424
01:04:06,167 --> 01:04:09,625
Guys, guys, as a friend
and a menial-health professional,
1425
01:04:09,792 --> 01:04:11,583
I think it is a horrible idea.
1426
01:04:11,750 --> 01:04:13,833
If you feel disconnected,
I understand...
1427
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:16,667
Alison, with all due respect,
1428
01:04:16,833 --> 01:04:19,167
you're an MA, I'm an MD.
1429
01:04:19,542 --> 01:04:21,042
You're a podiatrist.
1430
01:04:21,208 --> 01:04:22,875
Okay, let's hike a vote.
1431
01:04:23,042 --> 01:04:25,292
How many people want us in?
Right.
1432
01:04:25,458 --> 01:04:28,583
I would just like to say that I
think they maybe have a point here.
1433
01:04:28,750 --> 01:04:32,042
Just because they have a baby doesn't
mean we should discriminate.
1434
01:04:32,208 --> 01:04:35,417
Plus, Kate's rack
is killer right now.
1435
01:04:35,583 --> 01:04:37,167
Thank you, Michael.
Yeah.
1436
01:04:37,333 --> 01:04:40,833
Jesus, Mike, are you insane?
No. No, no.
1437
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:43,875
Dude, dude, dude, 10 o'clock.
Ten o'clock. My 10, my 10.
1438
01:04:45,167 --> 01:04:46,500
Shit.
1439
01:04:46,667 --> 01:04:49,333
Hey! Look who it is.
1440
01:04:49,500 --> 01:04:51,000
Hi, there it is.
1441
01:04:51,167 --> 01:04:53,042
Hey, uh, this is my Realtor,
Kelly.
1442
01:04:53,208 --> 01:04:54,917
This is the group, the gang.
1443
01:04:55,083 --> 01:04:56,708
Hi, Kelly.
Hi, Kelly.
1444
01:04:56,875 --> 01:04:59,250
Gosh, I've heard so much
about all of you guys.
1445
01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:00,917
How? When?
1446
01:05:01,083 --> 01:05:03,667
What? Why? What's she hiking about?
Let's get a drink.
1447
01:05:03,833 --> 01:05:05,458
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1448
01:05:06,583 --> 01:05:09,375
You think we couldn't handle
this because we're parents?
1449
01:05:09,542 --> 01:05:12,542
Well, we can handle shit
that you can't even imagine.
1450
01:05:12,708 --> 01:05:15,292
You know, you motherfuckers
have no idea.
1451
01:05:15,458 --> 01:05:16,833
That's right.
GLENN: No idea.
1452
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:19,167
KATE: Come on.
You... You...
1453
01:05:19,333 --> 01:05:21,333
You're ll lightweights
1454
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,292
You are all playing JV ball.
1455
01:05:24,458 --> 01:05:25,500
Lightweights.
Whoa.
1456
01:05:25,667 --> 01:05:27,542
All right, Glenn.
KATE: Come on, honey.
1457
01:05:28,583 --> 01:05:31,875
On a lighter note,
I have this present.
1458
01:05:32,042 --> 01:05:34,167
[BUZZING]
1459
01:05:34,333 --> 01:05:35,500
Dildos.
1460
01:05:35,667 --> 01:05:38,583
You know, in a pinch, this would
be great for a toothbrush.
1461
01:05:41,500 --> 01:05:43,042
And I have no idea
what this is.
1462
01:05:43,208 --> 01:05:45,500
Hey, Eric, what's up
with all the dildos?
1463
01:05:45,667 --> 01:05:48,667
Hey, those are my friends.
Hey, what's going on with the house?
1464
01:05:48,833 --> 01:05:53,583
Um, I've been able to slow things down
to buy you till the end of the summer.
1465
01:05:54,167 --> 01:05:55,708
Really? Yeah.
1466
01:05:56,458 --> 01:05:58,500
Oh, you're the best.
1467
01:06:00,833 --> 01:06:02,167
Thank you so much.
1468
01:06:02,333 --> 01:06:03,875
What is that?
What?
1469
01:06:04,042 --> 01:06:05,583
What's going on?
Nothing.
1470
01:06:05,750 --> 01:06:07,500
He told me not to tell
anybody so...
1471
01:06:07,667 --> 01:06:09,000
Yeah, okay.
You know.
1472
01:06:10,167 --> 01:06:11,750
Keep it on the down-low.
Yeah.
1473
01:06:11,917 --> 01:06:13,708
He asked her out
to get them to shill.
1474
01:06:13,875 --> 01:06:15,458
Went on a couple dates,
likes her,
1475
01:06:15,625 --> 01:06:19,125
doesn't want to sleep with her before
the orgy because it's wrong to do both.
1476
01:06:19,292 --> 01:06:21,167
Oh. He doesn't wanna
sleep with her.
1477
01:06:21,333 --> 01:06:23,500
That actually means
he likes her.
1478
01:06:23,667 --> 01:06:24,667
Oh.
ALISON: Awesome.
1479
01:06:24,833 --> 01:06:26,500
Hey. Dildo wave.
1480
01:06:26,667 --> 01:06:28,667
ALISON: Hi.
ALL: Hi.
1481
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:34,167
Hey...
1482
01:06:46,833 --> 01:06:48,375
Phewl
1483
01:06:48,542 --> 01:06:51,125
Yo, maharajah,
wanna get my back for me?
1484
01:06:51,292 --> 01:06:53,417
What is this shit?
Self tanner, man.
1485
01:06:53,583 --> 01:06:55,417
I wanna look like a porn star.
1486
01:06:55,583 --> 01:06:57,917
Fuck me, I just stroked out
my third batch du jour.
1487
01:06:58,083 --> 01:07:01,833
You boys might wanna do the same.
Don't wanna come quick like a bunch of amateurs.
1488
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:04,833
Oh, God.
I am not touching you.
1489
01:07:05,792 --> 01:07:07,833
Ah, fuck it.
I'm gonna whack it again.
1490
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:10,750
LAURA: You look so pretty.
So do you.
1491
01:07:10,917 --> 01:07:11,958
Thank you.
1492
01:07:12,125 --> 01:07:13,500
I love it.
1493
01:07:13,667 --> 01:07:15,250
ERIC:
Consider yourself warned.
1494
01:07:15,417 --> 01:07:18,792
This absinthe is the real deal.
I had it flown in from Amsterdam.
1495
01:07:18,958 --> 01:07:23,167
The guy that sold it to me said it's the stuff
Van Gogh was on when he cut his ear off.
1496
01:07:23,333 --> 01:07:24,500
Oh, no.
McCRUDDEN: Uh-oh.
1497
01:07:24,667 --> 01:07:26,417
It's gonna be
a starry night, huh?
1498
01:07:26,583 --> 01:07:27,708
It smells like licorice.
1499
01:07:27,875 --> 01:07:30,208
A toast. A toast.
1500
01:07:30,375 --> 01:07:31,875
To friends.
ADAM: Ohh.
1501
01:07:32,042 --> 01:07:33,417
ERIC: To friends.
ALL: Ohh.
1502
01:07:33,583 --> 01:07:37,667
And to making sweet love
with, to, near...
1503
01:07:37,833 --> 01:07:39,083
On.
In.
1504
01:07:39,250 --> 01:07:41,333
Under. And behind.
1505
01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:43,500
[ALL GROAN]
1506
01:07:43,667 --> 01:07:45,417
All rig ht, salad'.
I 'chain?!
1507
01:07:48,750 --> 01:07:50,333
Hagalaka.
1508
01:07:50,500 --> 01:07:52,500
ERIC:
Whoo! Sober. Never more
1509
01:07:52,667 --> 01:07:54,542
[GRUNTS]
1510
01:07:54,708 --> 01:07:56,500
[CLICKS TONGUE]
1511
01:07:58,833 --> 01:08:00,250
[SIGHS]
1512
01:08:00,833 --> 01:08:02,500
The pillows look really nice.
1513
01:08:02,667 --> 01:08:04,000
ALL:
Yeah.
1514
01:08:04,167 --> 01:08:06,083
These Crate and Barrel or...?
1515
01:08:14,667 --> 01:08:15,708
You guys look great.
1516
01:08:15,875 --> 01:08:17,000
Oh, thanks.
1517
01:08:17,167 --> 01:08:18,500
You look so fucking hot.
1518
01:08:18,667 --> 01:08:21,500
I'm just being honest.
I wanna lick your belly button.
1519
01:08:21,667 --> 01:08:24,708
And yours, your belly button's nice too.
You got a good one too.
1520
01:08:24,875 --> 01:08:28,000
I haven't seen yours, but I'm gonna
lick the shit out of that thing.
1521
01:08:28,167 --> 01:08:29,500
Wow.
1522
01:08:29,667 --> 01:08:32,500
As the de facto lead wolf,
right?
1523
01:08:32,667 --> 01:08:35,417
I, uh...
I should kick this mofo off,
1524
01:08:35,583 --> 01:08:38,708
but I goth be honest with you.
I have no idea what to do, so...
1525
01:08:38,875 --> 01:08:40,333
Lead wolf?
Oh, yeah.
1526
01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:43,667
You had to be there kind of.
Tut-tut-tut. Okay.
1527
01:08:43,833 --> 01:08:46,333
Listen up, everybody.
As per usual,
1528
01:08:46,500 --> 01:08:49,375
it is up to me
to get this party started.
1529
01:08:49,542 --> 01:08:52,833
Hang on. I got something for you.
Hang on a second, ladies.
1530
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:55,417
[ALL LAUGHING]
1531
01:08:55,583 --> 01:08:57,833
[ALL CHEERING]
1532
01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:00,458
Yeah, rock 'n' roll.
Holy moly.
1533
01:09:00,625 --> 01:09:01,667
We're on safari now.
1534
01:09:01,833 --> 01:09:02,917
Yeah.
1535
01:09:03,083 --> 01:09:04,542
How many leopards had to die?
1536
01:09:04,708 --> 01:09:06,833
Just one big old kinky leopard.
1537
01:09:08,208 --> 01:09:09,583
They won't kick us out.
1538
01:09:09,750 --> 01:09:11,583
If we're here,
they won't kick us out.
1539
01:09:11,750 --> 01:09:14,125
Okay.
They won't do it.
1540
01:09:14,292 --> 01:09:17,292
And we're totally sure
we wanna do this?
1541
01:09:20,875 --> 01:09:24,083
Somebody do something. Huh?
1542
01:09:24,250 --> 01:09:27,000
All right? Anybody?
1543
01:09:27,833 --> 01:09:32,167
All right, fuck it. I'm gonna call it.
Sue, kiss Alison. I'm gonna shirt touching myself.
1544
01:09:32,333 --> 01:09:36,000
Oh. We could shirt with a
back-rub circle like in college.
1545
01:09:36,167 --> 01:09:37,583
[MEN GROAN]
1546
01:09:38,750 --> 01:09:40,917
I'll get things started.
1547
01:09:41,083 --> 01:09:42,500
Yes. Yeah!
1548
01:09:42,667 --> 01:09:44,708
Here we go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1549
01:09:45,542 --> 01:09:48,542
I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't do this any more.
1550
01:09:48,708 --> 01:09:50,333
I can't.
I can't do this. I'm sorry.
1551
01:09:50,500 --> 01:09:52,667
[IMITATES CHICKEN CLUCKING]
1552
01:09:52,833 --> 01:09:53,833
I knew it.
1553
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:56,167
I knew you'd fucking
puss out, man.
1554
01:09:56,333 --> 01:09:58,583
I'm not pussing out.
I'm in a relationship
1555
01:09:58,750 --> 01:10:01,583
that I really appreciate.
And I don't wanna fuck this up.
1556
01:10:01,750 --> 01:10:04,500
Classic Duquez. You know,
it's like doughnuts, no doughnuts,
1557
01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:06,500
hat, no hat, orgy, no orgy.
1558
01:10:06,667 --> 01:10:08,500
We hike a look-see
through the window
1559
01:10:08,667 --> 01:10:11,167
and if it looks, like,
too freaky or lame,
1560
01:10:11,333 --> 01:10:12,875
Yeah.
We hike off.
1561
01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:17,125
And if it looks,
you know, cool, we go in.
1562
01:10:17,292 --> 01:10:18,917
Okay? okay...
1563
01:10:19,083 --> 01:10:20,500
I'm not mad at you.
1564
01:10:20,667 --> 01:10:23,000
Eric, Eric. I love
what's going on here,
1565
01:10:23,167 --> 01:10:25,250
but I don't think
you need to insult.
1566
01:10:25,417 --> 01:10:28,000
You should actually communicate.
My God, Alison, please.
1567
01:10:28,167 --> 01:10:31,667
Give it a rest? Just one night?
You're uncomfortable with emotion.
1568
01:10:31,833 --> 01:10:34,333
Oh, yeah, I can't. I'm the
only one here with issues.
1569
01:10:34,500 --> 01:10:37,167
It's just me? What about you
and your relationship?
1570
01:10:37,333 --> 01:10:38,500
We broke up.
You broke up?
1571
01:10:38,667 --> 01:10:39,667
Yes.
You broke up?
1572
01:10:39,833 --> 01:10:43,167
Like you broke up a couple years ago
at the Oktoberfest in July party?
1573
01:10:43,333 --> 01:10:45,417
That kind?
What happened on Oktoberfest?
1574
01:10:45,583 --> 01:10:48,833
This one tells me that her and
Marcus are broken up. Over.
1575
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:52,042
We're joking, having drinks,
she tells me about it, we hook up.
1576
01:10:52,208 --> 01:10:54,750
Next morning, she's having
brunch with the guy.
1577
01:10:54,917 --> 01:10:57,208
Whoa, whoa, wait? What?
1578
01:10:57,375 --> 01:10:58,667
You never told me this.
1579
01:10:58,833 --> 01:11:02,583
Sue, I don't need to tell you because nothing happened.
We didn't sleep together.
1580
01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:05,083
You told me it was a blowjob,
she wouldn't swallow.
1581
01:11:05,250 --> 01:11:07,375
No, I did not, Mike.
I did not say that.
1582
01:11:07,542 --> 01:11:10,000
It was a fucking hand job.
Hand job. That's right.
1583
01:11:10,167 --> 01:11:12,250
It was a hand job.
I'm sorry. My bad.
1584
01:11:12,417 --> 01:11:14,583
ALISON: Please don't go there.
SUE: No, no, no.
1585
01:11:14,750 --> 01:11:18,083
Alison, shut up.
You're a hypocrite.
1586
01:11:18,250 --> 01:11:19,500
What's going on?
1587
01:11:19,667 --> 01:11:24,000
First of all, they're dressed
like Indians from India.
1588
01:11:24,167 --> 01:11:26,083
That makes much more sense.
Yeah.
1589
01:11:26,250 --> 01:11:29,000
This is why I don't tell you.
You could've given him a blowjob.
1590
01:11:29,167 --> 01:11:31,500
Why didn't you fuck him?
Why don't you get over it?
1591
01:11:31,667 --> 01:11:34,500
How long are you gonna be
obsessed with Eric?
1592
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:36,542
Oh, shit.
1593
01:11:37,583 --> 01:11:39,083
Wait, what?
1594
01:11:40,542 --> 01:11:42,500
Okay. okay...
1595
01:11:42,667 --> 01:11:44,833
Urch' your brakes on, people.
1596
01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:47,542
We are rapidly losing
the erotic vibe.
1597
01:11:48,167 --> 01:11:51,667
I'm gonna get this party rocking
right here in a major way.
1598
01:11:51,833 --> 01:11:53,375
What you got, man?
1599
01:11:53,542 --> 01:11:55,917
Ready, set, here we go.
1600
01:11:56,083 --> 01:11:58,333
Oh! Let loose
the Kraken.
1601
01:11:58,500 --> 01:12:00,375
Yeah!
1602
01:12:00,542 --> 01:12:03,500
Will you give it a break, Mike?
This shit's pathetic.
1603
01:12:03,667 --> 01:12:06,250
Oh, fuck you. You fucking pussy.
You're lame.
1604
01:12:06,417 --> 01:12:07,833
You're the lame one, man.
1605
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:11,333
You don't have a job. You don't have a girlfriend.
You follow Eric around
1606
01:12:11,500 --> 01:12:14,833
and do everything he tells you to do.
You're like his little fucking pet.
1607
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:19,167
Dougie.
1608
01:12:19,333 --> 01:12:20,375
Fuck you, Doug.
1609
01:12:25,125 --> 01:12:29,042
Is that what you think of me? You think that I'm his...?
You think I'm his fucking pet?
1610
01:12:29,208 --> 01:12:30,875
ALL:
No.
1611
01:12:31,625 --> 01:12:35,083
He meant pet in a nice way.
1612
01:12:37,833 --> 01:12:39,833
Is he fucking with me right now?
1613
01:12:40,292 --> 01:12:43,208
This is the worst orgy ever.
1614
01:12:43,375 --> 01:12:45,375
Should we just go home or...?
1615
01:12:45,542 --> 01:12:47,000
No.
1616
01:12:47,167 --> 01:12:49,375
We already got a sitter.
1617
01:12:49,542 --> 01:12:52,042
You wanna go see a movie
or you wanna...?
1618
01:12:55,833 --> 01:12:57,417
Okay, okay.
All right, time out.
1619
01:12:57,583 --> 01:12:59,708
Time out.
Time out, T.O., okay?
1620
01:12:59,875 --> 01:13:03,083
I think everyone just needs
to take a deep breath.
1621
01:13:03,250 --> 01:13:04,500
All right?
1622
01:13:05,542 --> 01:13:08,958
We need to relax and chill out
for a second, all right?
1623
01:13:09,125 --> 01:13:10,625
Whoa!
1624
01:13:10,792 --> 01:13:12,083
Where are you going?
Ah.
1625
01:13:12,250 --> 01:13:14,333
I'm just going outside
to get some fresh air.
1626
01:13:14,500 --> 01:13:16,000
Clear my head.
1627
01:13:16,958 --> 01:13:19,000
[SIGHS THEN CHUCKLES]
1628
01:13:19,167 --> 01:13:21,667
I swear to God, guys,
I thought this was gonna be fun.
1629
01:13:24,375 --> 01:13:25,708
[SIGHS]
1630
01:13:30,083 --> 01:13:32,000
[SIGHS]
1631
01:13:38,667 --> 01:13:40,667
[KATE MOANING]
1632
01:13:42,875 --> 01:13:44,000
[SQUEAKING]
1633
01:13:44,167 --> 01:13:45,167
[KATE 8; GLENN MOANING]
1634
01:13:45,333 --> 01:13:47,833
KATE:
Oh, yeah. Oh!
1635
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:50,667
Why won't God
just let me have an orgy?
1636
01:13:58,250 --> 01:14:01,500
Okay.
All right, here we go.
1637
01:14:01,667 --> 01:14:02,750
[CLEARS THROAT]
1638
01:14:04,625 --> 01:14:06,958
Eric.
Kelly, heh, heh.
1639
01:14:07,125 --> 01:14:09,667
What are you doing?
I thought you were with your friends.
1640
01:14:09,833 --> 01:14:11,000
I know. I know. Uh...
1641
01:14:11,167 --> 01:14:12,708
Did you fly here on a carpet?
1642
01:14:12,875 --> 01:14:15,083
No, heh. No, no. I, uh...
1643
01:14:15,250 --> 01:14:18,167
It's a last-second
costume concept for, uh...
1644
01:14:18,333 --> 01:14:22,500
Look, I, uh... I've been thinking about
things and I realized something.
1645
01:14:23,292 --> 01:14:24,375
Oh, shit.
1646
01:14:24,542 --> 01:14:27,125
I thought we ordered pizza.
What'd you get, Indian food?
1647
01:14:29,792 --> 01:14:30,833
I'm sorry.
1648
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:33,875
I, uh... Sorry to interrupt.
Sorry.
1649
01:14:34,042 --> 01:14:36,792
Uh, Pete, give us a second?
Hey, hey, hey, Eric.
1650
01:14:36,958 --> 01:14:38,500
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
1651
01:14:38,667 --> 01:14:39,750
You didn't call.
I know.
1652
01:14:39,917 --> 01:14:42,583
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1653
01:14:42,750 --> 01:14:45,458
Oh, pizza? Really?
1654
01:14:45,625 --> 01:14:47,542
I'm sorry.
No, that's all right.
1655
01:14:47,708 --> 01:14:49,500
Hey, what's up, man?
Eighteen bucks.
1656
01:14:49,667 --> 01:14:51,167
Go, have fun. Hone...
1657
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:53,500
Honestly. No biggie.
1658
01:14:53,667 --> 01:14:55,000
I'll call you tomorrow.
1659
01:14:56,792 --> 01:14:58,208
Bye.
1660
01:15:00,125 --> 01:15:04,042
McCRUDDEN: Like I don't know
that I don't have a girlfriend.
1661
01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:09,583
Like I'm not trying to remember that
every fucking night of my life.
1662
01:15:09,750 --> 01:15:11,958
It's hard.
1663
01:15:13,750 --> 01:15:14,833
[DOOR CLOSES]
1664
01:15:18,667 --> 01:15:21,667
So where were we?
Where'd you go?
1665
01:15:21,833 --> 01:15:23,917
I know, I know, I know,
I, uh... Heh.
1666
01:15:24,083 --> 01:15:26,833
I'm sorry I left. You know, I...
1667
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:31,375
I'm gonna be honest with you, guys.
Um, I'm freaking out a little.
1668
01:15:34,333 --> 01:15:37,000
I have had the best times
of my life
1669
01:15:37,167 --> 01:15:39,333
with you guys in this house
1670
01:15:39,500 --> 01:15:44,167
and I'm gonna miss it.
1671
01:15:44,542 --> 01:15:47,167
I'm gonna miss it so much.
1672
01:15:47,333 --> 01:15:49,708
I love you GUYS...
1673
01:15:53,292 --> 01:15:54,667
She wasn't home, huh?
1674
01:15:55,333 --> 01:15:58,167
No. No, She was home.
1675
01:15:58,333 --> 01:15:59,500
She was on a date.
1676
01:15:59,667 --> 01:16:01,083
[ALL GROAN]
1677
01:16:01,250 --> 01:16:04,625
Yeah. And I showed up
dressed like fucking Aladdin.
1678
01:16:04,792 --> 01:16:06,458
[ALL CHUCKLE]
1679
01:16:06,625 --> 01:16:09,000
Well, I think that
you look adorable.
1680
01:16:09,167 --> 01:16:13,500
And I am so happy
that you're back.
1681
01:16:13,667 --> 01:16:17,250
It's been a pretty
emotional night for all of us.
1682
01:16:17,417 --> 01:16:20,750
How about a big
super-gay group hug?
1683
01:16:20,917 --> 01:16:22,958
ERIC: Oh, yeah.
LAURA: Group hug.
1684
01:16:23,125 --> 01:16:24,167
ERIC:
Yeah.
1685
01:16:24,333 --> 01:16:26,667
LAURA:
Oh! I love you guys.
1686
01:16:26,833 --> 01:16:29,000
ALL:
Aw!
1687
01:16:31,542 --> 01:16:32,750
Oh, my God.
1688
01:16:32,917 --> 01:16:35,000
SUE:
Wow.
1689
01:16:35,167 --> 01:16:38,458
Oh, my... I would not
have called that.
1690
01:16:38,625 --> 01:16:41,125
[BOTH MOANING]
1691
01:16:42,625 --> 01:16:44,208
Hey, what was that
about earlier?
1692
01:16:44,375 --> 01:16:45,708
Yeah, nothing. Later.
What?
1693
01:16:45,875 --> 01:16:48,125
[LITTLE DRAGON'S
BLINKING PIGS PLAYING]
1694
01:16:48,292 --> 01:16:49,542
Wha...?
1695
01:16:50,667 --> 01:16:52,417
Oh, gosh!
1696
01:16:52,583 --> 01:16:54,833
It's happening.
It's really happening.
1697
01:16:55,000 --> 01:16:57,708
We can do this.
I don't know if I can.
1698
01:16:57,875 --> 01:16:59,583
We'll do it together.
Okay?
1699
01:17:01,958 --> 01:17:04,167
One.
1700
01:17:04,333 --> 01:17:05,500
[SIGHS]
1701
01:17:05,667 --> 01:17:07,625
Two.
1702
01:17:10,000 --> 01:17:11,042
Three.
1703
01:17:13,875 --> 01:17:15,833
Hello, boobs.
1704
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:18,375
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1705
01:17:18,542 --> 01:17:19,667
Are they okay?
1706
01:17:20,875 --> 01:17:22,500
They're fucking fabulous.
1707
01:17:23,167 --> 01:17:25,333
Thank you.
1708
01:17:27,708 --> 01:17:30,792
Oh. And just so you know, um,
1709
01:17:30,958 --> 01:17:35,250
I've never been able to orgasm,
so no pressure.
1710
01:17:35,417 --> 01:17:37,333
I'm all about giving pleasure.
1711
01:17:37,500 --> 01:17:39,583
This is so much better
than porn.
1712
01:17:39,750 --> 01:17:42,583
[BOTH LAUGH]
1713
01:17:48,042 --> 01:17:50,042
Well, hey-o.
1714
01:17:50,208 --> 01:17:51,667
Oh, my God!
1715
01:17:51,833 --> 01:17:52,833
I told you so.
1716
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:54,083
You weren't kidding.
1717
01:17:54,750 --> 01:17:57,667
That is remarkable
that he is insecure.
1718
01:17:57,833 --> 01:18:00,417
[McCRUDDEN SHOUTS IN SPANISH]
1719
01:18:00,583 --> 01:18:02,583
Tequila!
1720
01:18:02,750 --> 01:18:04,500
You got what I need
1721
01:18:04,667 --> 01:18:07,375
[ALL SHOUT IN SPANISH]
1722
01:18:08,250 --> 01:18:10,375
And you say He's just a friend?
1723
01:18:10,542 --> 01:18:13,417
Oh, baby, you?
1724
01:18:13,583 --> 01:18:16,583
Got what I need
1725
01:18:16,750 --> 01:18:18,958
But you say He's just a friend?
1726
01:18:19,125 --> 01:18:21,000
[ALL CHEERING]
1727
01:18:21,708 --> 01:18:24,667
Oh, baby, you?
1728
01:18:24,833 --> 01:18:26,917
Got whet I need?
1729
01:18:27,083 --> 01:18:29,708
McCRUDDEN:
Everybody, drink from the ceiling.
1730
01:18:32,042 --> 01:18:34,875
[MAYER HAWTHORNE'S
THIN MOON PLAYING]
1731
01:18:39,750 --> 01:18:41,833
Hey, Mike.
Hi there.
1732
01:18:42,000 --> 01:18:46,042
You guys have goth try these chocolate-covered
strawberries. They're so decadent.
1733
01:18:46,208 --> 01:18:48,500
Oh, no, no. I'm good.
I just had some Bagel Bites.
1734
01:18:48,667 --> 01:18:52,000
Where'd you get Bagel Bites?
Shh. Forget it.
1735
01:18:52,167 --> 01:18:53,750
Mahalo, freaky people.
1736
01:18:53,917 --> 01:18:57,667
We were thinking it might be fun if we
all went out and made love in the pool.
1737
01:18:57,833 --> 01:19:00,167
Yes, yes.
Yeah, you wanna go in the pool?
1738
01:19:00,333 --> 01:19:02,708
No. No, no. We're good
right here. We're good.
1739
01:19:02,875 --> 01:19:04,333
Oh, we're okay.
Yeah.
1740
01:19:04,500 --> 01:19:07,667
Thanks though.
It's chlorinated. Have fun.
1741
01:19:10,125 --> 01:19:12,167
Sue, I'm so happy for you.
1742
01:19:12,333 --> 01:19:15,417
All right, Hey, guys, could we
just get a minute? Just a minute?
1743
01:19:15,583 --> 01:19:17,417
Yeah, just give us
a sec, will you?
1744
01:19:17,583 --> 01:19:20,500
Oh, so sorry.
1745
01:19:20,667 --> 01:19:24,000
We're not giving you
enough privacy at an orgy?
1746
01:19:24,167 --> 01:19:27,792
Oh, kind of a fair hit.
Yeah, now, shh.
1747
01:19:27,958 --> 01:19:29,833
Are you okay?
You wanna talk or something?
1748
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,833
No, no.
Just be in the moment.
1749
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:36,042
Okay. Yeah, no, can do. Can do.
Okay. Okay.
1750
01:19:38,625 --> 01:19:40,708
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Oh, yeah?
1751
01:19:40,875 --> 01:19:42,333
You like to dirty talk?
Yeah?
1752
01:19:42,500 --> 01:19:44,208
Ooh, fuck.
Okay, you wanna fuck me?
1753
01:19:44,375 --> 01:19:47,208
You wanna fuck me hard?
No, Sue. Hop off. My foot, my foot.
1754
01:19:47,375 --> 01:19:48,417
Oh, oh, okay.
1755
01:19:48,583 --> 01:19:49,667
Oh, foot cramp.
Oh!
1756
01:19:49,833 --> 01:19:51,125
Okay.
Ooh, that's a doozie.
1757
01:19:51,292 --> 01:19:52,500
Shh. Okay. All right
1758
01:19:52,667 --> 01:19:55,458
Oh, God, my big toe's so far
away from my other toes.
1759
01:19:55,625 --> 01:19:57,500
Okay, hey.
Hey, flex it out.
1760
01:19:57,667 --> 01:19:59,333
Flex it out. Flex it, okay.
1761
01:19:59,500 --> 01:20:01,750
Oh, we should have
done this 15 years ago.
1762
01:20:02,250 --> 01:20:04,167
Hey, guys.
1763
01:20:04,333 --> 01:20:06,667
I broke my diet.
1764
01:20:09,333 --> 01:20:11,167
Okay. You're good?
Oh, yeah.
1765
01:20:11,333 --> 01:20:13,208
Yeah? You're good?
Okay. There it goes.
1766
01:20:13,375 --> 01:20:15,708
There it goes. Oh, wow.
Okay.
1767
01:20:15,875 --> 01:20:17,625
Shh! Okay. Okay.
Okay.
1768
01:20:17,792 --> 01:20:21,083
Oh, no, it's back.
It's back worse!
1769
01:20:21,250 --> 01:20:23,333
Ooh, it's... The little guy
is in on it now.
1770
01:20:23,500 --> 01:20:26,125
Hey, gang. Sake bombs.
1771
01:20:26,292 --> 01:20:28,708
[LAUGHS]
1772
01:20:28,875 --> 01:20:30,333
[ALL SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
1773
01:20:30,500 --> 01:20:32,667
[FRENCH HORN REBELLION'S
THIS MOMENT PLAYING]
1774
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:35,417
[McCRUDDEN MOANING]
1775
01:20:35,583 --> 01:20:36,833
Oh, my God!
1776
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:39,667
Oh, my God, my dick is having
the best night of its life.
1777
01:20:39,833 --> 01:20:42,708
Oh, we're all fucking.
Oh, we're all finally fucking.
1778
01:20:42,875 --> 01:20:44,917
Oh, and I can be as loud
as I fucking want!
1779
01:20:45,083 --> 01:20:46,125
ERIC:
Oh, no. Shh, shh.
1780
01:20:46,292 --> 01:20:47,667
[LAUGHING]
1781
01:20:48,667 --> 01:20:50,083
Owl Ow, my contact.
1782
01:20:50,250 --> 01:20:51,667
Alison, my contact.
1783
01:20:51,833 --> 01:20:54,875
I'm good. I'm good. Play through.
Bro, count me down.
1784
01:20:55,042 --> 01:20:57,500
What?
Count me down from five.
1785
01:20:57,667 --> 01:21:00,708
What does that even mean?
Oh, fuck! Count me down from 10.
1786
01:21:00,875 --> 01:21:03,083
Count him down, Adam.
Just count him down.
1787
01:21:03,250 --> 01:21:04,417
[BOTH MOANING]
1788
01:21:04,583 --> 01:21:07,000
This whole sex in the pool thing
is not working.
1789
01:21:07,167 --> 01:21:09,667
Water is not a lubricant.
1790
01:21:09,833 --> 01:21:13,125
McCRUDDEN: Okay, brothers and sisters.
Let's hike this party indoors.
1791
01:21:13,292 --> 01:21:15,958
ADAM:
I'm running with a boner!
1792
01:21:16,333 --> 01:21:17,833
Pineapple mojitos.
1793
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:19,042
[ALL CHEER]
1794
01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:20,667
Yeah, mulched with fresh mint.
1795
01:21:20,833 --> 01:21:22,292
[GLASS SHATTERS]
1796
01:21:22,458 --> 01:21:23,500
Fuck!
1797
01:21:23,667 --> 01:21:24,792
Are you ready?
1798
01:21:24,958 --> 01:21:27,042
As I'll ever be.
1799
01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:31,333
[ALL CHEERING
AND LAUGHING]
1800
01:21:31,500 --> 01:21:33,833
Ooh!
I'm next, I'm next, I'm next.
1801
01:21:35,083 --> 01:21:36,125
Vodka tonic.
1802
01:21:36,292 --> 01:21:37,500
[ALL CHEER]
1803
01:21:39,583 --> 01:21:41,542
[McCRUDDEN GRUNTS]
1804
01:21:41,708 --> 01:21:44,625
Yo, can I tag in?
1805
01:21:44,792 --> 01:21:48,208
Oh! You're like the sweet,
tender lion.
1806
01:21:48,375 --> 01:21:50,000
Mike, go away.
1807
01:21:50,167 --> 01:21:53,625
You guys haven't slept with anybody else yet.
You're hogging Willow.
1808
01:21:53,792 --> 01:21:55,458
Go away.
1809
01:21:55,625 --> 01:21:57,375
Go away, Mike.
1810
01:21:57,542 --> 01:21:58,583
Vodka.
1811
01:21:58,750 --> 01:21:59,792
[ALL GROAN]
1812
01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:01,000
Come on.
1813
01:22:01,167 --> 01:22:05,208
Sue, I just wanna say I'm so sorry
about the whole Eric thing.
1814
01:22:05,375 --> 01:22:08,667
No. Totally don't.
It's so over. I don't care.
1815
01:22:08,833 --> 01:22:13,500
No, but you know, you're a really
good friend and I love you.
1816
01:22:13,667 --> 01:22:17,958
No, I love you.
You are so smart and you're so beautiful.
1817
01:22:18,125 --> 01:22:21,833
And I totally get why he would
wanna be with you.
1818
01:22:22,000 --> 01:22:23,375
You're the beautiful one.
1819
01:22:23,542 --> 01:22:26,375
Oh, my God,
your body is ridiculous.
1820
01:22:26,542 --> 01:22:28,667
Your body is ridiculous, okay?
1821
01:22:28,833 --> 01:22:31,958
And I would give anything
to have your breasts
1822
01:22:32,125 --> 01:22:33,750
just for, like, one day.
1823
01:22:33,917 --> 01:22:38,375
Yeah, but your ass
is off the charts, seriously.
1824
01:22:38,542 --> 01:22:40,917
Okay. I would kill
to have your eyes.
1825
01:22:41,083 --> 01:22:44,833
You know that you have
the most beautiful green eyes
1826
01:22:45,000 --> 01:22:48,125
that I have ever seen.
1827
01:22:48,292 --> 01:22:50,375
[DELIBES LAKME -
FLOWER DUET PLAYING]
1828
01:22:53,667 --> 01:22:55,083
SUE:
Oh, yeah.
1829
01:22:56,667 --> 01:22:58,667
[WOMEN MOANING]
1830
01:23:00,250 --> 01:23:01,750
SUE: Oh, yeah
ALISON: Oh!
1831
01:23:02,417 --> 01:23:03,667
Wow!
1832
01:23:03,833 --> 01:23:05,000
I saw that.
You see that?
1833
01:23:05,167 --> 01:23:08,875
It looked like a little flash of light.
I know. I think I just... God.
1834
01:23:09,583 --> 01:23:11,500
I never thought I'd
hear myself say this,
1835
01:23:11,667 --> 01:23:13,875
but I'm gonna hike a break
1836
01:23:14,042 --> 01:23:16,917
from this
girl-on-girl-on-girl action
1837
01:23:17,083 --> 01:23:20,583
and check the score
of the Yankee game.
1838
01:23:20,750 --> 01:23:22,750
ALISON:
This feels fucking fabulous.
1839
01:23:22,917 --> 01:23:25,667
[ALISON MOANING]
1840
01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:28,000
ALISON:
Ah, Michael!
1841
01:23:28,667 --> 01:23:30,375
Let's go.
Are you sure?
1842
01:23:30,542 --> 01:23:32,500
Yes, 100,000 percent sure.
1843
01:23:32,667 --> 01:23:35,083
Let's go. Right now.
Okay, okay. Let's go.
1844
01:23:35,250 --> 01:23:38,833
You fucking did it. Look at this.
You are awe-inspiring.
1845
01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:40,083
Oh.
1846
01:23:40,250 --> 01:23:41,417
Thank you, Mike.
No.
1847
01:23:41,583 --> 01:23:45,833
I'm gonna tell you something right now and I
want you to listen because I fucking mean it.
1848
01:23:46,000 --> 01:23:47,542
Okay...
1849
01:23:47,708 --> 01:23:50,625
You could be the president
of the United States.
1850
01:23:50,792 --> 01:23:52,375
[ENIGMA'S SADENESS (PART I)
PLAYING]
1851
01:23:52,542 --> 01:23:54,375
Well, not after
something like this.
1852
01:23:54,542 --> 01:23:57,792
Hey, shh, no.
I'm fucking serious.
1853
01:23:57,958 --> 01:24:01,000
You could do it
if you wanted to.
1854
01:24:01,167 --> 01:24:03,042
Yeah.
1855
01:24:03,208 --> 01:24:05,083
You're getting kind of close,
Mike.
1856
01:24:05,250 --> 01:24:06,667
Am I?
Yeah.
1857
01:24:06,833 --> 01:24:08,083
Oh.
1858
01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:10,542
You're not trying to kiss me,
are you?
1859
01:24:10,708 --> 01:24:12,333
Would it scare you if I was?
1860
01:24:13,250 --> 01:24:15,042
I guess So.
1861
01:24:15,208 --> 01:24:17,542
Fucking kiss chicken, dude.
1862
01:24:17,708 --> 01:24:20,000
It's on.
All right.
1863
01:24:20,167 --> 01:24:21,833
Let me just
set this right here.
1864
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:23,583
Whatever.
1865
01:24:30,542 --> 01:24:32,708
You scared yet?
1866
01:24:33,833 --> 01:24:34,917
No.
1867
01:24:35,083 --> 01:24:37,333
McCRUDDEN: No?
ERIC: Mm-mm.
1868
01:24:37,500 --> 01:24:41,000
How about now?
Touching your nose with my nose.
1869
01:24:41,167 --> 01:24:43,375
It's okay, I'm part Eskimo.
1870
01:24:43,542 --> 01:24:45,500
McCRUDDEN:
We're nose-kissing, buddy.
1871
01:24:45,667 --> 01:24:48,042
It's more than our noses
touching right now.
1872
01:24:48,208 --> 01:24:50,542
It's our souls.
1873
01:24:55,542 --> 01:24:57,375
Yeah, that's been brewing
for years.
1874
01:24:57,542 --> 01:24:58,833
Well, I think we both won.
1875
01:24:59,000 --> 01:25:00,792
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1876
01:25:00,958 --> 01:25:02,708
I'm pretty sure
we both just lost.
1877
01:25:02,875 --> 01:25:05,875
[THE LOVE LANGUAGES
HEART TO TELL' PLAYING]
1878
01:25:06,917 --> 01:25:08,750
Tonic.
ALL: Boo!
1879
01:25:08,917 --> 01:25:10,000
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
1880
01:25:10,167 --> 01:25:11,542
[MOANING]
1881
01:25:11,708 --> 01:25:14,750
Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop.
Almost there. Almost there.
1882
01:25:14,917 --> 01:25:17,167
No, don't stop. Don't stop.
Ah! Don't stop.
1883
01:25:17,542 --> 01:25:20,583
It feels so good.
It feels so good, don't stop.
1884
01:25:22,458 --> 01:25:24,458
Hm?
Mmm.
1885
01:25:24,625 --> 01:25:25,667
How about that?
1886
01:25:25,833 --> 01:25:28,250
So how long
has this been going on?
1887
01:25:28,417 --> 01:25:29,667
About a half an hour.
1888
01:25:29,833 --> 01:25:31,833
I'm good. I'm gonna...
I'm getting it. Ah!
1889
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,083
Poor bastard.
1890
01:25:33,250 --> 01:25:35,208
Fucking so good. Aahl
1891
01:25:35,375 --> 01:25:36,667
ERIC:
Hang in there, buddy.
1892
01:25:36,833 --> 01:25:38,000
Almost there.
1893
01:25:38,167 --> 01:25:41,458
Yeah. Yes. Yes!
1894
01:25:41,625 --> 01:25:43,417
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm coming.
1895
01:25:43,583 --> 01:25:46,083
Yes! Oh, yes!
1896
01:25:46,250 --> 01:25:47,833
Yes, yes, yes!
1897
01:25:48,000 --> 01:25:50,833
Oh, yes! Yes!
1898
01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:53,792
Yes! Aahl
1899
01:26:13,375 --> 01:26:16,167
Hey! Good morning, everybody.
1900
01:26:16,333 --> 01:26:18,375
So, uh, look what I got.
1901
01:26:18,542 --> 01:26:21,000
Commemorative Labor Day
orgy T-shirts right here.
1902
01:26:21,167 --> 01:26:22,500
Pink and blue.
1903
01:26:22,667 --> 01:26:24,792
Unisex, 100 percent cotton.
1904
01:26:24,958 --> 01:26:26,000
You made T-shirts?
1905
01:26:26,167 --> 01:26:27,583
McCRUDDEN:
Yup. Laura.
1906
01:26:27,917 --> 01:26:29,583
Huh?
1907
01:26:30,375 --> 01:26:31,750
Where are we gonna wear these?
1908
01:26:31,917 --> 01:26:34,375
Anywhere.
What do you mean?
1909
01:26:34,958 --> 01:26:38,333
Jesus Christ, I am
hungover like a madman.
1910
01:26:38,500 --> 01:26:39,500
[GROANS]
1911
01:26:39,667 --> 01:26:41,875
All right, ladies.
Ladies, I got one...
1912
01:26:42,042 --> 01:26:43,583
One easy question for all of you.
1913
01:26:44,125 --> 01:26:47,333
Overall,
where would you rank me?
1914
01:26:47,500 --> 01:26:48,917
Just have a bagel and relax.
1915
01:26:49,083 --> 01:26:51,542
Listen, I need to know.
I just... I need to know.
1916
01:26:51,708 --> 01:26:55,500
Well, for me,
there was one clear winner.
1917
01:26:55,667 --> 01:26:59,250
Okay, I know, good. Eric. Blah, blah.
Big surprise. What about this guy?
1918
01:26:59,417 --> 01:27:02,500
I was gonna say Adam.
Adam.
1919
01:27:02,667 --> 01:27:03,917
What?
1920
01:27:04,083 --> 01:27:06,583
For a neurotic hypochondriac
with panic attacks,
1921
01:27:06,750 --> 01:27:09,208
he was really uninhibited.
1922
01:27:09,375 --> 01:27:11,667
So what? Out of the four dudes
in the house,
1923
01:27:11,833 --> 01:27:15,083
I didn't even rank in the top two?
That's what you're telling me?
1924
01:27:15,250 --> 01:27:16,375
Didn't I do my move?
1925
01:27:16,542 --> 01:27:19,250
The move with the fingers
and the tongue? The Thoosh?
1926
01:27:19,625 --> 01:27:21,208
McCRUDDEN: Laura.
ERIC: You did it.
1927
01:27:21,375 --> 01:27:24,333
I thooshed you. I know I did.
You don't need to do it now.
1928
01:27:24,500 --> 01:27:26,167
We don't need to see it again.
1929
01:27:26,333 --> 01:27:28,042
Yeah. Can we just
eat breakfast?
1930
01:27:28,208 --> 01:27:30,667
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
1931
01:27:30,833 --> 01:27:31,833
It's Marcus.
1932
01:27:35,292 --> 01:27:36,667
Hello?
1933
01:27:37,667 --> 01:27:39,500
Oh, tell him how much
we missed him.
1934
01:27:39,667 --> 01:27:41,167
[GROANS]
1935
01:27:41,333 --> 01:27:42,833
WILLOW: Hey.
Everybody's up.
1936
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:44,042
Hey.
1937
01:27:44,208 --> 01:27:45,417
ERIC:
Morning.
1938
01:27:45,583 --> 01:27:48,000
Hey, man, about the shit
that went down last night...
1939
01:27:48,167 --> 01:27:52,542
Dude. Oh, shit, I'm sorry if I did anything
weird to you or Willow, like, any thooshing.
1940
01:27:52,708 --> 01:27:56,833
Anything like that. I'm sorry.
I was so fucking hammered, I don't remember anything.
1941
01:27:57,000 --> 01:27:58,042
Seriously, nothing?
1942
01:27:58,208 --> 01:28:00,208
You don't remember anything?
No.
1943
01:28:00,375 --> 01:28:03,917
Nothing. I remember the fucking
absinthe shots and then that's it.
1944
01:28:04,083 --> 01:28:08,500
I'm so bummed, that was gonna be spank
fodder for the next 20 years of my life.
1945
01:28:08,667 --> 01:28:11,000
Total fucking blackout
Thank God.
1946
01:28:11,167 --> 01:28:12,417
Amen.
1947
01:28:12,583 --> 01:28:13,667
I got something for you.
1948
01:28:13,833 --> 01:28:15,917
Holy shit!
Dougie.
1949
01:28:16,083 --> 01:28:17,750
I did it. I got more coming.
1950
01:28:17,917 --> 01:28:19,708
Oh, my God, dude,
this is major.
1951
01:28:19,875 --> 01:28:24,542
I wanted hat, but he was
so passionate about no hat.
1952
01:28:24,708 --> 01:28:26,708
DUQUEZ: No fucking hat.
Good shit, man.
1953
01:28:26,875 --> 01:28:29,000
I still would've
Photoshopped in the dudes
1954
01:28:29,167 --> 01:28:31,333
schnizzing on your face.
But it's just me.
1955
01:28:31,500 --> 01:28:32,917
You made fucking shirts.
Fuck.
1956
01:28:33,083 --> 01:28:35,500
Yeah. Hey, Willow,
grab one of those.
1957
01:28:35,667 --> 01:28:37,500
It's blue and pink,
my favorite.
1958
01:28:37,667 --> 01:28:40,583
DUQUEZ: A medium. Awesome.
ADAM: It's the Breakfast Club.
1959
01:28:40,750 --> 01:28:43,458
ERIC: Oh, there he is.
Sam Rockwell.
1960
01:28:43,625 --> 01:28:45,833
Ha, yeah, there you go.
1961
01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:47,500
[ALL CHUCKLE]
1962
01:28:47,667 --> 01:28:49,917
Thank you, I'm sorry,
and you're welcome.
1963
01:28:50,083 --> 01:28:51,167
[LAUGHS]
1964
01:28:52,750 --> 01:28:53,958
Still a little sore.
1965
01:28:54,125 --> 01:28:56,417
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
1966
01:28:57,458 --> 01:28:58,500
Hi.
1967
01:28:59,875 --> 01:29:02,417
Yeah, I think
we're headed down shortly.
1968
01:29:03,333 --> 01:29:05,125
Yeah, I'll see you there.
1969
01:29:06,250 --> 01:29:08,667
That was Kelly.
Slut.
1970
01:29:08,833 --> 01:29:11,208
BOTH: Ooh!
ERIC: Uh, she's, uh,
1971
01:29:11,375 --> 01:29:13,208
headed to the beach.
I'm gonna meet her.
1972
01:29:13,375 --> 01:29:16,375
That's gonna be some awkward shit.
I wanna be front-row center.
1973
01:29:16,542 --> 01:29:18,167
Let's do it.
I'm there.
1974
01:29:19,625 --> 01:29:21,667
Give the ticks a goodbye hug
for me, please?
1975
01:29:21,833 --> 01:29:23,833
ERIC: I will do so.
ADAM: Okay.
1976
01:29:25,042 --> 01:29:26,917
[DOOR CLOSES]
1977
01:29:27,625 --> 01:29:29,167
Hhhh...
1978
01:29:29,333 --> 01:29:32,750
I can stay here
and hang out with you if...
1979
01:29:32,917 --> 01:29:34,708
Yeah, yes.
1980
01:29:34,875 --> 01:29:36,000
Okay, heh.
1981
01:29:36,167 --> 01:29:39,542
We could, uh, hike a dip
in the pool or something.
1982
01:29:39,708 --> 01:29:41,708
Oh, the... Yeah.
I don't know about the pool
1983
01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:44,000
after what happened
in there last night.
1984
01:29:44,167 --> 01:29:45,250
Ew.
1985
01:29:45,708 --> 01:29:48,500
But you wanna
do the crossword with me?
1986
01:29:49,333 --> 01:29:50,667
I'd love that.
1987
01:29:50,833 --> 01:29:52,708
[BOTH CLEAR THROAT]
1988
01:29:52,875 --> 01:29:54,625
Uh, 16 Across.
1989
01:29:55,875 --> 01:29:58,875
So, what happened
with, uh, you-know-who?
1990
01:29:59,042 --> 01:30:02,000
Marcus apologized.
He wants to go to couples therapy.
1991
01:30:02,167 --> 01:30:03,458
You're getting back together?
1992
01:30:03,625 --> 01:30:06,750
We're gonna go to city hall, get
married, see if we can make it work.
1993
01:30:06,917 --> 01:30:08,833
What the fuck?
Just kidding.
1994
01:30:09,000 --> 01:30:10,167
[ALL CHUCKLE]
1995
01:30:10,333 --> 01:30:14,292
Okay.
Yeah, no, it's totally over.
1996
01:30:14,458 --> 01:30:16,375
Nice.
I'm proud of you.
1997
01:30:16,542 --> 01:30:17,833
ALISON:
Thanks, Sue.
1998
01:30:18,000 --> 01:30:20,333
ERIC: That's too bad.
I always liked that guy.
1999
01:30:21,042 --> 01:30:23,125
God, I hope
Kate has some guys for us.
2000
01:30:23,292 --> 01:30:25,333
Hell, I'd even go to Hoboken.
2001
01:30:25,500 --> 01:30:28,625
I mean, if he's really amazing, I'd
consider going to Jersey City.
2002
01:30:28,792 --> 01:30:29,833
Oh, you would not.
2003
01:30:30,000 --> 01:30:32,000
I'm just making a point.
2004
01:30:32,167 --> 01:30:34,833
Uh, so Eric, um, last night,
2005
01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:36,542
Oh.
Some things came up.
2006
01:30:36,708 --> 01:30:39,167
Yeah, I swear.
I had no idea.
2007
01:30:39,333 --> 01:30:41,542
No, it's fine, really.
It was just something
2008
01:30:41,708 --> 01:30:43,667
that I needed
to get out of my system.
2009
01:30:51,042 --> 01:30:52,833
I hope she likes
my sloppy seconds.
2010
01:30:53,000 --> 01:30:54,875
Oh, come on.
2011
01:30:55,917 --> 01:30:58,917
Morning, Kelly.
Hey. Morning, Eric.
2012
01:30:59,083 --> 01:31:00,833
Hey.
2013
01:31:01,000 --> 01:31:02,875
Hi, I'm Mike.
We haven't officially met.
2014
01:31:03,042 --> 01:31:05,167
Nice to meet you.
Oh, wait, Mike.
2015
01:31:05,333 --> 01:31:08,375
Right. You're the guy
that Dody was asking about.
2016
01:31:08,542 --> 01:31:12,000
She wanted your number for some kind
of business thing or something?
2017
01:31:14,083 --> 01:31:16,500
Ah, what the fuck.
Give her my digits, all right?
2018
01:31:16,667 --> 01:31:18,708
Nice to meet you.
2019
01:31:18,875 --> 01:31:22,500
Let loose the Kraken. Yeah.
2020
01:31:22,667 --> 01:31:25,417
So wow. Okay.
2021
01:31:25,583 --> 01:31:27,083
About last night.
How about this?
2022
01:31:27,250 --> 01:31:29,000
What?
How about this about last night?
2023
01:31:29,167 --> 01:31:32,333
We never talk about it
ever, ever again.
2024
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:34,583
It never happened.
All right?
2025
01:31:35,208 --> 01:31:36,958
You and I have just met.
2026
01:31:37,125 --> 01:31:39,542
We're starting fresh
right here, right now.
2027
01:31:41,167 --> 01:31:42,667
Done.
2028
01:31:42,833 --> 01:31:44,000
Done.
2029
01:31:44,167 --> 01:31:45,667
Hi, I'm Kelly.
Hi, Kelly. I'm Eric.
2030
01:31:45,833 --> 01:31:47,667
It's nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
2031
01:31:49,333 --> 01:31:51,667
[BOTH LAUGHING]
2032
01:31:59,167 --> 01:32:00,333
Hey!
2033
01:32:00,708 --> 01:32:04,000
[ALL CHEERING]
2034
01:32:07,000 --> 01:32:08,375
LAURA:
Your blackberry.
2035
01:32:08,542 --> 01:32:11,250
Ah! Just an empty
symbolic gesture.
2036
01:32:11,417 --> 01:32:12,917
I'm getting a new one
on Tuesday.
2037
01:32:13,083 --> 01:32:16,375
But that did feel really,
really good.
2038
01:32:16,542 --> 01:32:18,375
So this is the beach, huh?
2039
01:32:18,542 --> 01:32:20,042
Pretty beautiful. Who knew?
2040
01:32:20,208 --> 01:32:22,167
This is it.
Let's go on.
2041
01:32:22,333 --> 01:32:23,375
[CHUCKLES]
2042
01:32:27,958 --> 01:32:29,708
Okay, listen.
I've got some bad news.
2043
01:32:29,875 --> 01:32:31,417
You're al Qaeda.
No.
2044
01:32:31,583 --> 01:32:33,917
You know the delay I pulled
with closing the house?
2045
01:32:34,083 --> 01:32:36,000
It spooked the buyers
and they pulled out.
2046
01:32:36,167 --> 01:32:37,458
[CHUCKLES]
2047
01:32:37,625 --> 01:32:38,875
The house isn't sold?
No.
2048
01:32:41,250 --> 01:32:43,167
Are you mad?
No. No, no, no.
2049
01:32:43,333 --> 01:32:44,833
Will you hold on a sec though?
2050
01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:46,125
ERIC: Hey, guys!
Yeah?
2051
01:32:46,292 --> 01:32:48,875
Quick announcement.
I have a really shitty Realtor.
2052
01:32:49,042 --> 01:32:51,000
McCRUDDEN: Fire her.
And she blew the deal.
2053
01:32:51,167 --> 01:32:53,000
And the house still isn't sold.
2054
01:32:53,167 --> 01:32:55,333
[ALL CHEERING]
2055
01:32:57,500 --> 01:32:58,750
They're pissed.
They're mad.
2056
01:32:58,917 --> 01:33:01,083
Great, now they're pissed.
They're mad.
2057
01:33:01,250 --> 01:33:04,875
ERIC: Now I goth shirt thinking of
something to do for Memorial Day.
2058
01:33:05,042 --> 01:33:07,500
We've been kicking around
this idea for a brown party.
2059
01:33:07,667 --> 01:33:09,667
You know brown clothes,
brown food.
2060
01:33:11,667 --> 01:33:13,750
Hey, you guys
remember Kelly, right?
2061
01:33:13,917 --> 01:33:16,917
[TELEKINESIS' 'GOTTA GET IT
RIGHT NOW' PLAYING]
2062
01:33:18,958 --> 01:33:22,292
I always do what I am told
2063
01:33:22,458 --> 01:33:25,500
Jesus Christ I'm gettin' old?
2064
01:33:25,667 --> 01:33:28,625
And I gotta Get it right now?
2065
01:33:29,750 --> 01:33:32,750
I gotta get it right now?
2066
01:33:33,292 --> 01:33:36,417
All my friends are
So locked down?
2067
01:33:36,583 --> 01:33:40,042
And I'm 23
I should be screwin' around?
2068
01:33:40,208 --> 01:33:43,000
And I gotta Get it right now?
2069
01:33:44,333 --> 01:33:47,333
I gotta get it right now?
2070
01:33:48,208 --> 01:33:50,333
Gotta get it right now?
2071
01:33:51,667 --> 01:33:53,292
Gotta get it right now?
2072
01:33:53,458 --> 01:33:54,583
What do you want?
2073
01:33:54,750 --> 01:33:56,417
WOMAN:
Passwords roundelay.
2074
01:33:56,583 --> 01:33:57,667
Who's your connection?
2075
01:33:57,833 --> 01:33:59,417
Dody Henderson.
She's our Realtor.
2076
01:33:59,583 --> 01:34:01,500
Oh, Dody.
Yeah, she's in the swing.
2077
01:34:01,667 --> 01:34:04,208
Come on in.
Come on, you too.
2078
01:34:06,292 --> 01:34:07,833
Gotta get it right now?
2079
01:34:08,000 --> 01:34:10,500
Yeah. Okay.
2080
01:34:24,417 --> 01:34:27,833
I've got visions I can't see?
2081
01:34:28,000 --> 01:34:31,458
Country houses
And one-way streets?
2082
01:34:31,625 --> 01:34:33,875
I gotta get it right now?
2083
01:34:35,250 --> 01:34:38,750
I gotta get it right now?
2084
01:34:38,917 --> 01:34:42,417
Sometimes this feels
Like e dream?
2085
01:34:42,583 --> 01:34:45,708
Without the you Without the me?
2086
01:34:45,875 --> 01:34:48,625
And I gotta get it Right now?
2087
01:34:49,958 --> 01:34:52,667
I gotta get it right now?
2088
01:34:53,917 --> 01:34:55,833
ALL:
? You say he's just a friend?
2089
01:34:56,000 --> 01:34:58,958
? Oh, baby, you?
2090
01:34:59,125 --> 01:35:01,875
? You got what I need?
2091
01:35:02,042 --> 01:35:03,083
ADAM:
What?!
2092
01:35:03,250 --> 01:35:05,042
? But you say
He's just a friend?
2093
01:35:05,208 --> 01:35:07,875
? What, what
But you say he's just a friend?
2094
01:35:08,042 --> 01:35:10,500
? Oh, baby you?
2095
01:35:10,667 --> 01:35:13,667
[KENNEDY'S ABSTINENCE:
DON'T DO IT PLAYING]
2096
01:35:23,000 --> 01:35:26,167
Can I get
A little kissy-kiss??
2097
01:35:26,333 --> 01:35:29,042
Can I get a little
Hoochie-coo??
2098
01:35:29,208 --> 01:35:31,417
I'm like a soldier
Marching in the sun?
2099
01:35:31,583 --> 01:35:34,542
My guns are pointed
Baby, straight at the moon?
2100
01:35:34,708 --> 01:35:40,250
And abstinence?
2101
01:35:40,417 --> 01:35:42,375
Don't do it?
2102
01:35:42,542 --> 01:35:45,125
Abstinence?
2103
01:35:45,292 --> 01:35:47,500
Don't do it, don't do it
Don't do it?
2104
01:35:47,667 --> 01:35:50,500
Well, early in the morning
When we're all alone?
2105
01:35:50,667 --> 01:35:53,667
Well, how could I ever
Be so dumb??
2106
01:35:54,708 --> 01:35:57,042
You're driving drunk
In your boyfriend car?
2107
01:35:57,208 --> 01:35:59,958
Let's throw the babysitter
Into the trunk?
2108
01:36:00,125 --> 01:36:05,667
And abstinence?
2109
01:36:05,833 --> 01:36:07,833
Don't do it?
2110
01:36:08,000 --> 01:36:10,667
Abstinence?
2111
01:36:10,833 --> 01:36:12,667
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2112
01:36:12,833 --> 01:36:16,333
When you're all alone
On your own?
2113
01:36:16,500 --> 01:36:20,542
No one ever holds you?
? Don't do it, don't do it?
2114
01:36:20,708 --> 01:36:24,333
I'll be at your door
On the horn?
2115
01:36:24,500 --> 01:36:28,583
Sending these thoughts to you?
2116
01:36:28,750 --> 01:36:30,542
Whoo!?
2117
01:36:31,542 --> 01:36:33,125
Ah!?
2118
01:36:35,167 --> 01:36:36,708
What: that??
2119
01:36:40,625 --> 01:36:42,167
? Coochie-coo?
2120
01:36:42,333 --> 01:36:44,000
WOMAN:
That': tough.
2121
01:36:45,333 --> 01:36:49,375
Abstinence?
2122
01:36:49,542 --> 01:36:51,542
Don't do it?
2123
01:36:51,708 --> 01:36:54,458
Abstinence?
2124
01:36:54,625 --> 01:36:56,667
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2125
01:36:56,833 --> 01:36:59,042
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2126
01:36:59,208 --> 01:37:01,458
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2127
01:37:01,625 --> 01:37:03,917
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2128
01:37:04,083 --> 01:37:06,250
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2129
01:37:06,417 --> 01:37:08,542
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2130
01:37:08,708 --> 01:37:10,542
Don't do it, don't do it?
2131
01:37:10,708 --> 01:37:12,875
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2132
01:37:13,917 --> 01:37:18,083
Abstinence?
2133
01:37:18,250 --> 01:37:20,167
Don't do it?
2134
01:37:20,333 --> 01:37:23,000
Abstinence?
2135
01:37:23,167 --> 01:37:25,167
Don't do it, Don't do it
Don't do it?
2136
01:37:25,333 --> 01:37:28,667
When you're all alone
On your own?
2137
01:37:28,833 --> 01:37:32,583
No one ever holds you?
? Don't do it, don't do it?
2138
01:37:32,750 --> 01:37:36,583
I'll be at your door
On the horn?
2139
01:37:36,750 --> 01:37:40,875
Sending these thoughts to you?
2140
01:37:41,042 --> 01:37:42,833
? Oh?